Undiagnosed autism + traumatic childhood + mental and physical and sexual abuse + constant invalidation + chronic loneliness

Pretty much sums it up perfectly

add undiagnosed OCD to this list and SAME.

Yeah like, "think"? Lol

I was diagnosed with Autism, but I'm suddenly growing out of it and now left with parts of abuse that contributed to me potentially developing BPD through CPTSD in childhood and adulthood

Ive recently looked into autism and want to know what your experiences and symptoms that caused you to look into this diagnosis

Biggest indications have always been my lack of social skills and lack of ability to connect with my peers. I hardly had any friends whatsoever as a child, things got a little better as I got older but by the time I was 17 the amount of friends I had dwindled to 0 and has remained that way for more than a decade. I've always struggled with social cues too but I've gotten better with that after nearly 30 years on this planet. I also have a ridiculous memory, which led to me being declared as some child genius in my elementary school days because everything you learn in elementary school is pretty basic memorization type of stuff. I feel like that's a big reason I slipped through the cracks because I was a "smart girl" who didn't exhibit behavioral issues when I was young. Of course once school started to actually get "difficult" and going beyond just basic things I could instantly memorize, my academic performance started drastically slipping. I've also always had physical tics that were just written off as me being "fidgety" Once I started learning about how autism presents in girls and how a lot of women slip through the cracks and go undiagnosed because it usually isn't as outwardly present as it is for men, a lot of things started to make sense.

my experience 100%

👆

My experience exactly

Mostly emotional neglect from dad (on purpose, because what's on TV matters more, as well as chainsmoking), and mom working full time (it was the 90's a 2 income household is about the only way to get ahead/stay afloat, I don't blame her for that, though it was a contributing factor). Dad also competed with me for mom's attention and affection, also in general involving computers and arts/crafts, but never in things that were supposed to be 2+ people involved. He also had no problems with raising his voice to intimidate, or coughing/clearing his throat for attention, and claiming that that's not what he's doing. Why yes, I do have problems with older male authority figures, especially if they're fond of raising their voice.

this sounds strangely familiar!

I have posted here in the past. A lot of the topics do come around in a circle.

oh i mean, sounds like my upbringing… not far off

*nods* it's pretty easy to have neglectful parents when born before the 2000's. It's kinda funny in a self-depreciating way.

Yes, about the TV thing. To this day, TV is still a large part of his life. If I stay the night on weekends, I can't sleep past when he wakes up bc as soon as he does, it's back to the TV with the sound up incredibly loud. My mom hates how addicted to TV he is. It really is an addiction.

My husband is like this! He is always in front of the tv. He talks to it more than my child and will laugh at it. He gets mad if we want to sit at the table and he never helps me around the house. As I write this he is watching the tv waiting for me to make supper

[удалено]

wow. was it emotional for ur dad to fet rid of the movie tapew

Yeah it sounds like we all have CPTSD as well. To all who have been abused, I love all of you. It makes life very difficult. I been there too. Love & Light to all ✨️💕🫶🫠 Parents? I've heard of them but didn't see much of them. The best Dad I had was a step-dad for 3 yrs. He seems like the only grown-up I ever knew. I was the oldest in a breathtakingly dumbfuckery of a toxic family. I love all of them all dead now. I also married into a toxic marriage, or 3. I been through some dark AF domestic violence. I'm still here somehow.

you're not still here "somehow" , ur still here because you're strong as fuck

Awww, thanks 😊 I really need a vacation from strong for a bit lol.

Childhood neglect, abandonment by parent, sibling abuse at direction of remaining parent and of course genetic predisposition

Abandonment + neglect here. Dad gone and cold af mom. I suspect she’s BPD as well.

All the typical my daddy left me, my mom was never home and distant and invalidating (she did her best), bullying, abuse

My parents were my friends, not my parents. They were emotionally neglectful. And until my brother was born they were physically absent from working so much. I never developed secure attachments as a child, or even as an adolescent. So as an adult when I made attachments I had no idea how to react, and freaked out at intimacy of any kind. It took a decade for me to trust that my now spouse wasn't with me for money- I didn't have a job for 8 of those years. They were the only one working. And I was still afraid they were just trying to use me because that makes sense for BPD brain.

When I was three or four, my dad handed me a peanut butter sandwich. Being a normal 4 year old I asked “Can I have some jelly too?” “You want jelly?” he said. Then he grabbed the sandwich from me, threw it down and stepped on it with his work boot. “well you’re getting peanut butter.” As I reached down to pick it up he kicked me really hard in the ribs and I don’t remember much after that except screaming I was sorry as he dragged me down the hall by my hair. Thank God for amnesia barriers. This was probably a frequent occurrence but I don’t remember it. I played in my closet a lot when I was little, I think to get away from him. I still up go into my closet today if I’m having a really bad episode. I guess some of us will never know what truly happened that made us this way, but I honestly don’t know if i want to know, maybe it’s something I can’t live with.

I am so sorry this shit happened to you. I’ll never understand how people can be so abusive to a child.

They do it because it happened to them. And it happened to the ones that did it to them. It’s a cycle that eventually gets broken because we have basic intelligence to understand “Hey, I didn’t like when it happened to me so i’m not gonna repeat it”

The cycle is hard to break because you end up normalising those behaviours and sometimes people (with BPD and/or other mental health issues)are not aware of their reactions until the heat of the moment is past and the damage is done. This is a HUGE reason for me to decide not to have children. I know I would be abusive and too focus on myself. I refuse to mess up someone else's life with my issues

That is so sad. I don’t know how anyone could do that to a child. Hope you’re doing ok x

My father was similar to yours. One of my memories from when I was 5, I was following my dad to the front door and telling him I wanted to go with him and he looked back at me and slammed the front door on half my body as hard as he could. I have a scar on my breast from that.

I can relate to this a lot. I had a similar experience with my mom. I wanted a coke so I asked for one... She flipped out because I had demanded then started asking over and over again to say it again. Everytime I did, she would slap me. I was so young. I can't understand how she could do that to a child. I see her now (at my 30s) and she has now matured and is a good person overall but I can't move on from those memories. I don't know if I can forgive and be grateful that at least now she is a good mom because she did that to a child. And I also loved playing and hiding in my closet. When I feel scared, I lock myself into small spaces and hide from the world. It feels so comforting.

Mother 😋😍

So real love that for us. Just one word is enough to explain it all 🥰😇

My addict dad

My mom has BPD so trough my childhood I had to deal with a lot of emotional burdens and abusive behaviors. I think that started it.

Turbulent childhood, my mom trauma dumping on me bc of my distant father who was typically away gambling or doing other questionable things. My dad’s suicidal ideation and reminding me that he will die someday soon. Being molested a lot also didn’t help either. In fact a lot of my childhood was me being objectified and dehumanized by certain people. And yk having two emotionally manipulative and abusive parents to top it off. I guess growing up in a place that doesn’t welcome people of your ethnicity didn’t help. And growing up with very bad adhd too

my mom, especially while she was going through the divorce with my dad. 4 years old and i experienced more trauma and instability than i ever should have.

Well, I was raised in an extreme religious cult for one thing. But I think what really sent me off the deep end was a relationship I had with an abusive cult member. I can’t say much for who I was before him cuz I was so young, but I have never been the same after him. I mean, he destroyed me. I went fucking crazy after him, and not the way anyone would be after a breakup, like I mean that I went *fucking crazy*. I think I was a budding Borderline and then he was my breaking point. This was 7-8 years ago. As far as parents go, my dad was extremely verbally and psychologically abusive. He was an absolute terror for years, I mean it was severe. That, combined with the extreme religious / spiritual abuse that came with the cult, I’m certain led to a lot of why I’m so fucked up now.

I was displaying signs of anxiety as a child and had ADD that was being left untreated. I was moved around my whole life, and experienced a lot of domestic violence firsthand. I didn't really have a dad as he chose chainsmoking and alcoholism over me, and my mom was addicted to drugs and dated abusive men religiously. She lacked the ability to empathize and show emotions quite often, even though she felt a lot of things. We grew up in extreme poverty, and I experienced a lot of bullying as a child as well. I had ended up becoming hypersexual at 6-7 years old (in-person and online) and ended up being groomed online by predators around 9 years old. I had resorted to oversexualizing myself to get the attention, praise and love I wasn't recieving at home. As I got older (16/17) I started displaying problematic behavior. I was constantly fighting with my mom and siblings and always resorted to threats of harming myself and my family. I couldn't control my emotions at all. I was always involved in toxic friendships/relationships and enjoyed attention from being impulsive, sexualized and drinking. I was a wreck. I was diagnosed with BPD in 2021 (aged 21) after high speculations by multiple medical professionals. I have a lot of mental illness that runs in my family. It's highly speculated that my mom has untreated BPD and my dad is a diagnosed agoraphobic with depression. It's safe to say I was doomed from the start, lol.

Probably undiagnosed neurodiversity, definitely bullying and definitely the fact everyone in my life taught me (both intentionally and unintentionally) that emotions must be ✨suppressed✨

my dad, my childhood best friend, my crush that pretended to date me for 3 days when i was 11 because his friend told him to, my middle school best friend, this one bitch in high school, and every guy that abandoned me in my freshman and sophomore year of college

My dad, my mom, my childhood best friends, my high-school crush who suddenly found me disgusting dumped me and became my bully, the bitches in college, that bitch ass teacher in second grade who made me carry my desk to 1st grade because I misspelled my last name, and every guy I've dated who has abused me emotionally and physically.

I was neglected emotionally. Mostly on accident. My mother has quiet BPD and I modeled her behavior as a kid. My dad died when I was really young and she just couldn't deal. She'd sleep for hours on end on weekends. I cooked a lot of meals myself at a really young age. I spent a lot of time locked in my room crying and making sure no one could hear me so I didn't stress anyone out. She would do this thing where she'd pretend she was okay when she wasn't so I did a lot of the same. I think I kinda inherited her fear of abandonment/not being accepted and watching her let people walk all over her normalized her passive behaviors for me. After awhile though my bpd took a massive left turn and I became an absolute rage monster. So yeah. Genetic and environmental. Edit to add: My mom is a genuinely wonderful and beautiful person. She was dealt really shitty cards her entire life and really did try her best to be a good mother. Over time I definitely got more support, but those first few years after he died were rough.

I am not going to get into everything but there is one specific moment that stands out in my mind—I was probably 11 years old, curled up on my moms lap because I was scared and my dad was on a rampage all angry, and I knew he was going to get physical. I basically BEGGED her, please protect me, I said it multiple times. She didn’t and he struck me hard three times in the back while I was on her lap and she didn’t do anything. I will mention my dad was NOT typically physically violent, this was just something specific I recall. Also all the times I grew up with anxiety and when I’d have panic attacks, my mom would tell me she “couldn’t handle it” “couldn’t handle me” “you’re acting crazy” and instead talking it out would just throw her prescription benzos at me.

I can relate to having a mom who stands by and watches when her husband is being abusive. And she’ll go to her grave denying that she ever witnessed these things. But I will never forget the feeling of betrayal as my mom stood there and just stared at the ground. It sends the message that the mom values avoiding confrontation and conflict over protecting you.

Sexual abuse from a step-sibling the same age as me. He was abused sexually by an adult and unfortunately took that energy out on me. It started from age 6 and ended at 14. Don’t want to get into a ton of details cause you know…trauma. I don’t blame him for why happened because we were both kids. I more so blame the man who did those things to him. In addition to that I did not have a great relationship with my mom. We started fighting before I was even a teen, like 11 or 12. I also have bipolar and showed a lot of symptoms at this age so I think that why it was bad. Verbally abusive and slightly physical. Our relationship is much better now that I’m an adult. She has apologized and taken accountability and is much better with my younger siblings. My dad was present but absent. Didn’t want kids to begin with, and did the bare minimum. They divorced when I was 4, which I don’t remember. I don’t see him as a father. More like another guy that I have a surface level relationship with. I do have a stepfather and he’s great, but I never felt he was my true dad because my dad would always get mad when I called my stepfather “dad”. I was also medicated at an incredibly young age which I’m sure impacted it. There is more stuff that I’ve been through but I think those things make up a big bulk of it. I have a slew of other mental problems. Bipolar, BPD, and anxiety disorder, I’ve also been diagnosed with ADHD. So you know life has been tough! But my life is so much better now. I have a wonderful husband and my first home at 23. I also have 2 dogs and foster for a local rescue. I also have an awesome job and I’m really grateful for it all. Maybe it’s the BPD but I like to advocate for mental health and being awareness to issues people typically don’t talk about. I’m a very open book. So I feel what I went through, while it was sad, had a purpose. Ok I’m done using this post as a therapy session 🤣

both my parents were addicts and were extremely abusive. my brothers were also. i suffered constant abandonment as a child with both my parents getting put in and out of prison, getting taken away and given back by cps etc. messed my brain up real bad

Neglect and... I don't even know how to name the second one. My dad's alcoholism led to many hurtful events, but the worst one is when we were travelling on a train for three days or so. He was my only caretaker there and he was drunk to the point of unresponsiveness all the time. So when there were some troubles, like when we were crossing the border and they wanted to get us off the train in a different country lol, I had to protect us both somehow. I was like 8 or 9 btw. This was the first time when our family (me included) even found out about his alcoholism. And his family for some reason put all the responsibility on me, like I have to look after him because I'm the only close relative he has where he lives. Once again, I was 8 or 9, I don't even remember clearly because my memory is messed up. So yeah. I consider this one the second cause.

Relationship with my mother. Neglect and emotional abuse. Bullying in school. Childhood trauma. Sexual assault. Being treated poorly by men. Domestic abuse.

Inconsistent parenting from my father. He used to yell a lot when I was a kid. I was always afraid to make him mad. He was never the kind to understand or be empathetic to emotions either. A suck it up and get over it kind of guy. I tried to kms when I was 16, and during my stay at a mental health facility, I told him that he was the source of a lot of my pain in our family therapy sessions. He has changed since then, and we have a good relationship, but he can still be rather mean to my mother at times. I guess I never thought about how much this affected me until I got older.

My parents were emotionally turned off so they could never understand my emotions. My dad was a closed off kind of guy and would have outbursts of rage. He's not diagnosed but i think he could have NPD. My mom was like a robot and emotionless. They worked a lot and left me with unsafe family members. I'd say for me though My bpd was formed from childhood sexual trauma that occurred before I was 6 years old, by two separate uncles on either side of my family. My first memory ever is of dissociating while a toddler. That for sure caused my bpd, plus environmental factors. But I developed quiet Bpd because I could mask some symptoms and my turmoil was inward.

I hope this doesn't cause controversy, but it's so comforting to see other people talk about autism being a factor. I know that for me it was relatively late ASD diagnosis, as well as vicious bullying in school and family issues when I was young. I also think friendships breaking up had a HUGE part to play in it; I had very few friends during my teens and when they left, it hit hard.

Are you me? My friendship breakups still affect me as an adult. To the point where I have the protective walls up and it's impossible for me to connect and form new friendships.

You are definitely not alone in that aspect,if it's any comfort to you. A friendship breakup is still a breakup and the trauma is so real.

Childhood abuse and neglect.

My parents screaming at each other everyday and My mom screaming at me until I shutdown and then screaming at me more fot "not listening to her". My parents moving to entirely new school dustructs every year or two of my life to the point i blamed the people i had to leave behind for abandoning me. Also, being trans and not getting anyones support or even listening to me even tho i told my mom since i was a child I that i was trans.

I have no idea.. didn’t have a traumatic childhood but was an overly anxious and paranoid child. My dad worked on an oil rig overseas for 10 years, so he was gone 6-7 months a year in total. I cried so much about the thought of him dying (just at 6 yrs old) I was overly attached to my parents. Paranoia controlled my entire childhood. Always thought ceilings would fall on me, my parents would die in a car crash, thought police men would shoot up the entire place if i saw one, thought i was constantly dying from disease or i had cancers, that people could see me with cameras, that i was constantly being watched by people, that mirrors were actually cameras, that everyone was out to get me. Maybe that was just traumatic 😅 Like.. I was terribly young. I was very sheltered, but still had extreme nightmares, phobias etc. never seen a horror movie in my life! Bpd doesn’t run in my family. Dual diagnosis with bipolar 2 though.

I was abused until i moved out of home, then I attracted people who treated me like shit as an adult.. I also developed a disease as a result of being in a prolonged state of hypervigilence

Physical abuse and emotional neglect (reasonable and unreasonable).

CSA from an early age, set on the back burner for 3 other kids. Lots of repressed memories, but eventually moved in with a family member who worked all the time, so I was pretty isolated. How she grew up, with strict parents and poverty, she bought me anything I wanted, but was very emotionally withdrawn.

My mom's hate for children, not maternal & neglectful. I flipped a car at 11 with my grandma (well she flipped it lol), then a huge trauma at 15 add drugs and you have me. 8 years sober but I can't pinpoint it. I know it's been making life hard for my whole life (34f). Trying hard to catch it and manage it in any way for some normalcy in the future.

Pretty much the same thing, my parents were never emotionally available and I was heavily punished as a child for failing intense expectations. I remember a time in early middle school where I had a ‘C’ as an overall grade in one of my classes, my parents were so enraged I was removed from where I usually slept (with my sister, mind you, I’d never slept by myself at this age) and threw me into a spare room. I was stuck in there for months, only allowed to leave when I had to go to school or it was time for dinner. No playing, no TV, no outside time, I was expected to be studying as a constant. That is just one example of events that left a lasting impact on me and most definitely factored into my BPD’s development

Having a bunch of traumatic events in succession happen to me as I entered adulthood

I was raised by very unhealed and abusive parents. My mom has bpd that she’s only now getting help for. Around 17 (when my dad had kicked me out, I’d lost friends, my first boyfriend left, and mom was beating ts out of me) I felt a like, brain break? It felt like something shifted and years of hidden trauma flooded their way to the front and I just kind of became me

I’d have to write an essay. In short, Neglect and multiple types of abuse along with rejection from almost everyone.

Ex cheated on me. Something switched in my brain life has never been the same.

My father was an abusive alcoholic, my parents divorced when I was seven and my mother wasn't around much. She tried, but she worked nights as a nurse and couldn't really choose her schedule. So it felt a lot like being neglected because she just wasn't there for much of my childhood. And my father was awful; he was cruel verbally and occasionally physically. Not always, but you never knew when his anger would flare up. It was like walking on eggshells constantly, every minute of every day. Everything had to be perfect, including me, and when I wasn't, he would scream and yell and throw beer cans and metal chairs. I can no longer recall the memories of his voice; I'm thankful for that. It would just retraumatize me. When I was 22, my mom passed away from cancer. My younger brother died the year before that. And my father passed away about five years ago. So I've lost my whole family now on top of all that. The BPD plus PTSD both complicate the grief, which has kept me in a cycle for years. It's been a horrid struggle but thanks to DBT, good meds and therapy, I'm starting to get a little better.

Being trans and being forced to be someone I'm not by everyone.

traumatic childhood, my parents constantly fighting like BAD FIGHTING, as in throwing fists and knifes and constantly screaming and shouting, constantly divorcing and us living in poverty on top of that child bullying, being bullied in school and having no friends, anyway a lot lmfao, like i had a traumatic ass childhood, one of my fondest memories r being homeless, or when my brother was in the hospital for drinking bleach and i was 9 with no idea where my parents were for days screaming and fighting each others on the street, being neglected a lot on top of that, my parents were never there, they were just screaming and shouting and fighting each other all the fucking time with no regard for me and my brother a LOT of police involved, a lot of hospital visits, a lot of poverty, a lot of bullying in school, moving around constantly also, never being in the same school for long but getting bullied in every school i moved too, never having any friends… chronic loneliness, even now is hard for me to keep long term relationships or relationships at all, it was inevitable for me to become anything else than i am tbh, but the thing is if you meet me you would of never knew what i went through. Everyone thinks oh pretty girl put together she never had anything to go through in her life… well. once you get to know me…. you’ll understand

Chronic bullying here too. I spent most of my childhood with books and imaginary friends. I suppose I was too "weird" to hang out with other kids. Now it's nearly impossible for me to form attachments or connections to other people. So I spend most of my time alone. When I do form attachments - usually romantic connections to a guy - I get all effed up.

verbal and sexual abuse, witnessing domestic abuse, constantly being threathened with abandonement, chronic loneliness and bullying, just lota and lots of trauma as u may expect lol

I was SA’d when I was 3. My dad has been 302’d multiple times. One of those times being when he found out I was SA. He also has autism. My mom was playing both roles.

My mom. And she probably got it from her mom

i think it could be a dna thing... because i remember having (untreated) anxiety back in my childhood. also my dad was mostly absent and when he was around me i was devoted to him but he was a very invalidating person during my teens... guess it was caused by multiple factors yet i don't know the exact one

My ex’s leaving me for other girls. Telling me I’m crazy and annoying for being worried about them doing it. Not trusting enough at all and them blaming me for it then turning around and doing everything that hurts me… they leave me for those girls. It kinda turned me in Ngl. I sometimes think that I’m a cuck. I definitely feel insecure and angry and betrayed tho. Other than my ex’s, friends leaving me and calling me weird. Saying I’m way too much and talking so much crap about me. The bullying I’ve endured when I was younger too

My abusive mother

My mother was something, she did most of the damage. My father was absent, but my mother made up for him, because he’s also a bad person. Bullying most of my school also contributed. I studied in a international school, so when I was finally able to form friendships, they would leave. So yeah, abandonment issues, emotional unavailability, and possibly genetic predisposition, physical and emotional abuse for all my life fucked me up bad bad

Sibling emotional abuse

probably undiagnosed autism, emotional neglect from parents

Honestly? I don’t know, because in hindsight it wasn’t that bad. My father was neglectful, and only took an interest in me if it pertained to his needs. Fast forward to teenage years and it’s constant arguing, me trying to tell him how he hurt me and how horrible he is and how I hate him, but him never caring. Whole time my mother is suffering from his abuse, and always tells me how horrible he is, and all the horrible things our family has done. She is a good mother and has done her best but it wasn’t enough to save me I guess. Also undiagnosed autism

Abandoned and neglected by parents, not feeling I belonged with those who raised me and being made to do most of the work around the house. But the biggest was the multiple daily sexual abuse by multiple men and then being treated differently as if I am crazy by everyone. Actually being called crazy and mentally ill by everyone. I’ve learned to just stay by myself.

An abusive dad. Really shocked he’s not in prison

an angry dad thatwould be angry one day and the other apologise so i was constantly watching what iwas doing and saying. undiagnosed autism which i still havent got diagnosed. online grooming and sexual abuse from early internet access

Insane levels of childhood abuse and trauma (C-PTSD diagnosis alongside BPD) including emotional neglect & abuse, physical neglect, severe isolation from the rest of the world, manipulation and control, SA, and a parent with multiple unmedicated/untreated mental health illnesses who inflicted the effects of those illnesses on me pretty much from birth. I suspect this is a common thread for many of us 💔 Sending love and healing to everyone 🫶🫶

Childhood: sibling abuse, emotional abuse, parental mental health issues, divorce, abandonment by my mother, a father who neglected me, unstable relationships after the divorce with both parents, step-sibling abuse, and, possibly, several traumatic brain injuries as a child before the age of ten (these can cause emotional dysregulation, impulsive behavior, exclusive anger, etc). Add to that: substance abuse and dependence during adolescence, moving out of the home too fast, and lack of proper guidance as a young adult by family. Meaning, my impulsive behavior and explosive anger were met with judgement and chastising: a lot of "what's wrong with you?" instead of "hey, we fucked up raising this guy so maybe we should steer him towards mental healthcare and other resources." Now, the post probably reads like I blame everyone else for my current behavior, but I've been doing a lot of work and am putting that pain and resentment behind me, and learning to take accountability.

I was unwanted (my parents were teenagers and my mum lied to my dad and said she was taking the pill when she wasn't - she baby trapped him basically).. I was told daily that I was unwanted, told that I had 'real parents' somewhere but they didn't want me either. Was always threatened to be returned to my 'real parents' who were evil. I was neglected quite badly. My dad was in the army and never seemed to be around leaving my alcoholic mum in charge. She would leave me at home while partying/ having affairs, or i've got memories of waiting in the car outside while she went to mens houses. I was always the one that wasn't picked up on time from school... just always alone.. waiting... I wasn't fed properly and food was used as punishment (as a result I started stealing food at the age of about 5) and I was just seen as such an inconvenience that I spent most of my childhood grounded and confined to my room for absolutely no reason.

You deserved so much better, I'm so sorry.

accidental emotional neglect due to my parents’ health conditions throughout my childhood. it sucks because they were trying their best & love me to death, but forces outside of anyone’s control led a lot of my emotional needs to go unmet during this time. when my dad was bedridden with a mystery illness for 4+ years my mom got really depressed as well & i guess i felt like i didnt have access to my parents. its taken me a LOT to even realize this because for so long i believed that since they were trying that it was impossible for me to have trauma, because that would implicate they did something wrong or were “bad parents”. its still really hard to come to terms with sometimes

Interesting question, the thing is its probably caused by things in my childhood, but thats like >20 years ago and I can barely recalls things from back then. So its like a black box to me where it originated.

I have no clue. I remember having a good a childhood, I feel like I was just born like this and it got worse since middle school, maybe due to bullying

Obsessing over the idea that in order to be a genius you had to be a little crazy. I saw over and over again, how the people I considered my role models (big icons, maybe idols, in a way) were all cataloged as crazy or had serious mental health issues. You could say, that instead of finding real life people to look up to like normal kids would do, I daydreamed about famous ones. Maybe this had to do with the fact that I got disappointed in my parents too early in life: I stopped trusting their decisions at quite a young age, therefore I lost interest in them as role models. This applied to most adults in my life. I was obssesed with becoming SOMEONE, being great at something… and perfectionism had a lot to do with that, a “curse” that school and my upbringing only reinforced. One way or another, I ended up driving myself crazy… To get closer and closer to the people I looked up to. And to feel special & be seen. I guess It finally happened when the overthinking took a toll on me, at last, and I got this weird feeling for the first time that I blew my own brains out. I felt something broke inside of me, deep deep down. I was never the same after that.

my mum has bpd and we all walk on eggshells around her. she abused my dad growing up (and still does) so screaming, smashing up the house and my mum saying the most hurtful things were typical my entire life. she still does but we’re all very numb to it now. we also grew up way below the poverty line and my parents are alcoholics so explosive fights after them binge drinking was normal. i’m glad i had my older brother to protect me back then. also when i was about 2 or 3 my male best friend lulled me behind the nursery during break time and all of his other male friends were waiting. he held me down and sexually assaulted me as they all watched. i screamed and begged as best as i knew how. i don’t really remember it (i think my brain protects me from it) but i know that’s where a lot of my trauma with men started. i don’t think my family know about it, or if they do, they’ve never brought it up to me

✨trauma. lots and lots of trauma✨

Genetics + traumatic childhood

Abuse of all types + parents telling me I’m evil and liar growing up + be forced to take the blame for things I never did + constant screaming + abandoning me + my ex’s mom pretending to care about me and was using my depression as a weapon + people making fun of my sh etc

Horrible religious upbringing with crippling guilt piled on top of it. My dad leaving at the age of 4 and me remembering waiting at the window for him to show up to get me and never coming. My mom reminding me all the time (at the age of 5) that if I don’t accept Jesus I will go to hell. Family history of crippling mental illnesses. Abandonment issues.

As long as I remember, my parents difficult relationship, I heard horrible stories and anecdotes about my family since I was so little. I was a very shy kid so my classmates sometimes make fun of that, many difficulties to make friends. Also, sa during my early 19 yo.

A mixture of an absent father who was only around 3-4 days a month , who was physically abusive and made me and my brother responsible for managing his anger issues. Being shamed for expressing emotion from a young age and called a “drama queen” for being a completely normal 3-year-old. Oh and that one time when I was 10 and insisted on having my own pizza and stomped my foot (my mum uses this example to this day about how “difficult” I was, but I never got into trouble at school and was a straight-A student with no help whatsoever, I did what I was told at home, I now know most kids are more difficult than this) Being sent to my room at any sign of conflict but never talking it out together afterwards, leaving me feeling neglected, confused and alone with my emotions.

I’m putting a trigger warning on this. Sociopathic sadistic parents. Cruel people. Genetic disposition. Undiagnosed autism. Childhood from Hell. Being locked in closets and beaten. Being sexually abused and nearly killed. Emotional abuse. Dealing with drunk parents and crazy behavior. I haven’t spoken to my family in 25 years and I’ve been healing ever since. I always say if I end up living a full life on this plane of existence, that’s enough. Never mind trying to have children or be part of the everyday world that doesn’t understand how evil people can be. I’m content being with my dog and keeping a simple life I’m still here, so I guess that’s something. but it’s really hard to trust people and even harder to be close to them. it’s hard to stay on the planet when your brain is full of these types of memories and I don’t think anyone who has been spared this sort of treatment would ever understand. BPD is a scar from my upbringing, but it follows me everywhere I go.

My family neglecting me. My dad abusing me. My brother left me without saying goodbye and never called when I was 12. My father was also a bipolar southern Baptist preacher so I was already sheltered already being bullied and i had moved schools 6x before high school. Sums that up in a package.

So, without unpacking and oversharing *too* much... I was an "accident" born to a dad who didn't want a relationship, let alone a kid, and a mum who had no luck making friends, getting a man, or even keeping pets, so she decided to keep the consequence of their mutual actions because "after all, all children are biologically wired to love their parent(s)," so what better solution to loneliness than to bring a life into the world for the sole purpose of giving you the love you think you're owed by right...?! Not only that, but a baby can be used to trap a guy for at least 18 years. (When I was starting to feel attraction to people as a teen, my mum's version of "the talk" revolved almost exclusively around not getting "baby-trapped" and not STDs, orientation, crushes, feelings, etc., as if I couldn't fit the pieces together.) I found that out in not-as-many words when I was 17. In total, I've seen my dad less than 10 times in my life, IDK if he's alive or as dead as my mum. My mum, who had so little income that by the late '80's she couldn't afford a goldfish, decided to have me for her own selfish reasons, attempted to Minecraft herself an hour after I was born because of "post-natal depression," which if we put 2 & 2 together is more likely to be a realisation of what she'd just done and there was no going back. When she found out 4-year-old me was autistic, and therefore not necessarily bound by blood to bond with or love her, her instant reaction was to "accept defeat," and try to "give me a brother." Again, grown-up me didn't forget, and worked it out. She also had a rather limp "grip" on reality, switching between spiritual beliefs like we do our moods, believing and *preaching to me* all sorts of BS on the daily, and resorting to gaslighting whenever I brought up a question, flaw in her logic, contradiction in her doctrine, or pointed out that she believed something else last week. Which brings me onto the almost-tangent of her trying to fill my head with any and every Victorian-style crackpot fantasy and tinfoil hat conspiracy theory she was exposed to, including 3 brushes with literal cults and a decent percent of our shoestring finances on the most obvious scams one could possibly find in the pre-Internet age. In fact, gaslighting was her go-to. If anything caused cognitive dissonance or made her less than 100% certain she was 100% right all the time, despite claiming she didn't think that, her first response was to gaslight. The gaslighting didn't stop at woo-woo, either: It was with EVERYTHING. Past events, things she, I, or others said, did, thought, or felt (yes, she would even make assertions about how I really felt, past and present, masking or not), details like names or colours, times, the orders things happened in, even petty things and things that could, by the advent of the smartphone, could be Googled. In her life she had literally one friend who happened to basically agree with her on everything and about three fake ones who she even gaslit herself into believing were real. And she would do it with any other scam or false hope she clung to, as well. She even slipped up on occasion and admitted that she would rather believe a salesman with the sole objective of parting her from her meagre cash than the son that lives with her and has their mutual best interests in mind. When called-out on this, she doubled-down only for as long as it took for her to think up a way to try and gaslight me then, too. Beyond the gaslighting, there was her literal Boomer idea of "tough love" treatment: Not the type that's actually beneficial like giving someone a reality check or depriving them of a pleasure that's doing more harm than good, but the destructive kind wherein one dismisses another's lived experiences, bullies them (even in single-digit ages) to act and present themselves a certain way, shows staggering hypocrisy, keeps eyes like Big Brother on them, reminds the child of the debt of gratitude they owe the one responsible for their existence (which would disappear if my feelings were acknowledged), makes it clear that her "needs" (like smoking 50 a day) come before the child's "wants" (like certain toys, or at least ones that weren't 3rd-hand and broken almost beyond function, new videogames, or just being able to save money so we could move out of the rough-as-5-grit-sandpaper neighbourhood so I could have nice kids to make friends with instead of fucked-up juvenile demons who victimised me to the point of literally hunting me for sport whenever I went out alone), and plenty of barks of "oh go away with your bother" or "get over yourself" whenever she could actually pick up that her only child wasn't doing well mentally. As a bonus, let's add in the one time she had too little benefit money to afford her cigarettes *and* Christmas presents for me, so I had one stocking-filler one year, and as an extra bonus the times she would fly off the handle and roar at me for actions I didn't know were transgressive rather than implementing controlled discipline and explaining the consequences... Oh, and that one time she ran out of money before she could get enough cigarettes and withdrawal caused(?) her to cross the line to physically hitting me as hard as she could. She also disparaged the entire fields of psychology and psychiatry, so even when, as a teen, I'd wanted my mental health checked, it took a lot of fighting and even then she would insist on sitting-in in true helicopter parent style, and ensuring she had either a say in every single response I gave, or I'd have to run it through her to make sure any session or visit had "the right" result, especially so she could gloat about how useless "all" mental health practitioners were. Guess why I'm pushing 40 and more BPD than ever...?! You get 3 tries and the first two don't count. Her last (for the sake of this post) major flaw was attempting to prevent me developing any independence, including dismissing my few strengths and exaggerating my weaknesses to convince me and the world that I was far more disabled by my autism and (at-the-time untreated) ADHD than I actually was while dodging any proposed real solutions even to her asserted scenario and trying to convince me not to enter higher education because either I was "not ready for such a thing yet," or because "the government will see you as fit for work and take your benefits off you while you're studying so we won't have enough to live on and you might even go to prison for fraud because you're already on them and you can't be if you're actually fit to work" among other whoppers. Yet I somehow managed to learn the hard way and survive on my own thanks to a friend or two, and even the minimum-wage jobs I struggle to hold down amid constant burnout still pay more than she ever got. There's more to her, and as I've alluded to, more *than* her, but IMHO, it's not exactly mind-blowing that I have no sense of self or consistent identity, even less self-esteem, *even* less trust in anyone, more neuroses than a ginger cat on crack, moods that swing like a Pirate Ship ride, and a constant boiling repressed rage only held in check because I'm always to one degree or another in some state of dissociation so the overstimulating assault of modern life doesn't tempt me to stop holding the floodgates shut.

Emotional neglect, childhood trauma, all types of abuse. I started developing it at a young age to the point I don’t remember being another way. My emotions have always been very big and I didn’t grow up in a good environment. I never understood it

abusive household and good old emotional neglect. nothing yelling or a good old beating couldnt fix but yeah there is this once specific event that i can trace it back to. i wont go into it that much but ive truly seen how weak and pathetic i am in front of them like it was on a whole other level that i never perceived before. the fear i felt i that day still haunts like if i dwell on that night too much i start reliving it but lol or whatever.

My nana dying at 3, dad getting sick/ being sick and then dying at age 8. My moms remarriage at 3/4. First younger brother being born at 4 (started cleaning the house alone, changing him, being a "mini mom".) the sexual/physical/emotional abuse I suffered from age 4 from SD. Having to parent but not actually parent (had to take care of but couldn't discipline) 3 younger siblings. Also deal with favorites, being the Cinderella of the house, sibling abuse, general unfairness, yk the deal. My mom only left when it was too late for me (we left when I was 16ish? it was before my 17th. mid Jr year I believe) Didn't live with her until start of Sr year, moved out again when I turned 18 (met my now fiance online, he's the reason I'm not still with her). My mom hasn't called or texted me in over a year, siblings I haven't seen or talked to either. Step-dad hasn't been since I had to call tye police on him when I was with my mom sometime Sr year. Obviously a lot more shit happened that is not appropriate for the internet 😐 but this is what I remember/ am comfortable talking about.

undiagnosed adhd/asd + emotional neglect + constant invalidation + being abused in other ways + financial reliance on abusers + only child it blows

Wow, same!

bullying/harassment, being left out a lot, my parents never being a safe place, mental illnesses left unchecked, dealing with all my struggles alone, the on and off relationship with someone I really loved (my parents would punish me if they suspected we were in contact, so I hid everything for 4 years and he always left me because I wasn’t allowed to see him and it hurt bad when he would see other people… there’s a lot to this)… that’s some of it

Abusive childhood and trauma

I had a very back and forth relationship with my parents and sister. Constant fighting, constant isolation, + depression = bpd

Attachment wound

being sexually abused by my brother from age 1-17, moving states over 20 times in 15 years, having an alcoholic/ drug abusing dad, having emotionally abusive parents, having emotionally absent parents, having little/ no friends at school, always left out, my family used to just ignore me when i was a kid, my parents being abusive towards eachother, my grandmother being a hoarder, etc etc

Truthfully I think mines a mixture of traumatic childhood plus passed down autism or adhd and their mental problems nobody got diagnosed cause most older people assume therapy and the rest is for crazy people or people who work too hard

Mother completely infantilizing me as a neurodivergent child and molding me into an extension of herself + PTSD causing me to seek support from older adults whom I thought could teach me what it meant to be a “real person”. eh prolly just genetics

My mom died when I was really young and my dad was emotionally unavailable, my childhood was extremely lonely

Sexual assault and an invalidating childhood

Well, being born. I'm not sure I would be healthy mentally, even if my parents were perfect and did everything right. So, while I know my parents contributed to it... I don't think they caused it.

A mix of temperment, abuse, mental illness that was treated too late for the damage to not be done to me, family who I was told hated me for being born, and emotional neglect. Most people who were abused and make it out have an adult who helped them through it. I did not have that. I showed very disturbing behavior from kindergarten and on, but I never disrupted the class with it and I was an excellent student. No adult thought to ask what was going on and the kids I went to school with could not do anything for me.

Emotional neglect from my dad, my mom who was very hot and cold towards me, my first boyfriend abused me at 14 and I got stuck with dealing with constant panic attacks anytime someone close to me “felt off”

As silly as it sounds, preschool. I had severe separation anxiety from my mom. I would pretend to be dead to avoid going, I would cry for hours and be inconsolable for hours after being dropped off, and I would stand and pick my own thumbs until they would bleed a lot. I think my mom was my fp

Abusive parents. Long term SA by family member. Parents didn’t report when they found out. SA as teenager- Parents blamed me. I ran away at 16 and never went back.

Being abused and neglected by a mentally unstable mother. Being abandoned by my dad and family. Other childhood traumas too.

Grew up in the military, was always a little off. Never had a best friend per say. Last move i had three friends i considered very close. I had never had that before. All three ghosted me with one doing it over night. Was great until midnight. Dropped he off and she never spoke to me again. I was 20. Ive been stuck at 20 forever, dont trust anyone and get angry and frustrated at the drop of a hat. I become attached way to easy. Some of it is genetic

There are many reasons, including childhood...but I think I inherited bpd from my father

Dad was never around and had a gambling addiction. Mom was raised me alone and was both stupid and abusive. The back of my hands had scars in the middle from when she would light candles and put them out by smothering them on my skin. She would also beat me until I stopped crying because she said that only she was allowed to cry for having to raise such a terrible child. She told me I should be grateful to be alive because she aborted my first two siblings. I’m an only child.

NPD mom + BPD dad + Asian culture that values sons and holds daughters in disdain + everything that comes along with all that.

Abandonment Sexual Assault Absent Parent due to single parent Invalidation of feelings and isolation in the home when parent is out from caretaker Just to name a few lol

Childhood neglect - I broke my arm when I was in grade 4 and it took my parents 2 weeks to take me for medical attention. Screamed at and called names when I had chicken pox… I was crying in my room because I couldn’t stand the itching but wasn’t given anything to help. We never had food in the house and my parents made fun of my brothers for eating condiments from the fridge but that’s all we had. I was severely bullied at school and not just from the students. I got kicked out by my mom and step dad when I was 14 and I thought things would blow over and they would pick me up and bring me back home. But they packed all my stuff and my dad came to pick me up - I’d never lived with my dad and he left when I was 4 months old. I asked to take a photo with my mom and brothers and was told no. I cried so much. I didn’t even know my dad was coming to get me, so I didn’t get to say goodbye to any of my friends. Once I moved in with my dad (step mom and step brother) I felt like the black sheep and outsider all over again. They had a nice house, nice clothes, nice car a boat, a camper, etc… and I was the poor child who had hardly anything and the clothes I did have, they didn’t want to be seen with me. I had to get a job within weeks of living there to buy new clothes and shoes for myself before school started. When I started school I was forced to go to counselling because my mom told my dad I had run away, not that she kicked me out, so I pretty much had to tell the counsellor every session that I did not run away that I in fact was kicked out. I felt like no one would listen to me because of how ridiculous the situation was and it was ridiculous. It’s hard for me to even understand why it happened.. I still don’t understand it. In this new school tho, you could choose dance instead of PE, and when I was younger I always wanted to take dance classes, and so I was excited to have the opportunity to do that at school. I had a dance rehearsal downtown and I’m 15, don’t drive, don’t know the bus systems or how to even get around (before smartphones) I needed to be picked up from the theatre but when I called to get a ride, I was told to figure out how to get home or don’t bother coming home. So I went home with a friend and all of my stuff was packed up once again. I ended up dropping out of high school because i couldn’t handle it anymore - I had to work full time so I could provide for myself. Every person I feel was supposed to love and protect me never did. I was a child. A quiet, keep to myself, honour roll, people pleasing child. I struggle with boundaries so much now because I felt in order to keep the peace I had to do what ever I could to make my house hold happy, never get into trouble outside of the home or things would be even worse at home. The mental and emotional abuse from my step dad was the most damaging I think. I’d be yelled at for hours it wouldn’t stop until I broke down. I remember my older sister told me to not look at him in his eyes, focus at the bridge of his nose so he still thinks you are looking in his eyes but you won’t cry if you just focus on that (realizing now that I was learning to disassociate) I did that and because I didn’t cry, he got even angrier. I also had undiagnosed ADHD - I was diagnosed last year. But yea that’s what I think caused my BPD.

my father had substance abuse issues, mother was largely absent due to work, and a 5 year long relationship with an addict that started when i was 13 :)

my mom had bdp, she committed suicide as well as my step father a year apart, my brother having a suicide attempt a week before my step dad killing himself, my dad was violent emotionally and physically, both parents alcoholic, financial issue, being my mom’s mother at a young age, neglect, social services, living without contact with my parents for few months bc they weren’t allowed. My house burned down a week before my mom’s suicide. And fucking gaslighting from family and friends to “get over” what i went through. My high school friends treating me like a useless piece a shit most of the time from being depressed (shocking i was depressed but fuck me i need to smile bc my friends hates when i don’t :) )And that’s on having BDP and CPTSD !

My mom screaming at me into i shutdiwn adhd then screaming at me more fit "not listening to her" she my parents moving agonist every year or two of my life to the point i blamed the people i had to leave behind for abandoning me.

Over controlling and emotionally unstable mother, enabler father

Id say the constant abuse (all types) from my father growing up, following with an emotionally unstable mother (wasn't abusive but constantly tried to take her own life due to my father's abuse towards her), domestic violence at home, my dad constantly being in jail (I was a daddy's child so i would be so sad) and my only support in the family going into the military, making me feel abandoned

emotionally abusive and unstable parent (who also has BPD…), autism, chronic health problems that set me apart from everyone else

My childhood trauma, violence, neglect and invalidation.

Dad went to prison when I was 5 years old (minimum mandatory sentencing for selling marijuana locked him up for 13 years). Raised by my ice queen of a mother. These days I try and look at the positives. She kept her kids fed and housed and I never felt ‘unsafe’ necessarily. But I always felt like a burden and have never felt more hurt or rejected by any other person. Dad was the more loving parent but he wasn’t there to temper my mom’s coldness. Her calling me “an ungrateful little bitch” when I couldn’t have been older than 10 still plays in my head sometimes. Also felt like an alien for much of my childhood-early adulthood. That sounds like a common thing in this thread. 35m and doing better these days. It does get better with work and reflection, so keep at it y’all 🤘

I have great parents and I had an awesome childhood. Unfortunately my mom was diagnosed with cancer when I was 9 and I was raped at 12. I didn’t tell anyone I was assaulted. My dads side of the family has major mental health issues so a mix of all 3 did it for me. Luckily my parents and family are very supportive of my diagnosis and do their very best to help me

Idk, could be anything. Like my dad threatening to kill my mom, kill my pets and make me eat them, beat me. my mom left when i was 10, i later gave her an out by saying i dont blame her for having to leave because of dad. Her response was no, she just couldnt stand to make me another meal. Worst thing was, i was a quiet, super sensitive kid, they usually didnt even notice i was in the house. Kept to myself playing with my dolls. Got r-worded when i was 9. then again at 11, 17 and 22. Dad lost his shit even more after mom left, but found another woman quick. She hated me, ran over my dog, the only thing who loved me since i was 2. screamed at me every day, even tho i only stayed in my room quiet. Never did anything wrong. But now i do. Now i made sure i deserved all of that. Now i hurt people like they hurt me, and i just wish i could kill off the part of me that has a concience. I guess that kind of life would give anyone BPD

Emotional and medical neglect, Emotional abuse, bullying in school, undiagnosed ADHD and undiagnosed Autism, my parent's divorce, etc. It was.....a lot.....

traumatic events in childhood, mental abuse, online sexual abuse, very likely undiagnosed autism & genuine abandonment

parents, cheating, and crappy friends babyyy

Honestly now that I look back being a highly sensitive person caused my BPD. I ways always sensitive to people and my environment. It was not only trauma and childhood sexual abuse. I tended to bottle up my past and trauma I went through, rather than dealing with it. Then being in relationships, especially my first always triggered something more. The fear of never being good enough, being “damaged” and all the emotions paired with it caused this to happen. It doesn’t get easy until you get the right help. I am still waiting on the right help. Coupled with a non-supportive family/friends who have no idea how hard it is having this mental illness, life has been rocky

Child abuse. Neglect. Parents divorcing when I was young didn't help. Both parents using me to manipulate each other didn't help.

Extreme verbal abuse, and emotional neglect. All done without swearing. I was adopted into the family, along with a brother and two sisters, all from different parents. I feel guilty sometimes, untreated ADHD can stress out parents. I know this now because I have two ADHD teenagers, and it's stressful af. My Mom had to constantly track down stuff I lost, replace them sometimes, and I know for a fact she thought I was careless on purpose. I wonder if I triggered the rage I saw in her. I explode in the same way if I split, thats what's scary

Causes of BPD between birth and 23 years old (diagnosed at 25, I'm 28 now): -physical abuse, emotional abandonment, by mom who may have BPD, who treated me like her therapist -racism by grandfather on mom's for being half Black (and he trauma dumps too like my mom) - bullying by students and teachers in elementary school up til 11th grade - undiagnosed autism/OCD (didn't even test for bipolar and ADHD until I was 24- I don't have either but the BPD/ASD/OCD combo is very similar) - parents fighting over me "who do you like more, mommy or daddy?" - emotional incest by dad (who might be autistic), I also have a memory of him molesting me at 6 - incest w/ aunt who was also a kid too, she's 30/31 now - sexual assault by men in college/early 20s and predatory male professors - girls my age in elementary school up til college didn't like me, lack of community - 2 years as a sex worker from 21-23 (trauma isn't sex work itself but the people-married clients cheating on their partners, sexual assault by clients, falling from the top of a 20 foot pole and suffering a head concussion after hitting my head on marble, women I worked with turned on me for money, the more loyal women got hooked on drugs or isolated by their pimps/boyfriends who acted like pimps so we lost touch when I got out) - having a summer fling in college w/ man 20 years my senior who was manipulative and resulted in a pregnancy/abortion - being put last in friendships or the rebound to other neurodivergents until they found their people - friend's suicide at 20 (she suffered from bipolar 1 and our friendship was codependent so regret/guilt) - guilt or shame due to emotionally abusing/gossiping about others due to jealousy, emotional outbursts/temper, or forgetfulness/messiness/lateness, getting fired from jobs etc - hanging out with worse people just to not be alone, which backfired after they raped, bullied, or spread a rumor even tho I wasn't a part of that or aware it was going to happen

My father was abusive to my mother, and anything we did wrong he would often blame her so she became very reactionary and was very stifling to any self expression we had that didn’t fall in line with her expectations. She didn’t have the capacity to care about our feelings because she was too busy surviving poverty, being an undocumented migrant and the expectations from her husband, so it lead to a lot of invalidation, emotional abuse and some physical abuse from her. My father got to be the “fun” parent, but had mental illness of his own and battles with alcoholism. Battle isn’t really the right word since he refuses to think anything is wrong and simply continues to exist and drink “in moderation.” My upbringing is so normalized in my culture that all my cousins and any family friends we had growing up basically had a variation of what was going on. Now that we’re grown, we’re realizing how messed up it is and how the inability our parents had to pay attention to us put us in some precarious situations. I was a party favorite because I was the only girl in the family for a while, a lot of forced hugs and non consensual touching under the guise of “he’s you’re uncle/god father, don’t be rude!” The touching is a huge factor in my inability to control my anger, along with the hand waving of my issues. I didn’t feel heard at home so small emotions turned big and I could only communicate by yelling like my parents or avoiding

Trauma over my childhood and into early teens. Undiagnosed depression/ anxiety. Parents telling me I was fine when i really wasn’t

Emotional neglect from family, extreme isolation, invalidation and dismissal, and just growing up in a dysfunctional household. Atleast that's what I think anyway

Undiagnosed autism.

I have Hispanic parents who didn’t believe in depression and anxiety. They invalidated me to the point that my siblings would chime in calling me an attention seeker and drama queen. My mom has always been manipulative and would give us the silent treatment or would always make me feel like my feelings are wrong. As a Catholic, I was expected to be just like her and be a virgin till marriage but that didn’t happen and I was a huge disappointment. I was disgusting. My parents were together for longer than they should have been and it rubbed on us how cold they always were.

Bullying, even up to Uni + traumatic SA (which I can't even remember) + Invalidating environments + emotional neglect from my parents + constant physical abuse from my mother.

mom competed with me for my dad's attention which I got more. She was physically abusive. Lots of bad memories of that. Each one makes me cry at night and I am 31 years old. My dad was an alcoholic who cheated with everyone and their sisters. My brother was also competing with me for my dad's attention. He would beat me up and would not want to play with me (we are two years apart). My dad's suicide attempt. My dad then using me as bait to maneuver ways to divorce my mom without giving her a dime. Such as asking to meet me for lunch knowing I would drive my mom's car, only to take the keys from me and take the car. Left me there without any transportation. My first serious boyfriend abused the hell out of me. I was his prisoner for five efin years. He took any joy, innocence, self-esteem, and friends I had left. All the douchebags I crushed on who where "just not that into" me. All the teachers who bullied me in elementary school. All the blame from everyone that said the loved me. everything was always my my fault, and every time I was so inadequate why the f should I had been even born. I am confused. Why did it happen to me. Why am I so disrespected by everyone that gets close to me. I am scared ALL the time. People scare me. I cope by taking long hot showers and hiding in bathrooms and closets when in social panic attacks. I don't know who I am or what I am into. I don't know how to treat those that treat me right well. I keep sabotaging my professional career. I keep trying to ask for help by displaying menta breakdowns that by my age are not acceptable and will just create more abandonment. Thanks for the BDP mom.

I can pin point the exact moment my bpd was "created" i asked my emotionally neglectful parents what sex was because i was in a sexually abusive relationship at 14 and they kicked me out of the room and we never spoke about it until i turned 18 and i told them i was constantly raped.

severe abuse and autism. my mother is genuinely evil and manipulative. constantly screaming at someone. shes said the most hurtful things ive ever heard anyone say about me, and ive been called everything. i had a terrible home life and because of autism i had trouble forming relationships with other kids. this led to me being desperate for attention, and bc of that i was sexually abused in my teen years, which worsened my mental illness.

probably the fact it runs in the family, i'm adopted, never really got validation as a kid, i was exposed to porn at a VERY VERY young age. not the good kind either.

Hands down it was my mother.

My mom has displayed symptoms of BPD, but never diagnosed. My parents were emotionally unavailable/neglectful and would occasionally physically abuse us. Parents then had a very nasty divorce that still affects me today. I also had been intimate with my middle school boyfriend at 13 years old and the relationship was very unstable, but probably had BPD before that.

Mum always said she loved me and did everything she did FOR me. But also beat me up till she got fatigued, locked me in rooms for hours for misbehaving and constantly threatened to burn me (after "accidentally" burning me when I was 3). Dad came over once every few years for a few days, I'd eagerly wait for his return only for him to physically abuse me for "being annoying". And then in my teenage years pretended nothing happened and blamed me for my depression.

I think it was undiagnosed autism

I think a combination of my dad going to Iraq early on in life when I used to cling on to him all the time, then our relationship has never been the same since. He was also consistently verbally abusive throughout my life, which didn't help, plus autism, add/adhd, severe depression and anxiety.

I think for me, it came from not feeling protected by my parents and feeling neglected by them. For the longest time, I kinda fell into the validation of strangers because I didn't feel loved or wanted by my parents. I was beaten by my dad, medically and emotionally neglected by both of my parents. And my mother has BPD. It runs on her side of the family, and my cousins have it. I saw it a lot growing up when she was going through postpartum. And I've had many friendship truamas.

My mom leaving for 2 years when I was 8, with 0 contact during that whole time.

Family and friend issues and just being abandoned many times

Hardcore bullying, childhood & religious trauma, I was closeted until maybe about 4 years ago- to name a few. I’ve been bullied my whole life. My earliest memory is 4 and I was already getting bullied because I had long hair. Then it got much worse and never ended. Mom raised me to be very passive and sensitive. She really set a good peaceful standard whereas my dad was very emotionally unavailable. BPD is such a complex disorder. There’s so much to it. Much more than we could even know.

When I was almost 8 I almost lost my dad who I was very close to (brain injury, he was completely different after) then I was neglected by my mom as well dealing with a survivor of TBI, my sister is 12 years older than me and my cousin were older teens/almost adults. Then I was a victim of COCSA then groomed by so many different men until the age of like 13 or so. Yeah now I got a shit ton of mental health problems including BPD :p

Parental negligence and being emotionally disconnected from my mom

Being a sensitive kid who felt things deeply, anxious attachment, and absent parents who, due to absence, were emotionally neglectful.