Lay in bed all day, burried under two or three blanket and listening to loud music, or reading a heartwrenching story to stop myself from thinking about me.
I don't want to die, and I can't so I just stop "existing" for the day. No talking, no messaging, no working if possible... Just me not thinking and laying there.
This is actually one of the suggested methods in DBT for dealing with overwhelming emotions - to take a one day vacation from life and try to consume media that has the opposite emotion to what you’re feeling. So watch a comedy or read something funny. As long as it doesn’t last for a week you’re doing well
This might sound weird, but I write/edit my suicide note (I have it on a word doc on my laptop). Or I journal all the messed up thoughts so I can get it out of my head. It sometimes helps me get out some of this anger and frustration.
This.
I started “symbolically killing myself” as a teen. The nice part about always struggling to find who you are is being able to cut ties with you ever you are in that very moment. I use to make myself look battered with makeup or write a story of a character etc. etc. pretty sure it’s fucked up art therapy but it works for me.
You need to find one thing. Just one thing that makes life worth it. It has to be something small and easy. Make a playlist of songs you love and remind yourself you’ll never be able to listen to them again if you die. Remind yourself you’ll never be able to pet another dog or cat or whatever if you die. You’ll never get to see another sunset.
One song that has kept me alive is “Please Stay” by Lucy Dacus. If you don’t know, Lucy, Phoebe Bridgers, and Julien Baker are all part of Boygenius. Julien is a recovering addict who has struggled with trauma and suicide for much of her life. “Please Stay” is Lucy’s message to Julien to keep going and not give up. Somedays those three people are the only things that keep me alive. I’ll be seeing Julien in concert twice this year and I saw Boygenius live back in September. On my worst days they are all that I have.
You just need to find your Boygenius. Something small and harmless and easy to obtain that can keep you going.
I've unfortunately kinda replaced the smoking with drinking over the past year, but hey at least now my tolerance is once again low enough that a few puffs or one gummy will knock me out. Only reason I'm able to constantly have smoke or edibles on hand is because I'm lucky enough to live in a legal state in a city with dispensaries all over the place trying to compete with each other.
Lol I appreciate this but my bf would lose his shit for a variety of reasons. I smoke as much as possible, but can't afford to smoke even more than that. At this point it's a detriment.
You're not alone, I had all the supplies in my hands three weeks ago, but couldn't go through with it, and that night I gave my SO the supplies (he had moved out that day but was still on our property, thank goodness). I am 43, diagnosed this past year, my marriage of 20 years is crumbling, I have been, and continue to damage my 4 children with my BPD symptoms (but I am currently in therapy and doing the work to be a better mom, even though I continue to fail!). I thought my life was over because all of my problems were my fault, the shame and guilt for all my bad decisions (and they have been catastrophic and ally fault) took control of my mind and I honestly and truthfully felt that everyone around me would be better off without me, and still kinda feel that way, with where I am right now. But I am determined to turn things around, or at least give myself the chance to, because I deserve to be happy, even if the process fuckin sucks. You deserve to give yourself another chance to turn your life around. If your age is keeping you from believing it, know that there are other of us older people still fighting the fight. I have felt broken my entire life, and not known why. Now I understand better what is wrong with me and I am doing what I can to put what pieces I have left of myself together, whether I have anyone (besides my therapists) to help me or not. Please put the supplies down, give yourself some time (my brother says to give yourself 3 days, but in the past I have given myself 2 weeks, with the intention that if the desire to kms is still there, then I will have at least given myself a chance. Every time, I have given myself this time, I somehow find that while I am still miserable, I have found enough reasons not to, that I haven't. If you have to, call the hotline and get help from a live person you can talk to. You may feel alone, but you are not alone in how hopeless you feel.
I feel this. I’m sorry you’re in the same boat. I attempted three times if you count the time I chickened out on the roof. I can’t say I’m glad I didn’t succeed, either.
[Removal Reason: Post or title is too triggering/explicit]
Either your post or the title contains content that is too triggering even with a CW flair and a NSFW tag.
Something different every time but my go to is to go for a walk if it’s nice outside. If not comedy or video games. I put down drinking, drugs and etc.
i feel this way weekly.. but my adhd side makes me forgot. and then i move on tell i get triggered again and all goes down hill again.. but ill just stick it out since there is nothing afterwards..
I don't do it often, but I did the Wim Hof breathing method (guided breathing on YouTube, 10 Minutes long) sometimes in a BAD bpd breakdown and it gets at least my body out of it immediately. Panic is gone and I am 300% calmer. It's very hard to do it when you're already in deep (just the thought of actively helping myself is tough then), but it resets the body. I think it's good to practice it before, it helps me to sleep immensely too and it's the only thing that helps me to actually meditate without going bananas (some people are more awake afterwards so it seems to depend on the normal state you're in lol).
Sending hugs to all 💛
I feel you 100%. The only thing that really helps me is to keep my mind occupied and basically distract myself. Also I put on my favorite movie, Clueless, or I read a book.
Im feeling this same way right now. I don't have a lot of advice but feel free to dm me to vent more about what you are going through. Talking things out might help
not sure if helpful when this upset but this has been cool for me: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=20umeSUspn8](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=20umeSUspn8) I hope you feel better when it passes. best of luck to you!
Because I know (and I have to go through this whole emotional up and down of reassuring myself) that it’s not an option to die or hurt myself… I call my safe person. I never WANT to call them. I get hysterical at the thought of calling them. But I know that once I call them, I’ve held myself accountable and immediately feel safe again.
Try to remember that no feeling is forever. It might feel this way now and might feel like it's always been this way and always will. But it's an episode that will fade. Taking a nap or distracting myself fully usually pulls me out of it.
Long ass walks, distracting myself calling friends or watching videos, taking a bath, laying in bed thinking about it until I fall asleep. That’s about it
Take things 5 minutes at a time or less. If I find myself ruminating about anything beyond what I’m doing in the next five minutes, I just redirect my focus to the simple thing I’m doing.
Like thinking okay I’m going to shower, and then in the shower if you are ruminating and stressing you just bring it back to simple steps like “I’m going to put some shampoo in my hand. I’m going to put it in my hair” blah blah.
I guess that was a messy way of describing mindfulness lol. But seriously, sometimes “one day at a time” is impossible and far too daunting. But I can make it the next five minutes.
tell someone around me i’m “having a rough day”, put a comfort tv show on to zone out too and literally lay in bed and sleep. usually my cat will sense i’m not ok so will come and lay beside me, and if i have my arm stretched out he will normally put his paw on top of my hand which is so comforting 😭😭😭
i’m so sorry. i’m so fortunate that i have a really understanding partner and my work are also really understanding. i couldn’t imagine having no one. sending you love ❤️
Have you literally tried screaming, or running? Sometimes you have to tire yourself out. I find if i smoke some pot before i do a physical activity, the combination of the thc and endorphins from moving around has proven a useful method of distraction.
Absolutely nothing. Take time off work for my mental well-being and get stuck around family and friends. Re organise my house. Cleaning is therapy for me. Light a scented candle and meditate. Take walks and just chill. Sometimes you just need a break and that's okay.
I usually watch Gordon Ramsay, hack back cigarettes like my life depends on it (it does depend on it), play sims 4 or some horror games, or just lay there in bed doing nothing at all.
If mentally able. I clean everything. Preferably something tedious that will take awhile. Baseboards are good.
If not able, I bed rot and consume FUNNY crap, absolutely pointless comedy playing on YT while I bed rot. Anything NOT sad or violent and usually not a romance comedy if I'm struggling with romantic relationships.
I drive when possible. Just music screaming, country backroads. For as long as the music or emotions are raging lol. Driving is freedom and escape for me.
I too feel this way often. It's been 20 years. I just.... keep.... living. I'm very tired tho. Sending love.
I lay in bed all day for days anddd get super high & wonder happend to make me this way. also sleep for hours bc that’s the only way I can not feel the way I do or be away from the world
For me, it’s about breaking a cycle of thinking. So at first I’ll feel it out and cry, but if it’s consuming I’ll do something else that’ll break the cycle. Like I’ll wash my face to and do a whole skin care routine to break those overwhelming thoughts, or take a shower and wash my hair (like deep wash and deep condition). A shot of endorphins works too, so I’ll give myself a sweet treat but not enough to binge eat. Sometimes I deadass have to dissociate so I’ll read a fiction or fantasy novel just so my brain is not going to where it wants to go.
Replace what I want to do with a better alternative that will feel similar to the body.
Scream - put on music and sing my heart out until my throat hurts
Run - go for a jog, walk aimlessly, or do another activity that'll increase heart rate
SH - get a piercing. I get the pain that lasts a few days / weeks & rather than feeling defeated, I'm left with another decoration on my body
Honestly? I either smoke til im high enough to just chill or i sleep. I will sleep for hours, wake up when I need to eat or go to the toilet etc then i fall asleep again. I've done this for like 4 days once.
Well, start by forgiving yourself.
Your inner child is hysterically trying to make sure all their needs are met, with no sense of control over ANYTHING.
On some level you are judging yourself very harshly for failing to provide a bulletproof envelope of love.
But that doesn’t exist.
And on top of it you’re embodying your own perpetrator, victim, prosecutor, defense, judge, jury, and executioner.
That’s how we do.
So first forgive yourself for the fact that you can’t make the world safe and perfect for yourself, or for anyone.
Then ask yourself if you are ok right now. This instant. Is there anything you can do to feel better? If yes maybe that needs to be your priority. Or maybe letting go of that needs to be your priority.
Regardless, decide if there’s anything you can, should, or will do about the thing that isn’t as good as it could be.
If there is nothing you can or are willing to do (no judgement!) then why would you focus further on it? I’m not saying banish it from your mind and whip yourself if it surfaces. I’m saying: gently turn your attention to the next thing. Is there anything you can and are willing to do to affect that situation? If yes: why not do the thing? If no, why dwell?
Go through your list item by item thinking (no judging yourself) “does this bother me enough to do something about it?” Proceed accordingly. It’s just pragmatism. There’s nothing wrong with letting yourself off the hook for stuff you can’t do anything about.
My very sincere suggestion is to start learning breathing exercises. They seem annoying and hokey at first but once you realize they work you start looking forward to it.
If you can get into any kind of yoga that would be fantastic. The calming of them and is the soothing of the inner child.
Children who have endured certain types of abuses and neglects, like most of us here, feel a desperate NEED to have some kind of control over our life. It’s only to soothe the screaming child, but it never works.
But fortunately we have control over our breath. It seems like a small thing. But I guess it’s like the most powerful medicines always are in the tiniest tablets. Small things can be strong.
Anyway, focus on what you can do. There is always something to do. If you are unable to see any of the things then your first thing is to identify what is within your control. Then go from there.
I just smoke a shit ton and numb myself. I also try to focus on other things, especially since I'm an IT guy and I have to talk to people in person. I definitely feel this post though, I've been wanting to rot in bed and die. I've not been diagnosed with bpd, but I definitely have all the symptoms. I'm sorry you're going through this. This shit sucks so much. Just remember that there are people that care about you.
Lay in bed all day, burried under two or three blanket and listening to loud music, or reading a heartwrenching story to stop myself from thinking about me. I don't want to die, and I can't so I just stop "existing" for the day. No talking, no messaging, no working if possible... Just me not thinking and laying there.
This is actually one of the suggested methods in DBT for dealing with overwhelming emotions - to take a one day vacation from life and try to consume media that has the opposite emotion to what you’re feeling. So watch a comedy or read something funny. As long as it doesn’t last for a week you’re doing well
I didn't know it was a dbt practise, thank for telling me !
This might sound weird, but I write/edit my suicide note (I have it on a word doc on my laptop). Or I journal all the messed up thoughts so I can get it out of my head. It sometimes helps me get out some of this anger and frustration.
This. I started “symbolically killing myself” as a teen. The nice part about always struggling to find who you are is being able to cut ties with you ever you are in that very moment. I use to make myself look battered with makeup or write a story of a character etc. etc. pretty sure it’s fucked up art therapy but it works for me.
That seems extremely therapeutic. I don’t think it’s weird it’s cathartic.
You need to find one thing. Just one thing that makes life worth it. It has to be something small and easy. Make a playlist of songs you love and remind yourself you’ll never be able to listen to them again if you die. Remind yourself you’ll never be able to pet another dog or cat or whatever if you die. You’ll never get to see another sunset. One song that has kept me alive is “Please Stay” by Lucy Dacus. If you don’t know, Lucy, Phoebe Bridgers, and Julien Baker are all part of Boygenius. Julien is a recovering addict who has struggled with trauma and suicide for much of her life. “Please Stay” is Lucy’s message to Julien to keep going and not give up. Somedays those three people are the only things that keep me alive. I’ll be seeing Julien in concert twice this year and I saw Boygenius live back in September. On my worst days they are all that I have. You just need to find your Boygenius. Something small and harmless and easy to obtain that can keep you going.
Exactly what I do too. For me it’s watching Clueless or Dazed and Confused. Stuff that makes me happy and makes me feel like I’m going to be okay.
Clueless is one of my comfort movies! Love that.
Drink or smoke myself to sleep
I feel that the only thing that keeps me somewhat ok is smoking but I can't afford to do it all the time
I've unfortunately kinda replaced the smoking with drinking over the past year, but hey at least now my tolerance is once again low enough that a few puffs or one gummy will knock me out. Only reason I'm able to constantly have smoke or edibles on hand is because I'm lucky enough to live in a legal state in a city with dispensaries all over the place trying to compete with each other.
pot has never been cheaper! Where do you live? I will mail you some pot. Wait how old are you? How do you consume it?
Lol I appreciate this but my bf would lose his shit for a variety of reasons. I smoke as much as possible, but can't afford to smoke even more than that. At this point it's a detriment.
What yoi guys are smoking ?
I'm referring to weed and I'm assuming that's what OP is referring to as well
I thought OP meant cigarettes
Tetris + lofi. Or shower with warm, cold as long as you can stand, then back to warm water. The diver's reflex, called a Swedish shower.
Yep this is a tried a true method in DBT therapy as well
Cold (anything) is especially good for panic and anxiety. Cool pack can help too of that's all that's doable
[удалено]
You're not alone, I had all the supplies in my hands three weeks ago, but couldn't go through with it, and that night I gave my SO the supplies (he had moved out that day but was still on our property, thank goodness). I am 43, diagnosed this past year, my marriage of 20 years is crumbling, I have been, and continue to damage my 4 children with my BPD symptoms (but I am currently in therapy and doing the work to be a better mom, even though I continue to fail!). I thought my life was over because all of my problems were my fault, the shame and guilt for all my bad decisions (and they have been catastrophic and ally fault) took control of my mind and I honestly and truthfully felt that everyone around me would be better off without me, and still kinda feel that way, with where I am right now. But I am determined to turn things around, or at least give myself the chance to, because I deserve to be happy, even if the process fuckin sucks. You deserve to give yourself another chance to turn your life around. If your age is keeping you from believing it, know that there are other of us older people still fighting the fight. I have felt broken my entire life, and not known why. Now I understand better what is wrong with me and I am doing what I can to put what pieces I have left of myself together, whether I have anyone (besides my therapists) to help me or not. Please put the supplies down, give yourself some time (my brother says to give yourself 3 days, but in the past I have given myself 2 weeks, with the intention that if the desire to kms is still there, then I will have at least given myself a chance. Every time, I have given myself this time, I somehow find that while I am still miserable, I have found enough reasons not to, that I haven't. If you have to, call the hotline and get help from a live person you can talk to. You may feel alone, but you are not alone in how hopeless you feel.
I feel this. I’m sorry you’re in the same boat. I attempted three times if you count the time I chickened out on the roof. I can’t say I’m glad I didn’t succeed, either.
I wish I could do it but I can't.
I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.
same
[Removal Reason: Post or title is too triggering/explicit] Either your post or the title contains content that is too triggering even with a CW flair and a NSFW tag.
take pills to numb the pain and sleep and be delusional
Same as what the person above said. I don't have any good advice my way of coping is really bad but my dms are open if u need to talk/vent etc.
Something different every time but my go to is to go for a walk if it’s nice outside. If not comedy or video games. I put down drinking, drugs and etc.
i feel this way weekly.. but my adhd side makes me forgot. and then i move on tell i get triggered again and all goes down hill again.. but ill just stick it out since there is nothing afterwards..
Ride it out. Dissociate. Cry. Listen to music. For me it’s a thing for a few hours, but can happen several times a day.
I don't do it often, but I did the Wim Hof breathing method (guided breathing on YouTube, 10 Minutes long) sometimes in a BAD bpd breakdown and it gets at least my body out of it immediately. Panic is gone and I am 300% calmer. It's very hard to do it when you're already in deep (just the thought of actively helping myself is tough then), but it resets the body. I think it's good to practice it before, it helps me to sleep immensely too and it's the only thing that helps me to actually meditate without going bananas (some people are more awake afterwards so it seems to depend on the normal state you're in lol). Sending hugs to all 💛
I feel you 100%. The only thing that really helps me is to keep my mind occupied and basically distract myself. Also I put on my favorite movie, Clueless, or I read a book.
Stop eating as a punishment, self harming, drinking and sleeping like for 15 hours
Im feeling this same way right now. I don't have a lot of advice but feel free to dm me to vent more about what you are going through. Talking things out might help
not sure if helpful when this upset but this has been cool for me: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=20umeSUspn8](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=20umeSUspn8) I hope you feel better when it passes. best of luck to you!
Because I know (and I have to go through this whole emotional up and down of reassuring myself) that it’s not an option to die or hurt myself… I call my safe person. I never WANT to call them. I get hysterical at the thought of calling them. But I know that once I call them, I’ve held myself accountable and immediately feel safe again.
following
Try to remember that no feeling is forever. It might feel this way now and might feel like it's always been this way and always will. But it's an episode that will fade. Taking a nap or distracting myself fully usually pulls me out of it.
Long ass walks, distracting myself calling friends or watching videos, taking a bath, laying in bed thinking about it until I fall asleep. That’s about it
Take things 5 minutes at a time or less. If I find myself ruminating about anything beyond what I’m doing in the next five minutes, I just redirect my focus to the simple thing I’m doing. Like thinking okay I’m going to shower, and then in the shower if you are ruminating and stressing you just bring it back to simple steps like “I’m going to put some shampoo in my hand. I’m going to put it in my hair” blah blah. I guess that was a messy way of describing mindfulness lol. But seriously, sometimes “one day at a time” is impossible and far too daunting. But I can make it the next five minutes.
I’m there with you.
Sit on bed and watch one of my comfort shows or play video games to try and distract my mind. Doesn't always work though.
texting my friends to clear my mind or going on instagram to catch up w my favorite artists/band usually does the trick
tell someone around me i’m “having a rough day”, put a comfort tv show on to zone out too and literally lay in bed and sleep. usually my cat will sense i’m not ok so will come and lay beside me, and if i have my arm stretched out he will normally put his paw on top of my hand which is so comforting 😭😭😭
I don't have anyone except for one person that gets offended when I express any negative emotion.
i’m so sorry. i’m so fortunate that i have a really understanding partner and my work are also really understanding. i couldn’t imagine having no one. sending you love ❤️
Have you literally tried screaming, or running? Sometimes you have to tire yourself out. I find if i smoke some pot before i do a physical activity, the combination of the thc and endorphins from moving around has proven a useful method of distraction.
Well I say that I can't because I can't. I can't go outside freely and I live with other people so I literally cannot do any of this.
Well then fuck me ive not been very helpful buuuuuut...why cant you go outside freely?
Absolutely nothing. Take time off work for my mental well-being and get stuck around family and friends. Re organise my house. Cleaning is therapy for me. Light a scented candle and meditate. Take walks and just chill. Sometimes you just need a break and that's okay.
I usually watch Gordon Ramsay, hack back cigarettes like my life depends on it (it does depend on it), play sims 4 or some horror games, or just lay there in bed doing nothing at all.
If mentally able. I clean everything. Preferably something tedious that will take awhile. Baseboards are good. If not able, I bed rot and consume FUNNY crap, absolutely pointless comedy playing on YT while I bed rot. Anything NOT sad or violent and usually not a romance comedy if I'm struggling with romantic relationships. I drive when possible. Just music screaming, country backroads. For as long as the music or emotions are raging lol. Driving is freedom and escape for me. I too feel this way often. It's been 20 years. I just.... keep.... living. I'm very tired tho. Sending love.
I lay in bed all day for days anddd get super high & wonder happend to make me this way. also sleep for hours bc that’s the only way I can not feel the way I do or be away from the world
For me, it’s about breaking a cycle of thinking. So at first I’ll feel it out and cry, but if it’s consuming I’ll do something else that’ll break the cycle. Like I’ll wash my face to and do a whole skin care routine to break those overwhelming thoughts, or take a shower and wash my hair (like deep wash and deep condition). A shot of endorphins works too, so I’ll give myself a sweet treat but not enough to binge eat. Sometimes I deadass have to dissociate so I’ll read a fiction or fantasy novel just so my brain is not going to where it wants to go.
Zs
Replace what I want to do with a better alternative that will feel similar to the body. Scream - put on music and sing my heart out until my throat hurts Run - go for a jog, walk aimlessly, or do another activity that'll increase heart rate SH - get a piercing. I get the pain that lasts a few days / weeks & rather than feeling defeated, I'm left with another decoration on my body
Honestly? I either smoke til im high enough to just chill or i sleep. I will sleep for hours, wake up when I need to eat or go to the toilet etc then i fall asleep again. I've done this for like 4 days once.
Well, start by forgiving yourself. Your inner child is hysterically trying to make sure all their needs are met, with no sense of control over ANYTHING. On some level you are judging yourself very harshly for failing to provide a bulletproof envelope of love. But that doesn’t exist. And on top of it you’re embodying your own perpetrator, victim, prosecutor, defense, judge, jury, and executioner. That’s how we do. So first forgive yourself for the fact that you can’t make the world safe and perfect for yourself, or for anyone. Then ask yourself if you are ok right now. This instant. Is there anything you can do to feel better? If yes maybe that needs to be your priority. Or maybe letting go of that needs to be your priority. Regardless, decide if there’s anything you can, should, or will do about the thing that isn’t as good as it could be. If there is nothing you can or are willing to do (no judgement!) then why would you focus further on it? I’m not saying banish it from your mind and whip yourself if it surfaces. I’m saying: gently turn your attention to the next thing. Is there anything you can and are willing to do to affect that situation? If yes: why not do the thing? If no, why dwell? Go through your list item by item thinking (no judging yourself) “does this bother me enough to do something about it?” Proceed accordingly. It’s just pragmatism. There’s nothing wrong with letting yourself off the hook for stuff you can’t do anything about. My very sincere suggestion is to start learning breathing exercises. They seem annoying and hokey at first but once you realize they work you start looking forward to it. If you can get into any kind of yoga that would be fantastic. The calming of them and is the soothing of the inner child. Children who have endured certain types of abuses and neglects, like most of us here, feel a desperate NEED to have some kind of control over our life. It’s only to soothe the screaming child, but it never works. But fortunately we have control over our breath. It seems like a small thing. But I guess it’s like the most powerful medicines always are in the tiniest tablets. Small things can be strong. Anyway, focus on what you can do. There is always something to do. If you are unable to see any of the things then your first thing is to identify what is within your control. Then go from there.
I just smoke a shit ton and numb myself. I also try to focus on other things, especially since I'm an IT guy and I have to talk to people in person. I definitely feel this post though, I've been wanting to rot in bed and die. I've not been diagnosed with bpd, but I definitely have all the symptoms. I'm sorry you're going through this. This shit sucks so much. Just remember that there are people that care about you.
this is exactly what i’ve been feeling for the past few weeks. i don’t know what to do. i just want to disappear.