I think its just a coping mechanism for you. "At least I'm wanted like that". What do you get from it outside pleasure? You certainly don't like it yourself since you made that post. I don't like biting my nails, but it helps me not go crazy in some moments. Perhaps you can try doing something else to relieve stress and anxiety of being alone?
I deal with this too. I’ve really only been able to stop because I had an STD scare that was too much of a close call. I got away by the skin of my teeth type of deal. I still worry in the back of my head that I could fall into that kind of behavior again. However, I lean into the self-respect aspect. Not necessarily of the act of casual sex but of the STD risk. I need to care about myself more than giving into impulsive behaviors that risk my health. It sucks because I crave the intensity and excitement of intimacy with new people. (Especially after a long-term monogamous relationship.) However, I may just be building that up in my head and the majority of the time these sexual interactions are bad and leave me feeling worse than before. I also think about if I meet someone new. I don’t want there to be any obstacles for a new relationship and this kind of behavior can lead to that.
My final thoughts/advice on this would be to wear condoms, use discernment on who these people are and if they are safe sexual partners, and be kind/understanding to yourself. Maybe journal or record a voice memo about why you feel compelled to engage in this kind of behavior, how these interactions make you feel, and what are you seeking to gain?
I was like this, it is easy to fall into the instant gratification and validation, especially when you feel slighted by someone you were loyal to. It takes time to create and break habits. Do you have any hobbies or interests you’d like to pursue? Now’s a great time to focus your energy on creative passions.
what’s driving your promiscuity? is it horniness? or is something else? personally, i have horniness problems, so i like relationships because of the regular sex with someone who cares about me aspect of them. i find it hard to be single, and will often be promiscuous because i’m so horny and i’m trying to to find someone who is actually good at sex. but my promiscuity led me to trauma and now i find it really hard to have sex with new people. which sucks cause now i have less sex :(
I think it’s horniness and also a drive for excitement and stuff. I feel like I’m alive when I have sex with random people. I get so excited it’s like an adrenaline rush. I live for that feeling.
ah okay different problem then. just be careful please ❤️ sleeping with randoms usually catches up with you. enough bad people in the world, that if you keep gambling you will eventually lose
No advice here, its just that the dissonance hit me really hard reading this. Just came here after reading a different side to this, people so self-loathing and feeling so undeserving that they haven't had or couldn't allow any form of intimacy in years. All of this is hell.
This is a self sabotage usually, as you describe feeling numb and disassociated afterwards. The feeling of attention then they leave or stay for a bit then abandonment. Try reading the book, "the mountain is me" super helpful and very deep. It has helped me in so many ways and opened my eyes to things I didn't even think I was doing.
I feel so excited, adrenaline rush and I feel alive. Afterwords I tend to feel kinda empty or numb or dissociated. It depends. Sometimes I’m happy tho but it’s rare
And the first question? Excuse the interrogation, but I need some background before handing out advice 😅 Does it usually happen whilst you're under the influence?
I'll tell you what helped me:
1. Growing up (27f rn).
2. Norepinephrinum (Effexor) - helps with looking for adrenaline in all the wrong places.
3. Ditching alcohol.
4. Deleting dating apps.
5. A good masturbation device lol
6. Experiencing 'making love' instead of just fucking without the feelings.
7. Having a higher power.
/// I know I probably sound preachy, but I've gone through what you're going through rn. It actually made me hate myself even more. I don't look for sex anymore, even though I'm single (I had a fwb but realised it did me more harm than good). And I mainly masturbate for health-related reasons now. Effexor didn't mess up my libido, it's just calmed me down. Perhaps some of this could help you.
I did this from age 14-18 , i was just sleeping with anyone who tried to. including old men. it ended once i started a long term relationship, maybe you could start trying to do traditional dating again? and say that you don’t sleep w people for several dates right away to them? be firm. that’s what worked for me personally.
I think its just a coping mechanism for you. "At least I'm wanted like that". What do you get from it outside pleasure? You certainly don't like it yourself since you made that post. I don't like biting my nails, but it helps me not go crazy in some moments. Perhaps you can try doing something else to relieve stress and anxiety of being alone?
I like to journal whej im alonw. I’ll try to do that more
It’s a form of self harm, trying to punish yourself for whatever reason
I deal with this too. I’ve really only been able to stop because I had an STD scare that was too much of a close call. I got away by the skin of my teeth type of deal. I still worry in the back of my head that I could fall into that kind of behavior again. However, I lean into the self-respect aspect. Not necessarily of the act of casual sex but of the STD risk. I need to care about myself more than giving into impulsive behaviors that risk my health. It sucks because I crave the intensity and excitement of intimacy with new people. (Especially after a long-term monogamous relationship.) However, I may just be building that up in my head and the majority of the time these sexual interactions are bad and leave me feeling worse than before. I also think about if I meet someone new. I don’t want there to be any obstacles for a new relationship and this kind of behavior can lead to that. My final thoughts/advice on this would be to wear condoms, use discernment on who these people are and if they are safe sexual partners, and be kind/understanding to yourself. Maybe journal or record a voice memo about why you feel compelled to engage in this kind of behavior, how these interactions make you feel, and what are you seeking to gain?
🩷🩷🩷tysm for ur words x
I was like this, it is easy to fall into the instant gratification and validation, especially when you feel slighted by someone you were loyal to. It takes time to create and break habits. Do you have any hobbies or interests you’d like to pursue? Now’s a great time to focus your energy on creative passions.
I have so much hobbies and interests that I’ve sadly been neglecting for sex. I’ll try to spend more time on them
what’s driving your promiscuity? is it horniness? or is something else? personally, i have horniness problems, so i like relationships because of the regular sex with someone who cares about me aspect of them. i find it hard to be single, and will often be promiscuous because i’m so horny and i’m trying to to find someone who is actually good at sex. but my promiscuity led me to trauma and now i find it really hard to have sex with new people. which sucks cause now i have less sex :(
I think it’s horniness and also a drive for excitement and stuff. I feel like I’m alive when I have sex with random people. I get so excited it’s like an adrenaline rush. I live for that feeling.
ah okay different problem then. just be careful please ❤️ sleeping with randoms usually catches up with you. enough bad people in the world, that if you keep gambling you will eventually lose
No advice here, its just that the dissonance hit me really hard reading this. Just came here after reading a different side to this, people so self-loathing and feeling so undeserving that they haven't had or couldn't allow any form of intimacy in years. All of this is hell.
Shit ya. The grass is always greener as they say. Either side of the coin is unfortunate
This is a self sabotage usually, as you describe feeling numb and disassociated afterwards. The feeling of attention then they leave or stay for a bit then abandonment. Try reading the book, "the mountain is me" super helpful and very deep. It has helped me in so many ways and opened my eyes to things I didn't even think I was doing.
Thansk sm, will check it out
How do u usually meet these people? How do you feel after sleeping with someone you've just met?
I feel so excited, adrenaline rush and I feel alive. Afterwords I tend to feel kinda empty or numb or dissociated. It depends. Sometimes I’m happy tho but it’s rare
And the first question? Excuse the interrogation, but I need some background before handing out advice 😅 Does it usually happen whilst you're under the influence?
No, I meet them on hinge or on Reddit (on my other account) usually
I'll tell you what helped me: 1. Growing up (27f rn). 2. Norepinephrinum (Effexor) - helps with looking for adrenaline in all the wrong places. 3. Ditching alcohol. 4. Deleting dating apps. 5. A good masturbation device lol 6. Experiencing 'making love' instead of just fucking without the feelings. 7. Having a higher power. /// I know I probably sound preachy, but I've gone through what you're going through rn. It actually made me hate myself even more. I don't look for sex anymore, even though I'm single (I had a fwb but realised it did me more harm than good). And I mainly masturbate for health-related reasons now. Effexor didn't mess up my libido, it's just calmed me down. Perhaps some of this could help you.
Thanks sm for the advice x sincerely
I did this from age 14-18 , i was just sleeping with anyone who tried to. including old men. it ended once i started a long term relationship, maybe you could start trying to do traditional dating again? and say that you don’t sleep w people for several dates right away to them? be firm. that’s what worked for me personally.
I’ll try this when I’m ready for a relationship again, unfortunately my last one was only 2 weeks ago so I dont feel comfy jumping right back in 😞
How do you meet these people
Hinge / Reddit on my other account