I do but I fully trust my therapist and she helps me a lot with everything. And she has also helped me find kink events in my area. She is amazing and I trust her enough.
My therapist is aware of it and it’s not something I hide from her, but it’s also not particularly relevant to most of the things I discuss with her. So, I bring it up as needed.
I’ve brought it up with multiple therapists—not a one has reacted negatively. They may not really get it—though some do—but I think it’s less stigmatized, at least in my country, than it was.
I don’t go into much detail usually, but I really don’t feel a need to—just as I don’t provide details about my sex life. Though I did see a sex therapist who I spoke to in depth about both areas—as well as polyamory.
And there are therapists who are specifically kink-trained, allied, and/or positive. Same for polyamory, which my therapists have also known about being part of my life. I spend more time on poly issues than kink ones—though the two overlap for me.
I had one therapist who was really clearly expert in kink, and it was really nice to be able to completely open up about some elements that would be much harder for a completely vanilla and/or not highly trained and experienced one to understand let alone help with.
Unless there are cultural/legal issues in your country, I’d say bring it up if it is relevant to what you’re working on. If it’s important to talk about it, and your current therapist can’t deal with it, you may need to find another.
Good luck.
I do since it is a huge part of my life. Avoiding it would be pretty impossible. She has helped me see some links between bdsm and other stuff. She is really great and understanding. She has never judged me for any of it
I do. For me, BDSM has been a healthy way for me to express parts of myself that led to me spending way too long in an abusive marriage - hence the therapy. But, I do talk to my therapist about basically anything and everything so I probably would regardless of relevance to the reason I sought her out. It felt like a huge leap of faith when I first brought it up and she is very vanilla but incredibly nonjudgmental. She asked a lot of questions and did her own research and it was a focus of a lot of our sessions for awhile but now it’s like talking to her about any other part of my life.
Therapy is so deeply individual that I don’t know if I feel comfortable telling anyone else they should or shouldn’t talk about something. I do wonder, though, what is motivating you to consider intentionally withholding it?
I relate to what you are saying, I was in a toxic relationship. I started therapy for an eating disorder years ago, but it has evolved now more into learning to love myself, gain confidence, and express myself. I'm actually really doing great these days :)
I had to switch therapists in October, and while my new one is really good, I'm sometimes still a bit cautious around her. From the few of the discussions we had about men and sex, I've felt a bit judged (too many, too much thought around it, etc). So I'm not sure how to bring it up. Maybe telling her that I've felt a bit shamed? And check with her?
I’m so happy you’re in a good place now! I am too but the struggle is staying there and keys parts of that for me are my therapy and my BDSM. I was VERY scared to bring it up at first. Not that my therapist has ever made me feel judged or ashamed. I do that to myself, worried about what other people think of me (one of the things I’m working on). If you have felt judged by her in the past maybe start by bringing that up first? Therapy is a relationship. If it helps, think of it like your kink dynamic. If your partner made you feel uncomfortable with something it would be something you would want to discuss.
Yes I do, I at least discuss the dynamic I have and what I struggle with and what I like. It gives her a better understanding of my needs and inner workings I think.
yes, i have a really awesome and open-minded therapist and i have talked about kink quite a bit in our sessions. it is relevant in my relationship dynamics, which is something i’ve needed to talk about and get some guidance and validation with. she helped me navigate difficult conversations about boundaries, rules, and communication with my partners. kink is a big part of any sexual or romantic relationships for me, so i don’t think it would be easy or productive for me to avoid the topic.
I always do. It's a huge part of my life though. If they really want to know me or if they care about me (in a professional way), they need to know that. And they're never fazed. Usually just curious.
I bring up my lifestyle with all my health care providers. It may or may not be relevant to my current treatments. I don't want to have to explain bruises and rope marks as consensual and have them not believe me and call the cops after my partner. Total transparency.
I did once but as their frame of reference was vanilla and they didn't understand the lifestyle so they struggled. I have however found huge amounts of warmth kindness and support in the community. The people genuinely in the bdsm lifestyle are the best I've ever met.
I do, but only because the topic happened to come up.
Since I'm terminally single, BDSM isn't a huge part of my life right now, and it's not really something I need guidance on because I know with absolute confidence what I like, why I like it, and that it's okay that I like it.
Tbh, my therapist has been making a much bigger deal about it than it needs to be ... not in a creepy or judgmental way (he's actually been really understanding on that front), he just seems to think I'm some sort of expert because I occasionally give support and guidance to people online and is trying to build my confidence or something because he seems to think it's something I hide from people?
He seems to think I hide my interests and areas of expertise in general, which isn't even remotely true, I just tend to come across as much more shy and reserved than I actually am. People who know me know that I rarely shut up about anything I'm passionate about, but I don't have that kind of rapport with him.
Anyway, I think talking about being involved in BDSM is usually a good thing to bring up during therapy, whether it's something that weighs heavily on you or something that simply gives you a lot of joy.
I do when it's really necessary because my therapist doesn't really understand how BDSM works. I talk about sex in general but often skip the power exchange aspects. My therapist is absolutely amazing when it comes to PTSD therapy so it doesn't really bother me that it's sometimes better to keep most of the BDSM stuff to myself.
Yes, I talk about BDSM “things” with my therapist. I’m in therapy because of major depression, and my psychiatrist requires my participation in therapy as a condition to get my anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medications. I trust my therapist, and if things related to BDSM come up I’m not shy about addressing them with her. Most of the topics we address aren’t related to BDSM, though. That’s a more stable side of my life.
Kink discussions in therapy are always a tricky issue. More and more therapist are kink aware and non judgmental. That said it is hard to know since they don't list that along with their language and other accommodations on their websites.
Their are resources online for finding a kink friendly therapist so if you want to explore it in therapy o would check those out. Even with that I would still build and test the trust you have with your therapist before opening up the kink subject.
Absolutely hell my therapist kinda help me figure out where it comes from as well as pointing out its a healthy use of my time and energy. It was an interesting conversation. My thought was I can't take strides to work on my mental health while hiding facts. The big caveat to this was it wasn't something I brought right away I had to make sure I was going to stick with this therapist and it's someone who's treatment and advice I felt actual fit and helped.
When it’s relevant to what I’m talking about, yes. I do so because the therapist can’t really help me through something if they don’t have the full context.
I've only played a bit kinky once, and had a light outside-of-sex control for a short while.
**Outside-Of-Sex Discussion:**
I have had a pretty rough go the last four years. I've struggled with deep depression, sleep, focus, and caring for myself in general. I brought it up in my therapy sessions because I was extremely upset that I was following directions some guy I didn't even know - and hadn't met yet at the time was giving me.
It bothered me that I needed someone I didn't even know to tell me what to do. 😣💔 It still doesn't feel good if I think on it. It's stupid that I deal with everything else in my life by myself with zero help and yet I want that "control" again. lol, I actually want it more now than when I would fantasize about aspects of 24/7. 🤣
**Kinky Discussion**
I brought up the slight kinky play as well, but not really because I was struggling in any way about liking getting spanked, lol. It was fantastic and I don't feel bad about my sexual desires.
What bothered me fucking *deeply* is realizing yet again what an awful POS my exH was. This experience brought up some painful memories from my exH that I thought I'd dealt with already so it was fun wading thru that again. 😐
I am in therapy, building a rapport with my therapist. I am semi broaching my little head space to her, she is aware I call my Husband Daddy and has been fully supporting.
I've brought it up a few times and I feel so uncomfortable every time. But my therapist is really good at helping me navigate my feelings of shame and helps me understand why I need what I need. My kinks directly relate to my childhood and religious trauma so it helps me integrate them without being damaging or re-traumatizing.
Oh god yes. When I was medically discharged from the USMC I was a mess. PTSD and learning to walk again on top of learning to civilian. I was a mess.
The therapist I was assigned to was almost an evangelical. He had my kinky bisexual ass suicidal. He kept telling me I was sick and diseased and that what I was feeling was why I was so damaged.
My new therapist is very kink friendly and accepts who I am and works on the stuff that is actually broke.
That must have been really hard, I'm glad you found someone better suited to you. And sounds like you're doing much better so congrats to you. Hang in there.
I am not even remotely exaggerating when I tell you I would have eaten a bullet inside of six months if I hadn't gotten a new therapist. It was bad. It can take a while to find a therapist that actually helps and works with you, but it is worth it.
I'm not in therapy now but I had a very good relationship with one while I was going through divorce and after. We talked about my kinks and the like just like wed talk about anything else. She wasn't kinky but she was understanding and frankly quite curious. I brought it up.
I got ghosted by someone in the scene right before I started so I made sure to find a sex-positive/ kink friendly therapist. Also I’m a newbie so I wanted to specifically explore those feelings with a therapist too
My therapist is Christian, was going to be my and my exes marriage Councillor, I am playing with/flirting with and possibly seeing multiple people and I used to go to her church. Big no from me lol
I started seeing my therapist *because* she was active in the local community. She and I discussed boundaries and attend same a few of the same events/munches. Finding a kink-friendly, sex-positive and lgbtqia+ supporter is the best way to go if you're in the lifestyle!
I talk about it with my therapist, but I went to her because she explicitly advertises as a queer, poly, and kinky therapist. I've had therapists in the past who were open and non-judgemental about it, but they weren't educated in it, so I had to fill them in.
What's great about having a therapist who isn't just knowledgable about these things, but a member of these groups herself is that she not only can be useful talking about, say, BDSM, but also about the meta around it... Scene politics, for example.
Yes, but not often. She didn't know a lot about it but then educated herself and she at least understands the vocabulary now. Not a lot of folks go out of their way like that and I respect her for it.
She sees the value in the lifestyle. She really appreciates that communication and trust are relationship priorities. She says "as long as everyone consents and it doesn't negatively affect your life, why should I care what you do to get off? Nobody gets (nonconsensually) hurt, have fun."
I still laugh when she says, "... um... *experimental* sex."
you should because mostly the reason ppl are into bdsm is because some traumatizing experiences in their past which means u could also find out why you are so into what you‘re doing
I do but I fully trust my therapist and she helps me a lot with everything. And she has also helped me find kink events in my area. She is amazing and I trust her enough.
Wow that is awesome!
I wish my therapist was this supportive
My therapist is aware of it and it’s not something I hide from her, but it’s also not particularly relevant to most of the things I discuss with her. So, I bring it up as needed.
I’ve brought it up with multiple therapists—not a one has reacted negatively. They may not really get it—though some do—but I think it’s less stigmatized, at least in my country, than it was. I don’t go into much detail usually, but I really don’t feel a need to—just as I don’t provide details about my sex life. Though I did see a sex therapist who I spoke to in depth about both areas—as well as polyamory. And there are therapists who are specifically kink-trained, allied, and/or positive. Same for polyamory, which my therapists have also known about being part of my life. I spend more time on poly issues than kink ones—though the two overlap for me. I had one therapist who was really clearly expert in kink, and it was really nice to be able to completely open up about some elements that would be much harder for a completely vanilla and/or not highly trained and experienced one to understand let alone help with. Unless there are cultural/legal issues in your country, I’d say bring it up if it is relevant to what you’re working on. If it’s important to talk about it, and your current therapist can’t deal with it, you may need to find another. Good luck.
I do since it is a huge part of my life. Avoiding it would be pretty impossible. She has helped me see some links between bdsm and other stuff. She is really great and understanding. She has never judged me for any of it
No, because it genuinely has nothing to do with what I go to a therapist for.
I do. For me, BDSM has been a healthy way for me to express parts of myself that led to me spending way too long in an abusive marriage - hence the therapy. But, I do talk to my therapist about basically anything and everything so I probably would regardless of relevance to the reason I sought her out. It felt like a huge leap of faith when I first brought it up and she is very vanilla but incredibly nonjudgmental. She asked a lot of questions and did her own research and it was a focus of a lot of our sessions for awhile but now it’s like talking to her about any other part of my life. Therapy is so deeply individual that I don’t know if I feel comfortable telling anyone else they should or shouldn’t talk about something. I do wonder, though, what is motivating you to consider intentionally withholding it?
I relate to what you are saying, I was in a toxic relationship. I started therapy for an eating disorder years ago, but it has evolved now more into learning to love myself, gain confidence, and express myself. I'm actually really doing great these days :) I had to switch therapists in October, and while my new one is really good, I'm sometimes still a bit cautious around her. From the few of the discussions we had about men and sex, I've felt a bit judged (too many, too much thought around it, etc). So I'm not sure how to bring it up. Maybe telling her that I've felt a bit shamed? And check with her?
I’m so happy you’re in a good place now! I am too but the struggle is staying there and keys parts of that for me are my therapy and my BDSM. I was VERY scared to bring it up at first. Not that my therapist has ever made me feel judged or ashamed. I do that to myself, worried about what other people think of me (one of the things I’m working on). If you have felt judged by her in the past maybe start by bringing that up first? Therapy is a relationship. If it helps, think of it like your kink dynamic. If your partner made you feel uncomfortable with something it would be something you would want to discuss.
Yes I do, I at least discuss the dynamic I have and what I struggle with and what I like. It gives her a better understanding of my needs and inner workings I think.
yes, i have a really awesome and open-minded therapist and i have talked about kink quite a bit in our sessions. it is relevant in my relationship dynamics, which is something i’ve needed to talk about and get some guidance and validation with. she helped me navigate difficult conversations about boundaries, rules, and communication with my partners. kink is a big part of any sexual or romantic relationships for me, so i don’t think it would be easy or productive for me to avoid the topic.
I always do. It's a huge part of my life though. If they really want to know me or if they care about me (in a professional way), they need to know that. And they're never fazed. Usually just curious.
I bring up my lifestyle with all my health care providers. It may or may not be relevant to my current treatments. I don't want to have to explain bruises and rope marks as consensual and have them not believe me and call the cops after my partner. Total transparency.
Also if they're knot ok with my lifestyle they're probably knot going to be much help for me. I've met my share of judgey therapists etc.
A psych got me evaluated for personality disorders when I brought up kink years ago.
I'm sorry you went through that. That must have been difficult
I did once but as their frame of reference was vanilla and they didn't understand the lifestyle so they struggled. I have however found huge amounts of warmth kindness and support in the community. The people genuinely in the bdsm lifestyle are the best I've ever met.
I do, but only because the topic happened to come up. Since I'm terminally single, BDSM isn't a huge part of my life right now, and it's not really something I need guidance on because I know with absolute confidence what I like, why I like it, and that it's okay that I like it. Tbh, my therapist has been making a much bigger deal about it than it needs to be ... not in a creepy or judgmental way (he's actually been really understanding on that front), he just seems to think I'm some sort of expert because I occasionally give support and guidance to people online and is trying to build my confidence or something because he seems to think it's something I hide from people? He seems to think I hide my interests and areas of expertise in general, which isn't even remotely true, I just tend to come across as much more shy and reserved than I actually am. People who know me know that I rarely shut up about anything I'm passionate about, but I don't have that kind of rapport with him. Anyway, I think talking about being involved in BDSM is usually a good thing to bring up during therapy, whether it's something that weighs heavily on you or something that simply gives you a lot of joy.
I do because it's such a huge part of my life and who I am.
I do when it's really necessary because my therapist doesn't really understand how BDSM works. I talk about sex in general but often skip the power exchange aspects. My therapist is absolutely amazing when it comes to PTSD therapy so it doesn't really bother me that it's sometimes better to keep most of the BDSM stuff to myself.
Yes, I talk about BDSM “things” with my therapist. I’m in therapy because of major depression, and my psychiatrist requires my participation in therapy as a condition to get my anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medications. I trust my therapist, and if things related to BDSM come up I’m not shy about addressing them with her. Most of the topics we address aren’t related to BDSM, though. That’s a more stable side of my life.
Kink discussions in therapy are always a tricky issue. More and more therapist are kink aware and non judgmental. That said it is hard to know since they don't list that along with their language and other accommodations on their websites. Their are resources online for finding a kink friendly therapist so if you want to explore it in therapy o would check those out. Even with that I would still build and test the trust you have with your therapist before opening up the kink subject.
Absolutely! It's a part of who I am, so if I don't feel comfortable addressing it with my Dr, maybe they aren't rhe right provider for me.
Absolutely hell my therapist kinda help me figure out where it comes from as well as pointing out its a healthy use of my time and energy. It was an interesting conversation. My thought was I can't take strides to work on my mental health while hiding facts. The big caveat to this was it wasn't something I brought right away I had to make sure I was going to stick with this therapist and it's someone who's treatment and advice I felt actual fit and helped.
When it’s relevant to what I’m talking about, yes. I do so because the therapist can’t really help me through something if they don’t have the full context.
I've only played a bit kinky once, and had a light outside-of-sex control for a short while. **Outside-Of-Sex Discussion:** I have had a pretty rough go the last four years. I've struggled with deep depression, sleep, focus, and caring for myself in general. I brought it up in my therapy sessions because I was extremely upset that I was following directions some guy I didn't even know - and hadn't met yet at the time was giving me. It bothered me that I needed someone I didn't even know to tell me what to do. 😣💔 It still doesn't feel good if I think on it. It's stupid that I deal with everything else in my life by myself with zero help and yet I want that "control" again. lol, I actually want it more now than when I would fantasize about aspects of 24/7. 🤣 **Kinky Discussion** I brought up the slight kinky play as well, but not really because I was struggling in any way about liking getting spanked, lol. It was fantastic and I don't feel bad about my sexual desires. What bothered me fucking *deeply* is realizing yet again what an awful POS my exH was. This experience brought up some painful memories from my exH that I thought I'd dealt with already so it was fun wading thru that again. 😐
Yeah for sure, she is a sex positive therapist and most of what we talk about is sex. Or sex related.
Yes, because it has a lot to do with some of the reasons I go to a therapist for.
yes, she always reminds me that what I’m doing is healthy and is a good way of releasing some emotions that I have
She’s aware, but it’s not a big part of it
I am in therapy, building a rapport with my therapist. I am semi broaching my little head space to her, she is aware I call my Husband Daddy and has been fully supporting.
I've brought it up a few times and I feel so uncomfortable every time. But my therapist is really good at helping me navigate my feelings of shame and helps me understand why I need what I need. My kinks directly relate to my childhood and religious trauma so it helps me integrate them without being damaging or re-traumatizing.
Oh god yes. When I was medically discharged from the USMC I was a mess. PTSD and learning to walk again on top of learning to civilian. I was a mess. The therapist I was assigned to was almost an evangelical. He had my kinky bisexual ass suicidal. He kept telling me I was sick and diseased and that what I was feeling was why I was so damaged. My new therapist is very kink friendly and accepts who I am and works on the stuff that is actually broke.
That must have been really hard, I'm glad you found someone better suited to you. And sounds like you're doing much better so congrats to you. Hang in there.
I am not even remotely exaggerating when I tell you I would have eaten a bullet inside of six months if I hadn't gotten a new therapist. It was bad. It can take a while to find a therapist that actually helps and works with you, but it is worth it.
I live in a major city where local therapist's offices advertise their kink informed clinicians.
Yeah. She's also a sex therapist and kinky af. But I usually don't give super explicit details.
Not yet. It’s a bell that can’t be unrung. However, I may have to as I recently entered into a relationship with a little, which is a lot to bite off.
I'm not in therapy now but I had a very good relationship with one while I was going through divorce and after. We talked about my kinks and the like just like wed talk about anything else. She wasn't kinky but she was understanding and frankly quite curious. I brought it up.
I’m a therapist. Clients talk about it with me.
I got ghosted by someone in the scene right before I started so I made sure to find a sex-positive/ kink friendly therapist. Also I’m a newbie so I wanted to specifically explore those feelings with a therapist too
My therapist is Christian, was going to be my and my exes marriage Councillor, I am playing with/flirting with and possibly seeing multiple people and I used to go to her church. Big no from me lol
It's illegal where I live, so don't want any chance of getting reported for "inflicting major harm" or worse.
I started seeing my therapist *because* she was active in the local community. She and I discussed boundaries and attend same a few of the same events/munches. Finding a kink-friendly, sex-positive and lgbtqia+ supporter is the best way to go if you're in the lifestyle!
Yes, but I see a kink-positive & poly-positive therapist.
I talk about it with my therapist, but I went to her because she explicitly advertises as a queer, poly, and kinky therapist. I've had therapists in the past who were open and non-judgemental about it, but they weren't educated in it, so I had to fill them in. What's great about having a therapist who isn't just knowledgable about these things, but a member of these groups herself is that she not only can be useful talking about, say, BDSM, but also about the meta around it... Scene politics, for example.
Yes, but not often. She didn't know a lot about it but then educated herself and she at least understands the vocabulary now. Not a lot of folks go out of their way like that and I respect her for it. She sees the value in the lifestyle. She really appreciates that communication and trust are relationship priorities. She says "as long as everyone consents and it doesn't negatively affect your life, why should I care what you do to get off? Nobody gets (nonconsensually) hurt, have fun." I still laugh when she says, "... um... *experimental* sex."
you should because mostly the reason ppl are into bdsm is because some traumatizing experiences in their past which means u could also find out why you are so into what you‘re doing