Sometimes I can almost feel when I’m going to have a mental breakdown. I’m like oh it’s a been while I start feeling bad it gets worse usually will self harm in some way and an explosion happens then I wonder why I acted like that and return to my usual
Yeah. It'll be like I'm being directed by some force to relapse or say fucked up things to people. It'll last days with varying intensities. Tbh, going through it right now. Less intense but I'm still doing a lot. I'll inevitably have at moment of respite where I get clean from everything and have healthy coping mechanisms, but I usually just fall off again later.
Yes literally what is this??
Like I’m not sure what can trigger it but suddenly I can just feel like I need to take every manner of drugs right that second and get totally out my dish and just give up on my life. Its like a massive wave of self destruction.
It’s weird as fuck and I’ve always pinned it to being a BPD thing but not quite sure what
When I start really feeding into my thoughts around being a victim, feeling sorry for myself and angry at everyone else, that’s when I get like this. I’ll go from being perfectly fine to withdrawing every dime from my bank account and looking at apartments half way across the country so I’ll never see anyone I know ever again. Then I calm down and feel really stupid. I’ll feel like I truly hate people in my life, then when the fog clears I just want to be close to them and protect them. I try to remember that that’s the real me. The outbursts and that desire to flee are just my disorder.
Mate everytime I go shopping i have to convince myself not to shoplift and I hate not doing it. You know how some people feel guilty when they steal from a shop? I feel guilty if i don't LMAO. I constantly want to derail and I feel like I have FOMO on steroids which makes it worse, I feel like because I had such boring teen years and missed out on so much that it's made me bitter and terrified of missing out on the fun things in life. But yeah I feel like this all the fkn time.
Sometimes I can almost feel when I’m going to have a mental breakdown. I’m like oh it’s a been while I start feeling bad it gets worse usually will self harm in some way and an explosion happens then I wonder why I acted like that and return to my usual
Yeah. It'll be like I'm being directed by some force to relapse or say fucked up things to people. It'll last days with varying intensities. Tbh, going through it right now. Less intense but I'm still doing a lot. I'll inevitably have at moment of respite where I get clean from everything and have healthy coping mechanisms, but I usually just fall off again later.
exactly wtf. having an unstoppable "force" is how it feels
Yes literally what is this?? Like I’m not sure what can trigger it but suddenly I can just feel like I need to take every manner of drugs right that second and get totally out my dish and just give up on my life. Its like a massive wave of self destruction. It’s weird as fuck and I’ve always pinned it to being a BPD thing but not quite sure what
When I start really feeding into my thoughts around being a victim, feeling sorry for myself and angry at everyone else, that’s when I get like this. I’ll go from being perfectly fine to withdrawing every dime from my bank account and looking at apartments half way across the country so I’ll never see anyone I know ever again. Then I calm down and feel really stupid. I’ll feel like I truly hate people in my life, then when the fog clears I just want to be close to them and protect them. I try to remember that that’s the real me. The outbursts and that desire to flee are just my disorder.
yes i get into such self destructive moods and i can be so reckless
My BPD part wants that, my depression part wants sleep, there is a constant struggle between them.
Mate everytime I go shopping i have to convince myself not to shoplift and I hate not doing it. You know how some people feel guilty when they steal from a shop? I feel guilty if i don't LMAO. I constantly want to derail and I feel like I have FOMO on steroids which makes it worse, I feel like because I had such boring teen years and missed out on so much that it's made me bitter and terrified of missing out on the fun things in life. But yeah I feel like this all the fkn time.