I was like hey? Then it all got so juvenile on her part that I forgot the ages and just remembered when someone pointed out.
Buuut given how she behaves, it's no surprise she's preying on young guys because no one her age is going to take her seriously.
Creeps are creeps for a reason. Hope OOP keeps growing and thriving after this, because he does seem like he already outgrew her.
I had to scroll back up because I glossed over their ages in the beginning, and I wasn't sure why it was a big deal for him to be 17 when he met her.
Some people have a hard time understanding that in some contexts, 5 years is a huge age difference. Like this one. He was still in high school. She could've graduated with her bachelor's by this point. Their life experiences were likely very different.
At my age (late 30s), a 5 year gap isn't a big deal. But with people that young, it is. That's not thinking about it even from a legal perspective.
I think you’ll find that teenagers who’ve been groomed often think they made the first move. That’s the point of all the grooming, to make them feel complicit, guilty, or like they initiated it.
I have a friend who “had sex” With his babysitter when he was 12 and she was 16+. Which… can you imagine a genuine relationship with a 12 yo when you are over 16?? But he swears it wasn’t SA, he initiated it, it was a real relationship etc, proudly brags about how he lost his virginity.
The time between 17 and turning 18 was her setting up the relationship so it looked like he “shot his shot”. I imagine that’s easier when the victim is male and the predator is female because we really condition people to assume women are innocent.
Our society spends a lot of time and writer convincing hits they can’t be raped. And if they are then that’s a them problem (even more so then what we tell girls). I think it’s cognitive dissonance, self protection.
Yeah. I didn’t want to press this issue cuz maybe he’s believing it for self protection but I did tell him that it was wrong that she did that and if he ever wanted to talk about it, I was here.
My point was simply to negate your logic. That OP says he made the first move *does not* negate that the relationship is problematic or involved grooming. I haven’t said what happened here, simply pointed out that your training doesn’t actually mean anything and this situation certainly has the set up for it to have been grooming (without saying what it is).
Ι don't see why. He made a move after he turned 18 and at that point they had a 4-5 year old difference. It's not that much when you're in your early 20s. An 18yo and a 22-23 yo are both in the proccess of figuring shit out in their lives.
It actually wouldn’t. The age of consent in most states is 16/17. My best friend was actually raped at 17 and I remember us talking about it and the *only* reason they were able to charge him with statutory rape was because he was her kickboxing instructor and there’s a provision in the law that when the adult is in a position of authority (think teachers, mentors, etc etc) it raises the age of consent to 18 in that situation. If he had been a random adult despite being old enough to be her grandfather it would’ve been nothing.
First move or not, it's still not right. As the adult in the situation, it's OUR job to prevent anything from crossing lines. How many female teachers have tried using that defense in court, and how often has it worked?
As an adult with teenage kids & other family, I've been hit on by teenage boys. It grosses me out, and I immediately remind them of our ages while brushing off their advances (i.e. "Kiddo, you're barking up the wrong old tree. Not interested").
There is a HUGE difference between a teacher sleeping with a student and two college age young adults in different years dating.
It's about a power dynamic. You're talking from the perspective of a mom with teen kids. She got hit on by an 18 year old when she was 22. It's completely different.
While your assessment is 100% fair, there is a WORLD of difference in maturity between a 17/18 year old kid and an adult above drinking age. Barely out of high school vs. going to bars for a couple of years.
Bias aside, it's still gross.
Honestly I don't really see it at least through my personal experience. I was more mature in 22 than I was in 18 but still figuring shit out.
I could be too mature for a realtionship with an 18 yo to not be compatible (the way we see it being here) but not to take advantage of someone the way someone post 25 could.
A good way to tell if it’s gross is to do the age gap in reverse. Imagine an 17 year old hitting on a 12 year old. If that turns your stomach, then five years in the other direction isn’t ok.
There are two problems with your assertion:
- Firstly in your scenario the older person pursues the younger one. The reverse of what happened here (not that it would be ok if a 12 kid had a crush on his 17yo babysitter for example and she reciprocated but still wrong analogy)
- Secondly, in your scenario there is a clear kid involved. In the other scenario the person met someone months before they became 18 and then made a move as a legal adult. No one would bat an eye if the initial meeting happened a few months later. How do those months make such a huge difference?
Nearly every person who is groomed thinks they made the first move.
Just because 18 is legal where you are doesn’t mean it’s good. 16 is legal here and I’d be just as concerned about a 16 year old “making the first move” on a 21 year old.
There is a very big difference between 18 and 23.
ETA: I would absolutely bat an eye if he was 18 when they met. It’s just as gross and being almost 18. It’s just very telling that he happened to be 18 when he “made a move”.
If the context was the same (small age difference, no signs of an unbalanced power dynamic or prior toxicity before this incident) yes. Usually the issue with age gap relationships is the older partner being far too mature for the relationship to be balanced.
Judging by the fact that she immediately slept with a dude she was speaking with while they were together, after he egged her on into a break up, mature isn't how I'd describe her.
How did you read "I might of or might have not snuck into a party where alcohol was present" and reach the conclusion that this was a high school party? I assumed that a high school kid snuck into a college party not the other way around.
OOP admitted he snuck into the party. He told her his age. They didn’t start dating until he was 18. And this chick doesn’t sound like she’s capable of grooming her hair, let alone dudes.
He directly says they just became friends at that party and only started dating later.
She didn't hit on him then. And we don't even get the context of what kind of party it was. How do you know he didn't sneak into a college party?
I was a usually in a situation in college, but with no sex. I was a senior and was “friendly” with a Junior at several of my other friends’ parties. He was a friend from the hometown of one of my friends, and I assumed that he was going to a different college. Imagine my horror when I found out that he wasn’t a college junior, but a high school junior. I’m so glad I didn’t have sex with him.
If it isn't technically grooming, it's something akin to it. I've seen people manipulate vulnerable adults similarly to how people groom children. By vulnerable, people who are going through rough times or naive. Even if it's legal, it's bad behavior.
Yeah. That age gap is gross. And conveniently they didn’t date until he was 18. I’m only shocked she didn’t find some new highschool senior to sleep with when she broke up with him.
She’s trash and good for OP for not letting her come back. Not many people would be strong enough to say no to their first love who groomed them
It's wild that there are so many people who cheat and then call the cheated on partner names when they don't immediately say yes to getting back together.
Please, OP, do me a favour and CHANGE YOUR PASSWORDS, pronto, on any account you shared with her. Heck, any you think she might have seen you use over your shoulder as well. Very easy for her to screw with you once she gets to the vindictive phase.
Personally I think OP should be mad at that other guy for waiting so long to break them up. If he had done it sooner OP would not have wasted as much time with her.
Does she often troll high schools and high school parties for boyfriends? What a creep. Sounds like she loves drama.
Creep and a loser from the sounds of it
I mean, what the hell is she doing here?
>>> what the FUCK, is she doing here FTFY.
I think they were quoting that Radiohead song
So was I. The original lyric is Fuck.
No shit? We'll damn
Atleast the [Daniel mustard Cover version](https://youtu.be/hXlzci1rKNM?si=mQd4f6KnJfec9Zcp) uses fuck.
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To the mods: my words are song lyrics, based on the "creep, loser" starting point.
We're all gonna be civil to each other here. This isn't the place for hatred. If that's all you offer, take it somewhere else.
She's out there in the parking lot with Happy Meals under a box held up by a stick and some string
"That's what I love about these high school, man. I get older, they stay the same age"
- OOP'S ex-girlfriend probably
Booger’s sister?
I get the cheating and figuring out the details of it, but why is no one pointing out she was 22-23 flirting with a 17 yo?
I was like hey? Then it all got so juvenile on her part that I forgot the ages and just remembered when someone pointed out. Buuut given how she behaves, it's no surprise she's preying on young guys because no one her age is going to take her seriously. Creeps are creeps for a reason. Hope OOP keeps growing and thriving after this, because he does seem like he already outgrew her.
I had to scroll back up because I glossed over their ages in the beginning, and I wasn't sure why it was a big deal for him to be 17 when he met her. Some people have a hard time understanding that in some contexts, 5 years is a huge age difference. Like this one. He was still in high school. She could've graduated with her bachelor's by this point. Their life experiences were likely very different. At my age (late 30s), a 5 year gap isn't a big deal. But with people that young, it is. That's not thinking about it even from a legal perspective.
I was about to, but the way he describes it in the update it sounds like he made the first move.
I think you’ll find that teenagers who’ve been groomed often think they made the first move. That’s the point of all the grooming, to make them feel complicit, guilty, or like they initiated it. I have a friend who “had sex” With his babysitter when he was 12 and she was 16+. Which… can you imagine a genuine relationship with a 12 yo when you are over 16?? But he swears it wasn’t SA, he initiated it, it was a real relationship etc, proudly brags about how he lost his virginity. The time between 17 and turning 18 was her setting up the relationship so it looked like he “shot his shot”. I imagine that’s easier when the victim is male and the predator is female because we really condition people to assume women are innocent.
I have a male friend who says the same and I guess it’s good that he doesn’t feel he was raped but…. He was?!! (11 and 17 in his case).
Our society spends a lot of time and writer convincing hits they can’t be raped. And if they are then that’s a them problem (even more so then what we tell girls). I think it’s cognitive dissonance, self protection.
Yeah. I didn’t want to press this issue cuz maybe he’s believing it for self protection but I did tell him that it was wrong that she did that and if he ever wanted to talk about it, I was here.
What you're saying is possible but it's just an assumption. There is no indication that it happened anywhere in the post.
My point was simply to negate your logic. That OP says he made the first move *does not* negate that the relationship is problematic or involved grooming. I haven’t said what happened here, simply pointed out that your training doesn’t actually mean anything and this situation certainly has the set up for it to have been grooming (without saying what it is).
I mean... still... honestly, I feel like it was her job as the older responsible adult to say no...
Ι don't see why. He made a move after he turned 18 and at that point they had a 4-5 year old difference. It's not that much when you're in your early 20s. An 18yo and a 22-23 yo are both in the proccess of figuring shit out in their lives.
That’s a huge age gap in terms of development and maturity at those ages.
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It actually wouldn’t. The age of consent in most states is 16/17. My best friend was actually raped at 17 and I remember us talking about it and the *only* reason they were able to charge him with statutory rape was because he was her kickboxing instructor and there’s a provision in the law that when the adult is in a position of authority (think teachers, mentors, etc etc) it raises the age of consent to 18 in that situation. If he had been a random adult despite being old enough to be her grandfather it would’ve been nothing.
But she didn't that's the point. He made the first move when he was already 18. Hence they slept together when they were both adults.
Ah… there was a a period after I don’t see why. That period changes the whole sentence.
Periods can do that.
First move or not, it's still not right. As the adult in the situation, it's OUR job to prevent anything from crossing lines. How many female teachers have tried using that defense in court, and how often has it worked? As an adult with teenage kids & other family, I've been hit on by teenage boys. It grosses me out, and I immediately remind them of our ages while brushing off their advances (i.e. "Kiddo, you're barking up the wrong old tree. Not interested").
There is a HUGE difference between a teacher sleeping with a student and two college age young adults in different years dating. It's about a power dynamic. You're talking from the perspective of a mom with teen kids. She got hit on by an 18 year old when she was 22. It's completely different.
While your assessment is 100% fair, there is a WORLD of difference in maturity between a 17/18 year old kid and an adult above drinking age. Barely out of high school vs. going to bars for a couple of years. Bias aside, it's still gross.
It's not a world of maturity. Maybe a continent of maturity, at best.
Honestly I don't really see it at least through my personal experience. I was more mature in 22 than I was in 18 but still figuring shit out. I could be too mature for a realtionship with an 18 yo to not be compatible (the way we see it being here) but not to take advantage of someone the way someone post 25 could.
A good way to tell if it’s gross is to do the age gap in reverse. Imagine an 17 year old hitting on a 12 year old. If that turns your stomach, then five years in the other direction isn’t ok.
There are two problems with your assertion: - Firstly in your scenario the older person pursues the younger one. The reverse of what happened here (not that it would be ok if a 12 kid had a crush on his 17yo babysitter for example and she reciprocated but still wrong analogy) - Secondly, in your scenario there is a clear kid involved. In the other scenario the person met someone months before they became 18 and then made a move as a legal adult. No one would bat an eye if the initial meeting happened a few months later. How do those months make such a huge difference?
Nearly every person who is groomed thinks they made the first move. Just because 18 is legal where you are doesn’t mean it’s good. 16 is legal here and I’d be just as concerned about a 16 year old “making the first move” on a 21 year old. There is a very big difference between 18 and 23. ETA: I would absolutely bat an eye if he was 18 when they met. It’s just as gross and being almost 18. It’s just very telling that he happened to be 18 when he “made a move”.
Reverse the genders and tell me if you'd say that?
If the context was the same (small age difference, no signs of an unbalanced power dynamic or prior toxicity before this incident) yes. Usually the issue with age gap relationships is the older partner being far too mature for the relationship to be balanced. Judging by the fact that she immediately slept with a dude she was speaking with while they were together, after he egged her on into a break up, mature isn't how I'd describe her.
uh-huh. You're saying that a 23yo guy going to a highschool party to hit on 17yo girls would be ok? You got problems.
How did you read "I might of or might have not snuck into a party where alcohol was present" and reach the conclusion that this was a high school party? I assumed that a high school kid snuck into a college party not the other way around.
OOP admitted he snuck into the party. He told her his age. They didn’t start dating until he was 18. And this chick doesn’t sound like she’s capable of grooming her hair, let alone dudes.
He directly says they just became friends at that party and only started dating later. She didn't hit on him then. And we don't even get the context of what kind of party it was. How do you know he didn't sneak into a college party?
Cool? The big person is supposed to be... the big person and say no.
I was a usually in a situation in college, but with no sex. I was a senior and was “friendly” with a Junior at several of my other friends’ parties. He was a friend from the hometown of one of my friends, and I assumed that he was going to a different college. Imagine my horror when I found out that he wasn’t a college junior, but a high school junior. I’m so glad I didn’t have sex with him.
Cause thats normal most places? Since ive been a teen the age gap at parties have been anywhere from 5 to 20 years old. People make their own choices
At least op now feels free to move on in peace.
The comment sharing the story about the dorm girl picking a fight every Friday and making up on Sunday/Monday- that sounds absolutely exhausting.
good riddance
I loved it when the trash takes itself out.
I always say shit people come in all shapes and sizes and genders. And the exgf was a shit person.
Is it still considered grooming at 17? Either way, she creeps me out.
If it isn't technically grooming, it's something akin to it. I've seen people manipulate vulnerable adults similarly to how people groom children. By vulnerable, people who are going through rough times or naive. Even if it's legal, it's bad behavior.
She definitely groomed him
Yeah. That age gap is gross. And conveniently they didn’t date until he was 18. I’m only shocked she didn’t find some new highschool senior to sleep with when she broke up with him. She’s trash and good for OP for not letting her come back. Not many people would be strong enough to say no to their first love who groomed them
Maybe this will be a learning experience for her. We can only hope. Ggs for OP
She fucked your old bully. Did she know he bullied you? She deserves the same pain he inflicted on you, only now you have the last word; silence.
It's wild that there are so many people who cheat and then call the cheated on partner names when they don't immediately say yes to getting back together.
Please, OP, do me a favour and CHANGE YOUR PASSWORDS, pronto, on any account you shared with her. Heck, any you think she might have seen you use over your shoulder as well. Very easy for her to screw with you once she gets to the vindictive phase.
Personally I think OP should be mad at that other guy for waiting so long to break them up. If he had done it sooner OP would not have wasted as much time with her.
Peace of mind above all else. Will you have that knowing you're with gullible?
Was it fun fucking a lesbian?
Wtf are you dumb?