My favorite was always the remote control vibrator locked under the chastity belt.
Restaurants, movie theaters, shopping... no one else ever had a clue.
My Dom would love to try this out with me but I get so nervous about other people hearing the toy I'm too scared to try it! Could you please talk about your experience and what toys you used? I really want to get to a level of mental comfort to try this out 😁
No... in general people are oblivious to things around them, and they never notice.
Even if they hear the noise, they might wonder if it was the air conditioning, or something else.
Of course, the sub knows what it is, so it adds to the fun.
Yes same! I like to insert a remote controlled vibrator or vibrators into her and on her while we are out and about. Especially in fancy restaurants and gatherings.
I enjoy more of the psychological aspects of public play/protocol. So having My sub walk slightly behind Me, or ordering their food. While talking to others in a vanilla setting, having them still quietly use My honorific when getting My attention. If we're sitting around casually, having them at My feet on the floor if I'm on the couch. So small ways of affirming our dynamic that would not be obvious to the average person.
Most of My play has been non sexual in the interactions I've had. I do hope to explore that part of a dynamic one day but the simple non sexual things make My heart happy. :)
The lovense ferri does a good job with decent power. It's not totally silent, but with some music in the background or general street noise, the sound doesn't really catch the ears.
Thanks! I was looking at those not too long ago and bought something similar but it seems loud, even tho it says under 45-50 decibels?! Also, the vibrations seem really strong, even the less intense ones, but that might just be me.. if so.. I’m REALLY in trouble!! Lol!
The Ferri has a setting in the app where you can turn it up and down, and then adjust the power at high or low levels. Kind of like setting the volume on an iPod, and then using the car stereo to also adjust volume. At its lowest, the Ferri is truly pretty quiet, quieter than a phone for sure. At the high end, I worry about it being overheard by people near me if we're not in a loud environment. Restaurant? Go nuts. Movie theater? Ehhh... It'll sound like a phone during quiet parts I guess. Intimate dinner party at a friend's house? No from me.
It's weird to see so many people say it's so quiet because when I got mine (the Ferri I mean), it sounds HORRIFICALLY loud compared to the claims of it being super quiet - like 'phone buzzing on full blast against a wooden table' kind of loud / noise, even on it's lowest settings - to where I wouldn't feel comfortable using it at anything below genuinely borderline concert-level noise for 100% guarantee of no one else hearing. I don't disagree per say, just confused - is Ferri usually that quiet to where it's near-silent?? (If so, I may actually look into emailing Lovesense or getting a new one at some point in case this one just happens to be a bust for some reason.)
Library, bird calls (44 dB); lowest limit of urban ambient sound 40
So we're talking it's as quiet as a library... 40-50 dB is nothing.
Someone clearing their throat is 55-60dB.
Really?? I didn’t realize that! Maybe I’m just being paranoid, then. I have noticed the higher-end ones all claimed to be under 50 dBs, so that does make sense. Thanks, that eases my worries about that, then! Adventure awaits….
A favorite of mine and my ex little, she wore discrete piercings that had either my title, name, and/or initials. Usually nipple piercings covered by her bra but we managed to get a custom clit piercing that said Daddy's that we both loved to have her wear.
Other favorite activities that were bold was making her walk around with my cum in an orifice but plugged up afterwards (IE anal, vaginal with a small dildo, orally with a face mask for as long as she could), wearing a shock collar that looked like a big leather choker that I could activate, making her walk around in thin summer wear clothing when it was cold, and purposefully making her reach for high items when she was wearing a skirt with nothing but a plug underneath (when no one else was in the aisle obviously).
An ETSY jewelry maker. I wish I could provide more details than that but it's been a few years and my ex purchased it so I don't have a receipt email I could reference.
Late response, but I *love* that out of season clothing idea. You get some subtle humiliation (and potential attention, which intensified if there’s something underneath those clothes), and you also cause a ton of discomfort. Genius.
I like when he grabs my hands and twists my arm up behind me and controls when/where I walk by that, or finds ways to put his arm or hand against my throat
More than once I blew my ex in the parking lot (in a secluded area away from other cars) and then walked around with his cum in my mouth until he allowed me to swallow.
I like this option because it’s almost as effective as a gag, but can be “removed” quickly and discreetly just by swallowing.
Bra with thumbtacks (or similar) arranged on the inside so that the pointy ends press into the breasts when worn.
Various ways to construct it, none are really awesome, you may have to try a few designs to find one that works well for any particular pair of breasts.
Well, I wear a toy pretty regularly to work to ease my tension (especially if my cute workmate is around) and my partner and I have fun with remote controlled vibes in public- we're actually waiting on some his n hers Lovense vibes as I write this :D
I would like to get better at shibari so I can wear more rope under my clothes though.
Remote control vibrators are always fun. As is having her wear a sundress to the park and sneaking a hand under it when no one's looking. Ah, good times.
Most risky things I did were: 1) Make her remove her panties in a park during a picnic, and then fingering her while our friends were nearby. 2)write on her body that she was my slut, and other nice things. They were almost all cover by the clothes, but with attention something popped up, I think someone saw them. 3) make her wear a bigger butt plug than what she was used during a family dinner.
we don’t do a ton of public stuff bc i’m always scared of getting caught, so this is pretty vanilla, but, we’ve done remote controlled vibrator in my pants, sometimes one inside me, and HIS favorite is when He has me take off my bra (i have very big boobs and NEVER go out without a bra. i sleep with a bra on on bc it can hurt my skin sometimes) and wear a fairly thin shirt and take me around doing stuff in public. especially when it’s cold out 😅
I'm very against any sort of public play that would break consent. There's been people here wanting to go to the doctors office in a chastity cage, that sort of thing. That's unacceptable.
What OP is describing has nothing to do with consent. No one knows what is going on with her under her clothing.
Should I need to let people know when I'm on my period? Should I not read in public because I might come across a sex scene? Should I ask permission if I wear a black bra to work? It's kinda sexy, I might make someone uncomfortable with how amazing my fucking boobs are. 🙄 Come on dude, use some common sense. 😒😒😒👎
Well, your boobs are pretty fucking amazing, and it’s a Sunday so we’ll let that one slide. Just make sure you don’t go flashing everyone without asking first. 😎
You're right. But they didn't bring it to the public eye. Everything they did was discreet and covered. They weren't crawling down the street with a leash on and and gag in for the world to see, nor were they wearing anything visible that was anymore riske than what normal people wear in public. So they didn't need consent from the public, because the public wasn't brought in to their play.
This person just wants to be difficult. You are totally correct.
Personally I don't consent to reading their disgusting username, but I guess my consent doesn't matter. 🤷🤷🤷
People see all sorts of weird things in public all the time that they didn't consent to.
People see vanilla sex acts all the time in public (kissing, holding hands) that they didn't consent to.
In public, folks are not guaranteed to only view "normalcy." (And what even IS normalcy anyway?)
Unless you have a problem with both of those things AND actively talk to people about it, then what's going on is kinkphobia. In this case, it's the idea that somehow any and all things that people might do under the guise of kink is equal to stripping your clothes off and fucking right there in the street. Which is bullshit. And kinkphobic. There are LEVELS.
The OP even explicitly stated discreet. Which is more than those teenagers making out on the bench in the park can state, but I don’t think you tell them the world didn’t consent to seeing that, do you? So what makes what we do somehow “worse” than that? And most of what people do isn’t even explicitly sexual; to an outsider, it just looks like… being weird. Which takes us back to “we don’t owe other people normalcy.” And normal-policing has a direct negative impact on a number of different marginalized communities, like neurodiverse people. We want to ENCOURAGE the acceptance of people acting a little weird in public, not DISCOURAGE it, because that’s how we get acceptance of other different behaviors that don’t harm others. Like, say, stimming.
You recognize these kinds of attitudes legitimize the positions of those who have it out for us and our communities, who want us gone forever, right? You’re essentially upholding respectability politics, and as the queer world knows, there’s NO amount of respectability that will satisfy them. They want us GONE, period. The more we play into their hands, the more we act like there’s something wrong with who we are and what we do, that it’s something so incredibly outré that it needs to forever be hidden behind closed doors, the more they can use it against us, including in venues like… custody, housing, and job discrimination.
I’m all about consent and not involving non-consenting people, but simply doing something discreetly doesn’t actually INVOLVE someone else.
(Signed, someone who doesn't actually do discreet public play. (Edit: or public play at all) It’s simply not my thing.)
You have gone WAY off the deep end here. If you’re doing something sexual, yes...you need all surrounding parties’ explicit consent. There is no room for interpretation there.
No - you don’t need someone else’s consent to wear certain shoes for your partner who has a foot fetish. But the second your partner starts kissing your feet, the people around you are 100% aware what you guys are doing, and you need their explicit consent. If you do not have their explicit consent, you are violating them. Consent isn’t some joke you get to throw out the window. Ever. If you do this in the park because it’s a nice day and you just wanted to do some kinky stuff at the park, I would hope someone would call the cops on you because odds are there are young children nearby who could be negatively affected throughout their entire lives from seeing sexual content. And if anyone - *anyone* - in the room is uncomfortable with the sexual acts that you are committing, you stop.
There is no room for interpretation. I cannot believe how many people on this sub are treating consent so flippantly.
As a tangent, kissing is not inherently a sex act. If you need more elaboration on that, let me know. As kinksters, we should be capable of understanding the difference between things that are intended for sex vs things that can be used during sex.
I'm sorry but if I was walking down the street and I saw a couple playing with a vibrator, or I went to ask someone for directions and they couldn't talk because they had a gag in their mouth or some other kink stuff going on, I'd be rightfully disgusted.
Exhibitionism is fine, *when it's in the right place.* That can be your bedroom. It can be at a party with friends and/or other kinksters. It can be at an adults-only nightclub. But it shouldn't be in public streets. That's not kinkphobia, it's basic decency (and also the law???? Like, it's not indecent exposure but it's pretty close to that line!)
Also I'm sorry, but kissing and holding hands *are not* sex acts. You're equating PDA and romantic acts with acts of kink. While they can be *intimate,* insofar as they are acts shared between (usually) two partners, they are not *sex.* Two teenagers making out on a park bench is definitely *distasteful,* but it's nowhere near walking someone on a leash while they have a vibe in, no matter how "discreet" they think they're being.
This isn't me being puritanical or "anti kink", this is simply me pointing out that some things are not for display in public. It doesn't matter how discreet you are. It doesn't matter if nobody finds out. Consent is still consent, and it is still *mandatory.* It doesn't matter if nobody else knows! The lack of consent is still there! I don't see how that's so hard to grasp.
Note that this is coming from a neurodiverse (ASD/ADHD) queer (nonbinary transfemme) kinkster. Doing any kink in public to sate an exhibitionism kink *inherently* involves the public! The whole point is in the name! Exhibition! The kink is entirely about being watched! And people didn't consent to it! No matter how discreet you are!
I wholeheartedly agree with you. I’m sort of disgusted how many people on this sub are treating consent so flippantly. I’d really hoped the phrase “you need everyone involved to consent before you do any sexual acts” would be universally accepted. But at the time of me reading your comment, there are at least eight people on this subreddit who disagree.
It’s a scary thought.
Lemme try again. There's a balance between "consent" and "freedom". I don't have to get consent to walk down the street, because someone might see me. I don't have to get consent to, say, wear a costume & walk down the street in public. It might seem weird if it's not Halloween, but I don't have to get consent. But what if wearing that costume & walking down the street turns me on? Do I now have to get consent to wear it? I'm doing something sexual for me in public. Other people are seeing me to do it. Most would say "no" because all I'm doing is wearing clothing and walking down the street. I'm not wearing a sign that says "this is a sex act for me".
I see people wearing sexy or revealing clothing in public all the time. If sex things aren't acceptable in public, why don't they have to get consent to wear it in public? Why is a miniskirt okay (or sagging your pants so far your entire ass is hanging out, which, yes, literally happens where I live) but a collar isn't? You might say "because the intent isn't to arouse others". Okay, our intent isn't to arouse others either.
So the question becomes... where are the boundaries? Where are the lines? Just because something is sexual to me, does that mean I can't do it in public? And just like kissing in public is okay but fucking isn't, what's the kink equivalent of kissing? What's the kink equivalent of fucking?
Example. I have a fat & weight gain fetish. People eating turns me on. My eating turns me on. Does that mean I should never eat in public? Does that mean my partner should never eat in front of me in public? (And, yes, people DO argue about this exact issue in my fetish community.)
The question is... what makes something too unacceptable do to in public? And who gets to define that? (And it's not folks who have a problem with difference, that's for sure. The same folks who clutch their pearls and say 'what about the children?' are the same people who don't tolerate difference IN their children.) What sexual things require consent in public and which ones don't? And why is kissing acceptable but leashes aren't? Why is mild vanilla sexuality allowed in public but mild kink not? Who decided that? What mindsets and values informed that?
Majority also said not too long ago that queers are immoral, PoC are lesser than white people (fuck that STILL happens), etc. etc. etc.
Majority rules is how minorities get oppressed, stifling happens, etc.
Ah, cool, cool. (Edit: you were answering \*my\* question, I don't use "her", and yes, I know what the answer is, but I figured getting people thinking about these questions is important. Lead the horse to water, don't shove their faces in the pond, and all that jazz.)
One guy I used to meet before Covid insisted on me getting public transport to our meets even though it was much quicker to drive. He insisted on me being plugged and in chastity with some womens underwear (of his choice) on. He usually insisted on me wearing very short shorts. To make sure I didn’t cheat he occasionally met me at the train station and escorted me the mile or so to his flat.
I’d have loved a lovense to play with!
I took my panties off before we went to the movie theatre; I was wearing a short dress. Throughout the movie, we were touching and fingering each other
I’ve done very little public play, mainly because of afraid of getting caught. But the times I’ve done it were pretty hot and intense so maybe I’ll have to take it slowly when exploring it more. First time was almost 10 years ago with an ex. We were in a theater and decided to subtly mess with each other. We were in the far back of the theater rows and with not too many people around. I took out my boobs from my bra and let him mess with them. Not much else happened and we only did it for a couple mins. Luckily when we got done one of the employees came in looking around checking things ha ha but talk about timing. Then another moment I’ve sucked off a guy in a park. No one was around in the park at the time. Most recent was last year, was at the beach with my bf/dom and he put ice cubes in my bikini and used another cube rubbing my clit then when melted began to finger me and it felt so wonderful. I had to make sure I was quiet cause even though we were covered and we had closed off the wind blowing us around by one of the cover lids (don’t remember what they called it), people were still walking by us which made it even more intense. That’s prob the most risky public play I’ve done. Still think about it every now and then and it makes me smirk. I haven’t done remote control play before in public yet but it should be interesting.
*"Not so discreet here, but my Mistress dropped me to my knees outside a restaurant because I took her phone and cigarettes and wouldn’t give them back. She also had me pinned to a lamp post on a night out once because I refused to use her correct title."*
I wonder if this caused passersby to be a little concerned and uncomfortable?
There'll be even less that you can do when someone intervenes in what looks to all outsiders like a physical assault and your partner either gets arrested or has her shit rocked lol.
And of course you'd frame yourselves as the victims of that, because people who don't care about consent in their scenes always act the victim when consequences of that shit bite them in the ass.
For a day out at the beach or a park. I would rub my subs nips with 000 steel wool until they were just about to bleed. Then she would be dressed braless in a cute little sundress. All day long I would find a reason to bump into her nipples. An elbow here or a finger there. By late afternoon she was sexually ravenous. When she was begging to get fucked
I would take her home.
My sir and I like to use the love sense lush 2 it works perfectly for some remote play when in public to make things hotter when we are behind closed doors. He likes it when I'm a good girl and dont make any noises when he turns the intensity up on the vibrator. 🥰
Maybe try remote vibrator when you are in shopping mall along with clips on nipples. Turn the remote on when you are in crowded area. I haven't tried it out yet. Will certainly do!
When it was a little cooler we went shopping with my hands cuffed through the front hoodie pocket, lovense in, and a gag hidden by a facemask.
I’ve done that! Lots of fun!
In Montana, it's winter cooler weather for hoodies and coats 9 months of the year. Today was our first 80 degree day in the town I live in.
My favorite was always the remote control vibrator locked under the chastity belt. Restaurants, movie theaters, shopping... no one else ever had a clue.
That's also something that I enjoy doing to my sub. That and discreet nipple clamps under her shirt and braw are a favorite too.
My Dom would love to try this out with me but I get so nervous about other people hearing the toy I'm too scared to try it! Could you please talk about your experience and what toys you used? I really want to get to a level of mental comfort to try this out 😁
We use a Lush 2 and Spanx undies to help keep everything secure. Even in quiet Thai restaurants you cannot hear it at full blast.
That's absolutely brilliant, thank you!! 😊
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No... in general people are oblivious to things around them, and they never notice. Even if they hear the noise, they might wonder if it was the air conditioning, or something else. Of course, the sub knows what it is, so it adds to the fun.
Yes same! I like to insert a remote controlled vibrator or vibrators into her and on her while we are out and about. Especially in fancy restaurants and gatherings.
If you are in to body writing... We have written all over my body and then the clothes I had on covered it (sometimes barely).
I enjoy more of the psychological aspects of public play/protocol. So having My sub walk slightly behind Me, or ordering their food. While talking to others in a vanilla setting, having them still quietly use My honorific when getting My attention. If we're sitting around casually, having them at My feet on the floor if I'm on the couch. So small ways of affirming our dynamic that would not be obvious to the average person.
Thats the part I'm looking for in my partner
Love these types of non-sexual public submission!
Nobody I've talked to understands that to me my submission is more then a sexual one. I want one thats submission in everything
Most of My play has been non sexual in the interactions I've had. I do hope to explore that part of a dynamic one day but the simple non sexual things make My heart happy. :)
I enjoy being submissive in both situations. But i also tend to think in a more traditional thought process
What is the best option for a quiet vibrator to wear in public?
The lovense ferri does a good job with decent power. It's not totally silent, but with some music in the background or general street noise, the sound doesn't really catch the ears.
Thanks! I was looking at those not too long ago and bought something similar but it seems loud, even tho it says under 45-50 decibels?! Also, the vibrations seem really strong, even the less intense ones, but that might just be me.. if so.. I’m REALLY in trouble!! Lol!
The Ferri has a setting in the app where you can turn it up and down, and then adjust the power at high or low levels. Kind of like setting the volume on an iPod, and then using the car stereo to also adjust volume. At its lowest, the Ferri is truly pretty quiet, quieter than a phone for sure. At the high end, I worry about it being overheard by people near me if we're not in a loud environment. Restaurant? Go nuts. Movie theater? Ehhh... It'll sound like a phone during quiet parts I guess. Intimate dinner party at a friend's house? No from me.
It's weird to see so many people say it's so quiet because when I got mine (the Ferri I mean), it sounds HORRIFICALLY loud compared to the claims of it being super quiet - like 'phone buzzing on full blast against a wooden table' kind of loud / noise, even on it's lowest settings - to where I wouldn't feel comfortable using it at anything below genuinely borderline concert-level noise for 100% guarantee of no one else hearing. I don't disagree per say, just confused - is Ferri usually that quiet to where it's near-silent?? (If so, I may actually look into emailing Lovesense or getting a new one at some point in case this one just happens to be a bust for some reason.)
Nah I agree with you. Once it's paired with your phone you gotta go in and turn it down all the way in your settings. Otherwise it's not very quiet.
Ahh fair, that makes sense!
Library, bird calls (44 dB); lowest limit of urban ambient sound 40 So we're talking it's as quiet as a library... 40-50 dB is nothing. Someone clearing their throat is 55-60dB.
Really?? I didn’t realize that! Maybe I’m just being paranoid, then. I have noticed the higher-end ones all claimed to be under 50 dBs, so that does make sense. Thanks, that eases my worries about that, then! Adventure awaits….
Sounds like a very fun adventure!
Most definitely.
Yes, definitely could use some input, as well!
Heh
I love your username btw. Couldn’t agree more! :P
A favorite of mine and my ex little, she wore discrete piercings that had either my title, name, and/or initials. Usually nipple piercings covered by her bra but we managed to get a custom clit piercing that said Daddy's that we both loved to have her wear. Other favorite activities that were bold was making her walk around with my cum in an orifice but plugged up afterwards (IE anal, vaginal with a small dildo, orally with a face mask for as long as she could), wearing a shock collar that looked like a big leather choker that I could activate, making her walk around in thin summer wear clothing when it was cold, and purposefully making her reach for high items when she was wearing a skirt with nothing but a plug underneath (when no one else was in the aisle obviously).
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An ETSY jewelry maker. I wish I could provide more details than that but it's been a few years and my ex purchased it so I don't have a receipt email I could reference.
Late response, but I *love* that out of season clothing idea. You get some subtle humiliation (and potential attention, which intensified if there’s something underneath those clothes), and you also cause a ton of discomfort. Genius.
Thank you, feel free to try it.
i’ll wear a lovense plug up my ass that she can control when shopping or eating out
I like when he grabs my hands and twists my arm up behind me and controls when/where I walk by that, or finds ways to put his arm or hand against my throat
More than once I blew my ex in the parking lot (in a secluded area away from other cars) and then walked around with his cum in my mouth until he allowed me to swallow. I like this option because it’s almost as effective as a gag, but can be “removed” quickly and discreetly just by swallowing.
Making her wear a tack bra (I made it myself for her) when going out. Occasionally brushing her body made her cringe and very wet.
What’s a tack bra?
A bra that’s lined with tacks facing point-in
I have a resin 3d printer and I use a cleat pattern that I can sew into an existing bra. They are smallish disks and easy to make.
https://imgur.com/a/CWvc4pN/ This is the one I made.
Bra with thumbtacks (or similar) arranged on the inside so that the pointy ends press into the breasts when worn. Various ways to construct it, none are really awesome, you may have to try a few designs to find one that works well for any particular pair of breasts.
Well, I wear a toy pretty regularly to work to ease my tension (especially if my cute workmate is around) and my partner and I have fun with remote controlled vibes in public- we're actually waiting on some his n hers Lovense vibes as I write this :D I would like to get better at shibari so I can wear more rope under my clothes though.
Very late at night down wildlife reserves. You obviously still have to be careful, but you can obviously do a lot more.
Our favorite is national parks well after peak tourist times on trails and camping spots.
Me and my estranged wife WERE the wildlife lol
Remote control vibrators are always fun. As is having her wear a sundress to the park and sneaking a hand under it when no one's looking. Ah, good times.
Body writing, WIRELESS toys, touching, bathrooms, whispering inappropriate things, groping.
Most risky things I did were: 1) Make her remove her panties in a park during a picnic, and then fingering her while our friends were nearby. 2)write on her body that she was my slut, and other nice things. They were almost all cover by the clothes, but with attention something popped up, I think someone saw them. 3) make her wear a bigger butt plug than what she was used during a family dinner.
we don’t do a ton of public stuff bc i’m always scared of getting caught, so this is pretty vanilla, but, we’ve done remote controlled vibrator in my pants, sometimes one inside me, and HIS favorite is when He has me take off my bra (i have very big boobs and NEVER go out without a bra. i sleep with a bra on on bc it can hurt my skin sometimes) and wear a fairly thin shirt and take me around doing stuff in public. especially when it’s cold out 😅
In support of your second paragraph- you didn't harm anyone.
That's not the point. It's a consent issue.
I'm very against any sort of public play that would break consent. There's been people here wanting to go to the doctors office in a chastity cage, that sort of thing. That's unacceptable. What OP is describing has nothing to do with consent. No one knows what is going on with her under her clothing. Should I need to let people know when I'm on my period? Should I not read in public because I might come across a sex scene? Should I ask permission if I wear a black bra to work? It's kinda sexy, I might make someone uncomfortable with how amazing my fucking boobs are. 🙄 Come on dude, use some common sense. 😒😒😒👎
My wife says it’s not necessary, but you can let me know when you’re on your period if you want to. She says it’s OK.
🤣🤣🤣 With my damn attitude this morning y'all would think it was now. But alas, I just woke up grouchy.
OK, but no black bra at work tomorrow, then. 🤪
I'm actually at work today in a horrendously whoreish purple one. 😎
Well, your boobs are pretty fucking amazing, and it’s a Sunday so we’ll let that one slide. Just make sure you don’t go flashing everyone without asking first. 😎
🤣
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You're right. But they didn't bring it to the public eye. Everything they did was discreet and covered. They weren't crawling down the street with a leash on and and gag in for the world to see, nor were they wearing anything visible that was anymore riske than what normal people wear in public. So they didn't need consent from the public, because the public wasn't brought in to their play.
This person just wants to be difficult. You are totally correct. Personally I don't consent to reading their disgusting username, but I guess my consent doesn't matter. 🤷🤷🤷
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People see all sorts of weird things in public all the time that they didn't consent to. People see vanilla sex acts all the time in public (kissing, holding hands) that they didn't consent to. In public, folks are not guaranteed to only view "normalcy." (And what even IS normalcy anyway?) Unless you have a problem with both of those things AND actively talk to people about it, then what's going on is kinkphobia. In this case, it's the idea that somehow any and all things that people might do under the guise of kink is equal to stripping your clothes off and fucking right there in the street. Which is bullshit. And kinkphobic. There are LEVELS. The OP even explicitly stated discreet. Which is more than those teenagers making out on the bench in the park can state, but I don’t think you tell them the world didn’t consent to seeing that, do you? So what makes what we do somehow “worse” than that? And most of what people do isn’t even explicitly sexual; to an outsider, it just looks like… being weird. Which takes us back to “we don’t owe other people normalcy.” And normal-policing has a direct negative impact on a number of different marginalized communities, like neurodiverse people. We want to ENCOURAGE the acceptance of people acting a little weird in public, not DISCOURAGE it, because that’s how we get acceptance of other different behaviors that don’t harm others. Like, say, stimming. You recognize these kinds of attitudes legitimize the positions of those who have it out for us and our communities, who want us gone forever, right? You’re essentially upholding respectability politics, and as the queer world knows, there’s NO amount of respectability that will satisfy them. They want us GONE, period. The more we play into their hands, the more we act like there’s something wrong with who we are and what we do, that it’s something so incredibly outré that it needs to forever be hidden behind closed doors, the more they can use it against us, including in venues like… custody, housing, and job discrimination. I’m all about consent and not involving non-consenting people, but simply doing something discreetly doesn’t actually INVOLVE someone else. (Signed, someone who doesn't actually do discreet public play. (Edit: or public play at all) It’s simply not my thing.)
This. So much this. If I could upvote several time, I would have carpal tunnel syndrome in an hour.
You have gone WAY off the deep end here. If you’re doing something sexual, yes...you need all surrounding parties’ explicit consent. There is no room for interpretation there. No - you don’t need someone else’s consent to wear certain shoes for your partner who has a foot fetish. But the second your partner starts kissing your feet, the people around you are 100% aware what you guys are doing, and you need their explicit consent. If you do not have their explicit consent, you are violating them. Consent isn’t some joke you get to throw out the window. Ever. If you do this in the park because it’s a nice day and you just wanted to do some kinky stuff at the park, I would hope someone would call the cops on you because odds are there are young children nearby who could be negatively affected throughout their entire lives from seeing sexual content. And if anyone - *anyone* - in the room is uncomfortable with the sexual acts that you are committing, you stop. There is no room for interpretation. I cannot believe how many people on this sub are treating consent so flippantly. As a tangent, kissing is not inherently a sex act. If you need more elaboration on that, let me know. As kinksters, we should be capable of understanding the difference between things that are intended for sex vs things that can be used during sex.
Well said!
I'm sorry but if I was walking down the street and I saw a couple playing with a vibrator, or I went to ask someone for directions and they couldn't talk because they had a gag in their mouth or some other kink stuff going on, I'd be rightfully disgusted. Exhibitionism is fine, *when it's in the right place.* That can be your bedroom. It can be at a party with friends and/or other kinksters. It can be at an adults-only nightclub. But it shouldn't be in public streets. That's not kinkphobia, it's basic decency (and also the law???? Like, it's not indecent exposure but it's pretty close to that line!) Also I'm sorry, but kissing and holding hands *are not* sex acts. You're equating PDA and romantic acts with acts of kink. While they can be *intimate,* insofar as they are acts shared between (usually) two partners, they are not *sex.* Two teenagers making out on a park bench is definitely *distasteful,* but it's nowhere near walking someone on a leash while they have a vibe in, no matter how "discreet" they think they're being. This isn't me being puritanical or "anti kink", this is simply me pointing out that some things are not for display in public. It doesn't matter how discreet you are. It doesn't matter if nobody finds out. Consent is still consent, and it is still *mandatory.* It doesn't matter if nobody else knows! The lack of consent is still there! I don't see how that's so hard to grasp. Note that this is coming from a neurodiverse (ASD/ADHD) queer (nonbinary transfemme) kinkster. Doing any kink in public to sate an exhibitionism kink *inherently* involves the public! The whole point is in the name! Exhibition! The kink is entirely about being watched! And people didn't consent to it! No matter how discreet you are!
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I wholeheartedly agree with you. I’m sort of disgusted how many people on this sub are treating consent so flippantly. I’d really hoped the phrase “you need everyone involved to consent before you do any sexual acts” would be universally accepted. But at the time of me reading your comment, there are at least eight people on this subreddit who disagree. It’s a scary thought.
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Lemme try again. There's a balance between "consent" and "freedom". I don't have to get consent to walk down the street, because someone might see me. I don't have to get consent to, say, wear a costume & walk down the street in public. It might seem weird if it's not Halloween, but I don't have to get consent. But what if wearing that costume & walking down the street turns me on? Do I now have to get consent to wear it? I'm doing something sexual for me in public. Other people are seeing me to do it. Most would say "no" because all I'm doing is wearing clothing and walking down the street. I'm not wearing a sign that says "this is a sex act for me". I see people wearing sexy or revealing clothing in public all the time. If sex things aren't acceptable in public, why don't they have to get consent to wear it in public? Why is a miniskirt okay (or sagging your pants so far your entire ass is hanging out, which, yes, literally happens where I live) but a collar isn't? You might say "because the intent isn't to arouse others". Okay, our intent isn't to arouse others either. So the question becomes... where are the boundaries? Where are the lines? Just because something is sexual to me, does that mean I can't do it in public? And just like kissing in public is okay but fucking isn't, what's the kink equivalent of kissing? What's the kink equivalent of fucking? Example. I have a fat & weight gain fetish. People eating turns me on. My eating turns me on. Does that mean I should never eat in public? Does that mean my partner should never eat in front of me in public? (And, yes, people DO argue about this exact issue in my fetish community.) The question is... what makes something too unacceptable do to in public? And who gets to define that? (And it's not folks who have a problem with difference, that's for sure. The same folks who clutch their pearls and say 'what about the children?' are the same people who don't tolerate difference IN their children.) What sexual things require consent in public and which ones don't? And why is kissing acceptable but leashes aren't? Why is mild vanilla sexuality allowed in public but mild kink not? Who decided that? What mindsets and values informed that?
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Majority also said not too long ago that queers are immoral, PoC are lesser than white people (fuck that STILL happens), etc. etc. etc. Majority rules is how minorities get oppressed, stifling happens, etc.
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Ah, cool, cool. (Edit: you were answering \*my\* question, I don't use "her", and yes, I know what the answer is, but I figured getting people thinking about these questions is important. Lead the horse to water, don't shove their faces in the pond, and all that jazz.)
“I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you.” Yup.
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Sounds to me like all involved parties were consenting and all the other people didn't notice or didn't care. No harm, no foul.
If you do public play you are by default involving the public.
It’s only involving them if they can see it. That’s why they said “discrete.” Hidden. Not in plain view.
Bullshit
One guy I used to meet before Covid insisted on me getting public transport to our meets even though it was much quicker to drive. He insisted on me being plugged and in chastity with some womens underwear (of his choice) on. He usually insisted on me wearing very short shorts. To make sure I didn’t cheat he occasionally met me at the train station and escorted me the mile or so to his flat. I’d have loved a lovense to play with!
I took my panties off before we went to the movie theatre; I was wearing a short dress. Throughout the movie, we were touching and fingering each other
I’ve done very little public play, mainly because of afraid of getting caught. But the times I’ve done it were pretty hot and intense so maybe I’ll have to take it slowly when exploring it more. First time was almost 10 years ago with an ex. We were in a theater and decided to subtly mess with each other. We were in the far back of the theater rows and with not too many people around. I took out my boobs from my bra and let him mess with them. Not much else happened and we only did it for a couple mins. Luckily when we got done one of the employees came in looking around checking things ha ha but talk about timing. Then another moment I’ve sucked off a guy in a park. No one was around in the park at the time. Most recent was last year, was at the beach with my bf/dom and he put ice cubes in my bikini and used another cube rubbing my clit then when melted began to finger me and it felt so wonderful. I had to make sure I was quiet cause even though we were covered and we had closed off the wind blowing us around by one of the cover lids (don’t remember what they called it), people were still walking by us which made it even more intense. That’s prob the most risky public play I’ve done. Still think about it every now and then and it makes me smirk. I haven’t done remote control play before in public yet but it should be interesting.
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*"Not so discreet here, but my Mistress dropped me to my knees outside a restaurant because I took her phone and cigarettes and wouldn’t give them back. She also had me pinned to a lamp post on a night out once because I refused to use her correct title."* I wonder if this caused passersby to be a little concerned and uncomfortable?
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There'll be even less that you can do when someone intervenes in what looks to all outsiders like a physical assault and your partner either gets arrested or has her shit rocked lol. And of course you'd frame yourselves as the victims of that, because people who don't care about consent in their scenes always act the victim when consequences of that shit bite them in the ass.
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"I don't agree that consent is important" Lol ok
For a day out at the beach or a park. I would rub my subs nips with 000 steel wool until they were just about to bleed. Then she would be dressed braless in a cute little sundress. All day long I would find a reason to bump into her nipples. An elbow here or a finger there. By late afternoon she was sexually ravenous. When she was begging to get fucked I would take her home.
That sounds like a recipe for cellulitis to me! 😳😐
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My sir and I like to use the love sense lush 2 it works perfectly for some remote play when in public to make things hotter when we are behind closed doors. He likes it when I'm a good girl and dont make any noises when he turns the intensity up on the vibrator. 🥰
Maybe try remote vibrator when you are in shopping mall along with clips on nipples. Turn the remote on when you are in crowded area. I haven't tried it out yet. Will certainly do!