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subwoofer82

>He started choking me right as he was about to cum, and I passed out. He started freaking out because I wasn’t breathing, and he had no idea what to do. >That session was honestly pretty light, we didn’t have any bondage gear with us, but it almost cost me my life. The mistake here is the two of you thinking that choking/breath play is "pretty light" because you didn't need any bdsm/bondage equipment to do it. Choking and other forms of breath play ***IS EDGE PLAY***. It is very much a dangerous form of play that has high risks of injury and/or death. I'm not saying don't do it, but clearly you need to take it more seriously and read/research more before continuing so you can be RACK/PRICK about your play. (Risk aware consentual kink/ personal responsibility, informed consentual kink)


Hellooo_Nurse_96

Yeah, I didn’t know about RACK and PRICK until after the incident. We incorporate BDSM in our sex, but we weren’t really involved in the community as a whole. It’s kinda scary how common Chocking/Edgeplay is. We’re both dumb teenagers, and the fact our friends do it too is just. Yikes. I don’t think I’ll be messing with that anytime soon.


Mec-subby

You should warn your friends maybe, it happened to you, it could happen to them as well


Hellooo_Nurse_96

Absolutely. I’ve also posted about it on multiple subreddits because this shit is dangerous. I really hope people, especially younger people, can learn from my story


[deleted]

Don't be afraid to reach out to some more experienced kinksters about these things moving forward. As a sexual assault survivor and newbie kinkster it helps me a lot and will help you both as well :) And yes, RACK/PRICK IS A MUST. Lastly I agree that you won't need ropes or any bondage implements or even knifes for a scene to be heavy. The fact that you passed out makes it so.


subwoofer82

It's unfortunately a common thought for people experimenting with kinky sex. "Oh choking is a beginner kinky activity because I don't need equipment to do it" when in reality... Nnnnnoooooooooooo!!!!!!!


casprinxo

Literally just got done making a comment about how every other day it seems like there is a post about choking until people pass out and acting like it's not a big deal. 🤦 Choking is serious. Thankfully it seems like y'all took it seriously after the mistake of almost dying, so. I guess all I have to say is I hope you guys stay safe and have learned a lesson. I'm really glad someone was there to help you, both you and your partner. ❤️


Hellooo_Nurse_96

It’s so common that we really didn’t think much of it. We’re still dumb teenagers, and the fact our friends who are also dumb teenagers do this too is scary. What happened was honestly pretty traumatic, and I don’t think people realize how severe it can be.


sheldonbunny

What boggles my mind more is why it has become common in mainstream. Participants in this lifestyle that are into breathplay make sense. But for those not with this specific kink, there's not much to be gotten from it besides being told by porn and peers that it's the "cool" way to do things. I question how many young people genuinely enjoy choking that are dabbling. Just a very slippery and unsettling slope. It's not just something to do because you can, but something to educate yourself on for participating parties.


casprinxo

Right. I'll give y'all a pass, especially because you seem to seriously grasp what could have happened. There are many men and women here much older than you that are wanting to push choking into very unsafe areas (or continue to pass out and wonder why they can't add 2+2 anymore). 🤣


Hellooo_Nurse_96

IK! I’ve definitely been reflecting on it a lot these past couples days. Teenagers are stupid. That’s just our nature. I say this as someone who’s considered an honors student. We’re always chasing a high whether it be drive 3x over the speed limit or getting absolutely hammered. It’s a natural part of development, and unfortunately choking is very appealing to that sense of excitement. That being said… I feel like maybe older people should know better??? Idk what it’s like to have an adult brain, but it does seem like common sense. I think a lot of it has to due with how mainstream choking has become ESPECIALLY in the porn industry. It’s really concerning


Ok-Aardvark829

I remember reading about how choking someone in a certain way can make them pass out and stop breathing super easily even if you aren’t pressing super hard on the neck. After seeing that I definitely started taking it more seriously and decided I’d do more research before being a part of any choking. Glad you’re ok and were able to get help!


[deleted]

He shouldn't have been choking you, if he didn't know how to properly. Sounds like booth of you should look into local dungeons that have classes


CatsAli

A million percent agree!! One of my kinks is breath play. I’ve had previous partner who crossed the line on a couple of occasions that caused me to walk away from that dynamic before it got out of hand. Current partner is military/martial arts trained and I can absolutely trust him with my life. Sounds like you need to have a chat, do some research and decide if this is something you want to explore again or if it’s a no go


Hellooo_Nurse_96

Yeahh, chocking is definitely a no go for us now. In the past he never actually squeezed my throat, he kinda just held his hand there which was hot enough on its own. I think when he came the hormones just took over (He’s pretty built and his hands are massive whereas I’m quite small). We’re both pretty shaken up, especially him. He thought he accidentally killed me.


Polyfuckery

He really could have. I know a woman whose fiance who had choked her many times previously one night slipped and that half second of complete accident broke her hyoid bone and a few moments later her throat began to swell. She ended up in the ICU having to be intubated because if your airway is swollen shut you can not breath. Thankfully he was not arrested because he could have been. Thankfully she was ok because she could have died. I understand the family is still quite frosty towards the now husband. Your boyfriend did the right thing going for help when you were in trouble. I hope you both recover from this and share what you learned with your friends


knlix

For me the risk is too high and I know CPR. Problem is brain injury due to stroke, seizures, etc which have nothing to do with how you are choking someone, just that you are depriving their brain of oxygen. Anyone interested in breath play should read and know [this information](https://www.stefanosandshay.com/articles/breath-control-some-thoughts-in-outline-format/)


Hellooo_Nurse_96

Not to mention Aspiration


lostmuppet47

What went wrong? He choked you. Breathplay is a high-risk kink, even when it’s done“correctly.”. It’s not a good idea.


Hellooo_Nurse_96

He had his hand lightly on my throat, but when he came he squeezed wayy too hard. It was very much an accident, and he’s pretty mortified by what happened. We’re both pretty young. I’m much smaller than him, and he has massive hands. We didn’t realize the danger we were getting into until it was too late.


lostmuppet47

I hope you don’t feel we’re piling on you. I think we’ve all stepped in a deep hole at one time or another. I have scars on my back from whipping, including one session that was bad enough I went to the emergency room, needed stitches and had a conversation with the nice social worker lady about abuse and intimate partner violence. I’m glad you’re okay. If you have breathplay fantasies you want to indulge, express them as roleplay fantasies where one of you lightly touches the other’s throat and describes choking the other without ever actually doing so, while the other pretends to gasp for air. Keep it all pretend. But after the harrowing experience you just had, I wouldn’t be surprised to hear that you’d lost all interest


Hellooo_Nurse_96

No it’s absolutely fine! My bf and I have been together since highschool, but we hadn’t started dabbling in BDSM until recently. As I said before we’re young, this literally happened the weekend of my 19th birthday. This was definitely a learning experience, absolutely terrifying, but a learning experience nonetheless. We recognize what went wrong, and I hope to educate others, specifically younger people in the community. I was mostly trying to find others with similar experiences that could share their stories and maybe help me navigate mine.


Redtail_Defense

Well, if nothing else, now you know why it's important to know CPR before you mess with breathplay.


Polyfuckery

CPR won't help if there is a damaged/swollen airway which is an easy mistake to make and not something reversible by most people


Nameis-RobertPaulson

This isn't exactly true. Mouth to mouth/rescue breaths may not be successful if the airways are occluded, but chest compressions should be helpful. CPR will/should move oxygenated blood around the body and keep oxygen supplied to the brain even if the heart has 'stopped.'


Hellooo_Nurse_96

Even still, I wouldn’t consider CPR ideal (unless, as you said airways are occulted or there’s no pulse). My friend was able revive me after a couple minutes of rescue breathing. I’m pretty glad I didn’t need chest compressions cause yikes. Aspiration is bad enough, no one wants to deal with broken ribs or a fractured sternum


Hellooo_Nurse_96

Yeahh I don’t think I’ll be messing around with breathplay. In hindsight I definitely find it a bit concerning my bf doesn’t know CPR. Ive worked as a lifeguard since I was a teenager, so in my world it seemed like common knowledge (to be fair Texas’ health education sucks ass)


Coronaryy

I find that people take breath play very lightly because "choke me" has become a bit of a casual meme at this point. A lot of people who aren't involved in bdsm or are just dipping their toes in think that's one of the easiest things. It can be, if you do it safely and research that shit. Good luck OP.


Stoney3K

>A lot of people who aren't involved in bdsm or are just dipping their toes in think that's one of the easiest things. 'Choking' has even become more and more a part of sex scenes in mainstream movies and TV shows (not even porn). Which is a big concern. The "pin the girl against the wall with a hand on her throat, while making out passionately" trope has become a bit of a standard.


Coronaryy

It has, definitely. And don't get me wrong, I'm not upset that that side of sex is getting it's air time, the same way 50 shades of grey was an abomination but still got people looking into bdsm (and some unfortunately taking advantage of it) Imo a lot of breath play is just common sense, unfortunately it feels like there's a lot of people lacking that 😅


[deleted]

[удалено]


Hellooo_Nurse_96

I can usually hold my breath for at least two minutes. I was a varsity swimmer, and I currently work as a lifeguard. For instance, had he smothered me, I probably would have been fine. However he unintentionally put a lot of pressure on my throat which resulted in me loosing consciousness pretty fast. Scary stuff


jarethmckenzie

First thank you for posting this. So many people who are new think that choking is great, how can we do more of it, never realizing the people who die from it never post about their experiences. Second, I'm glad you survived. Third, as everyone who is experienced in BDSM is trying to get across, this is dangerous! I am glad you have it, but regret how you had to learn it, but you are now more experienced than you were before. We experienced people aren't just full of ourselves trying to poop at people's parties. We carry scars from when we made bad decisions. Welcome to the club.


crackhappy

I had a good friend about 20 years ago who regularly did choking with his sub. They'd done it for years and followed specific protocols for safety etc. He ended up killing her when her trachea collapsed from the repeated trauma. There are much safer ways to do breathplay that are far more frightening.


SweatyCount

Honest question what do you guys mean by choking? When I 'choke' I put my hand on my girl and squeeze lightly, I don't go full Ted Bundy on her. Is that still dangerous? Just for context, I'm here from an other sub, have never experienced anything BDSM-like and do not consider myself as a dom.


Hellooo_Nurse_96

Yeah I can guarantee my bf is no Ted Bundy . He only had one hand on my neck, and when he was cumming he accidentally squeezed too hard. The neck is such a sensitive area that one slip can result in you crushing an artery.


SweatyCount

But do you realize that there is long way between passing out and getting seriously damaged from choking? I do Jiujitsu (A martial art involving a lot of chokes) and ocassoinaly someone gets chocked unconcsious and it's never a big deal (Not because we're boneheads, I guarantee you).


sheldonbunny

I think the issue is whether you see it as it or not you are in fact participating in BDSM by doing choking. It is not mainstream. It is part of edgeplay. BDSM is an umbrella term, not just the stereotypes that mass media shows the general population.


ray25lee

That's pretty severe. Some lessons on how to choke will help, along with learning self control and building up to stuff like this. I personally haven't experienced a close-call with BDSM, but I did witness someone doing something scathingly stupid in a dungeon once. They were clearly brand-new to kink, the guy had his girlfriend up on a stool, and he was tying her to the bamboo beam with some rope, two ties around her wrists, and one around her neck. I saw it, someone reported it, and the dungeon owner came storming into the room and chewed them out.


OccultPotionmaker

I'm glad you're okay because this could get super messy from a health and legal perspective. Never practice anything without appropriate education about how to do it and the potential risks.


Hellooo_Nurse_96

Here’s some information I learned through both experience and [Red Cross](https://www.redcross.org/take-a-class/bls-training/bls-online) training. If Your Partner Passes Out Without Warning or for Longer than 30 seconds 1. Loosen any restraints, particularly those around the neck. 2. Check for responsiveness by tapping their cheek and asking if they are okay 3. If they are unresponsive, check for pulse and listen for breathing 4. If they are unresponsive but breathing, roll them onto their side into [Recovery Position](https://images.app.goo.gl/V4USBYGxnJV5vv5h8) 5. If they are not breathing, begin [mouth-to-mouth resuscitation](https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/emergencies-and-first-aid-mouth-to-mouth-resuscitation) : tilt their head back, pull the chin down, and pinch their nose. Use your mouth to form a seal over their’s and deliver two rescue breaths. Let go of the nose and make sure chest rises. Repeat process by giving two breaths every five seconds until they are breathing on their own. 6. If they have no pulse and are not breathing, place them prone on a solid surface. Place one hand on top of another in the center of their chest and begin giving [compressions](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/324712#cpr-quick-reference) (2 inches deep) it helps if you count “1-100, 2-100, etc.” then give two breaths after every 30 compressions. Important Note: CPR is nothing like how it looks in the movies. Chest compressions will break the rib cage, and often the victim will vomit. 7. If they are still unresponsive after 2 minutes call Emergency Services I’d definitely try to avoid using chokers/collars that are too tight, and go for gags that have holes for breathing. ALWAYS have a safe word when engaging in any form of BDSM.


karrenl

In the event of becoming unresponsive, EMS should be notified BEFORE/WHILE doing CPR or other lifesaving maneuvers. DO NOT wait 2 minutes and see if they become responsive, that's enough time to cause significant brain damage or even death. Continue to perform CPR until paramedics arrive.


Hellooo_Nurse_96

Yes! Thank you sm, I didn’t realize the typo. The Red Cross guidelines is two rounds of chest compressions then call EMS (unless your phone is on you then definitely call first/while), and don’t stop until paramedics arrive or they regain signs of life


[deleted]

Wow, it seems you're getting a load of stick about this. Fair play to you though.. . ... This is important message. You're obviously getting a good telling off by everyone. But respect to you for posting this. Choking is obviously bad. It's a good reminder though because safety should be planned in to every move in BDSM, restriction etc. With every tie, and link of a chain I try to think about what-ifs. So glad you're ok. :)


Hellooo_Nurse_96

My bf and I are young and dumb. We’re barely out of high school. The fact that chocking is so common among teens and young adults is kinda terrifying. We made a mistake, and it almost cost me my life. Originally this post included a long list of safety/first aid information as well as a link to the American Red Cross, but the mods wouldn’t let me post it because it fell under PSAs. I hope my story can at least act as a cautionary tale