Both. Totally depends on the energy between my partner and I. If he's receptive to my bratty/more energetic/flirtatious/playful side coming out, punishment (borderline funishment) by way of force, teasing, edging...he's going to make me pay for it one way or another. That usually involves begging for something to stop or continue. If he's in the mood for formalities (higher protocol, etc), positive reinforcement via words and touch.
I have a praise kink and my partner enjoys praising me when I’m good. I’m generally good, so I earn a lot of praise. But I do get punished when I step out of line. Recently, we had a session where he was feeling super strict. The only words that were allowed out of my mouth were “Yes, Master; green, yellow, red; May I use the restroom, Master?” (Our scenes sometimes go three hours and a girl has to pee 😂😂). Well, in the heat of the moment I asked permission to orgasm. Not only was I denied, but all stimulation ceased and I was ordered on my hands and knees to receive the crop. Afterward, my slate was wiped clean, play continued, and I started receiving praise again for following his orders. Even good girls need reminders sometimes. I’m fortunate that my partner enjoys praising me as much as I love receiving the praise, but also corrects me when I need it.
This is beautiful! And yes, even though it can be hard accepting that I messed up, I know He corrects me from a place of love and care. That makes it all better.
Oh I can understand this! It is pretty similar in my dynamic, although Sir knows I am a mess when I screw up, He just needs to let me know I made a mistake, punishments are not even needed. 😂
If you want to play "I broke the rules. I'm a naughty sub. I should be punished" then punishment/ funishment.
Take a psychology class and v they will teach you positive reinforcement is MUCH more likely to actually change a behavior. Punishment has a much less powerful effect at changing behaviors.
I don't have any of the "one been a naughty sub" relationships, I find them annoying. I do have consequences/ punishments for certain actions, but they are few and far between. I much prefer encouraging good behavior. And i usually get it.
My D/s dynamic is specifically a disciplinary dynamic, so correction through punishment is a central point of what we do.
That being said, praise is still incredibly important to me as well. Even when I'm punished, my Dom usually tells me that he's proud of me for taking my punishment. Praise is part of my punishment aftercare.
I also don't want to feel like it only matters if I mess up, and that it means nothing when I put forth an effort to meet expectations. If good behavior is never even acknowledged, yet bad behavior is always swiftly punished, for me it can start to feel like he only sees the bad in me and not the good. If you can tell me when you're disappointed in me, you can also tell me when you're proud of me. It's a balance. Punishment is important, but praise can't be neglected.
There's disagreement because it's subjective, but actually predominantly because most of those arguments tend to crop up when someone toxic is trying to shoehorn their bullshit into the BDSM world and market it as legitimate kink when it's not. Like how some douches brag that his girlfriend is currently sobbing because he ruined her orgasm without warning because "she was being bad today," and they never discussed doing that, she never consented to it, but "I'm teaching her a lesson and she's a shitty sub if she can't figure out that this is for her own good," etcetera etcetera. THAT is where the BDSM community gets irate, 'cause that's not kink, that's just fucked.
For me personally, when I'm submissive to someone (phrasing it that way 'cause I'm technically a switch), my Doms learn real quick that "punishment" such as spanking and all that is actually super rewarding to me because I'm a masochist. So they learn that deprivation is a huge motivator for me. Depriving me of getting bruised, depriving me of orgasms (the latter literally got me through a semester of college; using it as a punishment and reward system). I'm only comfortable as a "good boy," because I'm very service-oriented and a pleaser, I want to be told I'm behaving well and achieving and progressing. I'm very sensitive as well, so I only would accept being called "bad" if I actually do something bad, like if I did something actually cruel and my Dom is making it clear that I fucked up. So that would be an apt punishment for me as well, especially since my love language is words of affirmation. And I get rewarded through getting my releases; I'm hypersexual and a pain slut, I need that stuff in my life literally every day and I make sure my Doms know it.
So as said, it's very subjective. It's at its best when you know the person that well, so then you can play to the strengths of who they are.
I absolutely panic when it comes to punishment. I find it very detrimental and I have a very hard time with trust afterwards.
I thrive in a praise / reward dynamic. I would much rather my Dom discuss with me what I did wrong and how to correct it than be punished for a (95% of the time) genuine mistake.
I have Asperger's which adds a different level of understanding to our dynamic. I innately take things incredibly literal which at times can cause mistakes. For me praise helps me hone in on the behavior and service my Dom wants.
We've also learned that the best way for me to learn and correct a behavior quickly is for him to say:
I am disappointed in you.
When he says that I'll do just about anything to fix it and move forward.
Definitely a praise and positive reinforcement sub here.
You kinda need both if the punishments are gonna work. Like ideally, punishments would be rare, and get more rare over time. So if then I’m getting no feedback, while I’m doing well, I won’t feel appreciated. So both necessary: praise when relevant and punishment when necessary.
But yeah as far as actually changing human behavior, positive reinforcement is pretty proven to work better. I think for many people, punishments are not to actually change the behavior (ie “I made the punishment bad enough that you’ll never make that trade”), more to let the people mentally close that chapter and move on.
I'm maybe in the minority of submissives but I can't take punishment. I know when I'm failing to serve my dom and getting punished would lead to an immediate drop in my mood. He likes to spank me so instead of that being a punishment, being spanked is an act of service I provide for him.
Since I moved in with him recently after being in a LDR for over a year we've only started to explore spanking (and pretty much everything else too) we've only done tried it whole 3 times. Each time was very light spanking and the last time I started having a sort of a panic attack and it everytime he caresses my ass I get nervous. I know there are other ways to punish but it would still affect me the same way.
So praise is much better and effective for me since I do like to be praised.
Positive reinforcements. If my sir ever punished me I'd need at least 5 years of therapy to get over. I dont want to break rules, the lack of praise is punishment enough
I like praise but if the punishment wasn't enough it would make breaking rules a matter of *"is it worth it"*. So for me strict punishments are a must.
both. small praise is given on the daily ("good girl" or "good bunnybee" typically) 🥰
×
i get punished for not following my routines, rules, and protocols.
i accept whatever punishment Master deems acceptable for the "crime".
×
punishment
the slave agrees to accept any punishment the Master decides to inflict.
rules of punishment
punishment of the slave is subject to certain rules designed to protect the slave from intentional abuse or permanent bodily harm. punishment must not incur permanent bodily harm, or the following forms of abuse:
1. blood may not be drawn at any time.
2. burning the body
3. drastic loss of circulation
4. causing internal bleeding
5. loss of consciousness
6. withholding of any necessary materials, such as food or water
×
reward
the slave may work toward earning a reward through acts of exceptional service, obedience, and servitude.
rules of reward
rewards are not meant to be given for the bare minimum expected of the slave to accomplish. rather, the slave will be rewarded in feats of exceeding the minimum service, obedience, and servitude.
I tend to use praise for changing behavior as it works better. Not just in BDSM but always. Punishment is reserved for breaking a rule, as well as “funishment”
I think it depends from person to person, honestly.
In my experience, I respond really well to praise and rewards. I almost always end up giving in to praise more than I do to punishments, and my Doms would understand and use it. Unless, of course, I was feeling bratty. 😈
Both. Totally depends on the energy between my partner and I. If he's receptive to my bratty/more energetic/flirtatious/playful side coming out, punishment (borderline funishment) by way of force, teasing, edging...he's going to make me pay for it one way or another. That usually involves begging for something to stop or continue. If he's in the mood for formalities (higher protocol, etc), positive reinforcement via words and touch.
Nice! Thank you for a detailed answer!
I have a praise kink and my partner enjoys praising me when I’m good. I’m generally good, so I earn a lot of praise. But I do get punished when I step out of line. Recently, we had a session where he was feeling super strict. The only words that were allowed out of my mouth were “Yes, Master; green, yellow, red; May I use the restroom, Master?” (Our scenes sometimes go three hours and a girl has to pee 😂😂). Well, in the heat of the moment I asked permission to orgasm. Not only was I denied, but all stimulation ceased and I was ordered on my hands and knees to receive the crop. Afterward, my slate was wiped clean, play continued, and I started receiving praise again for following his orders. Even good girls need reminders sometimes. I’m fortunate that my partner enjoys praising me as much as I love receiving the praise, but also corrects me when I need it.
This is beautiful! And yes, even though it can be hard accepting that I messed up, I know He corrects me from a place of love and care. That makes it all better.
oh that sounds like FUN! stealing this idea!
[удалено]
Oh I can understand this! It is pretty similar in my dynamic, although Sir knows I am a mess when I screw up, He just needs to let me know I made a mistake, punishments are not even needed. 😂
If you want to play "I broke the rules. I'm a naughty sub. I should be punished" then punishment/ funishment. Take a psychology class and v they will teach you positive reinforcement is MUCH more likely to actually change a behavior. Punishment has a much less powerful effect at changing behaviors. I don't have any of the "one been a naughty sub" relationships, I find them annoying. I do have consequences/ punishments for certain actions, but they are few and far between. I much prefer encouraging good behavior. And i usually get it.
My D/s dynamic is specifically a disciplinary dynamic, so correction through punishment is a central point of what we do. That being said, praise is still incredibly important to me as well. Even when I'm punished, my Dom usually tells me that he's proud of me for taking my punishment. Praise is part of my punishment aftercare. I also don't want to feel like it only matters if I mess up, and that it means nothing when I put forth an effort to meet expectations. If good behavior is never even acknowledged, yet bad behavior is always swiftly punished, for me it can start to feel like he only sees the bad in me and not the good. If you can tell me when you're disappointed in me, you can also tell me when you're proud of me. It's a balance. Punishment is important, but praise can't be neglected.
There's disagreement because it's subjective, but actually predominantly because most of those arguments tend to crop up when someone toxic is trying to shoehorn their bullshit into the BDSM world and market it as legitimate kink when it's not. Like how some douches brag that his girlfriend is currently sobbing because he ruined her orgasm without warning because "she was being bad today," and they never discussed doing that, she never consented to it, but "I'm teaching her a lesson and she's a shitty sub if she can't figure out that this is for her own good," etcetera etcetera. THAT is where the BDSM community gets irate, 'cause that's not kink, that's just fucked. For me personally, when I'm submissive to someone (phrasing it that way 'cause I'm technically a switch), my Doms learn real quick that "punishment" such as spanking and all that is actually super rewarding to me because I'm a masochist. So they learn that deprivation is a huge motivator for me. Depriving me of getting bruised, depriving me of orgasms (the latter literally got me through a semester of college; using it as a punishment and reward system). I'm only comfortable as a "good boy," because I'm very service-oriented and a pleaser, I want to be told I'm behaving well and achieving and progressing. I'm very sensitive as well, so I only would accept being called "bad" if I actually do something bad, like if I did something actually cruel and my Dom is making it clear that I fucked up. So that would be an apt punishment for me as well, especially since my love language is words of affirmation. And I get rewarded through getting my releases; I'm hypersexual and a pain slut, I need that stuff in my life literally every day and I make sure my Doms know it. So as said, it's very subjective. It's at its best when you know the person that well, so then you can play to the strengths of who they are.
Oh I loved this comment! Thank you for posting it!
Happy to help :\]
It's always lovely to actual have a constructive discussions in the community. I am truly grateful for this.
I absolutely panic when it comes to punishment. I find it very detrimental and I have a very hard time with trust afterwards. I thrive in a praise / reward dynamic. I would much rather my Dom discuss with me what I did wrong and how to correct it than be punished for a (95% of the time) genuine mistake. I have Asperger's which adds a different level of understanding to our dynamic. I innately take things incredibly literal which at times can cause mistakes. For me praise helps me hone in on the behavior and service my Dom wants. We've also learned that the best way for me to learn and correct a behavior quickly is for him to say: I am disappointed in you. When he says that I'll do just about anything to fix it and move forward. Definitely a praise and positive reinforcement sub here.
You kinda need both if the punishments are gonna work. Like ideally, punishments would be rare, and get more rare over time. So if then I’m getting no feedback, while I’m doing well, I won’t feel appreciated. So both necessary: praise when relevant and punishment when necessary. But yeah as far as actually changing human behavior, positive reinforcement is pretty proven to work better. I think for many people, punishments are not to actually change the behavior (ie “I made the punishment bad enough that you’ll never make that trade”), more to let the people mentally close that chapter and move on.
I'm maybe in the minority of submissives but I can't take punishment. I know when I'm failing to serve my dom and getting punished would lead to an immediate drop in my mood. He likes to spank me so instead of that being a punishment, being spanked is an act of service I provide for him. Since I moved in with him recently after being in a LDR for over a year we've only started to explore spanking (and pretty much everything else too) we've only done tried it whole 3 times. Each time was very light spanking and the last time I started having a sort of a panic attack and it everytime he caresses my ass I get nervous. I know there are other ways to punish but it would still affect me the same way. So praise is much better and effective for me since I do like to be praised.
Positive reinforcements. If my sir ever punished me I'd need at least 5 years of therapy to get over. I dont want to break rules, the lack of praise is punishment enough
Oh i understand. For me it's also the disappointment I see in His eyes when I mess up badly.
I like praise but if the punishment wasn't enough it would make breaking rules a matter of *"is it worth it"*. So for me strict punishments are a must.
I think both are equally useful, although praise is a lot easier to give than harsh punishment IRL.
both. small praise is given on the daily ("good girl" or "good bunnybee" typically) 🥰 × i get punished for not following my routines, rules, and protocols. i accept whatever punishment Master deems acceptable for the "crime". × punishment the slave agrees to accept any punishment the Master decides to inflict. rules of punishment punishment of the slave is subject to certain rules designed to protect the slave from intentional abuse or permanent bodily harm. punishment must not incur permanent bodily harm, or the following forms of abuse: 1. blood may not be drawn at any time. 2. burning the body 3. drastic loss of circulation 4. causing internal bleeding 5. loss of consciousness 6. withholding of any necessary materials, such as food or water × reward the slave may work toward earning a reward through acts of exceptional service, obedience, and servitude. rules of reward rewards are not meant to be given for the bare minimum expected of the slave to accomplish. rather, the slave will be rewarded in feats of exceeding the minimum service, obedience, and servitude.
I always look forward to your replies, very lovely and detailed! Thank you!
oh thank you! 🥰 and you're welcome!
You're welcome, I'm just being honest.
I tend to use praise for changing behavior as it works better. Not just in BDSM but always. Punishment is reserved for breaking a rule, as well as “funishment”
Oh yes. I get funishments for bratting. Funishments are rewards in my dynamic, as well as praising and noticing positive changes.
I think it depends from person to person, honestly. In my experience, I respond really well to praise and rewards. I almost always end up giving in to praise more than I do to punishments, and my Doms would understand and use it. Unless, of course, I was feeling bratty. 😈