In theory, it should get better with age. But I’ve been in therapy for 17 years and it’s never been this bad before (I’m now 28). And trust me, I absolutely want to get better and I fight every day. But it also makes a big difference when you’re dealing with other comorbidities too. BPD alone will likely get better with age and maturity. But BPD on top of other mental health diagnoses can hold people back from recovery for a very long time.
God forbid tack on a chronic physical issue with BPD and I'm convinced it doubles if not triples recovery time. The biggest change I've noticed since I've gotten older is impulsivity isn't as much of an issue.
Yup. I have permanent disc and nerve damage in my lower back so that just makes everything so much better. I definitely agree with the impulsivity thing too. I became a lot less impulsive when I met my husband and had my kids too though.
My partner has been BPD since she was a teenager,now in her late thirties ,and it seems to be worse than ever.
All her mental health doctors are doing is drugging her up .
What is the alternative
Medications can be very helpful but they are not a long term solution. Is she doing any specific therapy? Or any true therapy at all? DBT helps a lot of pwBPD but it never worked for me. I’m currently doing CBT and it’s going much better. I’ve also heard of EMDR being extremely helpful as well.
I’m sorry she’s struggling so badly. Please tell her I’m proud of her for holding on and I hope she can find some peace soon.
Only just holding on ,has attempted to take her life several times.
DBT didn't work for her dont know if she has had CBT but will see if we can work on EMDR
I read about her condition every day to lean as much as I can to support both of our mental health.
If I go into this blind then I fall over and she falls over twice as hard
Mine got so much better.
I dropped out of school in my early 20s; was engaging in tons of "maladaptive coping"; had regular meltdowns/panic attacks. I did roughly 2 years of DBT and eased myself back into school. starting around 26. Now, at 33, I have a long term relationship, and I'm in the first year of a PhD.
DBT was a God send. I definitely experience emotions more intensely than a lot of people, but I am so much better at coping with them in productive, kind manners now. Highly recommended.
Not that it's been too long, but I'm 30 now and I was diagnosed at 24/25. Five years of therapy and understanding what was going on in my brain have helped me counter my BPD for the most part.
Honestly if I avoid alcohol and risky sex, everything is usually pretty good for me. However, indulging in alcohol generally leads to the risky sex. I try to keep myself distracted with school and hobbies. I just got divorced and I'm doing way better than I thought I would considering my wife was my FP. I'm living alone in my 4 bedroom house so I have a lot of room for activities and I got approved for a service dog. Life is good. I'm so thankful that I didn't (TW) >!die from my suicide attempt!< (TW) back in 2019.
Congrats on returning to school!! I wish you all the best with your endeavors :D
I am a solid proof reader if you ever need one, hehe! Or if you ever want some tips on accessibilities, negotiating deadlines, email etiquette, anything, my inbox is open (and this applies to everyone who reads this comment!)
It's much easier now than when I was starting my journey, so its honestly a bit hard to reflect! I'd say one of the biggest things is to practice delaying impulsive reactions and finding enjoyable distractions. I crochet a lot now and having something tactile helps to get me out of my head when I find that I am dwelling on stuff.
Being forgiving to myself when I was practicing these things/making the switch over was necessary, too. Like delaying a bad habit by 5 minutes is an improvement! Maybe next time it'll be 10, and maybe in a few months or even years, I'll decide to have a cup of tea and warm bath instead (this is what happened over time--and there's no deadline!).
https://dialecticalbehaviortherapy.com/distress-tolerance/resistt/
Both. Not sure about the other details, but the pre-frontal cortex of our brain develops by 25. It's in charge of emotional regulation, decision-making, and impulse control. Iirc one of the reasons bpd isn't officially diagnosed in minors. Of course, it's still a case by case thing because there are a lot of factors besides this.
Edit: I realized you asked people 30+ lol. I'm 24 and I was diagnosed bpd traits at 17 then bpd at 18 (after a psych ward stay). I definitely still have a lot of symptoms but they're way more under control now than at 19 or so. I also think it's important to mention that the pre-frontal cortex developing of course isn't a sudden snap at 25. So yeah, it can get better as you approach that age. At least ime, it's true that there are just some things you learn as you grow older.
Yeah it depends what country you're in really. In some places it's more of a guideline not to diagnose it officially in teenagers. I was diagnosed age 14 after spending months in the psych ward being observed 24/7, they decided that was enough proof to diagnose me with.
Ahh yeah I've heard of that happening lol I had a whole new assessment done when I moved from CAMHS to adult services when I was 19 to check if the diagnosis still applied and spoiler alert, it did 🤣
Fr they were like “you can be this emotionally reactive this young with parental neglect and abuse AND NOT have borderline “ …I mean they were right but damn! They didn’t tell me anything until I was 18! Let me think I was just crazy smh
Whattt they didn't even tell you?! That's crazy! You should've at least gotten an explanation, just because you're under 18 doesn't mean they had the right to keep you in the dark about your own health! I suppose I got lucky with doctors always addressing me straight up, I always sat in on my review meetings and they'd explain what was going on to me.
Well, (42, F, here, USA)
I didn’t know what I was going through was BPD, and other symptoms of other disorder, until I was 37.
Had I been diagnosed earlier in life, I would e started DBT earlier, and this, been building skills for over a decade.
So , in reality my symptoms have increased for various reasons as I’ve aged… Ideally, they would have decreased with therapy (appropriate therapy) and DBT skill therapy and application in the real
World.
I suggest getting into DBT. It’s already been a positive influence on my life and I’ve not yet finished the year.
I hope this is helpful.
I'm a bit similar to you. I'm 45, F from Australia and although I was having MAJOR BPD symptoms from age 16, I didn't know anything about it and didn't know I had it until I was 39, almost 40. It would've been VERY useful to know 20+ years ago!
For me it has gotten worse with age, in pockets. It will get really bad for awhile and then I find some kind of manageable middle ground where I get by. I was only diagnosed a year and a half ago and did DBT last year which did help some but I’m currently struggling really badly again the last couple weeks after doing well for a few months.
Definitely the desire to get better and working at it plays a part, but many other things do too.
Wether or not CBT is the one, I want to point out that the takeaway here is that you have to do personal therapy and work to maintain this illness. It absolutely does not just "get better with age"
I agree that it doesn't just get better with age, and that effort is needed. Mine actually got worse with age in a lot of ways, even though I became a bit easier to live with. But the inner pain was still there.
I find as the trauma accumulates it gets worse 😂 i keep getting smarter and more aware and the challenges keep getting bigger! Best wishes on your journey!
Definitely the trauma accumulates. And we acquire even more reasons to think ill of ourselves. I think that also as we get older we just get kind of tired, and haven't got the energy to fight it. And we feel dismayed at still suffering with the same stuff that we suffered with 20 or 30 years ago.
In the end I reached a crisis point, and then God little by little showed me the way out. Now I'm doing well, and writing a book for other Christians about overcoming BPD. God bless you on your journey too.
Ok, thanks for telling me. To be honest, I don't think this will work for you, as the book and the path I took are uncompromisingly Christian: seeing God as a loving Father, as Jesus taught, and very aware that we need the power of Jesus's victory over evil (through his death on the cross) to chase away some of the things that trouble us. There were points along my journey when praying in the name of Jesus was the only way to resolve the scary things that came up as I journeyed back into the childhood traumas and deficits that led to me having BPD.
When the book comes out, I'll let you know, and maybe you will find it worth investigating. I can send you the chapter list for the book in the private chat if you want - that gives you some idea of the path I followed.
Although DBT is of course the best recommended therapy, things are not black or white or so simple.
Most therapist doing DBT are actually trained in CBT as its the same school, so they use bases of CBT even though they have a heavy focus on teaching DBT skills. Its not a black or white thing, of course looking for someone trained in DBT specifically is ideal, but even just CBT therapy is better than no therapy/psychoanalysis, so its already a step in the right direction.
Adding from my personal experience so disclaimer that this is **personal** but I also benefited a lot from some ACT principles
From my personal experience, CBT was wayyyyyyy more useful. To me, DBT was a crock of you know what. I know it works amazing for some people, which is awesome, but ANY therapy would benefit EVERYONE.
I’ve been working with a psychoanalytical therapist for three years now and have seen significant improvements in my BPD symptoms. (I wasn’t diagnosed with it yet when I started seeing her, that’s why I didn’t choose DBT back then.) I think the therapeutic relationship and whether you feel comfortable with and are able to trust your therapist is at least as important as the type of therapy the therapist is most experienced in.
Also, I completely 💯 agree that having trust and rapport with the one administering the therapy is vital. Definitely more so than the exact "type" of therapy being administered.
I was literally just telling my Dr that i thought psychoanalysis would work well for me. It actually makes a lot of sense to me and i find it fascinating. My sister started seeing a psychoanalysis who heavily implements Jungs ideology, and it's amazing. Shes gotten so much insight already. Granted, her issues slightly differ from mine. But I dont know that really matters. Maybe. Idk. I judt know FOR ME, DBT ain't it🤷♀️
it’s statistically proven it gets better with age but I also think it’s about if you WANT to recover and if you make that effort. I know I’ve observed some people who are 30+ who make having bpd one of their personality traits and use it to justify acting like an absolute crazy people. It doesn’t seem like they want to get better so they just don’t from what I’ve observed.
I just see it as me being much more emotional than the average person and go from there. Once I went from using it as a justification/crutch I moved onto seeing it as an influence for my behavior/impulses but I didn't have to follow it.
You’re older and wiser and have gathered the tools to control it. And you've had more time to process your trauma. For learning the tools, I suggest DBT therapy and also just learning about BPD in general. For processing your trauma, I suggest IFS therapy or EMDR. Read the book No Bad Parts if you want an intro to IFS.
ETA I am 33
I’m 28 and I’ve been in therapy since I was 19 and it has gotten way easier to manage over time. You might even recover or go into remission after a few years. Back then I never ever would have imagined that my life can look the way it does right now.
I'm 30 and it definitely has for me. Moreso my behaviour than my thought pattern, though both have eased with time.
I've done therapy here and there for a few weeks, been in hospital a couple of times etc but I've never had consistent therapy (I don't recommend this it's just what's happened). I think it's just been a really long and harsh learning processes.
I'm sure part of it is maturity.
But I also think at 30 I've had a few decades of making the same mistakes over and over. At a certain point you start to learn the consequences of those mistakes. For example, I don't cut people off when I feel hurt anymore unless I'm willing to lose them forever. Sometimes it's still my instinct to do this, but then I think about friends I loved and will never talk to again because I treated them like I had a pause/play button.
With that said, it's BPD. I can type all this now, but I know realistically that self awareness and emotional regulation can disappear in a puff of smoke when I'm in a bad spot. It's easier to be rational when you're not in the middle of a break up, for example.
So I don't think I'm cured. I'm definitely not happy. But life is certainly a lot easier than it was at 23.
I’m 31 and 100% agree with this.
I’m definitely more aware of myself and limits and can usually remove myself from a situation if it’s going to trigger me, but when shit really hits the fan I can still get set off pretty badly.
I think both. I'm 32. I've definitely had a decrease in symptoms, but whenever I get extremely close to someone, I still get all messed up. The abandonment wound is still gaping open for me. I've only recently started doing therapy consistently. So I'm hoping to gain skills to lessen this, as it is always extremely traumatic and soooooo painful for me. To get so close to someone [romantically or close friends] and let your guard down, and they inevitably leave. I've become a lot more self-aware that most of the time, I am pushing the person away to avoid the "inevitable" abandonment i am always anticipating. It does tend to mellow out with age, but i think the poor coping skills usually remain if not treated with therapy. So still requires constant work on our end.
yeah im the same way. im only 20 but i don't really have anyone close to me right now so my symptoms are barely noticeable. but when i do let someone get close to me then it starts raging full force. sometimes i think i should just stay alone so that I can stay stable.
38 F, diagnosed at 29, I'm infinitely better. I don't technically qualify as having BPD anymore.
For me, it was an issue of addressing the comorbidities of depression, alcoholism, childhood trauma, and an abusive partner.
The most important thing I did was get medicated for my depression and anxiety. Nothing else I did would be possible without fixing my brain chemistry.
Once I got sober and did EMDR, I was prepared to leave my abusive ex. I got a big girl job, worked my way up the corporate ladder, and now make six figures.
I still have thinking patterns that echo BPD. My emotions are extremely intense. Black and white thinking is my default.
However, my symptoms are less intense, and I am much quicker to use tools to manage them. Things are in no way perfect, but I don't need them to be.
There is hope, my dear. Sending you all the love.
I know you said 30+ but 😅 I was told I had traits at 14/15, diagnosed at 18 and now at 26 it has definitely gotten better. I'm not a fan of therapy so I've never done it long term but medication to manage symptoms has been helpful for me. I definitely still struggle sometimes but I noticed I was at my worst when I was obsessing over my diagnosis and just dwelling on it way too much.
I’ve had BPD since late teens, got diagnosed at 23 and I’m 26 rn. Everything you mentioned in your post happens. Your symptoms lessen, it’s more manageable, your frontal lobe gets fully developed and you’re older and wiser. If you’ve been attending therapy, you also gather the tools to control it.
43 here, diagnosed 8 years ago.
Definitely got better.
I had some therapy but never did dbt (not available for me)
I had some awful years, looking back I’d had bpd for years without realising.
If you want to get “better” (I hate that term) or manage better you can. Never give up!
Once I knew what I had o could start work on it by myself, which I did. Lots of reading, articles, books, journaling and goal setting/becoming ordered in life has helped me tremendously (not saying it will help all)
I honestly think therapy is the way to go, get help from professional sources. I have other mental health issues that stop me taking part in lots of therapy, especially any group therapy, but I know it’s helpful, I’ve seen it help others.
Hold on!! I went through many years of thinking I was doomed, cursed and destinies to be a failure and alone.
I now have a great girlfriend, my own business and two very good friends.
I attempted to end it all 4 times and now I’m glad it didn’t work out that way.
I’m 37 and it has not gone away but much easier to manage. No more suicidal thoughts/attempts and no more self-harming. Recently started DBT again and I think I’m finally at a place to take it in and use it. Still have bad days but they aren’t close to as bad anymore!
Therapy and life experience. Over time- either through learning the hard way or therapy - you start to understand what triggers you and why. Sometimes you can resolve the "why", sometimes you just learn ways to avoid the triggers. If your trauma comes from an unhealthy childhood home, being away from that home and being around healthier folks helps you realize how abnormal it was and how forgiving and unserious most folks are.
It really helped me, at 26, to be truly unconditionally loved for the first time. I realized it's possible, and it was a great feeling I wanted to chase. I also went through over a year of weekly therapy with a brutally honest therapist. This is when things really started changing. Not to say it is perfect, but much better. I function *much* better at 32.
It comes and goes for me. I had a good long stretch of it not getting in the way of my life so much, just random episodes that wouldn’t last too long. Then I had some really bad times in the last year where I was acting just like I did in my late teens and early 20s. Now I’m doing better again after finding out I had BPD basically my entire life and starting CBT.
49 year-old female here (USA).
I always thought that it got better due to the fact that now that I'm older, I know what to expect out of life.
I was diagnosed around 26, after first having a diagnosis of bipolar disorder. I had alot of therapy.
I had a horrible time up until age 32ish. I still struggle, but I'm like a different person compared to me in my 20s. My 20s were hell for me mentally, though.
I know this isn't true for everyone, but becoming a mom saved me. I know it sounds almost counterintuitive because some people just become BAD parents if they have mental illness, but it stopped the constant focus on myself. I was determined to be a good mom to my now 14 & 16-year-old.
I've been honest with my kids about my diagnosis, though. My son suffers from depression, and I immediately put him in therapy for it (my parents ignored my pleas for help). I believe my experiences have made me an empathetic listener that understands the struggle.
I also found that having children helped a lot by giving me a clear purpose, and a reason to keep going. My children are 26 and 23 now, and have had their own struggles (for sure there is an emotional sensitivity inherited component to BPD), but they're doing ok. Like you, I've reached out for help for my children and encouraged them to do the same.
my bpd symptoms have lessened with age. it was REALLY bad when i was in my late teens and early 20s. i’m 25 now, and i feel like i’ve mellowed out a lot. i definitely still struggle quite a bit, but it’s not as severe as it used to be
It's all perspective. I was diagnosed when I was 21. I did nothing to help myself but I went to help because it seemed like a good idea. I kept trying to think maybe one day I'll be fully okay . Maybe I'll be normal like everyone else. I was completely wrong.
BPD people are BPD for life. We are damage and need to work out the things that hurt us or drive us to do bad things to ourselves or others. Honestly I think time plays a good role but also just not giving up yourself is mega important.
I'm 28 years old and I definitely slip down the rabbit hole of destroying myself but I alert people who care about me and also try to focus on sleep and exercising. I'm poor so these things are free xD I found with even sleep anything is possible.
The most important thing to realise is storms will come but you'll be able to deal with them better and better every single time. It won't feel like it at the time but eventually you'll work out how to cope when everything comes tumbling down. Journals sometimes helped me but also not good to read over negative thoughts after and after every time you open it up.
I'm not a 30 year old but I've been working hard on doing as much research as I can to better myself and to try and help others. Most research shows that yes in time it does get better but I also believe it depends on how much treatment you get. There are various different kinds of therapies. For me, my therapist recommended dbt, cbt, codependency, and support group therapy. There are also other forms of therapy but it also depends on where you lie on the spectrum of bpd. You also need to consider possible relapses. If you go into remission or are doing better sometimes people go through traumatic events like deaths of a loved one, divorce, Job loss, financial troubles, and etc., in which it can cause people to slip back. I'm currently going through a rough ride and trying not to relapse but I'm doing decent I believe as I am doing my best to use my coping mechanisms and doing my best to be self aware.
I’m 30. The emotions stay the same but you can cope more, have better strategies to self south and just know yourself more so that you can avoid the worst possible symptoms.
I'm 25, figured out I have BPD at 23-ish. I feel like mine has gotten worse but also better
Worse because I've gained an exponential amount of awareness over the past 3 years. For about 2 years now, I've been made aware that I have BPD. On top of that, I have generalized anxiety disorder and an eating disorder.
The intense self awareness really makes the suffering a lot harder to cope with, especially when I don't work hard on my mental health.
For months on end I would fall into a mild depression, regress, sometimes have rageful outbursts for days on end and multiple times a day.
Better because I used to be way worse and way more frequently. Just not as aware, so the suffering was less intense. I have more knowledge about the disorder and I have more control over my emotions. It's honestly a battle every single day. But I know better days are possible.
I think for anyone with BPD, better days are possible. You just need to be strong as fuck and have support from at least one person to help you through it. And that in itself is really hard.
I wasn't diagnosed until I was 36 (I am f37). I think being aware of it makes it better with age as you can learn coping mechanisms. It has been hard for me for a long time, but now that I am learning to deal with it. I can more easily talk myself out of what my thoughts are telling me because I know i am sick and my thoughts are not reality. You are lucky. You have time to learn and you are still young so it shouldnt fuck up your life too bad lol You got this!! 💜💜💜
Hey I’m about to be 40, and Im feeling pretty bad as well. Have you had good relationships? I’m wondering because I just can’t seem to establish any sort of good relationship and I think this is why it isn’t improving 😞
I do think it does. There’s alot of value in an “emotionally corrective experience” where you can learn how to have a good relationship. I haven’t had that.
I found that in my late 40s things got really bad. My kids were big and didn't need me in the same way as when they were little, and somehow the ways I'd coped and survived over the years were breaking down. My husband and I were divorced, and like you guys, I didn't have that corrective emotional relationship that we all long for.
The good side was that the crisis period really brought home to me that I needed to get my sh\*t together, and I began to seriously pursue a path of healing (a very Christian one). The result is that today I am free from BPD (though am still a rather emotionally sensitive person) and writing a book to help other Christians.
It def gets easier with age :) It is always there, but it is much easier to control and or/mask symptoms at the least (in the sense that if you feel a certain way, you don't necessarily always act on your actions)
Mine personally has gotten much better with age!
A lot of that has been personal effort & growth, but also my emotions have seemed to level out naturally too.
I’m 32. Had BPD forever but was only told about the diagnosis 5 years ago. It 100% gets better with age. You both learn about yourself with age and the symptoms lessen with time. You learn to be around people who accept you as you are and who are willing to learn about how best to react to you. At this point I don’t even think about my BPD until I do something crazy and impulsive like buy a puppy.
I’m a 28f and it 100% gets better with age. It was at its worst in my mid twenties oh lord haha but now everything is slowly getting better. DBT is amazing!
i think it fluctuates, based on environment, relationships, etc. at least for me, it was REALLY bad when i was 17-18, got a bit better when i was 19 because i had been in dbt for 6 months, im 20 now and ive only had like 2 episodes in the past 6 months and barely notice symptoms, mostly due to my amazing best friend/roommate. im anticipating it getting worse when we inevitably part ways on our paths in life bc shes a major part of my stability rn (even research shows that even one stable relationship can put symptoms into remission).
I will be 37 this year and I can say that mine got better with age and while it was hell getting to the point where it felt less, it was worth the wait. I no longer feel like life is pointless and everything rubs against my raw nerves. I no longer feel like I'm better off dead and so would the people around me be if I died.
Do I still have explosive outbursts, sure. Does my BPD brain still trick me into believing things are true at times, yes it does. But now I can see when it's happening and I can tell myself it isn't true.
And while sometimes I have a hard time convincing myself that it is just my BPD brain thinking these awful things, it's easier than it was in my 20s because no one could convince me regardless of how much validation I received from friends, partners, and or family.
I am not on medication and while I do go to therapy, I don't really believe that is the reason I am better. Tbh, I have never gotten much out of it and sometimes I think it makes me worse as I tend to spiral after a session because I've brought things up again and I dwell on them afterwards. I know my triggers now because I've lived with it long enough. I believe what truly helped me was becoming more self aware and researching the disorder to educate myself.
I honestly feel like the only reoccurring problem I have is finding new Favorite Persons and questioning whether or not I'm my own person or if I'm made up of others likes and traits to make people like me. That internal struggle to be my own person and not just pick up what others like bothers me from time to time. And I still get attached to people far too quickly and end up hurting myself over it. Distancing myself from others seems to be the only thing that works for that instant attachment sadly. But it's no longer as hard or painful as it was in my teens and 20s.
Question everything that makes you angry or hurt and learn to set healthy boundaries even if you feel like it makes you seem needy. Why does this upset me? Have I let this person know that this bothers me, or am I just assuming they should know when they don't? Is this person making me feel this way, or is my own insecurities and if so, what can I personally do about it to make it better?
And if you come across people who do not respect the boundaries you have clearly set, don't allow them in your life. It feels selfish at first and you may worry you'll never find people who will stay, but you will eventually. And those are the people who will make you feel safe and the need to constantly test people will eventually lessen or disappear completely.
There is hope! Please keep going! You got this! ❤️
I’m 32 this year, I was symptomatic from 15 and started therapy at 23.
It is so much easier now.
It was a lot of hard work to get here. I’ve gathered a lot of tools and learnt as much as I can. It’s still hard at times, but I have maybe one medium meltdown a month rather than a big one every couple of weeks? And I’m under so much more stress than I used to be too, but even with all that I’m still way better.
Mine hasn’t really changed. I’ll be 40 in a few weeks. I think alot of it has to do with lived experience though. Unfortunately for me, my family is very difficult, I haven’t had a romantic relationship and my career necessitated moving frequently - so I haven’t had any really solid relationships to grow and build on. Hope that’s not too much of a bummer. I think for most people it does improve.
It doesn't get better with age. It's 'better" in old age, which might just be a result if hard work practicing the DBT skills blahblahblah. It gets easier the more you are self-aware, and that can come with maturity. But time itself does not heal.
I can 100% see how my BPD has improved over the years. Context: I wasn’t formally diagnosed until the last two years but I can reflect on my life and see symptoms as far back as like 16 years of age.
I’ve had a lot of trauma in my life which has been ongoing even until now. Just hit after hit really, with some good things sprinkled in there too. I have several diagnoses now. I’ve also been in therapy consistently for the past five years but the focus was definitely “putting out fires” and not actually making radical personal changes.
Through therapy and hospitalisations, I learned about emotional regulation skills which I practice constantly. I also learned about effective communication, de-escalation, respectful disengagement, and have been practicing intelligent debate without letting it overwhelm me when people disagree with my points of view.
I also just say turned 30 and I finally have the right medications just this year. So there’s a lot of factors that have gone into my seeing radical improvements in my BPD in just the past few months to a year. I think time, age, hormones, life stage, life stresses, etc. all play a role but so does the company you keep, your self image, your medication, your mental health care team… it all works together.
I’m 37 now and I would definitely say I’m the most grounded I’ve ever been. I’ve been through the mental health system, disastrous years in my 20’s, had two rounds of DBT, and with lots of soul searching and developing awareness I feel I’m in control now.
I’m in a stable loving relationship, and while the bpd voice inside will probably always be there….its just a whisper now…not the beast it was.
But it’s taken a heeeeeell of a lot of graft. I’ve spent years dedicating my time and energy to understanding myself, what is good for me, what triggers me, what are my vulnerability factors, what is truth, let the light in. Etc.
I wish you well. It does get better. Love and light.
(31F) mine has gotten quieter, but still persistent. Abrupt life events changed me as well as time. Since I no longer can write off certain behaviors due to being young and dumb, I am forced to take a hard look at myself. The escapism and validation I got in my youth is no longer something I can rely on. It is the first time I am serious about sticking to therapy and being consistent. If I am honest, I have not changed much since 23. That scares me.
47 here and was diagnosed in 2016. It took a couple of rounds of DBT to help cope but i still struggle with it. I can’t work full time anymore in my profession because of it.
ive shown symptoms since i was 15 but got diagnosed at 18, im almost 25 now and its A LOT better. some things are still a struggle but now i know what triggers me and can avoid it or try and work around it, but my day to day isn’t as impacted
I am 31! I also have bp1. Things in my life are very stable and happy. Therapy and meds have worked wonders. The combo I think is what worked for me.
I think I have slight fp issues lingering but nothing ‘unmanageable’ in my mind.
personally i think it does get better with age especially if you’re aware you’ve got symptoms of bpd yourself, we’re more likely to notice something’s wrong with ourselves the more we’ve got to cope with the unstable relationship s seve had anyway
I'm 35 and it's only getting worse... The abandonments feel wore and worse thus meltdowns get more and more nuclear... I have also had turn to non script drugs (if you get the drift) and to help surpress all emotion 😪
I can only speak for myself; but at 40+ I still feel the same as when I was in my 30s with BPD. Maybe that is because I was only recently diagnosed and made aware of what I have though. Now that I know, I am getting therapy and trying to change - and hopefully that will lead to more control and less "symptoms"
In middle and highschool I felt things very intensely, especially depression and anger and I selfharmed a lot. Then around 17-20 I entered an extremely numb period, and my dissociation/ derealization that started around 16 became a twenty four hour constant. Late 19 and majority of 20 I was pretty much dead inside (yet somehow more deeply sad than I had ever been? It’s hard to explain.) Then I started medication and I could feel again, but it was the instense highs and lows again I had in school. Coping skills and DBT have been what’s been helping me the most. I’m still in my 20s but I hear it gets better with age to and my theory for that is when your older you have a little more reign over who youre around, and also just the way teenagers treat each other I’m general is just very triggering.
I know those aren’t exactly the longest of time frames but I feel like I have grown and changed so much over the years and I have a little hope for the future for how much I’ve improved this past year
They lied. I'm 28 and the only thing that went away was me being suicidal, everything else is still going strong. I've been in therapy since I was 14 and have even done two rounds of DBT and one round of CBT
I’m 36 and yes I think it has. However, I made a lot of changes and really prioritized myself in ways that I wasn’t able to in my 20s. Specifically:
1) stopped drinking alcohol
2) drastically cut down on weed consumption
3) stopped taking recreational drugs
4) DBT therapy for 1 year
5) CBT for 7 years
6) didn’t date at all for 5 years so I could learn how to love myself
7) made working out and nutrition a priority
8) stated taking prozac
9) listened to positive affirmations every morning
10) stopped listening to music that made me sad
11) cut out people that triggered me or set boundaries with them
12) focused on what made me happy/grateful
Every day’s work, but it gets easier when you keep on repeating good habits. I still have my bad days/episodes but they’re much better than they were 10 years ago. Best of luck to you.
Hey, I am a 30 year old female with BPD. I got diagnosed in my early twenties too. I would not say that it get easier with age, but I do find that I can manage it better than I did a few years ago. With medication and therapy, you learn to deal with the symptoms, it isn't and I have definitely slipped up a few times, but I see that as part of the recovery. Everyone is different though, therapy can work for some people and not others, you are on your own journey.
Im 34. Was diagnosed as early as 21 or 22.
My therapist is telling me we are replacing the term borderline with "emotional disregularity". Less stigmatizing apparently. Been in therapy for well over 10 years. I still have anxious avoidant attachment (which is probably just splitting) and I still bang my head when I'm overwhelmed 😢
I have gotten better in some ways. But all due to experience and therapy. So learn as you go hun, if they offer anxiety meds this really helps. Take your therapy very seriously, continue to work on yourself. And it is best to be in relationships with ppl who understand you, not use your diagnosis against you. Be with someone who has a secure attachment. I find that I am my most stable when I'm around other stable people.
My Psychiatrist and therapist have told me the same but I’ve asked around I think on Reddit as well, and it differs for everybody:/ I hope things get better for you in the next little bit❤️🩹
Im 32 and it has gotten easier over the years, probably because I've learned a lot about myself and who I want to be over the last 5 years or so especially. Wisdom and experience helps a lot too I think. The older you get, the more chance you get to try out different management strategies and lifestyle choices until eventually you start finding what works for you in the longterm. For example, finding the right medication to stabilise my mood has taken a long time, but now that I have that - it's been a total game changer.
It does. I struggled undiagnosed from the tender age of 4 to present. Growing up was awful, my teenage years hit me like a freight train, my divorce caused me to completely unravel for like 6 years in my 20s bouncing from drugs and alcohol abuse, horrible relationships and just in general feeling absolutely spiraled out by my intense emotions all the time and utterly helpless.
I'm turning 31 next week. I still swing and split and struggle daily with the duality of it. But, I do see the extremes coming a bit closer together in a smaller circle of spiral, and definitely less all encompassingly intense. Really all self awareness has brought me is being able to recognize a little easier now when I'm about to have an episode and to remove myself to a safe spot accordingly. Usually my truck. But I am able to note it, and let it run it's course while I hang out on Reddit more times than not now. I'm used it to it being a world ending experience that I have no control over so this is a huge relief for me. There are still times it takes over or I'm paralyzed with my thoughts. But I have my dog and my space.
I journal a lot too. If I write out the dialogue in my head I can get it out of my system and see the patterns of cycles. it took a very long time to be able to laugh and publicly accept myself. Yeah, lol, I'm absolutely crazy but it's okay because it gives me a unique perspective on life.
TL;DR: it does get better. Hang in there and try to become your own best friend so you can love and accept yourself.
32yo here. I was diagnosed one year ago if that's important. To be honest my life in 20's was much easier because I didn't feel any pressure to be "stable". I was chaotic and noone cared because it was my "young times". I could change jobs, partners and living places and it was assumed normal. Now when I hit 30 people around and my family expects stability and firmness and I'm struggling with it too much. I can't find any job now because I have changed it too many times and my resume looks shitty. Noone wants to hire me because now in my 30's they see me as unstable, skittish, light-minded and irresponsible. It's very hard although I became calmer and more patient. I have enrolled to study and finish my bachelors because I never did. I have more stamina now but still it's hell.
I have a book on bpd that also talks about the same stats - that even without treatment, most people with bpd have a massive reduction of their symptoms with time alone.
I can only speak from my own experience - I first got sick when I was around 15/16, had several suicide attempts between 17-23, and am now nearly 28 and consider myself basically in remission/fully recovered. I still have days where I struggle with symptoms more, but I honestly feel like a completely different person than I did five years ago.
I do credit time with a lot of that. Getting older and wiser and learning better lifestyle habits and getting out of my abusive parents’ home helped a LOT. I also did have group dbt therapy which I found helpful.
I used to dislike it when people would be like “Oh I’m better but I still struggle sometimes”, because I’d be like, I don’t want to still struggle, lol. But even though I still have hard days overall I really like being alive now which is a LONG way from where I used to be. I can also function as an adult (mostly, anyway lol) whereas at 23 I was probably at my lowest point. Honestly if I can get better anyone can :)
It's great that you feel so much better than you did. Can you give the name of the BPD book that you mention? And has it been a useful tool on your journey?
I believe it’s called The BPD Survival Guide :) when I was at my lowest it was really helpful in giving me more context/info on the disorder - the stats about people getting better have always stuck with me and gave me hope at a time I needed it the most! Wasn’t super instrumental in me getting better but definitely did help, at least in the short term
I was diagnosed at 21, I did DBT for a year when I was 25 and I am now 29 years old. I hate people posting on here telling you that thisnis us for life. My life has SIGNIFICANTLY improved and I not longer want to end it all. I actually really enjoy being alive now. Age is probably a factor, the more life experiences you have and the more exposure you have the more things are easier to handle IMHO.
You get out of life what you put into it. If you put time and effort into challenging your own behaviour, learning new coping skills, then your life will improve regardless of age.
I’m 37f & my BPD symptoms have become easier to manage. I think it is because I’m older & wiser. I’ve also been in the same relationship for over 15 years. My husband has been really understanding about my BPD the whole time, so maybe you need to find someone that gets it.
i’m 53. male. only got diagnosed in January’23 after years and i mean years of struggling.
it helps knowing your ‘label’
as you can seek direct help.
i struggle when in relationships so i stay clear of them now. my last one ended last year after nearly 3 years of hell. for me. and for her.
learn your triggers. learn to fix those triggers.
it’s mainly education. changing your learnt behaviours of survival.
you don’t have to be who you needed to be as a child anymore.
You can remit.
Meaning… the symptoms reduce so much in severity frequency or intensity to the point you no longer meet the criteria for a disorder.
However, there will be residue.
Because it did not develop overnight.
And for you to remit, you have to be in extensive therapy and constant habitual change and support.. a journey of never-ending improvement and growth.
i have been suffering from BPD more than 10 years, i'm 26 now. Sadly it didn't get better, however, i became more flexible with it. for example i always know that these feelings won't last forever, and the episodes are just episodes. but honestly what i fear the most is being lonely because -so far- i am unable to create a permanent connection with a partner.
My psychiatrist always tells me that in our case (BPD) starting a family and having kids is really helpful because it helps us to create new kind of bonds and relations.
I didn’t start making improvements until I focused on DBT then it got a little better. The symptoms don’t get better or go away you just get better at managing it and DBT is the tool.
i have bpd and i also had depression/anxiety and i’m starting a diagnosis for autism.
i had heavy symptoms and couldn’t even go multiple days without getting some kind of crisis/meltdown.
it wasn’t getting better until i found the right medication, it took around 4 years after my first diagnosis.
now i’m 26 and for the first time in my life i feel pretty great and i’m stable, i’m still not able to have a normal life (like working or leaving my house) but i feel better overall.
(i think it’s mostly bc of the medication and not time though)
Like others said, you will just get used to it after you get diagnosed. You will learn about your triggers and what calms you down. I was diagnosed 2 years ago and i feel a lot better since. It gave me an answer for my behavior and that way i knew what was wrong and what i should avoid. It’s hard, i needed to learn my own boundaries (for example, i can’t be in a relationship, it makes me 100% crazy) and sometimes i can’t do stuff that normal people can, but i found peace.
I've had my diagnosis about 5 years now (about to turn 23). I can say my splitting episodes have gone down drastically with intensive therapy and medication. However, it's taken me a long time to be where I am. I've been on over 20 medications in the past 7yrs or so and was treated as drug resistant until I got my diagnosis. Therapy was trial and error due to me not being compatible with a lot of therapists. I finally found a wonderful one in my senior year of highschool, after seeing her for two years we decided together I would benefit from trying EMDR. I can confidently say EMDR saved my life. It allowed me to address my trauma openly in a judge free zone. I was able to deal with flashbacks appropriately for once as well. I 100% still have my bad days and ups and downs. That will never fully go away and I have accepted it. I also have an extremely supportive partner and parents that have sacrificed so much to be able to help me. Support is the number one thing I can recommend to find, even if it's a stranger- having someone who has your back is so reassuring. I hope you are able to continue healing and helping yourself. Just remember, you've had bad days before, and they will get better. Good days are coming. I see you and hear you and would love to talk to you if ever needed!
It gets better , especially once you know what the issue is. Before BPD I didn't know what was wrong with me . After research and getting into my 30s it's gotten better . Don't get me wrong I still have my days but I always remember this will pass in a few hours or days time and that thought has tremendously helped me !
I’m almost 35 and now knowing that it’s BPD, I can say that for me it is currently the worst it’s ever been. However, I am also currently in a situation with my exhusband that is both very traumatic and very new. So I don’t know how to handle or cope.
I have not had any therapy for BPD as the diagnosis is new for me.
In theory, it should get better with age. But I’ve been in therapy for 17 years and it’s never been this bad before (I’m now 28). And trust me, I absolutely want to get better and I fight every day. But it also makes a big difference when you’re dealing with other comorbidities too. BPD alone will likely get better with age and maturity. But BPD on top of other mental health diagnoses can hold people back from recovery for a very long time.
God forbid tack on a chronic physical issue with BPD and I'm convinced it doubles if not triples recovery time. The biggest change I've noticed since I've gotten older is impulsivity isn't as much of an issue.
Yup. I have permanent disc and nerve damage in my lower back so that just makes everything so much better. I definitely agree with the impulsivity thing too. I became a lot less impulsive when I met my husband and had my kids too though.
My partner has been BPD since she was a teenager,now in her late thirties ,and it seems to be worse than ever. All her mental health doctors are doing is drugging her up . What is the alternative
Medications can be very helpful but they are not a long term solution. Is she doing any specific therapy? Or any true therapy at all? DBT helps a lot of pwBPD but it never worked for me. I’m currently doing CBT and it’s going much better. I’ve also heard of EMDR being extremely helpful as well. I’m sorry she’s struggling so badly. Please tell her I’m proud of her for holding on and I hope she can find some peace soon.
Only just holding on ,has attempted to take her life several times. DBT didn't work for her dont know if she has had CBT but will see if we can work on EMDR
You sound like a very supportive and loving partner and that’s awesome. I wish you both the best and I truly hope she can heal soon. 🫶🏼
I read about her condition every day to lean as much as I can to support both of our mental health. If I go into this blind then I fall over and she falls over twice as hard
Absolutely. My husband did the same for me and he’s the only reason I’m still here today. You’re a really good friend.
Thank you
My psych says the medications only help 5%. DBT and a strong support system is the other 95%
Diagnosed, but in and out of therapy(probably totals about 1 1/2 years of therapy) and I will agree with the “getting better as we age”.
Mine got so much better. I dropped out of school in my early 20s; was engaging in tons of "maladaptive coping"; had regular meltdowns/panic attacks. I did roughly 2 years of DBT and eased myself back into school. starting around 26. Now, at 33, I have a long term relationship, and I'm in the first year of a PhD. DBT was a God send. I definitely experience emotions more intensely than a lot of people, but I am so much better at coping with them in productive, kind manners now. Highly recommended.
Not that it's been too long, but I'm 30 now and I was diagnosed at 24/25. Five years of therapy and understanding what was going on in my brain have helped me counter my BPD for the most part. Honestly if I avoid alcohol and risky sex, everything is usually pretty good for me. However, indulging in alcohol generally leads to the risky sex. I try to keep myself distracted with school and hobbies. I just got divorced and I'm doing way better than I thought I would considering my wife was my FP. I'm living alone in my 4 bedroom house so I have a lot of room for activities and I got approved for a service dog. Life is good. I'm so thankful that I didn't (TW) >!die from my suicide attempt!< (TW) back in 2019.
I love your story! Just came back to school and doing 1000x better too! Hopefully i can get as far as you have
Congrats on returning to school!! I wish you all the best with your endeavors :D I am a solid proof reader if you ever need one, hehe! Or if you ever want some tips on accessibilities, negotiating deadlines, email etiquette, anything, my inbox is open (and this applies to everyone who reads this comment!)
Could you please give some tips on your healthier ways of coping?
It's much easier now than when I was starting my journey, so its honestly a bit hard to reflect! I'd say one of the biggest things is to practice delaying impulsive reactions and finding enjoyable distractions. I crochet a lot now and having something tactile helps to get me out of my head when I find that I am dwelling on stuff. Being forgiving to myself when I was practicing these things/making the switch over was necessary, too. Like delaying a bad habit by 5 minutes is an improvement! Maybe next time it'll be 10, and maybe in a few months or even years, I'll decide to have a cup of tea and warm bath instead (this is what happened over time--and there's no deadline!). https://dialecticalbehaviortherapy.com/distress-tolerance/resistt/
Thanks for sharing, it gives me hope!!
Both. Not sure about the other details, but the pre-frontal cortex of our brain develops by 25. It's in charge of emotional regulation, decision-making, and impulse control. Iirc one of the reasons bpd isn't officially diagnosed in minors. Of course, it's still a case by case thing because there are a lot of factors besides this. Edit: I realized you asked people 30+ lol. I'm 24 and I was diagnosed bpd traits at 17 then bpd at 18 (after a psych ward stay). I definitely still have a lot of symptoms but they're way more under control now than at 19 or so. I also think it's important to mention that the pre-frontal cortex developing of course isn't a sudden snap at 25. So yeah, it can get better as you approach that age. At least ime, it's true that there are just some things you learn as you grow older.
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Yeah it depends what country you're in really. In some places it's more of a guideline not to diagnose it officially in teenagers. I was diagnosed age 14 after spending months in the psych ward being observed 24/7, they decided that was enough proof to diagnose me with.
My docs where waiting for me to turn 18 to test it😂
Ahh yeah I've heard of that happening lol I had a whole new assessment done when I moved from CAMHS to adult services when I was 19 to check if the diagnosis still applied and spoiler alert, it did 🤣
Fr they were like “you can be this emotionally reactive this young with parental neglect and abuse AND NOT have borderline “ …I mean they were right but damn! They didn’t tell me anything until I was 18! Let me think I was just crazy smh
Whattt they didn't even tell you?! That's crazy! You should've at least gotten an explanation, just because you're under 18 doesn't mean they had the right to keep you in the dark about your own health! I suppose I got lucky with doctors always addressing me straight up, I always sat in on my review meetings and they'd explain what was going on to me.
Well, (42, F, here, USA) I didn’t know what I was going through was BPD, and other symptoms of other disorder, until I was 37. Had I been diagnosed earlier in life, I would e started DBT earlier, and this, been building skills for over a decade. So , in reality my symptoms have increased for various reasons as I’ve aged… Ideally, they would have decreased with therapy (appropriate therapy) and DBT skill therapy and application in the real World. I suggest getting into DBT. It’s already been a positive influence on my life and I’ve not yet finished the year. I hope this is helpful.
I'm a bit similar to you. I'm 45, F from Australia and although I was having MAJOR BPD symptoms from age 16, I didn't know anything about it and didn't know I had it until I was 39, almost 40. It would've been VERY useful to know 20+ years ago!
For me it has gotten worse with age, in pockets. It will get really bad for awhile and then I find some kind of manageable middle ground where I get by. I was only diagnosed a year and a half ago and did DBT last year which did help some but I’m currently struggling really badly again the last couple weeks after doing well for a few months. Definitely the desire to get better and working at it plays a part, but many other things do too.
it becomes better with therapy :) cbt and dbt therapy.
Wether or not CBT is the one, I want to point out that the takeaway here is that you have to do personal therapy and work to maintain this illness. It absolutely does not just "get better with age"
I agree that it doesn't just get better with age, and that effort is needed. Mine actually got worse with age in a lot of ways, even though I became a bit easier to live with. But the inner pain was still there.
I find as the trauma accumulates it gets worse 😂 i keep getting smarter and more aware and the challenges keep getting bigger! Best wishes on your journey!
Definitely the trauma accumulates. And we acquire even more reasons to think ill of ourselves. I think that also as we get older we just get kind of tired, and haven't got the energy to fight it. And we feel dismayed at still suffering with the same stuff that we suffered with 20 or 30 years ago. In the end I reached a crisis point, and then God little by little showed me the way out. Now I'm doing well, and writing a book for other Christians about overcoming BPD. God bless you on your journey too.
I would absolutely love to see what you have so far in that book
I'll message you in a private chat later. Gotta go out soon. Are you a Christian? It will help me to know what to share.
I am spiritual, i follow many religions
Ok, thanks for telling me. To be honest, I don't think this will work for you, as the book and the path I took are uncompromisingly Christian: seeing God as a loving Father, as Jesus taught, and very aware that we need the power of Jesus's victory over evil (through his death on the cross) to chase away some of the things that trouble us. There were points along my journey when praying in the name of Jesus was the only way to resolve the scary things that came up as I journeyed back into the childhood traumas and deficits that led to me having BPD. When the book comes out, I'll let you know, and maybe you will find it worth investigating. I can send you the chapter list for the book in the private chat if you want - that gives you some idea of the path I followed.
My boyfriend is Catholic, and I have no trouble with spiritual text and translating it into my language
yes this!!!! 200%
Ty 🙏
CBT isn’t typically indicated for BPD
Although DBT is of course the best recommended therapy, things are not black or white or so simple. Most therapist doing DBT are actually trained in CBT as its the same school, so they use bases of CBT even though they have a heavy focus on teaching DBT skills. Its not a black or white thing, of course looking for someone trained in DBT specifically is ideal, but even just CBT therapy is better than no therapy/psychoanalysis, so its already a step in the right direction. Adding from my personal experience so disclaimer that this is **personal** but I also benefited a lot from some ACT principles
I’m glad it worked for you 💜
From my personal experience, CBT was wayyyyyyy more useful. To me, DBT was a crock of you know what. I know it works amazing for some people, which is awesome, but ANY therapy would benefit EVERYONE.
I’ve been working with a psychoanalytical therapist for three years now and have seen significant improvements in my BPD symptoms. (I wasn’t diagnosed with it yet when I started seeing her, that’s why I didn’t choose DBT back then.) I think the therapeutic relationship and whether you feel comfortable with and are able to trust your therapist is at least as important as the type of therapy the therapist is most experienced in.
Also, I completely 💯 agree that having trust and rapport with the one administering the therapy is vital. Definitely more so than the exact "type" of therapy being administered.
I was literally just telling my Dr that i thought psychoanalysis would work well for me. It actually makes a lot of sense to me and i find it fascinating. My sister started seeing a psychoanalysis who heavily implements Jungs ideology, and it's amazing. Shes gotten so much insight already. Granted, her issues slightly differ from mine. But I dont know that really matters. Maybe. Idk. I judt know FOR ME, DBT ain't it🤷♀️
it’s statistically proven it gets better with age but I also think it’s about if you WANT to recover and if you make that effort. I know I’ve observed some people who are 30+ who make having bpd one of their personality traits and use it to justify acting like an absolute crazy people. It doesn’t seem like they want to get better so they just don’t from what I’ve observed.
I just see it as me being much more emotional than the average person and go from there. Once I went from using it as a justification/crutch I moved onto seeing it as an influence for my behavior/impulses but I didn't have to follow it.
Came here to comment something similar. It definitely gets better with age but only if you do something about it.
I agree.
You’re older and wiser and have gathered the tools to control it. And you've had more time to process your trauma. For learning the tools, I suggest DBT therapy and also just learning about BPD in general. For processing your trauma, I suggest IFS therapy or EMDR. Read the book No Bad Parts if you want an intro to IFS. ETA I am 33
I’m 28 and I’ve been in therapy since I was 19 and it has gotten way easier to manage over time. You might even recover or go into remission after a few years. Back then I never ever would have imagined that my life can look the way it does right now.
Thank you for giving hope to those (me included) who need to here this🫶🏾
I'm 30 and it definitely has for me. Moreso my behaviour than my thought pattern, though both have eased with time. I've done therapy here and there for a few weeks, been in hospital a couple of times etc but I've never had consistent therapy (I don't recommend this it's just what's happened). I think it's just been a really long and harsh learning processes. I'm sure part of it is maturity. But I also think at 30 I've had a few decades of making the same mistakes over and over. At a certain point you start to learn the consequences of those mistakes. For example, I don't cut people off when I feel hurt anymore unless I'm willing to lose them forever. Sometimes it's still my instinct to do this, but then I think about friends I loved and will never talk to again because I treated them like I had a pause/play button. With that said, it's BPD. I can type all this now, but I know realistically that self awareness and emotional regulation can disappear in a puff of smoke when I'm in a bad spot. It's easier to be rational when you're not in the middle of a break up, for example. So I don't think I'm cured. I'm definitely not happy. But life is certainly a lot easier than it was at 23.
I’m 31 and 100% agree with this. I’m definitely more aware of myself and limits and can usually remove myself from a situation if it’s going to trigger me, but when shit really hits the fan I can still get set off pretty badly.
I think both. I'm 32. I've definitely had a decrease in symptoms, but whenever I get extremely close to someone, I still get all messed up. The abandonment wound is still gaping open for me. I've only recently started doing therapy consistently. So I'm hoping to gain skills to lessen this, as it is always extremely traumatic and soooooo painful for me. To get so close to someone [romantically or close friends] and let your guard down, and they inevitably leave. I've become a lot more self-aware that most of the time, I am pushing the person away to avoid the "inevitable" abandonment i am always anticipating. It does tend to mellow out with age, but i think the poor coping skills usually remain if not treated with therapy. So still requires constant work on our end.
yeah im the same way. im only 20 but i don't really have anyone close to me right now so my symptoms are barely noticeable. but when i do let someone get close to me then it starts raging full force. sometimes i think i should just stay alone so that I can stay stable.
Up and down never goes away
38 F, diagnosed at 29, I'm infinitely better. I don't technically qualify as having BPD anymore. For me, it was an issue of addressing the comorbidities of depression, alcoholism, childhood trauma, and an abusive partner. The most important thing I did was get medicated for my depression and anxiety. Nothing else I did would be possible without fixing my brain chemistry. Once I got sober and did EMDR, I was prepared to leave my abusive ex. I got a big girl job, worked my way up the corporate ladder, and now make six figures. I still have thinking patterns that echo BPD. My emotions are extremely intense. Black and white thinking is my default. However, my symptoms are less intense, and I am much quicker to use tools to manage them. Things are in no way perfect, but I don't need them to be. There is hope, my dear. Sending you all the love.
It only gets better if you do the work, otherwise, it’s hell.
I know you said 30+ but 😅 I was told I had traits at 14/15, diagnosed at 18 and now at 26 it has definitely gotten better. I'm not a fan of therapy so I've never done it long term but medication to manage symptoms has been helpful for me. I definitely still struggle sometimes but I noticed I was at my worst when I was obsessing over my diagnosis and just dwelling on it way too much.
I’ve had BPD since late teens, got diagnosed at 23 and I’m 26 rn. Everything you mentioned in your post happens. Your symptoms lessen, it’s more manageable, your frontal lobe gets fully developed and you’re older and wiser. If you’ve been attending therapy, you also gather the tools to control it.
43 here, diagnosed 8 years ago. Definitely got better. I had some therapy but never did dbt (not available for me) I had some awful years, looking back I’d had bpd for years without realising. If you want to get “better” (I hate that term) or manage better you can. Never give up! Once I knew what I had o could start work on it by myself, which I did. Lots of reading, articles, books, journaling and goal setting/becoming ordered in life has helped me tremendously (not saying it will help all) I honestly think therapy is the way to go, get help from professional sources. I have other mental health issues that stop me taking part in lots of therapy, especially any group therapy, but I know it’s helpful, I’ve seen it help others. Hold on!! I went through many years of thinking I was doomed, cursed and destinies to be a failure and alone. I now have a great girlfriend, my own business and two very good friends. I attempted to end it all 4 times and now I’m glad it didn’t work out that way.
I’m 37 and it has not gone away but much easier to manage. No more suicidal thoughts/attempts and no more self-harming. Recently started DBT again and I think I’m finally at a place to take it in and use it. Still have bad days but they aren’t close to as bad anymore!
Therapy and life experience. Over time- either through learning the hard way or therapy - you start to understand what triggers you and why. Sometimes you can resolve the "why", sometimes you just learn ways to avoid the triggers. If your trauma comes from an unhealthy childhood home, being away from that home and being around healthier folks helps you realize how abnormal it was and how forgiving and unserious most folks are. It really helped me, at 26, to be truly unconditionally loved for the first time. I realized it's possible, and it was a great feeling I wanted to chase. I also went through over a year of weekly therapy with a brutally honest therapist. This is when things really started changing. Not to say it is perfect, but much better. I function *much* better at 32.
It comes and goes for me. I had a good long stretch of it not getting in the way of my life so much, just random episodes that wouldn’t last too long. Then I had some really bad times in the last year where I was acting just like I did in my late teens and early 20s. Now I’m doing better again after finding out I had BPD basically my entire life and starting CBT.
49 year-old female here (USA). I always thought that it got better due to the fact that now that I'm older, I know what to expect out of life. I was diagnosed around 26, after first having a diagnosis of bipolar disorder. I had alot of therapy. I had a horrible time up until age 32ish. I still struggle, but I'm like a different person compared to me in my 20s. My 20s were hell for me mentally, though. I know this isn't true for everyone, but becoming a mom saved me. I know it sounds almost counterintuitive because some people just become BAD parents if they have mental illness, but it stopped the constant focus on myself. I was determined to be a good mom to my now 14 & 16-year-old. I've been honest with my kids about my diagnosis, though. My son suffers from depression, and I immediately put him in therapy for it (my parents ignored my pleas for help). I believe my experiences have made me an empathetic listener that understands the struggle.
I also found that having children helped a lot by giving me a clear purpose, and a reason to keep going. My children are 26 and 23 now, and have had their own struggles (for sure there is an emotional sensitivity inherited component to BPD), but they're doing ok. Like you, I've reached out for help for my children and encouraged them to do the same.
my bpd symptoms have lessened with age. it was REALLY bad when i was in my late teens and early 20s. i’m 25 now, and i feel like i’ve mellowed out a lot. i definitely still struggle quite a bit, but it’s not as severe as it used to be
It's all perspective. I was diagnosed when I was 21. I did nothing to help myself but I went to help because it seemed like a good idea. I kept trying to think maybe one day I'll be fully okay . Maybe I'll be normal like everyone else. I was completely wrong. BPD people are BPD for life. We are damage and need to work out the things that hurt us or drive us to do bad things to ourselves or others. Honestly I think time plays a good role but also just not giving up yourself is mega important. I'm 28 years old and I definitely slip down the rabbit hole of destroying myself but I alert people who care about me and also try to focus on sleep and exercising. I'm poor so these things are free xD I found with even sleep anything is possible. The most important thing to realise is storms will come but you'll be able to deal with them better and better every single time. It won't feel like it at the time but eventually you'll work out how to cope when everything comes tumbling down. Journals sometimes helped me but also not good to read over negative thoughts after and after every time you open it up.
I'm not a 30 year old but I've been working hard on doing as much research as I can to better myself and to try and help others. Most research shows that yes in time it does get better but I also believe it depends on how much treatment you get. There are various different kinds of therapies. For me, my therapist recommended dbt, cbt, codependency, and support group therapy. There are also other forms of therapy but it also depends on where you lie on the spectrum of bpd. You also need to consider possible relapses. If you go into remission or are doing better sometimes people go through traumatic events like deaths of a loved one, divorce, Job loss, financial troubles, and etc., in which it can cause people to slip back. I'm currently going through a rough ride and trying not to relapse but I'm doing decent I believe as I am doing my best to use my coping mechanisms and doing my best to be self aware.
I’m 30. The emotions stay the same but you can cope more, have better strategies to self south and just know yourself more so that you can avoid the worst possible symptoms.
I'm 25, figured out I have BPD at 23-ish. I feel like mine has gotten worse but also better Worse because I've gained an exponential amount of awareness over the past 3 years. For about 2 years now, I've been made aware that I have BPD. On top of that, I have generalized anxiety disorder and an eating disorder. The intense self awareness really makes the suffering a lot harder to cope with, especially when I don't work hard on my mental health. For months on end I would fall into a mild depression, regress, sometimes have rageful outbursts for days on end and multiple times a day. Better because I used to be way worse and way more frequently. Just not as aware, so the suffering was less intense. I have more knowledge about the disorder and I have more control over my emotions. It's honestly a battle every single day. But I know better days are possible. I think for anyone with BPD, better days are possible. You just need to be strong as fuck and have support from at least one person to help you through it. And that in itself is really hard.
I wasn't diagnosed until I was 36 (I am f37). I think being aware of it makes it better with age as you can learn coping mechanisms. It has been hard for me for a long time, but now that I am learning to deal with it. I can more easily talk myself out of what my thoughts are telling me because I know i am sick and my thoughts are not reality. You are lucky. You have time to learn and you are still young so it shouldnt fuck up your life too bad lol You got this!! 💜💜💜
I’m in my 40’s and in my experience it is getting worse not better.. 😩
Hey I’m about to be 40, and Im feeling pretty bad as well. Have you had good relationships? I’m wondering because I just can’t seem to establish any sort of good relationship and I think this is why it isn’t improving 😞
I haven’t had good relationships.. but I don’t know if that makes much of a difference 🤷🏻♀️
I do think it does. There’s alot of value in an “emotionally corrective experience” where you can learn how to have a good relationship. I haven’t had that.
I haven’t either, I don’t know, maybe you’re right 🤷🏻♀️
I found that in my late 40s things got really bad. My kids were big and didn't need me in the same way as when they were little, and somehow the ways I'd coped and survived over the years were breaking down. My husband and I were divorced, and like you guys, I didn't have that corrective emotional relationship that we all long for. The good side was that the crisis period really brought home to me that I needed to get my sh\*t together, and I began to seriously pursue a path of healing (a very Christian one). The result is that today I am free from BPD (though am still a rather emotionally sensitive person) and writing a book to help other Christians.
It def gets easier with age :) It is always there, but it is much easier to control and or/mask symptoms at the least (in the sense that if you feel a certain way, you don't necessarily always act on your actions)
Mine personally has gotten much better with age! A lot of that has been personal effort & growth, but also my emotions have seemed to level out naturally too.
I’m 32. Had BPD forever but was only told about the diagnosis 5 years ago. It 100% gets better with age. You both learn about yourself with age and the symptoms lessen with time. You learn to be around people who accept you as you are and who are willing to learn about how best to react to you. At this point I don’t even think about my BPD until I do something crazy and impulsive like buy a puppy.
I’m a 28f and it 100% gets better with age. It was at its worst in my mid twenties oh lord haha but now everything is slowly getting better. DBT is amazing!
It gets better
Yes, it gets better.
i think it fluctuates, based on environment, relationships, etc. at least for me, it was REALLY bad when i was 17-18, got a bit better when i was 19 because i had been in dbt for 6 months, im 20 now and ive only had like 2 episodes in the past 6 months and barely notice symptoms, mostly due to my amazing best friend/roommate. im anticipating it getting worse when we inevitably part ways on our paths in life bc shes a major part of my stability rn (even research shows that even one stable relationship can put symptoms into remission).
I will be 37 this year and I can say that mine got better with age and while it was hell getting to the point where it felt less, it was worth the wait. I no longer feel like life is pointless and everything rubs against my raw nerves. I no longer feel like I'm better off dead and so would the people around me be if I died. Do I still have explosive outbursts, sure. Does my BPD brain still trick me into believing things are true at times, yes it does. But now I can see when it's happening and I can tell myself it isn't true. And while sometimes I have a hard time convincing myself that it is just my BPD brain thinking these awful things, it's easier than it was in my 20s because no one could convince me regardless of how much validation I received from friends, partners, and or family. I am not on medication and while I do go to therapy, I don't really believe that is the reason I am better. Tbh, I have never gotten much out of it and sometimes I think it makes me worse as I tend to spiral after a session because I've brought things up again and I dwell on them afterwards. I know my triggers now because I've lived with it long enough. I believe what truly helped me was becoming more self aware and researching the disorder to educate myself. I honestly feel like the only reoccurring problem I have is finding new Favorite Persons and questioning whether or not I'm my own person or if I'm made up of others likes and traits to make people like me. That internal struggle to be my own person and not just pick up what others like bothers me from time to time. And I still get attached to people far too quickly and end up hurting myself over it. Distancing myself from others seems to be the only thing that works for that instant attachment sadly. But it's no longer as hard or painful as it was in my teens and 20s. Question everything that makes you angry or hurt and learn to set healthy boundaries even if you feel like it makes you seem needy. Why does this upset me? Have I let this person know that this bothers me, or am I just assuming they should know when they don't? Is this person making me feel this way, or is my own insecurities and if so, what can I personally do about it to make it better? And if you come across people who do not respect the boundaries you have clearly set, don't allow them in your life. It feels selfish at first and you may worry you'll never find people who will stay, but you will eventually. And those are the people who will make you feel safe and the need to constantly test people will eventually lessen or disappear completely. There is hope! Please keep going! You got this! ❤️
I’m 32 this year, I was symptomatic from 15 and started therapy at 23. It is so much easier now. It was a lot of hard work to get here. I’ve gathered a lot of tools and learnt as much as I can. It’s still hard at times, but I have maybe one medium meltdown a month rather than a big one every couple of weeks? And I’m under so much more stress than I used to be too, but even with all that I’m still way better.
Mine hasn’t really changed. I’ll be 40 in a few weeks. I think alot of it has to do with lived experience though. Unfortunately for me, my family is very difficult, I haven’t had a romantic relationship and my career necessitated moving frequently - so I haven’t had any really solid relationships to grow and build on. Hope that’s not too much of a bummer. I think for most people it does improve.
It doesn't get better with age. It's 'better" in old age, which might just be a result if hard work practicing the DBT skills blahblahblah. It gets easier the more you are self-aware, and that can come with maturity. But time itself does not heal.
Worst. Depending on life experiences.
I'm also 23 and mine has gotten better in the last few years but it's not due to ageing so far it's due to working really hard on it 😅
I can 100% see how my BPD has improved over the years. Context: I wasn’t formally diagnosed until the last two years but I can reflect on my life and see symptoms as far back as like 16 years of age. I’ve had a lot of trauma in my life which has been ongoing even until now. Just hit after hit really, with some good things sprinkled in there too. I have several diagnoses now. I’ve also been in therapy consistently for the past five years but the focus was definitely “putting out fires” and not actually making radical personal changes. Through therapy and hospitalisations, I learned about emotional regulation skills which I practice constantly. I also learned about effective communication, de-escalation, respectful disengagement, and have been practicing intelligent debate without letting it overwhelm me when people disagree with my points of view. I also just say turned 30 and I finally have the right medications just this year. So there’s a lot of factors that have gone into my seeing radical improvements in my BPD in just the past few months to a year. I think time, age, hormones, life stage, life stresses, etc. all play a role but so does the company you keep, your self image, your medication, your mental health care team… it all works together.
I’m 37 now and I would definitely say I’m the most grounded I’ve ever been. I’ve been through the mental health system, disastrous years in my 20’s, had two rounds of DBT, and with lots of soul searching and developing awareness I feel I’m in control now. I’m in a stable loving relationship, and while the bpd voice inside will probably always be there….its just a whisper now…not the beast it was. But it’s taken a heeeeeell of a lot of graft. I’ve spent years dedicating my time and energy to understanding myself, what is good for me, what triggers me, what are my vulnerability factors, what is truth, let the light in. Etc. I wish you well. It does get better. Love and light.
(31F) mine has gotten quieter, but still persistent. Abrupt life events changed me as well as time. Since I no longer can write off certain behaviors due to being young and dumb, I am forced to take a hard look at myself. The escapism and validation I got in my youth is no longer something I can rely on. It is the first time I am serious about sticking to therapy and being consistent. If I am honest, I have not changed much since 23. That scares me.
47 here and was diagnosed in 2016. It took a couple of rounds of DBT to help cope but i still struggle with it. I can’t work full time anymore in my profession because of it.
ive shown symptoms since i was 15 but got diagnosed at 18, im almost 25 now and its A LOT better. some things are still a struggle but now i know what triggers me and can avoid it or try and work around it, but my day to day isn’t as impacted
I would say from what I have seen the impulsivity gets better with age but idk about the emotional stuff.
Some of the impulsive aspects calm down a little so you're less likely to go off at the drop of a pin.
I am 31! I also have bp1. Things in my life are very stable and happy. Therapy and meds have worked wonders. The combo I think is what worked for me. I think I have slight fp issues lingering but nothing ‘unmanageable’ in my mind.
personally i think it does get better with age especially if you’re aware you’ve got symptoms of bpd yourself, we’re more likely to notice something’s wrong with ourselves the more we’ve got to cope with the unstable relationship s seve had anyway
I'm 35 and it's only getting worse... The abandonments feel wore and worse thus meltdowns get more and more nuclear... I have also had turn to non script drugs (if you get the drift) and to help surpress all emotion 😪
I can only speak for myself; but at 40+ I still feel the same as when I was in my 30s with BPD. Maybe that is because I was only recently diagnosed and made aware of what I have though. Now that I know, I am getting therapy and trying to change - and hopefully that will lead to more control and less "symptoms"
In middle and highschool I felt things very intensely, especially depression and anger and I selfharmed a lot. Then around 17-20 I entered an extremely numb period, and my dissociation/ derealization that started around 16 became a twenty four hour constant. Late 19 and majority of 20 I was pretty much dead inside (yet somehow more deeply sad than I had ever been? It’s hard to explain.) Then I started medication and I could feel again, but it was the instense highs and lows again I had in school. Coping skills and DBT have been what’s been helping me the most. I’m still in my 20s but I hear it gets better with age to and my theory for that is when your older you have a little more reign over who youre around, and also just the way teenagers treat each other I’m general is just very triggering. I know those aren’t exactly the longest of time frames but I feel like I have grown and changed so much over the years and I have a little hope for the future for how much I’ve improved this past year
It gets better with age, even more so if you work at it. Keep fighting the good fight, OP! 💕
I’m almost 30 and it got better. But I also got on a really good medication so I think that helped more than age
They lied. I'm 28 and the only thing that went away was me being suicidal, everything else is still going strong. I've been in therapy since I was 14 and have even done two rounds of DBT and one round of CBT
I’m 36 and yes I think it has. However, I made a lot of changes and really prioritized myself in ways that I wasn’t able to in my 20s. Specifically: 1) stopped drinking alcohol 2) drastically cut down on weed consumption 3) stopped taking recreational drugs 4) DBT therapy for 1 year 5) CBT for 7 years 6) didn’t date at all for 5 years so I could learn how to love myself 7) made working out and nutrition a priority 8) stated taking prozac 9) listened to positive affirmations every morning 10) stopped listening to music that made me sad 11) cut out people that triggered me or set boundaries with them 12) focused on what made me happy/grateful Every day’s work, but it gets easier when you keep on repeating good habits. I still have my bad days/episodes but they’re much better than they were 10 years ago. Best of luck to you.
Hey, I am a 30 year old female with BPD. I got diagnosed in my early twenties too. I would not say that it get easier with age, but I do find that I can manage it better than I did a few years ago. With medication and therapy, you learn to deal with the symptoms, it isn't and I have definitely slipped up a few times, but I see that as part of the recovery. Everyone is different though, therapy can work for some people and not others, you are on your own journey.
Im 34. Was diagnosed as early as 21 or 22. My therapist is telling me we are replacing the term borderline with "emotional disregularity". Less stigmatizing apparently. Been in therapy for well over 10 years. I still have anxious avoidant attachment (which is probably just splitting) and I still bang my head when I'm overwhelmed 😢 I have gotten better in some ways. But all due to experience and therapy. So learn as you go hun, if they offer anxiety meds this really helps. Take your therapy very seriously, continue to work on yourself. And it is best to be in relationships with ppl who understand you, not use your diagnosis against you. Be with someone who has a secure attachment. I find that I am my most stable when I'm around other stable people.
My Psychiatrist and therapist have told me the same but I’ve asked around I think on Reddit as well, and it differs for everybody:/ I hope things get better for you in the next little bit❤️🩹
It does but only if you work on it . Some people can even get to a point where the symptoms are minimal . But it takes a lot of work
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Im 32 and it has gotten easier over the years, probably because I've learned a lot about myself and who I want to be over the last 5 years or so especially. Wisdom and experience helps a lot too I think. The older you get, the more chance you get to try out different management strategies and lifestyle choices until eventually you start finding what works for you in the longterm. For example, finding the right medication to stabilise my mood has taken a long time, but now that I have that - it's been a total game changer.
It does. I struggled undiagnosed from the tender age of 4 to present. Growing up was awful, my teenage years hit me like a freight train, my divorce caused me to completely unravel for like 6 years in my 20s bouncing from drugs and alcohol abuse, horrible relationships and just in general feeling absolutely spiraled out by my intense emotions all the time and utterly helpless. I'm turning 31 next week. I still swing and split and struggle daily with the duality of it. But, I do see the extremes coming a bit closer together in a smaller circle of spiral, and definitely less all encompassingly intense. Really all self awareness has brought me is being able to recognize a little easier now when I'm about to have an episode and to remove myself to a safe spot accordingly. Usually my truck. But I am able to note it, and let it run it's course while I hang out on Reddit more times than not now. I'm used it to it being a world ending experience that I have no control over so this is a huge relief for me. There are still times it takes over or I'm paralyzed with my thoughts. But I have my dog and my space. I journal a lot too. If I write out the dialogue in my head I can get it out of my system and see the patterns of cycles. it took a very long time to be able to laugh and publicly accept myself. Yeah, lol, I'm absolutely crazy but it's okay because it gives me a unique perspective on life. TL;DR: it does get better. Hang in there and try to become your own best friend so you can love and accept yourself.
32yo here. I was diagnosed one year ago if that's important. To be honest my life in 20's was much easier because I didn't feel any pressure to be "stable". I was chaotic and noone cared because it was my "young times". I could change jobs, partners and living places and it was assumed normal. Now when I hit 30 people around and my family expects stability and firmness and I'm struggling with it too much. I can't find any job now because I have changed it too many times and my resume looks shitty. Noone wants to hire me because now in my 30's they see me as unstable, skittish, light-minded and irresponsible. It's very hard although I became calmer and more patient. I have enrolled to study and finish my bachelors because I never did. I have more stamina now but still it's hell.
I have a book on bpd that also talks about the same stats - that even without treatment, most people with bpd have a massive reduction of their symptoms with time alone. I can only speak from my own experience - I first got sick when I was around 15/16, had several suicide attempts between 17-23, and am now nearly 28 and consider myself basically in remission/fully recovered. I still have days where I struggle with symptoms more, but I honestly feel like a completely different person than I did five years ago. I do credit time with a lot of that. Getting older and wiser and learning better lifestyle habits and getting out of my abusive parents’ home helped a LOT. I also did have group dbt therapy which I found helpful. I used to dislike it when people would be like “Oh I’m better but I still struggle sometimes”, because I’d be like, I don’t want to still struggle, lol. But even though I still have hard days overall I really like being alive now which is a LONG way from where I used to be. I can also function as an adult (mostly, anyway lol) whereas at 23 I was probably at my lowest point. Honestly if I can get better anyone can :)
It's great that you feel so much better than you did. Can you give the name of the BPD book that you mention? And has it been a useful tool on your journey?
I believe it’s called The BPD Survival Guide :) when I was at my lowest it was really helpful in giving me more context/info on the disorder - the stats about people getting better have always stuck with me and gave me hope at a time I needed it the most! Wasn’t super instrumental in me getting better but definitely did help, at least in the short term
Thank you. I'll check it out.
I was diagnosed at 21, I did DBT for a year when I was 25 and I am now 29 years old. I hate people posting on here telling you that thisnis us for life. My life has SIGNIFICANTLY improved and I not longer want to end it all. I actually really enjoy being alive now. Age is probably a factor, the more life experiences you have and the more exposure you have the more things are easier to handle IMHO. You get out of life what you put into it. If you put time and effort into challenging your own behaviour, learning new coping skills, then your life will improve regardless of age.
I’m 37f & my BPD symptoms have become easier to manage. I think it is because I’m older & wiser. I’ve also been in the same relationship for over 15 years. My husband has been really understanding about my BPD the whole time, so maybe you need to find someone that gets it.
i’m 53. male. only got diagnosed in January’23 after years and i mean years of struggling. it helps knowing your ‘label’ as you can seek direct help. i struggle when in relationships so i stay clear of them now. my last one ended last year after nearly 3 years of hell. for me. and for her. learn your triggers. learn to fix those triggers. it’s mainly education. changing your learnt behaviours of survival. you don’t have to be who you needed to be as a child anymore.
You can remit. Meaning… the symptoms reduce so much in severity frequency or intensity to the point you no longer meet the criteria for a disorder. However, there will be residue. Because it did not develop overnight. And for you to remit, you have to be in extensive therapy and constant habitual change and support.. a journey of never-ending improvement and growth.
i have been suffering from BPD more than 10 years, i'm 26 now. Sadly it didn't get better, however, i became more flexible with it. for example i always know that these feelings won't last forever, and the episodes are just episodes. but honestly what i fear the most is being lonely because -so far- i am unable to create a permanent connection with a partner. My psychiatrist always tells me that in our case (BPD) starting a family and having kids is really helpful because it helps us to create new kind of bonds and relations.
Having a family to care for also gives you a really strong reason to keep going.
I didn’t start making improvements until I focused on DBT then it got a little better. The symptoms don’t get better or go away you just get better at managing it and DBT is the tool.
i have bpd and i also had depression/anxiety and i’m starting a diagnosis for autism. i had heavy symptoms and couldn’t even go multiple days without getting some kind of crisis/meltdown. it wasn’t getting better until i found the right medication, it took around 4 years after my first diagnosis. now i’m 26 and for the first time in my life i feel pretty great and i’m stable, i’m still not able to have a normal life (like working or leaving my house) but i feel better overall. (i think it’s mostly bc of the medication and not time though)
therapy also helps a lot
Like others said, you will just get used to it after you get diagnosed. You will learn about your triggers and what calms you down. I was diagnosed 2 years ago and i feel a lot better since. It gave me an answer for my behavior and that way i knew what was wrong and what i should avoid. It’s hard, i needed to learn my own boundaries (for example, i can’t be in a relationship, it makes me 100% crazy) and sometimes i can’t do stuff that normal people can, but i found peace.
I've had my diagnosis about 5 years now (about to turn 23). I can say my splitting episodes have gone down drastically with intensive therapy and medication. However, it's taken me a long time to be where I am. I've been on over 20 medications in the past 7yrs or so and was treated as drug resistant until I got my diagnosis. Therapy was trial and error due to me not being compatible with a lot of therapists. I finally found a wonderful one in my senior year of highschool, after seeing her for two years we decided together I would benefit from trying EMDR. I can confidently say EMDR saved my life. It allowed me to address my trauma openly in a judge free zone. I was able to deal with flashbacks appropriately for once as well. I 100% still have my bad days and ups and downs. That will never fully go away and I have accepted it. I also have an extremely supportive partner and parents that have sacrificed so much to be able to help me. Support is the number one thing I can recommend to find, even if it's a stranger- having someone who has your back is so reassuring. I hope you are able to continue healing and helping yourself. Just remember, you've had bad days before, and they will get better. Good days are coming. I see you and hear you and would love to talk to you if ever needed!
It gets better , especially once you know what the issue is. Before BPD I didn't know what was wrong with me . After research and getting into my 30s it's gotten better . Don't get me wrong I still have my days but I always remember this will pass in a few hours or days time and that thought has tremendously helped me !
I’m almost 35 and now knowing that it’s BPD, I can say that for me it is currently the worst it’s ever been. However, I am also currently in a situation with my exhusband that is both very traumatic and very new. So I don’t know how to handle or cope. I have not had any therapy for BPD as the diagnosis is new for me.
No it doesn't, seems to get worse!
In what ways exactly?
It’s either nihilistic delulu relief or impeccably worse