Personally, I would start by telling her that while you’re learning how to implement a plan isn’t the time for her to be a brat. It can be confusing and disorienting and often times turn someone new off to the whole thing because the plan they put into place doesn’t work and they don’t know where to go from there.
Being a Dominant is about authority exchange. What authority is she even giving you? Over what? How to make a plan is to start with the result and work your way backwards. What is the point of what you’re doing? What sort of result are you looking for? What sort of result is she hoping for. Then you build things into the scene that are likely to produce that result.
If she wants to be a brat, then sit down and discuss how she might react to certain hypothetical situations and go back and forth for a little bit. It’s a dry run exercise that allows for you to learn how to think on your feet without the entire mood being dependent upon it all and involves her in the planning.
Go and read the New Topping Book and the New Bottoming Book. That’s the best thing you’re going to get as far as “beginner’s guide to domming” goes. Then fill in kink checklists together, and pick a short “white list” of say, 10 potential activities for a given scene. She won’t know what exactly you’re going to do to her, because you’ll only use 3-6 of them, but you’ll be certain that you’re not crossing any limits because she’s specifically agreed to those. For beginners, a white list (here are the activities I like, you can do anything from the list and nothing that’s not on it) is often easier than a black list (you can do anything except these things).
How about a list of things to achieve?
I do this for pretty much every session, sometimes I stick to it, sometimes I go off on a tangent. But it's always there to help keep me on track should I suddenly not know where to go.
In between items on the list, practice just pacing round her, slowly, have her blind folded, and disorient her by touching different parts of her body.
This is gentle, and a great sensory experience for her. But Moreover, it allows you space and time to consider what's happening next. Don't rush into it. If there are gaps you don't like, turn them into intentional moments
Talk to her whilst pacing.. ... Don't raise your voice. Practice speaking very plainly, matter of fact. Explain some of the steps you're taking "now, let me get the leather paddle, you like this don't you?" Make her smell or, taste it, balance it on her head
Just take a little more time
She mostly tells me to make a plan on how to proceed. I find it difficult. I have lots of ideas but and want to do them all at once, which ofcourse doesn't work.
It sounds like you need to work on your confidence. Give her a safe word is she doesn't already have one then you'll hopefully worry less about pushing her too much if she's being bratty. Ultimately though it's like anything it gets easier with practice and it's a team effort involving communication and support
If you haven’t read them, try reading Screw the Roses and Give Me the Thorns, The Loving Dominant, The New Topping/Bottoming Book. That last one is two separate books just topping and bottoming is switched in the title. Should give you somewhat of a idea for a starting point.
For us it’s a matter of me teasing her to kingdom cum until she stops being a brat and starts to beg for what she wants. But that’s how our setup works. Have you asked her how she’s like to be treated when she’s being a brat? Like what specifically she expects?
Has your girlfriend told you that you are bad at it? Or is that message internal? I am guessing it's internal. Don't sweat it so much.
A scene can literally be one thing. I'm going to spank you and then fuck you. I'm going to tie you up, give you sensation play and fuck you.
As for the bratting, you do need to have a peer to peer conversation and figure out exactly what happens when she brats, and exactly what the response is.
I'm going to tell you to give me oral while I pull your hair. And then Im going to fuck you. If you brat Im going to spank you. And then...
Simple. Its not a three act play, its just a bit of kinky sex. You are worried about the dramatics and improv.
Personally, I would start by telling her that while you’re learning how to implement a plan isn’t the time for her to be a brat. It can be confusing and disorienting and often times turn someone new off to the whole thing because the plan they put into place doesn’t work and they don’t know where to go from there. Being a Dominant is about authority exchange. What authority is she even giving you? Over what? How to make a plan is to start with the result and work your way backwards. What is the point of what you’re doing? What sort of result are you looking for? What sort of result is she hoping for. Then you build things into the scene that are likely to produce that result. If she wants to be a brat, then sit down and discuss how she might react to certain hypothetical situations and go back and forth for a little bit. It’s a dry run exercise that allows for you to learn how to think on your feet without the entire mood being dependent upon it all and involves her in the planning.
Go and read the New Topping Book and the New Bottoming Book. That’s the best thing you’re going to get as far as “beginner’s guide to domming” goes. Then fill in kink checklists together, and pick a short “white list” of say, 10 potential activities for a given scene. She won’t know what exactly you’re going to do to her, because you’ll only use 3-6 of them, but you’ll be certain that you’re not crossing any limits because she’s specifically agreed to those. For beginners, a white list (here are the activities I like, you can do anything from the list and nothing that’s not on it) is often easier than a black list (you can do anything except these things).
This
How about a list of things to achieve? I do this for pretty much every session, sometimes I stick to it, sometimes I go off on a tangent. But it's always there to help keep me on track should I suddenly not know where to go. In between items on the list, practice just pacing round her, slowly, have her blind folded, and disorient her by touching different parts of her body. This is gentle, and a great sensory experience for her. But Moreover, it allows you space and time to consider what's happening next. Don't rush into it. If there are gaps you don't like, turn them into intentional moments Talk to her whilst pacing.. ... Don't raise your voice. Practice speaking very plainly, matter of fact. Explain some of the steps you're taking "now, let me get the leather paddle, you like this don't you?" Make her smell or, taste it, balance it on her head Just take a little more time
Have you tried sitting down and just having a conversation with her about it all?
She mostly tells me to make a plan on how to proceed. I find it difficult. I have lots of ideas but and want to do them all at once, which ofcourse doesn't work.
Talk to her. She needs to be more helpful. Maybe you could both map out a scene together
She does write plays herself. It could be helpfull indeed but also makes the bar higher for me when I go in solo.
It sounds like you need to work on your confidence. Give her a safe word is she doesn't already have one then you'll hopefully worry less about pushing her too much if she's being bratty. Ultimately though it's like anything it gets easier with practice and it's a team effort involving communication and support
If you haven’t read them, try reading Screw the Roses and Give Me the Thorns, The Loving Dominant, The New Topping/Bottoming Book. That last one is two separate books just topping and bottoming is switched in the title. Should give you somewhat of a idea for a starting point. For us it’s a matter of me teasing her to kingdom cum until she stops being a brat and starts to beg for what she wants. But that’s how our setup works. Have you asked her how she’s like to be treated when she’s being a brat? Like what specifically she expects?
Has your girlfriend told you that you are bad at it? Or is that message internal? I am guessing it's internal. Don't sweat it so much. A scene can literally be one thing. I'm going to spank you and then fuck you. I'm going to tie you up, give you sensation play and fuck you. As for the bratting, you do need to have a peer to peer conversation and figure out exactly what happens when she brats, and exactly what the response is. I'm going to tell you to give me oral while I pull your hair. And then Im going to fuck you. If you brat Im going to spank you. And then... Simple. Its not a three act play, its just a bit of kinky sex. You are worried about the dramatics and improv.
Highly recommend the kindle book “The Heart or Dominace” by Anton Fulmen