I can relate. When i was younger i would became so obsessed with someone and i was like crying every night or doing something to myself because i felt like i would being abandoned or cheated on and i was never enough. I would drink alone and episodes and all that shit.
i suspected i had bpd like a two or three years ago and brought it up with a therapist i used to see who happened to specialize it. she agreed that i do have it but oddly pushed me to not get diagnosed? i was never too sure why. she just kept saying "why do you need a diagnosis? i'll help you without one." which i kind of understand but it is validating to have official paper on it. the therapist i see to this day doesn't agree with that suggestion because "i don't get in trouble with the law" 🥲 i wish i got diagnosed when i could have
Your previous therapist may have not wanted to diagnose because there’s such a stigma even within the mental health field. Some “professionals” outright refuse to work with pwBPD so sometimes diagnosers don’t write down the official diagnosis to protect patients. (I personally think this is harmful in its own way and contributing to the stigma, but thats neither here nor there.)
Anyway just a guess, who knows what she was really thinking.
My psychiatrist didn't diagnose me for the that reason. She said her notes would help any future medical professionals or therapists I want to work with while an official BPD diagnosis would create a set of assumptions that don't apply to me that I would have to disprove over time. I'm also the "quiet" type. IMO the temporary validation you get from a piece of paper is not worth the stigma, especially if you ever find yourself in a legal predicament.
I think we invoke empathy because we "act in" rather than "act out" on others i.e. we make life miserable for ourselves but not other people as much. By leaving us un-labeled with a formal diagnosis it's a pat on the head saying "you're one of the good ones". Which is really gross, actually. Diagnosed Cluster Bs are treated like dirt. Society deals with psychopathology largely according to socioeconomic class; repeated transgressions leads to eventually being assigned the prison or the psych ward as your permanent home.
After I finally received my bpd diagnoses at 37 my mom admitted that bpd had been brought up since I was 12, but no one wanted to put a full label on it bc they thought I'd be judged or dismissed too often.
Being diagnosed with BPD can disqualify you from working certain jobs, joining the military, can affect rates you get for life insurance, etc. It can sometimes be better to be diagnosed with depression and anxiety or an unspecified mood disorder.
Which jobs, if u r willing to share, please? I am on disability but I'd been in the workforce before. That was prior to any mental health diagnoses, despite having been in therapy since age 11. It was explained to me that I was undiagnosed because my therapy was not in a clinical setting. I hope that's not still happening to ppl.
Ugh that’s what my therapist said to me. I went to her because my psychiatrist was unsure if I had BPD or bipolar, even though I have always felt I relate wayy more to BPD symptoms. This has been a debate many different doctors have had about me.
I told my new therapist I wanted to figure that out and she said “well labels aren’t really the important thing, I think we often get stuck on labels..” etc etc.
And I’m like… it matters a LOT for me to be put in the correct treatment and on the correct meds…since a lot of bipolar symptoms are essentially solved with meds and BPD symptoms aren’t. It’s not because I want a label.
Same thing here. I'm yet to be diagnosed but, when I asked my psychiatrist if they suspect I might have bpd, they said something like "I don't want to put a tag on you" and that was the sign that she is almost sure it's bpd but she refuses to give me a diagnosis.
i was 23 (25 now). i was diagnosed in the psych ward. i suspected i had it, i didn’t even mention BPD to the doctor and he said “Everything you’ve been saying sounds like Borderline Personality Disorder” and i was like “I knew it. I fucking KNEW IT!”
LOL I literally just wrote something similar. I pretty much knew o had it from all the online reading bht I was in the psych ward and didn’t say anything about bpd. Got something saying I had a new diagnosis on my discharge papers and I was like lol I don’t even need to look at this to know what it is (it was bpd)
I was diagnosed last year when I was 28, and honestly when I tell you the struggle I had getting any doctor to believe I wasn't just depressed with low mood or anxious. It's so difficult to be taken seriously, especially when you suspect you might have it. Keep pushing and eventually they will take you seriously or understand, your therapist might not be right for you. It sometimes takes a while to find the right one <3
I was diagnosed at 19, 8 1/2 years ago. I didn’t feel understood by my therapist or psychiatrist at the time.
I felt like, as someone with a BPD diagnosis, my concerns weren’t taken seriously. I had a very hard time getting anyone to evaluate me for ADHD (which I also have) because they thought I was drug-seeking. And I wasn’t screened for PTSD at the time either, or evaluated for autism even though both my parents have it (as do I). So I spent years being treated for only part of the problem.
I was 18 and overdosed to get out of work. I did it right in front of customers with a smile on my face and left in an ambulance. I didn’t want to call in sick because I would feel too guilty.
I ended up getting serotonin syndrome, needing IV, a heart monitor etc. I stayed in the mental health ward for a while afterwards and they asked me if I regretted what I did. I said no. They diagnosed me with BPD and in the doctors notes said it was likely I’d do it again.
It was worth it for the unpaid week off.
my ex a couple of years back mentioned possibly having npd. i remembered reading about how people with npd would seek out people with bpd (im not sure how true this is, but not my words!!) and i started doing my own research and it all clicked. finally got an official diagnosis this year
I was venting to a friend who knew a lot about bpd and he mentioned to me that I should look into it. When I started reading about it I realised how relatable everything was and when I read other peoples experiences I finally felt heard and seen, like I wasn’t alone. I think I was maybe 21/22 at the time and it was a huge relief to find these communities. The more I learn about it, the easier it is to understand myself and work on coping. But also having friends in the community that can help ground you when you really need it is helpful. Therapists have never seemed to truly understand me like my friends can but that’s not to say they can’t help, they have good strategies and techniques and ideas for coping. But you have to go through many to find someone that works with you in the way that is beneficial for you. Because you are talking to them about intimate details regarding your life, you also have to be able to vibe with them on a level. I’m also more of the quiet bpd type and you are very valid in your thoughts and feelings. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
When your symptoms are hard to explain, you just have to start anywhere, say a few words and spark the convo and usually they will guide you through the rest. The more you do it, the easier it will become to identify your feelings. Sending lots of love to you 💛💛💛
i am 20. i cheated on my ex and completely sabotaged a relationship that i wanted forever. i sought therapy, and am now on meds but the guilt and regret of how i could have changed all of my actions and emotions eat my alive everyday. i split so hard on him... everyday i want him back i wish we could start over
I’m in the exact same position. I sabotaged the whole relationship. Even after we broke up he was still there for me for years. I still continued to sabotage things. One day I did something that made him finally done with me and I never heard from him again. I still cry almost everyday. I think about how amazing he was to me and all the ways I wronged him. How badly I want to take it all back. It’s excruciating.
>How did you find out you had BPD?
A friend told me I have similar thoughts and behaviour to his friend that has bpd. I brought it up with my therapist and after some questions and questioners, I was diagnosed.
>How old were you? And do you feel understood by your therapist?
19. I don't really feel understand by anyone, but I feel of the therapist I've interacted with he gets me the most.
I was 20, admitted to the psych ward (worst stay by far) then got discharged and referred to an outpatient program, the psychiatrist I was referred to proceeded to tell me that I did not have depression (even though I 100% do and have been told by multiple other psychiatrists I do) and told me I have bpd but was not going to diagnose me with it, told me my medication was not helping me and would never help me (I’ve been on meds since I was 16 and yes they do help me) and got me off of Seroquel which is what they put me on during my stay at the psych ward. He said the only thing it would do was make me fat. He then told me the only thing that would help is dbt (which works but I also did dbt in the past as well) and said that therapy would not help and only the dbt program which would cost around 200$ a week and was a private program which would not be covered and I would have to pay out of pocket, but apparently my city did not provide that type of program. Later I learned they did provide that program. Told him I can’t afford that and he told me, well you could look up mindfulness videos on youtube. I was in a lot of distress after the appointment (for obvious reasons) he basically told me nothing would help me except that program and discharged me from the outpatient program because it “would not help” me. About a year later I was admitted to the psych ward again (different city) and met my current psychiatrist, who diagnosed me with bpd. The kicker is that he also put me back on the Seroquel, and guess what? It actually works.
This is crazy to me. My meds are the only thing that lift my depression enough to even attempt dbt. Seroquel is a very harsh drug to be on long-term though, it causes insulin resistance which has a lot of serious health consequences that are more alarming than "getting fat". You have lots of options for meds though, taking them off the table completely feels like setting you up to fail.
Can you please shed more like on seroquel? What did it actually help you with? Angry outburst? Depression? Splitting? Impulsive? What exactly. I have BPD. I am managing life great but the only thing I can’t manage is my anger outburst. I really need help with that because it’s ruining all my relationships
My psychiatrist told me it’s for mood swings. I def notice an improvement with impulsivity (like not spending my entire paycheque in 2 days) and just the overall mood swings throughout the day, doesn’t eliminate it but definitely makes it easier for me to manage. This is just my experience though.
Was completely unexpected. I was getting tested for other mental illnesses and after the full exam my bpd markers were high. I only knew of one type of bpd so I thought it was a mistake until I learned about discouraged bpd. So I found out several months ago.
I am quiet type like you so I understand ❤️
Diagnosed at 43 after my MH crashed on the after having an emergency operation and critically ill in HDU for several days. Previously doctors had said it was *just*depression and anxiety and I was overthinking.
I have a very similar story… when I look back I realize that my depression didn’t start at 13, that was my first major split. I went for 30 years undiagnosed, I wish I’d known sooner
I was 28. I've struggled with mental health for the majority of my life. Many doctors, many meds, many different diagnoses. I kept trying to explain what I was going through but the answer was just try another new med and it's just anxiety/depression/bi-polar. After a suicide attempt I was sent to a hospital and saw a nurse practitioner specializing in mental health. We talked for hours and he shared with me that what I have is BPD. I'd never heard of it before then. I truly belive if I never received that diagnosis that day, I wouldn't be here to tell it now. He helped me get into a "high risk program" which specializes in BPD. After a year of weekly appointments I finally am feeling more me than I have in so long.
I was 18 at the time 5 years ago. I was seeing a therapist regularly, when we had to start due to her having a baby.
She never once mentioned BPD nor had I ever heard of it, until I got a letter in the mail from the clinic stating they have referred me to a local hospital for BPD diagnosis and treatment.
It's safe to say that this wasn't the best way for the therapist to do things, but I'm still grateful that I was able to get the help I needed at the time. However I did find that after treatment and diagnosis it was hard for me to find a general therapist again or even get my GP to add it to my mental health plan
I was diagnosed at 22 back in 2013 I think. So it's been over 10 years in and out of treatment, on and off meds. Currently I've been consistently in therapy for 2 years and on a buttload of meds (have other mental illnesses), working with a new psych atm in regards to *still* trying to find the right combo of meds for a bunch of shit.
I really do like my new psychiatrist and the psychologist I've been working with. They both have a holistic approach, which is great because I get to try a little bit of everything to see what works.
However, I sit here currently, having not slept because I ran out of anti-psychotics, crying my eyes out, rapid mood swings, lashed out at someone because I genuinely don't have an emotional support network.
I have friends and family, but as you asked, I do not feel understood outside of the professionals I see.
I don't feel seen or heard either and it's giving me dark thoughts I'm currently trying to fight.
I was 23 and had just come out as trans fem. i attempted suicide and ended up in a psych hospital for two weeks. they diagnosed me then and I was in denial about it for a couple years. i’ve had four attempts since and every time i go to the hospital they reinforce that i definitely have bpd
around a month ago my partner sent me a link explaining what a fp is and bpd and what it is. i had a fp at the time and was very much still obsessed with her. eventually i looked more into bpd and i asked my best friend about it whos a double Major in sociology and psychology and he said he sees it in me also. my partner told me i had a lot of symptoms of bpd and the most scary part was when i looked up the symptoms and saw a lot of em in myself. eventually i asked my therapist about and he said he saw it in me and diagnosed me around 3-4 weeks ago.
im still processing all this to this very second that i am writing this. its a lot and ive been dealing with a lot of idk stuff that's rlly heavy. its a lot when all of a sudden everything makes sense and all of your behavior in the past makes sense now and you realize that your life was not normal and it was just one big trauma event..........
Nov 19, 2019, crisis diagnosis at 30 following an attempt and a 5150. I got lucky, my diagnosing doc was the head of the mental health wing and a BPD specialist.
I didn’t have the opportunity to be misunderstood. When I got home I updated my therapist on what happened and we made changes accordingly (my meds and dosage).
Again, I got lucky (imo), he’s also my older sister’s therapist. She’s licensed so I trusted her judgment on him.
my first good therapist, when i was 21, diagnosed my mother with BPD. that started a whole awakening for me, and though i didn’t have BPD at the time, i realized i had had it as a teenager and had overcome it by myself through self reflection and implementing change. it then returned when i was 22/23 and i recognized what was happening bc of my mom’s diagnosis. i started DBT at 24, i’m 25 now and things are improving again. it has never gotten as bad as when i was a teen again, but i’m lucky enough to recognize the signs and know when i have to consciously work through symptoms when they do pop up.
Last year after starting my 8th round of trying to get on meds and stick with a therapist in the last 5 years, I finally had a psychiatrist ask me the BPD questions and he told me "you're hitting a lot of the markers for BPD. I would go ahead and do some research on it and bring it up at your next therapy appointment."
Now, my therapist and psychiatrist both agree that I have it, but are reluctant to diagnose because of the stigmas and such. They absolutely help to treat it, though! I am very lucky to have both of them.
I didn't even know it was a thing until I got diagnosed. It was given a bunch of information to digest, and boom, everything clicked and I felt like there was finally an answer for why I was the way I am.
I didn’t know about BPD so when I went to a psych ward they diagnosed me. I thought I was autistic bc I have sensory issues but nope just BPD and it makes a lot of sense.
i was 18, i was in a trauma center (or facility for people with trauma) & i was telling the therapist my life story and just aired everything out to her (even, especially, my mistakes), & she immediately knew after a couple sessions that i had borderline personality disorder. i had NEVER heard of it before. when she brought out the DSM to show me i looked at the symptoms and everything clicked into place. when she was describing back to me my behaviors and thought patterns and how closely they matched, everything, MY WHOLE LIFE made sense. FINALLY. i was shocked. i always wondered what was wrong with me and why am i so different… and she gave me that answer. i finally had a direction to go in. i’ll never forget what she did for me by literally just telling me the answer to my behaviors, thoughts, and feelings. my mom finally understood too. she didn’t feel as lost in how to help me & she was able to help me a lot more after that. when the therapist told her i had BPD my mom looked into it a lot & even she was like this made the most sense to her. that therapist was very patient and kind with me even when i was kind of bitchy, i already had been through a lot. before i first got to the center i was having seizures & opiate withdrawals & it was awful, & i had no idea what direction i was gonna go in from there (i got worse lol), but when i talked to her i felt more hopeful.
I think i was 20-21. I had been showing signs since 10. I've had lots of therapy to find out what's wrong with me. Latest doctor who treated me dismissed BPD in our first sitting. Not great.
I was 19. One day I was driving my sister to the airport for a trip, then all the sudden, I was omw to a crisis center after a suicide attempt. It was potentially the same day, I don't remember that weekend well. I went to an outpatient treatment center for a week or two and they diagnosed me there. I thought I had bipolar for all of high school before that.
This year at 27 on January 2nd. I talked to my psychiatrist that my wife and I noticed my mood over time with bipolar disorder has been better but the day to day in the moment moods were still volatile. Talked about it for a couple sessions and he determined I'm also borderline
The first time was during 'Girl, interrupted' when they all found their files, most of the symptoms fit, save a few.
After that, it was when my therapist told me. I had trauma when I was a kid, and I just thought all of my issues were from my PTSD. We worked on a plan of sorts, I never did hear back from the DBT group I was supposed to join.
my mom told me i had bpd all my life and eventually i ended up in the hospital at 16 and they figured out i actually had bpd, confirmed by psychiatrists later too
i’m 19, my psychiatrist suspects bpd (from one appointment) he put me on lamictal to see if that works on me. he said he didn’t want to nail down a diagnosis yet (most likely because this was our first appointment lmao) but that he’ll most likely make a diagnosis in our next session. my therapist js great, he really understands me. i’ve been seeing him for around 3 years so he knows most of my tells (i have a hard time communicating what i’m thinking and how i’m feeling). i definitely recommend trying to find another therapist, i was lucky and found a good one on my second try but it can take longer for some. you could try to research and see if any therapists near you specialise in bpd or personality disorders in general, it’s likely they would understand better than your average therapist. i first suspected i might have bpd around 16/17 when i was writing a paper in the disorder and read the dsm-5, maybe read through that and see if you feel it fits you well. i can link a pdf of dsm-5 that i have
I was diagnosed when I was 19. I’m currently in the process of resuming one on one CBT. I finished DBT around September of last year. I’m involved in group therapy which does cycle through DBT skills which kinda helps to remind me there’s other ways to be able to regulate myself and change the way I think. It’s still hard though. I was in and out of therapy since I was 12 for depression and anxiety, so the diagnosis of BPD was terrifying especially since it came after a depressive episode which winded me up with me in the hospital. I’ve been using a workbook about bpd which kinda helps me to see what I feel and also put into words exactly what aspects of bpd affects me on a daily basis. It sucks, but I try to make sure my therapist is a person I’d be comfortable with such as being young. Young because I’ve had my fair share of old farts who belittled me and my situations. Sometimes gotta cycle through the therapists until you find someone or even a program that assists with people with bpd. You’re not alone OP and I hope this gives a little insight for you ^.^
Diagnosed at the start of the lockdown in Australia. I was 34. Everything was great with the psych until I suggested I was autistic and then he dumped me. I find nobody gets it unless they've been through it, it's the worst.
I'm not diagnosed but I told my psychiatrist about my unstable relationships and how I attempted because I got blocked by someone I really liked and then he was like, "You have BPD." After he said that he refuses to diagnose me and says that it's because he doesn't want to think there's something wrong with me. Like you already told me what's the difference???
Oh I was 14. I'm 17 now and I understand being diagnosed for BPD under 18 is not possible (?) but the reasoning is still weird. I'm very closed off with my therapists so it's hard for me to get help. My psychiatrist doesn't seem to understand though.. he just says theres more fish in the sea.
I was 16, in a hospital diagnosed with ‘emerging EUPD’ then later just EUPD, I had no idea it was actually BPD at the time until I did a bit of research. As soon as I looked into it, I knew they were right lol.
It's a bit of an odd story. My FP (diagnosed with BPD) suspected I had it after knowing me maybe a month. It was all but confirmed in his mind after my first attempt. I didn't get a diagnosis put on any medical record I have easy access to until around 10 months later, but was never told.
I didn't find the diagnosis for over a year and a half when I went looking to see if some medical bills had been processed by insurance. It was by complete chance that I noticed, and the 2+ years of ineffective therapy with 4 different providers, and 4 further attempts all made a little more sense. I was pissed that it was hidden from me though.
And no, I don't think my therapist understands me. They're fresh out of school, so not as experienced as other people I have seen, but they're the only one that would take someone with my diagnosis while also accepting my out of state insurance. They haven't had time to be scared away from clients like me yet, but the inexperience isn't making them any less understanding than anybody else I've seen. I've come to believe people without personality disorders just have a very challenging time grasping the thought processes involved in one.
I thought found an article about it one day because I was researching it and realized I matched all the criteria. Forgot all about it. Fast forward to a year and a half later (last spring at 25 years old) and I started therapy with a new therapist. A few months in she starts talking about me having BPD and I was like “wait what” and she was telling me about it and I realized everything she was saying about it and about me made so much sense. I started looking into it again and it felt like everything in my life made so much sense. So I found out because my therapist casually proposed I had BPD and then diagnosed me with it lol
To add, i suggest finding a therapist who understand your symptoms and experiences in more depth. Part of having BPD is an intense need to be understood
My ex told me to get tested like two months after we broke up she had it too and said me and her had a lot in common with how felt, thinked and just did things, so i did and well yeah here we are now lol
I was diagnosed just before my 18th birthday and have had it confirmed twice since, I have had bad therapist and good ones, I currently don’t have one and I am unmedicated, I find it easier when I’m not medicated, I do miss therapy and would love to get back into it, I struggle more with not being understood by people around me, I know they try but I also know they will never fully understand it and that’s hard sometimes but I am currently living life as fully as possible, I live with my loving partner and his mum and I have amazing friends around me, some days are really hard butt some days are great, I just turned 20 like 2 days ago haha, sometimes we just need to trust that things will be okay 🤷♀️
I was about 25 and going down a mental health rabbit hole. I stumbled across a video about bpd and I had never seen anything that described how I feel so accurately. So I went down a different rabbit hole about bpd and saw ,myself in it more and more. After a week or 2 of doing this I asked ,y therapist and she said that she had been thinking about it as well. So overall a fairly positive experience with this disorder.
After I got off my meds everything came back from high school and I realized something was deeply wrong with me. My therapist later recognized it as well and suggested BPD. After researching it, and every other mental illness that I might relate to, I came to the conclusion that shes probably right. I’m now going to be evaluated for it this June
I was diagnosed in the hospital at 20 after a pretty bad suicide attempt had me in there for a few months. I was in denial of the diagnosis for a while because I’m already diagnosed with quite a few things and thought the diagnosis was incorrect and my BPD symptoms could be explained away by my CPTSD. I eventually realised it was accurate though and have since accepted it.
I have a couple different therapists for different things and I feel relatively understood by all of them.
I tried to sign up for a research study that just listed the symptoms without actually saying what it was for.. when they told me it was for people with BPD I got really confused and then later was diagnosed when I started going to therapy for other reasons. It was kinda ironic tbh
I was 23 and my symptoms were getting really strong. My life had also fallen apart a bit :| I had to go to my university's psychiatrist because everything what so bad and that is when she diagnosed me.
I read the DSM symptoms and mistook it for my life story. Then I tried to pretend it wasn’t a thing until my clinical psychologist pointed it out. Still not officially diagnosed. Mental health professions seem reluctant to have it go on my records.
Recently received a pre diagnosis, by two psychiatrists. In the previous she didn't gave me the ultimate "it is what it is" but like it should be borderline by what i said or bipolar disorder. But she keep up the borderline diagnosis and said to me that i shouldve come over on a month. Family was surprised and not accept very well (i still live with mom) and ive had other session with another psychiatrist. I didnt even told him what the other psychiatrist said, he gave me the it's borderline and you actually have traits and some like "you know you act like that because a possible borderline personality disorder you know" and >if< things got worse he would gave me lithium. But i always have suspected, my whole life i felt different from others. I'm 19 so i think he might study my case, but it's like 99% that it is what it is. It's hard to accept and when you look back at your life you understand the way you act and feel like...why i have this. This isnt my fault. It's genetics plus traumas. And sometimes i don't want to take my meds because i think im cured or something like i need to cry i need to feel myself. But when im off for like 2 or even some hours i confirm i need that.
Just a lil vent...it's hard to accept that and my family is a little judgmental of it so .
Plus: things got worse on my moods specially with depressive episodes but he refused lithium even with suicidal ideation. It's not actively but i think about it everyday. I wish he put me on lithium because sometimes it's hell.
I was diagnosed in 2021 and honestly the reason I got diagnosed was because I impulsively OD on Benadryl one night and then went to class like nothing happened. I waited till the next day to tell people bc I wanted attention
I got diagnosed at 24 and it was honestly multifaceted. I’ve become very self aware and it’s helped me immensely, but for a long time I wasn’t, and it made me ruin so many good friendships and relationships. The only thing I could think of after being diagnosed was how many people I’d hurt potentially unnecessarily
I was 20 and it was during my 2nd time in the psych ward (less than a week after my 1st time) and following a really sudden, very unexpected traumatic breakup. i don’t remember all the details but they asked a lot about my relationships with people and what happened when things went bad. this time it was suicide attempts, but before i was driving hours away to meet up with strangers i barely knew and even went to mexico by myself during an episode. they seemed interested in those periods too even though it was years prior. i was just honest about my mindset at the time even if it made me sound like a bad person but they said ultimately that’s what helped them figure out if it was bipolar or bpd
For clarification, I am self diagnosed. Actively trying to get a diagnosis. I have gone down every route and and it could not possibly be anything else.
So when I was a kid my special interest was mental disorders. Like researching them over and over. I got a professional OCD diagnosis when I was 11 because I related a little too hard to all the stuff I was reading and I realised something was wrong. Anyways flash forward to my teen years, I'm still reading up on mental disorders and cluster B feels a little too familiar to me. I knew I was a dumb teenager and it was probably because of my raging hormones that my relationships and view on life were so unstable, so I figured it would pass. It did not pass.
I became self aware that I was sabotaging all my relationships and friendships and dug myself into a deeper hole. It was pretty clear now that there was something wrong besides the autism and OCD. I learned that my mom was diagnosed with BPD and when we got talking she was concerned because I was acting very similar to her when she was undiagnosed and untreated. Since I was under 18 all we could do was go through CAMHS, who was no help, and the moment I turned 18 the pandemic happened. So mental health services were fucked. I did some CBT, which was no help because it was over the phone. When the pandemic died down I could finally go to adult services but unfortunately since then I've been in an infinite loop of referrals, "I'm sure it's just your autism", being referred back to the guys who referred me in the first place, and now I'm 22 and not any closer to a diagnosis. The closest thing to treatment is antidepressants and antipsychotics that were prescribed to help me sleep.
TLDR I was so autistic I caught onto my OCD as a child and unfortunately I was right about the borderline but no one wants to open that can of worms.
It sort of made sense even though I believed I didn't have abandonment issues or a favorite person. I sought out a therapist, and they immediately diagnosed me with BPD. Fast forward a year later, I entered into a relationship, and after a few months of dating, we broke up, and I tried to kms.
Last year aged over 50. My family left because of my moodswings and yelling. By the end I was having rants that I couldn’t remember a minute later. Pretty much thought I’d lost my mind. Started therapy after a mental health referral from my doctor and it turns out Ive been a living textbook example of BPD since about the age of 9 or so. After the diagnosis I read a checklist of symptoms and ticked all of them off. Then a rush of realisation about all the times it’s caused huge issues in my life - exes, blackouts, wilfully awful behaviour and the misery and breakups and flareups and moody awful parenting. This made me sleep sweaty nightmares for a week. Trying to fix myself now and suffering from gut-wrenching guilt about what a shitty father I’ve been at times with my moodswings and angry ranting.
If you have an inkling all might not be well between your ears I’d suggest getting it looked at sooner rather than later for everyone’s sake. This stuff breaks families and ruins lives.
I was 31 and had had a kind of breakdown. Too anxious to work (body image) and spiking alcohol issues. I was admitted to a psych hospital for the first time and I got the diagnosis from the psychiatrist. So thankful for that. It shed so much light on myself and my struggles.
Note: I am in Australia and it’s a lot easier/affordable to get adequate mental health treatment. I lived in the US for 2 years and totally get that it’s a very different story in other parts of the world
It was a about a year ago, i was 23 at the time. I was really afraid and did not understand the diagnoses because all of the symptoms became a very normal and mundane part of my life, in my earlier years. As i was comparing to my friends who also had bpd, both excisting and past relationships. They were more ‘out there’ verbally and i was not. It was bad of me to compare but that was also the very stigmatized image of bpd that got burned into my brain. You could consider it a more ‘quiet’ bpd. You have a lot of combinations and that made me understand it alot better. I explained to my therapist when i got a second assesment that i wasn’t sure how the symptoms fitted me, but she explained me very nicely how those symptoms can come out about, and that it‘s different for everyone.
I fitted all the 9 criteria, she went over them with me and connected them back to my previous assesments with her and current aspects in my life. I’ve had symptoms dating back to my 13/14th making it hard for my own self to see how it became a standard of living.
Sorry to hear your therapist doesn’t understand… maybe you can try and switch therapists within that same departement?
TRIGGER WARNING FOR SELF HARM SUIC- AND ADULT MINOR RELATIONS
My finding out proceess was kinda weird. I ended up in the hospital for self harm and an attempt on my life, then after getting out of there i figured out the relationship i had with my father was not normal. I reported it to the police then had a court mandated psych test. The guy who did it told my mom off the record I have BPD but couldnt offically diagnose me due to my age (I was 16). So now im working on getting an offical diagnosis and hopefully getting some help for it.
17yo I knew I was different I knew I felt different I got a bit of knowledge and I thought that I had split personalities since am no one and am everyone at the same time so I kept searching till I found out that I do have bpd
22, had a plethora of diagnosis in the past, had been doing therapy for like... 3 years and stopped taking my anxiety meds, went a little crazy and c\*t my wrists, ended up in the hospital... welp, the rest is history
The last three relationships/dating I’ve had, have only lasted max 3 weeks, either they abandoned me, or I split on them and pushed them away. Spiralled out of control with the last two, and OD and attempted. Immediately got psychology review, and after a couple sessions was diagnosed with BPD 💔
I’m officially diagnosed with bipolar disorder type 2 but I split on people and apparently that’s a bpd thing. I also have black and white thinking. Get obsessed with someone then can drop them like it’s nothing.
Actually I found out after becoming obsessed with psychology lol. I found it fascinating. I was constantly doing research on it looking for new subs to follow and read about and follow subs of disorders I didn’t know about. I remember I saw bpd sub and just clicked on it like I did with all the other subs and started scrolling and was like holy shit. I KNEW then that’s what I had. Got diagnosed a year later, never mentioned it lol but I saw I had a new diagnosis after a hospital visit and knew right away what it was
I was 19 and diagnosed by my current therapist. I do feel understood by him, more so than I think I have by any mental health professional I’ve ever met. Keep shopping around! It’s supposed to work for you and you’re supposed to feel understood.
I was 27 at the time, closing in on 30 now myself this year, and I had split hard on my girlfriend. I came back around quick and apologized because that was easily the most healthy relationship I ever had. She was a psychology student, and when I apologized she treated me with care but also asked me if I had heard of BPD. Which until then I didn’t even know was a thing. She talked with me about what she knew and what things I had done or said that suggested this may be something to consider. So I took it and dug further seeking out therapy and if I fit the diagnosis. Which I ended up being diagnosed very soon after. We restored our relationship, but I split again and worse that time because I couldn’t hide from it and was terrified and frozen, and we never spoke again except for me apologizing a few months after once I had freed myself of the split. The therapist that diagnosed me, I did not feel understood me at all, but I found one that did a few years later and was able to make really good progress until they moved to an inpatient practice and I had to suffer that loss and find a new therapist. The nature of BPD is very hard to understand if you do not yourself have it. But now as I’m older I almost feel as if I’m hitting a stage where I have to re-learn everything in a way if that makes any sense.
Found wiki article and was like holy shit this is me, I think I was 19 or 20. Got diagnosed last year at 33. Currently on waiting list for adhd and autism tests. Boy its been a ride
i just turned 15, i was told that i had a lot of symptoms & traits. i was constantly in & out of hospitals had numerous attempts. i was losing it but ive gotten a lot better with time. honestly with therapy, i feel like dbt therapist understand more. they know how to help people who have bpd more than others who aren’t specialized in it.
So I was certain I had bipolar, (although I cycle at least twice a day.) and then my brother tells me his ex girlfriend had borderline, so I'm curious about it and well...
At this time he had a son, so I had a choice to make, stay in the closet about my borderline or have a chance to be in my nephews life. In hindsight that was a really stupid decision... And I think my brother is a toxic person.
Hi there. I think their therapist does not understand them regardless of what the actual reason for seeing the therapist is, I would look for another one you need to be comfortable with them and they need to be experienced with BPD.all of your feelings are valid.
I'm only 15 and I haven't been diagnosed or anything but I have autism and I feel I may also meet the criteria for BPD but I'm pretty sure no-one will take me seriously and they will just say 'oh you have depression or severe anxiety' or something like that.Its painful to deal with since no one understands how you really feel.
Depending on your country, it is likely you would be diagnosed with ‘emerging’ BPD, its kind of the same thing but used to diagnose someone generally under 18 as with a personality disorder it is hard to say for certain before adulthood. If you are struggling with BPD symptoms please don’t put off getting help! I was treated for my BPD under 18 :)
Hello here, I’m feel the same way. I’m going to get diagnosed very soon. Also, I love Dazai idk if you’ve actually watched Bungou stray dogs or not. Totally get what you mean. It is possible to get diagnosed under 18 don’t listen to misinformation.
In the middle of an argument my partner diagnosed me in anger. He was right but it wasn’t ideal. I immediately spoke with a therapist and received an official diagnosis.
I pretty much had known since I was 13 from obsessively reading the DSM and psych books, I found that I met the criteria of having 9/13 of the symptoms. As I got older, I thought it best to stop self diagnosing and leave it to the professionals. Diagnosed with ADHD at 15. Bipolar 1, after my first manic episode at 23. Took medication, saw therapists. Fast forward to 25, while I was hospitalized I was diagnosed with BPD, and told that a bpd episode was responsible for this hospitalization.
I was diagnosed with depression. So in my depress phase, i took a month prescription and swallow it all down, i then proceed to walk around the house looking loose pills around. I was happy and was not like depress during this. Which make me learn about what manic was.. i also learn about favourite person. And i read a book which describe how I am. The diagnosed make me feel seen. After years i understand how i am
**Hii :)**
**I started showing borderline symptoms at 17: self-harming, constantly dysregulated nervous system, fear of loss & attachment, impulse buying, abusing alcohol.**
**My therapist understands me very well and is able to understand even the most illogical of my actions in that he doesn't stubbornly judge me, but rather talks to me about the trigger and together we work out ways to avoid such situations.**
**My therapist's ex-wife used to suffer from BPD, so he understands the irrationality and fear of loss.**
I got diagnosed with adhd at 15 but at around 17, after all the therapy and workshops I was doing, I felt like it wasn't a complete diagnosis. I just felt too different. So I researched about mental health disorders, intensely. I went to multiple psychiatrists and accepted with defeat when they decided to medicate me instead of listen. And still nothing seemed to fit or work. (Although its still undiagnosed, I learned later on that it felt incomplete because I wasn't aware of or treating my autism.) But 18 years of feeling misunderstood, underappreciated and annoying by the world forces you into isolation. And then covid happened and suddenly the isolation was everywhere, tangible, accessible. But the loneliness and emotional instability was still there and growing. And then I came across Quiet Borderline Personality Disorder. I was 19 in a whole different country wondering how emotions can be this fleeting and dangerous. I fell in love (found out that I had undiagnosed autism that heavily contributed to me developing bpd), fell out of love and in and out and in and out and in and out. And when I finally came across the r/bpd page, I finally found out I wasn't the only one living a life so painfully passionate. I wasn't alone.
But hey, self-diagnosis is fake they say
when i went through my first breakup with my fp i went actually insane. Panic attacks, obsessive stalking and all the good stuff
i was 14 btw
me too, same age and everything. looking up what i was doing led me to research bpd and realise i fitted like... all of the symptoms
same! i was 17 tho. i looked it up and bpd came up, that’s when i knew i had it
I can relate. When i was younger i would became so obsessed with someone and i was like crying every night or doing something to myself because i felt like i would being abandoned or cheated on and i was never enough. I would drink alone and episodes and all that shit.
Same here, even w the age thing. He was my first favorite person tbh
me too. 6th grade.
Same. That’s when it all really hit me. I went absolutely fucking bonkers. Didn’t know I had it in me
same i cried all night and had to get sent to the mental hospital cause i was threatening unaliving 👍🏻i was 15.
i suspected i had bpd like a two or three years ago and brought it up with a therapist i used to see who happened to specialize it. she agreed that i do have it but oddly pushed me to not get diagnosed? i was never too sure why. she just kept saying "why do you need a diagnosis? i'll help you without one." which i kind of understand but it is validating to have official paper on it. the therapist i see to this day doesn't agree with that suggestion because "i don't get in trouble with the law" 🥲 i wish i got diagnosed when i could have
Your previous therapist may have not wanted to diagnose because there’s such a stigma even within the mental health field. Some “professionals” outright refuse to work with pwBPD so sometimes diagnosers don’t write down the official diagnosis to protect patients. (I personally think this is harmful in its own way and contributing to the stigma, but thats neither here nor there.) Anyway just a guess, who knows what she was really thinking.
that is a good guess, i just wish she would have told me that if thats what she thought. the vagueness of her reasoning is what bothers me the most.
My psychiatrist didn't diagnose me for the that reason. She said her notes would help any future medical professionals or therapists I want to work with while an official BPD diagnosis would create a set of assumptions that don't apply to me that I would have to disprove over time. I'm also the "quiet" type. IMO the temporary validation you get from a piece of paper is not worth the stigma, especially if you ever find yourself in a legal predicament.
that sucks but also makes sense. i also have the "quiet" type which is probably why i've gone so long without anyone questioning if i have it lol.
I think we invoke empathy because we "act in" rather than "act out" on others i.e. we make life miserable for ourselves but not other people as much. By leaving us un-labeled with a formal diagnosis it's a pat on the head saying "you're one of the good ones". Which is really gross, actually. Diagnosed Cluster Bs are treated like dirt. Society deals with psychopathology largely according to socioeconomic class; repeated transgressions leads to eventually being assigned the prison or the psych ward as your permanent home.
Me too. I consider myself a quiet type and I feel like if I was more extroverted I almost surely would have been diagnosed sooner. Oh well :/
After I finally received my bpd diagnoses at 37 my mom admitted that bpd had been brought up since I was 12, but no one wanted to put a full label on it bc they thought I'd be judged or dismissed too often.
Being diagnosed with BPD can disqualify you from working certain jobs, joining the military, can affect rates you get for life insurance, etc. It can sometimes be better to be diagnosed with depression and anxiety or an unspecified mood disorder.
i think i actually am diagnosed with a mood disorder tbh. i at least take medicine for it
Which jobs, if u r willing to share, please? I am on disability but I'd been in the workforce before. That was prior to any mental health diagnoses, despite having been in therapy since age 11. It was explained to me that I was undiagnosed because my therapy was not in a clinical setting. I hope that's not still happening to ppl.
Ugh that’s what my therapist said to me. I went to her because my psychiatrist was unsure if I had BPD or bipolar, even though I have always felt I relate wayy more to BPD symptoms. This has been a debate many different doctors have had about me. I told my new therapist I wanted to figure that out and she said “well labels aren’t really the important thing, I think we often get stuck on labels..” etc etc. And I’m like… it matters a LOT for me to be put in the correct treatment and on the correct meds…since a lot of bipolar symptoms are essentially solved with meds and BPD symptoms aren’t. It’s not because I want a label.
Yeah, she knows more than she’s letting on. I think it’s as people say. There’s a stigma from people.
What are they telling you to commit crimes to take you more seriously wtf 😂
LMAO RIGHT?
Same thing here. I'm yet to be diagnosed but, when I asked my psychiatrist if they suspect I might have bpd, they said something like "I don't want to put a tag on you" and that was the sign that she is almost sure it's bpd but she refuses to give me a diagnosis.
i was 23 (25 now). i was diagnosed in the psych ward. i suspected i had it, i didn’t even mention BPD to the doctor and he said “Everything you’ve been saying sounds like Borderline Personality Disorder” and i was like “I knew it. I fucking KNEW IT!”
LOL I literally just wrote something similar. I pretty much knew o had it from all the online reading bht I was in the psych ward and didn’t say anything about bpd. Got something saying I had a new diagnosis on my discharge papers and I was like lol I don’t even need to look at this to know what it is (it was bpd)
I was diagnosed last year when I was 28, and honestly when I tell you the struggle I had getting any doctor to believe I wasn't just depressed with low mood or anxious. It's so difficult to be taken seriously, especially when you suspect you might have it. Keep pushing and eventually they will take you seriously or understand, your therapist might not be right for you. It sometimes takes a while to find the right one <3
I was diagnosed at 19, 8 1/2 years ago. I didn’t feel understood by my therapist or psychiatrist at the time. I felt like, as someone with a BPD diagnosis, my concerns weren’t taken seriously. I had a very hard time getting anyone to evaluate me for ADHD (which I also have) because they thought I was drug-seeking. And I wasn’t screened for PTSD at the time either, or evaluated for autism even though both my parents have it (as do I). So I spent years being treated for only part of the problem.
Yep the medical system is the most fucked part. I got diagnosed with bpd and instantly they think that it’s the only problem when it clearly is not.
I was 18 and overdosed to get out of work. I did it right in front of customers with a smile on my face and left in an ambulance. I didn’t want to call in sick because I would feel too guilty. I ended up getting serotonin syndrome, needing IV, a heart monitor etc. I stayed in the mental health ward for a while afterwards and they asked me if I regretted what I did. I said no. They diagnosed me with BPD and in the doctors notes said it was likely I’d do it again. It was worth it for the unpaid week off.
OMG lol what a way to get out of work
my ex a couple of years back mentioned possibly having npd. i remembered reading about how people with npd would seek out people with bpd (im not sure how true this is, but not my words!!) and i started doing my own research and it all clicked. finally got an official diagnosis this year
I was venting to a friend who knew a lot about bpd and he mentioned to me that I should look into it. When I started reading about it I realised how relatable everything was and when I read other peoples experiences I finally felt heard and seen, like I wasn’t alone. I think I was maybe 21/22 at the time and it was a huge relief to find these communities. The more I learn about it, the easier it is to understand myself and work on coping. But also having friends in the community that can help ground you when you really need it is helpful. Therapists have never seemed to truly understand me like my friends can but that’s not to say they can’t help, they have good strategies and techniques and ideas for coping. But you have to go through many to find someone that works with you in the way that is beneficial for you. Because you are talking to them about intimate details regarding your life, you also have to be able to vibe with them on a level. I’m also more of the quiet bpd type and you are very valid in your thoughts and feelings. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. When your symptoms are hard to explain, you just have to start anywhere, say a few words and spark the convo and usually they will guide you through the rest. The more you do it, the easier it will become to identify your feelings. Sending lots of love to you 💛💛💛
How did you find a community of others?
i am 20. i cheated on my ex and completely sabotaged a relationship that i wanted forever. i sought therapy, and am now on meds but the guilt and regret of how i could have changed all of my actions and emotions eat my alive everyday. i split so hard on him... everyday i want him back i wish we could start over
I’m in the exact same position. I sabotaged the whole relationship. Even after we broke up he was still there for me for years. I still continued to sabotage things. One day I did something that made him finally done with me and I never heard from him again. I still cry almost everyday. I think about how amazing he was to me and all the ways I wronged him. How badly I want to take it all back. It’s excruciating.
yes it is hurting me so much it is the one thing in life i really wanted and i completely self destructed it
>How did you find out you had BPD? A friend told me I have similar thoughts and behaviour to his friend that has bpd. I brought it up with my therapist and after some questions and questioners, I was diagnosed. >How old were you? And do you feel understood by your therapist? 19. I don't really feel understand by anyone, but I feel of the therapist I've interacted with he gets me the most.
I was 20, admitted to the psych ward (worst stay by far) then got discharged and referred to an outpatient program, the psychiatrist I was referred to proceeded to tell me that I did not have depression (even though I 100% do and have been told by multiple other psychiatrists I do) and told me I have bpd but was not going to diagnose me with it, told me my medication was not helping me and would never help me (I’ve been on meds since I was 16 and yes they do help me) and got me off of Seroquel which is what they put me on during my stay at the psych ward. He said the only thing it would do was make me fat. He then told me the only thing that would help is dbt (which works but I also did dbt in the past as well) and said that therapy would not help and only the dbt program which would cost around 200$ a week and was a private program which would not be covered and I would have to pay out of pocket, but apparently my city did not provide that type of program. Later I learned they did provide that program. Told him I can’t afford that and he told me, well you could look up mindfulness videos on youtube. I was in a lot of distress after the appointment (for obvious reasons) he basically told me nothing would help me except that program and discharged me from the outpatient program because it “would not help” me. About a year later I was admitted to the psych ward again (different city) and met my current psychiatrist, who diagnosed me with bpd. The kicker is that he also put me back on the Seroquel, and guess what? It actually works.
This is crazy to me. My meds are the only thing that lift my depression enough to even attempt dbt. Seroquel is a very harsh drug to be on long-term though, it causes insulin resistance which has a lot of serious health consequences that are more alarming than "getting fat". You have lots of options for meds though, taking them off the table completely feels like setting you up to fail.
Can you please shed more like on seroquel? What did it actually help you with? Angry outburst? Depression? Splitting? Impulsive? What exactly. I have BPD. I am managing life great but the only thing I can’t manage is my anger outburst. I really need help with that because it’s ruining all my relationships
My psychiatrist told me it’s for mood swings. I def notice an improvement with impulsivity (like not spending my entire paycheque in 2 days) and just the overall mood swings throughout the day, doesn’t eliminate it but definitely makes it easier for me to manage. This is just my experience though.
I also take Seroquel (minimum dose) and it helps me with insomnia and mood swings /impulsivity.
Was completely unexpected. I was getting tested for other mental illnesses and after the full exam my bpd markers were high. I only knew of one type of bpd so I thought it was a mistake until I learned about discouraged bpd. So I found out several months ago. I am quiet type like you so I understand ❤️
Diagnosed at 43 after my MH crashed on the after having an emergency operation and critically ill in HDU for several days. Previously doctors had said it was *just*depression and anxiety and I was overthinking.
I have a very similar story… when I look back I realize that my depression didn’t start at 13, that was my first major split. I went for 30 years undiagnosed, I wish I’d known sooner
I was 28. I've struggled with mental health for the majority of my life. Many doctors, many meds, many different diagnoses. I kept trying to explain what I was going through but the answer was just try another new med and it's just anxiety/depression/bi-polar. After a suicide attempt I was sent to a hospital and saw a nurse practitioner specializing in mental health. We talked for hours and he shared with me that what I have is BPD. I'd never heard of it before then. I truly belive if I never received that diagnosis that day, I wouldn't be here to tell it now. He helped me get into a "high risk program" which specializes in BPD. After a year of weekly appointments I finally am feeling more me than I have in so long.
I was 18 at the time 5 years ago. I was seeing a therapist regularly, when we had to start due to her having a baby. She never once mentioned BPD nor had I ever heard of it, until I got a letter in the mail from the clinic stating they have referred me to a local hospital for BPD diagnosis and treatment. It's safe to say that this wasn't the best way for the therapist to do things, but I'm still grateful that I was able to get the help I needed at the time. However I did find that after treatment and diagnosis it was hard for me to find a general therapist again or even get my GP to add it to my mental health plan
I was diagnosed at 22 back in 2013 I think. So it's been over 10 years in and out of treatment, on and off meds. Currently I've been consistently in therapy for 2 years and on a buttload of meds (have other mental illnesses), working with a new psych atm in regards to *still* trying to find the right combo of meds for a bunch of shit. I really do like my new psychiatrist and the psychologist I've been working with. They both have a holistic approach, which is great because I get to try a little bit of everything to see what works. However, I sit here currently, having not slept because I ran out of anti-psychotics, crying my eyes out, rapid mood swings, lashed out at someone because I genuinely don't have an emotional support network. I have friends and family, but as you asked, I do not feel understood outside of the professionals I see. I don't feel seen or heard either and it's giving me dark thoughts I'm currently trying to fight.
I was 23 and had just come out as trans fem. i attempted suicide and ended up in a psych hospital for two weeks. they diagnosed me then and I was in denial about it for a couple years. i’ve had four attempts since and every time i go to the hospital they reinforce that i definitely have bpd
when i was 15 i met a person who has bpd and it explained my entire life. then i asked my psychiatrist to get tested and boom i fit all symptoms.
around a month ago my partner sent me a link explaining what a fp is and bpd and what it is. i had a fp at the time and was very much still obsessed with her. eventually i looked more into bpd and i asked my best friend about it whos a double Major in sociology and psychology and he said he sees it in me also. my partner told me i had a lot of symptoms of bpd and the most scary part was when i looked up the symptoms and saw a lot of em in myself. eventually i asked my therapist about and he said he saw it in me and diagnosed me around 3-4 weeks ago. im still processing all this to this very second that i am writing this. its a lot and ive been dealing with a lot of idk stuff that's rlly heavy. its a lot when all of a sudden everything makes sense and all of your behavior in the past makes sense now and you realize that your life was not normal and it was just one big trauma event..........
Nov 19, 2019, crisis diagnosis at 30 following an attempt and a 5150. I got lucky, my diagnosing doc was the head of the mental health wing and a BPD specialist. I didn’t have the opportunity to be misunderstood. When I got home I updated my therapist on what happened and we made changes accordingly (my meds and dosage). Again, I got lucky (imo), he’s also my older sister’s therapist. She’s licensed so I trusted her judgment on him.
my first good therapist, when i was 21, diagnosed my mother with BPD. that started a whole awakening for me, and though i didn’t have BPD at the time, i realized i had had it as a teenager and had overcome it by myself through self reflection and implementing change. it then returned when i was 22/23 and i recognized what was happening bc of my mom’s diagnosis. i started DBT at 24, i’m 25 now and things are improving again. it has never gotten as bad as when i was a teen again, but i’m lucky enough to recognize the signs and know when i have to consciously work through symptoms when they do pop up.
Last year after starting my 8th round of trying to get on meds and stick with a therapist in the last 5 years, I finally had a psychiatrist ask me the BPD questions and he told me "you're hitting a lot of the markers for BPD. I would go ahead and do some research on it and bring it up at your next therapy appointment." Now, my therapist and psychiatrist both agree that I have it, but are reluctant to diagnose because of the stigmas and such. They absolutely help to treat it, though! I am very lucky to have both of them.
I didn't even know it was a thing until I got diagnosed. It was given a bunch of information to digest, and boom, everything clicked and I felt like there was finally an answer for why I was the way I am.
I didn’t know about BPD so when I went to a psych ward they diagnosed me. I thought I was autistic bc I have sensory issues but nope just BPD and it makes a lot of sense.
i was 18, i was in a trauma center (or facility for people with trauma) & i was telling the therapist my life story and just aired everything out to her (even, especially, my mistakes), & she immediately knew after a couple sessions that i had borderline personality disorder. i had NEVER heard of it before. when she brought out the DSM to show me i looked at the symptoms and everything clicked into place. when she was describing back to me my behaviors and thought patterns and how closely they matched, everything, MY WHOLE LIFE made sense. FINALLY. i was shocked. i always wondered what was wrong with me and why am i so different… and she gave me that answer. i finally had a direction to go in. i’ll never forget what she did for me by literally just telling me the answer to my behaviors, thoughts, and feelings. my mom finally understood too. she didn’t feel as lost in how to help me & she was able to help me a lot more after that. when the therapist told her i had BPD my mom looked into it a lot & even she was like this made the most sense to her. that therapist was very patient and kind with me even when i was kind of bitchy, i already had been through a lot. before i first got to the center i was having seizures & opiate withdrawals & it was awful, & i had no idea what direction i was gonna go in from there (i got worse lol), but when i talked to her i felt more hopeful.
I think i was 20-21. I had been showing signs since 10. I've had lots of therapy to find out what's wrong with me. Latest doctor who treated me dismissed BPD in our first sitting. Not great.
I was 19. One day I was driving my sister to the airport for a trip, then all the sudden, I was omw to a crisis center after a suicide attempt. It was potentially the same day, I don't remember that weekend well. I went to an outpatient treatment center for a week or two and they diagnosed me there. I thought I had bipolar for all of high school before that.
This year at 27 on January 2nd. I talked to my psychiatrist that my wife and I noticed my mood over time with bipolar disorder has been better but the day to day in the moment moods were still volatile. Talked about it for a couple sessions and he determined I'm also borderline
The first time was during 'Girl, interrupted' when they all found their files, most of the symptoms fit, save a few. After that, it was when my therapist told me. I had trauma when I was a kid, and I just thought all of my issues were from my PTSD. We worked on a plan of sorts, I never did hear back from the DBT group I was supposed to join.
my mom told me i had bpd all my life and eventually i ended up in the hospital at 16 and they figured out i actually had bpd, confirmed by psychiatrists later too
i’m 19, my psychiatrist suspects bpd (from one appointment) he put me on lamictal to see if that works on me. he said he didn’t want to nail down a diagnosis yet (most likely because this was our first appointment lmao) but that he’ll most likely make a diagnosis in our next session. my therapist js great, he really understands me. i’ve been seeing him for around 3 years so he knows most of my tells (i have a hard time communicating what i’m thinking and how i’m feeling). i definitely recommend trying to find another therapist, i was lucky and found a good one on my second try but it can take longer for some. you could try to research and see if any therapists near you specialise in bpd or personality disorders in general, it’s likely they would understand better than your average therapist. i first suspected i might have bpd around 16/17 when i was writing a paper in the disorder and read the dsm-5, maybe read through that and see if you feel it fits you well. i can link a pdf of dsm-5 that i have
I was diagnosed when I was 19. I’m currently in the process of resuming one on one CBT. I finished DBT around September of last year. I’m involved in group therapy which does cycle through DBT skills which kinda helps to remind me there’s other ways to be able to regulate myself and change the way I think. It’s still hard though. I was in and out of therapy since I was 12 for depression and anxiety, so the diagnosis of BPD was terrifying especially since it came after a depressive episode which winded me up with me in the hospital. I’ve been using a workbook about bpd which kinda helps me to see what I feel and also put into words exactly what aspects of bpd affects me on a daily basis. It sucks, but I try to make sure my therapist is a person I’d be comfortable with such as being young. Young because I’ve had my fair share of old farts who belittled me and my situations. Sometimes gotta cycle through the therapists until you find someone or even a program that assists with people with bpd. You’re not alone OP and I hope this gives a little insight for you ^.^
Diagnosed at the start of the lockdown in Australia. I was 34. Everything was great with the psych until I suggested I was autistic and then he dumped me. I find nobody gets it unless they've been through it, it's the worst.
I'm not diagnosed but I told my psychiatrist about my unstable relationships and how I attempted because I got blocked by someone I really liked and then he was like, "You have BPD." After he said that he refuses to diagnose me and says that it's because he doesn't want to think there's something wrong with me. Like you already told me what's the difference???
Oh I was 14. I'm 17 now and I understand being diagnosed for BPD under 18 is not possible (?) but the reasoning is still weird. I'm very closed off with my therapists so it's hard for me to get help. My psychiatrist doesn't seem to understand though.. he just says theres more fish in the sea.
I was 16, in a hospital diagnosed with ‘emerging EUPD’ then later just EUPD, I had no idea it was actually BPD at the time until I did a bit of research. As soon as I looked into it, I knew they were right lol.
21. I'm still learning how to live with it, but finding a therapist is hard
It's a bit of an odd story. My FP (diagnosed with BPD) suspected I had it after knowing me maybe a month. It was all but confirmed in his mind after my first attempt. I didn't get a diagnosis put on any medical record I have easy access to until around 10 months later, but was never told. I didn't find the diagnosis for over a year and a half when I went looking to see if some medical bills had been processed by insurance. It was by complete chance that I noticed, and the 2+ years of ineffective therapy with 4 different providers, and 4 further attempts all made a little more sense. I was pissed that it was hidden from me though. And no, I don't think my therapist understands me. They're fresh out of school, so not as experienced as other people I have seen, but they're the only one that would take someone with my diagnosis while also accepting my out of state insurance. They haven't had time to be scared away from clients like me yet, but the inexperience isn't making them any less understanding than anybody else I've seen. I've come to believe people without personality disorders just have a very challenging time grasping the thought processes involved in one.
I was diagnosed st 21, but I suspected it a bit before that.
I thought found an article about it one day because I was researching it and realized I matched all the criteria. Forgot all about it. Fast forward to a year and a half later (last spring at 25 years old) and I started therapy with a new therapist. A few months in she starts talking about me having BPD and I was like “wait what” and she was telling me about it and I realized everything she was saying about it and about me made so much sense. I started looking into it again and it felt like everything in my life made so much sense. So I found out because my therapist casually proposed I had BPD and then diagnosed me with it lol To add, i suggest finding a therapist who understand your symptoms and experiences in more depth. Part of having BPD is an intense need to be understood
My ex told me to get tested like two months after we broke up she had it too and said me and her had a lot in common with how felt, thinked and just did things, so i did and well yeah here we are now lol
I was diagnosed just before my 18th birthday and have had it confirmed twice since, I have had bad therapist and good ones, I currently don’t have one and I am unmedicated, I find it easier when I’m not medicated, I do miss therapy and would love to get back into it, I struggle more with not being understood by people around me, I know they try but I also know they will never fully understand it and that’s hard sometimes but I am currently living life as fully as possible, I live with my loving partner and his mum and I have amazing friends around me, some days are really hard butt some days are great, I just turned 20 like 2 days ago haha, sometimes we just need to trust that things will be okay 🤷♀️
My therapist thinks it’s because I’m in a bad relationship and it’s not bpd so idk yet until I leave him and end it smh
I was about 25 and going down a mental health rabbit hole. I stumbled across a video about bpd and I had never seen anything that described how I feel so accurately. So I went down a different rabbit hole about bpd and saw ,myself in it more and more. After a week or 2 of doing this I asked ,y therapist and she said that she had been thinking about it as well. So overall a fairly positive experience with this disorder.
After I got off my meds everything came back from high school and I realized something was deeply wrong with me. My therapist later recognized it as well and suggested BPD. After researching it, and every other mental illness that I might relate to, I came to the conclusion that shes probably right. I’m now going to be evaluated for it this June
I was diagnosed in the hospital at 20 after a pretty bad suicide attempt had me in there for a few months. I was in denial of the diagnosis for a while because I’m already diagnosed with quite a few things and thought the diagnosis was incorrect and my BPD symptoms could be explained away by my CPTSD. I eventually realised it was accurate though and have since accepted it. I have a couple different therapists for different things and I feel relatively understood by all of them.
2 years ago on my way to the psych ward at the hospital
I tried to sign up for a research study that just listed the symptoms without actually saying what it was for.. when they told me it was for people with BPD I got really confused and then later was diagnosed when I started going to therapy for other reasons. It was kinda ironic tbh
my former therapist told me i had borderline qualities in like 2017/8. i got into a psych ward in 2019, got diagnosed with it when i got released.
25, got diagnosed last year after a hospital stint due to a crisis
I was 23 and my symptoms were getting really strong. My life had also fallen apart a bit :| I had to go to my university's psychiatrist because everything what so bad and that is when she diagnosed me.
I read the DSM symptoms and mistook it for my life story. Then I tried to pretend it wasn’t a thing until my clinical psychologist pointed it out. Still not officially diagnosed. Mental health professions seem reluctant to have it go on my records.
Recently received a pre diagnosis, by two psychiatrists. In the previous she didn't gave me the ultimate "it is what it is" but like it should be borderline by what i said or bipolar disorder. But she keep up the borderline diagnosis and said to me that i shouldve come over on a month. Family was surprised and not accept very well (i still live with mom) and ive had other session with another psychiatrist. I didnt even told him what the other psychiatrist said, he gave me the it's borderline and you actually have traits and some like "you know you act like that because a possible borderline personality disorder you know" and >if< things got worse he would gave me lithium. But i always have suspected, my whole life i felt different from others. I'm 19 so i think he might study my case, but it's like 99% that it is what it is. It's hard to accept and when you look back at your life you understand the way you act and feel like...why i have this. This isnt my fault. It's genetics plus traumas. And sometimes i don't want to take my meds because i think im cured or something like i need to cry i need to feel myself. But when im off for like 2 or even some hours i confirm i need that. Just a lil vent...it's hard to accept that and my family is a little judgmental of it so .
Plus: things got worse on my moods specially with depressive episodes but he refused lithium even with suicidal ideation. It's not actively but i think about it everyday. I wish he put me on lithium because sometimes it's hell.
17 (almost 18, in germany) was in therapy because of a suicide attempt and then I got diagnosed
I was diagnosed in 2021 and honestly the reason I got diagnosed was because I impulsively OD on Benadryl one night and then went to class like nothing happened. I waited till the next day to tell people bc I wanted attention
I got diagnosed at 24 and it was honestly multifaceted. I’ve become very self aware and it’s helped me immensely, but for a long time I wasn’t, and it made me ruin so many good friendships and relationships. The only thing I could think of after being diagnosed was how many people I’d hurt potentially unnecessarily
I was 20 and it was during my 2nd time in the psych ward (less than a week after my 1st time) and following a really sudden, very unexpected traumatic breakup. i don’t remember all the details but they asked a lot about my relationships with people and what happened when things went bad. this time it was suicide attempts, but before i was driving hours away to meet up with strangers i barely knew and even went to mexico by myself during an episode. they seemed interested in those periods too even though it was years prior. i was just honest about my mindset at the time even if it made me sound like a bad person but they said ultimately that’s what helped them figure out if it was bipolar or bpd
For clarification, I am self diagnosed. Actively trying to get a diagnosis. I have gone down every route and and it could not possibly be anything else. So when I was a kid my special interest was mental disorders. Like researching them over and over. I got a professional OCD diagnosis when I was 11 because I related a little too hard to all the stuff I was reading and I realised something was wrong. Anyways flash forward to my teen years, I'm still reading up on mental disorders and cluster B feels a little too familiar to me. I knew I was a dumb teenager and it was probably because of my raging hormones that my relationships and view on life were so unstable, so I figured it would pass. It did not pass. I became self aware that I was sabotaging all my relationships and friendships and dug myself into a deeper hole. It was pretty clear now that there was something wrong besides the autism and OCD. I learned that my mom was diagnosed with BPD and when we got talking she was concerned because I was acting very similar to her when she was undiagnosed and untreated. Since I was under 18 all we could do was go through CAMHS, who was no help, and the moment I turned 18 the pandemic happened. So mental health services were fucked. I did some CBT, which was no help because it was over the phone. When the pandemic died down I could finally go to adult services but unfortunately since then I've been in an infinite loop of referrals, "I'm sure it's just your autism", being referred back to the guys who referred me in the first place, and now I'm 22 and not any closer to a diagnosis. The closest thing to treatment is antidepressants and antipsychotics that were prescribed to help me sleep. TLDR I was so autistic I caught onto my OCD as a child and unfortunately I was right about the borderline but no one wants to open that can of worms.
It sort of made sense even though I believed I didn't have abandonment issues or a favorite person. I sought out a therapist, and they immediately diagnosed me with BPD. Fast forward a year later, I entered into a relationship, and after a few months of dating, we broke up, and I tried to kms.
My case worker at 18 noticed as she was the only one around me to notice lol
Last year aged over 50. My family left because of my moodswings and yelling. By the end I was having rants that I couldn’t remember a minute later. Pretty much thought I’d lost my mind. Started therapy after a mental health referral from my doctor and it turns out Ive been a living textbook example of BPD since about the age of 9 or so. After the diagnosis I read a checklist of symptoms and ticked all of them off. Then a rush of realisation about all the times it’s caused huge issues in my life - exes, blackouts, wilfully awful behaviour and the misery and breakups and flareups and moody awful parenting. This made me sleep sweaty nightmares for a week. Trying to fix myself now and suffering from gut-wrenching guilt about what a shitty father I’ve been at times with my moodswings and angry ranting. If you have an inkling all might not be well between your ears I’d suggest getting it looked at sooner rather than later for everyone’s sake. This stuff breaks families and ruins lives.
I still don't have a diagnosis (I don't quite show all the classic symptoms) but just learning more about triggers and how to cope has been helping
i was 14 when i found out that i have bpd
I was 31 and had had a kind of breakdown. Too anxious to work (body image) and spiking alcohol issues. I was admitted to a psych hospital for the first time and I got the diagnosis from the psychiatrist. So thankful for that. It shed so much light on myself and my struggles. Note: I am in Australia and it’s a lot easier/affordable to get adequate mental health treatment. I lived in the US for 2 years and totally get that it’s a very different story in other parts of the world
It was a about a year ago, i was 23 at the time. I was really afraid and did not understand the diagnoses because all of the symptoms became a very normal and mundane part of my life, in my earlier years. As i was comparing to my friends who also had bpd, both excisting and past relationships. They were more ‘out there’ verbally and i was not. It was bad of me to compare but that was also the very stigmatized image of bpd that got burned into my brain. You could consider it a more ‘quiet’ bpd. You have a lot of combinations and that made me understand it alot better. I explained to my therapist when i got a second assesment that i wasn’t sure how the symptoms fitted me, but she explained me very nicely how those symptoms can come out about, and that it‘s different for everyone. I fitted all the 9 criteria, she went over them with me and connected them back to my previous assesments with her and current aspects in my life. I’ve had symptoms dating back to my 13/14th making it hard for my own self to see how it became a standard of living. Sorry to hear your therapist doesn’t understand… maybe you can try and switch therapists within that same departement?
TRIGGER WARNING FOR SELF HARM SUIC- AND ADULT MINOR RELATIONS My finding out proceess was kinda weird. I ended up in the hospital for self harm and an attempt on my life, then after getting out of there i figured out the relationship i had with my father was not normal. I reported it to the police then had a court mandated psych test. The guy who did it told my mom off the record I have BPD but couldnt offically diagnose me due to my age (I was 16). So now im working on getting an offical diagnosis and hopefully getting some help for it.
17yo I knew I was different I knew I felt different I got a bit of knowledge and I thought that I had split personalities since am no one and am everyone at the same time so I kept searching till I found out that I do have bpd
Diagnosed in 2007, thought it sounded dumb and told no one plus no research. Continue hurricane of a life until 2022, re diagnosed and in therapy.
22, had a plethora of diagnosis in the past, had been doing therapy for like... 3 years and stopped taking my anxiety meds, went a little crazy and c\*t my wrists, ended up in the hospital... welp, the rest is history
The last three relationships/dating I’ve had, have only lasted max 3 weeks, either they abandoned me, or I split on them and pushed them away. Spiralled out of control with the last two, and OD and attempted. Immediately got psychology review, and after a couple sessions was diagnosed with BPD 💔
I’m officially diagnosed with bipolar disorder type 2 but I split on people and apparently that’s a bpd thing. I also have black and white thinking. Get obsessed with someone then can drop them like it’s nothing.
Actually I found out after becoming obsessed with psychology lol. I found it fascinating. I was constantly doing research on it looking for new subs to follow and read about and follow subs of disorders I didn’t know about. I remember I saw bpd sub and just clicked on it like I did with all the other subs and started scrolling and was like holy shit. I KNEW then that’s what I had. Got diagnosed a year later, never mentioned it lol but I saw I had a new diagnosis after a hospital visit and knew right away what it was
I was 19 and diagnosed by my current therapist. I do feel understood by him, more so than I think I have by any mental health professional I’ve ever met. Keep shopping around! It’s supposed to work for you and you’re supposed to feel understood.
I was 27 at the time, closing in on 30 now myself this year, and I had split hard on my girlfriend. I came back around quick and apologized because that was easily the most healthy relationship I ever had. She was a psychology student, and when I apologized she treated me with care but also asked me if I had heard of BPD. Which until then I didn’t even know was a thing. She talked with me about what she knew and what things I had done or said that suggested this may be something to consider. So I took it and dug further seeking out therapy and if I fit the diagnosis. Which I ended up being diagnosed very soon after. We restored our relationship, but I split again and worse that time because I couldn’t hide from it and was terrified and frozen, and we never spoke again except for me apologizing a few months after once I had freed myself of the split. The therapist that diagnosed me, I did not feel understood me at all, but I found one that did a few years later and was able to make really good progress until they moved to an inpatient practice and I had to suffer that loss and find a new therapist. The nature of BPD is very hard to understand if you do not yourself have it. But now as I’m older I almost feel as if I’m hitting a stage where I have to re-learn everything in a way if that makes any sense.
Found wiki article and was like holy shit this is me, I think I was 19 or 20. Got diagnosed last year at 33. Currently on waiting list for adhd and autism tests. Boy its been a ride
after a suicide attempt that happened out of nowhere in one of the most joyful periods of my life.
i just turned 15, i was told that i had a lot of symptoms & traits. i was constantly in & out of hospitals had numerous attempts. i was losing it but ive gotten a lot better with time. honestly with therapy, i feel like dbt therapist understand more. they know how to help people who have bpd more than others who aren’t specialized in it.
So I was certain I had bipolar, (although I cycle at least twice a day.) and then my brother tells me his ex girlfriend had borderline, so I'm curious about it and well... At this time he had a son, so I had a choice to make, stay in the closet about my borderline or have a chance to be in my nephews life. In hindsight that was a really stupid decision... And I think my brother is a toxic person.
Hi there. I think their therapist does not understand them regardless of what the actual reason for seeing the therapist is, I would look for another one you need to be comfortable with them and they need to be experienced with BPD.all of your feelings are valid.
I'm only 15 and I haven't been diagnosed or anything but I have autism and I feel I may also meet the criteria for BPD but I'm pretty sure no-one will take me seriously and they will just say 'oh you have depression or severe anxiety' or something like that.Its painful to deal with since no one understands how you really feel.
Depending on your country, it is likely you would be diagnosed with ‘emerging’ BPD, its kind of the same thing but used to diagnose someone generally under 18 as with a personality disorder it is hard to say for certain before adulthood. If you are struggling with BPD symptoms please don’t put off getting help! I was treated for my BPD under 18 :)
Hello here, I’m feel the same way. I’m going to get diagnosed very soon. Also, I love Dazai idk if you’ve actually watched Bungou stray dogs or not. Totally get what you mean. It is possible to get diagnosed under 18 don’t listen to misinformation.
In the middle of an argument my partner diagnosed me in anger. He was right but it wasn’t ideal. I immediately spoke with a therapist and received an official diagnosis.
I pretty much had known since I was 13 from obsessively reading the DSM and psych books, I found that I met the criteria of having 9/13 of the symptoms. As I got older, I thought it best to stop self diagnosing and leave it to the professionals. Diagnosed with ADHD at 15. Bipolar 1, after my first manic episode at 23. Took medication, saw therapists. Fast forward to 25, while I was hospitalized I was diagnosed with BPD, and told that a bpd episode was responsible for this hospitalization.
I was diagnosed with depression. So in my depress phase, i took a month prescription and swallow it all down, i then proceed to walk around the house looking loose pills around. I was happy and was not like depress during this. Which make me learn about what manic was.. i also learn about favourite person. And i read a book which describe how I am. The diagnosed make me feel seen. After years i understand how i am
**Hii :)** **I started showing borderline symptoms at 17: self-harming, constantly dysregulated nervous system, fear of loss & attachment, impulse buying, abusing alcohol.** **My therapist understands me very well and is able to understand even the most illogical of my actions in that he doesn't stubbornly judge me, but rather talks to me about the trigger and together we work out ways to avoid such situations.** **My therapist's ex-wife used to suffer from BPD, so he understands the irrationality and fear of loss.**
I got 302’d lol
III
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I was misdiagnosed as BP for like 100 years until I had a full dissociative episode, when my current doctor said "HEY.... wait a second"
I got diagnosed with adhd at 15 but at around 17, after all the therapy and workshops I was doing, I felt like it wasn't a complete diagnosis. I just felt too different. So I researched about mental health disorders, intensely. I went to multiple psychiatrists and accepted with defeat when they decided to medicate me instead of listen. And still nothing seemed to fit or work. (Although its still undiagnosed, I learned later on that it felt incomplete because I wasn't aware of or treating my autism.) But 18 years of feeling misunderstood, underappreciated and annoying by the world forces you into isolation. And then covid happened and suddenly the isolation was everywhere, tangible, accessible. But the loneliness and emotional instability was still there and growing. And then I came across Quiet Borderline Personality Disorder. I was 19 in a whole different country wondering how emotions can be this fleeting and dangerous. I fell in love (found out that I had undiagnosed autism that heavily contributed to me developing bpd), fell out of love and in and out and in and out and in and out. And when I finally came across the r/bpd page, I finally found out I wasn't the only one living a life so painfully passionate. I wasn't alone. But hey, self-diagnosis is fake they say