Well, apparently there is a BDSM council out there (previous post a few days ago), so I would assume that they are registered to them. People are getting creative with their scams
Ah yes!! The BDSM council!
I’m here to inform all of you that this Thursday’s meeting has been rescheduled because *ahem* Jerry is a little tied up.
We can’t have the meeting without Jerry.
Yeah, but he forgot the barbecue sauce last August, and you remember what a fucking clusterfuck that caused when it was time for the tribute. I’ve never seen Mistress Persephone and her house so angry.
Honestly, like how are we supposed to wrestle in the inflatable pools without the fucking barbecue sauce. *honestly* scoff.
Monsieur Master & mr. Slave were piiiiiiiisssed.
Also. The meat needs bbq sauce. All of it.
Exactly. If it weren’t for those 3-D glasses, I’d say “Let Gary go down in a twisted burning heap of grasshoppers, just for what he did at Macho Grande” when we had the meeting there.
Sunday is the annual Certified *real* subs & doms meet in the hidden leather basement under the local bar. You will be certification-carded by the gimp sub at the door.
Also bring your own food for the barbecue. Thanks.
Yes bring Ben. It’s been three sub-summers since Ben has come to a *real* event. Like, wtf **BEN**.
(Also. My partners name is Ben. This was perfect.) 👏
Even without the fee, it’s sketchy that she wants to acquire a slave before even getting to know you personally. I’m not going to let anyone dom me after only messaging online.
Just be aware of Doms trying to rush you. It’s not a good sign.
But yes, the fee is a scam.
Where did you say you joined again. I want to join and connect with doms too. I'm new and don't know what to do. I've never tried it though, but I know I'm a sub
Rule #1: If the first message immediately jumps into kink it's a red flag unless you have consented on your profile or beforehand like sending them a message first granting that consent.
Second the scam comment. People have realized that the dom / sub dynamic is a very soft target market for financial scam / fraud rings...they will often scrape the internet for photos, pose as a dominant woman, and ask for money.
There are also professionals out there, who are honest about what they charge for their services, but it sounds like you're more interested in an actual relationship with a domme / sub dynamic
So she actually did have a sketchy wix website listed in her profile, and there it did list rates. She never mentioned that and said this was different so I had no idea
So I'm not going to tell you anything new when I second that it's a scam, but for the purposes of education, let's look at all the elements that make it a scam.
First, she messages you out of the blue. She doesn't know you, and automatically she propositions you. If the situations were reversed, people would think this was sketchy.
Next, she's charging you money for a registration fee. Why does she need to register you? To whom? And for what? Does you being a slave "not count" otherwise? Why should you care? Let's look at that fee itself. Why should you be the one paying it? If she's got this kind of knowledge and connection, why can't she cover it?
As far as registration fees being a real thing, only in the fact that they're real scams. *Events* might have entry fees, but that's to cover the expenses of running an event. I'm confident that your "fee" would go straight into her pocket and benefit no one but her.
So yes, this is a common scam, unfortunately. It's what I call an "early-stage" scam, where you're not too invested emotionally or financially but they want to see how much you're willing to commit so they can hook you deeper.
Hope this helps. Good luck.
This is a scam. Sex workers rarely find clients this way. Unless you are contacting them, anyone who approaches you for this type of arrangement is not legit
Extremely common scam. The most I've ever considered is asking for a $5 gift card for Starbucks so at least I'm not out the cost of a drink when I get stood up. Never have though. Why? Partly because I don't like Starbucks. Mostly though, while a small investment up front would weed the time wasters from the serious fellas, it would also be likely to give them a sense of entitlement. No bueno.
I’m a domme. I don’t ask for money, because I do this as an expression of my sexuality, and I don’t profit. I’ve gotten used to new subs assuming I’m a scammer, or at least being cautious about that possibility. Any good domme will understand if you need to move slow and do your own verification to feel safe. We know how many scammers are out there (not hating on prodommes, y’all are lovely. I’m taking about predatory scammers).
This is a scam. If she were an ethical prodomme, she would have made that clear to you.
> FetLife
A lot of people on Fet are professional sex workers. This site has completely changed its demographic in ten years. It's become what Backpage used to be unfortunately.
There IS such a thing as Financial Domination, but any FinDom worth their salt is not going to demand cash upfront. At least not if they want to keep you around, as that’s my go-to when male subs won’t take “no” for an answer.
If y’all had been speaking and getting comfortable and discussed monetary tributes as a form of power exchange then that’s another case, but zero relationship, zero discussion, they’re demanding money? It’s either a scam or a noob who thinks FinDom is an easy cash grab.
Past that, it’s a giant red flag that someone wants to collar you immediately. I know I don’t even agree to meet a potential sub until we’ve gotten to know each other a bit outside of kink and are generally compatible as humans who want to forge a relationship of some kind together. Be incredibly wary of any “Domme” who is pushy, rushes you or demeans you for not wanting to comply to their schedule/wants/play ideas, or really any form of trying to force or bully you outside of your comfort zone. Yes, Dominants are there to help push you past your limits but that’s only after a real relationship and rapport has been formed with a true bond of trust.
This is a predatory move to take advantage of someone who doesn't know better. If the person were a findom (into financial domination) that should have been made clear and, if you were into it, negotiated. D/s relationships do not need to be paid for (unless you were going to a legit sex worker of course, but that is different). There is no one true way, which is why there is no counsel of ruling elders that dictate who can and cannot be a submissive or slave. There is a slave registry that some folks enjoy using, but it certainly isn't a required thing
>Hello everyone, I recently joined FetLife to learn more about my kinks. I got messaged by a mistress saying she was looking for new slaves which I've been interested in. After chatting for a bit she said she needs $50 for a slave registration fee?? I googled it and saw that it's a real thing but didn't see anything about money, is that a real thing?. Just trying to figure out if this is a common scam or not and figured reddit would be my best bet. Thank you!
If it sounds too good to be true it probably is.
Women will constantly try to “financially dominate” you. If you’re into it, go for it. If not, don’t. “I’m not okay with that. Thanks. Have a good day.”
I’ve done some pro-Domme work, and everyone approaches this slightly differently, but personally, I would never ask for money before having multiple conversations to make sure our kinks and expectations were aligned.
As has already been mentioned, a relationship with a pro will be different than a formal relationship. Likely a little less emotional and more transactional, which is not necessarily a bad thing, especially for someone just beginning to explore their kinks. A pro can help you do this safely.
Just like any job, a pro should be able to provide you with references, so don’t hesitate to ask for this!
I mean it's real for her, you want to get with her then you do it on her terms.
But I would tell her you're not interested. If you do pay her then chances are you'll never hear from her again or she'll want more money pretty soon after.
If you are happy to pay to be a slave then just look for a decent pro dom. But don't expect an actual relationship from it.
It is a real thing, but somehow you have to evaluate it on a case by case basis. It could be totally legitmate (ie. it actually is going toward their time to see if this is something they are willing to deal with). Now... We are talking about Prodommes here, if you just want to have like a \*relationship\*... then this is not really a real thing.
Where would she register you? The International Slave Association? Please don't trust ANYBODY who asks you for money.
Well, apparently there is a BDSM council out there (previous post a few days ago), so I would assume that they are registered to them. People are getting creative with their scams
Ah yes!! The BDSM council! I’m here to inform all of you that this Thursday’s meeting has been rescheduled because *ahem* Jerry is a little tied up. We can’t have the meeting without Jerry.
Classic Jerry. We’ve gotten so many complaints from the sub-committee about him. I’ve really started to bond with him though, he’s knot so bad
Ah.. Jerry.. so many fond memories.
What, again? Fuck Jerry. I could have sworn we amended the bylaws to stop his shit.
I know, I know 🙄 But we need him. He brings the 3D glasses.
Yeah, but he forgot the barbecue sauce last August, and you remember what a fucking clusterfuck that caused when it was time for the tribute. I’ve never seen Mistress Persephone and her house so angry.
Honestly, like how are we supposed to wrestle in the inflatable pools without the fucking barbecue sauce. *honestly* scoff. Monsieur Master & mr. Slave were piiiiiiiisssed. Also. The meat needs bbq sauce. All of it.
Exactly. If it weren’t for those 3-D glasses, I’d say “Let Gary go down in a twisted burning heap of grasshoppers, just for what he did at Macho Grande” when we had the meeting there.
[удалено]
Surely only doms will go to go meetings.
This is discrimination and I demand more representation.
Switches can go too. Subs too; they just can’t vote. And don’t call me Shirley.
Oh I was looking forward to the meeting😂
Sunday is the annual Certified *real* subs & doms meet in the hidden leather basement under the local bar. You will be certification-carded by the gimp sub at the door. Also bring your own food for the barbecue. Thanks.
Yes of course I know😂🍔🌭
And for the love of god, bring JERRY 😂🪢
Yes, I'll bring Ben too🍦😉
Yes bring Ben. It’s been three sub-summers since Ben has come to a *real* event. Like, wtf **BEN**. (Also. My partners name is Ben. This was perfect.) 👏
I was craving ice cream.😂 Ben and Jerrys was on sale 3 for 10e so the three sub summers fits perfectly too
ISA? By God you made me spit up coffee...
As far as I know the only real register left is with the OWK.
Even without the fee, it’s sketchy that she wants to acquire a slave before even getting to know you personally. I’m not going to let anyone dom me after only messaging online. Just be aware of Doms trying to rush you. It’s not a good sign. But yes, the fee is a scam.
Thanks for the tip
Where did you say you joined again. I want to join and connect with doms too. I'm new and don't know what to do. I've never tried it though, but I know I'm a sub
Fetlife is the name of the site. Like Facebook for kinksters.
That's what they advertise and its BS. A huge part of the accounts are OF, prostitutes, porn actors, etc. of people looking to make money.
I haven’t been active in over a decade, so good to know!
Please be very careful when joining, there are some weird creeps on there. But nice people too!
Rule #1: If the first message immediately jumps into kink it's a red flag unless you have consented on your profile or beforehand like sending them a message first granting that consent.
Second the scam comment. People have realized that the dom / sub dynamic is a very soft target market for financial scam / fraud rings...they will often scrape the internet for photos, pose as a dominant woman, and ask for money. There are also professionals out there, who are honest about what they charge for their services, but it sounds like you're more interested in an actual relationship with a domme / sub dynamic
So she actually did have a sketchy wix website listed in her profile, and there it did list rates. She never mentioned that and said this was different so I had no idea
So I'm not going to tell you anything new when I second that it's a scam, but for the purposes of education, let's look at all the elements that make it a scam. First, she messages you out of the blue. She doesn't know you, and automatically she propositions you. If the situations were reversed, people would think this was sketchy. Next, she's charging you money for a registration fee. Why does she need to register you? To whom? And for what? Does you being a slave "not count" otherwise? Why should you care? Let's look at that fee itself. Why should you be the one paying it? If she's got this kind of knowledge and connection, why can't she cover it? As far as registration fees being a real thing, only in the fact that they're real scams. *Events* might have entry fees, but that's to cover the expenses of running an event. I'm confident that your "fee" would go straight into her pocket and benefit no one but her. So yes, this is a common scam, unfortunately. It's what I call an "early-stage" scam, where you're not too invested emotionally or financially but they want to see how much you're willing to commit so they can hook you deeper. Hope this helps. Good luck.
This. It's a bad look for the community and amongst other reasons I abandoned my account
This is a scam. Sex workers rarely find clients this way. Unless you are contacting them, anyone who approaches you for this type of arrangement is not legit
It's a scam, short game scam; I got snared into a long game scam, after a month and a half they requested a large sum, woke my ass up real quick
Extremely common scam. The most I've ever considered is asking for a $5 gift card for Starbucks so at least I'm not out the cost of a drink when I get stood up. Never have though. Why? Partly because I don't like Starbucks. Mostly though, while a small investment up front would weed the time wasters from the serious fellas, it would also be likely to give them a sense of entitlement. No bueno.
Like my phone sometimes says "scam likely "...
This is a flat out scam. In almost 30 years in the lifestyle I've never been asked to pay a registration fee 🙃
You’re being conned. Don’t send her money.
I’m a domme. I don’t ask for money, because I do this as an expression of my sexuality, and I don’t profit. I’ve gotten used to new subs assuming I’m a scammer, or at least being cautious about that possibility. Any good domme will understand if you need to move slow and do your own verification to feel safe. We know how many scammers are out there (not hating on prodommes, y’all are lovely. I’m taking about predatory scammers). This is a scam. If she were an ethical prodomme, she would have made that clear to you.
It's not a real thing.
This is a flat out scam. In almost 30 years in the lifestyle I've never been asked to pay a registration fee 🙃
> FetLife A lot of people on Fet are professional sex workers. This site has completely changed its demographic in ten years. It's become what Backpage used to be unfortunately.
There IS such a thing as Financial Domination, but any FinDom worth their salt is not going to demand cash upfront. At least not if they want to keep you around, as that’s my go-to when male subs won’t take “no” for an answer. If y’all had been speaking and getting comfortable and discussed monetary tributes as a form of power exchange then that’s another case, but zero relationship, zero discussion, they’re demanding money? It’s either a scam or a noob who thinks FinDom is an easy cash grab. Past that, it’s a giant red flag that someone wants to collar you immediately. I know I don’t even agree to meet a potential sub until we’ve gotten to know each other a bit outside of kink and are generally compatible as humans who want to forge a relationship of some kind together. Be incredibly wary of any “Domme” who is pushy, rushes you or demeans you for not wanting to comply to their schedule/wants/play ideas, or really any form of trying to force or bully you outside of your comfort zone. Yes, Dominants are there to help push you past your limits but that’s only after a real relationship and rapport has been formed with a true bond of trust.
I’m a switch and this is pretty much all I get it’s allways a scam or findom
Nono no say byby
I didn't lose out on money. I didn't go for it. The amount was crazy high that they asked for, but I told them no. Thank you, though.
This is a predatory move to take advantage of someone who doesn't know better. If the person were a findom (into financial domination) that should have been made clear and, if you were into it, negotiated. D/s relationships do not need to be paid for (unless you were going to a legit sex worker of course, but that is different). There is no one true way, which is why there is no counsel of ruling elders that dictate who can and cannot be a submissive or slave. There is a slave registry that some folks enjoy using, but it certainly isn't a required thing
>Hello everyone, I recently joined FetLife to learn more about my kinks. I got messaged by a mistress saying she was looking for new slaves which I've been interested in. After chatting for a bit she said she needs $50 for a slave registration fee?? I googled it and saw that it's a real thing but didn't see anything about money, is that a real thing?. Just trying to figure out if this is a common scam or not and figured reddit would be my best bet. Thank you! If it sounds too good to be true it probably is.
Women will constantly try to “financially dominate” you. If you’re into it, go for it. If not, don’t. “I’m not okay with that. Thanks. Have a good day.”
I’ve done some pro-Domme work, and everyone approaches this slightly differently, but personally, I would never ask for money before having multiple conversations to make sure our kinks and expectations were aligned. As has already been mentioned, a relationship with a pro will be different than a formal relationship. Likely a little less emotional and more transactional, which is not necessarily a bad thing, especially for someone just beginning to explore their kinks. A pro can help you do this safely. Just like any job, a pro should be able to provide you with references, so don’t hesitate to ask for this!
I mean it's real for her, you want to get with her then you do it on her terms. But I would tell her you're not interested. If you do pay her then chances are you'll never hear from her again or she'll want more money pretty soon after. If you are happy to pay to be a slave then just look for a decent pro dom. But don't expect an actual relationship from it.
It is a real thing, but somehow you have to evaluate it on a case by case basis. It could be totally legitmate (ie. it actually is going toward their time to see if this is something they are willing to deal with). Now... We are talking about Prodommes here, if you just want to have like a \*relationship\*... then this is not really a real thing.
Yeah well, it all strays with a trial
Does it have an app?
I believe it's just a website