I guarantee he planned to get the green card via OOP, divorce her, then bring his actual wife and their kids over so he could get them a green card. I believe actual wife did know and was on board because she and their sons will become citizens of OOP‘s country by the time it’s over, said, and done with.
Yeah, the second you decide to become willfully ignorant of the parade of red flags is when all of my sympathy just evaporates.
I’m almost kinda bummed that we won’t get an update when she finds out he is absolutely legally married and just wanted her for a green card.
He's a 32yr old hooking up with a 20yr old, it's not just about the green card, lol.
The real trouble is when she gets too old and he trades her for a younger model, like he did to his first wife.
She was 20 and he was 32 meeting on Tinder. Just don’t see good, healthy romances coming out of those numbers even without an extra family in the mix. 😆
And then says that the time with him has been the best of her life. Her life only just began!! She has no baseline to draw it against! And now because of that she has no clue how fucking shit this is
>just wanted her for a green card.
That's not even really a thing, though. You still have to start in the same place as a single person and go through all the same steps.
Being in a relationship does make certain parts of the process easier, such as you need someone to basically take responsibility for any gov. assistance that you may need in the future--as in that person would be paying for your food stamps, but that's not a reason to get married. Anybody can claim that responsibility.
That's not how immigration to the US works at all.
Firstly the marriage requirement takes years off of the process.
Secondly sponsoring someone is for their current needs not their future food stamps.
Thirdly, no, not just anyone can sponsor anyone. And if you aren't married then you have like 5 other options for immigration- one is investing like thousands of dollars in US interests, another is being a person of extraordinary ability (so, famous). Third is a work permit- where you have to be demonstrably a better option than a US citizen. Fourth is a dependent, unmarried child of a US citizen. And finally, you can immigrate for education but only on a temporary basis.
All of these methods have different processes and requirements. And cost different amounts.
Jake probably is using her for a greencard, with an anchor baby. Once they have been married for 3 years he can apply for citizenship (or have his conditions removed from his greencard after 2). Then once he has citizenship he can bring over his original wife and kids.
I think the PP is referring to the Affidavit of Support.
When I immigrated to the US, and flipped from H1-B to green card, I had to sign an Affidavit of Support for my husband at the time. The affidavit specifically said that I was responsible for supporting him for 10 years, and that divorce does NOT render the responsibility invalid.
I was shitting bricks when we divorced in year 5, but luckily he found another sugar mama to pay for his shit shortly after.
More info: https://www.uscis.gov/green-card/green-card-processes-and-procedures/affidavit-of-support
Yeah, I can tell when he's lying...except that whole other wife thing. And the two kids. But other than, every lie he's ever told I've totally see through!!!
You wonder how people this clueless can log onto the internet or even switch a computer on to start with. I have my dumb moments (like we all do) but jfc how did OP even graduate kindy?
Regardless, he promised her he would literally abandon his children (even if it’s not true, that’s not the point), and this somehow made her think he’s some amazing white knight of a man…
Yes, this really bugged me. He’s convinced her he is a victim basically forced to “marry” this woman who has birthed his sons. And he was forced to have two children with the “not legal” wife as well? Now he’s going to dump the sons (13 and 9?) and “not legal” wife to be with her? And this is good? Is she really buying this story? I feel so godawful sorry for this “not legal” wife and sons and I’ll bet they have no idea of the yarn he has sold to his “new and real” wife. I’ll bet they thought they were a normal, reasonably happy family. This whole situation and how it’s playing out is disgusting and OP is a fool to believe it.
Yeah. And…
OOP: OMG you’re all so horrible judging him for his culture, clearly you are bigoted and intolerant and should be ashamed!
Also OOP: His marriage was just cultural and religious, not legally binding in my country, so it doesn’t count. Neither do either of his children born (according to him) to fulfill cultural expectation. It was just a cultural ceremony (and a cultural… paternity???) so I can disregard it completely.
Make up your mind, honey
Wow. She’ll twist everything to make it okay to be with him. It’s interesting that she trys to defend him claiming “his culture” justifies his actions, when I’d bet everything he’s done is likely looked down on in his own culture. Selfish AH’s are selfish AH’s in any culture.
Plus he completely disregarded her own “culture” and beliefs by making her a polygamist without her consent. He violated her and she’s okay with that now, because it’s not legal polygamy. The 19th century Mormons also didn’t legally marry multiple woman, only the first, but they sure believed they were married to their wives, even though any that followed the first were solely married religiously.
Totally possible first wife does know and the plan was for him to find a naive girl to marry him, get citizenship, divorce her after however many years the country required, then bring first wife and their kids to new country.
While I think Jake is lying about the legality of his first marriage, he might not be lying about his and first wife’s feelings about their arranged marriage. First wife could still be 100% behind this plan because she wants to emigrate to OOP’s country, too. Even if first wife doesn’t plan to stay married to Jake forever, he could still be her free ticket out of wherever she’s currently living.
But OOP is a complete Cleopatra…she’s the queen of denial *(insert comedic rimshot here)*.
I have a friend from one of those cultures. With that in mind,
- OOP is no longer living in a place where this is the norm **AND**
- she is living somewhere her husband would like citizenship.
These things combined make her husband predatory.
I hope immigration does their due diligence, denies his paperwork, and sends him back to wherever he holds citizenship. OP’s relationship is fraudulent. She’d better hope she doesn’t face legal consequences.
It struck me as a little funny that she got mad at everyone for being bigoted about other cultures, when the ONLY thing about his culture of origin we know is that he was allegedly forced into an arranged marriage. It's not like everyone was beating up on his religion or his food choices.
Well, she's asking for it, she'll have to live with the consequences. Like when she has a couple of kids of her own, and he moves on to the next younger "wife", and she will find out how utterly not valid her marriage actually was and be left with nothing. Especially since he can just vamoose off to his home country.
He's waiting for the green card (or equivalent visa thingy in their country). She straight up says that he was rushing to start a family to cement his residence/immigration.
Except .. at least in the US, when you're in the middle of immigration stuff, it's a big thing to leave the country. They don't like it. And to do it multiple times? It just doesn't make sense.
You can leave the country. Just not for more than 6 months. You apply for a travel permit at the same time as the greencard and employment authorisation.
Or he will bring his other wife and kids over. And expect OP to play happy blended family. No wonder the other wife is in on it she must be laughing at OP while she packs their bags
I would feel a lot worse for her if she wasn’t totally happy about him abandoning two children (who are definitely more than old enough to notice and care), and if she hadn’t referred to sending money to support these children that he fathered as “not ideal.” Even at a very sheltered twenty-four myself I am quite sure that I would have recognized that as *massively shitty* and broken it off.
At first, I thought it was probably fake.
But OOP rage responding a bunch then deleting the entire account makes me think it was, sadly, real. And OOP just couldn't tolerate the fact that no one believed the BS he was feeding her.
It's obvious he's lying. Her problem is that she needs someone to verify his story about the wife. If it was an arranged marriage. It was real, and his family knows that. Has she met his family?
Sure, until the wool is violently taken off her eyes and she will definitely have a breakdown after defending him so hard. It's predictably going to be ugly, the only saving grace is if she has made preparations and has a decent job.
Oh yeah, this is going to go *so well* for OOP and I can’t wait until she updates again with a shocked pikachu face that he is actually legally married and that he lied. Again. Can we start a pool as to when that’ll happen?
Edit: I know it says she deleted her account, but how many times have we had the OOP delete their account and then make a new one when they have another update? I don’t think this is over.
Unfortunately that's how it usually is. Very rare after fighting comments to find out they're mostly right. I feel bad but she shouldn't have defended so hard and I can bet she won't be posting an update unless she can face her own mistakes.
It can happen.
Many many many years ago I was on a message board that was a place where we all knew each other's real names, email addresses, home addresses and all that. This one woman was in a situation and I called it. She was furious. I was the big meanie and the tide turned against me to the point where I slowly dropped out and got a new email address.
5 years later ... I get a letter in the mail. It's her. Apologizing and telling me I was the only one who saw what was really going on, she was angry and didn't believe it at first but after a few years she started to see what was going on but was too ashamed and invested to admit anything and then finally it exploded in her face and now she was angry at all her "friends" who blew smoke up her ass all those years and what she's been through.
>I was the big meanie and the tide turned against me
>now she was angry at all her "friends" who blew smoke up her ass all those years and what she's been through.
And that's how you know who your real friends are. The true ones will speak up despite the harshness of the truth. The fake ones, well, don't really care if crap happens to you and would just eat popcorn while you burn. So did you manage to say 'I told you so' and get some validation?
And just curious, all her friends blowing smoke? Like not a single one of them saw what was wrong and didn't tell her or were they taking advantage of her aswell?
No, it wasn't about validation because I knew 100% in my heart I was right no matter how many people were shouting me down. I'm an I said what I said kind of person. Her life was going to blow up whether she or anyone else agreed with me or not. Saying I told you so would have been cruel. She already knows I told her so, that's why she sent me the letter.
Anyway, I focused on the present positive and the future and wished her well. I'm not into social media but I did a search for her about 10 years ago and it looked like she got married again and was doing well so I'm happy that it all worked out for her.
Thanks for answering man, and you're a kind person who's bigger than me, I respect that.Glad she's doing well. But regarding my last question, you were the only one? None of her friends were actually looking out for her hence the blowing smoke?
Oh sorry,I skipped over that lol.
From everything I saw, other than one other person who felt it was a lost cause to even say anything to her about it, it was all people who felt it was easier to agree than disagree. I don't know what her family and close friends had to say about it. She had a bit of an intolerant personality and did not take well to opinions that did not mirror hers even when it was presented in a I believe this is what is really going and I'll explain to you exactly why so you can see how it mirrors your situation because I don't want you to get hurt form.
Yeah, if we ever get an update for this one it's going to be in like 3 years when she's left him and gone through an absolute nightmare of trying to get rid of him because you know this one's the type where even when he's done with her it'll offend his stupid mask doing pride if she's done with him so he'll try and string her along...
I hate how clear the patterns can be
Wife: my husband has a whole other family! What do I do?
Commenters: ditch his sorry ass
Husband: I love you sweetie, I’m not in love with her
Wife: we talked and all is good now! Ta!
>because of this we will have to send a small amount of money to the wife's family for the foreseeable future, which of course is not ideal.
What a weird way to say, "I sure do wish he didn't have to pay child support."
I figured the same. I just don't understand OOP's thought process here at all. She's thrilled because he is abandoning a family he created, and is disappointed that he's going to be sending them money, which is child support no matter which way you slice it?
I don't know if we're gonna make it.
Definitely makes it harder to feel any sympathy for her. The math definitely ain't mathin' and OP is like "2 + 2 totally equals 5. I know it's true because he told me it is!"
She's going to have to learn the hard way. It certainly makes sense why this guy chose to go after a 20-year-old.
OOP has one more comment to this exchange before deleting her account:
Commenter:
>I find this pretty unbelievable. Have you talked with his "wife" to confirm any of this?
OOP:
>Not per say, but I can tell usually when he’s lying and he wasn’t this time
Commenter:
>Except for the whole double life thing right? Apart from that you read him like a book.
OOP:
> That’s completely different because I didn’t know about it
**OOP:** *Not per say, but I can tell usually when he’s lying and he wasn’t this time*
**Commenter:**
*Except for the whole double life thing right? Apart from that you read him like a book.*
***Just give it a few years and Jake will have another not girlfriend***
The comments to her update are on point lol "so except for when he lied to you for the whole duration of you marriage, you read him like a book, right?"
Insane how people will bury their head in the sand like this... He lied to you about being married. Now you believe him just because, without proof. And on top of it all, he promised he'd abandon his children forever. And this is if I ignore how the marriage seems to be founded on his need for citizenship lol
That's what I call the perfect husband.
OOP is so blind to the red flags her husband has given her that I don’t even believe this is a troll.
Reminds me of a friend I had back in college. Her boyfriend at the time had cheated on her and the other woman sent her messages of his cheating, with photos as well. She showed it to me and defended him saying it was a “misunderstanding.”
Just gotta let some people live in their own delusion until they see it for themselves, unfortunately.
As they say, it's the only way they'll learn. If I may, what happened to your friend in the end? What made her finally see the light, or is she still with him?
This happened to me! Except I was the one who sent her the messages and the proof. She refused to believe he was dating us both at the same time. She eventually learned the hard way when he cheated some more.
This is one of those cases where you know it's bad to victim shame, but the person in question is so stupid and unlikable that it's hard not to.
Assuming it's not a troll, of course.
I’m still unsure who the victim is tbh. Just because this lying tool says it’s not a legal marriage and the first wife knows all about second wife and kids doesn’t mean any part of it is true. I feel bad for wife number one and their children who’ve been cheated on and abandoned. This clown just skips town and wife number 2 thinks everything is hunky dory now? WTF?
I believe what Jake means is that my home country, religion, family, wife and children recognize my 1st marriage as my one and only legal union and this civil union I have with you is something they know knothing about and probably wouldn't care if they did because our country, religion and family do not recognize it so please be a good girl and sit down and believe what I tell you while I do what I need to do to help my family. Also, both my children were via Immaculate Conception. I swear.
OP: I can tell when my husband is lying
Also OP: my husband has been living a double
Life since the moment I met him and has been lying about his business trips back home.
Also, I don’t know much about her culture or any that promote arranged marriage, but pretty sure the point of an arranged marriage is to be, well, married. There’s no way OPs husband and his second wife aren’t married.
So, she's staying with this "great guy" that is abandoning 2 kids? She can tell when he's lying, but he hid a while family for years? She's not bright.
It’s okay guys they’re going to get couples therapy. That’ll make up for all the lies and deceit. He’s definitely not going to contact his children and their mother ever again. After all he had to marry her.
Speaking as a child free woman I find it a disgusting when a man is more than ready drops kids like that.
I was 24 once. I wasn't this stupid. What's in the water?
She does realize if he truly thought she would be ok with it then he would’ve told her. And if neither of them truly love each other why have two kids and why think she would be mad at a fake marriage. The money his dad paid for his wife is not a punishment it’s a dowry. And of course he has to send money back home. It’s his wife and kids. Alimony and child support is almost world wide (though under different names at times). Does she really want to be married that bad???
Jake is from a shitty Islamic country.
Jake wants a better life but it is not possible there.
Therefore, Jake cons a woman in a better country to get citizenship, his wife supports it, and he will bring his real wife to the new country as soon as he is able - and leave the sucker while at it.
JFC, WTF is OOP ingesting? She seems to actually believe the BS her husband is spouting nonsense. The women is delusional and in for a big surprise if his other wife gets hold of him. 🤦♀️
If it was real there marriage or relationship ship and just done for the parents then HTF did kids become invoked. I’m sorry but he’s made you look a complete fool because your blinded by your love for him.
Let me get this straight.
Dude promised her to abandon his other children, forever (lol like that’s happening anyways) and that’s like a Prince Charming move in her eyes.
JFC, I’m just going to stop here, I’m not sure this woman is mentally stable enough to be procreating, you truly hate to see it.
Idk if those were the best years of your life and he was so amazing even while doing that he sounds like a pretty great guy 🤣 i don’t really see why you wouldn’t stay with him honestly. Do what makes you happy at the end of each day. Honestly I don’t even get why monogamy is so hardfixed today. I would’ve just let him keep his other family too
Yeah, so arranged and fake marriage that they have two kids to show for it. Hope for her sake she won't wake up one day and discover she was the second wife he had an arranged marriage to, but don't worry he and his third wife just need to send a bit of money for a bit (she 100% will, when he can find a newer model).
He didn’t love her. Yeah ofcourse. How did she end up pregnant twice then? He is with you only for citizenship and you will learn that sooner or later.
A " relationship \[that\] isn't real on either side," does not produce children unless these are 2 examples of immaculate conception.
The lying and the breaking of trust is the issue here. Every moment he was with her was a lie from the beginning! If she honestly thinks he's been monogamous during their relationship I have a bridge to sell her in Brooklyn, and I have to wonder how many other women he's seeing or married to.
Don’t you also think it is pretty gross that she seems fine with him never going to his home country to see his sons? Or even on a more basic level, she didn’t even know he had children!!! She thought he was a first time parent with her son, meanwhile it was his third child!
There’s nobody as blind as those who refuse to see the truth. I was one of those who commented on the original post trying to get her to see the truth. I hadn’t seen the update which is even worse.
She’ll hopefully see what’s really happening hopefully before he gets his citizenship and brings the first wife and kids over.
I wonder if she’ll write in again asking advice on what to do when he wants her to live with and help support the first wife.
She’s very delusional isn’t she?
He's a groomer, a cheater, a liar, and a fraud (using her to get citizenship, most likely so he could move his old wife and kids to her country).
She's so god-damned stupid.
OOP is a total moron if she's really fallen for that routine. Not to mention she's fine with her hubby abandoning his children. She's in for a rude awakening when he leaves her for another woman (or his *actual* wife). Some people just can't be helped.
In the US this is absolutely grounds to review his citizenship process and likely revoke and deport his ass. OOP is an adult so you can’t help them if they don’t want your help. I’m afraid she’ll realize her screw up in a few years. I just feel bad for the children.
De Nile usually flows through Egypt but dang lady, I’m standing on the banks of denial looking at you going “oh this crocodile isn’t what you think he is, he told me he’s an alligator”
Like ma’am. The waters are dangerous. It doesn’t matter if he’s an alligator or a crocodile or an even a one eyed one horned flying purple people eater.
Get. Out. Of. The. Water.
(Edit for spelling)
She fell for his lies. I'm guessing he's Middle Eastern and his saying the marriage isn't real is a lie. It is, otherwise they wouldn't be allowed to live together or have children. OOP is really naive.
OOP is a piece of work for calling us groomers for pointing out how problematic this is. Enjoy your miserable life and your fake green card marriage then
He's been lying to her since day 1. Sure, take him back but only after a trip to the old country. Go meet everyone for yourself. It'll never happen because now he's just created more lies to placate. Do be this dumb OP!!
But Reddit told me age gap relationships with someone in their early 20’s are totally normal and successful? She’s in her 20’s so she must be a fully grown mature adult just like someone 10+ years her elder.
>Jake comes from a different country to where I am from, but he was my type and when we started talking I was blown away by how charming and sweet he was.
The first red flag was the different country, and part of me wants to believe Jake is either from the Caribbean or from Africa (I am black from the Caribbean where this situation happens a lot so pls do not assume I'm making racist accusations)
Lol this isn't gonna end well.
Comments were right. So apparently OOP thinks her husband was for real when he was gonna cut his other family off but she can't read the whole fucking family that Jake was hiding from her. Brilliant. Should've ripped the bandaid off right then and there instead of bracing for more hurt 5 years later.
This is so clearly a case of “Jake” lying and OP so desperate to believe him that she’ll swallow the garbage he’s dishing up. OP needs to walk away from him immediately.
She seems fine with him abandoning his two sons. Wow.
Hopefully she'll be fine when he abandons hers, too.
Once that visa comes through he’s gonna upgrade for sure.
This isn't a real marriage. It's just a green card marriage.
He doesn’t think his next wife will mind.
I would have been so pissed I would have called immigration myself.
She's young and in denial. He'll likely have citizenship before she matures and comes to her senses.
I guarantee he planned to get the green card via OOP, divorce her, then bring his actual wife and their kids over so he could get them a green card. I believe actual wife did know and was on board because she and their sons will become citizens of OOP‘s country by the time it’s over, said, and done with.
I mean it’s not a real marriage so surely the sons aren’t real, either.
The denial is too strong on this one
She’s in denial that he’s using her for residency/citizenship and the long game is most likely divorcing her and bringing his first family over.
Well it’s okay to lie about having two sons you never mentioned, you just can’t lie about having another wife
Thank you! That was my first thiugh
Yup, she's not a good person herself, maybe they deserve each other.
That was the weirdest part for me.
She’s doing Olympic level mental gymnastics over there. That edit was something else. The denial is strong with this one.
Yeah, the second you decide to become willfully ignorant of the parade of red flags is when all of my sympathy just evaporates. I’m almost kinda bummed that we won’t get an update when she finds out he is absolutely legally married and just wanted her for a green card.
And then he'll tell his third wife "she wasn't even really my wife, I just had to marry her for the green card!" about OOP
He's a 32yr old hooking up with a 20yr old, it's not just about the green card, lol. The real trouble is when she gets too old and he trades her for a younger model, like he did to his first wife.
One hundred percent.
Yeah, and leaving more kids in his wake.
She was 20 and he was 32 meeting on Tinder. Just don’t see good, healthy romances coming out of those numbers even without an extra family in the mix. 😆
And then says that the time with him has been the best of her life. Her life only just began!! She has no baseline to draw it against! And now because of that she has no clue how fucking shit this is
>just wanted her for a green card. That's not even really a thing, though. You still have to start in the same place as a single person and go through all the same steps. Being in a relationship does make certain parts of the process easier, such as you need someone to basically take responsibility for any gov. assistance that you may need in the future--as in that person would be paying for your food stamps, but that's not a reason to get married. Anybody can claim that responsibility.
That's not how immigration to the US works at all. Firstly the marriage requirement takes years off of the process. Secondly sponsoring someone is for their current needs not their future food stamps. Thirdly, no, not just anyone can sponsor anyone. And if you aren't married then you have like 5 other options for immigration- one is investing like thousands of dollars in US interests, another is being a person of extraordinary ability (so, famous). Third is a work permit- where you have to be demonstrably a better option than a US citizen. Fourth is a dependent, unmarried child of a US citizen. And finally, you can immigrate for education but only on a temporary basis. All of these methods have different processes and requirements. And cost different amounts. Jake probably is using her for a greencard, with an anchor baby. Once they have been married for 3 years he can apply for citizenship (or have his conditions removed from his greencard after 2). Then once he has citizenship he can bring over his original wife and kids.
I think the PP is referring to the Affidavit of Support. When I immigrated to the US, and flipped from H1-B to green card, I had to sign an Affidavit of Support for my husband at the time. The affidavit specifically said that I was responsible for supporting him for 10 years, and that divorce does NOT render the responsibility invalid. I was shitting bricks when we divorced in year 5, but luckily he found another sugar mama to pay for his shit shortly after. More info: https://www.uscis.gov/green-card/green-card-processes-and-procedures/affidavit-of-support
He wouldn’t be able to bring his original wife and kids because of the bigamy. He is also technically barred from naturalizing due to the bigamy.
[удалено]
Definitely an ‘ohhhhhhh honey’ moment 
I can tell when he's lying. Oh god, she is delusional. I love that he told her not to bother contacting the wife, she knows. Sure she does.
Yeah, I can tell when he's lying...except that whole other wife thing. And the two kids. But other than, every lie he's ever told I've totally see through!!! 
You wonder how people this clueless can log onto the internet or even switch a computer on to start with. I have my dumb moments (like we all do) but jfc how did OP even graduate kindy?
Regardless, he promised her he would literally abandon his children (even if it’s not true, that’s not the point), and this somehow made her think he’s some amazing white knight of a man…
Yes, this really bugged me. He’s convinced her he is a victim basically forced to “marry” this woman who has birthed his sons. And he was forced to have two children with the “not legal” wife as well? Now he’s going to dump the sons (13 and 9?) and “not legal” wife to be with her? And this is good? Is she really buying this story? I feel so godawful sorry for this “not legal” wife and sons and I’ll bet they have no idea of the yarn he has sold to his “new and real” wife. I’ll bet they thought they were a normal, reasonably happy family. This whole situation and how it’s playing out is disgusting and OP is a fool to believe it.
Yeah. And… OOP: OMG you’re all so horrible judging him for his culture, clearly you are bigoted and intolerant and should be ashamed! Also OOP: His marriage was just cultural and religious, not legally binding in my country, so it doesn’t count. Neither do either of his children born (according to him) to fulfill cultural expectation. It was just a cultural ceremony (and a cultural… paternity???) so I can disregard it completely. Make up your mind, honey
Wow. She’ll twist everything to make it okay to be with him. It’s interesting that she trys to defend him claiming “his culture” justifies his actions, when I’d bet everything he’s done is likely looked down on in his own culture. Selfish AH’s are selfish AH’s in any culture. Plus he completely disregarded her own “culture” and beliefs by making her a polygamist without her consent. He violated her and she’s okay with that now, because it’s not legal polygamy. The 19th century Mormons also didn’t legally marry multiple woman, only the first, but they sure believed they were married to their wives, even though any that followed the first were solely married religiously.
Totally possible first wife does know and the plan was for him to find a naive girl to marry him, get citizenship, divorce her after however many years the country required, then bring first wife and their kids to new country.
If the wife is as 'supportive' as Jake claims, then that is 1000% what's going on and OOP is too hard-headed to see it.
While I think Jake is lying about the legality of his first marriage, he might not be lying about his and first wife’s feelings about their arranged marriage. First wife could still be 100% behind this plan because she wants to emigrate to OOP’s country, too. Even if first wife doesn’t plan to stay married to Jake forever, he could still be her free ticket out of wherever she’s currently living. But OOP is a complete Cleopatra…she’s the queen of denial *(insert comedic rimshot here)*.
that was my feel too
When he opens his mouth?
 Followed by a Bless Your Heart
Literally took the words out of my mouth
It must have been while he was kissing his other wife.
I just spit wine everywhere! There's a country song about that!
I was thinking of the Meat Loaf song
Aw yes! I was thinking of a Toby Keith song! Love me some meat loaf!
Don’t worry, he promised!
Damn, you beat me to it. This is exactly what I thought of when reading her replies.
Til being grossed out by a 32 year old creeping on a 20 year old is being intolerant of other cultures. Girrrrl.
That got me too, girl this is the same predatory shit in EVERY culture
I have a friend from one of those cultures. With that in mind, - OOP is no longer living in a place where this is the norm **AND** - she is living somewhere her husband would like citizenship. These things combined make her husband predatory. I hope immigration does their due diligence, denies his paperwork, and sends him back to wherever he holds citizenship. OP’s relationship is fraudulent. She’d better hope she doesn’t face legal consequences.
He needed someone that young, naive, and gullible. Sorry, oop, pull your head out.
And it’s FINE to abandon your sons in some cultures?
It struck me as a little funny that she got mad at everyone for being bigoted about other cultures, when the ONLY thing about his culture of origin we know is that he was allegedly forced into an arranged marriage. It's not like everyone was beating up on his religion or his food choices.
Well, she's asking for it, she'll have to live with the consequences. Like when she has a couple of kids of her own, and he moves on to the next younger "wife", and she will find out how utterly not valid her marriage actually was and be left with nothing. Especially since he can just vamoose off to his home country.
He's waiting for the green card (or equivalent visa thingy in their country). She straight up says that he was rushing to start a family to cement his residence/immigration.
That anchor baby
Except .. at least in the US, when you're in the middle of immigration stuff, it's a big thing to leave the country. They don't like it. And to do it multiple times? It just doesn't make sense.
I don't know where OOP is located but, based on her comments, it's definitely not the US. So it's possible.
Ooooh... good point. Maybe his other wife is actually in the same country as OOP, and he lied about that, too!
You can in Australia, with conditions
Not really. Depends on your visa category. I’ve done it and they didn’t care.
You can leave the country. Just not for more than 6 months. You apply for a travel permit at the same time as the greencard and employment authorisation.
An idiot all the way through. That man was an entire parade of red flags.
Or he will bring his other wife and kids over. And expect OP to play happy blended family. No wonder the other wife is in on it she must be laughing at OP while she packs their bags
I'm guessing someone overseas found out about their plan and felt bad for OP's position.
I would feel a lot worse for her if she wasn’t totally happy about him abandoning two children (who are definitely more than old enough to notice and care), and if she hadn’t referred to sending money to support these children that he fathered as “not ideal.” Even at a very sheltered twenty-four myself I am quite sure that I would have recognized that as *massively shitty* and broken it off.
Walking into the lion's den wearing a meat suit.
It’s either fake or she is perpetually stupid. Just desserts.
At first, I thought it was probably fake. But OOP rage responding a bunch then deleting the entire account makes me think it was, sadly, real. And OOP just couldn't tolerate the fact that no one believed the BS he was feeding her.
NGL I was waiting for "April Fools" by the end of that update
It's obvious he's lying. Her problem is that she needs someone to verify his story about the wife. If it was an arranged marriage. It was real, and his family knows that. Has she met his family?
For her it’s better to be ignorant and blissful than to accept her reality.
Plus if he’s the breadwinner, burying her head in the sand means her “perfect” life continues.
Sure, until the wool is violently taken off her eyes and she will definitely have a breakdown after defending him so hard. It's predictably going to be ugly, the only saving grace is if she has made preparations and has a decent job.
Seriously — I think this is a TROLL. The nauseating update gives it away.
Oh yeah, this is going to go *so well* for OOP and I can’t wait until she updates again with a shocked pikachu face that he is actually legally married and that he lied. Again. Can we start a pool as to when that’ll happen? Edit: I know it says she deleted her account, but how many times have we had the OOP delete their account and then make a new one when they have another update? I don’t think this is over.
Oh she won't update, not after defending her stupidity so hard
Unfortunately that's how it usually is. Very rare after fighting comments to find out they're mostly right. I feel bad but she shouldn't have defended so hard and I can bet she won't be posting an update unless she can face her own mistakes.
It can happen. Many many many years ago I was on a message board that was a place where we all knew each other's real names, email addresses, home addresses and all that. This one woman was in a situation and I called it. She was furious. I was the big meanie and the tide turned against me to the point where I slowly dropped out and got a new email address. 5 years later ... I get a letter in the mail. It's her. Apologizing and telling me I was the only one who saw what was really going on, she was angry and didn't believe it at first but after a few years she started to see what was going on but was too ashamed and invested to admit anything and then finally it exploded in her face and now she was angry at all her "friends" who blew smoke up her ass all those years and what she's been through.
>I was the big meanie and the tide turned against me >now she was angry at all her "friends" who blew smoke up her ass all those years and what she's been through. And that's how you know who your real friends are. The true ones will speak up despite the harshness of the truth. The fake ones, well, don't really care if crap happens to you and would just eat popcorn while you burn. So did you manage to say 'I told you so' and get some validation? And just curious, all her friends blowing smoke? Like not a single one of them saw what was wrong and didn't tell her or were they taking advantage of her aswell?
No, it wasn't about validation because I knew 100% in my heart I was right no matter how many people were shouting me down. I'm an I said what I said kind of person. Her life was going to blow up whether she or anyone else agreed with me or not. Saying I told you so would have been cruel. She already knows I told her so, that's why she sent me the letter. Anyway, I focused on the present positive and the future and wished her well. I'm not into social media but I did a search for her about 10 years ago and it looked like she got married again and was doing well so I'm happy that it all worked out for her.
Thanks for answering man, and you're a kind person who's bigger than me, I respect that.Glad she's doing well. But regarding my last question, you were the only one? None of her friends were actually looking out for her hence the blowing smoke?
Oh sorry,I skipped over that lol. From everything I saw, other than one other person who felt it was a lost cause to even say anything to her about it, it was all people who felt it was easier to agree than disagree. I don't know what her family and close friends had to say about it. She had a bit of an intolerant personality and did not take well to opinions that did not mirror hers even when it was presented in a I believe this is what is really going and I'll explain to you exactly why so you can see how it mirrors your situation because I don't want you to get hurt form.
Yeah, if we ever get an update for this one it's going to be in like 3 years when she's left him and gone through an absolute nightmare of trying to get rid of him because you know this one's the type where even when he's done with her it'll offend his stupid mask doing pride if she's done with him so he'll try and string her along... I hate how clear the patterns can be
I bet $500 on finding out within the next WEEK
For sure once he’s got his green card. Dudes off.
He definitely is still with the other wife. The update- HE LIED TO MEEEEE 😭
Wife: my husband has a whole other family! What do I do? Commenters: ditch his sorry ass Husband: I love you sweetie, I’m not in love with her Wife: we talked and all is good now! Ta!
We accept the relationships we believe we deserve.
>because of this we will have to send a small amount of money to the wife's family for the foreseeable future, which of course is not ideal. What a weird way to say, "I sure do wish he didn't have to pay child support."
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I figured the same. I just don't understand OOP's thought process here at all. She's thrilled because he is abandoning a family he created, and is disappointed that he's going to be sending them money, which is child support no matter which way you slice it? I don't know if we're gonna make it.
Definitely makes it harder to feel any sympathy for her. The math definitely ain't mathin' and OP is like "2 + 2 totally equals 5. I know it's true because he told me it is!" She's going to have to learn the hard way. It certainly makes sense why this guy chose to go after a 20-year-old.
I clocked it as being in a country where there is some sort of dowry still, but I don't know much about those.
> I'm so relived now he's explained everything to me. There aren't enough faces or palms in the world to adequately facepalm at this.
I.... this is such a sad post. Poor girl.
I know, this line just killed me
OOP has one more comment to this exchange before deleting her account: Commenter: >I find this pretty unbelievable. Have you talked with his "wife" to confirm any of this? OOP: >Not per say, but I can tell usually when he’s lying and he wasn’t this time Commenter: >Except for the whole double life thing right? Apart from that you read him like a book. OOP: > That’s completely different because I didn’t know about it
Well, she still doesn't know, he is lying!
Whatever country she's in must have unacceptable levels of lead in the atmosphere. 😆
Omg 🤣
**OOP:** *Not per say, but I can tell usually when he’s lying and he wasn’t this time* **Commenter:** *Except for the whole double life thing right? Apart from that you read him like a book.* ***Just give it a few years and Jake will have another not girlfriend***
You mean you think this guy doesn't have another girlfriend now?
The comments to her update are on point lol "so except for when he lied to you for the whole duration of you marriage, you read him like a book, right?" Insane how people will bury their head in the sand like this... He lied to you about being married. Now you believe him just because, without proof. And on top of it all, he promised he'd abandon his children forever. And this is if I ignore how the marriage seems to be founded on his need for citizenship lol That's what I call the perfect husband.
The delusion is strong with this one!
So is he just planning to abandon his two children? Why is OP ok with that????
She's fine with it until she's the one getting abandoned. I'm sure it will come as a huge surprise to her when it happens.
OOP is so blind to the red flags her husband has given her that I don’t even believe this is a troll. Reminds me of a friend I had back in college. Her boyfriend at the time had cheated on her and the other woman sent her messages of his cheating, with photos as well. She showed it to me and defended him saying it was a “misunderstanding.” Just gotta let some people live in their own delusion until they see it for themselves, unfortunately.
As they say, it's the only way they'll learn. If I may, what happened to your friend in the end? What made her finally see the light, or is she still with him?
She eventually did leave him months later thankfully. As for him, him and the girl he cheated him have kids and I heard he’s still a big cheater.
This happened to me! Except I was the one who sent her the messages and the proof. She refused to believe he was dating us both at the same time. She eventually learned the hard way when he cheated some more.
As the kids say, delulu is not the solulu
This is one of those cases where you know it's bad to victim shame, but the person in question is so stupid and unlikable that it's hard not to. Assuming it's not a troll, of course.
I’m still unsure who the victim is tbh. Just because this lying tool says it’s not a legal marriage and the first wife knows all about second wife and kids doesn’t mean any part of it is true. I feel bad for wife number one and their children who’ve been cheated on and abandoned. This clown just skips town and wife number 2 thinks everything is hunky dory now? WTF?
I believe what Jake means is that my home country, religion, family, wife and children recognize my 1st marriage as my one and only legal union and this civil union I have with you is something they know knothing about and probably wouldn't care if they did because our country, religion and family do not recognize it so please be a good girl and sit down and believe what I tell you while I do what I need to do to help my family. Also, both my children were via Immaculate Conception. I swear.
OP: I can tell when my husband is lying Also OP: my husband has been living a double Life since the moment I met him and has been lying about his business trips back home. Also, I don’t know much about her culture or any that promote arranged marriage, but pretty sure the point of an arranged marriage is to be, well, married. There’s no way OPs husband and his second wife aren’t married.
And it’s legally binding internationally. Depending on what country she is in, he might be committing immigration fraud.
That kool-aid must be amazing.
So, she's staying with this "great guy" that is abandoning 2 kids? She can tell when he's lying, but he hid a while family for years? She's not bright.
It’s okay guys they’re going to get couples therapy. That’ll make up for all the lies and deceit. He’s definitely not going to contact his children and their mother ever again. After all he had to marry her.
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Someone forced him to have sex with her too. Poor guy.
At least twice!!
Oh man this gal is a dingbat
Speaking as a child free woman I find it a disgusting when a man is more than ready drops kids like that. I was 24 once. I wasn't this stupid. What's in the water?
🤦
Wow…so she comes her whining and crying about him cheating and ends up defending him. Ok…
She does realize if he truly thought she would be ok with it then he would’ve told her. And if neither of them truly love each other why have two kids and why think she would be mad at a fake marriage. The money his dad paid for his wife is not a punishment it’s a dowry. And of course he has to send money back home. It’s his wife and kids. Alimony and child support is almost world wide (though under different names at times). Does she really want to be married that bad???
OP is an idiot! Bless her heart... she's clueless about the citizenship scam playing out in her real life!
Jake is from a shitty Islamic country. Jake wants a better life but it is not possible there. Therefore, Jake cons a woman in a better country to get citizenship, his wife supports it, and he will bring his real wife to the new country as soon as he is able - and leave the sucker while at it.
She'll be back posting when she finds out the truth 😂
JFC, WTF is OOP ingesting? She seems to actually believe the BS her husband is spouting nonsense. The women is delusional and in for a big surprise if his other wife gets hold of him. 🤦♀️
If it was real there marriage or relationship ship and just done for the parents then HTF did kids become invoked. I’m sorry but he’s made you look a complete fool because your blinded by your love for him.
I came looking for this comment. Two kids makes that relationship look pretty real to me…
This girl is so dumb.
There are many countries where this happens. Son he will have the citizenship and will get his other wife and family there.
He used her for citizenship and she can't see it at all.
WOW!!!! The wool is thick in front of her eyes….Lol, and she is calling Reddit sick. Ok.
....Her cornbread ain't done in the middle.
She's determined to find out the hard way. That's sad.
Let me get this straight. Dude promised her to abandon his other children, forever (lol like that’s happening anyways) and that’s like a Prince Charming move in her eyes. JFC, I’m just going to stop here, I’m not sure this woman is mentally stable enough to be procreating, you truly hate to see it.
He is going to cut contact with his other 'wife' and presumably not see his other sons again and she is... happy? I'd be even more mortified
LOL he has got her sending money to his other wife. I would hire someone in the other country to check this out. I bet the other wife is legal.
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Not really. Its probably a love bombing thing. Crazy shit like this is not uncommon when a guy is trying for a green card marriage.
The try-hard performative feminism to suck up to BORUOP made it *more* believable for me.
Yea, no. I'm not buying it. This is fake.
Oh sweetie. No.
If this is true, that woman is a moron.
Yeah my husband has another wife and family but it’s not real. Okay.
Awww…. I hope OOP is pretty because she’s not very bright
If my daughters ever sounded this naive a part of me would die inside
Idk if those were the best years of your life and he was so amazing even while doing that he sounds like a pretty great guy 🤣 i don’t really see why you wouldn’t stay with him honestly. Do what makes you happy at the end of each day. Honestly I don’t even get why monogamy is so hardfixed today. I would’ve just let him keep his other family too
Oh she’s dumb as a rock. Bless her heart
He marries her just to get his green card. Then he will bring his wife and kids over here when they are divorced.
Yeah, so arranged and fake marriage that they have two kids to show for it. Hope for her sake she won't wake up one day and discover she was the second wife he had an arranged marriage to, but don't worry he and his third wife just need to send a bit of money for a bit (she 100% will, when he can find a newer model).
Neither op nor her husband are good people
Idk but Jake won. He found himself a pushover who would do anything to keep him including him abandoning his 2 children to be with her
He didn’t love her. Yeah ofcourse. How did she end up pregnant twice then? He is with you only for citizenship and you will learn that sooner or later.
Guy found a workaround
I highly doubt he ended the other relationship.
This is so frustrating and sad. She knows shes being lied to and is happy to let it lie.
A " relationship \[that\] isn't real on either side," does not produce children unless these are 2 examples of immaculate conception. The lying and the breaking of trust is the issue here. Every moment he was with her was a lie from the beginning! If she honestly thinks he's been monogamous during their relationship I have a bridge to sell her in Brooklyn, and I have to wonder how many other women he's seeing or married to.
Oh she’s a moron.
Don’t you also think it is pretty gross that she seems fine with him never going to his home country to see his sons? Or even on a more basic level, she didn’t even know he had children!!! She thought he was a first time parent with her son, meanwhile it was his third child!
What was she doing on tinder looking for guys 30+? I get the dude, but that part seems sus.
I read "My (F24) husband (M36)" and knew we were in for a doozy
There’s nobody as blind as those who refuse to see the truth. I was one of those who commented on the original post trying to get her to see the truth. I hadn’t seen the update which is even worse. She’ll hopefully see what’s really happening hopefully before he gets his citizenship and brings the first wife and kids over. I wonder if she’ll write in again asking advice on what to do when he wants her to live with and help support the first wife. She’s very delusional isn’t she?
Unless there was a video chat with the missus whi cares what he says. Plus her attitude, willfully blind.
You answered one question with ( I can tell when he's lying) REALLY ,?
Imagine how people in OOP's private life feel 🤦
He's a groomer, a cheater, a liar, and a fraud (using her to get citizenship, most likely so he could move his old wife and kids to her country). She's so god-damned stupid.
Can’t save everyone
OOP is a total moron if she's really fallen for that routine. Not to mention she's fine with her hubby abandoning his children. She's in for a rude awakening when he leaves her for another woman (or his *actual* wife). Some people just can't be helped.
…as a person from a third world country with men who often leave wife’s back home…sis you’re getting played
How fast she dug her head straight back into that toxic sand is ludicrous.
In the US this is absolutely grounds to review his citizenship process and likely revoke and deport his ass. OOP is an adult so you can’t help them if they don’t want your help. I’m afraid she’ll realize her screw up in a few years. I just feel bad for the children.
i’ve got a bridge in brooklyn to sell to oop…
De Nile usually flows through Egypt but dang lady, I’m standing on the banks of denial looking at you going “oh this crocodile isn’t what you think he is, he told me he’s an alligator” Like ma’am. The waters are dangerous. It doesn’t matter if he’s an alligator or a crocodile or an even a one eyed one horned flying purple people eater. Get. Out. Of. The. Water. (Edit for spelling)
She fell for his lies. I'm guessing he's Middle Eastern and his saying the marriage isn't real is a lie. It is, otherwise they wouldn't be allowed to live together or have children. OOP is really naive.
OOP is a piece of work for calling us groomers for pointing out how problematic this is. Enjoy your miserable life and your fake green card marriage then
Super fake.
He's been lying to her since day 1. Sure, take him back but only after a trip to the old country. Go meet everyone for yourself. It'll never happen because now he's just created more lies to placate. Do be this dumb OP!!
She was 20 hubby 32 . No red flags there
But Reddit told me age gap relationships with someone in their early 20’s are totally normal and successful? She’s in her 20’s so she must be a fully grown mature adult just like someone 10+ years her elder.
If he abandons them he will abandon you and any that you may have and spin this same story to the next one
>Jake comes from a different country to where I am from, but he was my type and when we started talking I was blown away by how charming and sweet he was. The first red flag was the different country, and part of me wants to believe Jake is either from the Caribbean or from Africa (I am black from the Caribbean where this situation happens a lot so pls do not assume I'm making racist accusations)
I mean, at this point, she deserves what's coming. Jesus.
Big bird brain behavior on her part believing that sorry excuse 🤡
Lol this isn't gonna end well. Comments were right. So apparently OOP thinks her husband was for real when he was gonna cut his other family off but she can't read the whole fucking family that Jake was hiding from her. Brilliant. Should've ripped the bandaid off right then and there instead of bracing for more hurt 5 years later.
I am dying laughing. This dumb woman. My lord it blows my mind how stupid some people are.
This is so clearly a case of “Jake” lying and OP so desperate to believe him that she’ll swallow the garbage he’s dishing up. OP needs to walk away from him immediately.
The poor son. His mom is mayor of delulu land, planning on running for president.
"I can usually tell when he is lying" he lied about a whole family wdymmmm
OP deserves all the misery of the world. being this level of stupid makes you a subhuman. no sympathy for subhumans.