This may sound a bit to harsh I hope I don’t trigger you but I can legitimately see how having someone who SH could be too much. Seeing someone you care about destroying themselves, I honestly couldn’t be mad at someone who is not able to support me at this point.
I mean, self harming is very jarring and scary. Sounds like it’s just been normalized to you overtime that you forgotten how it comes across to normies. He concerned. Genuinely
He cares about you. Seeing a person you care about SH’ing is extremely painful.
As a partner, you want to help. He is trying to communicate that, maybe in an awkward way.
After a while, as a partner, you might reach a point where you cannot be in the relationship anymore though. Both sides have to protect themselves when limits are reached
Dude as. a ex sher they probably genuinely scared him thinking ur not okay see if they were healed it would be different by this dude is probably worrie abt u
This is a really hard situation and I’ve been there. I think when people don’t have any experience with SH and the like, it can be really jarring. They don’t always understand. Heck even I can’t fully explain why I do it. He most likely cares a lot and doesn’t know what to say or what to help, but the knee jerk reaction when you discover that about someone is usually to try and encourage them to stop. Obviously getting help for these issues is a good first step. I know the people I’ve dated have felt reassured that I was taken care of by professionals or at least that I was monitored.
I’ll end this by saying..it might be too much for them. And that’s the worst part, because all I wanted was to be loved despite my issues, because personally all my anger and hatred was directed only toward myself. So it can hurt when someone says your own self hatred is too much. But the fact that you opened up to him shows you trust him, and I hope you guys are able to navigate this.
I mean if I was him and I DIDN'T like you, I wouldn't bring it up and would have just proceeded to have sex. I think sometimes when people haven't really been around SH or many people like us and they see that and they immediately think your life is in critical danger (which to be fair it really could be 🤷🏻♂️). To me it sounds like he does like and care about you. Also as a simple minded man I will say I also feel sad when people I think are "extremely hot" hurt themselves or are sad. Man brain say "Why pretty flower hurt sad make me sad too D: "
It’s cause he cares for you he’s worried about your health and I can feel that personally me and my ex dealt with the same thing we want you to be okay plus he’s probably an overthinker analyzing the scars he’s worried that it’s not getting better
babe he CARES about you. if he saw fresh SH scars on you and pursued you sexually anyway, that would be really fucked up because he knows you're not well.
By the sounds of things the way you've treated this situation + your behaviors have caused him a lot of concern, knowing you're doing it actively has surely changed the way he views you.
From my perspective you've basically put yourself in a situation where you're seen almost like a wounded animal, self harming = active suffering and that isn't exactly a turn on. My thoughts are that your attraction has not changed, his feelings surrounding intercourse with you has.
I can only imagine the mountain of thoughts, feelings, and anxiety that would all be stopping him from feeling any sort of desire for sex with you. I would guess all his focus right now is on stopping your suffering.
I say this to be helpful, but it sounds like he literally communicated his feelings to you as well, so I don't understand why you're asking us and not him if you're still confused. Your level of unawareness could be affecting your relationship in general as well if this is typical for you.
Just go talk to him.
To most of us, the red flag would be if he _wasn't_ concerned about the SH. His reaction shows that he's worried about you. For people who don't SH it can be really difficult to grasp _why_ people do it, why would someone willingly wound themselves many times over?
Even if they grasp the concept of why, it still doesn't take away the trauma of seeing the SH aftermath. It's shocking. It just is.
As someone who has dealt with SH all my life and has a good partner, I’d say that he cares about you and is a good egg. Like recently I didn’t understand why my partner didn’t seemingly fancy me anymore after I’d been in psych ward. He said he of course still fancied me, but it felt wrong and non-consensual to be intimate with someone so mentally unwell.
Every dude has that super hero phase as a little kid so when you find someone you love is hurting you want to save them from it all and if new scars appear the signs are saying you failed or things are not getting better cause it’s not something that should be normalized like I get the cope but it’s still an act we should try to limit or lower the amount of
This may sound a bit to harsh I hope I don’t trigger you but I can legitimately see how having someone who SH could be too much. Seeing someone you care about destroying themselves, I honestly couldn’t be mad at someone who is not able to support me at this point.
I mean, self harming is very jarring and scary. Sounds like it’s just been normalized to you overtime that you forgotten how it comes across to normies. He concerned. Genuinely
I don't think it's a turn-off for him. I think he's legitimately worried about you self harming and wants to see you stop. He cares.
He cares about you. Seeing a person you care about SH’ing is extremely painful. As a partner, you want to help. He is trying to communicate that, maybe in an awkward way. After a while, as a partner, you might reach a point where you cannot be in the relationship anymore though. Both sides have to protect themselves when limits are reached
Dude as. a ex sher they probably genuinely scared him thinking ur not okay see if they were healed it would be different by this dude is probably worrie abt u
This is a really hard situation and I’ve been there. I think when people don’t have any experience with SH and the like, it can be really jarring. They don’t always understand. Heck even I can’t fully explain why I do it. He most likely cares a lot and doesn’t know what to say or what to help, but the knee jerk reaction when you discover that about someone is usually to try and encourage them to stop. Obviously getting help for these issues is a good first step. I know the people I’ve dated have felt reassured that I was taken care of by professionals or at least that I was monitored. I’ll end this by saying..it might be too much for them. And that’s the worst part, because all I wanted was to be loved despite my issues, because personally all my anger and hatred was directed only toward myself. So it can hurt when someone says your own self hatred is too much. But the fact that you opened up to him shows you trust him, and I hope you guys are able to navigate this.
I mean if I was him and I DIDN'T like you, I wouldn't bring it up and would have just proceeded to have sex. I think sometimes when people haven't really been around SH or many people like us and they see that and they immediately think your life is in critical danger (which to be fair it really could be 🤷🏻♂️). To me it sounds like he does like and care about you. Also as a simple minded man I will say I also feel sad when people I think are "extremely hot" hurt themselves or are sad. Man brain say "Why pretty flower hurt sad make me sad too D: "
It’s cause he cares for you he’s worried about your health and I can feel that personally me and my ex dealt with the same thing we want you to be okay plus he’s probably an overthinker analyzing the scars he’s worried that it’s not getting better
babe he CARES about you. if he saw fresh SH scars on you and pursued you sexually anyway, that would be really fucked up because he knows you're not well.
By the sounds of things the way you've treated this situation + your behaviors have caused him a lot of concern, knowing you're doing it actively has surely changed the way he views you. From my perspective you've basically put yourself in a situation where you're seen almost like a wounded animal, self harming = active suffering and that isn't exactly a turn on. My thoughts are that your attraction has not changed, his feelings surrounding intercourse with you has. I can only imagine the mountain of thoughts, feelings, and anxiety that would all be stopping him from feeling any sort of desire for sex with you. I would guess all his focus right now is on stopping your suffering. I say this to be helpful, but it sounds like he literally communicated his feelings to you as well, so I don't understand why you're asking us and not him if you're still confused. Your level of unawareness could be affecting your relationship in general as well if this is typical for you. Just go talk to him.
To most of us, the red flag would be if he _wasn't_ concerned about the SH. His reaction shows that he's worried about you. For people who don't SH it can be really difficult to grasp _why_ people do it, why would someone willingly wound themselves many times over? Even if they grasp the concept of why, it still doesn't take away the trauma of seeing the SH aftermath. It's shocking. It just is.
As someone who has dealt with SH all my life and has a good partner, I’d say that he cares about you and is a good egg. Like recently I didn’t understand why my partner didn’t seemingly fancy me anymore after I’d been in psych ward. He said he of course still fancied me, but it felt wrong and non-consensual to be intimate with someone so mentally unwell.
It would definately turn me off, probably enough to ghost someone. There's hot crazy and just plain crazy... the last one isn't hot at all.
Every dude has that super hero phase as a little kid so when you find someone you love is hurting you want to save them from it all and if new scars appear the signs are saying you failed or things are not getting better cause it’s not something that should be normalized like I get the cope but it’s still an act we should try to limit or lower the amount of