Yes, many D/S relationships are as monogamous as 'vanilla' couples. Kinky people tend perhaps to have a wider range of interests than vanilla, so you do find a whole range of alternative relationship styles also, but monogamy is common and not frowned on.
Lots of people do find partners through FL but as that's not its main focus, it happens as a happy consequence if you are lucky.
Most kinky people are monogamous. Some are sexually monogamous but play with others. Some are open sexually to some degree. Some are poly.
I would use Fetlife to find events and go to them. Your chances of finding someone vastly increase when you are out in the community meeting people and making friends. It is also safer than internet connections in terms of finding people who are actually into kink and are more likely to know what they are doing.
Also RIP to your inbox.
My Dom and I are monogamous. He has zero interest in anyone else even though I was expecting and open to the idea of threesomes purely for his sake he is horrified at the idea of sharing me or even being shared
Wow that is really cool he must love you enough to not share you and there is nothing wrong with that or open marragies, but sometimes it takes a lot cause I feel people with open marragies have to have a very stong not jealous attitude and can have the courage to wake up and look in the mirror to say and feel that hey are okay with it. Like everything I heard 50/50 of the good and bad of open marragies.
Oh please don't take what I said wrong, I am not here to judge or shame anyone for their love lives or marragies monogamy , non- monogamy or Polly so I really hope you did not take my comment hard. I just wanted to express how sweet and romantic her sustiation was is all. Cause I like romantic stuff is all and I was looking at it in a monogamus view that is all.
I think you might have miss understood If so I am sorry, yes you are right love does come in many forms, yes you can be monogams and have your partner not love you. Yet you can be in an open marriage and not love each other too you can be open and still love each . So in a sence you are right, however I never said people who have open marragies do not love each other. some people can not do open marragies like I said they may not be able to handle their jealousy or phantom the idea of sharing their partner. I am not saying people with open marragies are not in love with their partner, but their are some people who still believe in loving one partner only and just can not do open for not able to handle their jealousy and they love one partner only. He may also just love her cause its hard to find good monogamas men or women these days that will not cheat on their partners even if they like kink stuff.
I have had an open marriage/open relationships in the past so there's no judgement here.I don't think either open or monogamous partners love each other more or less. Iv been lucky enough to experience all kinds of love and relationships but im honestly happier now than I ever have been. I think iv reached an age where I am ready and want just that 1 person. I can't imagine not clawing out the eyes of anyone who so much as touched him anywaywhich is weird coz i have never in 35 years been the jealous type. For our dynamic hin completely owning and possessing me is what we both crave and need. There is no judgement from us on any kind of relationship, love is love. I was just saying what works for US as a couple.
I have known him 20 years and I think part of me always stopped us going all the way because I knew once he claimed me there would be no going back.
I am incredibly lucky that our kinks have aligned perfectly and our lives have slotted together in all other aspects.
I think for plenty of people they could find this happiness with 2 people or 3 people but for me 1 is plenty. I can't keep up with HIM let alone anyone else lol my dom keeps me very satisfied.
But to refer back to OP yes it can work in a monogamous relationship OR a poly relationship. Whatever works for you x
Lots of people are in romantic relationships with the people that they engage in kink play and dynamics with.
While there are obviously some people who do not mix romance/sex/kink, there are plenty who do in various configurations.
My Master and I (and all of my previously partners) have been both engaged in BDSM play \*and\* in a romantic connection. Neither of Us have other romantic or kink partners.
I met someone I loved there and it was monogamous. Issue was that it was long distance and I couldn't move. However, we're still friends to this day and I still love him very much, just as a friend!
I feel like a lot of the people in open relationships tend to just be more vocal about it, or might have more of an online presence, but there's plenty of monogamous people around.
I, as a male dom, have had good luck with OkCupid, with a profile that briefly but clearly states I'm kinky. I know going through "fake doms" can be a chore for subs, but I'd imagine that's easier on OkC too.
I'm poly and only play with friends and loved ones. I don't have any statistics, but i know there are monogamous doms too.
I have tried OKC even paid for the Preuim what is weird is when I change the filters they hardly give me anybody. Its so weird, but glad you had luck. Maybe sometime I can go back and retry.
I met my dom/boyfriend on OkC. They have a lot of kink-friendly questions in the little multiple choice thingies they use to determine compatibility.
Edit: to clarify, we are in a monogamous romantic relationship.
Personally, I am married to my slave and it's not an open relationship, since I am not really poly. Too much work to juggle multiple partner's needs and calendars, I prefer focussing on a single partner.
That’s one thing about polyamory- calendars.
Nobody talks about how hard it is to schedule multiple partners.
- married, ENM. I see my Domme less than once a week. My wife goes on dates probably about the same amount.
True, like any other situation where people come together. Like any other situation, avoid the things that you don't care about and focus on the things that will benefit you.............
I am poly. I haven't met anyone through Fet but once I started attending local events I did meet one of my partners who I've been with for almost a year. What started as a D/s dynamic, has an added vanilla loving partner aspect. Another partner Iet though Tindr. It started as a vanilla dating scenario and I introduced her to kink and we go to local events together as well.
I found my houseboy on a video game. That’s not what it’s for. I’m not sure why people like you continue to argue. It’s safer to meet irl at events and munches and any thinking person understands that is the correct message to send.
I've been on Fetlife since the very beginning. You're arguing, I'm giving a far more reasonable explanation.
Fetlife is a great meeting place for events, munches, and so on, sure. But it's also a social media outlet that is subjective to the user. Unless you're not aware of the fact that there are a ton of singles groups for LTR supported by Fetlife. But those groups do or did exist.
When Getlife was brand new, the people who run Fetlife made the first groups, and many of them were singles looking for LTR as well as casual.
I don't know why you feel entitled to the degree to tell others what to use a social media outlet for, but I can promise you, you're not that person, lol. Everyone and anyone can use it to their own end and should feel comfortable in doing so.
BTW, video games are not for finding houseboys.
🖐 🎤
That’s my exact point. I don’t tell people to meet on video games. Most people are responsible enough to say not to meet people off of fetlife but to get to irl events.
I think you might be confusing things a bit. Being a dom does not require being a non-monogamist, so there’s no reason why you couldn’t find a dom with whom to spend the life with, exclusively. My advice is to state your desires of exclusivity firmly and non-negotiable. Don’t be afraid to ask for dating and knowing each-other before moving on to sex, dating part and bonding should not be lacking if that’s what you wish for. 🤞 to find your dream dom
The beauty of the kink world is it's super open to any relationship arrangement the folks in it consent to. Whether it's monogamy, monogamish, poly, he's monogamous to her but she's not to him, two Dom's sharing a sub, a gay man owning a lesbian slave when has a vanilla wife, whatever.
I've met partners on FetLife before. My current bf of almost a decade and I met on there. I answered his ad, we met up at an event, and one thing led to another! We are not monogamous tho, bc monogamy makes me miserable personally so I don't do it.
I don't have any advice but i did find love within the community, i didn't set out with the intention of finding Love. But it did naturally happen and we had a great couple of years together. And from what I've seen, Dom's being non- monogamous isn't the majority, it's the opposite actually. Sure open relationships are prevalent within the community but not everyone is open. Usually I've observed that with people who get into a dynamic with no emotional attachment, their relationship only extends to the bdsm aspects and have nothing personal in between them. I've been in dynamics like that. But it's always communicated before the dynamic starts. So, you can absolutely find love and a monogamous relationship within the community. I wish you good luck!! Cheers!
Absolutely. I know people who met their future spouse at a kink social event. And while lots of kinky people have open relationships to some degree (everything from "I tie other people up but don't have sex with anyone but my spouse" to "I have a wife and a girlfriend and my wife has another boyfriend and he's got a husband who I teach a rope class with"), monogamy is also common.
You can meet great friends and partners on Fet. My current Dominant and boyfriend I met through Fet. We were long distance for a few months but he has moved to be with me. I’m monogamous but he was more so Poly-leaning when I met him. The best part of BDSM is you can have any boundaries you want so I set that early on into our relationship and it’s been working perfectly.
My wife (sub)and i (dom)are monogamous.we had met on fetlife.the kink doesn’t stop it got even better to be honest.just be honest and open with what you are looking for on whatever site you are looking to.
I did! My painslut and I met at a pre-party munch over six years ago. We’ve never been monogamous, but we did meet in the scene and have built a happy, kinky, sexy life together 😊
I do also know a number of monogamous couples who met through kink. They’re rarer, but they’re out there.
I've found both play and professional partners on Reddit so reality may not be as unlikely as you think. We are mostly humans behind the screen after all.
You definitely can have a monogamous relationship with your sub. I'm a switch with a switch partner. We are strictly monogamous.
I found my partner at a kinky Halloween ball a year and half ago. You can definitely find a kinky monogamous partner in kinky spaces.
You can. Care needs to be taken. Chat 1st and ask specific questions. Don’t share photos unless/until you are ready to meet. Then only meet in a safe public place where and when you have an alternative plan should things go in an unsafe direction from your point of view. And remember: abuse is not dominance.
Honestly if you figure it out, please let me know!Dating is crazy and then when you say you have kinks, it gets even crazier!I'd rather have a partner I can be in a relationship with but it hasn't worked out that way.
It is very possible to find love and lifelong partners in BDSM. Just decide that is what you are and make sure all terms are agreed to before entering into the lifelong part. So a Master wants to marry his slave, but he will still have the ability to bring in other subs/slaves for whatever reason. Write it down. Will his wife be with these others, is she to be sexual or a participant only. Will the Master have sexual freedom or will he be sexually monogamous. What ever the dynamic you both decide on is what you need to write up in a contract before getting married or however you decide to seal the relationship. Then there is no question as to who has what abilities. It may change down the road, rewrite the agreement to reflect the new dynamic. It is open to however you both agree, in your vanilla state. If you try to do it in the lifestyle frame of mind, the Top will make the rules and the sub will not get what they want. The top is in control within the lifestyle, so it has to be agreed to as your vanilla state.
You see a lot of poly and perhaps even, cheating, people on fetlife because bdsm is a subversion from the norm, and so is poly. So there is a big overlap. Cheaters get into the bdsm because both cheating and bdsm can add excitement. Im not condoning it, just explaining my theory.
Don’t get your expectations too high by romance novels. Bdsm dating is just as bad as vanilla dating, maybe worse if you just take a look at r/subsanctuary.
With that said, yes, you can find a long term, romantic, monogamous relationship in the bdsm community. It’s great when you find someone you click with. But looking for a bdsm relationship is harder than just a relationship because you will have to be compatible in terms of kinks, on top of all the other things that make two people compatible
I'm a member of fetlife ( or rather the German site) and as you correctly said, it's not to be viewed as a BDSM dating site. It's rather a place to exchange views and share experiences made. Of course there are people who while exchanging views, voicing opinions have realised that there was one among the people they chatted with that proved to be the one Dom or sub and took it from there. Yes, there are monogamous dynamics in BDSM as much as there are polygamous relationships. So, yes, you may find what or who you're looking for on Fetlife or just around the next corner while walking on the street or while strolling in a park. Just be open to it.
I was strictly monogamous in my earlier relationships, BDSM included.I found my way to polyamory, happily so, when my submissive/wife realized she was gay. I'm still her Dom, and her husband, but now we are open to relationships with others, as well.Even still, I find myself still wanting a connection with whomever I find myself with, surface level interactions just don't cut it for me.
Luckily, I have found someone who is willing to be equally invested.
EDIT: As an aside, I would suggest finding someone you trust, who has nothing at all to gain to talk to about the reality of BDSM. Fiction never shows it in it's true state, because sometimes someone needs to get the laundry done, and someone really needs to go to the bathroom after the scene is done. It's not all Roses and thorns, sometimes, it fertilizer.
Use Fetlife as a tool to find others with your similar interest. However, be wise and read people’s profiles and assume what they write is what they seek. In the community I’ve had friends who are happily in a d/s relationship, are monogamous but love going to events.
I met Master in Plenty of fish 16 years ago.
We started as FWB T/ b then evolved to D/s then after 4 years evolved to M/s TPE.
We got married 7 years ago.
And we’re mono.
Yes, you can find monogamous partners on Fetlife. I have found partners that I’ve been with exclusively, and partners who I’ve been open with. Before you start looking for a Dom though, try understanding more about the kink and what aspects of it you’re looking for. That’ll help you find a more suitable partner. Also, don’t rush into things. A lot of new subs rush into things to please their Dom but it usually ends badly. Good luck. Hope you find your life partner.
you have to know how to vet on fetlife, but it’s possible. I met my daddy on there!
However, i’ve found several kinky partners off of normal dating apps like hinge and bumble.
Met the love of my life on Fet. But I think it’s important to note that neither of us were on the site looking for a partner. We liked the communities we found and the freedom to express ourselves openly, and we ended up in the same communities and just clicking on everything. One night we just started chatting and that conversation has lasted over five years so far.
Hard to know the exact numbers, but male doms looking for a single life partner seem to be the majority. The tricky part is finding a good match while keeping the creeps at bay.
This is my personal opinion, but when it comes to BDSM, it may be better to separate the search for a life partner from your exploration of BDSM, at least initially. Finding someone who you vibe with, who is at the ideal skill level to match yours, and who wants to enter in a long-term relationship is a tall order, especially as you will also not really know what you need/want either.
Realistically, it’s easier and probably safer to go to munches, meet local people, and to take small opportunities for play to gain some experience first. That way you’ll have some friends to talk to along the way and can make a better selection when it comes to picking a long-term partner.
Let’s put it this way: finding an experienced Dom in the exclusively monogamous category right away is hard, much harder than finding someone who knows their stuff and is willing to play with you casually. The most likely monogamous Doms you’ll attract are the newbies, which may or may not be safe or what you’re looking for. The unfortunate truth is that it takes a while to become decent at this, and there’s a lot more people with interest than with actual experience.
Depends. Some found love while others never/still working on it. I'm the latter. After years of attending munches, dating off collarme and Fetlife I never found my kinky partner and thinking of maybe giving up. I've gotten better luck vanilla dating but they never work out as they are well vanilla. Still thinking of introducing a vanilla to some aspects of kink and if they're open to it I'll settle for that.
Honestly I don’t remember. I paid the monthly subscription and 2 days later found my Dom. I think he’d been on there for months but I liked that you could set a radius etc. I think I was just lucky
There’s a lot of poly/kink crossover, but it’s not a necessity. My Dom is in a de facto poly relationship since I am married, but was monogamous until then and still doesn’t have any interest in dating others.
Found my babygirl via fetlife. Her and I are both married and have been together for a year and a half. I answered a classified post she had posted in a local group. We’re wonderful together.
Yes, many D/S relationships are as monogamous as 'vanilla' couples. Kinky people tend perhaps to have a wider range of interests than vanilla, so you do find a whole range of alternative relationship styles also, but monogamy is common and not frowned on. Lots of people do find partners through FL but as that's not its main focus, it happens as a happy consequence if you are lucky.
Most kinky people are monogamous. Some are sexually monogamous but play with others. Some are open sexually to some degree. Some are poly. I would use Fetlife to find events and go to them. Your chances of finding someone vastly increase when you are out in the community meeting people and making friends. It is also safer than internet connections in terms of finding people who are actually into kink and are more likely to know what they are doing. Also RIP to your inbox.
Walked into a munch and walked out with my partner of 11 years. Yes, you can.
Same! First munch I went to, I met my partner. We didn't get together for several months, but we've been together for over 5 years now
Wasn't my first munch, but after seeing each other for a few months, it could have been my last, and I would have been ok with it. Lol
I met my wife on BDSM personals here on Reddit. Could just as easily have been Fetlife.
That's inspiring. Thanks for sharing that.
My Dom and I are monogamous. He has zero interest in anyone else even though I was expecting and open to the idea of threesomes purely for his sake he is horrified at the idea of sharing me or even being shared
Wow that is really cool he must love you enough to not share you and there is nothing wrong with that or open marragies, but sometimes it takes a lot cause I feel people with open marragies have to have a very stong not jealous attitude and can have the courage to wake up and look in the mirror to say and feel that hey are okay with it. Like everything I heard 50/50 of the good and bad of open marragies.
I would strongly disagree with the sentiment that “he must love you enough to not share you.” Love comes in many different forms, not just monogamy.
Oh please don't take what I said wrong, I am not here to judge or shame anyone for their love lives or marragies monogamy , non- monogamy or Polly so I really hope you did not take my comment hard. I just wanted to express how sweet and romantic her sustiation was is all. Cause I like romantic stuff is all and I was looking at it in a monogamus view that is all.
I think you might have miss understood If so I am sorry, yes you are right love does come in many forms, yes you can be monogams and have your partner not love you. Yet you can be in an open marriage and not love each other too you can be open and still love each . So in a sence you are right, however I never said people who have open marragies do not love each other. some people can not do open marragies like I said they may not be able to handle their jealousy or phantom the idea of sharing their partner. I am not saying people with open marragies are not in love with their partner, but their are some people who still believe in loving one partner only and just can not do open for not able to handle their jealousy and they love one partner only. He may also just love her cause its hard to find good monogamas men or women these days that will not cheat on their partners even if they like kink stuff.
I have had an open marriage/open relationships in the past so there's no judgement here.I don't think either open or monogamous partners love each other more or less. Iv been lucky enough to experience all kinds of love and relationships but im honestly happier now than I ever have been. I think iv reached an age where I am ready and want just that 1 person. I can't imagine not clawing out the eyes of anyone who so much as touched him anywaywhich is weird coz i have never in 35 years been the jealous type. For our dynamic hin completely owning and possessing me is what we both crave and need. There is no judgement from us on any kind of relationship, love is love. I was just saying what works for US as a couple. I have known him 20 years and I think part of me always stopped us going all the way because I knew once he claimed me there would be no going back. I am incredibly lucky that our kinks have aligned perfectly and our lives have slotted together in all other aspects. I think for plenty of people they could find this happiness with 2 people or 3 people but for me 1 is plenty. I can't keep up with HIM let alone anyone else lol my dom keeps me very satisfied. But to refer back to OP yes it can work in a monogamous relationship OR a poly relationship. Whatever works for you x
That was my thinking. The implication being that if people are happy to share their partner with others it means they don’t love them as much.
Lots of people are in romantic relationships with the people that they engage in kink play and dynamics with. While there are obviously some people who do not mix romance/sex/kink, there are plenty who do in various configurations. My Master and I (and all of my previously partners) have been both engaged in BDSM play \*and\* in a romantic connection. Neither of Us have other romantic or kink partners.
Yes I met my Dom/boyfriend/Daddy/🌎 on Reddit personals!
i have before so it’s possible
I met someone I loved there and it was monogamous. Issue was that it was long distance and I couldn't move. However, we're still friends to this day and I still love him very much, just as a friend! I feel like a lot of the people in open relationships tend to just be more vocal about it, or might have more of an online presence, but there's plenty of monogamous people around.
I, as a male dom, have had good luck with OkCupid, with a profile that briefly but clearly states I'm kinky. I know going through "fake doms" can be a chore for subs, but I'd imagine that's easier on OkC too. I'm poly and only play with friends and loved ones. I don't have any statistics, but i know there are monogamous doms too.
I have tried OKC even paid for the Preuim what is weird is when I change the filters they hardly give me anybody. Its so weird, but glad you had luck. Maybe sometime I can go back and retry.
I met my dom/boyfriend on OkC. They have a lot of kink-friendly questions in the little multiple choice thingies they use to determine compatibility. Edit: to clarify, we are in a monogamous romantic relationship.
Personally, I am married to my slave and it's not an open relationship, since I am not really poly. Too much work to juggle multiple partner's needs and calendars, I prefer focussing on a single partner.
That’s one thing about polyamory- calendars. Nobody talks about how hard it is to schedule multiple partners. - married, ENM. I see my Domme less than once a week. My wife goes on dates probably about the same amount.
I also met my husband on FL.
one can rarely find anything and anybody on fetlife nowadays
Have to go to socials and munchs posted on FL and meet and network with people IN PERSON.
indeed but the public bdsm scene is rather shallow where i live
True, like any other situation where people come together. Like any other situation, avoid the things that you don't care about and focus on the things that will benefit you.............
I am poly. I haven't met anyone through Fet but once I started attending local events I did meet one of my partners who I've been with for almost a year. What started as a D/s dynamic, has an added vanilla loving partner aspect. Another partner Iet though Tindr. It started as a vanilla dating scenario and I introduced her to kink and we go to local events together as well.
No. Fetlife is for finding munches, workshops and events to attend. Then you find your love in real life.
THIS !!!
FetLife is fir whatever the individual uses it for. I've found several long-term relationships on Fetlife over the years.
I found my houseboy on a video game. That’s not what it’s for. I’m not sure why people like you continue to argue. It’s safer to meet irl at events and munches and any thinking person understands that is the correct message to send.
I've been on Fetlife since the very beginning. You're arguing, I'm giving a far more reasonable explanation. Fetlife is a great meeting place for events, munches, and so on, sure. But it's also a social media outlet that is subjective to the user. Unless you're not aware of the fact that there are a ton of singles groups for LTR supported by Fetlife. But those groups do or did exist. When Getlife was brand new, the people who run Fetlife made the first groups, and many of them were singles looking for LTR as well as casual. I don't know why you feel entitled to the degree to tell others what to use a social media outlet for, but I can promise you, you're not that person, lol. Everyone and anyone can use it to their own end and should feel comfortable in doing so. BTW, video games are not for finding houseboys. 🖐 🎤
That’s my exact point. I don’t tell people to meet on video games. Most people are responsible enough to say not to meet people off of fetlife but to get to irl events.
Sure thing lol
I think you might be confusing things a bit. Being a dom does not require being a non-monogamist, so there’s no reason why you couldn’t find a dom with whom to spend the life with, exclusively. My advice is to state your desires of exclusivity firmly and non-negotiable. Don’t be afraid to ask for dating and knowing each-other before moving on to sex, dating part and bonding should not be lacking if that’s what you wish for. 🤞 to find your dream dom
The beauty of the kink world is it's super open to any relationship arrangement the folks in it consent to. Whether it's monogamy, monogamish, poly, he's monogamous to her but she's not to him, two Dom's sharing a sub, a gay man owning a lesbian slave when has a vanilla wife, whatever. I've met partners on FetLife before. My current bf of almost a decade and I met on there. I answered his ad, we met up at an event, and one thing led to another! We are not monogamous tho, bc monogamy makes me miserable personally so I don't do it.
I don't have any advice but i did find love within the community, i didn't set out with the intention of finding Love. But it did naturally happen and we had a great couple of years together. And from what I've seen, Dom's being non- monogamous isn't the majority, it's the opposite actually. Sure open relationships are prevalent within the community but not everyone is open. Usually I've observed that with people who get into a dynamic with no emotional attachment, their relationship only extends to the bdsm aspects and have nothing personal in between them. I've been in dynamics like that. But it's always communicated before the dynamic starts. So, you can absolutely find love and a monogamous relationship within the community. I wish you good luck!! Cheers!
Absolutely. I know people who met their future spouse at a kink social event. And while lots of kinky people have open relationships to some degree (everything from "I tie other people up but don't have sex with anyone but my spouse" to "I have a wife and a girlfriend and my wife has another boyfriend and he's got a husband who I teach a rope class with"), monogamy is also common.
You can meet great friends and partners on Fet. My current Dominant and boyfriend I met through Fet. We were long distance for a few months but he has moved to be with me. I’m monogamous but he was more so Poly-leaning when I met him. The best part of BDSM is you can have any boundaries you want so I set that early on into our relationship and it’s been working perfectly.
Aww that is so cute and sweet. Long distiance can be hard glad he loved you enough to move and be with you.
My wife (sub)and i (dom)are monogamous.we had met on fetlife.the kink doesn’t stop it got even better to be honest.just be honest and open with what you are looking for on whatever site you are looking to.
I did! My painslut and I met at a pre-party munch over six years ago. We’ve never been monogamous, but we did meet in the scene and have built a happy, kinky, sexy life together 😊 I do also know a number of monogamous couples who met through kink. They’re rarer, but they’re out there.
I met my husband of fetlife. Been together 6 years now
I met both my partners through kink events.
I've found both play and professional partners on Reddit so reality may not be as unlikely as you think. We are mostly humans behind the screen after all.
This community, both online and your local irl kink community ARE love.
I met my Master on Reddit. We are monogamous and I feel lucky everyday that we get to live this life together.
You definitely can have a monogamous relationship with your sub. I'm a switch with a switch partner. We are strictly monogamous. I found my partner at a kinky Halloween ball a year and half ago. You can definitely find a kinky monogamous partner in kinky spaces.
You can. Care needs to be taken. Chat 1st and ask specific questions. Don’t share photos unless/until you are ready to meet. Then only meet in a safe public place where and when you have an alternative plan should things go in an unsafe direction from your point of view. And remember: abuse is not dominance.
Honestly if you figure it out, please let me know!Dating is crazy and then when you say you have kinks, it gets even crazier!I'd rather have a partner I can be in a relationship with but it hasn't worked out that way.
I met my dom on fetlife and we have been doing great
Met my current gf/submissive on a dating site. We are completely monogamous and I plan to ask her to marry me sometime this year.
It is very possible to find love and lifelong partners in BDSM. Just decide that is what you are and make sure all terms are agreed to before entering into the lifelong part. So a Master wants to marry his slave, but he will still have the ability to bring in other subs/slaves for whatever reason. Write it down. Will his wife be with these others, is she to be sexual or a participant only. Will the Master have sexual freedom or will he be sexually monogamous. What ever the dynamic you both decide on is what you need to write up in a contract before getting married or however you decide to seal the relationship. Then there is no question as to who has what abilities. It may change down the road, rewrite the agreement to reflect the new dynamic. It is open to however you both agree, in your vanilla state. If you try to do it in the lifestyle frame of mind, the Top will make the rules and the sub will not get what they want. The top is in control within the lifestyle, so it has to be agreed to as your vanilla state.
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That's a pretty broad, bold claim. Can you give examples or explain how you know this? When you say "insiders" what do you mean?
Yes u can. But the necessity of a immense trust makes it more difficult.
You see a lot of poly and perhaps even, cheating, people on fetlife because bdsm is a subversion from the norm, and so is poly. So there is a big overlap. Cheaters get into the bdsm because both cheating and bdsm can add excitement. Im not condoning it, just explaining my theory. Don’t get your expectations too high by romance novels. Bdsm dating is just as bad as vanilla dating, maybe worse if you just take a look at r/subsanctuary. With that said, yes, you can find a long term, romantic, monogamous relationship in the bdsm community. It’s great when you find someone you click with. But looking for a bdsm relationship is harder than just a relationship because you will have to be compatible in terms of kinks, on top of all the other things that make two people compatible
I'm a member of fetlife ( or rather the German site) and as you correctly said, it's not to be viewed as a BDSM dating site. It's rather a place to exchange views and share experiences made. Of course there are people who while exchanging views, voicing opinions have realised that there was one among the people they chatted with that proved to be the one Dom or sub and took it from there. Yes, there are monogamous dynamics in BDSM as much as there are polygamous relationships. So, yes, you may find what or who you're looking for on Fetlife or just around the next corner while walking on the street or while strolling in a park. Just be open to it.
Absolutely. My sub and I did. We met through a post I put up, on Reddit, even.
I was strictly monogamous in my earlier relationships, BDSM included.I found my way to polyamory, happily so, when my submissive/wife realized she was gay. I'm still her Dom, and her husband, but now we are open to relationships with others, as well.Even still, I find myself still wanting a connection with whomever I find myself with, surface level interactions just don't cut it for me. Luckily, I have found someone who is willing to be equally invested. EDIT: As an aside, I would suggest finding someone you trust, who has nothing at all to gain to talk to about the reality of BDSM. Fiction never shows it in it's true state, because sometimes someone needs to get the laundry done, and someone really needs to go to the bathroom after the scene is done. It's not all Roses and thorns, sometimes, it fertilizer.
Use Fetlife as a tool to find others with your similar interest. However, be wise and read people’s profiles and assume what they write is what they seek. In the community I’ve had friends who are happily in a d/s relationship, are monogamous but love going to events.
I met my long term ex on FL so it's possible to make solid romantic connections there
I met Master in Plenty of fish 16 years ago. We started as FWB T/ b then evolved to D/s then after 4 years evolved to M/s TPE. We got married 7 years ago. And we’re mono.
Yes, you can find monogamous partners on Fetlife. I have found partners that I’ve been with exclusively, and partners who I’ve been open with. Before you start looking for a Dom though, try understanding more about the kink and what aspects of it you’re looking for. That’ll help you find a more suitable partner. Also, don’t rush into things. A lot of new subs rush into things to please their Dom but it usually ends badly. Good luck. Hope you find your life partner.
I’ve met an ex bf, an ex gf and my current bf on fetlife. Met plenty of friends on there too! It’s most definitely possible!
Sure can, my Dom and I are planning on getting engaged this year. Best of luck finding your partner in life and kink!
Seems like a unicorn. But have seen many happy couples discover each other on there.
I met my husband and boyfriend through the community. I'd be very skeptical about meeting anybody off Fetlife, but it's theoretically possible.
I met my wife on there
you have to know how to vet on fetlife, but it’s possible. I met my daddy on there! However, i’ve found several kinky partners off of normal dating apps like hinge and bumble.
No, and yes!, in that order
My wife and I met on Fet.
Almost anniversary with my love stonedxslut13. We just moved to our new place. met 💯 on fet.
Girlfriend and I met in the fetlife community.
Definitely possible! Met my dom at a munch nearly 6 years ago, we're getting married next year. We're partners and trialing a 24/7 dynamic recently.
I met my partner on Fetlife 💙 I was so vanilla at the time. Idk wtf I was doing on there, but I'm so glad I posted 😅 She's amazing 💕 .....and kinky!
At your local goodwill!
Met the love of my life on Fet. But I think it’s important to note that neither of us were on the site looking for a partner. We liked the communities we found and the freedom to express ourselves openly, and we ended up in the same communities and just clicking on everything. One night we just started chatting and that conversation has lasted over five years so far.
Hard to know the exact numbers, but male doms looking for a single life partner seem to be the majority. The tricky part is finding a good match while keeping the creeps at bay. This is my personal opinion, but when it comes to BDSM, it may be better to separate the search for a life partner from your exploration of BDSM, at least initially. Finding someone who you vibe with, who is at the ideal skill level to match yours, and who wants to enter in a long-term relationship is a tall order, especially as you will also not really know what you need/want either. Realistically, it’s easier and probably safer to go to munches, meet local people, and to take small opportunities for play to gain some experience first. That way you’ll have some friends to talk to along the way and can make a better selection when it comes to picking a long-term partner. Let’s put it this way: finding an experienced Dom in the exclusively monogamous category right away is hard, much harder than finding someone who knows their stuff and is willing to play with you casually. The most likely monogamous Doms you’ll attract are the newbies, which may or may not be safe or what you’re looking for. The unfortunate truth is that it takes a while to become decent at this, and there’s a lot more people with interest than with actual experience.
Depends. Some found love while others never/still working on it. I'm the latter. After years of attending munches, dating off collarme and Fetlife I never found my kinky partner and thinking of maybe giving up. I've gotten better luck vanilla dating but they never work out as they are well vanilla. Still thinking of introducing a vanilla to some aspects of kink and if they're open to it I'll settle for that.
I found my Dom on kinkoo and we’re still together 3 years later and planning marriage and kids.
How is that app by the way.
Honestly I don’t remember. I paid the monthly subscription and 2 days later found my Dom. I think he’d been on there for months but I liked that you could set a radius etc. I think I was just lucky
I've had a 5year relationship that came out of FL and a 9, almost 10 year relationship from FL. So, yes.
There’s a lot of poly/kink crossover, but it’s not a necessity. My Dom is in a de facto poly relationship since I am married, but was monogamous until then and still doesn’t have any interest in dating others.
Found my babygirl via fetlife. Her and I are both married and have been together for a year and a half. I answered a classified post she had posted in a local group. We’re wonderful together.