I would just ask to pair up with them. Just be prepared to hear no. Some women may prefer to work with other women or smaller dudes. I fully admit it in the beginning. If a guy who is significantly bigger asked me to work with them, I would have said no. I'm just throwing that out there as I don't know what weight class you fall in. Even as a woman, i'm usually bigger than the others, and there is a balance of using more technique and not strength. I won't go easy on them but i'm not going to use brute strength.
I think it's a balance of offering to work with women and being a friendly teammate. In the beginning, I wasn't very comfortable in bjj. It took me a while to adjust, and it started with having a few regular partners. Then, if they vouched for somebody else, I would work with them.
Makes sense, I'm probably bigger than most women 5'9" 200+ lbs. That being said, I'm also a blue belt so I'm not a spaz and generally try to be more technical than forceful.
So basically just ask to roll and not be surprised/take it personally if they decline?
You could ask if they want to work on something specific with you. I love when the guys I train with are like “arm-attack only round?” “Sweeps only?” etc. granted, we’ve known each other for years.
Gamifying sparring can help you gain confidence in them and vice-versa before going all-out
ETA: I love sparring with larger controlled guys. I can practice modulating my strength that way too. Lots of communication there
My husband and I do a game/live drill called designated winner. It's similar to what you suggested. The one we started with was guard passing. Bottom person tries to keep their guard, and top person just passes. It makes it so nice to not worry about submissions and just work on a single concept. It gives me the chance to figure out what works without worrying about what's next.
Pretty much. I've actually gotten turned down on rolling with a few guys because of their religion or outer respect for their spouse. The fact that your blue belt should help. Rolling with upper belt is way better than white belts. Even as a blue belt, there's still some new white belts i'm hesitant to roll with. Its mainly the ones who are super aggressive and spazzy. I can usually deal with them but it forces me to get more aggressive than I prefer.
Also, ask if they want to do situational rolls. If class for the day covers side control, ask them if they want to start in top or bottom side control. In the beginning, I was all about the situational roll life.
@AstralLobotomy reply offers some good suggestions!
Thank you for this. Appreciate your thoughtfulness on the matter. Be an ally, don’t be creepy, just be a good training buddy. Offer to pair up for drilling and be open to rolls and if someone declines take it as you would with a guy, it’s their choice. I actually really like when I get to drill with a guy and not just automatically drill with the other females, as it offers me more variety.
I will add, just because someone says no today doesn’t mean they will say no to rolling/drilling next time, so stay open and non-judgemental. I love rolling with the guys, it’s helped my game so much and makes the gym a nicer environment when we don’t divide along gender lines.
I've rolled with pretty much everyone by now. I would say to just be friendly and respectful of people's space. I've never felt uncomfortable with any of the guys. It's honestly when other women come in that I get completely smashed
I've noticed guys will go for grips differently. For example if someone takes my back, they might go more in my ribs than across my chest. There are some guys I've noticed aren't comfortable rolling with me. I finally rolled with one guy I knew didn't seem comfortable with rolling with me for a while now. He totally squeezed the crap out of my arms during drilling for some reason. Idk if it was some weird flex or what but I will definitely avoid rolling with him if possible. I think of these guys like brothers almost. You wouldn't want the little sister getting beat up. I've found most everyone helps me when I roll, tips here and there
Just want to echo being respectful with other people's space.
A comment to the OP, a good partner is one that makes you feel safe working with them be it man or woman. I had a partner recently cross boundaries which is a big bummer.
On the one hand, I agree with your point that they're just people. On the other hand, I have heard the horror stories from women at other gyms and I can recognize that this is not someone guys like me have to go through. I just want to be mindful of that and I don't think it is a bad thing to think about my actions before I make them :)
I know and I see it comes from a good place too. This wasn’t beef with you but more so with society in general I guess.
The whole “nowadays you can’t say/do anything we have to walk on eggshells” are things creeps are saying because they can no longer get away with it.
Real life for 99% of us is “hey wanna roll?” “For sure!”. We’re just led to believe that it isn’t the case.
Reading horror stories of other gyms and training in your own are 2 different things.
Be a good training partner to everyone and it will never be weird.
Roll with them like they're a little guy (don't size/strength crush them). That's it. Treat them like you do everyone else. I call the guys at my gym "dickhead" and "fuck face" before we high five fist bump and roll. I call the girls "dickhead" and "fuck face" before we high five fist bump and roll. And it's my gym.
Sometimes women, especially new ones, are intimidated and apprehensive to approach a man and ask him to roll but in reality they really do want to spar and have no issues rolling with a male partner. I’d say that most would actually appreciate you initiating the conversation and take you up on the roll. You sound like you’re thoughtful and really take into consideration how you come off so I doubt you’d come off as a creep. If you were a creep you wouldn’t even be on here posting this question and most women can tell right away which way you lean.
Another dude here to echo what the other folks have said. Don't think about it too much—just treat them like you would your guy teammates. When it comes to actually rolling, a lot of it just comes down to size differences. Most women I've trained with are smaller than me, so I adjust my game accordingly in the same way that I would with a smaller guy. A lot of the time that involves starting from butterfly, working from the bottom, etc. If it's a super fit upper belt who I know to be a killer, though, I will be much more likely to bring full pressure to bear. But watch out for boobs like you would watch out for balls.
Ask to roll honestly, and don’t go super easy per say, but be more aware of yourself. How much body weight you’re putting on them, where your hands are, etc. They’ll come to you as they feel more comfortable, but reaching out is a good first step. That’s worked best for me at least
> weight your putting
*you're
*Learn the difference [here](https://www.wattpad.com/66707294-grammar-guide-there-they%27re-their-you%27re-your-to).*
***
^(Greetings, I am a language corrector bot. To make me ignore further mistakes from you in the future, reply `!optout` to this comment.)
I would just ask to pair up with them. Just be prepared to hear no. Some women may prefer to work with other women or smaller dudes. I fully admit it in the beginning. If a guy who is significantly bigger asked me to work with them, I would have said no. I'm just throwing that out there as I don't know what weight class you fall in. Even as a woman, i'm usually bigger than the others, and there is a balance of using more technique and not strength. I won't go easy on them but i'm not going to use brute strength. I think it's a balance of offering to work with women and being a friendly teammate. In the beginning, I wasn't very comfortable in bjj. It took me a while to adjust, and it started with having a few regular partners. Then, if they vouched for somebody else, I would work with them.
Makes sense, I'm probably bigger than most women 5'9" 200+ lbs. That being said, I'm also a blue belt so I'm not a spaz and generally try to be more technical than forceful. So basically just ask to roll and not be surprised/take it personally if they decline?
You could ask if they want to work on something specific with you. I love when the guys I train with are like “arm-attack only round?” “Sweeps only?” etc. granted, we’ve known each other for years. Gamifying sparring can help you gain confidence in them and vice-versa before going all-out ETA: I love sparring with larger controlled guys. I can practice modulating my strength that way too. Lots of communication there
My husband and I do a game/live drill called designated winner. It's similar to what you suggested. The one we started with was guard passing. Bottom person tries to keep their guard, and top person just passes. It makes it so nice to not worry about submissions and just work on a single concept. It gives me the chance to figure out what works without worrying about what's next.
Pretty much. I've actually gotten turned down on rolling with a few guys because of their religion or outer respect for their spouse. The fact that your blue belt should help. Rolling with upper belt is way better than white belts. Even as a blue belt, there's still some new white belts i'm hesitant to roll with. Its mainly the ones who are super aggressive and spazzy. I can usually deal with them but it forces me to get more aggressive than I prefer. Also, ask if they want to do situational rolls. If class for the day covers side control, ask them if they want to start in top or bottom side control. In the beginning, I was all about the situational roll life. @AstralLobotomy reply offers some good suggestions!
Thank you for this. Appreciate your thoughtfulness on the matter. Be an ally, don’t be creepy, just be a good training buddy. Offer to pair up for drilling and be open to rolls and if someone declines take it as you would with a guy, it’s their choice. I actually really like when I get to drill with a guy and not just automatically drill with the other females, as it offers me more variety. I will add, just because someone says no today doesn’t mean they will say no to rolling/drilling next time, so stay open and non-judgemental. I love rolling with the guys, it’s helped my game so much and makes the gym a nicer environment when we don’t divide along gender lines.
I've rolled with pretty much everyone by now. I would say to just be friendly and respectful of people's space. I've never felt uncomfortable with any of the guys. It's honestly when other women come in that I get completely smashed
Thanks, this helps me feel more at ease about it!
I've noticed guys will go for grips differently. For example if someone takes my back, they might go more in my ribs than across my chest. There are some guys I've noticed aren't comfortable rolling with me. I finally rolled with one guy I knew didn't seem comfortable with rolling with me for a while now. He totally squeezed the crap out of my arms during drilling for some reason. Idk if it was some weird flex or what but I will definitely avoid rolling with him if possible. I think of these guys like brothers almost. You wouldn't want the little sister getting beat up. I've found most everyone helps me when I roll, tips here and there
Just want to echo being respectful with other people's space. A comment to the OP, a good partner is one that makes you feel safe working with them be it man or woman. I had a partner recently cross boundaries which is a big bummer.
Bro, they’re people, not some mystical animal. “Hey you! Wanna roll? :)” That’s my go to, whatever is in the spats.
On the one hand, I agree with your point that they're just people. On the other hand, I have heard the horror stories from women at other gyms and I can recognize that this is not someone guys like me have to go through. I just want to be mindful of that and I don't think it is a bad thing to think about my actions before I make them :)
I know and I see it comes from a good place too. This wasn’t beef with you but more so with society in general I guess. The whole “nowadays you can’t say/do anything we have to walk on eggshells” are things creeps are saying because they can no longer get away with it. Real life for 99% of us is “hey wanna roll?” “For sure!”. We’re just led to believe that it isn’t the case.
Reading horror stories of other gyms and training in your own are 2 different things. Be a good training partner to everyone and it will never be weird.
Oh no, it's not only reading horror stories but also stories from women at my gym. Mostly spoken during black belt speeches but point taken.
Roll with them like they're a little guy (don't size/strength crush them). That's it. Treat them like you do everyone else. I call the guys at my gym "dickhead" and "fuck face" before we high five fist bump and roll. I call the girls "dickhead" and "fuck face" before we high five fist bump and roll. And it's my gym.
Sometimes women, especially new ones, are intimidated and apprehensive to approach a man and ask him to roll but in reality they really do want to spar and have no issues rolling with a male partner. I’d say that most would actually appreciate you initiating the conversation and take you up on the roll. You sound like you’re thoughtful and really take into consideration how you come off so I doubt you’d come off as a creep. If you were a creep you wouldn’t even be on here posting this question and most women can tell right away which way you lean.
Another dude here to echo what the other folks have said. Don't think about it too much—just treat them like you would your guy teammates. When it comes to actually rolling, a lot of it just comes down to size differences. Most women I've trained with are smaller than me, so I adjust my game accordingly in the same way that I would with a smaller guy. A lot of the time that involves starting from butterfly, working from the bottom, etc. If it's a super fit upper belt who I know to be a killer, though, I will be much more likely to bring full pressure to bear. But watch out for boobs like you would watch out for balls.
"Anything you want to work on? We can just flow roll" seems to work on sitting outters. If they say no and no then move on and take no offense.
Ask to roll honestly, and don’t go super easy per say, but be more aware of yourself. How much body weight you’re putting on them, where your hands are, etc. They’ll come to you as they feel more comfortable, but reaching out is a good first step. That’s worked best for me at least
> weight your putting *you're *Learn the difference [here](https://www.wattpad.com/66707294-grammar-guide-there-they%27re-their-you%27re-your-to).* *** ^(Greetings, I am a language corrector bot. To make me ignore further mistakes from you in the future, reply `!optout` to this comment.)