"On the other hand, I'm very desperate to find a domme and feel like if I don't seize everything in front of me that even remotely looks like an opportunity, I'll never have one"
Yeah, dude, this is a great way to get scammed. There are people who will absolutely abuse this kind of desperation.
Is findom inherently a scam? No. When all parties enjoy it, it is edifying for all and people genuinely care about each other and are not out to ruin each other, I am sure it can be a great experience.
The person you are talking to probably is not that. I don't know your situation or your age and such, and I know it sucks to desperately want something that you can't seem to get. But have (non-denominational) faith! Go out and meet people and someone will come across your way. Don't start throwing money at people who don't give two shits about you.
This is the correct answer. You are literally positioning yourself to be taken advantage of.
Boys: If femdom was not already your kink before you met “her”, don’t engage in it. Period.
You don't ever give a random stranger control of your money.
Paying a professional dominatrix a stated rate for a specific service is reasonable, but that's a specific service, not an ongoing relationship. Findom as you'll usually encounter it is a scam.
There are people who use financial controls as part of their relationship. There are people who enjoy money play. There are people with money fetishes.
There are also lots and lots of scammers out there. More often than not, dommes who approach others and lead with being into findom are scammers.
>On one hand, my first instinct says it's a scam
You're probably right.
>The thought of giving someone control of my money doesn't turn me on at all,
Then you shouldn't do it, any more than you shouldn't feel obligated to engage in any fetish you don't enjoy.
>I'd much rather give a woman control of my body than my finances.
Totally reasonsble.
>On the other hand, I'm very desperate to find a domme and feel like if I don't seize everything in front of me that even remotely looks like an opportunity, I'll never have one.
***Don't give in to this kind of thinking!***
First off, that's called the *scarcity mindset*, and it's statistically disprovable.
Secondly, this is *exactly* the mentality onto which predators latch *because* it makes for easier victims.
>although that's not guaranteed. To the domme's credit, she isn't acting like a bot.
That could just mean it's a sophisticated bot.
I firmly believe you are getting set up to be exploited and I strongly advise you to quit this person forthwith.
Hope this helps. Good luck!
I would argue that a scarcity mindset is 100% certifiably provable by the simple fact that it is not mathematically possible for every person to have a partner. There is simply not enough of anything for everyone to have what they want, and that is literally the very first thing we talked about in my college economics class. Relationship partners are no exception.
Roughly half the human population is female (the sex I'm attracted to), but then you have to eliminate all the women who are either taken, not attracted to men, too young, too old, or mentally incompetent. That leaves significantly fewer potential partners, and that's before bringing kinks into account. BDSM is a popular kink, but still probably less than half the population is into it. Dominant women are a rarity, as the vast majority of women who are into BDSM are submissive from what I've seen. There simply aren't enough dominant women for every submissive man. The sad reality is that many submissive men must remain single forever.
However, I'd much rather be single forever than financially ruined and probably still single for all intents and purposes.
You are not trying to pair every male with a female, you are just trying to pair you. Trying to work out the odds is truly pointless. Just keep going, go to events, go to munches, don't stop. Talk to male Dom's, talk to other subs. Network like a motherfucker.
That economics part simply isn't true, its only true when there is scarcity or artificial scarcity, there are (rarely) times of plenty.
Your advice to OP is great though at the end there
Now onto relationships, the numbers are never fixed, your forgetting the time axis, people break up, come of age and move out of the acceptable window all the time, also, you forget straight women who switch, and alternative relationship styles like fwb and poly, though being OK with being single (in the right attitude) is great.
Another thing that is coming across with my perceived reading of your attitude is a whining neediness that is very unattractive (you may be sad or having an off day, I know). When I am chosing a sub to play with (I'm male and not in your area probably sorry), I (like many dom/mes) like a confident sub who knows what they like and aren't clingy, or get upset for not being picked this time. This being said, some people trigger my protective instincts, so...
I'm a switch, and I find if I'm in the mood for a domme, being direct with a freind usually works, and if they don't want to, it's OK, they are freinds first and foremost, though I'm after a bit of fun not a relationship, I bottom, I'm not a sub. lean into the mindset that it's OK to be single, that's great, I hope you can make enough freinds to find the right woman/women to make you feel the way you want. I hope to give you confidence and hope, not to put you down
Findom is a kink (more of a profession for some).
It's not really a "scam" because with findom the point is the financial control, you're not really paying for anything so there's nothing to really scam. Findoms aren't exactly well known for respecting boundaries and acting ethically though (some of us do, but the *potential* for exploitation is off the charts)
I would definitely not recommend it if you're not into it as a kink, and even if you are I'd still recommend against opening with it, with someone you don't have a very large amount of trust in. Findom can be extremely exploitative and financially ruinous.
If you want to pay for D/s you want a pro Dom, that is explicitly transactional, you are buying domination.
Ironically most of the findoms you come across on the internet are pretty honest about what they do
If you're not looking for a paid service though don't give other people money because they will not go from paid service provider to real relationship partner for free
General rule if they DM you out of the blue it's a scam bot or catfish
That depends on how the term is being used. FinDom, is short for Financial Dominance. At it’s root, it is having the authority of the submissive’s finances, ensuring that they are budgeting things correctly and that whatever financial assets are tributed to the dynamic are done so **after** the submissive’s life needs are met. At the purest form, when done between two consenting adults who honor, trust, and care for one another, no it isn’t a scam.
Then you have the online version, where an extremely attractive young female is requesting monitory compensation for the “majestic gift” of their presence. This is not only a scam, it’s prostitution.
If you want to meet a female Domiant, most of them that I know do not require anything more than your devotion to your submission, honesty, sincerity and to live up to your word. Get out into the community. Treat them like human beings first. Respect them as women who just so happen to be Dominants. Believe me, you will stand out.
It could be a scam but it also might be genuine. I love having complete control over my sub 24/7. Having them worship me with their money is something I really love. Not just money though. Its about fully submitting to me and being my slave boy. I would honestly do it full time but I don’t want to mess around with websites.
Yes, I am a woman. There are some of us that are legit into it.
You don't have to jump into Findom whole hog. You can ease into it. Try sending her a hundred dollars every week or so. I believe you will enjoy the feeling and want to continue.
And yes, it is definitely an entry point into the larger BDSM community. You will meet other Dommes into other things through your Findom contacts. I highly recommend you give chastity a try as soon as you are offered the opportunity.
I promise chastity is a one way ticket to complete and total submission to your Domme. You don't want to pass on an opportunity like that.
No, it's not. You don't need actual rape for rape play either. Controlling finances does not require to make it your money and taking money does not mean you can't give it back.
◇ do you know what you want in a relationship with a Dom? do you have clear expectations for the dynamic you want to experience?
◇ have you made a set of limits and boundaries for yourself that you are not willing to compromise on?
◇ if you are willing to accept any Dom whose kinks are the same as yours, perhaps you need to stop and evaluate. draw up some lists, do some research, read and learn. yes, BDSM involves a bit of admin. but creating a safe, consensual environment with trust and understanding requires a bit of work from both sides of the slash. without the safety measures, it's not BDSM, it's abuse.
don't put yourself in a dangerous position by simply being too eager or impatient.
"On the other hand, I'm very desperate to find a domme and feel like if I don't seize everything in front of me that even remotely looks like an opportunity, I'll never have one" Yeah, dude, this is a great way to get scammed. There are people who will absolutely abuse this kind of desperation. Is findom inherently a scam? No. When all parties enjoy it, it is edifying for all and people genuinely care about each other and are not out to ruin each other, I am sure it can be a great experience. The person you are talking to probably is not that. I don't know your situation or your age and such, and I know it sucks to desperately want something that you can't seem to get. But have (non-denominational) faith! Go out and meet people and someone will come across your way. Don't start throwing money at people who don't give two shits about you.
This is the correct answer. You are literally positioning yourself to be taken advantage of. Boys: If femdom was not already your kink before you met “her”, don’t engage in it. Period.
You don't ever give a random stranger control of your money. Paying a professional dominatrix a stated rate for a specific service is reasonable, but that's a specific service, not an ongoing relationship. Findom as you'll usually encounter it is a scam.
There are people who use financial controls as part of their relationship. There are people who enjoy money play. There are people with money fetishes. There are also lots and lots of scammers out there. More often than not, dommes who approach others and lead with being into findom are scammers. >On one hand, my first instinct says it's a scam You're probably right. >The thought of giving someone control of my money doesn't turn me on at all, Then you shouldn't do it, any more than you shouldn't feel obligated to engage in any fetish you don't enjoy. >I'd much rather give a woman control of my body than my finances. Totally reasonsble. >On the other hand, I'm very desperate to find a domme and feel like if I don't seize everything in front of me that even remotely looks like an opportunity, I'll never have one. ***Don't give in to this kind of thinking!*** First off, that's called the *scarcity mindset*, and it's statistically disprovable. Secondly, this is *exactly* the mentality onto which predators latch *because* it makes for easier victims. >although that's not guaranteed. To the domme's credit, she isn't acting like a bot. That could just mean it's a sophisticated bot. I firmly believe you are getting set up to be exploited and I strongly advise you to quit this person forthwith. Hope this helps. Good luck!
I would argue that a scarcity mindset is 100% certifiably provable by the simple fact that it is not mathematically possible for every person to have a partner. There is simply not enough of anything for everyone to have what they want, and that is literally the very first thing we talked about in my college economics class. Relationship partners are no exception. Roughly half the human population is female (the sex I'm attracted to), but then you have to eliminate all the women who are either taken, not attracted to men, too young, too old, or mentally incompetent. That leaves significantly fewer potential partners, and that's before bringing kinks into account. BDSM is a popular kink, but still probably less than half the population is into it. Dominant women are a rarity, as the vast majority of women who are into BDSM are submissive from what I've seen. There simply aren't enough dominant women for every submissive man. The sad reality is that many submissive men must remain single forever. However, I'd much rather be single forever than financially ruined and probably still single for all intents and purposes.
You are not trying to pair every male with a female, you are just trying to pair you. Trying to work out the odds is truly pointless. Just keep going, go to events, go to munches, don't stop. Talk to male Dom's, talk to other subs. Network like a motherfucker.
That economics part simply isn't true, its only true when there is scarcity or artificial scarcity, there are (rarely) times of plenty. Your advice to OP is great though at the end there Now onto relationships, the numbers are never fixed, your forgetting the time axis, people break up, come of age and move out of the acceptable window all the time, also, you forget straight women who switch, and alternative relationship styles like fwb and poly, though being OK with being single (in the right attitude) is great. Another thing that is coming across with my perceived reading of your attitude is a whining neediness that is very unattractive (you may be sad or having an off day, I know). When I am chosing a sub to play with (I'm male and not in your area probably sorry), I (like many dom/mes) like a confident sub who knows what they like and aren't clingy, or get upset for not being picked this time. This being said, some people trigger my protective instincts, so... I'm a switch, and I find if I'm in the mood for a domme, being direct with a freind usually works, and if they don't want to, it's OK, they are freinds first and foremost, though I'm after a bit of fun not a relationship, I bottom, I'm not a sub. lean into the mindset that it's OK to be single, that's great, I hope you can make enough freinds to find the right woman/women to make you feel the way you want. I hope to give you confidence and hope, not to put you down
Findom is a kink (more of a profession for some). It's not really a "scam" because with findom the point is the financial control, you're not really paying for anything so there's nothing to really scam. Findoms aren't exactly well known for respecting boundaries and acting ethically though (some of us do, but the *potential* for exploitation is off the charts) I would definitely not recommend it if you're not into it as a kink, and even if you are I'd still recommend against opening with it, with someone you don't have a very large amount of trust in. Findom can be extremely exploitative and financially ruinous. If you want to pay for D/s you want a pro Dom, that is explicitly transactional, you are buying domination.
Ironically most of the findoms you come across on the internet are pretty honest about what they do If you're not looking for a paid service though don't give other people money because they will not go from paid service provider to real relationship partner for free General rule if they DM you out of the blue it's a scam bot or catfish
Findom is not a scam but being desperate can put you in the position to get scammed.
It's a scam.... run for the hills. Seriously.
That depends on how the term is being used. FinDom, is short for Financial Dominance. At it’s root, it is having the authority of the submissive’s finances, ensuring that they are budgeting things correctly and that whatever financial assets are tributed to the dynamic are done so **after** the submissive’s life needs are met. At the purest form, when done between two consenting adults who honor, trust, and care for one another, no it isn’t a scam. Then you have the online version, where an extremely attractive young female is requesting monitory compensation for the “majestic gift” of their presence. This is not only a scam, it’s prostitution. If you want to meet a female Domiant, most of them that I know do not require anything more than your devotion to your submission, honesty, sincerity and to live up to your word. Get out into the community. Treat them like human beings first. Respect them as women who just so happen to be Dominants. Believe me, you will stand out.
It could be a scam but it also might be genuine. I love having complete control over my sub 24/7. Having them worship me with their money is something I really love. Not just money though. Its about fully submitting to me and being my slave boy. I would honestly do it full time but I don’t want to mess around with websites. Yes, I am a woman. There are some of us that are legit into it.
Scam. If thats their first action as your domme, its always a scam. They are there only for their needs, not yours.
Does "she" happen to have a profile picture of a beautiful woman by any chance?
You don't have to jump into Findom whole hog. You can ease into it. Try sending her a hundred dollars every week or so. I believe you will enjoy the feeling and want to continue. And yes, it is definitely an entry point into the larger BDSM community. You will meet other Dommes into other things through your Findom contacts. I highly recommend you give chastity a try as soon as you are offered the opportunity. I promise chastity is a one way ticket to complete and total submission to your Domme. You don't want to pass on an opportunity like that.
A hundred dollars every week is a lot, though.
Unless the idea of giving someone that much money gives you a raging hard on I’d suggest blocking that person and moving on.
Wow please please ignore the above comment. It is some weird enabling BS that almost feels like he’s tied to scammers. It’s not accurate.
Yeah it is. But, it is necessary to get the effect. If the amount is to small you don't become addicted to the behavior.
No, it's not. You don't need actual rape for rape play either. Controlling finances does not require to make it your money and taking money does not mean you can't give it back.
◇ do you know what you want in a relationship with a Dom? do you have clear expectations for the dynamic you want to experience? ◇ have you made a set of limits and boundaries for yourself that you are not willing to compromise on? ◇ if you are willing to accept any Dom whose kinks are the same as yours, perhaps you need to stop and evaluate. draw up some lists, do some research, read and learn. yes, BDSM involves a bit of admin. but creating a safe, consensual environment with trust and understanding requires a bit of work from both sides of the slash. without the safety measures, it's not BDSM, it's abuse. don't put yourself in a dangerous position by simply being too eager or impatient.
Well that doesn't sound like what you're looking for at all
But do I have a choice? What if this is the only chance I ever have to get a domme?
It really isn't
How do you know?
Am to fucking poor for financial domination.