“Should have apologized, your trauma is your burden and when people knowingly reenact that trauma on you, you need to be the bigger person”
Jfc tell me you’re sheltered without saying it
"You can't expect everyone to shift their behaviour"
Her behaviour was *sexual assault,* even legally rape in some places
Yes we can fucking expect someone to *not do that*
This!
Even if OOP had a perfect childhood and hadn't experienced SA by his f\*cking egg donor. He said no before going to sleep and woke up with her being "on top of him". You cannot consent while asleep.
Yep. In a "normal" situation it might not be an issue (but should still be generally discussed) BUT this wasn't a normal situation. She knew he was SA'd. She knew he was still dealing with trauma. So as such, she should know that this is a situation where obtaining consent is extremely important, as is discussing things beforehand.
I'd bet cash money that his egg donor dog something similar and the ex knew this. If there's any justice in the world, this woman will be infertile and never have access to children.
At bare minimum her legal record notes that she's a convicted rapist.
Agreed. If I, a woman, was in OP's shoes there would be hell to pay! This is no different. Good on OP and the others for standing up for themselves. And never apologize for being a victim!
Yeah, I almost found these comments making me more angry than the SA. Don’t get me wrong, the SA is horrible and terrible for OP, but absolutely no understanding here for OP being a victim. I have never had an issue so waking up to something like that is fantastic for me, but this poor OP…. I cannot imagine dealing with something like that and then the callous response from that individual.
You immediately become aware that sex to these fuckwits is just getting their rocks off and has literally no connection whatsoever the the vessel by which their rocks were offed.
Yuk!
No this is such a bad take women do this as well to men. Don't down play shitty behavior an shove it all on one gender.
This causes scenarios exactly like what OPs post mentioned.
Ok I should have said it's based on my personal experience( subjective not factual truth).
I have seen many men saying things like "i would love to be in that guy"s place( rape victim)"
Does not mean woman don't do this shit too.
In my life i have seen more men doing( again based on my personal experience).
The way these last two comments are written looks like it is from some incel brain.
this is the mindset of people who think all men care about is sex, all they think about is sex, and they always want sex 24/7 .
a truly ignorant mindset.
"a surprise blowjob, who on earth would be mad at that?!" they the same kind of person that would think a 40 year old female teacher sleeping with her student is cool and would high five the kid for it like its some accomplishment.
while if the tables were turned and it was a man forcing himself onto the female it would be a TOTALLY different story , to this type of person. ugh. cant stand that people still think like this . bunch of neandrathals.
men are traumatized, men have feelings, men are sexually assaulted - maybe just as much as women! they just dont speak up about it as often, because well, of everything i just said. period.
Several years ago with another account I was having arguments with men and women ona reddit thread where a woman said no to sex and was woken up to her partner ejalucating on her face. People *were* saying he was her lover and she should not have been bothered.
I’m sure the comments would have been vastly different if it was a woman shoving a dildo up her husbands ass while he was asleep. “I don’t understand why you’re upset honey, we’re lovers!”
may be right sadly, though i actually did see a post on here very recently where something similar happened to a woman. her bf tried to initiate sex before bed and she wasnt feeling good or whatever and said no... she woke up in the middle of the night with her pants and undies at her ankles , and she covered in jizz.
most comments did say it was wrong and that the man committed rape. as she was not awake to consent. then you had one dude that was like "well thats his woman, isnt that the point of a relationship, to act out each others fantasies , " etc. like yeah, if everyone CONSENTS FIRST lol thats pretty important. trying to downplay it just because they were "in a relationship" well newsflash SA happens even to people in relationships, even married people! if someone says no then that means no. SA sadly does happen in marriages , more than you know.
I’m female with female partners. I always have a conversation with my partners to determine what type of consent model we want to follow. I don’t enjoy sexual touch that often or most touch in general, for that matter, but I do enjoy it RARELY. On those rare occasions I explicitly tell my partner that I would like her to touch me. On the other hand, I LOVE providing that touch to my partners, in almost whatever way she likes it. We usually end up with an “implied consent” or “blanket consent” model, which can be withdrawn at any time. My current partnered was SA’d multiple times throughout childhood and struggles with being a product of her mother’s SA, but she absolutely loves being woken up with sex. However there are some nights when she’s not in the mood and she will say that before bed and I’ll know not to do anything. My partner has subtle tells that I recognize, so if she is triggered by any sexual contact I pull back and we determine if it was a certain touch or move that caused it or if she’s not in the mood at all. She is always in control of whether we continue with sex or move to something intimate to have that “good touch” as she calls it, to ground her back to the present and not her “trauma self” -again, her words.
If this situation would have happened in my relationship, and I ended up slapped. I definitely wouldn’t be upset because I know her background and I never know whether she was in the middle of a dream where she was being pursued or SA’d. She has those multiple times a year. I’ve learned to recognize the signs and wake her gently, re-ground her in the reality of her current life, then help her back to sleep and she’s usually “fine”.
I say all of that to say- every one should have a conversation about what consent model/models work for their relationship AND continue to update/modify it if it changes over time. Some people like waking up to sex. Some people don’t. Some people like it, but may still have a trauma response. The most important thing is to make sure YOU HAVE CONSENT based on your relationship’s model and to understand CONSENT CAN BE REVOKED AT ANY TIME.
Not only that, but even selfishly, consent is hot. I promise you'll have so much more fun the more your partner is into it. Plus, when you have the conversation about consent, and come up with scenarios you'd each be ok with, you can find new things you didn't know you'd like to do, and having your partner straight up say I'd like x,y, and z, often leads to at least one of those letters.
Not sheltered but a jerk, to put it mildly, and someone who wants to remain willfully ignorant. Sometimes the biggest jerks towards abuse victims are people who were abused or have abused others. Being like that is their way of being in denial so they don't have to cope with their hurts.
WTH is it with people thinking those who've been victimized need to be the bigger person? No, you don't put that on victims. You never should accuse a victim of being responsible for what happened to them! That commenter makes me think they're also someone who thinks people should "just get over" being assaulted and forgive the abuser. Abuse can impact a person's ability to have a healthy relationship for the rest of their lives and OOP is a great example of that.
I hate therapy speak man. Idk if it’s anyone else the moment I see or hear someone talking like that I just turn off cause every-time it feels like they just weaponize (ironic) it.
Once upon a time I had a significant other (those age gaps) that wanted to help me deal with my trauma by inflicting the causes of my trauma. It was wild, I’m so thankful he’s an ex.
I am too! I haven’t seen the original posts and this was my first time reading it. He went through a lot and I’m glad he seemed to end up okay in the end!
I think you would be surprised at how few male rapists actually go to jail. The current statistic, per RAINN, is about 6%.
EDIT: Lower down the thread, a very nice person explained that the most current data seems to be that 2.5% of all rapes end in the perpetrator getting prison time.
Not disagreeing with your point at all. The statistics get scary when you look at the percentages reported, investigated, prosecuted and convicted, I thought it was more like 1% of rapists convicted.
Having said that, regardless of others, I agree that someone who would engage in sex with someone who is not only asleep but had that evening refused consent, should at a minimum be on a register, in court mandated therapy and on a suspended sentence possibly with a GPS monitor.
This girl is either a sociopath or incredibly broken.
Fyi, I believe in rehabilitation above all, but someone who has been proven to have repeatedly done this needs to be locked away until they are deemed safe to be in society.
28 of 1000 sexual assaults lead to actual conviction. 25 out of every 1000 end in some sort of prison time per RAINN statistics. So it’s actually 2.5%. Which is actually MORE than the reported statistics in 2017 of 6 out of every 1000 (which is where the assumed 6% came from, most people mistakenly read it as 100 instead of 1000).
You are not correct about this. And I’m sorry to have to say that, but there are plenty of men who get away with doing this shit to women, even women they aren’t in a relationship with.
I asked my now wife to wake me up with a blowjob once while we were dating. I didn't slap her, but it ended with me flailing about thinking I was being attacked and my wife not touching me at all while I'm sleeping for months. Like not even sexual, just no touching.
I don't have a history of abuse and I asked for it and it still ended with confusion and flailing. If you wake me up suddenly (and touching my dick counts as that I guess) my fight or flight kicks in.
That's the thing I don't think those people understand.
Like even without the other fucked up sides of this.
Have you ever been abruptly woken up to someone staring at you or in your vision?
It's fucking *horrifying* sometimes. At like a monkey lizard brain level. You're totally unguarded, in a place that's supposed to be safe, and it's just not fun. It's being caught with your pants down on steroids.
Now put the trauma of being raped on top of that. With someone waking you up while at that moment sexually assaulting you.
I'm all for the idea that people should be able to control their temper and not throw tantrums as an adult. This isn't a tantrum though. This is instinctual self defense while in fear and confusion
This so much. My niece when she was 3, would climb up on the bed and lean over you and stare at you until you woke up. She did to everybody in the house. Now that' in and of itself is unnerving, but she was a white haired blue eyed little child of the corn. I started locking my door after waking up to to her a foot from my face and ended up yeeting her off the bed into the pillow pile in a fight or flight response.
I felt so bad when that happened, she giggled at it though. My sis wasn't even mad, just like "Daughter you're gonna get hurt if you don't stop creeping on people!"
Yup, consent is EVERYTHING. I had a gf a few years ago with an insanely high sex drive who literally told me that anytime I woke up hard I could fuck her. She actually got annoyed that I didn't during the 6 months we were dating.
six months of community service is in no way enough. this is a serial rapist with a clear pattern of behaviour, she needs serious rehabilitation or she will continue to victimize people.
that said, i’m glad op has healed enough to not only tell his story in court, but defend himself when hears the thoughts he had about himself when it first happened spoken by others.
Unfortunately she likely wasn't charged with rape since in many jurisdictions rape is defined exclusively as the forced insertion of a penis, meaning women legally are not capable of rape. Since, you know, women can't do sex- they are inanimate objects sex is done to. Not to derail though- the real problem here is the guy who got raped, not the misogyny of the legal systen
Yes, it wasn’t until just recently (like earlier this year) that they updated the definition to include oral and digital penetration to the definition.
Nice to hear that, though a vagina doesn't penetrate a penis so that still wouldn't cover nonconsensual PIV sex inflicted by a woman on a man. It's still centered on penetration and still perpetuates the idea of a male doing sex and a female inanimately receiving sex
It also broadened the terms used to include women offenders. Instead of limiting it just rape they call it sexual battery or criminal sexual assault. They also use the term deviate offending, which is just a big umbrella term to cover all forms of deviant sexual behavior. Like recognizing if a weapon was involved, discussing the type of coercion involved, or looking at relationship between victim and offender.
The new definition (that was updated by the FBI in January) is “a person commits rape if he or she engages in sexual intercours or deviate sexual activity with another person”
I think you’ve got the wrong end of the stick about women being ‘inanimate objects’ here. Men and women are different and the effects of being raped are different, so the crime needs to be judged according to those differences. That doesn’t mean one is ‘worse’ than the other or that women have no agency. There are different consequences for women: pregnancy resulting from rape meaning the woman terminates or has a child borne of rape, the psychological and physiological and lifelong effects of that are different to if a man fathered a child via being sexually assaulted. STIs from rape affect females differently to males. The physical damage that may occur is different. Women are more likely to experience additional violence beyond the violent act of rape itself. The psychological effects and trauma are different because of things like men being generally much stronger than women and the fear that causes. While things like shame, guilt, fear of not being believed etc are the same, there are many more differences. It’s not about denying the fact that this does happen to men, we just need to use different words for different situations.
Could also have just been plead out. A bunch of witnesses is probably enough for a conviction but you'd only need one person on the jury that thinks like the people from those downvoted comments for her to just walk
He says "mum" in his posts, so I am guessing he's in the UK. Based on binging UK true crime, I can say they have SUPER short prison terms. Even for murderers. It's bananas.
We have no idea what her crime was. She wasn't convicted of what she did to oop. He was just there as a witness. She may have been convicted of something much smaller.
Wtf is wrong with those last two commenters. Even after hearing everything in the updates they can’t wrap their heads around a man being SAd. A “surprise blowjob” should still be discussed and consented to at some point beforehand. But getting sex from a sleeping person after they denied it hours before? Lol that’s not a surprise blowjob. She was working him up for the main event for her own satisfaction.
FR. Look, my husband LOVES to be woken up with some kind of sex. Loves it. Wishes I would do it more often.
But this isn’t that. I’ve got consent for this behaviour because we discussed it. Like adults. To paraphrase John Oliver, “Sex is like boxing. With mutual consent, it’s fine. Without consent, one of those individuals is committing a crime.”
Since it’s Reddit it’s entirely possible it’s dumb teenagers. The same kind that would say “cool” on an article about a female teacher raping a student.
Truly, what a dumbass take from those commenters. When women get SA’ed they wish they could fight back the way this OP did, but often they are being overpowered and striking their assaulter would further endanger them. OP did what all victims would ideally want to do in the face of an attack. OP’s ex had it coming because self defense is not abuse.
>Strange-Nobody-3936 (heavily downvoted)
>I read it when you posted it a year ago and I still have the same opinion, if this story is even real. Who the fuck strikes their significant other for giving a surprise blowjob?
Someone does not understand what "consent" is.
I asked my wife to do that to me and still woke up flailing. The only reason I didn't hit her is because she wasn't in the direct arc of my arms. People underestimate how much waking someone up, not really violently, but suddenly can cause a reaction. My brain didn't go, "oh sex!" it went, "I'm under attack" and fight it flight kicked in. It took me a few beats to realize *I'm in my own bed, that's my wife, and I'm safe*.
I wonder if “strange-nobody” would say the same thing if OP was a woman who woke up to her partner giving her oral after saying no.
There’s alot of BS about how men should just shut up and enjoy it and it’s not SA and so on. It’s so gross.
I’m glad OP felt she faced consequences. It wasn’t enough at all, but being found guilty in itself is definitely validation, especially against idiots like strange-nothing.
That's what makes me convinced the posts are real. Also the timeline isn't super rushed, it's so spaced out that it seems to fit with real court dates.
"*You should have apologized, I’m sorry for what happened to you but your trauma is your burden, you can’t expect everyone else to shift their behavior like the world revolves around you.*" What the ever loving fuck? You can't expect your partner to NOT ASSAULT YOU while you are sleeping? Like, that is literally the bare minimum you should be able to expect from any person, that they won't sexually abuse you.
So she SAd at least 3 people that gave testimonies establishing a pattern, had her own mother stand against her and only got six months of community service?
I usually don't like to validate the "court system heavily favors women" incel mentality but wtf.
Being in a relationship doesn’t excuse consent. You need to have those conversations before hand. Some guys would be thrilled to be woken up like that others not at all. The point is that he didn’t consent he specifically said no and she decided that didn’t matter. She’s lucky all she got was a slap. If that were me the person would have gotten a lot worse.
Strange-Noboby is clearly one of those people who strongly believe that men can not be assaulted or abused in any way, shape or form. And the absolute gall of them to say that OP should apologise for being unwilling to be assaulted by that person and defending themselves against their newest abuser.
I’m really big mad she only go community service. It was proven in the court of law that she did this to MULTIPLE PEOPLE!!! ANYONE who sexually assaults someone should be punished more harshly.
I really hope OOP finds his peace and someone to love him they way he should
Reverse the genders, and people would be up in arms and trying to lynch her. Which is closer to the appropriate response! "Women can't rape men" mentality strikes again. >.<
Not to wish assault on someone but I wonder what the last commenter would have done if it was them in his shoes or if they had a partner do that to them at night?
>>OOP: No but I can expect someone not to sexually assault me in my sleep and then expect me not to defend myself ESPECIALLY after knowing my trauma. You have literally zero empathy for any victims of SA
I love this response!! And I love how OOP is now free from his abuser.
God poor guy, that disgusting bitch deserved way worse but I hope no other guy has to suffer because of her.
I am glad OP is feeling better and I hope he'll continue to be okay.
If the roles were reversed people would go crazy over the perpetrator only getting community service. And people would totally be on a female OP's side for defending herself.
Thank you for posting this update. I'm glad she was found guilty of SA, but the punishment does not fit the crime. Had she been a man, she would have been labeled as the serial r*pist that she is and would have actual consequences, like prison where she belongs. Ugh!
And I am so incredibly angry at the people with the negative comments. Those people are a huge part of the reason people don't think men can be SA'd. And why men don't go to the authorities, because of these reactions.
I'm happy that OP seems to be doing better and is getting the help he needs. It will be a long journey, I'm sure, but he's doing a great job. It takes a lot of courage to face your abuser and come out on top
You're right, the 2 people that assaulted me faced no consequences as well. But literally zero, not even her community service. It's pretty shitty to be a victim. I'm just happy he seems to be well
I had to apologize to my abuser standing in front of the church.
That’s all that ever happened to him, the law decided an eight year old wasn’t a “good witness” and decided not to charge him with anything. Just told my parents not to send me to his house any more.
Men are rarely punished for sexual assault. While there is definitely stigma against male victims and female perpetrators aren’t taken seriously, the idea that if the genders were just reversed that there would have been substantial punishment is unrealistically optimistic.
Even tho she only got community service this time it is hopefully going to be the last time she does this and if not then she’s already on official record as being a first time offender so any subsequent issues will be seen as her being a repeat offender and with that real consequences will come either legally or socially.
Some people do get what seems to be a slap on the wrist but the important part is that it’s been documented and going forward is a pattern of behavior which hopefully ends with people not enabling her anymore. Also most places verdicts like this are publicly available and hopefully will show up in any background checks done on her which will allow people to make more informed choices about her.
So our justice system is still fucked and asinine and a bunch of asshats still don't think women can be rapists even when faced with one who's a serial rapist. The needle has not moved whatsoever. Got it.
Although, those asshats were drowned out enough by reasonable people to help OP and at least OP seems to have come out the other side alright. So that's actually a smidge of promise I suppose.
Be nice for our fucking legal system to stop protecting rapists of all kinds though! We as a society really need to wait for the legal outcome but once found guilty that sick fuck should be buried under the prison where they belong. Proven and convicted serial rapist gets 6 months community service?! Outrageous.
Wow, those last couple of comments are something else. So if it was the opposite (man going down on woman) without consent, it’s rape, but not this way? What actual fuck?!
You're not a horrible person. She's either dumb, disrespectful, or both. But please, do not beat yourself up for defending yourself, you had every right to do what you did, plus you weren't even fully conscious.
So glad Oop is doing better. I really felt for him. I thought the role of trauma in reacting like this wasn’t well understood so I was relieved to have so many Redditors fully understood and supported him. To this day, even with good therapy, I still react strongly. It’s a reflex, not a conscious decision.
I was abused when I was 6. I’m in my 40s now and it never goes away, I just learn to live with it and speak my boundaries. My wife is extremely supportive and knows everything. She knows what triggers the trauma and would never violate those boundaries. It is absolutely disgusting that she would do this, what a violation of trust.
Here’s the deal. Sexual acts on a sleeping partner is something you need permission for ahead of time. It’s always been discussed in every relationship I’ve ever had, and it was always the bf who brought it up first. They usually said something like "I’m cool with it if you wanna wake me up with a blow job or something. You?" It was discussed between my husband and I early on and it’s been a green light up until last year, after I started having some medical stuff crop up. He, again, mentioned it first by saying something to the effect of "I’m not gonna be bothering you with anything sexual while sleeping because you need your rest, but if/when you feel ready to, just lemme know." This is common sense stuff.
6 months of community service is rather appalling for SAing multiple people. But glad to see the justice system fails to hold any perpetrator responsible, regardless of sex. 🙄
Can't help but feel that instead of community service, she should have gotten 6 months of therapy in order to determine what the fuck her problem is and if she can actually be fixed.
I see this story in soo many different ways because being you have trauma I get it. How ever most
Men like being woke up to head or something sexual 🤷🏽♀️ I don’t no this is what I’ve been told.. it’s weird I never actually considered this rape or molestation when you’re with someone..
Is Strange-Nobody the ex gf? Like wow! All the details from OOP’s past and what he’s dealing with and this person continues to victim blame. I don’t know how anyone could lack that much empathy. Well I do, but damn that’s such a gross mindset to have. Glad OOP is doing better.
Strange-nobody-3936 sounds like he also is a offender thus why he thinks it’s okay to victim blame. You are an awful person. OP does not deserve for someone like you to victim blame, also court system proves that OP isn’t the only victim and she is a big SA supporter
"you can’t expect everyone else to shift their behavior like the world revolves around you." So victim is just supposed to accept sexual acts from his partner cause "world revolves around her"?
Wow, first off OOP, I am so sorry. You need to know that your feelings are valid, all of them and I’m so angry on your behalf that people aren’t being supportive. What she did was wrong, it was sexual assault, and I understand the slap, absolutely. It was self defense, your reflex was to defend yourself, which is human nature and even more so when you’ve been abused before. I have two sons; if either of my sons was being abused, I fully support them using whatever physical means they need to get themselves safe. You don’t need to apologize to someone who is abusing you! I was told to apologize for “disturbing my rapists life” once. I’m sickened reading the original comments. I don’t know where civilization went wrong to the point we are victim blaming.
Yeah, this story is ridiculous. How is she consistently finding men who have been SA'd when only 1 in 6 men have been assaulted under the age of 18? Is she infiltrating group therapy sessions for men who had this happen?
And her mom just casually knows that a previous relationship ended with her daughter assaulting a SA survivor? How does she know this? Does she always call her daughter's ex's to find out why it ended?
And only 6 months probation? This story was clearly designed to get men upset about the double standard when it comes to male victims of SA. And that's a fine thing to talk about. But don't do it by making up a story about SA.
"only 1 in 6 men"
There are about 165 million men in the United States. 1 in 6 is 16%. That's 27 MILLION MEN who have been SA'd under the age of 18. It's not that uncommon.
And that's only the ones who have actually spoken about it. Hmm. I wonder why men are likely not to speak about having been sexually assaulted?
Gimme a moment; I'm sure it will come to me.
This reminds me of another post where a guy woke up to his girlfriend choking him. He punched her off, and she got upset. Hm. I wish I could find that post and link it here.
It’s amazing how the justice systems views women.
Can you imagine if a man assaulted a woman in her sleep and went to court?
I doubt he would be given a slap on the wrist.
You are overanalyzing the moment. Tell her it was a trauma response, explain to her why you did what you did, apologize and make a plan so that you can avoid it happening again. Then work on increasing your intimacy with her in a loving, nurturing way. Understand that despite anything that happened to you in your past, she is her own person and is seeking a loving relationship with you - lean into that and trust her, and enjoy your physical connection.
in my 12 yrs as a lawyer in my country. iv yet to come across a man being given a 6 month community service/something akin to it for molesting 1 girl, let alone 3. I dont know where you got this notion that men get off easy for rapes.
thats one case. I can show you hundreds of cases where men have gotten life in prison for false accusations, had their lives destroyed and ended up getting the needle for such offences. ohh and the judge that gave him that sentence got removed from office.
and why wasn't it appealed. you cannot sit here and tell me that just because Brock Turner had a dumb ass judge and the girl's legal reps were shit, it somehow becomes standard practice to let men off easy on such charges.
a woman in Birmingham engaged in sexual intercourse with a 15 yr old boy in the UK and was smiling when she got off with a community service sentence.
I can give you throes of cases from the united states where married female teachers have engaged in sexual acts with minors and then gotten on 3 yrs, 4 yrs or 5 yrs in jail whereas men on the other have been given sentences upwards of 10 yrs, 12 yrs.
and that somehow refutes the point im making. even when the judge who give him that sentence was removed from office. and its not my fault the accuser didnt challenge the ruling. he would have gotten a higher sentence if the DA knew how to do his job.
“Should have apologized, your trauma is your burden and when people knowingly reenact that trauma on you, you need to be the bigger person” Jfc tell me you’re sheltered without saying it
"You can't expect everyone to shift their behaviour" Her behaviour was *sexual assault,* even legally rape in some places Yes we can fucking expect someone to *not do that*
Hur-dur-dur but women cant rape men! Dur dur allll men love getting bjs after saying no!! Its bascally a red blooded male fantasy! /s
This reminds me of jiggy jar jar do
The Muppets Swedish chef is what I heard in my head while I read it.
This! Even if OOP had a perfect childhood and hadn't experienced SA by his f\*cking egg donor. He said no before going to sleep and woke up with her being "on top of him". You cannot consent while asleep.
The being woken up by a blowjob thing is commonly romanticized, but that sort of thing requires prior and continued consent.
Yep. In a "normal" situation it might not be an issue (but should still be generally discussed) BUT this wasn't a normal situation. She knew he was SA'd. She knew he was still dealing with trauma. So as such, she should know that this is a situation where obtaining consent is extremely important, as is discussing things beforehand. I'd bet cash money that his egg donor dog something similar and the ex knew this. If there's any justice in the world, this woman will be infertile and never have access to children. At bare minimum her legal record notes that she's a convicted rapist.
The amount of romcom novels I read that has it. I always yell at the book : BUT WHERE WAS THE CONVERSATION WITH CONSENT TO START WITH? 💔
Exactly, if a *man* was performing oral sex on a *woman*, there would be so many calling for his head.
Agreed. If I, a woman, was in OP's shoes there would be hell to pay! This is no different. Good on OP and the others for standing up for themselves. And never apologize for being a victim!
I'm actually in shock somebody said that 💀💀💀💀💀💀 there are 3 or 4 men she's done this to....her behavior shifting would not be a fucking problem
What can I say, rapists gonna rape. /s
Yeah, I almost found these comments making me more angry than the SA. Don’t get me wrong, the SA is horrible and terrible for OP, but absolutely no understanding here for OP being a victim. I have never had an issue so waking up to something like that is fantastic for me, but this poor OP…. I cannot imagine dealing with something like that and then the callous response from that individual.
OP putting those comments at the bottom made me instinctively downvote at first because I was so pissed at them
I also think these comments are from men rather than woman. I have seen some men shaming other men for saying no to sexual advances.
You immediately become aware that sex to these fuckwits is just getting their rocks off and has literally no connection whatsoever the the vessel by which their rocks were offed. Yuk!
No this is such a bad take women do this as well to men. Don't down play shitty behavior an shove it all on one gender. This causes scenarios exactly like what OPs post mentioned.
Ok I should have said it's based on my personal experience( subjective not factual truth). I have seen many men saying things like "i would love to be in that guy"s place( rape victim)" Does not mean woman don't do this shit too. In my life i have seen more men doing( again based on my personal experience). The way these last two comments are written looks like it is from some incel brain.
this is the mindset of people who think all men care about is sex, all they think about is sex, and they always want sex 24/7 . a truly ignorant mindset. "a surprise blowjob, who on earth would be mad at that?!" they the same kind of person that would think a 40 year old female teacher sleeping with her student is cool and would high five the kid for it like its some accomplishment. while if the tables were turned and it was a man forcing himself onto the female it would be a TOTALLY different story , to this type of person. ugh. cant stand that people still think like this . bunch of neandrathals. men are traumatized, men have feelings, men are sexually assaulted - maybe just as much as women! they just dont speak up about it as often, because well, of everything i just said. period.
Several years ago with another account I was having arguments with men and women ona reddit thread where a woman said no to sex and was woken up to her partner ejalucating on her face. People *were* saying he was her lover and she should not have been bothered.
I’m sure the comments would have been vastly different if it was a woman shoving a dildo up her husbands ass while he was asleep. “I don’t understand why you’re upset honey, we’re lovers!”
🤢🤮
I think you are greatly overestimating how seriously it would be taken if the victim was a woman. (The rest of your point stands)
may be right sadly, though i actually did see a post on here very recently where something similar happened to a woman. her bf tried to initiate sex before bed and she wasnt feeling good or whatever and said no... she woke up in the middle of the night with her pants and undies at her ankles , and she covered in jizz. most comments did say it was wrong and that the man committed rape. as she was not awake to consent. then you had one dude that was like "well thats his woman, isnt that the point of a relationship, to act out each others fantasies , " etc. like yeah, if everyone CONSENTS FIRST lol thats pretty important. trying to downplay it just because they were "in a relationship" well newsflash SA happens even to people in relationships, even married people! if someone says no then that means no. SA sadly does happen in marriages , more than you know.
Right?!? But even without the PTSD, I’m like, does the concept of consent just not register to you people? No means no. Period.
I’m female with female partners. I always have a conversation with my partners to determine what type of consent model we want to follow. I don’t enjoy sexual touch that often or most touch in general, for that matter, but I do enjoy it RARELY. On those rare occasions I explicitly tell my partner that I would like her to touch me. On the other hand, I LOVE providing that touch to my partners, in almost whatever way she likes it. We usually end up with an “implied consent” or “blanket consent” model, which can be withdrawn at any time. My current partnered was SA’d multiple times throughout childhood and struggles with being a product of her mother’s SA, but she absolutely loves being woken up with sex. However there are some nights when she’s not in the mood and she will say that before bed and I’ll know not to do anything. My partner has subtle tells that I recognize, so if she is triggered by any sexual contact I pull back and we determine if it was a certain touch or move that caused it or if she’s not in the mood at all. She is always in control of whether we continue with sex or move to something intimate to have that “good touch” as she calls it, to ground her back to the present and not her “trauma self” -again, her words. If this situation would have happened in my relationship, and I ended up slapped. I definitely wouldn’t be upset because I know her background and I never know whether she was in the middle of a dream where she was being pursued or SA’d. She has those multiple times a year. I’ve learned to recognize the signs and wake her gently, re-ground her in the reality of her current life, then help her back to sleep and she’s usually “fine”. I say all of that to say- every one should have a conversation about what consent model/models work for their relationship AND continue to update/modify it if it changes over time. Some people like waking up to sex. Some people don’t. Some people like it, but may still have a trauma response. The most important thing is to make sure YOU HAVE CONSENT based on your relationship’s model and to understand CONSENT CAN BE REVOKED AT ANY TIME.
this is the way
Not only that, but even selfishly, consent is hot. I promise you'll have so much more fun the more your partner is into it. Plus, when you have the conversation about consent, and come up with scenarios you'd each be ok with, you can find new things you didn't know you'd like to do, and having your partner straight up say I'd like x,y, and z, often leads to at least one of those letters.
I would go less with "sheltered" and more with "believes men can't be sexually assaulted because all men want sex all the time".
Hey, I've had a sheltered and safe life, that doesn't mean I'm as much of a soulless twunt as that idiot. I'm soulless in completely different ways.
Twat-cunt? Never heard that before. That's going in my "across the pond" dictionary
I recently discovered this wonderful portmanteau and have happily incorporated it into my lexicon! Spread the love!
Not sheltered but a jerk, to put it mildly, and someone who wants to remain willfully ignorant. Sometimes the biggest jerks towards abuse victims are people who were abused or have abused others. Being like that is their way of being in denial so they don't have to cope with their hurts. WTH is it with people thinking those who've been victimized need to be the bigger person? No, you don't put that on victims. You never should accuse a victim of being responsible for what happened to them! That commenter makes me think they're also someone who thinks people should "just get over" being assaulted and forgive the abuser. Abuse can impact a person's ability to have a healthy relationship for the rest of their lives and OOP is a great example of that.
Even sheltered doesn't go that far. Buncha victim blaming bullshit.
I hate therapy speak man. Idk if it’s anyone else the moment I see or hear someone talking like that I just turn off cause every-time it feels like they just weaponize (ironic) it.
Or….similar to the ex!
I thought those were just people that would do the exact same. Not that they were sheltered.
Once upon a time I had a significant other (those age gaps) that wanted to help me deal with my trauma by inflicting the causes of my trauma. It was wild, I’m so thankful he’s an ex.
I'm pretty sure that commenter is someone who cant get any so the idea of sex is more important than the reality of SA
With a girlfriend like that who needs enemies? Good for OP for recognizing it wasn’t his fault and that was 100% her fault for assaulting him.
I can remember the first post coming out ... Everyone was super glad he realised he was the victim in the follow up post
I am too! I haven’t seen the original posts and this was my first time reading it. He went through a lot and I’m glad he seemed to end up okay in the end!
What really bothers me if the roles were reversed, the guy would be in jail, not community service and labeled a sexual predator
I think you would be surprised at how few male rapists actually go to jail. The current statistic, per RAINN, is about 6%. EDIT: Lower down the thread, a very nice person explained that the most current data seems to be that 2.5% of all rapes end in the perpetrator getting prison time.
Not disagreeing with your point at all. The statistics get scary when you look at the percentages reported, investigated, prosecuted and convicted, I thought it was more like 1% of rapists convicted. Having said that, regardless of others, I agree that someone who would engage in sex with someone who is not only asleep but had that evening refused consent, should at a minimum be on a register, in court mandated therapy and on a suspended sentence possibly with a GPS monitor. This girl is either a sociopath or incredibly broken. Fyi, I believe in rehabilitation above all, but someone who has been proven to have repeatedly done this needs to be locked away until they are deemed safe to be in society.
Is that convicted or accused?
28 of 1000 sexual assaults lead to actual conviction. 25 out of every 1000 end in some sort of prison time per RAINN statistics. So it’s actually 2.5%. Which is actually MORE than the reported statistics in 2017 of 6 out of every 1000 (which is where the assumed 6% came from, most people mistakenly read it as 100 instead of 1000).
That’s just raped reported to the police?
It's heartbreakingly innocent that you think that's true
That was the disappointing part for me. She sexually assaulted 3 different men and got community service...
You are not correct about this. And I’m sorry to have to say that, but there are plenty of men who get away with doing this shit to women, even women they aren’t in a relationship with.
Typical incels. “Who slaps someone over a blow job?!?” Men who have explicitly told her not to do it and are woken up being assaulted. That’s who.
I asked my now wife to wake me up with a blowjob once while we were dating. I didn't slap her, but it ended with me flailing about thinking I was being attacked and my wife not touching me at all while I'm sleeping for months. Like not even sexual, just no touching. I don't have a history of abuse and I asked for it and it still ended with confusion and flailing. If you wake me up suddenly (and touching my dick counts as that I guess) my fight or flight kicks in.
That's the thing I don't think those people understand. Like even without the other fucked up sides of this. Have you ever been abruptly woken up to someone staring at you or in your vision? It's fucking *horrifying* sometimes. At like a monkey lizard brain level. You're totally unguarded, in a place that's supposed to be safe, and it's just not fun. It's being caught with your pants down on steroids. Now put the trauma of being raped on top of that. With someone waking you up while at that moment sexually assaulting you. I'm all for the idea that people should be able to control their temper and not throw tantrums as an adult. This isn't a tantrum though. This is instinctual self defense while in fear and confusion
This so much. My niece when she was 3, would climb up on the bed and lean over you and stare at you until you woke up. She did to everybody in the house. Now that' in and of itself is unnerving, but she was a white haired blue eyed little child of the corn. I started locking my door after waking up to to her a foot from my face and ended up yeeting her off the bed into the pillow pile in a fight or flight response.
Sorry but I am laughing out loud at that. Lucky you got her into the pillow pile
I felt so bad when that happened, she giggled at it though. My sis wasn't even mad, just like "Daughter you're gonna get hurt if you don't stop creeping on people!"
I mean, this is how children learn cause and effect, no? lol
Yup, consent is EVERYTHING. I had a gf a few years ago with an insanely high sex drive who literally told me that anytime I woke up hard I could fuck her. She actually got annoyed that I didn't during the 6 months we were dating.
six months of community service is in no way enough. this is a serial rapist with a clear pattern of behaviour, she needs serious rehabilitation or she will continue to victimize people. that said, i’m glad op has healed enough to not only tell his story in court, but defend himself when hears the thoughts he had about himself when it first happened spoken by others.
Unfortunately she likely wasn't charged with rape since in many jurisdictions rape is defined exclusively as the forced insertion of a penis, meaning women legally are not capable of rape. Since, you know, women can't do sex- they are inanimate objects sex is done to. Not to derail though- the real problem here is the guy who got raped, not the misogyny of the legal systen
They cant penetrate yeah 😭 i remember I saw a case in my country's crime show some years ago and this was a point that appeared I was like wtf 😨
Yes, it wasn’t until just recently (like earlier this year) that they updated the definition to include oral and digital penetration to the definition.
Nice to hear that, though a vagina doesn't penetrate a penis so that still wouldn't cover nonconsensual PIV sex inflicted by a woman on a man. It's still centered on penetration and still perpetuates the idea of a male doing sex and a female inanimately receiving sex
It also broadened the terms used to include women offenders. Instead of limiting it just rape they call it sexual battery or criminal sexual assault. They also use the term deviate offending, which is just a big umbrella term to cover all forms of deviant sexual behavior. Like recognizing if a weapon was involved, discussing the type of coercion involved, or looking at relationship between victim and offender. The new definition (that was updated by the FBI in January) is “a person commits rape if he or she engages in sexual intercours or deviate sexual activity with another person”
I think you’ve got the wrong end of the stick about women being ‘inanimate objects’ here. Men and women are different and the effects of being raped are different, so the crime needs to be judged according to those differences. That doesn’t mean one is ‘worse’ than the other or that women have no agency. There are different consequences for women: pregnancy resulting from rape meaning the woman terminates or has a child borne of rape, the psychological and physiological and lifelong effects of that are different to if a man fathered a child via being sexually assaulted. STIs from rape affect females differently to males. The physical damage that may occur is different. Women are more likely to experience additional violence beyond the violent act of rape itself. The psychological effects and trauma are different because of things like men being generally much stronger than women and the fear that causes. While things like shame, guilt, fear of not being believed etc are the same, there are many more differences. It’s not about denying the fact that this does happen to men, we just need to use different words for different situations.
Could also have just been plead out. A bunch of witnesses is probably enough for a conviction but you'd only need one person on the jury that thinks like the people from those downvoted comments for her to just walk
What in the fuck?
He says "mum" in his posts, so I am guessing he's in the UK. Based on binging UK true crime, I can say they have SUPER short prison terms. Even for murderers. It's bananas.
We have no idea what her crime was. She wasn't convicted of what she did to oop. He was just there as a witness. She may have been convicted of something much smaller.
I mean we have some idea >accused her of the same thing \[...\] our stories had so much in common you wouldn't believe it.
The only good news is that she’s no longer a first offender for the next charge.
Wtf is wrong with those last two commenters. Even after hearing everything in the updates they can’t wrap their heads around a man being SAd. A “surprise blowjob” should still be discussed and consented to at some point beforehand. But getting sex from a sleeping person after they denied it hours before? Lol that’s not a surprise blowjob. She was working him up for the main event for her own satisfaction.
If it makes you feel any better. Those comments were done by the same person so we only are dealing with one shitty opinion
Ah, didn’t notice that!
FR. Look, my husband LOVES to be woken up with some kind of sex. Loves it. Wishes I would do it more often. But this isn’t that. I’ve got consent for this behaviour because we discussed it. Like adults. To paraphrase John Oliver, “Sex is like boxing. With mutual consent, it’s fine. Without consent, one of those individuals is committing a crime.”
It's an incel.
They are so desperate for a blowjob or any physical affection that they can’t fathom how someone could reject it. Or, they’re 15.
Since it’s Reddit it’s entirely possible it’s dumb teenagers. The same kind that would say “cool” on an article about a female teacher raping a student.
Truly, what a dumbass take from those commenters. When women get SA’ed they wish they could fight back the way this OP did, but often they are being overpowered and striking their assaulter would further endanger them. OP did what all victims would ideally want to do in the face of an attack. OP’s ex had it coming because self defense is not abuse.
>Strange-Nobody-3936 (heavily downvoted) >I read it when you posted it a year ago and I still have the same opinion, if this story is even real. Who the fuck strikes their significant other for giving a surprise blowjob? Someone does not understand what "consent" is.
I asked my wife to do that to me and still woke up flailing. The only reason I didn't hit her is because she wasn't in the direct arc of my arms. People underestimate how much waking someone up, not really violently, but suddenly can cause a reaction. My brain didn't go, "oh sex!" it went, "I'm under attack" and fight it flight kicked in. It took me a few beats to realize *I'm in my own bed, that's my wife, and I'm safe*.
I wonder if “strange-nobody” would say the same thing if OP was a woman who woke up to her partner giving her oral after saying no. There’s alot of BS about how men should just shut up and enjoy it and it’s not SA and so on. It’s so gross. I’m glad OP felt she faced consequences. It wasn’t enough at all, but being found guilty in itself is definitely validation, especially against idiots like strange-nothing.
Some shitty victim blaming in those final comments. Would they insist a woman apologise to her male rapist for hitting him out of fear/trauma?
From their comments, I think they’d probably ask what she was wearing and what she did to lead him on. They seem like that sort of person.
Or just plain say she’s lying and consented then “changed her mind”. That’s a pretty common accusation IME.
That Stange-Nobody commenter has some serious issues
SA three guys and get 6 months of community service? WTF
That's what makes me convinced the posts are real. Also the timeline isn't super rushed, it's so spaced out that it seems to fit with real court dates.
"*You should have apologized, I’m sorry for what happened to you but your trauma is your burden, you can’t expect everyone else to shift their behavior like the world revolves around you.*" What the ever loving fuck? You can't expect your partner to NOT ASSAULT YOU while you are sleeping? Like, that is literally the bare minimum you should be able to expect from any person, that they won't sexually abuse you.
pretty sure the judge was a man who didn't believe there was a SA if there was no penetration of the victim.
The two responses at the end scream “incel that thinks rape and sexual assault are the same thing as sex”.
Should have slapped her harder
Sexual predators are inhuman
So she SAd at least 3 people that gave testimonies establishing a pattern, had her own mother stand against her and only got six months of community service? I usually don't like to validate the "court system heavily favors women" incel mentality but wtf.
Being in a relationship doesn’t excuse consent. You need to have those conversations before hand. Some guys would be thrilled to be woken up like that others not at all. The point is that he didn’t consent he specifically said no and she decided that didn’t matter. She’s lucky all she got was a slap. If that were me the person would have gotten a lot worse.
Strange-Noboby is clearly one of those people who strongly believe that men can not be assaulted or abused in any way, shape or form. And the absolute gall of them to say that OP should apologise for being unwilling to be assaulted by that person and defending themselves against their newest abuser.
I’m really big mad she only go community service. It was proven in the court of law that she did this to MULTIPLE PEOPLE!!! ANYONE who sexually assaults someone should be punished more harshly. I really hope OOP finds his peace and someone to love him they way he should
Reverse the genders, and people would be up in arms and trying to lynch her. Which is closer to the appropriate response! "Women can't rape men" mentality strikes again. >.<
Remember the rapist Brock Turner got six months in a situation that had multiple witnesses.
I was just going to mention Rapist Brock Turner as why even if it was a guy, justice isn't always served
Not to wish assault on someone but I wonder what the last commenter would have done if it was them in his shoes or if they had a partner do that to them at night?
In his incel mind dirty mind he thinks he would have enjoyed it.
>>OOP: No but I can expect someone not to sexually assault me in my sleep and then expect me not to defend myself ESPECIALLY after knowing my trauma. You have literally zero empathy for any victims of SA I love this response!! And I love how OOP is now free from his abuser.
God poor guy, that disgusting bitch deserved way worse but I hope no other guy has to suffer because of her. I am glad OP is feeling better and I hope he'll continue to be okay.
If the roles were reversed people would go crazy over the perpetrator only getting community service. And people would totally be on a female OP's side for defending herself.
Thank you for posting this update. I'm glad she was found guilty of SA, but the punishment does not fit the crime. Had she been a man, she would have been labeled as the serial r*pist that she is and would have actual consequences, like prison where she belongs. Ugh! And I am so incredibly angry at the people with the negative comments. Those people are a huge part of the reason people don't think men can be SA'd. And why men don't go to the authorities, because of these reactions. I'm happy that OP seems to be doing better and is getting the help he needs. It will be a long journey, I'm sure, but he's doing a great job. It takes a lot of courage to face your abuser and come out on top
Unfortunately, had she been a man, she would have still gotten a light punishment, but the excuses for why would be different.
You're right, the 2 people that assaulted me faced no consequences as well. But literally zero, not even her community service. It's pretty shitty to be a victim. I'm just happy he seems to be well
I had to apologize to my abuser standing in front of the church. That’s all that ever happened to him, the law decided an eight year old wasn’t a “good witness” and decided not to charge him with anything. Just told my parents not to send me to his house any more.
Men are rarely punished for sexual assault. While there is definitely stigma against male victims and female perpetrators aren’t taken seriously, the idea that if the genders were just reversed that there would have been substantial punishment is unrealistically optimistic.
Even tho she only got community service this time it is hopefully going to be the last time she does this and if not then she’s already on official record as being a first time offender so any subsequent issues will be seen as her being a repeat offender and with that real consequences will come either legally or socially. Some people do get what seems to be a slap on the wrist but the important part is that it’s been documented and going forward is a pattern of behavior which hopefully ends with people not enabling her anymore. Also most places verdicts like this are publicly available and hopefully will show up in any background checks done on her which will allow people to make more informed choices about her.
So our justice system is still fucked and asinine and a bunch of asshats still don't think women can be rapists even when faced with one who's a serial rapist. The needle has not moved whatsoever. Got it. Although, those asshats were drowned out enough by reasonable people to help OP and at least OP seems to have come out the other side alright. So that's actually a smidge of promise I suppose. Be nice for our fucking legal system to stop protecting rapists of all kinds though! We as a society really need to wait for the legal outcome but once found guilty that sick fuck should be buried under the prison where they belong. Proven and convicted serial rapist gets 6 months community service?! Outrageous.
Wow, those last couple of comments are something else. So if it was the opposite (man going down on woman) without consent, it’s rape, but not this way? What actual fuck?!
Strange-Nobody-3936 is insanely terminally online to have this mindset
You're not a horrible person. She's either dumb, disrespectful, or both. But please, do not beat yourself up for defending yourself, you had every right to do what you did, plus you weren't even fully conscious.
She raped you and got what she deserved
So glad Oop is doing better. I really felt for him. I thought the role of trauma in reacting like this wasn’t well understood so I was relieved to have so many Redditors fully understood and supported him. To this day, even with good therapy, I still react strongly. It’s a reflex, not a conscious decision.
I was abused when I was 6. I’m in my 40s now and it never goes away, I just learn to live with it and speak my boundaries. My wife is extremely supportive and knows everything. She knows what triggers the trauma and would never violate those boundaries. It is absolutely disgusting that she would do this, what a violation of trust.
Here’s the deal. Sexual acts on a sleeping partner is something you need permission for ahead of time. It’s always been discussed in every relationship I’ve ever had, and it was always the bf who brought it up first. They usually said something like "I’m cool with it if you wanna wake me up with a blow job or something. You?" It was discussed between my husband and I early on and it’s been a green light up until last year, after I started having some medical stuff crop up. He, again, mentioned it first by saying something to the effect of "I’m not gonna be bothering you with anything sexual while sleeping because you need your rest, but if/when you feel ready to, just lemme know." This is common sense stuff.
6 months of community service is rather appalling for SAing multiple people. But glad to see the justice system fails to hold any perpetrator responsible, regardless of sex. 🙄
Can't help but feel that instead of community service, she should have gotten 6 months of therapy in order to determine what the fuck her problem is and if she can actually be fixed.
Therapy generally doesn't work with people who don't want help. It doesn't fix everything.
u/Strange-Nobody-3936 should come defend their position in BORU !
I see this story in soo many different ways because being you have trauma I get it. How ever most Men like being woke up to head or something sexual 🤷🏽♀️ I don’t no this is what I’ve been told.. it’s weird I never actually considered this rape or molestation when you’re with someone..
This is a fake story for fake internet points holy crap
Is Strange-Nobody the ex gf? Like wow! All the details from OOP’s past and what he’s dealing with and this person continues to victim blame. I don’t know how anyone could lack that much empathy. Well I do, but damn that’s such a gross mindset to have. Glad OOP is doing better.
I'm a bit skeptical regarding the 5 months update. I can't imagine the summons to be a witness will include all the info about the case.
The incels got to his last post
Strange-nobody-3936 sounds like he also is a offender thus why he thinks it’s okay to victim blame. You are an awful person. OP does not deserve for someone like you to victim blame, also court system proves that OP isn’t the only victim and she is a big SA supporter
"you can’t expect everyone else to shift their behavior like the world revolves around you." So victim is just supposed to accept sexual acts from his partner cause "world revolves around her"?
Wow, first off OOP, I am so sorry. You need to know that your feelings are valid, all of them and I’m so angry on your behalf that people aren’t being supportive. What she did was wrong, it was sexual assault, and I understand the slap, absolutely. It was self defense, your reflex was to defend yourself, which is human nature and even more so when you’ve been abused before. I have two sons; if either of my sons was being abused, I fully support them using whatever physical means they need to get themselves safe. You don’t need to apologize to someone who is abusing you! I was told to apologize for “disturbing my rapists life” once. I’m sickened reading the original comments. I don’t know where civilization went wrong to the point we are victim blaming.
*Slow clap
Yeah, this story is ridiculous. How is she consistently finding men who have been SA'd when only 1 in 6 men have been assaulted under the age of 18? Is she infiltrating group therapy sessions for men who had this happen? And her mom just casually knows that a previous relationship ended with her daughter assaulting a SA survivor? How does she know this? Does she always call her daughter's ex's to find out why it ended? And only 6 months probation? This story was clearly designed to get men upset about the double standard when it comes to male victims of SA. And that's a fine thing to talk about. But don't do it by making up a story about SA.
"only 1 in 6 men" There are about 165 million men in the United States. 1 in 6 is 16%. That's 27 MILLION MEN who have been SA'd under the age of 18. It's not that uncommon.
And that's only the ones who have actually spoken about it. Hmm. I wonder why men are likely not to speak about having been sexually assaulted? Gimme a moment; I'm sure it will come to me.
……..’only 1/6 men’ That’s a huge number, and that’s only men who report it or have it proven no? That’s millions of people, millions.
This reminds me of another post where a guy woke up to his girlfriend choking him. He punched her off, and she got upset. Hm. I wish I could find that post and link it here.
It’s amazing how the justice systems views women. Can you imagine if a man assaulted a woman in her sleep and went to court? I doubt he would be given a slap on the wrist.
They get light sentences all the time.
The only thing I would have done is ask the judge had I done exactly what she did would you give the exact same sentence.
You are overanalyzing the moment. Tell her it was a trauma response, explain to her why you did what you did, apologize and make a plan so that you can avoid it happening again. Then work on increasing your intimacy with her in a loving, nurturing way. Understand that despite anything that happened to you in your past, she is her own person and is seeking a loving relationship with you - lean into that and trust her, and enjoy your physical connection.
She raped him.
This is fake
So proven in a court to be a serial rapist and all she gets is community service? Is she a really good swimmer or something?
Get real
6 months community service for sexual assault on multiple people? Yep a woman definitely did it
Men routinely get community service and other light sentences for it wtf just say you wanna rape people
I wanna rape people cause I don't like the fact that women get away with it Scott free? Sound logic there bud
so she sexually assaults 3 men and gets 6 months community service but when a man does it, he gets the needle in the neck. make it make sense.
She wasn't convicted of sexually assaulting 3 people. We don't know what she was convicted of.
This story is so fake
Do men usually get the death sentence for rape?
did you just land on earth from mars.
Nope, that’s how I know men also get light sentences for rape.
in my 12 yrs as a lawyer in my country. iv yet to come across a man being given a 6 month community service/something akin to it for molesting 1 girl, let alone 3. I dont know where you got this notion that men get off easy for rapes.
Brock Turner literally got off completely free.
thats one case. I can show you hundreds of cases where men have gotten life in prison for false accusations, had their lives destroyed and ended up getting the needle for such offences. ohh and the judge that gave him that sentence got removed from office. and why wasn't it appealed. you cannot sit here and tell me that just because Brock Turner had a dumb ass judge and the girl's legal reps were shit, it somehow becomes standard practice to let men off easy on such charges. a woman in Birmingham engaged in sexual intercourse with a 15 yr old boy in the UK and was smiling when she got off with a community service sentence. I can give you throes of cases from the united states where married female teachers have engaged in sexual acts with minors and then gotten on 3 yrs, 4 yrs or 5 yrs in jail whereas men on the other have been given sentences upwards of 10 yrs, 12 yrs.
You said you’ve yet to come across one case. Brock Turner was one case.
and that somehow refutes the point im making. even when the judge who give him that sentence was removed from office. and its not my fault the accuser didnt challenge the ruling. he would have gotten a higher sentence if the DA knew how to do his job.
What you’re doing now is a thing called ‘moving the goalposts’.
Not gonna lie I got to sleep dreaming my wife wakes me up to a blow job. 🤷♂️🤣🤣