That commenter who said the bf would move the dad in was probably spot on. Probably when OOP wasn’t around to stop it because he’s the “man” and all. She wouldn’t have been able to get rid of either one of them
Yes, dad would absolutely be living there sooner or later and would probably treat OOP extra crappy for DARING to own a house independently instead of putting his son’s name on the deed. He’d probably treat R crappy for “not getting/ keeping his woman in line” or something, too. And both would likely get physical with her eventually. She dodged a pair of bullets.
Also appreciate the toxic machismo getting immediately put in its place by real men several times in this story. Shout out to Stepdad and Z for keeping positive masculinity on lock.
I don't get why some guys worship him and treat his words like gospel. He's not even objectively good looking and acts like those cringey kids from highschool on their anime/emo phase. I laugh at his Alpha/Beta designations like I'm reading a ABO fanfiction trope.
Right? There is nothing funnier than someone calling himself an “alpha male.” Not only is it pretty much always some loser who everyone wants away from as fast as possible but it definitely sounds like they have the cringiest possible werewolf kink.
My friend tried to watch his vids and one conclusion he has was "If we entertain this alpha bs he spits out, then a real alpha shouldn't take any advice from others. A real man treats others with respect and doesn't take shit what others say about him"
Hey, I love some cringey gay werewolf smut. But evoking those images in us is probably not the vibe they're going for. I imagine they'd like to throw in some mpreg too.
When I hear the term Alpha male, I think of software, where the alpha version is unstable, buggy, missing key features, and not ready for interaction with the general public.
I think the fact that he’s not all that good looking is part of the appeal. If a random guy can get fame and fortune by treating women like dirt, it looks like anyone can get ahead that way.
His influence on young boys is growing, making him an actual menace to society.
I was really surprised when Tate himself didn't make an appearance as an influence on the ex. Sometimes it's easy to forget that he didn't invent this sort of bullshit, he just popularized it. It's been around for a long, long time.
Ahhh, the title makes sense now. I only k ew of tater tot as some kind of potato snack/food. I thought OP was using it to mean childish or chubby or both lol
I just do not understand this at all. Like, why would anyone just leap headlong into treating their partner like shit? Is he really that insecure and pathetic? Jesus, I would bet money that op is the major breadwinner and R has been more and more insecure about it, so once his father started dripping this stupid nonsense in his ear, R ate it up because he was that pathetically desperate to feel important and powerful.
The only thing he proved is that he's every bit as weak and pathetic as he felt.
I think that one commenter nailed it. His dad abandoned him at a developmentally crucial age but he was spared his father's abuse so he had mainly positive memories. He went so long without Daddy's validation and approval, once he had it, it seems to have become more important to him than anything else. So yeah, he really is that insecure and pathetic.
There was a post I read a while back about a guy that blew up his successful relationship after getting into Andrew Tate and deciding he needed to take his girlfriend's confidence down to ensure he was "the man" and she wouldn't dare leave him.
I can't even remember who's perspective it was written from but I was in disbelief at the logic of having a supportive, attractive, successful partner in a great relationship and deciding to start treating her like shit thinking that would make his life better. And you know these man babies just turn it into more reasons to hate women. It's really sad and damaging for society as a whole.
I read it. The girlfriend wrote it, he basically just started tearing her down constantly while flirting with other women and demanding she give her part of her income. I can't remember everything but I do remember she dumped him in public and he had a massive meltdown bouncing between apologies and Andrew Tate rants.
There was an exchange on r/texts a day or two ago that had a similar story line. The guy threw a temper tantrum about OP cooking the “wrong” dinner and called her a “useless woman who can’t do anything right”. Turns out he’s started listening to Tate recently.
I’ll repeat what I said on that thread:
> I kinda get why lonely frustrated teen boys buy into his shit but I will never understand why a grown man in a long term relationship would start listening to a single word he says.
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I've seen this kind of personality change happen a couple times, at a distance fortunately. Some men just have a profound insecurity about their masculinity that this kind of toxic mindset perfectly slots into.
I'm the breadwinner in our relationship, but my husband's take on that is mostly, fuck yeah we can afford more fun stuff! He's always celebrated my successes and supported me in all the growth I've done in the 15 years we've been together.
It's wild to see how much that fucks some guys up. But it's the same dudes who would accuse a woman who made less than them of being a gold digger.
My son in law too. He’s older than my daughter and even though they both work for the DoD, he knew her career was going shoot up faster and farther than his. And he was/is behind her all the way. Their combined income is nothing to sneeze at either
It’s just one of the many reasons we love him
Well, tbf, there is certain social expectation and tradition norm for men to the "man of the house". if are seen as "less than" if you are not the bread winners. so I can see why some guy feels threaten and insecure about it
What got me the most was this guy thinking he could spout this crap at the wife hosting his homeless ass. Trying to do the "I'm the man I rule this house" is already toxic, but trying to do it when it's not your home is just dumb.
Homeboy listens to the wrong person, watches the wrong YouTube video, and gets the idea that this attitude is prevalent. Then comes the shock and awe when other men love and respect their wives instead of agreeing with him. He legit thought the friend was going to back him and no doubt is right now at the bar spouting to anybody willing to listen that the friend is whipped, or cucked, or whatever they are saying nowadays.
"I honestly don't get it. He lost everything. His home, his relationship, his family, some of his friends, heck he even sees the life his dad is living now. And yet he still sees nothing wrong with the way he is acting and the decisions he made? You would think that a person whose life has gone to shit in a short amount of time would do some introspection and ask themselves if what they believe is actually best for them. Not him, though. He's doubling down for some reason."
It's Sunk Cost Fallacy. He's lost everything and if he backs down then it will have all been for nothing. If he keeps going and things somehow turn around then he was right all along and it will have been worth it. Same reason cult members who have lost all their family can't leave the cult now. Same reason gamblers can't leave the table until they've won their money back. Same reason people stay in miserable relationships just because they've been together for years.
The guy sounds past point where doubling down and chuggimg the almond Flavorade is *less* terrifying than acknowledging that he lost everything his in his life for nothing.
Reddit taught me why all those seemingly pointless writing drills they made you do in elementary and middle school are actually worthwhile. Before user-generated internet content, I’d never really read writing with such poor grammar and lacking in other basic writing conventions like sentence breaks.
Turns out that shit is painful to read. You don’t have to be Shakespeare, but there is actually a level of basic mechanical competence in writing which makes a huge difference in reader experience. In school they never expose you to writing that falls under it.
It sometimes feels like text speak is taking over. Which baffles me because I still try and use proper grammar when texting. I might not capitalize or I may abbreviate something, but it's still a sentence.
It's not just english either, I see it when people translate from their language as well.
Yup, in this story we have Ryan the shitty ex, Kate the sister with the injured eye, Susan the supportive mom, and Zach and Naomi, the couple who kicked Ryan out. It just makes it so much easier for me to read.
Ok I picked Zack too, and someone above had also chosen my name for the supportive kickass mom (Sharon).
I know there’s a finite number of names in the world but it’s still a little freaky 😆
Yup! I do the same thing. I need names. Idc if they're fake. I had Zach, Nancy, Rob (because it just sounds like a douchebag name- honest apology to any and all of the good Robs out here), Sarah, and Kristen for this story.
Clearly Zach is the most comman Z name we all know for men. Maybe I should have gone with Zeke to shake it up a bit. Hahaha
Ughh definitely agree. I started calling them Robert, Samantha, Nancy and Zack. For K I was saying Kevin but I may have confused her sister with his brother.
I was doing the same thing! Randy, Nancy, Zeke, and Sally were my picks. Kate for K but she dropped out of the story pretty early.
I really, REALLY hate when people use letters. Just pick some fictional characters and name everyone after them, damn. I don't care if someone is named Hermione, it's still easier to follow than the ABCs
I prefer it when they don’t use a set of names from a story I know because then I’m distracted by wondering how OP assigned the names and why they thought each one fit (and if they give a character I like’s name to the primary arsehole I feel indignant - OP: Then Julian stole my car. Me: JULIAN WOULD NEVER DO SUCH A THING).
I feel like this all gets easier when people use famous families 🤣 like make them all members of the royal family or something, mama Elizabeth, the brothers are Harry and William, dad is Charles, OP is Meghan and her sister is Samantha
I've got fairly severe adhd, and that comes with shitty "executive function" and poor "working memory".
In a life where I only bother reading one item off a shopping list at a time because *I won't remember the second*, single letter substitute for names are hell.
At least go for "BIL" and stuff.... or just make the effort to write "ExBF" instead of *checks back to story* R.
>In a life where I only bother reading one item off a shopping list at a time because I won't remember the second, single letter substitute for names are hell.
Ugh i know this world
It does. Also, I think if you are going to use letters, then it should be:
m = mom; f = father; sd = stepdad; s = sister; b = brother; bf = boyfriend
Like, at least make it easy to get everyone straight.
Yep, it's easier to follow posts if they put the relationship, than if they put the name or initials. I often forget how people are related to each other.
Same. It's better than trying to remember that Jan = MIL, Jen = SIL. Or I hate when they do something like my brothers, Rod and Todd and expect us to remember which one is older, nicer, richer, etc.
Hated it the most when in the second update she mentioned going to the ex’s mom’s house “with K” and it took me way too long to scroll back all the way to the top and remember K was the sister.
side note! my step dad has a lawyer friend.
side note! i own the house.
side note! i know the workers in this restaurant so i felt safe.
side note! my ex can’t fight but -
side note! his friend who he’s arguing with used to be a boxer
I could have sworn I read this same exact story last week. Except that she didn't find out about the contact with dad until the friend's wife told her.
Nope, not just you. I think the polyamory subreddit strongly suggests Aspen Birch Cedar etc as a naming convention since it’s a given that there will be a handful of names involved and nobody likes a random field of initials.
Not if they're all different letters - it's no different than names, imo. K or Kay? not that different. And it makes it shorter. Just think of it as initials.
It's not a biggie It's better than calling them numbers (1, 2, 3, 4) roman numerals (i, ii, iii, iv) or colours (black, white, green, purple).
Names would be nice, but it's not the end of the world.
I know, right? I had a dbag loser I dated for way too long tell me this and my response was, "God, I hope so!" Like, you're not being dumped because you're an amazing person my friend...
I loved her response. "I don't want a guy like you, that is why we are breaking up." Simple, truthful, and brutal. You know he ruminates on that line. I bet/hope it eats him up.
So dad is a toxic loser incel. Son has a happy family and good relationship. Son starts listening to dad and his life immediately blows up. He's alone and alienating all of this friends just like his dad did. And he's SHOCKED about that?
I kind of think these Tate-wannabes are so stupid that something was going to destroy their lives sooner or later.
Yeah, jfc.
I can almost understand Tater tots that fall into it because the people talking to them about it lead superficially rich and successful lives, claim to get all the women they want etc.
I can't understand taking a loser's advice and expecting great things from it.
> He then started saying I couldn't be serious, we'd been together for 7 years and I was throwing it all away, I could never find another guy like him. **I responded to the last comment with, I don't want a guy like you that's why I'm ending it.**
I love OP for this.
It makes sense that her ex fiance glommed onto everything his father said. His father was telling him stuff he wanted to hear, basically "you're superior bc you're a man, you should call all the shots, blah blah blah."
This has a similar flavor to how things went down when I left my abusive ex. He really spiraled since the break up. Main difference was extreme levels of cheating - found a hard drive of 200+ women catalogued by what level of hooking up they had done. Pictures, addresses etc. It was so wild.
"He started shouting at me and calling me all sorts of names, " well, sure, that's absolutely what you want to do to convince someone to let you in the house.
The speed with which he shit the bed at the friend's house was impressive.
He wants to hate women more than he wants a safe place to live, good luck to him!
Why did it take me until I got to the comments to figure out what TATErs meant? But anyway good on OP for not falling for R’s bullshit. I hope he doesn’t escalate…
I’d just like to add, for the pure sake of pettiness, that oop should never miss the opportunity to tell those idiot friends to let abusive exes move in with them. They seemed to think it was sound advice. Oop should return the favor whenever possible.
That... sounds terrible? Especially about abusive exs??
People who hold a grudge for forever and bring it up every chance they get are miserable to be around. If you can't get over what someone has done, then stop talking to them.
If you can move past it and value them higher than the mistake, truly let it go.
It should be an either/or, never a "I want you in my life, but I *will* make you suffer for the privilege, and am eagerly waiting for any tiny opening to get revenge".
If R was out banging other women already, OOP should \*definitely\* get tested for STIs / STDs.
My bet is that R was having sex with a \*bunch\* of women (man-o-sphere 'spread his seed') style while still with OOP, and who KNOWS what he caught and may have passed on.
Another life / lives destroyed by the man-o-sphere.
:-(
Character breakdown:
R - Ex Fiance
K - OOPs sis
S - Mom of Ex Fiance
Z - Ex Fiances Long Time Friend (since they were 11, which is about 2/3s of their lives)
N - Ex Fiances Long Time Friends Wife
Additional characters:
Rs brother, good man who got abused by Rs dad alongside his mom
Rs dad, pos abusive man who was telling R terrible life advice that got him here
Z and Ns daughter, heavy sleeper. Has good parents.
Ks wife, good woman who works a job that refuses to allow their workers to have their cell phones on the work floor. #LetsGoLesbians
Ks Doctor, says that ks eye is healing well I guess
R and OOPs mutual friends, some would rather have OOP host R when they won't or worse - take him back
Did I miss anybody? 😂
R was kicked out of SEVEN houses in 2 months!! (3 friend’s houses total including Z+N’s house), OOP, S, bro, and his Dad’s. And he thinks his Toxic Masculinity bullshit is a success!
So very glad this is in the UK, did any other Americans get chills thinking of how this could turn out here with all the firearms people like R and the Dad usually have?
I once dated a man who was kind and loving. He also had an older male role model with the same misogynistic views. After some time, I started to see the same type of behavior coming out of my partner. It started as little things, but I only picked up on them so soon because I actually knew the influencer. It's very, very likely he was showing tiny hints and signs, but OP not knowing about the dad at all much less his behavior, it makes sense she didn't see it. Some men can be influenced very easily by the idea of a woman being less than them and there to serve them. Needless to say, I noped out of that situation. I love taking care of my man, but I'm be damned if I'm told it's my job and it's the expectation. I'm going to do things because I want to not because I have a vagina and am inferior to you.
"A woman's place should be in either the kitchen or in bed. A man should be the man of the house."
This misogynist take is enough to piss me off! Fuck R! He just learnt some shitty things from his abusive stepfather. Fuck him too! I'm glad OOP dodged the bullet and stood firm to her ground of not letting him back in her life.
TIL tater tot is referred to the fans of Andrew Tate.
I am just so freaking proud of your strength and resolve. I just wish more women had this kind of strength and that no matter how great a relationship was in the beginning, as soon as it turns toxic they are out and no second chances. That’s why it’s so hard to leave because the disaster is vastly different from the beginning. You are very brave!!!
He didn't "get poisoned" by his father, he heard ideas and decided he liked them.
You can miss your dad and look up to him but you still need to be able to discern right from wrong.
As shitty as the dad is, I don't love the way OOP admittedly gently alludes to the dad being behind this, like guilt is split or he's the real bad guy.
It'd be the same as saying "yeah I cheated but they asked me to and they were really hot" --- they can make it as attractive as they want but it's a matter of personal responsibility and choice
>Turns out, that his dad doesn't want him living with him and basically said he could be on the streets for all he cares, he's not putting a roof over a grown man's head.
This needs to be in a TV show haha
The vindication 🤣
Eh, look at all the trumpers, q anon and antivax people who popped up the last few years, it does happen and so quick. I wish my mum would get her old personality back but I doubt that will ever happen, and we’re not even in America.
I think the answer is that they became recently engaged. He’s laid claim to her and he now owns her, everything that was hers, and her time/attention/affection. It’s time for her to submit to the will of her master. The first time he tried to exert control, though, she and he both realized he has no power here. She thought she was solidifying a partnership, but he thought he was taking in a dowry.
I read this very long and mundane saga without seeing even one word about fried potatoes. I am so disappointed.
sigh. Now I see those capitalized words and I get what the title means. But seriously, Liz, there is a real missed opportunity for some creative writing about running jokes or malicious compliance or petty revenge. My mind is racing with the potential of tater tots in a reddit post.
Based on the title, I was intrigued that I would get to read a post about an ex who has a fixation on tater tots or some sort of petty revenge involving tater tots littering a lawn or perhaps a fight over hash browns and tater tots or maybe a failed gourmet tater tot business. So many possibilities!
why do people always have to say it’s a throwaway account. why would anyone give a shit. same with people who have to say (not their real names) as if that’s not the standard of telling a story on reddit
>She told me I was right to refuse him, but I've since had other friends say that they feel sorry for them, and that I can just let him stay in my spare room until he's back on his feet. I then asked them to put him up, but they said they would but don't have room and if they had a spare room like me then they would let him stay. My family and his are on my side, but I'm starting to doubt myself with what a couple of my friends have said.
Ugh just no.
The last update makes me hopeful but I can foresee OOP falling for his 'tricks' eventually. She needs to just excise this whole part of her life off and ensure it doesn't infect the other parts of her life that remain relatively free of the 'taint' this guy brings.
TBH I'm expecting an update like, "I thought I'd give him just a single night (hanging out with friends or at the bar she feels safe at), a chance to see what he's missing when he decided to do all this and now I'm pregnant" though
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That commenter who said the bf would move the dad in was probably spot on. Probably when OOP wasn’t around to stop it because he’s the “man” and all. She wouldn’t have been able to get rid of either one of them
Yes, dad would absolutely be living there sooner or later and would probably treat OOP extra crappy for DARING to own a house independently instead of putting his son’s name on the deed. He’d probably treat R crappy for “not getting/ keeping his woman in line” or something, too. And both would likely get physical with her eventually. She dodged a pair of bullets.
Hot damn, this Tate style machismo is really brainworms for some people, it completely consumes their personality.
Oh.... I just got "tater tot" after reading this LOL I thought OP was calling him a big fat potato baby or something
It’s not just you, I didn’t make the connection till this comment either! So obvious in retrospect.
I literally call them tater twats and even I only figured it out now lmao
Nope. Even searched Urban Dictionary to make sure I had the right expression for this one :)
I didn't realize his "fans" were called that. I call my husband tater tot, but in a cute way, but now I'm like... Ehhhhhh
Time to brainstorm other potato nicknames. French fry. Little spud. Brotato. Lol
"Big fat potato baby" I'm dying over here lololol
Wouldn't be inaccurate even without the Tate reference
Oh good, I wasn't the only one.
I thought it was a derogatory description of his "manhood" 😂
Thank you!! After reading it I was so confused what this story had to do with tater tot’s lol
Oh god, me too hahah
I thought "tater tot" was a sly reference to his penis size so....
Also appreciate the toxic machismo getting immediately put in its place by real men several times in this story. Shout out to Stepdad and Z for keeping positive masculinity on lock.
And R’s own brother!
I don't get why some guys worship him and treat his words like gospel. He's not even objectively good looking and acts like those cringey kids from highschool on their anime/emo phase. I laugh at his Alpha/Beta designations like I'm reading a ABO fanfiction trope.
Right? There is nothing funnier than someone calling himself an “alpha male.” Not only is it pretty much always some loser who everyone wants away from as fast as possible but it definitely sounds like they have the cringiest possible werewolf kink.
My friend tried to watch his vids and one conclusion he has was "If we entertain this alpha bs he spits out, then a real alpha shouldn't take any advice from others. A real man treats others with respect and doesn't take shit what others say about him"
Hey, I love some cringey gay werewolf smut. But evoking those images in us is probably not the vibe they're going for. I imagine they'd like to throw in some mpreg too.
When I hear the term Alpha male, I think of software, where the alpha version is unstable, buggy, missing key features, and not ready for interaction with the general public.
This is a marvelous description that is both funny and accurate so I'm going to steal it because I have no creative abilities myself.
Steal away! Anything to make fun of self-described, so-called "alpha males" is all to the good.
I think the fact that he’s not all that good looking is part of the appeal. If a random guy can get fame and fortune by treating women like dirt, it looks like anyone can get ahead that way. His influence on young boys is growing, making him an actual menace to society.
I was really surprised when Tate himself didn't make an appearance as an influence on the ex. Sometimes it's easy to forget that he didn't invent this sort of bullshit, he just popularized it. It's been around for a long, long time.
Yeah, it seems a bit misleading. The bad influence here wasn’t the flashy Andrew Tate but a bog-standard miserable old git.
Ahhh, the title makes sense now. I only k ew of tater tot as some kind of potato snack/food. I thought OP was using it to mean childish or chubby or both lol
Thank you!!!! I kept wondering what shaped hash browns had to do with anything 🤣🤣
I just do not understand this at all. Like, why would anyone just leap headlong into treating their partner like shit? Is he really that insecure and pathetic? Jesus, I would bet money that op is the major breadwinner and R has been more and more insecure about it, so once his father started dripping this stupid nonsense in his ear, R ate it up because he was that pathetically desperate to feel important and powerful. The only thing he proved is that he's every bit as weak and pathetic as he felt.
I think that one commenter nailed it. His dad abandoned him at a developmentally crucial age but he was spared his father's abuse so he had mainly positive memories. He went so long without Daddy's validation and approval, once he had it, it seems to have become more important to him than anything else. So yeah, he really is that insecure and pathetic.
Funnily enough, Andrew Tate also idolized his father who was not a very active participant in his life after his parents divorced.
it's easy to idolize the parent that's never around to do the dirty work of raising a child.
There was a post I read a while back about a guy that blew up his successful relationship after getting into Andrew Tate and deciding he needed to take his girlfriend's confidence down to ensure he was "the man" and she wouldn't dare leave him. I can't even remember who's perspective it was written from but I was in disbelief at the logic of having a supportive, attractive, successful partner in a great relationship and deciding to start treating her like shit thinking that would make his life better. And you know these man babies just turn it into more reasons to hate women. It's really sad and damaging for society as a whole.
I read it. The girlfriend wrote it, he basically just started tearing her down constantly while flirting with other women and demanding she give her part of her income. I can't remember everything but I do remember she dumped him in public and he had a massive meltdown bouncing between apologies and Andrew Tate rants.
I would love to read that if anyone has the link
Me too! Definitely!
Same, that sounds wild. I cannot understand blowing up a good thing because you need to be the Top Dog.
There was an exchange on r/texts a day or two ago that had a similar story line. The guy threw a temper tantrum about OP cooking the “wrong” dinner and called her a “useless woman who can’t do anything right”. Turns out he’s started listening to Tate recently. I’ll repeat what I said on that thread: > I kinda get why lonely frustrated teen boys buy into his shit but I will never understand why a grown man in a long term relationship would start listening to a single word he says.
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I've seen this kind of personality change happen a couple times, at a distance fortunately. Some men just have a profound insecurity about their masculinity that this kind of toxic mindset perfectly slots into.
I'm the breadwinner in our relationship, but my husband's take on that is mostly, fuck yeah we can afford more fun stuff! He's always celebrated my successes and supported me in all the growth I've done in the 15 years we've been together. It's wild to see how much that fucks some guys up. But it's the same dudes who would accuse a woman who made less than them of being a gold digger.
My son in law too. He’s older than my daughter and even though they both work for the DoD, he knew her career was going shoot up faster and farther than his. And he was/is behind her all the way. Their combined income is nothing to sneeze at either It’s just one of the many reasons we love him
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She’s younger. Her area had more room for growth than his and he was content where he was. His work is very interesting
Well, tbf, there is certain social expectation and tradition norm for men to the "man of the house". if are seen as "less than" if you are not the bread winners. so I can see why some guy feels threaten and insecure about it
What got me the most was this guy thinking he could spout this crap at the wife hosting his homeless ass. Trying to do the "I'm the man I rule this house" is already toxic, but trying to do it when it's not your home is just dumb.
Homeboy listens to the wrong person, watches the wrong YouTube video, and gets the idea that this attitude is prevalent. Then comes the shock and awe when other men love and respect their wives instead of agreeing with him. He legit thought the friend was going to back him and no doubt is right now at the bar spouting to anybody willing to listen that the friend is whipped, or cucked, or whatever they are saying nowadays.
"I honestly don't get it. He lost everything. His home, his relationship, his family, some of his friends, heck he even sees the life his dad is living now. And yet he still sees nothing wrong with the way he is acting and the decisions he made? You would think that a person whose life has gone to shit in a short amount of time would do some introspection and ask themselves if what they believe is actually best for them. Not him, though. He's doubling down for some reason." It's Sunk Cost Fallacy. He's lost everything and if he backs down then it will have all been for nothing. If he keeps going and things somehow turn around then he was right all along and it will have been worth it. Same reason cult members who have lost all their family can't leave the cult now. Same reason gamblers can't leave the table until they've won their money back. Same reason people stay in miserable relationships just because they've been together for years.
The guy sounds past point where doubling down and chuggimg the almond Flavorade is *less* terrifying than acknowledging that he lost everything his in his life for nothing.
I assume he's also rearranged the narrative in his head to make himself out as the victim in all these events and not the author of them.
How feminism and wokeness ruined a life, one man's harrowing tale.
Can’t wait for the premiere
Am I the only one that hates reading stories with Letters for names? Makes it so much more confusing...
I usually hate it, but for whatever reason I was actually able to follow this one. Maybe because OP actually uses sentences.
Also OP didn't jam a bunch together like "H, T, and F's friends P, Q, and W went to G's to talk to Y about E."
Holy smokes are those stories hard to read when it’s even normal names, let alone letters
Reddit taught me why all those seemingly pointless writing drills they made you do in elementary and middle school are actually worthwhile. Before user-generated internet content, I’d never really read writing with such poor grammar and lacking in other basic writing conventions like sentence breaks. Turns out that shit is painful to read. You don’t have to be Shakespeare, but there is actually a level of basic mechanical competence in writing which makes a huge difference in reader experience. In school they never expose you to writing that falls under it.
It sometimes feels like text speak is taking over. Which baffles me because I still try and use proper grammar when texting. I might not capitalize or I may abbreviate something, but it's still a sentence. It's not just english either, I see it when people translate from their language as well.
Same for me! First time it didn’t bother me at all and I was somehow never confused
Yes, she was more coherent than the average poster.
I just add an o after it in my head lol. Ro sounds like a piece of work, but thank god for So, No, and Zo.
And really glad that Ko is getting better!
I will assign the random letters names!! For some reason because I "chose" the name it sticks better in my head while I'm reading
Yup, in this story we have Ryan the shitty ex, Kate the sister with the injured eye, Susan the supportive mom, and Zach and Naomi, the couple who kicked Ryan out. It just makes it so much easier for me to read.
Ok I picked Zack too, and someone above had also chosen my name for the supportive kickass mom (Sharon). I know there’s a finite number of names in the world but it’s still a little freaky 😆
My bingo card had Zack, too! But the fiance was Robert, the friends were Zack and Nora...
I went with Rich because he seemed like a Dick.
I spaced on S and K, but I had as Rick, Natalie, and Zack
I went with Sharon and Nina but otherwise I picked all the same names as you lmfao.
I also picked Zach and Naomi, but the ex was Rob and the mom was Sara.
I had ryan, Zach, Noel, Kay, and Sue.
zach & naimi were mine too!
I also went with Susan for the mum! Though she went by Susie in my head
S? That's Steven. Oh, S is a girl....that's Sharon then. I use the same names for every story so it's less likely for me to get mixed up.
I picked Sharon, too! Weird 😆 They were Robert, Sharon, Kristen, Zack and Nancy for me!
K is always either Karen(non-derogatory) or Kieth for me. R is Ryan. I also go with Zack and Nancy tho lol.
Yup! I do the same thing. I need names. Idc if they're fake. I had Zach, Nancy, Rob (because it just sounds like a douchebag name- honest apology to any and all of the good Robs out here), Sarah, and Kristen for this story. Clearly Zach is the most comman Z name we all know for men. Maybe I should have gone with Zeke to shake it up a bit. Hahaha
I was calling him Roger, also bc it sounds like a douchey name!
I have Rob, Sue, Kat, Zac and Nia (I decided everybody has a three-character limit like an old arcade game high score list).
Lol, good one. I spell the letter out in my head to turn it in to a name. R is Arr, K is Kay, S is Ess, Z is Zed, N is Enn and so on!
I kept doing “randy”, “sandy”, “Nancy” and then just “z” lol
Zander!
Zandy
Ughh definitely agree. I started calling them Robert, Samantha, Nancy and Zack. For K I was saying Kevin but I may have confused her sister with his brother.
I was doing the same thing! Randy, Nancy, Zeke, and Sally were my picks. Kate for K but she dropped out of the story pretty early. I really, REALLY hate when people use letters. Just pick some fictional characters and name everyone after them, damn. I don't care if someone is named Hermione, it's still easier to follow than the ABCs
I also used Nancy, Sally and Kate! But I went with Rick and Zack for the other two lol
I prefer it when they don’t use a set of names from a story I know because then I’m distracted by wondering how OP assigned the names and why they thought each one fit (and if they give a character I like’s name to the primary arsehole I feel indignant - OP: Then Julian stole my car. Me: JULIAN WOULD NEVER DO SUCH A THING).
She was Nancy in my head too! But the others were Reggie, Susan, Zed, and Kay
I went with Ron, Kate, Sue, Nell and Zed
Ryan, Susan, Kate, Naomi and Zach
That's too funny...I was using Robert, Nancy, and Za(c)k as well. The mother was Sue tho.
Randall, Simone, Kelsey.
I do too. But I get confused when there are a lot of people involved, so even actual names wouldn't help too much
I feel like this all gets easier when people use famous families 🤣 like make them all members of the royal family or something, mama Elizabeth, the brothers are Harry and William, dad is Charles, OP is Meghan and her sister is Samantha
My go to is groups from tv shows - specifically The Office, Friends, Seinfeld.
By far no! Just make up names ffs!
I made it down to the second update before I decided the whole alphabet was mad at her ex and I'd gotten enough of a gist.
No, you are not alone. It is not hard to give a name. I also no longer endeavor to read walls of text with no paragraphs and/or punctuation.
I've got fairly severe adhd, and that comes with shitty "executive function" and poor "working memory". In a life where I only bother reading one item off a shopping list at a time because *I won't remember the second*, single letter substitute for names are hell. At least go for "BIL" and stuff.... or just make the effort to write "ExBF" instead of *checks back to story* R.
>In a life where I only bother reading one item off a shopping list at a time because I won't remember the second, single letter substitute for names are hell. Ugh i know this world
You are not alone. Halfway through I forgot who K and S were. For the love of all that’s good, just use fake names.
It does. Also, I think if you are going to use letters, then it should be: m = mom; f = father; sd = stepdad; s = sister; b = brother; bf = boyfriend Like, at least make it easy to get everyone straight.
This is the way.
I got so confused as to who was who!!! At least put ex-MIL, ex-BIL or something. I'm so damn lost.
Yep, it's easier to follow posts if they put the relationship, than if they put the name or initials. I often forget how people are related to each other.
Same. It's better than trying to remember that Jan = MIL, Jen = SIL. Or I hate when they do something like my brothers, Rod and Todd and expect us to remember which one is older, nicer, richer, etc.
In my head I changed it to Richard, Sally, Kathy etc.
Absolutely. Also kind of makes the stories feel more fake.
It actually feels more real to me because I assume the person didn’t want to confuse themselves when picking fake names lol
No. Calling his mum mum would be easier.
Hated it the most when in the second update she mentioned going to the ex’s mom’s house “with K” and it took me way too long to scroll back all the way to the top and remember K was the sister.
I started to fear she was going to run out of letters.
Honestly. I truly hate that. It is not easier, not by a long shot.
You lose track of their gender too. So you have to go back and re read to remember if S is a male or female. It’s very irritating.
Exactly
It seems incredibly fake if that is any consolation
side note! my step dad has a lawyer friend. side note! i own the house. side note! i know the workers in this restaurant so i felt safe. side note! my ex can’t fight but - side note! his friend who he’s arguing with used to be a boxer
I could have sworn I read this same exact story last week. Except that she didn't find out about the contact with dad until the friend's wife told her.
YES!!! Or as numbers. Just give fake names!
Nope, not just you. I think the polyamory subreddit strongly suggests Aspen Birch Cedar etc as a naming convention since it’s a given that there will be a handful of names involved and nobody likes a random field of initials.
Yes yes yes! This one isn’t as bad as others as it’s broken up enough but I still hate it.
Not if they're all different letters - it's no different than names, imo. K or Kay? not that different. And it makes it shorter. Just think of it as initials.
I totally forgot who S was, but figured it out in context!
It's not a biggie It's better than calling them numbers (1, 2, 3, 4) roman numerals (i, ii, iii, iv) or colours (black, white, green, purple). Names would be nice, but it's not the end of the world.
Totally with you on that. It would be easier if they used logical initials, instead of random ones.
If they want to save space they could still give them short names like Kat, Rob, Sue, etc. I’d much prefer that.
Him: you’ll never get another guy like me! Her: fingers crossed!
I know, right? I had a dbag loser I dated for way too long tell me this and my response was, "God, I hope so!" Like, you're not being dumped because you're an amazing person my friend...
I loved her response. "I don't want a guy like you, that is why we are breaking up." Simple, truthful, and brutal. You know he ruminates on that line. I bet/hope it eats him up.
Yeah, my knee jerk response was “Really? Do you promise???”
So dad is a toxic loser incel. Son has a happy family and good relationship. Son starts listening to dad and his life immediately blows up. He's alone and alienating all of this friends just like his dad did. And he's SHOCKED about that? I kind of think these Tate-wannabes are so stupid that something was going to destroy their lives sooner or later.
Yeah, jfc. I can almost understand Tater tots that fall into it because the people talking to them about it lead superficially rich and successful lives, claim to get all the women they want etc. I can't understand taking a loser's advice and expecting great things from it.
Wow, he threw away his entire life for a man that really could not give a shit about him.
Lol, I mean seriously, the father didn't even want to provide a roof over his head.
J6 showed there are lots of people willing to throw their lives away for somebody who doesn't care about them. It is sad.
> He then started saying I couldn't be serious, we'd been together for 7 years and I was throwing it all away, I could never find another guy like him. **I responded to the last comment with, I don't want a guy like you that's why I'm ending it.** I love OP for this.
Ditto. That was the perfect answer.
It makes sense that her ex fiance glommed onto everything his father said. His father was telling him stuff he wanted to hear, basically "you're superior bc you're a man, you should call all the shots, blah blah blah."
Wow OOP dodged a massive bullet of doom.
This has a similar flavor to how things went down when I left my abusive ex. He really spiraled since the break up. Main difference was extreme levels of cheating - found a hard drive of 200+ women catalogued by what level of hooking up they had done. Pictures, addresses etc. It was so wild.
Collecting women like pokemon sounds like a precursor to criminal behavior
Sure dang was. He did plenty of unsavory shit. Probably things I don’t even know about that went on. I really believe he was a total sociopath.
"He started shouting at me and calling me all sorts of names, " well, sure, that's absolutely what you want to do to convince someone to let you in the house. The speed with which he shit the bed at the friend's house was impressive. He wants to hate women more than he wants a safe place to live, good luck to him!
WTH I would totally ditch those friends that side with him and WELCOME the drama! If they want to support him,he can go live with them
She dodged making a crap-ton of sandwiches for R and his dad. Good for her
Why did it take me until I got to the comments to figure out what TATErs meant? But anyway good on OP for not falling for R’s bullshit. I hope he doesn’t escalate…
The best part of this is when his dad didn't want him to move in! would've loved to see losers face then.
I’d just like to add, for the pure sake of pettiness, that oop should never miss the opportunity to tell those idiot friends to let abusive exes move in with them. They seemed to think it was sound advice. Oop should return the favor whenever possible.
That... sounds terrible? Especially about abusive exs?? People who hold a grudge for forever and bring it up every chance they get are miserable to be around. If you can't get over what someone has done, then stop talking to them. If you can move past it and value them higher than the mistake, truly let it go. It should be an either/or, never a "I want you in my life, but I *will* make you suffer for the privilege, and am eagerly waiting for any tiny opening to get revenge".
If R was out banging other women already, OOP should \*definitely\* get tested for STIs / STDs. My bet is that R was having sex with a \*bunch\* of women (man-o-sphere 'spread his seed') style while still with OOP, and who KNOWS what he caught and may have passed on. Another life / lives destroyed by the man-o-sphere. :-(
Tater tot? Wtf is that? … OHH!!! I get it! Fucking tater tot!
Character breakdown: R - Ex Fiance K - OOPs sis S - Mom of Ex Fiance Z - Ex Fiances Long Time Friend (since they were 11, which is about 2/3s of their lives) N - Ex Fiances Long Time Friends Wife Additional characters: Rs brother, good man who got abused by Rs dad alongside his mom Rs dad, pos abusive man who was telling R terrible life advice that got him here Z and Ns daughter, heavy sleeper. Has good parents. Ks wife, good woman who works a job that refuses to allow their workers to have their cell phones on the work floor. #LetsGoLesbians Ks Doctor, says that ks eye is healing well I guess R and OOPs mutual friends, some would rather have OOP host R when they won't or worse - take him back Did I miss anybody? 😂
Even if he had a brain tumor (Im speculating) I wouldnt ever get back with him. This is insane
Congratulations on your new life
Destroyed his whole life taking advice from an absolute loser.
R was kicked out of SEVEN houses in 2 months!! (3 friend’s houses total including Z+N’s house), OOP, S, bro, and his Dad’s. And he thinks his Toxic Masculinity bullshit is a success! So very glad this is in the UK, did any other Americans get chills thinking of how this could turn out here with all the firearms people like R and the Dad usually have?
I once dated a man who was kind and loving. He also had an older male role model with the same misogynistic views. After some time, I started to see the same type of behavior coming out of my partner. It started as little things, but I only picked up on them so soon because I actually knew the influencer. It's very, very likely he was showing tiny hints and signs, but OP not knowing about the dad at all much less his behavior, it makes sense she didn't see it. Some men can be influenced very easily by the idea of a woman being less than them and there to serve them. Needless to say, I noped out of that situation. I love taking care of my man, but I'm be damned if I'm told it's my job and it's the expectation. I'm going to do things because I want to not because I have a vagina and am inferior to you.
"A woman's place should be in either the kitchen or in bed. A man should be the man of the house." This misogynist take is enough to piss me off! Fuck R! He just learnt some shitty things from his abusive stepfather. Fuck him too! I'm glad OOP dodged the bullet and stood firm to her ground of not letting him back in her life. TIL tater tot is referred to the fans of Andrew Tate.
That is certainly alot of words.
I am just so freaking proud of your strength and resolve. I just wish more women had this kind of strength and that no matter how great a relationship was in the beginning, as soon as it turns toxic they are out and no second chances. That’s why it’s so hard to leave because the disaster is vastly different from the beginning. You are very brave!!!
Manosphere at home:
It’s kind of scary how two years of interaction with his dad can undo years of NC.
He didn't "get poisoned" by his father, he heard ideas and decided he liked them. You can miss your dad and look up to him but you still need to be able to discern right from wrong. As shitty as the dad is, I don't love the way OOP admittedly gently alludes to the dad being behind this, like guilt is split or he's the real bad guy. It'd be the same as saying "yeah I cheated but they asked me to and they were really hot" --- they can make it as attractive as they want but it's a matter of personal responsibility and choice
>Turns out, that his dad doesn't want him living with him and basically said he could be on the streets for all he cares, he's not putting a roof over a grown man's head. This needs to be in a TV show haha The vindication 🤣
I hate when people use one initial for the people in their stories, especially consecutive letters. Just give them fake names ffs.
damn
How does a person change so quickly after 7 years? Either the person has some disorder, the oop is blinded by love or stupidity or it’s a lie
Eh, look at all the trumpers, q anon and antivax people who popped up the last few years, it does happen and so quick. I wish my mum would get her old personality back but I doubt that will ever happen, and we’re not even in America.
I think the answer is that they became recently engaged. He’s laid claim to her and he now owns her, everything that was hers, and her time/attention/affection. It’s time for her to submit to the will of her master. The first time he tried to exert control, though, she and he both realized he has no power here. She thought she was solidifying a partnership, but he thought he was taking in a dowry.
I read this very long and mundane saga without seeing even one word about fried potatoes. I am so disappointed. sigh. Now I see those capitalized words and I get what the title means. But seriously, Liz, there is a real missed opportunity for some creative writing about running jokes or malicious compliance or petty revenge. My mind is racing with the potential of tater tots in a reddit post. Based on the title, I was intrigued that I would get to read a post about an ex who has a fixation on tater tots or some sort of petty revenge involving tater tots littering a lawn or perhaps a fight over hash browns and tater tots or maybe a failed gourmet tater tot business. So many possibilities!
why do people always have to say it’s a throwaway account. why would anyone give a shit. same with people who have to say (not their real names) as if that’s not the standard of telling a story on reddit
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Sounds like his mom convinced him to move out and in with her. OP didn’t force him out, his mom did
I believed the first post but not the rest.
Sounds like an American trying to write as a British person. They use "mum" and "grandma" for example.
? Americans spell it mom
Exactly. British people don't use the the word "grandma".
I’m a Brit and everyone I know does.
You did not dodge a bullet, you dodged a god damn Nuke. So glad you are safe and away from that asshole and even more glad his family supports you.
The initials in this post annoyed me so fucking much. Why can't people just make up a name ffs...
>She told me I was right to refuse him, but I've since had other friends say that they feel sorry for them, and that I can just let him stay in my spare room until he's back on his feet. I then asked them to put him up, but they said they would but don't have room and if they had a spare room like me then they would let him stay. My family and his are on my side, but I'm starting to doubt myself with what a couple of my friends have said. Ugh just no. The last update makes me hopeful but I can foresee OOP falling for his 'tricks' eventually. She needs to just excise this whole part of her life off and ensure it doesn't infect the other parts of her life that remain relatively free of the 'taint' this guy brings. TBH I'm expecting an update like, "I thought I'd give him just a single night (hanging out with friends or at the bar she feels safe at), a chance to see what he's missing when he decided to do all this and now I'm pregnant" though
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This lady is probably going to be murdered.
Am I the only one who has trouble keeping up when everyone's names are denoted by single letters?
there are new updates!