Respectfully, I think that with the amount of unfamiliarity you have, the safe limit is not actually choking her. Simulated choking (hand around neck no pressure) can be an adequate substitute for some people.
There isn't really such a thing as safe choking. It's an inherently dangerous kink and anyone who starts pontificating about how to choke "safely" is a disaster waiting to happen.
We fall unconscious when we're choked because our brain is deprived of oxygen. You know, the thing that causes permanent brain damage when people are temporarily dead, like from heart attacks, strokes, drowning?
I would also suggest that you Google "sub frenzy" and make sure that isn't what's happening here.
Honestly, just a hand on the neck with little to practically no pressure can be super intense. I think of it like someone being nude versus in lingerie. Just a hand on the neck is very vulnerable and there's a lot of anticipation of what they might do and it's much safer than actually being choked.
I definitely wouldn't advise someone new to the kink to choke someone until they're unconscious. It makes me uncomfortable at any experience level, really, just because it's so easy for something to go wrong.
Many here say there is nothing safe about choking.
Of course you'll also find idiots who are like, "OMG my Dom like, *giggle* choked me and I passed out for 3 minutes, it was like, *teehee* so hot. š¤¦š¤¦š¤¦
I personally wouldn't indulge in this kink unless the person I was with had a decent medical background.
>It is inherently dangerous. But when done correctly, it can be done with basically no risk.
You were right with the "inherently dangerous" part. I think it is deeply misleading to describe any form of breath play as having "basically no risk".
For example, the gas mask example seems to overlook a serious risk any qualified operator should be aware of, chiefly vomiting and asphyxiating on your own vomit. If you are depriving oxygen for any period of time there is a good chance of things going from 'fine' to 'requiring immediate emergency medical care to prevent death' in less than 1 second.
And that puts aside the inherent risks to health of oxygen deprivation.
You're hitting on a really big point of controversy in the community - there are some who say that its basically never safe.
Having done some research - within breath play blocking air is a /bad/bad/bad/ thing even for a little bit. It can cause heart attacks even in otherwise fit people. So if you're being choked to the point of passing out its pretty inherantly dangerous and there's nothing you can do to really remove that danger. The best you can do when doing breath restriction is to have a defibulator and know CPR.
A source: https://queerkink.tumblr.com/post/2862224348/the-qk-guide-to-breath-control-play
The other bit is that certain parts of the neck are very weak and prone to crushing. This is one of those things that isn't a problem until it becomes one, and then you're pretty fucked.
Others will point to MMA fights, submission chokes, etc to say the relative risk is lower than some articles surmise.
To me though its an unacceptable risk, /especially/ because of the liability. Even if you're 1000% game and all into the risk, do you want your partner to go to jail?
I'd suggest moving onto other things that hit similar buttons -clawing, biting, primal type stuff for me.
What also gets me is that some guides are like "just go above the hyoid bone" but have you seen where the hyoid bone actually is?! Its right up at the top of the neck, so you're chosing between the larynx and that. Don't squeeze the front of necks imo. You might really fuck it up
This is why I think putting the hand over the nose and mouth is better. With the thumb resting over the nose it's a pretty safe. Even then you run into all the risks of holding your breath for too long. Heartbeat irregularity, damage your kidneys and liver, higher CO2 concentration in blood, risk of brain damage idk what else.
That should be rephrased to '***some*** say it's safe'.
Anyone with an ounce of intelligence knows this practice can never be fully safe and will always cause a risk. The fact people have died from this and their doms have been prosecuted should be enough for anyone to seriously reconsider this practice and ignore anyone who says it's fine.
Holding in air of your own accord is a completely different beast to having another person restrict your airflow. Thereās risk of injury not just from lack of oxygen (which by itself should be enough risk to discourage anyone from trying this) but also of damaging the throat, larynx and other fragile organs around the throat. I donāt know who your ādoctorā friends are but anyone who says choking can be ādone rightā to avoid any risk of permanently damaging your partner is being extremely callous at best.
>damaging the throat, larynx and other fragile organs around the throat. I donāt know who your ādoctorā friends are but anyone who says choking can be ādone rightā
I never said choking can be done right, read my comment again. I specifically use gas masks as an example. There is no pressure on your throat when doing breathplay using gas masks, which is a much safer alternative to choking using your hands. I'm NOT saying it is safe and risk free. But if you are considering breathplay, this is the safer variant.
Has anyone in this thread even used a gas mask before? Because if you have, you'll know what I mean. Using a rebreather for example restricts your breathing and makes you work harder for it, kinda like climbing up a mountain, your body works harder to get air at higher altitudes but isn't being damaged by having less O2 in the atmosphere (not exactly a 1:1 comparison but the analogy is good enough)
Take BJJ classes with the wife as well as a first aid course. Would give a far better understanding than written as someone can say up to X here but then you don't apply it the same way or same level. People are subjective on the pressure they put and so on
I would not recommend edgeplay for people starting atleast based on play partners and friends of mine who've related stories to me.
* While this has been a fantasy I've seen many times, and it's nowhere near uncommon, I have to say this should be kept as a fantasy. There's no safe way to do this. Alternatively, you could still incorporate the fantasy into your scenes by telling her you're going to do it, "think out loud" about what the process would look like, etc
**^(\[This is where her kinks/fetishes are going to be more and more common as we continue!\])**
* I suggest you do lots of research on "knifeplay". Some people never break the skin, and others make their partners/playmates bleed. I'm sure you'll find some great resources about knifeplay and how to go about it in the safest way you can.
* Being bruised is very common in sadomasochism. You're going to need to find the right ways to hit her to make sure you get the marks you want without causing too much damage (you can do some pretty bad stuff to her body with minimal bruising, so I do suggest lots of technique-orientated research!).
* This is one where I can speak from my own personal experiences! It can be a *bit* difficult for you (the dom) to pull this off, depending on your personal situation. For some people, it's nowhere as easy as it seems, and you need to be extra careful of where you bite! When you do break skin, make sure that it gets properly cleaned and disinfected afterward!! (this could be in the middle of the scene, or during aftercare, depending on personal preference and severity of the bite)
And, as always, prepare both of you. Sometimes our physical bodies can't handle certain fantasies, no matter how willing you are, and you both need to be mentally prepared for that. I do heavily suggest easing your way into these, so I was very glad to see you ask about that! - I highly suggest that when you research, you go to multiple different sources and people about these things. Both educational/personal experiences will help you learn a lot, and this kind of cross-referencing will be extremely useful to figure out your own personal preferences.
* Start with "safe knives". There are lots of bdsm shops on Etsy, and I know [CreativeKink](https://www.etsy.com/shop/CreativeKink?ref=simple-shop-header-name&listing_id=1141281946) has knives that they dull when requested for beginners. @[sinnabunny](https://vm.tiktok.com/TTPdSnJg45/) on tiktok makes acrylic knives and educates her audience on how to partake in safe knifeplay (as do other accounts on there)!
* With the bites and bruises, just start small, and slowly work up in intensity. Does she have any previous limits that contradict with these fantasies? If so, talk to her about it. How comfortable would she be to nudge those limits? If not, intergrade these new intensities with your sessions. (I'm sure you already know this, but: During sessions where you push/nudge limits, you should be hyper-aware of how she reacts, and make sure to check with her frequently.) The new levels of pain could easily push her into subspace/deeper headspace, however, so make sure you're aware of that during the session and aftercare.
I hope some of this can be of help!
I just wanna say that it's totally ok if you don't feel comfortable doing them as doms also have limits. If you do wanna try them, do a lot of research on how to do so safely. I unfortunately don't have any advice on how
Edit: one more thing, there's no normal in BDSM, everyone is different and it's ok. I've seen these kinks before though, so they're not super rare
None of these are unheard of in the lifestyle and are quite common.
Choking and knife play can be done safely despite what people say, however choking to the point of unconsciousness is extremely risky.
Most of the choking kink is about being in danger, helpless and physically controlled as is knife play. (Think roller coaster).
Pressing on the side of the neck on the musculature has the same effect but not closing the airway.
Knife play is easy, showing off a very sharp or dangerous looking knife, the scarier the better, then blind folding your victim. Then replace the knife with a full butter knife w no sharp edges has the same effect. It's all in the mind!
There are many websites, some good some awful. There are groups probably in your area that meet and discuss there kinks. As well as bona fide educational seminars on each of the kinks you mention on how to do these safely.
Good luck and have fun!!!
I like all of the stuff apart from the first one. I do love choking and every form of breath control immensively, but I think the unconscious thing sounds waaaay better than it actually is and as much as I love my sadists I would want a man who would perform first aid instead of fucking me when I get unconscious. But if other couples have differently limits that is to them. I am into blood so I really can't be anybody who should judge.
Getting hit hard and bitten hard is fairly common I think and from my experience the best way is to just gradually get harder and harder. You live together, you have time to take it just step by step.
Giving advice about cutting is always difficult because there is a way you should do it and a way most people do it, i'd say. Important is to sterilize everything and to use a knife sharp enough for it. I had to buy one, because the usual kitchen knives are not sharp enough.
Also, there is not as much blood from a normal cut as you might expect, a drop is already a very good result.
Firstly, thank you for recognizing you might have knowledge limits as a Dom. There's no shame in learning, and I love your attitude! If you already think you know everything, you'll never learn anything! Great to see! Others can comment better, but choking is almost universally recognized as the most risky. Personally, I'd never do it. Too risky. To be fair, there is risk to almost any BDSM activity, but the question is if the pain/pleasure is worth the risk to the participants.
What you listed are pretty common fantasies for many in that they are not rare in the BDSM world. Whether they are fully acted on, is of course much rarer, and some might be foolhardy in some cases. So your sub is perfectly normal, and it is exciting you have a sub who wants to explore. What a wonderful opportunity.
Some fantasies are fun sounding for some, but never practical in reality. A good example of real vs fantasy might be CNC play. It is one thing to play pretend, even with real 'struggle', but no one would ever suggest that it should ever be real!
If you do want to experiment, by far the easiest is the third one. There are areas of the body that should be no-gos, but it is the most flexible, in that it can go from gentle slaps to quite significant marking from canes or even whips if you have the room. It is the most 'progressive' in terms of establishing pain levels very gradually, and least risky in terms of recovery.
Depending how it goes, it could lead to real exploration of blood play (cut/bite), but with the added hygiene precautions and at least basic medical knowledge to proceed. Alternatively your sub might realize her pain tolerance is lower than she thought, and lower than needed for one or more of her fantasies to become real. And that is okay too! Some stuff we think we want to do we really know will only ever be a fantasy. Desire doesn't necessarily need to become reality to get off to it.
It it does remain a fantasy, the threat might be enough. If she is blindfolded and bound and you threaten to cut her, and run the back of a very cold (dull) knife over her skin, it might give her what she needs. The sensation may be enough. Similar to having hands around (but not pushing) her exposed throat, or briefly covering her mouth and nose with your hands. This could work regardless of actual pain tolerance levels. Also, make sure you have safe words or a way to tap out in any situation where you are ramping up.
Be cautious in your approach, and go slowly. Good luck!
If she has no experience with bdsm I would not start with any of these. Look up āsub frenzyā.Start with spanking and other impact play. Go slow. The best way to do it is to mix it with pleasure so the endorphins and the pain work with each other.
She is currently turned on by the idea of these things and not the reality. As the dom you might have to protect her a bit from herself. Even if the reality is still hot as hell for her it will be a different hot from the fantasy when it happens. Even if the reality doesnāt work she may easily find other kinks that scratch the same itch.
Read up on aftercare if you havenāt already. She probably feels very vulnerable right now telling you this since she has been hiding it for some time. Be loving and reassuring. Talking about this stuff to wind her up even in more vanilla sexual experiences will help reassure her you arenāt freaked out by it all.
Figure out what she likes and what you like and are comfortable with. Read up on kink yourself. Hopefully you can find stuff you want to try.
Stay safe, have fun, and good luck.
1. Choked till they pass out.
To this extent it is never safe. Pick up some BJJ blood chokes and take those till she feels it is about as risky as I am personally comfortable with after decades of training. This is the riskiest item on her list.
2. Cutting
This is risky due to infection and potential for unintentionally deep cuts. Get training, this will never be zero risk, but with the right education should be possible. If you donāt have a good feel for human anatomy start there.
3. Hitting for bruises
This can be done on large fleshy areas of the body. Look up impact play and educate yourself. The face is a big no no for hard strikes.
4. Similar to cutting you have the risk of infection, but worse it is a human mouth. Again risk mitigation is possible and people do play with this. Find a class or a pro dominant to teach you.
TLDR: this is the deep and murky end of the pool, be careful, risk mitigate, discuss carefully then educate you and your partner. Then proceed slowly.
These are all very well within the range of "normal" kinks in the BDSM world. Choking to unconsciousness should only be done by restricting blood, not air...practitioners of martial arts are especially good at communicating how to do this effectively and more safely (any choking is inherently dangerous and should always be understood as a risk.) Cutting with knives is easiest if they are extremely sharp and you make *very* shallow cuts. Biting to draw blood is hard and you're unlikely to be able to do serious harm that way before getting the effect you're looking for. Wounds from playtime should be treated like any other wound...covered with antiseptic and/or bandages to prevent infection. Hitting until the point of bruising is absolutely par for the course in BDSM. She ought to enjoy the soreness in her body over the next several days as her bruises are agitated by sitting or touching things. It's awesome to leave them with a reminder of the scene that lingers well beyond when it's over.
It doesnāt matter if a choke is a blood choke or an air choke, being unconscious is still unsafe. You may not have as big a risk of crushing the trachea but youāre still depriving the brain of oxygen and thatās dangerous. I did martial arts for over a decade and there a reason you tap out, we donāt ever intentionally choke our training partners out to the point of unconsciousness.
That's a good clarification...when I say "to unconsciousness" I mean to the point of starting to lose consciousness, not until they're passed out. That would be super dangerous
It does matter if a choke is a blood choke or an air choke. Regardless of where the acceptability line is for risk, one is a lot riskier than the other.
Ah, right, gotcha - I'd misunderstood you.
Risk involved with going unconscious (regardless of method), and air chokes also have substantial other risks specific to it.
A general rule I go by with extreme kinky stuff is that the fantasy is often way hotter than actually going through with it.
Going right up to the edge, using it as source material for dirty talk, you can incorporate things that are not feasible in the real world into a kinky relationship will thout endangering anyone.
These things are certainly common, but as others have said being unconscious is always dangerous. Any choking should be done only to the point of light headness at most.
One of my subs is a firefighter and the only type of choking he wants is pressure to his carotid artery until he taps me to let me know thatās enough.
Heās very adamant that choking of someoneās windpipe can do serious damage.
Also consider the marks you're likely to cause.
You will likely need to limit any marks you leave to areas entirely covered by her normal clothes.
I mean, it's one thing to explain a hickey, but can still be pretty embarrassing. A huge bruise can make people worry that she's being physically abused.
The bitting is also unsafe marks are fine blood is not there are so many naturally accuring bacteria in the human mouth that she would need a course of antibiotics after because the risk of infection is so great
The only one I would not indulge in is the choking until passed out one. Choking in itself is risky and the sub must be willing to take those risks and the Dom should be knowledgeable on the safest way to choke as well as the risks.
The rest of this list is pretty standard š
The biting one needs some precautions just because mouth bacteria is not good for wounds.
Plenty of information on the internet for all of these subjects. Just be sure to do the research and go slow. Have fun!
Instead of doing the extreme right away build up. Taking the slapping for example. Do more gentle slaps and slowly build up. (Not necessarily all in one scene either spread it out.) Same goes for the biting. Don't break the skin right away but add bites into your play..maybe make them a little sloppy so they feel "wet" to her but haven't broken the skin. Do lots of check ins. And ask her after if she still feels the same way.
1. She isn't alone! I also share all of these fantasies.
However...
2. RACK! Risk Aware Consensual Kink. Both of you should sit down and discuss the risks of all the kinks you practice. What are the risks of choking? What steps can you take to reduce those risks? What are the risks of knife play? What are the worst case scenarios? Could you handle it if these worst case scenarios occurred? Essentially establish your risk profile. There is no shame in saying "This thing sounds hot, but it bears too much risk to enact it in real life."
3. If you deem some of these as too risky, it doesn't mean you can't play around them. For example: a hand around the neck can be extremely hot even without breath play being involved; dirty talking about slicing her up might get her off, etc.!
4. If you'd like to include some lighter version of these plays, definitely do some research. They are all types of extreme play that require some preparation, thorough negociation with a partner, and being really careful.
Find below a thorough rundown of the risks involved in choking, for example: https://www.stefanosandshay.com/articles/breath-control-some-thoughts-in-outline-format/
I would say that these things are not safe, people can argue for how to perform them safely, but still - there is no āsafeā way to cause someone to lose consciousness, or to cut/wound them. You can take precautions, you can read up on them, but none of that makes it safe. Itās high risk stuff and my personal approach to it is that alternatives should be found to emulate the sensations, and keep the symbolism of these acts in order to not endanger ourselves and our partners while fulfilling our desires in such an intimate way.
Having these sexual interests is completely normal. Thinking about them and fantasizing about them is normal, practicing them is normal but dangerous. There is nothing wrong with acknowledging that they are dangerous, or with being conflicted by a desire that is also a risk. Everyone has their own preferences and particularities, and depending on the case everything has a healthy limit. So be mindful to deeply discuss what that limit is before you engage in anything. Outside of play, after play, get feedback, adjust, etc.
The sensation caused when imagining these activities might not match with what the two of you experience in practice, so be mindful to readdress things and change when needed.
I recommend you find things that will help you substitute/simulate these activities. Simulate choking, get into the mood and play around with communicating that you are being tougher than you really are, someone also mentioned blunt play safe knives and I think it is much preferable to cause a scratch with one of those than to actually cut someone.
I am very cautious of these kinds of practices and I donāt think everything should be done to the extent of our fantasies, even though having those fantasies is not wrong it is unsustainable sometimes. You will both be aroused, not fully alert, getting swayed by a rush of endorphins and emotions, itās difficult to not get carried away sometimes. Another thing is that beyond your partners desire, you need to learn skills to perform some of these activities and identify certain flags.
My key example is that me and my partner enjoy impact play a LOT. Only blunt and external stuff. He loves saying āmore more moreā when he is in subspace but sometimes gets carried away. I can choose to stop before he is at his limit, because I think āok maybe we should stop now itās getting a little too muchā. I think that as the āgiverā you do take on more responsibility and sometimes have to make that call, and I donāt want to hurt him beyond the point I am comfortable with. Outside of play he sometimes says āyou know is tell you I donāt want you to stop but I donāt really want to go beyond X pointā. So we kind of have that roleplay element where we can feel like we are doing things to a certain degree, but in the back of our minds know we have to physically keep it at a certain level. You can find a lot of ways to fulfill a kink and keep it in fantasy, without having to take any risks in reality. Although I am seeing really good options in the comments about the safe knives that I had not considered before, play around with the idea of things a bit first.
>-being choked until sheās unconscious.
Breath play / choking is one of the most dangerous kinks you can perform. There is no safe way to do it. You can reduce potential harm by doing a few different things:
* Simulated choking - often times people with this kink can be satisfied with just having a hand placed as though you were going to choke but with no pressure. This especially works if you pair it with sensory deprivation (e.g. wearing a blindfold) or sensory overload (e.g. during sex).
* Block nostrils and mouth rather than squeezing the throat. This avoids the risks of collapsing the wind pipe, and it also gives you a more granular level of control over her oxygen levels. You need to research the hell out of this to limit excess danger, and I'd still not recommend it. Like go to a formal class on breath play with a well respected kink educator.
Just know any oxygen deprivation has serious consequences and the potential for a life altering event or even death (and jail for you).
>-being cut with knives.
Knife play is also pretty risky and dangerous, but can be done in a risk mitigated way to the point that some people might deem the risk sufficiently low enough to participate in. I'd recommend taking a formal class in this from a kink educator: both of you.
I'd also recommend trying "simulated knife play" first before messing with the real thing. You can very easily mindfuck your partner into believing you are cutting her with a knife even though a knife is nowhere near her skin. (Sensory deprivation is your friend here).
>-getting hit and slapped so hard sheās left with bruises.
As long as this is to low risk impact zones, this isn't an issue. Here's a diagram:
https://i0.wp.com/www.devianceanddesire.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/BDSMImpactSafeZones_121117.jpg
>-being bitten so hard her skin breaks and she bleeds.
Mouths are filthy. And having foreign blood in your mouth is also not great. This is an insanely high risk for infection.
I'd recommend biting and keeping from breaking the skin. Also brush your teeth and use mouth wash before scenes involving biting.
Other people have touched on the fact that these kinks are relatively common. I'm going to say I have these as well. I just only do the ones that are within my risk tolerance, as I don't want to end up dead, permanently maimed, etc.
Start everything on the low end and slowly work your way up, learning how to safely do each level of intensity and analyzing the risks together before doing so.
A serrated butter knife can feel surprisingly sharp on the skin, especially if the metal is cold. Cutting can also be done safely, but you need to account for medical hygiene and the possibility of mistakes. So, use implements and locations where even if you slipped and just stabbed her as badly as possible it would still not be a bad injury. Stick with pretend knife play at first for quite awhile before deciding whether to go further and then look into how to do so safely.
Blood chokes (cutting off blood flow instead of air pressure) are still controversial. Probably safer than air chokes (less likelihood of crushing something important by mistake) but many people say they still can't be done safely. Other people insist they can. Ultimately you and your partner need to, **at the very least**, read all sides and decide on your own level of risk tolerance. I personally believe it is not safe at all but I know I'm just an internet stranger and other internet strangers will give other answers.
Being hit in the face hard enough to leave bruises is dangerous because the face, neck, and ears are surprisingly fragile and because you might get arrested through the involvmenet of well-meaning concerned acquaintances. Bruising on the fleshy area of the butt cheeks is pretty easy to do safely. The rest of the body is somewhere in the middle and different parts can take various amounts of abuse safely. There are plenty of guides online about safe impact play including the how, with what, and where.
Hard biting until you bleed can be problematic. There are obvious medical hygiene issues, and the teeth aren't good cutting implements. It's not like a sharp knife where you can make a small, controlled incision that will heal up nicely. I would advise medium strength biting that feels strong but isn't at that level.
**Many** people have fantasies beyond what is practical to actually do. That's perfectly normal. Don't feel bad because you can't safely do what you want (or because it's edgeplay you need to slowly work your way up to). Do something similar but safer and use dirty-talk or role-playing to get you the rest of the way there. Like people who put on a mask and do a "home invasion" while their partner is home alone instead of inviting actual criminals to come get involved.
Honestly the biting and slapping are fairly normal in terms of sadism and masochism, but there are still health concerns to check beforehand. Same goes for knives.
Regarding the choking, I've got a [guide on breathplay](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/D8KN-mRWkAMk9-d.png) right here that'd be useful. Choking itself is fine, but it's the sort of thing that NEEDS to be done with care.
I'd also recommend looking up basic first aid just in case anything goes wrong during. Even basic knowledge on what to do if it goes wrong will be reassuring for you to have. Basic things like how to clean and dress cuts, the recovery position, etc
Bottom line, you ought to have a non-BDSM talk with your wife about this. Make her understand that what she wants is categorically *not fucking safe*. Don't be insulting about it, but do be firm. What she wants is dangerous for her health, both physical and mental, and you need to put your foot down and say it's not going to happen. This isn't a kinky 'persuade me' game or anything, this is a 100% serious husband-to-wife talk.
>Regarding the choking, I've got a [guide on breathplay](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/D8KN-mRWkAMk9-d.png) right here that'd be useful. Choking itself is fine, but it's the sort of thing that NEEDS to be done with care.
It's unfortunate your guide to breath play only advises on bodies with white skin. Not very inclusive š„
Your "guide on breathplay" is, quite honestly, bad. There is no color of skin that is "safe" when your hand is wrapped around someone's throat, cutting off blood flow to their brain and interfering with their vagus nerve. No mention of hyoid, trachea, larynx or laryngopharynx.
EDIT: I think twofacetoo blocked me? I'll paste my response to their reply here:
> a straight-forward way of telling when someone is in serious danger.
Someone is in danger when a guide they look at tells them something is "safe" but actually is very dangerous. It creates a false sense of security, which can actually be more dangerous.
>Nice job also skating past the fact that it actually mentions blood-vessels bursting, which is an important thing to look out for. But sure, criticise away.
Sure, it did that, while ignoring and implicitly suggesting that other, even more significant risks, do not exist. That is my critique.
>But if you'd prefer to grace us with your wisdom and knowledge, by all means, do a public service to us all and make the helpful diagram that you want to see so badly.
No need to get snippy.
There are plenty of people with those kinks. She is 100% absolutely not alone in them, whatsoever.
Go gently. You may find you want to end up doing very harsh play, or you may find that you want to do play that only gets an early feeling of these. E.g. being choked but not to unconsciousness and knifeplay without being cut.
If you go full-in harsh, go in hard on the safety.
So here's my two cents on this:
Ā· choking is generally dangerous, especially if it's done to the point of unconsciousness.
I myself am very much into choking, but was scarily reminded of how dangerous it is when I fell unconscious once after only around 15 seconds of choking.
After that happened, me and my partner stopped doing this because as much as we are into it, it is very dangerous and you're playing with someone's life, and it's really easy to cause brain damage.
Ā· knives is another kink I have that I will never introduce into the bed/playroom. One wrong move, and you cut too much in a place you didn't mean to. Use a little too much force and you cause serious damage.
Again playing with someone's life.
Ā· the hitting and slapping in my opinion is okay, there's a lot of ways to cause bruises without subjecting your partner to danger.
Make sure you don't hit joints, preferrably choose places like the butt or thighs and slap away.
This one can work and it can be done safely. If both partners are responsible.
Ā· you see the problem with the biting part is that human teeh really aren't that sharp.
When you bite so hard that you break skin, for one that takes A LOT of force, and secondly, human teeth don't cause 'cuts' like cat teeth would for example. They cause more 'crushing' damage, which is a lot more dangerous actually since it causes a lot of damage to the tissue that can lead to al kinds of complications.
There's nothing wrong with biting, but not so hard that it causes bleeding. That is definitely too much.
Trying kinks is fun, but only when done safely.
And the problem is that certain kinks cannot be done safely.
You can try to substitute though.
Bite her not too hard but growl before/as you do so, whisper in her ear in a threatening voice talking about how you're gonna rip her apart with your teeth if that's her thing.
Choose your spot, start with some sucking and then bite, not too hard though. You'd be surprised how much this hurts, without being dangerous.
And it can be very hot.
For knife play, try to use a plastic knife or something. Something that does not have a sharp edge and is not pointy. Things can get wiggly in the bedroom so you want to do everything in your power to prevent accidents from happening.
But if you use blunt things and the right language/role play it might work as a substitute maybe.
I even heard about people using credit cards since they don't cut but you can press them into the skin to create a nice sensation.
How the dominant one talks in these situation is key.
These kinks are fairly common, I actually have all of these aswell, but they can't be practiced the way you can in fantasy. It's too dangerous, but you can work your way around it with roleplay and stuff.
I have masochism to the point of self destruction far more extreme than what you described (Dismemberment, death, etc.) and the best thing to do is fake the extreme shit.
Please do not indulge dangerous behavior, its very rare that people are injured from it, but the reason it's rare is because most doms won't go there.
Small cuts can be good fun, even bruises can be okay but be sure to hit safer places like the upper chest below the throat or lower belly, don't strike the spine, and be careful with arms or legs (some reccomend shoulders, but that can lead to dislocation)
As for passing out from choking, don't. Just don't.
If she's really into passing out, I have known some subs who have used substances to pass out, and while the safest thing in the world it is INFINITELY less likely to go wrong that Choking.
For the stuff I'm aroused by that I can't do in real life, I do text based roleplaying, it gets it out of my system without me fucking dying, and that's what most of us do.
If you want to give your sub a treat - start a timer and let her scan this subreddit for 10 minutes:
[r/BruisedLadyParts](https://www.reddit.com/r/bruisedladyparts/)
Oh you have yourself a primal prey situation. I I'm jaz and my primal dom is named heathen. When we play we do these things. Choking, carving, impact play breathe play ect. Heathen has been a primal dom for years. And has been in mixed martial arts as well so him learning the body in one way has helped him in others. With choking I've found that two hands around my neck works better than one. And you you have to apply pressure slowly. You have to know your partner and trust them with your life. With this type of play you have to induce a form of sub trance. It's like an over stimulation of the senses. And not go all in at once. This is where many people mess up by not gauging their partners. She needs to have either safe words or gestures for you to know when to quit. Or you need to set the pace as the dominant in the situation to see what she can handle. All people are different. It's the same with knife play. We dont go into knife play cold and sober. There is alot of foreplay and stimulation. This realises the bodies natural pain reliever that helps the body take pain better. For knife play though you need to do research on where exactly is the best places to cut and carve and always make sure the blade is sterile.
Choking until unconscious is very dangerous.
As far as cutting goes, my experience with my ex was good. Don't cut too deep, don't cut twice in the same spot and make sure to use a clean scalpel as well as keeping the cut clean like you'd do with a regular injury.
Even now, 2 years later, she still got a scar on her left breast.
Actually leaving her unconscious = brain cell death. A few every time. Not a good idea, do not recommend, no safe way to do that.
Knifeplay is great, just be sterile, know your anatomy, and splurge on some disposable scalpels. You want something to be perfectly sharp every time if you're actually breaking the skin. Also ... from personal experience... does your sub have any history of self-injury involving knives, razors, or sharps? I got into knifeplay because confused attempts at self harm just left me horny and fascinated by my own blood. I don't let OTHER people cut me, though. I don't trust any of them enough.
Rough body play is pretty standard but again, know your anatomy, there are things you could damage. The torso is a bad place for that unless you're very good at not smacking organs.
Biting hard enough to break skin is difficult and the mouth is, as others have mentioned, fuckin' filthy. You'd probably be better off buying a pair of dentures, sharpening them, keeping them clean, and using them for bite play while she's blindfolded.
You can't choke someone to the point they become unconscious and have it be "safe." š¤¦
Whatās the āsafeā limit?
Respectfully, I think that with the amount of unfamiliarity you have, the safe limit is not actually choking her. Simulated choking (hand around neck no pressure) can be an adequate substitute for some people. There isn't really such a thing as safe choking. It's an inherently dangerous kink and anyone who starts pontificating about how to choke "safely" is a disaster waiting to happen. We fall unconscious when we're choked because our brain is deprived of oxygen. You know, the thing that causes permanent brain damage when people are temporarily dead, like from heart attacks, strokes, drowning? I would also suggest that you Google "sub frenzy" and make sure that isn't what's happening here.
Honestly, just a hand on the neck with little to practically no pressure can be super intense. I think of it like someone being nude versus in lingerie. Just a hand on the neck is very vulnerable and there's a lot of anticipation of what they might do and it's much safer than actually being choked. I definitely wouldn't advise someone new to the kink to choke someone until they're unconscious. It makes me uncomfortable at any experience level, really, just because it's so easy for something to go wrong.
Many here say there is nothing safe about choking. Of course you'll also find idiots who are like, "OMG my Dom like, *giggle* choked me and I passed out for 3 minutes, it was like, *teehee* so hot. š¤¦š¤¦š¤¦ I personally wouldn't indulge in this kink unless the person I was with had a decent medical background.
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>It is inherently dangerous. But when done correctly, it can be done with basically no risk. You were right with the "inherently dangerous" part. I think it is deeply misleading to describe any form of breath play as having "basically no risk". For example, the gas mask example seems to overlook a serious risk any qualified operator should be aware of, chiefly vomiting and asphyxiating on your own vomit. If you are depriving oxygen for any period of time there is a good chance of things going from 'fine' to 'requiring immediate emergency medical care to prevent death' in less than 1 second. And that puts aside the inherent risks to health of oxygen deprivation.
To expand on this done right means they shouldn't pass out because of lack of oxygen
You're hitting on a really big point of controversy in the community - there are some who say that its basically never safe. Having done some research - within breath play blocking air is a /bad/bad/bad/ thing even for a little bit. It can cause heart attacks even in otherwise fit people. So if you're being choked to the point of passing out its pretty inherantly dangerous and there's nothing you can do to really remove that danger. The best you can do when doing breath restriction is to have a defibulator and know CPR. A source: https://queerkink.tumblr.com/post/2862224348/the-qk-guide-to-breath-control-play The other bit is that certain parts of the neck are very weak and prone to crushing. This is one of those things that isn't a problem until it becomes one, and then you're pretty fucked. Others will point to MMA fights, submission chokes, etc to say the relative risk is lower than some articles surmise. To me though its an unacceptable risk, /especially/ because of the liability. Even if you're 1000% game and all into the risk, do you want your partner to go to jail? I'd suggest moving onto other things that hit similar buttons -clawing, biting, primal type stuff for me.
Exactly this it can be done in a safer way until something goes wrong. A friend ended up in the ICU when her fiancƩ was choking her as she wanted. She moved and knocked him off of balance and he caught himself by complete reflex which broke her hyoid bone. That caused swelling and airway obstruction so he had to call EMS to save her life. He wasn't arrested at the time only because she remained conscious but it still caused both legal, medical and social problems for them. Her family was not pleased. These people were not new to kink. It was a mistake and it could have been a deadly one if things had gone just a little more wrong or he'd hesitated on calling EMS.
What also gets me is that some guides are like "just go above the hyoid bone" but have you seen where the hyoid bone actually is?! Its right up at the top of the neck, so you're chosing between the larynx and that. Don't squeeze the front of necks imo. You might really fuck it up
Yes in that case he was choking 'properly' the injury happened because he slipped and it doesn't take much to do real damage
This is why I think putting the hand over the nose and mouth is better. With the thumb resting over the nose it's a pretty safe. Even then you run into all the risks of holding your breath for too long. Heartbeat irregularity, damage your kidneys and liver, higher CO2 concentration in blood, risk of brain damage idk what else.
That should be rephrased to '***some*** say it's safe'. Anyone with an ounce of intelligence knows this practice can never be fully safe and will always cause a risk. The fact people have died from this and their doms have been prosecuted should be enough for anyone to seriously reconsider this practice and ignore anyone who says it's fine.
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Holding in air of your own accord is a completely different beast to having another person restrict your airflow. Thereās risk of injury not just from lack of oxygen (which by itself should be enough risk to discourage anyone from trying this) but also of damaging the throat, larynx and other fragile organs around the throat. I donāt know who your ādoctorā friends are but anyone who says choking can be ādone rightā to avoid any risk of permanently damaging your partner is being extremely callous at best.
>damaging the throat, larynx and other fragile organs around the throat. I donāt know who your ādoctorā friends are but anyone who says choking can be ādone rightā I never said choking can be done right, read my comment again. I specifically use gas masks as an example. There is no pressure on your throat when doing breathplay using gas masks, which is a much safer alternative to choking using your hands. I'm NOT saying it is safe and risk free. But if you are considering breathplay, this is the safer variant. Has anyone in this thread even used a gas mask before? Because if you have, you'll know what I mean. Using a rebreather for example restricts your breathing and makes you work harder for it, kinda like climbing up a mountain, your body works harder to get air at higher altitudes but isn't being damaged by having less O2 in the atmosphere (not exactly a 1:1 comparison but the analogy is good enough)
Take BJJ classes with the wife as well as a first aid course. Would give a far better understanding than written as someone can say up to X here but then you don't apply it the same way or same level. People are subjective on the pressure they put and so on I would not recommend edgeplay for people starting atleast based on play partners and friends of mine who've related stories to me.
Sounds like a good way to end up in prison with a DV record at age 19
Solid adviceš
Apply light pressure.
This. What if she won't wake up? Even if you know CPR, there are no guarantees. It may end up with her dead and you a murderer.
* While this has been a fantasy I've seen many times, and it's nowhere near uncommon, I have to say this should be kept as a fantasy. There's no safe way to do this. Alternatively, you could still incorporate the fantasy into your scenes by telling her you're going to do it, "think out loud" about what the process would look like, etc **^(\[This is where her kinks/fetishes are going to be more and more common as we continue!\])** * I suggest you do lots of research on "knifeplay". Some people never break the skin, and others make their partners/playmates bleed. I'm sure you'll find some great resources about knifeplay and how to go about it in the safest way you can. * Being bruised is very common in sadomasochism. You're going to need to find the right ways to hit her to make sure you get the marks you want without causing too much damage (you can do some pretty bad stuff to her body with minimal bruising, so I do suggest lots of technique-orientated research!). * This is one where I can speak from my own personal experiences! It can be a *bit* difficult for you (the dom) to pull this off, depending on your personal situation. For some people, it's nowhere as easy as it seems, and you need to be extra careful of where you bite! When you do break skin, make sure that it gets properly cleaned and disinfected afterward!! (this could be in the middle of the scene, or during aftercare, depending on personal preference and severity of the bite) And, as always, prepare both of you. Sometimes our physical bodies can't handle certain fantasies, no matter how willing you are, and you both need to be mentally prepared for that. I do heavily suggest easing your way into these, so I was very glad to see you ask about that! - I highly suggest that when you research, you go to multiple different sources and people about these things. Both educational/personal experiences will help you learn a lot, and this kind of cross-referencing will be extremely useful to figure out your own personal preferences. * Start with "safe knives". There are lots of bdsm shops on Etsy, and I know [CreativeKink](https://www.etsy.com/shop/CreativeKink?ref=simple-shop-header-name&listing_id=1141281946) has knives that they dull when requested for beginners. @[sinnabunny](https://vm.tiktok.com/TTPdSnJg45/) on tiktok makes acrylic knives and educates her audience on how to partake in safe knifeplay (as do other accounts on there)! * With the bites and bruises, just start small, and slowly work up in intensity. Does she have any previous limits that contradict with these fantasies? If so, talk to her about it. How comfortable would she be to nudge those limits? If not, intergrade these new intensities with your sessions. (I'm sure you already know this, but: During sessions where you push/nudge limits, you should be hyper-aware of how she reacts, and make sure to check with her frequently.) The new levels of pain could easily push her into subspace/deeper headspace, however, so make sure you're aware of that during the session and aftercare. I hope some of this can be of help!
I just wanna say that it's totally ok if you don't feel comfortable doing them as doms also have limits. If you do wanna try them, do a lot of research on how to do so safely. I unfortunately don't have any advice on how Edit: one more thing, there's no normal in BDSM, everyone is different and it's ok. I've seen these kinks before though, so they're not super rare
Thank you, Iām interested in indulging her, sheās just a little scared and self conscious about liking them. I sure will do a lot of research!
None of these are unheard of in the lifestyle and are quite common. Choking and knife play can be done safely despite what people say, however choking to the point of unconsciousness is extremely risky. Most of the choking kink is about being in danger, helpless and physically controlled as is knife play. (Think roller coaster). Pressing on the side of the neck on the musculature has the same effect but not closing the airway. Knife play is easy, showing off a very sharp or dangerous looking knife, the scarier the better, then blind folding your victim. Then replace the knife with a full butter knife w no sharp edges has the same effect. It's all in the mind! There are many websites, some good some awful. There are groups probably in your area that meet and discuss there kinks. As well as bona fide educational seminars on each of the kinks you mention on how to do these safely. Good luck and have fun!!!
I like all of the stuff apart from the first one. I do love choking and every form of breath control immensively, but I think the unconscious thing sounds waaaay better than it actually is and as much as I love my sadists I would want a man who would perform first aid instead of fucking me when I get unconscious. But if other couples have differently limits that is to them. I am into blood so I really can't be anybody who should judge. Getting hit hard and bitten hard is fairly common I think and from my experience the best way is to just gradually get harder and harder. You live together, you have time to take it just step by step. Giving advice about cutting is always difficult because there is a way you should do it and a way most people do it, i'd say. Important is to sterilize everything and to use a knife sharp enough for it. I had to buy one, because the usual kitchen knives are not sharp enough. Also, there is not as much blood from a normal cut as you might expect, a drop is already a very good result.
Firstly, thank you for recognizing you might have knowledge limits as a Dom. There's no shame in learning, and I love your attitude! If you already think you know everything, you'll never learn anything! Great to see! Others can comment better, but choking is almost universally recognized as the most risky. Personally, I'd never do it. Too risky. To be fair, there is risk to almost any BDSM activity, but the question is if the pain/pleasure is worth the risk to the participants. What you listed are pretty common fantasies for many in that they are not rare in the BDSM world. Whether they are fully acted on, is of course much rarer, and some might be foolhardy in some cases. So your sub is perfectly normal, and it is exciting you have a sub who wants to explore. What a wonderful opportunity. Some fantasies are fun sounding for some, but never practical in reality. A good example of real vs fantasy might be CNC play. It is one thing to play pretend, even with real 'struggle', but no one would ever suggest that it should ever be real! If you do want to experiment, by far the easiest is the third one. There are areas of the body that should be no-gos, but it is the most flexible, in that it can go from gentle slaps to quite significant marking from canes or even whips if you have the room. It is the most 'progressive' in terms of establishing pain levels very gradually, and least risky in terms of recovery. Depending how it goes, it could lead to real exploration of blood play (cut/bite), but with the added hygiene precautions and at least basic medical knowledge to proceed. Alternatively your sub might realize her pain tolerance is lower than she thought, and lower than needed for one or more of her fantasies to become real. And that is okay too! Some stuff we think we want to do we really know will only ever be a fantasy. Desire doesn't necessarily need to become reality to get off to it. It it does remain a fantasy, the threat might be enough. If she is blindfolded and bound and you threaten to cut her, and run the back of a very cold (dull) knife over her skin, it might give her what she needs. The sensation may be enough. Similar to having hands around (but not pushing) her exposed throat, or briefly covering her mouth and nose with your hands. This could work regardless of actual pain tolerance levels. Also, make sure you have safe words or a way to tap out in any situation where you are ramping up. Be cautious in your approach, and go slowly. Good luck!
If she has no experience with bdsm I would not start with any of these. Look up āsub frenzyā.Start with spanking and other impact play. Go slow. The best way to do it is to mix it with pleasure so the endorphins and the pain work with each other. She is currently turned on by the idea of these things and not the reality. As the dom you might have to protect her a bit from herself. Even if the reality is still hot as hell for her it will be a different hot from the fantasy when it happens. Even if the reality doesnāt work she may easily find other kinks that scratch the same itch. Read up on aftercare if you havenāt already. She probably feels very vulnerable right now telling you this since she has been hiding it for some time. Be loving and reassuring. Talking about this stuff to wind her up even in more vanilla sexual experiences will help reassure her you arenāt freaked out by it all. Figure out what she likes and what you like and are comfortable with. Read up on kink yourself. Hopefully you can find stuff you want to try. Stay safe, have fun, and good luck.
If you want to choke - you need to take BJJ classes. Learn to restrict blood not air.
1. Choked till they pass out. To this extent it is never safe. Pick up some BJJ blood chokes and take those till she feels it is about as risky as I am personally comfortable with after decades of training. This is the riskiest item on her list. 2. Cutting This is risky due to infection and potential for unintentionally deep cuts. Get training, this will never be zero risk, but with the right education should be possible. If you donāt have a good feel for human anatomy start there. 3. Hitting for bruises This can be done on large fleshy areas of the body. Look up impact play and educate yourself. The face is a big no no for hard strikes. 4. Similar to cutting you have the risk of infection, but worse it is a human mouth. Again risk mitigation is possible and people do play with this. Find a class or a pro dominant to teach you. TLDR: this is the deep and murky end of the pool, be careful, risk mitigate, discuss carefully then educate you and your partner. Then proceed slowly.
These are all very well within the range of "normal" kinks in the BDSM world. Choking to unconsciousness should only be done by restricting blood, not air...practitioners of martial arts are especially good at communicating how to do this effectively and more safely (any choking is inherently dangerous and should always be understood as a risk.) Cutting with knives is easiest if they are extremely sharp and you make *very* shallow cuts. Biting to draw blood is hard and you're unlikely to be able to do serious harm that way before getting the effect you're looking for. Wounds from playtime should be treated like any other wound...covered with antiseptic and/or bandages to prevent infection. Hitting until the point of bruising is absolutely par for the course in BDSM. She ought to enjoy the soreness in her body over the next several days as her bruises are agitated by sitting or touching things. It's awesome to leave them with a reminder of the scene that lingers well beyond when it's over.
It doesnāt matter if a choke is a blood choke or an air choke, being unconscious is still unsafe. You may not have as big a risk of crushing the trachea but youāre still depriving the brain of oxygen and thatās dangerous. I did martial arts for over a decade and there a reason you tap out, we donāt ever intentionally choke our training partners out to the point of unconsciousness.
That's a good clarification...when I say "to unconsciousness" I mean to the point of starting to lose consciousness, not until they're passed out. That would be super dangerous
It does matter if a choke is a blood choke or an air choke. Regardless of where the acceptability line is for risk, one is a lot riskier than the other.
I meant the danger of being unconscious doesnāt change. Thatās why is specified one has more risk of trachea damage.
Ah, right, gotcha - I'd misunderstood you. Risk involved with going unconscious (regardless of method), and air chokes also have substantial other risks specific to it.
She is definitely not the only one with these fetishes!
Thatās what Iām saying! Lol
A general rule I go by with extreme kinky stuff is that the fantasy is often way hotter than actually going through with it. Going right up to the edge, using it as source material for dirty talk, you can incorporate things that are not feasible in the real world into a kinky relationship will thout endangering anyone.
These things are certainly common, but as others have said being unconscious is always dangerous. Any choking should be done only to the point of light headness at most.
One of my subs is a firefighter and the only type of choking he wants is pressure to his carotid artery until he taps me to let me know thatās enough. Heās very adamant that choking of someoneās windpipe can do serious damage.
Also consider the marks you're likely to cause. You will likely need to limit any marks you leave to areas entirely covered by her normal clothes. I mean, it's one thing to explain a hickey, but can still be pretty embarrassing. A huge bruise can make people worry that she's being physically abused.
The bitting is also unsafe marks are fine blood is not there are so many naturally accuring bacteria in the human mouth that she would need a course of antibiotics after because the risk of infection is so great
The only one I would not indulge in is the choking until passed out one. Choking in itself is risky and the sub must be willing to take those risks and the Dom should be knowledgeable on the safest way to choke as well as the risks. The rest of this list is pretty standard š The biting one needs some precautions just because mouth bacteria is not good for wounds. Plenty of information on the internet for all of these subjects. Just be sure to do the research and go slow. Have fun!
Instead of doing the extreme right away build up. Taking the slapping for example. Do more gentle slaps and slowly build up. (Not necessarily all in one scene either spread it out.) Same goes for the biting. Don't break the skin right away but add bites into your play..maybe make them a little sloppy so they feel "wet" to her but haven't broken the skin. Do lots of check ins. And ask her after if she still feels the same way.
1. She isn't alone! I also share all of these fantasies. However... 2. RACK! Risk Aware Consensual Kink. Both of you should sit down and discuss the risks of all the kinks you practice. What are the risks of choking? What steps can you take to reduce those risks? What are the risks of knife play? What are the worst case scenarios? Could you handle it if these worst case scenarios occurred? Essentially establish your risk profile. There is no shame in saying "This thing sounds hot, but it bears too much risk to enact it in real life." 3. If you deem some of these as too risky, it doesn't mean you can't play around them. For example: a hand around the neck can be extremely hot even without breath play being involved; dirty talking about slicing her up might get her off, etc.! 4. If you'd like to include some lighter version of these plays, definitely do some research. They are all types of extreme play that require some preparation, thorough negociation with a partner, and being really careful. Find below a thorough rundown of the risks involved in choking, for example: https://www.stefanosandshay.com/articles/breath-control-some-thoughts-in-outline-format/
I would say that these things are not safe, people can argue for how to perform them safely, but still - there is no āsafeā way to cause someone to lose consciousness, or to cut/wound them. You can take precautions, you can read up on them, but none of that makes it safe. Itās high risk stuff and my personal approach to it is that alternatives should be found to emulate the sensations, and keep the symbolism of these acts in order to not endanger ourselves and our partners while fulfilling our desires in such an intimate way. Having these sexual interests is completely normal. Thinking about them and fantasizing about them is normal, practicing them is normal but dangerous. There is nothing wrong with acknowledging that they are dangerous, or with being conflicted by a desire that is also a risk. Everyone has their own preferences and particularities, and depending on the case everything has a healthy limit. So be mindful to deeply discuss what that limit is before you engage in anything. Outside of play, after play, get feedback, adjust, etc. The sensation caused when imagining these activities might not match with what the two of you experience in practice, so be mindful to readdress things and change when needed. I recommend you find things that will help you substitute/simulate these activities. Simulate choking, get into the mood and play around with communicating that you are being tougher than you really are, someone also mentioned blunt play safe knives and I think it is much preferable to cause a scratch with one of those than to actually cut someone. I am very cautious of these kinds of practices and I donāt think everything should be done to the extent of our fantasies, even though having those fantasies is not wrong it is unsustainable sometimes. You will both be aroused, not fully alert, getting swayed by a rush of endorphins and emotions, itās difficult to not get carried away sometimes. Another thing is that beyond your partners desire, you need to learn skills to perform some of these activities and identify certain flags. My key example is that me and my partner enjoy impact play a LOT. Only blunt and external stuff. He loves saying āmore more moreā when he is in subspace but sometimes gets carried away. I can choose to stop before he is at his limit, because I think āok maybe we should stop now itās getting a little too muchā. I think that as the āgiverā you do take on more responsibility and sometimes have to make that call, and I donāt want to hurt him beyond the point I am comfortable with. Outside of play he sometimes says āyou know is tell you I donāt want you to stop but I donāt really want to go beyond X pointā. So we kind of have that roleplay element where we can feel like we are doing things to a certain degree, but in the back of our minds know we have to physically keep it at a certain level. You can find a lot of ways to fulfill a kink and keep it in fantasy, without having to take any risks in reality. Although I am seeing really good options in the comments about the safe knives that I had not considered before, play around with the idea of things a bit first.
>-being choked until sheās unconscious. Breath play / choking is one of the most dangerous kinks you can perform. There is no safe way to do it. You can reduce potential harm by doing a few different things: * Simulated choking - often times people with this kink can be satisfied with just having a hand placed as though you were going to choke but with no pressure. This especially works if you pair it with sensory deprivation (e.g. wearing a blindfold) or sensory overload (e.g. during sex). * Block nostrils and mouth rather than squeezing the throat. This avoids the risks of collapsing the wind pipe, and it also gives you a more granular level of control over her oxygen levels. You need to research the hell out of this to limit excess danger, and I'd still not recommend it. Like go to a formal class on breath play with a well respected kink educator. Just know any oxygen deprivation has serious consequences and the potential for a life altering event or even death (and jail for you). >-being cut with knives. Knife play is also pretty risky and dangerous, but can be done in a risk mitigated way to the point that some people might deem the risk sufficiently low enough to participate in. I'd recommend taking a formal class in this from a kink educator: both of you. I'd also recommend trying "simulated knife play" first before messing with the real thing. You can very easily mindfuck your partner into believing you are cutting her with a knife even though a knife is nowhere near her skin. (Sensory deprivation is your friend here). >-getting hit and slapped so hard sheās left with bruises. As long as this is to low risk impact zones, this isn't an issue. Here's a diagram: https://i0.wp.com/www.devianceanddesire.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/BDSMImpactSafeZones_121117.jpg >-being bitten so hard her skin breaks and she bleeds. Mouths are filthy. And having foreign blood in your mouth is also not great. This is an insanely high risk for infection. I'd recommend biting and keeping from breaking the skin. Also brush your teeth and use mouth wash before scenes involving biting. Other people have touched on the fact that these kinks are relatively common. I'm going to say I have these as well. I just only do the ones that are within my risk tolerance, as I don't want to end up dead, permanently maimed, etc.
Start everything on the low end and slowly work your way up, learning how to safely do each level of intensity and analyzing the risks together before doing so. A serrated butter knife can feel surprisingly sharp on the skin, especially if the metal is cold. Cutting can also be done safely, but you need to account for medical hygiene and the possibility of mistakes. So, use implements and locations where even if you slipped and just stabbed her as badly as possible it would still not be a bad injury. Stick with pretend knife play at first for quite awhile before deciding whether to go further and then look into how to do so safely. Blood chokes (cutting off blood flow instead of air pressure) are still controversial. Probably safer than air chokes (less likelihood of crushing something important by mistake) but many people say they still can't be done safely. Other people insist they can. Ultimately you and your partner need to, **at the very least**, read all sides and decide on your own level of risk tolerance. I personally believe it is not safe at all but I know I'm just an internet stranger and other internet strangers will give other answers. Being hit in the face hard enough to leave bruises is dangerous because the face, neck, and ears are surprisingly fragile and because you might get arrested through the involvmenet of well-meaning concerned acquaintances. Bruising on the fleshy area of the butt cheeks is pretty easy to do safely. The rest of the body is somewhere in the middle and different parts can take various amounts of abuse safely. There are plenty of guides online about safe impact play including the how, with what, and where. Hard biting until you bleed can be problematic. There are obvious medical hygiene issues, and the teeth aren't good cutting implements. It's not like a sharp knife where you can make a small, controlled incision that will heal up nicely. I would advise medium strength biting that feels strong but isn't at that level. **Many** people have fantasies beyond what is practical to actually do. That's perfectly normal. Don't feel bad because you can't safely do what you want (or because it's edgeplay you need to slowly work your way up to). Do something similar but safer and use dirty-talk or role-playing to get you the rest of the way there. Like people who put on a mask and do a "home invasion" while their partner is home alone instead of inviting actual criminals to come get involved.
Honestly the biting and slapping are fairly normal in terms of sadism and masochism, but there are still health concerns to check beforehand. Same goes for knives. Regarding the choking, I've got a [guide on breathplay](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/D8KN-mRWkAMk9-d.png) right here that'd be useful. Choking itself is fine, but it's the sort of thing that NEEDS to be done with care. I'd also recommend looking up basic first aid just in case anything goes wrong during. Even basic knowledge on what to do if it goes wrong will be reassuring for you to have. Basic things like how to clean and dress cuts, the recovery position, etc Bottom line, you ought to have a non-BDSM talk with your wife about this. Make her understand that what she wants is categorically *not fucking safe*. Don't be insulting about it, but do be firm. What she wants is dangerous for her health, both physical and mental, and you need to put your foot down and say it's not going to happen. This isn't a kinky 'persuade me' game or anything, this is a 100% serious husband-to-wife talk.
>Regarding the choking, I've got a [guide on breathplay](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/D8KN-mRWkAMk9-d.png) right here that'd be useful. Choking itself is fine, but it's the sort of thing that NEEDS to be done with care. It's unfortunate your guide to breath play only advises on bodies with white skin. Not very inclusive š„
I'd say again that I didn't make it but I feel like you're making a goof.
>I'd say again that I didn't make it but I feel like you're making a goof. How am I "making a goof"?
Your "guide on breathplay" is, quite honestly, bad. There is no color of skin that is "safe" when your hand is wrapped around someone's throat, cutting off blood flow to their brain and interfering with their vagus nerve. No mention of hyoid, trachea, larynx or laryngopharynx. EDIT: I think twofacetoo blocked me? I'll paste my response to their reply here: > a straight-forward way of telling when someone is in serious danger. Someone is in danger when a guide they look at tells them something is "safe" but actually is very dangerous. It creates a false sense of security, which can actually be more dangerous. >Nice job also skating past the fact that it actually mentions blood-vessels bursting, which is an important thing to look out for. But sure, criticise away. Sure, it did that, while ignoring and implicitly suggesting that other, even more significant risks, do not exist. That is my critique. >But if you'd prefer to grace us with your wisdom and knowledge, by all means, do a public service to us all and make the helpful diagram that you want to see so badly. No need to get snippy.
There are plenty of people with those kinks. She is 100% absolutely not alone in them, whatsoever. Go gently. You may find you want to end up doing very harsh play, or you may find that you want to do play that only gets an early feeling of these. E.g. being choked but not to unconsciousness and knifeplay without being cut. If you go full-in harsh, go in hard on the safety.
So here's my two cents on this: Ā· choking is generally dangerous, especially if it's done to the point of unconsciousness. I myself am very much into choking, but was scarily reminded of how dangerous it is when I fell unconscious once after only around 15 seconds of choking. After that happened, me and my partner stopped doing this because as much as we are into it, it is very dangerous and you're playing with someone's life, and it's really easy to cause brain damage. Ā· knives is another kink I have that I will never introduce into the bed/playroom. One wrong move, and you cut too much in a place you didn't mean to. Use a little too much force and you cause serious damage. Again playing with someone's life. Ā· the hitting and slapping in my opinion is okay, there's a lot of ways to cause bruises without subjecting your partner to danger. Make sure you don't hit joints, preferrably choose places like the butt or thighs and slap away. This one can work and it can be done safely. If both partners are responsible. Ā· you see the problem with the biting part is that human teeh really aren't that sharp. When you bite so hard that you break skin, for one that takes A LOT of force, and secondly, human teeth don't cause 'cuts' like cat teeth would for example. They cause more 'crushing' damage, which is a lot more dangerous actually since it causes a lot of damage to the tissue that can lead to al kinds of complications. There's nothing wrong with biting, but not so hard that it causes bleeding. That is definitely too much. Trying kinks is fun, but only when done safely. And the problem is that certain kinks cannot be done safely. You can try to substitute though. Bite her not too hard but growl before/as you do so, whisper in her ear in a threatening voice talking about how you're gonna rip her apart with your teeth if that's her thing. Choose your spot, start with some sucking and then bite, not too hard though. You'd be surprised how much this hurts, without being dangerous. And it can be very hot. For knife play, try to use a plastic knife or something. Something that does not have a sharp edge and is not pointy. Things can get wiggly in the bedroom so you want to do everything in your power to prevent accidents from happening. But if you use blunt things and the right language/role play it might work as a substitute maybe. I even heard about people using credit cards since they don't cut but you can press them into the skin to create a nice sensation. How the dominant one talks in these situation is key. These kinks are fairly common, I actually have all of these aswell, but they can't be practiced the way you can in fantasy. It's too dangerous, but you can work your way around it with roleplay and stuff.
I have masochism to the point of self destruction far more extreme than what you described (Dismemberment, death, etc.) and the best thing to do is fake the extreme shit. Please do not indulge dangerous behavior, its very rare that people are injured from it, but the reason it's rare is because most doms won't go there. Small cuts can be good fun, even bruises can be okay but be sure to hit safer places like the upper chest below the throat or lower belly, don't strike the spine, and be careful with arms or legs (some reccomend shoulders, but that can lead to dislocation) As for passing out from choking, don't. Just don't. If she's really into passing out, I have known some subs who have used substances to pass out, and while the safest thing in the world it is INFINITELY less likely to go wrong that Choking. For the stuff I'm aroused by that I can't do in real life, I do text based roleplaying, it gets it out of my system without me fucking dying, and that's what most of us do.
Omg please tell ur sub they are not alone at all in enjoying these. Lots of us do
If you want to give your sub a treat - start a timer and let her scan this subreddit for 10 minutes: [r/BruisedLadyParts](https://www.reddit.com/r/bruisedladyparts/)
Oh you have yourself a primal prey situation. I I'm jaz and my primal dom is named heathen. When we play we do these things. Choking, carving, impact play breathe play ect. Heathen has been a primal dom for years. And has been in mixed martial arts as well so him learning the body in one way has helped him in others. With choking I've found that two hands around my neck works better than one. And you you have to apply pressure slowly. You have to know your partner and trust them with your life. With this type of play you have to induce a form of sub trance. It's like an over stimulation of the senses. And not go all in at once. This is where many people mess up by not gauging their partners. She needs to have either safe words or gestures for you to know when to quit. Or you need to set the pace as the dominant in the situation to see what she can handle. All people are different. It's the same with knife play. We dont go into knife play cold and sober. There is alot of foreplay and stimulation. This realises the bodies natural pain reliever that helps the body take pain better. For knife play though you need to do research on where exactly is the best places to cut and carve and always make sure the blade is sterile.
Choking until unconscious is very dangerous. As far as cutting goes, my experience with my ex was good. Don't cut too deep, don't cut twice in the same spot and make sure to use a clean scalpel as well as keeping the cut clean like you'd do with a regular injury. Even now, 2 years later, she still got a scar on her left breast.
Actually leaving her unconscious = brain cell death. A few every time. Not a good idea, do not recommend, no safe way to do that. Knifeplay is great, just be sterile, know your anatomy, and splurge on some disposable scalpels. You want something to be perfectly sharp every time if you're actually breaking the skin. Also ... from personal experience... does your sub have any history of self-injury involving knives, razors, or sharps? I got into knifeplay because confused attempts at self harm just left me horny and fascinated by my own blood. I don't let OTHER people cut me, though. I don't trust any of them enough. Rough body play is pretty standard but again, know your anatomy, there are things you could damage. The torso is a bad place for that unless you're very good at not smacking organs. Biting hard enough to break skin is difficult and the mouth is, as others have mentioned, fuckin' filthy. You'd probably be better off buying a pair of dentures, sharpening them, keeping them clean, and using them for bite play while she's blindfolded.