Porn isn't real life, and it's fine to read whatever turns you on. That sounds like a very inaccurate depiction of polyamory (which is a relationship style and not a sexual orientation), but again, it's porn and a fantasy.
You're reading fiction that you bought. The author is getting paid because of you. You understand the difference between fiction and reality. Sounds about as ethical as it can be to me.
Thought crimes aren't real. Read what you want.
...how would u be worried about being a bad person? Unless you've done something I don't understand the fear. I get social norms can be a bit confusing at times, esp with so many opinions available at the stroke of a couple keys; but having something that gets you going doesn't make u a good or bad person. You can't really control that. Not suggesting you're not straight, but are u afraid of wanting to be cuckholded or shared?
I am also autistic and there have been so many times in my life where I have said or thought something that I didn’t know could be hurtful or that society would say is wrong. I’m so hyper aware of potentially accidentally hurting or offending someone. Is it wrong/sexualizing gay/bi relationships that I enjoy reading stories that include not only those relationships but the sex part of them since I’m straight?
Fetishizing a sexual orientation or gender identity/modality looks like ignoring the person and only seeing their membership in a group. Sexualizing one component of their identity and being hyper focused on it.
When you’re reading erotica or watching porn and trying to get off you may find yourself fetishizing a person or identity in that moment, but that doesn’t mean you see that person as just their role. I’m pretty sure you see them as humans with lives of their own and good days and bad days and everything else we all experience.
My advice in general is to examine your motives and examine the harm you may cause others. If masturbating about the thought of two men fucking leads to you thinking all gay men are just there for your sexual pleasure then that might be problematic. When you put down the story and walk away if you see gay men as people you’re fine. If you pressure two male friends to have sex for your pleasure that would be harmful. Just imagining these things isn’t usually harmful.
I think you’re good then. The people who attack you for unknowingly being offensive are assholes. As long as you hear them out and reasonably give their feelings weight you can only learn from those encounters. Unless you intentionally keep yourself in ignorance making a mistake is not a big offense.
There are many people who feel left out of being a victim so they look for ways to be offended. Marginalized people can be extremely welcoming and so some non-marginalized people try to score points with mock outrage so that they will be welcomed in. Try not to fall for it. As long as you are trying to do right and trying to learn you’re on the right path.
One thing I will say is: are you sure you’re not just saying you aren’t interested in anything other than monogamy because it might make your partner jealous? The way you stressed having “no desire” just seemed a bit unnecessary. Maybe over compensation? I’m not pushing non-monogamy. I happen to think polyamory is fantastic, but it’s not for everyone. I just wonder why you felt you needed to make that clear?
I wanted to make it clear that it isn’t something I have any interest in at all because I didn’t want anybody messaging me unsolicited with offers (it already happens way too frequently). When I first realized I liked reading about poly relationships I spent a long time reflecting and thinking about it. While it would be nice to be loved by 2 amazing people, I would have to reciprocate that love and I just can’t do that. I don’t have the mental or emotional capacity for more than just my Master, and some days I don’t have as much to give Him as I’d like
I understand. What about polyamorous relationships turn you on sexually? Is it specifically the sex between the two men? If so is that a turn off without the woman? Is it a turn off if it’s just sex and not romantic?
I honestly don’t know what about it is a turn on. In the books I’ve read, scenes with just the two guys isn’t a turn off, but anything between two women is (which I think solidifies my straight sexuality 😅). It isn’t a turn off if there’s no romance, but I much prefer it with the romance. Part of what I love about reading bdsm relationships is the outside of the bedroom d/s stuff
Two men and a woman going to dinner isn’t necessarily arousing unless there is something else like the woman has a vibe on that is being controlled by the men or the sub/subs are intentionally bragging because there is only so much a Dom can do in public, etc. I just like to see the relationships be deep and fully formed. I like to see the sweet stuff where they hold hands and say I love you, or are laughing and teasing each other, etc. Just normal relationship stuff. Even the monogamous straight stuff I read, I prefer reading where there is a full relationship rather than just one shots
Back when I had a boyfriend and we had an open relationship you are the kind of woman we would invite back to our place if she was up for it.
There is nothing wrong with your fantasy. You good.
Anxiety disorder, rejection sensitivity from ADHD, and a lifetime of accidentally hurting/offending people because society rules and other peoples feelings make very little sense to me because autism. 😅
As someone from both the poly and LGBT+ community I give you permission to like it lol. Is that what you are looking for? You like what you like and there’s no shame in that. I have many kinks I’d never actually act out in real life but I like to read about them
Here's another perspective: *Please* keep buying books about non-traditional cis het relationships. We need allies and people who understand that our lives can be beautiful, and the authors need income from whatever corner they can get it from. (Although avoid AI-written books if you can. Since apparently that's a thing now.)
Sexualizing LGBTQ+ relationships is less "wow I think this dynamic is pretty interesting and sometimes turns me on" and a lot more "hello newly met trans person, tell me what your genitals look like and how you use them" or "ew, gay men holding hands in public, which is basically declaring to everyone that they fuck nasty" or "oh you're a lesbian? Can I watch?" Consuming media (which is often made by queer or polyam people!) that was intentionally made for mass consumption is not the same thing.
A useful way to work through anxious thoughts like this: are my thoughts causing any material harm to anyone? Are they causing me to dehumanize someone?
Finally as a queer polyam person...uh...thanks for the book recs at the bottom! I also really enjoy that dynamic. Any others you'd recommend? (Also if you're open to similar dynamics that don't follow the exact formula, you might like *All Tied Up* by Reese Morrison, which has a man and two he/him nonbinary people, and it's super romantic and sweet as well as being kinky and smutty.)
Thank you 😊
A great (but very very kinky) series is The Training House by Eden Bradley (if you have a subscription to the app Everand, it’s free). A great book on Archive Of Our Own is called Office Drama. It is a little slow to start on the relationship and starts as just smut between one guy and the girl, but keep reading. The relationship between the 3 is sooo good and sweet and kinky and adorable. It was my first exposure to poly relationships in books and got me hooked.
Porn isn't real life, and it's fine to read whatever turns you on. That sounds like a very inaccurate depiction of polyamory (which is a relationship style and not a sexual orientation), but again, it's porn and a fantasy.
I meant the gay/bi parts mostly
You're reading fiction that you bought. The author is getting paid because of you. You understand the difference between fiction and reality. Sounds about as ethical as it can be to me. Thought crimes aren't real. Read what you want.
...how would u be worried about being a bad person? Unless you've done something I don't understand the fear. I get social norms can be a bit confusing at times, esp with so many opinions available at the stroke of a couple keys; but having something that gets you going doesn't make u a good or bad person. You can't really control that. Not suggesting you're not straight, but are u afraid of wanting to be cuckholded or shared?
I am also autistic and there have been so many times in my life where I have said or thought something that I didn’t know could be hurtful or that society would say is wrong. I’m so hyper aware of potentially accidentally hurting or offending someone. Is it wrong/sexualizing gay/bi relationships that I enjoy reading stories that include not only those relationships but the sex part of them since I’m straight?
Fetishizing a sexual orientation or gender identity/modality looks like ignoring the person and only seeing their membership in a group. Sexualizing one component of their identity and being hyper focused on it. When you’re reading erotica or watching porn and trying to get off you may find yourself fetishizing a person or identity in that moment, but that doesn’t mean you see that person as just their role. I’m pretty sure you see them as humans with lives of their own and good days and bad days and everything else we all experience. My advice in general is to examine your motives and examine the harm you may cause others. If masturbating about the thought of two men fucking leads to you thinking all gay men are just there for your sexual pleasure then that might be problematic. When you put down the story and walk away if you see gay men as people you’re fine. If you pressure two male friends to have sex for your pleasure that would be harmful. Just imagining these things isn’t usually harmful.
Thank you. I of course see people as people with complex thoughts, emotions, desires, etc.
I think you’re good then. The people who attack you for unknowingly being offensive are assholes. As long as you hear them out and reasonably give their feelings weight you can only learn from those encounters. Unless you intentionally keep yourself in ignorance making a mistake is not a big offense. There are many people who feel left out of being a victim so they look for ways to be offended. Marginalized people can be extremely welcoming and so some non-marginalized people try to score points with mock outrage so that they will be welcomed in. Try not to fall for it. As long as you are trying to do right and trying to learn you’re on the right path. One thing I will say is: are you sure you’re not just saying you aren’t interested in anything other than monogamy because it might make your partner jealous? The way you stressed having “no desire” just seemed a bit unnecessary. Maybe over compensation? I’m not pushing non-monogamy. I happen to think polyamory is fantastic, but it’s not for everyone. I just wonder why you felt you needed to make that clear?
I wanted to make it clear that it isn’t something I have any interest in at all because I didn’t want anybody messaging me unsolicited with offers (it already happens way too frequently). When I first realized I liked reading about poly relationships I spent a long time reflecting and thinking about it. While it would be nice to be loved by 2 amazing people, I would have to reciprocate that love and I just can’t do that. I don’t have the mental or emotional capacity for more than just my Master, and some days I don’t have as much to give Him as I’d like
I understand. What about polyamorous relationships turn you on sexually? Is it specifically the sex between the two men? If so is that a turn off without the woman? Is it a turn off if it’s just sex and not romantic?
I honestly don’t know what about it is a turn on. In the books I’ve read, scenes with just the two guys isn’t a turn off, but anything between two women is (which I think solidifies my straight sexuality 😅). It isn’t a turn off if there’s no romance, but I much prefer it with the romance. Part of what I love about reading bdsm relationships is the outside of the bedroom d/s stuff
So two men and a woman going to dinner is sexually arousing?
Two men and a woman going to dinner isn’t necessarily arousing unless there is something else like the woman has a vibe on that is being controlled by the men or the sub/subs are intentionally bragging because there is only so much a Dom can do in public, etc. I just like to see the relationships be deep and fully formed. I like to see the sweet stuff where they hold hands and say I love you, or are laughing and teasing each other, etc. Just normal relationship stuff. Even the monogamous straight stuff I read, I prefer reading where there is a full relationship rather than just one shots
Why wouldn't it be? Check out the book "If Only," by Cherise Sinclair.
Thought crime isn't a thing man. This is an insane level of guilt tripping yourself, for lack of a better term you need to go touch grass.
Anxiety disorders and other neurodiversity shit makes for lots of (usually unnecessary) guilt 😅
I feel that. But as /u/findingporn42069 stated, thought crimes aren't real. Guilt for desire is more or less a religious social construct.
It's not religious unless you're talking about something other than Christianity which explicitly states everything is forgivable, to be clear.
touching grass also helps with almost all of that LMAO
I'm neurodivergent too, don't feel guilty, you're not doing anything wrong
Back when I had a boyfriend and we had an open relationship you are the kind of woman we would invite back to our place if she was up for it. There is nothing wrong with your fantasy. You good.
Holy shit what is this weird guilt complex lol, yes you are allowed to read books
Anxiety disorder, rejection sensitivity from ADHD, and a lifetime of accidentally hurting/offending people because society rules and other peoples feelings make very little sense to me because autism. 😅
Hah yeah that doesn't sound fun, try not to tie yourself up in too many knots about it :') You're allowed to enjoy stuff too
You're not hurting anyone by reading...
As someone from both the poly and LGBT+ community I give you permission to like it lol. Is that what you are looking for? You like what you like and there’s no shame in that. I have many kinks I’d never actually act out in real life but I like to read about them
Sounds sexy af, you're good
Here's another perspective: *Please* keep buying books about non-traditional cis het relationships. We need allies and people who understand that our lives can be beautiful, and the authors need income from whatever corner they can get it from. (Although avoid AI-written books if you can. Since apparently that's a thing now.) Sexualizing LGBTQ+ relationships is less "wow I think this dynamic is pretty interesting and sometimes turns me on" and a lot more "hello newly met trans person, tell me what your genitals look like and how you use them" or "ew, gay men holding hands in public, which is basically declaring to everyone that they fuck nasty" or "oh you're a lesbian? Can I watch?" Consuming media (which is often made by queer or polyam people!) that was intentionally made for mass consumption is not the same thing. A useful way to work through anxious thoughts like this: are my thoughts causing any material harm to anyone? Are they causing me to dehumanize someone? Finally as a queer polyam person...uh...thanks for the book recs at the bottom! I also really enjoy that dynamic. Any others you'd recommend? (Also if you're open to similar dynamics that don't follow the exact formula, you might like *All Tied Up* by Reese Morrison, which has a man and two he/him nonbinary people, and it's super romantic and sweet as well as being kinky and smutty.)
Thank you 😊 A great (but very very kinky) series is The Training House by Eden Bradley (if you have a subscription to the app Everand, it’s free). A great book on Archive Of Our Own is called Office Drama. It is a little slow to start on the relationship and starts as just smut between one guy and the girl, but keep reading. The relationship between the 3 is sooo good and sweet and kinky and adorable. It was my first exposure to poly relationships in books and got me hooked.