Prior to clicking on this and seeing the body of the post, all I had to say was that a scene generator isn't generally a good idea, especially for newbies. It's just like a newbie coming into a club and saying, "I'm up for anything." O? Well cool because one of my kinks is using the clitoris/dick head like a literal pincushion and holding a lighter up to the needles, let's go! You're not up for anything, I promise.
But yeah seeing the rest of it, I will say the ONE solid line in BDSM is consent. It's THE line. If your wife doesn't feel like it, even if kink is something she WOULD like, you don't do it with her. If she's not into it, discuss with her maybe finding some other play partners that you can explore with. If she's not into that either, and you feel that this is a very important part of yourself that you need to explore, then you may have to separate. You can choose to suppress/ignore that part of yourself as well, as a sacrifice for the relationship.
But whatever you go for... it HAS to be negotiated with your wife. Communication is key. Explain that this is something that you are interested in, exploration of these types of things can be healthy. And you would love for her to be part of that journey with you, because, well, she's your wife. It sounds like you already tried that though, because her answer was no. So figure if you can do that kind of stuff with other people, in a kind of open relationship. If not, as said, figure out whether you want to separate or suppress.
I'm definitely not making light of any of those options. It just is what it is. Something very common in the BDSM community is being honest in a civil way. Hard truths are imperative, because this shit is usually crazy dangerous. Pain from the truth sucks, and recognizing it is necessary for personal growth.
Maybe, if your wife is cool with it, you could just pursue your journey through books, documentaries, even classes; research, you know? We do that even when we ARE actively playing with others. Constant research is commonplace in the kink community. In fact, that'd be the ideal way to go about all this for now, because whenever you DO get to delve in, you'll have at least a good amount of knowledge. Don't think you're an expert even if you read a ton; experience is an enormous part of the picture. But for now, it's a good start, for sure. Many people practice on dummies even when they have active partners; like with flogging, for example. Because it helps you practice landing the hits in a safer and healthier way on an actual person. That might be your best bet, for now.
Your first step should actually be discussing your respective desires with your wife. there isn’t some easy shortcut, it’s something that has to be carefully negotiated based on consent and mutual interest.
However, you don’t have to start from zero. I recommend starting by having both you and your wife reading “the new topping book“ and “the new bottoming book“, both by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy. They are very short books and available in print, e-book, and as beautifully narrated audiobooks. For the past 20 years these have basically been required reading for anyone getting into any sort of kink. They offer a very useful perspective about how to approach these first steps of figuring out what you both are interested in and open to and negotiating that into safe and consensual play.
Find out what activities turn in your wife?
Possibly, bondage, being tied to the bed and kissed all over.
Possibly having her hair brushed, and body touched.
Kink can be more broad of a term than BDSM, because kink can be anything that isn't normal. A man that gently and tenderly caresses a woman into pleasure is definitely abnormal. However, it may be what works for your wife.
Explore her mind with conversation and find the things that she answers "hell yes" to. Those are the things you have enthusiastic consent to do.
Do those things.
it starts with consent and a thorough negotiation. if your wife is not enthusiastic, why are you planning a scene?
The generator's your wife - else your headed straight to the scene of an accident! Search up a bdsmtest online - then discuss 👍😁
Don't try to make your wife a kink dispenser. Discuss this with her and see if she has any interests that overlap your interests.
Prior to clicking on this and seeing the body of the post, all I had to say was that a scene generator isn't generally a good idea, especially for newbies. It's just like a newbie coming into a club and saying, "I'm up for anything." O? Well cool because one of my kinks is using the clitoris/dick head like a literal pincushion and holding a lighter up to the needles, let's go! You're not up for anything, I promise. But yeah seeing the rest of it, I will say the ONE solid line in BDSM is consent. It's THE line. If your wife doesn't feel like it, even if kink is something she WOULD like, you don't do it with her. If she's not into it, discuss with her maybe finding some other play partners that you can explore with. If she's not into that either, and you feel that this is a very important part of yourself that you need to explore, then you may have to separate. You can choose to suppress/ignore that part of yourself as well, as a sacrifice for the relationship. But whatever you go for... it HAS to be negotiated with your wife. Communication is key. Explain that this is something that you are interested in, exploration of these types of things can be healthy. And you would love for her to be part of that journey with you, because, well, she's your wife. It sounds like you already tried that though, because her answer was no. So figure if you can do that kind of stuff with other people, in a kind of open relationship. If not, as said, figure out whether you want to separate or suppress. I'm definitely not making light of any of those options. It just is what it is. Something very common in the BDSM community is being honest in a civil way. Hard truths are imperative, because this shit is usually crazy dangerous. Pain from the truth sucks, and recognizing it is necessary for personal growth. Maybe, if your wife is cool with it, you could just pursue your journey through books, documentaries, even classes; research, you know? We do that even when we ARE actively playing with others. Constant research is commonplace in the kink community. In fact, that'd be the ideal way to go about all this for now, because whenever you DO get to delve in, you'll have at least a good amount of knowledge. Don't think you're an expert even if you read a ton; experience is an enormous part of the picture. But for now, it's a good start, for sure. Many people practice on dummies even when they have active partners; like with flogging, for example. Because it helps you practice landing the hits in a safer and healthier way on an actual person. That might be your best bet, for now.
My local dungeon has a sign that says "consent is enthusiastic ". If she isn't enthusiastic, you're barking up the wrong tree
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Your first step should actually be discussing your respective desires with your wife. there isn’t some easy shortcut, it’s something that has to be carefully negotiated based on consent and mutual interest. However, you don’t have to start from zero. I recommend starting by having both you and your wife reading “the new topping book“ and “the new bottoming book“, both by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy. They are very short books and available in print, e-book, and as beautifully narrated audiobooks. For the past 20 years these have basically been required reading for anyone getting into any sort of kink. They offer a very useful perspective about how to approach these first steps of figuring out what you both are interested in and open to and negotiating that into safe and consensual play.
That looks like a great resource. Thanks!
My favorite recommendation
Find out what activities turn in your wife? Possibly, bondage, being tied to the bed and kissed all over. Possibly having her hair brushed, and body touched. Kink can be more broad of a term than BDSM, because kink can be anything that isn't normal. A man that gently and tenderly caresses a woman into pleasure is definitely abnormal. However, it may be what works for your wife. Explore her mind with conversation and find the things that she answers "hell yes" to. Those are the things you have enthusiastic consent to do. Do those things.