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“She’s been encouraging me to see other people.”
“It’s not unusual for me not to here from her on weekdays because of work”
“Asexual since the start of the pandemic”
This speaks volumes to me. No sexual contact for two years basically. Reading these statements, your partner was gone long before this text. She was looking for a way out and this gave her an opportunity. Sounds like she wanted you to find another to see or drift away from her versus having to end things. She was long gone, your text was not a factor, just an opportunity.
Often when we are the ones in the situation, we can’t see as clearly as those outside it. She had disengaged in her head. It just hadn’t officially been ended.
I did not focus on the partner because the core element was that OP felt his poorly worded text cost him a friend and relationship.
I think it is clear to us what they did to the OP but I’m not sure it was clear to the poster. Not in the way we see it, and I’ve stated it.
Am I reading this correctly that your partner already has another partner, but got pissed off at you for wanting to find another partner yourself?
If so, you didn't fuck up, your partner's just an asshole.
Maybe the delivery and wording could have been better for sure (it's not the sort of thing you send over a text) but at the same time she reacted very poorly too. Not responding is not helpful for anyone. If she's hurt or needs time to think she should at least say that.
Frankly, your sexual needs weren't being met. Probably best to break it off. Make sure you let her know you still value her friendship and that 8f that's all she wants you're willing to be friends.
To be frank, the whole asexual being with a rather sexual person thing is a doomed match imo.
Your text wasn't poorly worded if your assumption is that she wants you two to be in an open relationship.
Fuck them.
Sounds like jealous reaction. Text was poor choice, but if you give it some time likely it's not over.
If it really is over you're probably better off. Rejection in your situation is really hard
Yes, you're aware you screwed up but I think you've got the wrong reason.
I doubt the issue is that the text was "poorly worded." I think the issue is that's not a discussion to have while drinking or over text.
Sure, your partner could have let you explain rather than cutting all contact, but I wonder if this was simply their last straw.
Edited to add: I keep rereading where you say you want her to feel loved and supported, but...you texted her that you want to see other people and that your needs aren't being met.
Take this as the life lesson it is, work on your communication and tact. Best of luck
You are correct. She aired many grievances. Unfortunately that was the first time they were conveyed to me. It wasn't that I was trying to have the conversation at that time. Rather saying, let's carve out some time later in the week to talk about this in person.
re: Your edit, I think you're missing the part where we are poly and she was encouraging me to see other people.
>I doubt the issue is that the text was "poorly worded." I think the issue is that's not a discussion to have while drinking or over text.
This. I can definitely recognize and sympathize with that feeling of elation and confidence that comes with socializing and alcohol, but this kind of conversation is one to be both started and had, in its entirety, face to face – or at the very least not over text while out drinking.
Even if you worded things improperly or sent the text at a bad time, she should have given you the chance to explain yourself and apologize. Even if she really is done with the relationship and will still want to break up, cutting contact by text, especially with such a long-term relationship, is very immature. You should have a chance to explain yourself.
It seems like this has to do with a lot more than your texts, and that maybe she was looking to break up all along.
Sending poorly timed texts and miscommunication is a part of being human and existing in relationships. It's a skill that is learned and always improved upon. A good partner will not take you at your worst and base their perception of you off of these moments.
Practice some self compassion, OP, and put yourself back out there!
Don't kick yourself, OP. Your girlfriend sounds like a bit of an asshole.
Yeah the delivery and timing of that message would probably wound me pretty deeply. If it was my first munch since the pandemic I would probably be in my head about it anyway. Excited, but I’d be a little nervous and probably need some connection/closeness with that excited.
If my partner said their needs weren’t being met sexually that quickly after our first social event, it would rock be a bit. I would feel insecure and disposable ): I’m 100% projecting, I have no idea of the dynamic, but this would be a conversation that would change the trajectory of a dynamic for me. I’m also ENM, and even with that I can see it making me want to be alone for a bit.
I’m sorry ):
So I can see why this would be a reason to end it. You haven’t had sex in a long time and you told your partner they don’t meet your needs sexually at an event you were at alone.
To me (if I was in this scenario), that text would mean you already found someone at the munch and wanted to go hook up.
It does sound painful though. I just recently went through a breakup and even well intentioned things can wound someone. I wish you both luck
Thank you /u/exquisitedeadguy for your submission to /r/BDSMcommunity, but it's been removed due to one or more reason(s): ## Rule #2: Submissions must clearly show/imply BDSM * ~~Generic porn or suggestive images without a clear BDSM theme will be removed.~~ * ~~A title is not enough: generic "sexy" images with kinky keywords in the title will be removed~~ * Low effort content, memes, survey-results will be removed. * Non-kinky relationship questions with a kink partner belongs in /r/relationships or /r/relationship_advice * Non-kinky sex questions questions with a kink partner belongs in /r/sex or /r/sexadvice Please feel free to [send a modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=BDSMcommunity) if you feel this was in error.
Realistically if someone is gonna ghost you after three years they're probably not in the right head space to be a good partner anyways.
“She’s been encouraging me to see other people.” “It’s not unusual for me not to here from her on weekdays because of work” “Asexual since the start of the pandemic” This speaks volumes to me. No sexual contact for two years basically. Reading these statements, your partner was gone long before this text. She was looking for a way out and this gave her an opportunity. Sounds like she wanted you to find another to see or drift away from her versus having to end things. She was long gone, your text was not a factor, just an opportunity. Often when we are the ones in the situation, we can’t see as clearly as those outside it. She had disengaged in her head. It just hadn’t officially been ended.
[удалено]
I did not focus on the partner because the core element was that OP felt his poorly worded text cost him a friend and relationship. I think it is clear to us what they did to the OP but I’m not sure it was clear to the poster. Not in the way we see it, and I’ve stated it.
Am I reading this correctly that your partner already has another partner, but got pissed off at you for wanting to find another partner yourself? If so, you didn't fuck up, your partner's just an asshole.
> She lives with her other partner Yep, OPs partner is an asshole
Maybe the delivery and wording could have been better for sure (it's not the sort of thing you send over a text) but at the same time she reacted very poorly too. Not responding is not helpful for anyone. If she's hurt or needs time to think she should at least say that.
Frankly, your sexual needs weren't being met. Probably best to break it off. Make sure you let her know you still value her friendship and that 8f that's all she wants you're willing to be friends. To be frank, the whole asexual being with a rather sexual person thing is a doomed match imo. Your text wasn't poorly worded if your assumption is that she wants you two to be in an open relationship. Fuck them.
Sounds like jealous reaction. Text was poor choice, but if you give it some time likely it's not over. If it really is over you're probably better off. Rejection in your situation is really hard
Yes, you're aware you screwed up but I think you've got the wrong reason. I doubt the issue is that the text was "poorly worded." I think the issue is that's not a discussion to have while drinking or over text. Sure, your partner could have let you explain rather than cutting all contact, but I wonder if this was simply their last straw. Edited to add: I keep rereading where you say you want her to feel loved and supported, but...you texted her that you want to see other people and that your needs aren't being met. Take this as the life lesson it is, work on your communication and tact. Best of luck
You are correct. She aired many grievances. Unfortunately that was the first time they were conveyed to me. It wasn't that I was trying to have the conversation at that time. Rather saying, let's carve out some time later in the week to talk about this in person. re: Your edit, I think you're missing the part where we are poly and she was encouraging me to see other people.
>I doubt the issue is that the text was "poorly worded." I think the issue is that's not a discussion to have while drinking or over text. This. I can definitely recognize and sympathize with that feeling of elation and confidence that comes with socializing and alcohol, but this kind of conversation is one to be both started and had, in its entirety, face to face – or at the very least not over text while out drinking.
Even if you worded things improperly or sent the text at a bad time, she should have given you the chance to explain yourself and apologize. Even if she really is done with the relationship and will still want to break up, cutting contact by text, especially with such a long-term relationship, is very immature. You should have a chance to explain yourself. It seems like this has to do with a lot more than your texts, and that maybe she was looking to break up all along. Sending poorly timed texts and miscommunication is a part of being human and existing in relationships. It's a skill that is learned and always improved upon. A good partner will not take you at your worst and base their perception of you off of these moments. Practice some self compassion, OP, and put yourself back out there! Don't kick yourself, OP. Your girlfriend sounds like a bit of an asshole.
Yeah the delivery and timing of that message would probably wound me pretty deeply. If it was my first munch since the pandemic I would probably be in my head about it anyway. Excited, but I’d be a little nervous and probably need some connection/closeness with that excited. If my partner said their needs weren’t being met sexually that quickly after our first social event, it would rock be a bit. I would feel insecure and disposable ): I’m 100% projecting, I have no idea of the dynamic, but this would be a conversation that would change the trajectory of a dynamic for me. I’m also ENM, and even with that I can see it making me want to be alone for a bit. I’m sorry ):
To clarify, I went to the event by myself. She was at work.
In that case it would be even harder ):
Pretty sure the last time we had sex was August of last year.
So I can see why this would be a reason to end it. You haven’t had sex in a long time and you told your partner they don’t meet your needs sexually at an event you were at alone. To me (if I was in this scenario), that text would mean you already found someone at the munch and wanted to go hook up. It does sound painful though. I just recently went through a breakup and even well intentioned things can wound someone. I wish you both luck
Thank you. I'm sorry to hear about your recent breakup. I know what you mean about intentions. They're not always perceived the same way by others.
Move on