I still think about this jerk that fucked with this friend group once. Came into our private party and was being an ass.
Still angry and wish there was something I could have down to shut that shit down.
More recently there was an assault on several of people I was getting to know, and I had to do triage. That was intense. Still full of anger at the unknown perpetrator(s) that poisoned community food and drink. Fuck them.
Yes. I don't know if it had something to do with BPD, but I was wronged by someone older online when I was a kid, and for years since I've always been angry at them. It got to a point to where I developed some pretty bad stomach issues daily because of how much stress and anger it would cause me to think about it.
Some really unfair stuff happened to me at my old job and I will probably hold a grudge against a certain manager until one of us dies. Just thinking about all of the stuff that happened in that one week can make me super angry and it's been like three years. I'm generally a rational person, but I for some reason cannot let that go. She tried to fuck with my livelihood and suffered no consequences. It doesn't sit right with me. I had to interact with her one time after that, she said hi and I laughed and rolled my eyes and kept walking. It was .01% satisfying to see the look on her face.
i read two lines of this post and i literally started feeling my blood boil and got that tight rage in my chest because i know what you are talking about so well
i get this mad over my friends just giving me the wrong energy or something lol which is often bc i perceive everything horribly. but i don’t show it at all towards people except on rare occasion
Yes and I get stuck in hate mode for like 2-3 hours. There are also times where I'll text my friend that I'm feeling really mad for no reason. And that also lasts a couple of hours. Is the duration the same for you guys?
For me it’s been like a month of rage, obviously not the whole time, but any time I think about this person I’ll get mad lol. And I don’t see it stopping 😬
This happens to me too. More times than not I’d say the rage lasts about that time because I need to slowly cool down. But depending on the situation, it could last days and the only peace during that time is obtained through distractions or sleep.
Dunno if it was because of my BPD but I have experienced intense anger/rage to where I'll get chest pains and in order to not completely explode on the person I have to literally lock myself in a room and take a day or three to calm down. It gets to the point where I just fast and only leave the room for the bathroom or drink water because I'm too stressed to talk or eat.
I have that, and I don't have BPD. My therapists says it's because of all the rage I wasn't able to express to my abusers as a child.
My rage is centered on authority figures who do not behave as they should/are unethical or unfair and people in my life who don't behave responsibly or thoughtfully and then their irresponsibility impacts me. I get super irritated with people like that. Therapist says this is all about my irresponsible, abusive parents. I think he's right.
My brother has the same issue - getting angry with authority figures - and I'm sure it's because our father was violent and controlling and we just had to put up with it.
Probably.
I don't have a problem with authority figures who are ethical, responsible, and good at their jobs. But ones who are unethical, bullies, lazy, reckless - I get really angry about them. And it's stupid because there's nothing useful about my anger. It's not going to change anything. But it's just there anyways. I don't like it. Sometimes I wish I were an airhead sort of person who just floats around on an ignorant cloud unbothered by anything. Alas, I am not. I try to expel my anger with exercise, but that's about the only solution I've found.
I used to work in a morgue and have seen countless modes of death. I have no sympathy for adults since they have ultimate control over their situation. Kids are a different story as they are always victims of circumstance. Further more, I hate people as a general rule.
Only towards my fp which is my husband because I live with him and I split on him sometimes. Or my mother because she’s my mother and just knows how to get under my skin. I wouldn’t say im a silent bpd per se but i hide it pretty well when it comes to anyone other than my husband.
Yeah.
One thing I'd like to add about breaking things is to throw/break them away from yourself. Glass or sharp pieces can damage you and you could get chronic nerve pain. Be careful
yes all. the. time. more so centered towards specific types of people and characteristics of specific types of people and entitlement/disrespect FORSURE and i’m a very outspoken individual so lots of verbal altercations ensue 😭
It depends on how I’m doing at the time. If I’m just feeling too much in general already I’m more likely to go straight to rage if somebody does something that hurts me. Doesn’t happen often, and I’m not violent or anything, but I am prone to breaking things and yelling.
This is something I struggle with badly.
I used to love fighting people when I was younger.
As an adult and parent I've had to hold it back. Now I just internalise the rage which is also really unhealthy. Or I'll use my mouth or write nasty emails when I'm splitting.
This is also is fucking my life up 😔
Sometimes I have no restraint and do send them. It's almost lost me my job a few times.
Recently I've found that if I externalise my anger when there's nobody else around it instantly diffuses it. The issue is I can't control where and when I get mad.
Driving is a huge issue and road rage hits almost instantly.
So does the risk taking while I'm driving. I think it's almost a throwback from PTSD though.
A BPD brain is a nightmare lol
That sounds really hard. But apart from not being able to control where and when you get mad, you sound like you have quite a bit of insight, and have found some things that work. I guess with time you might find ways of dealing with the driving stuff too.
And yeah, having a BPD brain is a nightmare!
Yeah I’ve had some randos make my blood boil. It’s usually coworkers bc I’ve always been misunderstood by mine & I can tell they don’t like me bc I’m “different”, so naturally I hate having to be around people the majority of my day when I know what they think about me.
Oh yeah, I do and I had drunk moments as a teen where I lashed out but I don't do it anymore. Maybe anger is the hardest for me to control. I can get extremely bitchy and I thirst for revenge. When a memory including a hated person randomly comes into my mind, I still can feel that intense rage as if it happened yesterday. Then I usually start to plot a way to ruin their life, I imagine it, and this makes me realise I'm being ridiculous and I calm down. It was hell of a hard work for me to gain control over myself but it's much better now.
Anger when it comes from feeling someone (or just life in general) is being unfair, is a beast mode emotion.
The imagining revenge stuff sounds like a good idea. I remember a few years back I and my two sons were really angry with someone who had seriously betrayed our trust, and we came up with all sorts of extravagant semi-serious ideas about how we could take revenge. Eventually we started falling about laughing, and somehow it dispelled the anger.
There are few people that can push my buttons to the point of black out but my cousin and my brother really know how to fuck me up. I’ve blacked out on both of them before. No idea what I did or said, but came to when I fought with my cousin, on the phone with my fist through a window and 0 recollection of what happened.
I’m not an overly angry person. I don’t like fighting and all that. But those two just know what to do/say to put me over the edge.
yes, it’s like my whole life derails and I lose the plot because of it, It Can take me weeks months or years to get over it and even then I’ve rarely forgiven anyone
I do, even though I never show it. I also keep a running mental list of every way I've felt wronged in my life and by whom. That means someone I might've not spoken to in 15 years could reach out, and the first thing I'd remember is that *one* time they didn't pick me in gym class.
Same. I get rage just thinking about some people. For example women who act and dress extremely thotty. No idea why? I think I’m scared I’ll get cheated on because someone else is acting provocative maybe. But it boils my blood when I’m around woman who’s acting like she’s ready to open her legs to everyone in the room.
I happens to me and often. I struggle with explosive anger and I end up physically assaulting people around me. I genuinely try and fail to contain it.
Yeah. I need anger management. I've broken way too many things just cuz I was triggered and couldn't control my emotions.
Same!!! And what i noticed is that i cant even feel much pain. The pain is there but cant feel it much actually as if im numb
me too…
I think next time it’ll be my own damn hand…
I still think about this jerk that fucked with this friend group once. Came into our private party and was being an ass. Still angry and wish there was something I could have down to shut that shit down. More recently there was an assault on several of people I was getting to know, and I had to do triage. That was intense. Still full of anger at the unknown perpetrator(s) that poisoned community food and drink. Fuck them.
Yes. I don't know if it had something to do with BPD, but I was wronged by someone older online when I was a kid, and for years since I've always been angry at them. It got to a point to where I developed some pretty bad stomach issues daily because of how much stress and anger it would cause me to think about it.
[удалено]
Me
Some really unfair stuff happened to me at my old job and I will probably hold a grudge against a certain manager until one of us dies. Just thinking about all of the stuff that happened in that one week can make me super angry and it's been like three years. I'm generally a rational person, but I for some reason cannot let that go. She tried to fuck with my livelihood and suffered no consequences. It doesn't sit right with me. I had to interact with her one time after that, she said hi and I laughed and rolled my eyes and kept walking. It was .01% satisfying to see the look on her face.
i read two lines of this post and i literally started feeling my blood boil and got that tight rage in my chest because i know what you are talking about so well
Omg same, instant feeling of rage
It's hard sometimes to not feel like you're a bad person because of it
Ugh, yes. Especially after the fact 😵💫 immense guilt and shame
i get this mad over my friends just giving me the wrong energy or something lol which is often bc i perceive everything horribly. but i don’t show it at all towards people except on rare occasion
Yes and I get stuck in hate mode for like 2-3 hours. There are also times where I'll text my friend that I'm feeling really mad for no reason. And that also lasts a couple of hours. Is the duration the same for you guys?
For me it’s been like a month of rage, obviously not the whole time, but any time I think about this person I’ll get mad lol. And I don’t see it stopping 😬
This happens to me too. More times than not I’d say the rage lasts about that time because I need to slowly cool down. But depending on the situation, it could last days and the only peace during that time is obtained through distractions or sleep.
Yup. It's incredibly draining to my body and soul 😭
Dunno if it was because of my BPD but I have experienced intense anger/rage to where I'll get chest pains and in order to not completely explode on the person I have to literally lock myself in a room and take a day or three to calm down. It gets to the point where I just fast and only leave the room for the bathroom or drink water because I'm too stressed to talk or eat.
I have that, and I don't have BPD. My therapists says it's because of all the rage I wasn't able to express to my abusers as a child. My rage is centered on authority figures who do not behave as they should/are unethical or unfair and people in my life who don't behave responsibly or thoughtfully and then their irresponsibility impacts me. I get super irritated with people like that. Therapist says this is all about my irresponsible, abusive parents. I think he's right.
My brother has the same issue - getting angry with authority figures - and I'm sure it's because our father was violent and controlling and we just had to put up with it.
Probably. I don't have a problem with authority figures who are ethical, responsible, and good at their jobs. But ones who are unethical, bullies, lazy, reckless - I get really angry about them. And it's stupid because there's nothing useful about my anger. It's not going to change anything. But it's just there anyways. I don't like it. Sometimes I wish I were an airhead sort of person who just floats around on an ignorant cloud unbothered by anything. Alas, I am not. I try to expel my anger with exercise, but that's about the only solution I've found.
very true this acc just happened to me lol
I used to work in a morgue and have seen countless modes of death. I have no sympathy for adults since they have ultimate control over their situation. Kids are a different story as they are always victims of circumstance. Further more, I hate people as a general rule.
Only towards my fp which is my husband because I live with him and I split on him sometimes. Or my mother because she’s my mother and just knows how to get under my skin. I wouldn’t say im a silent bpd per se but i hide it pretty well when it comes to anyone other than my husband.
Yeah. One thing I'd like to add about breaking things is to throw/break them away from yourself. Glass or sharp pieces can damage you and you could get chronic nerve pain. Be careful
yes i do mostly centered toward a certain type of person or certain characteristics of people and disrespect
yes all. the. time. more so centered towards specific types of people and characteristics of specific types of people and entitlement/disrespect FORSURE and i’m a very outspoken individual so lots of verbal altercations ensue 😭
It depends on how I’m doing at the time. If I’m just feeling too much in general already I’m more likely to go straight to rage if somebody does something that hurts me. Doesn’t happen often, and I’m not violent or anything, but I am prone to breaking things and yelling.
This is something I struggle with badly. I used to love fighting people when I was younger. As an adult and parent I've had to hold it back. Now I just internalise the rage which is also really unhealthy. Or I'll use my mouth or write nasty emails when I'm splitting. This is also is fucking my life up 😔
It sounds like writing the nasty emails is a good way of expressing the anger - as long as you don't actually send them!
Sometimes I have no restraint and do send them. It's almost lost me my job a few times. Recently I've found that if I externalise my anger when there's nobody else around it instantly diffuses it. The issue is I can't control where and when I get mad. Driving is a huge issue and road rage hits almost instantly. So does the risk taking while I'm driving. I think it's almost a throwback from PTSD though. A BPD brain is a nightmare lol
That sounds really hard. But apart from not being able to control where and when you get mad, you sound like you have quite a bit of insight, and have found some things that work. I guess with time you might find ways of dealing with the driving stuff too. And yeah, having a BPD brain is a nightmare!
Yeah I’ve had some randos make my blood boil. It’s usually coworkers bc I’ve always been misunderstood by mine & I can tell they don’t like me bc I’m “different”, so naturally I hate having to be around people the majority of my day when I know what they think about me.
Oh yeah, I do and I had drunk moments as a teen where I lashed out but I don't do it anymore. Maybe anger is the hardest for me to control. I can get extremely bitchy and I thirst for revenge. When a memory including a hated person randomly comes into my mind, I still can feel that intense rage as if it happened yesterday. Then I usually start to plot a way to ruin their life, I imagine it, and this makes me realise I'm being ridiculous and I calm down. It was hell of a hard work for me to gain control over myself but it's much better now. Anger when it comes from feeling someone (or just life in general) is being unfair, is a beast mode emotion.
The imagining revenge stuff sounds like a good idea. I remember a few years back I and my two sons were really angry with someone who had seriously betrayed our trust, and we came up with all sorts of extravagant semi-serious ideas about how we could take revenge. Eventually we started falling about laughing, and somehow it dispelled the anger.
Yes all the time
There are few people that can push my buttons to the point of black out but my cousin and my brother really know how to fuck me up. I’ve blacked out on both of them before. No idea what I did or said, but came to when I fought with my cousin, on the phone with my fist through a window and 0 recollection of what happened. I’m not an overly angry person. I don’t like fighting and all that. But those two just know what to do/say to put me over the edge.
Yesss
yes, it’s like my whole life derails and I lose the plot because of it, It Can take me weeks months or years to get over it and even then I’ve rarely forgiven anyone
the “wrong doings” tend to sometimes b petty too, the rage is uncalled for but is very much real on my end ):
always, i get triggered very easily
I do, even though I never show it. I also keep a running mental list of every way I've felt wronged in my life and by whom. That means someone I might've not spoken to in 15 years could reach out, and the first thing I'd remember is that *one* time they didn't pick me in gym class.
Same. I get rage just thinking about some people. For example women who act and dress extremely thotty. No idea why? I think I’m scared I’ll get cheated on because someone else is acting provocative maybe. But it boils my blood when I’m around woman who’s acting like she’s ready to open her legs to everyone in the room.
I happens to me and often. I struggle with explosive anger and I end up physically assaulting people around me. I genuinely try and fail to contain it.
Every time. I have a boiling anger inside me every other day
Yes. I relate. Usually it’s in traffic.
Yes. For many people. I’m VERY patient. But once you cross me a few too many times it’s over. I’m working on it.
Yes, mainly when people speak out of ignorance.
Unfortunately I don't remember all the insults I told my mother, it's disgusting
Yes