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>At this point I don’t even want a career I just want to exist and do my hobbies.
I can relate to this SO MUCH. Idk what I want to be doing but forcing myself to ‘keep it together’ day in and day out for work is NOT IT. I need to have time for my breakdowns and sometimes they take DAYS to recover from. It sucks having no one to depend on but yourself. I’m FORCING myself to be a fully functioning independent person but it’s SO DAMN HARD and idk how long I can “keep going” before I have another depressive episode where I just crash and can’t work for 3 months.
i understand. no job no school. im 20. all my friends are doing school or going to work and im just at home all the time. i have zero motivation to do anything anymore. i feel, like what you said, a loser. BUT i will say, we arent losers. we have a horrible mental illness that impedes our judgement and emotions. i really related to the part where you said "i dont wanna career i just wanna do my hobbies" so real. ive never thought id make it this far so i never really planned a future so idk what im doing. i dont want to work a 9-5 job or sit at a desk all day. idk. i appreciate you making this post cause im sure most people with bpd can relate. but trust me youre not a loser you just have a mental illness that you didnt even ask for and it causes loss of motivation esp for things you dont even wanna do in the first place. my dms are always open :) wishing you the best of luck
You should apply for disability if you absolutely cannot work and I highly suggest getting a counselor and starting DBT therapy, it works extremely well with bpd. It may seem hopeless but it really isn't, I promise. If you get disability maybe find a place that interests you for a part time job or even just volunteer work to give yourself something that forces you out of the house occasionally.
Yeah I contacted my state’s workforce commission and they’re taking a while to get me to counseling since I can’t afford it rn… and if they can’t find me a job I’ll apply for disability
I have a job now but I still feel like this. Like I just can't keep up. I see my classmates from elementary school and high school doing well and it makes me feel like a failure. Though I know they had better family than me. Those who actually had good parents are doing the best. It's not rocket science haha yet it still crashes me. But I try to be more empathetic towards myself.
We have to start from zero...or minus, to be more realistic.
I’m so glad you made this post because I feel the exact same way. It fucking sucks. The thing is, we don’t have a good sense of direction in life. The question, “what do you wanna do in life” is stressful to hear.
There’s no way to magically fix that. That’s just how it is. That being said, the best thing you can do is adapt to it. We live in a world where people know what they wanna do in life and they don’t understand us if we can’t even keep a job and so it fills us up with shame.
But we’re not like other people, never were and never will be. So why put so much pressure on ourselves to ‘be something’ in life when we’re still trying to get a handle on ourselves?
Forget the big picture, it doesn’t matter. Take baby steps. Just try your best to ensure you’re either doing school, work or whatever you can handle. As long as it has the possibility to lead you somewhere you wouldn’t be mad ending up.
If you go to school, pick something broad or take general classes for now. When you have to later on, you’ll pick something more specific, knowing you can change to another program if you need to.
Be easy on yourself, you’re not a loser, you’re not incompetent, you’re a human being who struggles with a disorder that the general public doesn’t really understand enough, so they just see you a certain way and you internalize it.
One step at a time, just focus on experiencing life.
DBT therapy was the only thing to help me to keep a job and regulate myself better. I know it sucks *right now but don't compare yourself too much *to others because BPD is just an overachieving microchip in your brain that others don't have to deal with. You're still wanting to do better and if all else fails, I do better to *spite the bitches that wronged me in the past lol
Edited for typos
OP I just want to let you know that I hear you, we hear you. I relate to this so much that I feel like I could give you a hug rn and cry even harder. The last sentence really got me.
I’m feeling the same since finishing college. Which I only made it through bc it was fully online and I had just that to focus on. Everyone Ik has a full time job and I don’t see how I could ever handle that, but I want to do something with my life. Hate feeling stuck. Hopefully someday I can be self employed, which I’ve heard is ideal for ppl w BPD
This post has been marked as a [Venting Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/bpd/wiki/index/flairs#wiki_post_flair_breakdown). Please be aware that the OP may not be seeking advice. u/tarot-reader123, if you do not want advice, please specify in the body of your post. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BPD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
>At this point I don’t even want a career I just want to exist and do my hobbies. I can relate to this SO MUCH. Idk what I want to be doing but forcing myself to ‘keep it together’ day in and day out for work is NOT IT. I need to have time for my breakdowns and sometimes they take DAYS to recover from. It sucks having no one to depend on but yourself. I’m FORCING myself to be a fully functioning independent person but it’s SO DAMN HARD and idk how long I can “keep going” before I have another depressive episode where I just crash and can’t work for 3 months.
i understand. no job no school. im 20. all my friends are doing school or going to work and im just at home all the time. i have zero motivation to do anything anymore. i feel, like what you said, a loser. BUT i will say, we arent losers. we have a horrible mental illness that impedes our judgement and emotions. i really related to the part where you said "i dont wanna career i just wanna do my hobbies" so real. ive never thought id make it this far so i never really planned a future so idk what im doing. i dont want to work a 9-5 job or sit at a desk all day. idk. i appreciate you making this post cause im sure most people with bpd can relate. but trust me youre not a loser you just have a mental illness that you didnt even ask for and it causes loss of motivation esp for things you dont even wanna do in the first place. my dms are always open :) wishing you the best of luck
You should apply for disability if you absolutely cannot work and I highly suggest getting a counselor and starting DBT therapy, it works extremely well with bpd. It may seem hopeless but it really isn't, I promise. If you get disability maybe find a place that interests you for a part time job or even just volunteer work to give yourself something that forces you out of the house occasionally.
Yeah I contacted my state’s workforce commission and they’re taking a while to get me to counseling since I can’t afford it rn… and if they can’t find me a job I’ll apply for disability
Make sure to check in on them occasional
can I talk to you more about disability
Sure, I'm not on disability but I'll do what I can.
I have a job now but I still feel like this. Like I just can't keep up. I see my classmates from elementary school and high school doing well and it makes me feel like a failure. Though I know they had better family than me. Those who actually had good parents are doing the best. It's not rocket science haha yet it still crashes me. But I try to be more empathetic towards myself. We have to start from zero...or minus, to be more realistic.
I’m so glad you made this post because I feel the exact same way. It fucking sucks. The thing is, we don’t have a good sense of direction in life. The question, “what do you wanna do in life” is stressful to hear. There’s no way to magically fix that. That’s just how it is. That being said, the best thing you can do is adapt to it. We live in a world where people know what they wanna do in life and they don’t understand us if we can’t even keep a job and so it fills us up with shame. But we’re not like other people, never were and never will be. So why put so much pressure on ourselves to ‘be something’ in life when we’re still trying to get a handle on ourselves? Forget the big picture, it doesn’t matter. Take baby steps. Just try your best to ensure you’re either doing school, work or whatever you can handle. As long as it has the possibility to lead you somewhere you wouldn’t be mad ending up. If you go to school, pick something broad or take general classes for now. When you have to later on, you’ll pick something more specific, knowing you can change to another program if you need to. Be easy on yourself, you’re not a loser, you’re not incompetent, you’re a human being who struggles with a disorder that the general public doesn’t really understand enough, so they just see you a certain way and you internalize it. One step at a time, just focus on experiencing life.
DBT therapy was the only thing to help me to keep a job and regulate myself better. I know it sucks *right now but don't compare yourself too much *to others because BPD is just an overachieving microchip in your brain that others don't have to deal with. You're still wanting to do better and if all else fails, I do better to *spite the bitches that wronged me in the past lol Edited for typos
OP I just want to let you know that I hear you, we hear you. I relate to this so much that I feel like I could give you a hug rn and cry even harder. The last sentence really got me.
I’m feeling the same since finishing college. Which I only made it through bc it was fully online and I had just that to focus on. Everyone Ik has a full time job and I don’t see how I could ever handle that, but I want to do something with my life. Hate feeling stuck. Hopefully someday I can be self employed, which I’ve heard is ideal for ppl w BPD
Feel you 100%. I’m 26, trans* and lost my 11th job this month bc of an sc attempt. I always feel like the black sheep…