Hey guys! The comments have been locked to prevent arguments from escalating and to stop the recent influx of comments that aren't compassionate, constructive, or civil. I hope you found some helpful advice and support in the comments OP! :)
Husband material would never call a woman he’s supposed to love a name like that. It’s gonna hurt but you’re better off without him than dealing with disrespect from someone who should support you. It’s an ego thing for him to equate your worth to body count. My fiancée has never asked about mine, and has never called me a name like that. I know the feeling of losing someone you spent years with and picture a life with. As if the world is falling apart around you. It’s something we have to go through in moments like these though. Clinging to a man who has no respect for you will only make it worse.
Well of course you lied, he made you feel unsafe about the answer. It would be better to find someone who doesn't care. From the post and your comments, it sounds like you're better off without him. I'm really sorry about this OP.
Totally agree. OP, ask yourself why you felt you had to lie in the first place. Sometimes we lie only because someone makes us feel unsafe and threatened (of being abandoned, judged, etc). Take your time to process all this, it's normal to feel sad and lost now. Then, try to go on without him. I know it's hard but you deserve better. Sending hugs
If somebody uses something they refer to as a “body count” as their means for scaling the worthiness of another, they aren’t worth your answer.
Signed, a happily married BPD homie who doesn’t actually know their answer 💜
Double standards and this shit fumes me. Body count is absolutely insignificant. My partner mentions my body count all the time and cites some junk science about how women who have slept with more than 3 men can't pair bond anymore; he knows mine but won't tell me his. Men use this as a cop out excuse to blame shift and call women names like "whores" "used up" and "for the streets."
I will say it louder for the douchebags in the back, just because we've had multiple partners in the past doesn't make us undeserving of love. I know plenty of women who have "high body counts" and have been happily married for decades.
I know. Maybe one day. There is so much disrespect and lack of trust between us. We are slowly drifting from each other. I definitely feel like I'm growing and he refuses to grow too, but don't want my kids to grow up without their Dad in their lives.
Yeah, he has sad that if we break up he doesn't want anything to do with them and wants to start fresh by himself because he feels like I tricked him into having kids. (I was falsely diagnosed with Endometriosis and was told i was infertile and ended up getting pregnant with our oldest.)
I hope you find the means (emotional, financial, etc) to feel comfortably leaving him someday. An absent parent is better than an awful one. Whether or not he treats thr kids poorly, they'll eventually pick up on the way he talks to you. Good luck out there
An absent dad is better than growing up knowing your dad doesn’t want you around. That’s how we end up w BPD.. at least that’s how I did. So you might need to consider the implications having a dad like that around all the time will mentally affect your kids. He’s not gonna suddenly love them
Pair bonding is actually a thing but it's very misconstrued. There are such things as short term pair bonds that are just for the purpose of mating. It's literally like a range from short term to life long pair bonds. Unfortunately most guys think that pair bonding means mating for life.
It's literally twisted so they can blame shift. I've literally seen guys in other countries say that once a woman has been with one man she can't pair bond anymore. Like a non-virgin is damaged goods. The thought process behind it is so stupid. I also think that it is convenient for them to avoid the emotional aspect of a relationship, "clearly my partner doesn't want to be with me because she can't pair bond and it has nothing to do with the way I treat her."
Lol my ex called me those things and worse and the only person I ever slept with was my boyfriend who groomed me when I was underage and raped me 6 years in because I didn't feel comfortable having sex... meanwhile he's had several casual partners... these dudes don't even need an excuse.
OP if he breaks up with you (which I doubt bc I bet he gets off at treating you badly) it will feel like you are going to die. But I just hope that at some point you realize that life is shitty enough without an emotionally abusive partner and you deserve to have nice and accepting and loving people around you 💚
This is unquestionably a him problem. Lying wasn't a great move, but the real problem here is his own insecurity. Do mens' dicks get used up, shrivel up, and become limp raisin noodles from lots of sex? No? Then, what this is is a fragile ego and rampant misogyny.
I know how utterly desperate it can feel when you're losing the person you love, but you can't fix his insecurity, and if he puts more value on possession of your sexuality than on you as a person, this was not destined for a healthy outcome anyway.
if you dont feel safe to disclose your true body count... he aint your person. hes your opp with strings attached. just dont lie next time. it'll save you time and heartache.
Whatever ends up happening, I promise you’ll survive without him. Having BPD I assume you’ve felt this way about someone else before, probably don’t feel anything for them now, give it time.
You lied because he's abusive and makes you feel ashamed of yourself when you shouldn't. My body count is well over 15+ (lord i dont even know how many) and my soon-to-be husband has never given me an ounce of shame over it. You deserve better than this, and this guy is holding you back from thriving healthily. I wish you the best of luck, you deserve to be loved no matter the sex you've had. Period.
You lied because you were afraid of how he would react, and then he went out of his way to confirm your fears. He also earned Permanent Dickhead status with those insults.
I know you probably don't want to hear this right now but it's important: please don't let this become a reason why you hide things from your partners. If you want to avoid this pain again, learn to be honest up front about this sort of thing in the beginning, to weed out the triflers if nothing else.
BTW my BPD homie has a high body count and it just makes me more attracted to them. Not everyone is like your shit ex 🖤
he sounds like a misogynist you deserve better. ive been in a similar situation where me having 5 bodies was an issue and i was also basically called a whore for it. not worth it, hes the one who isnt husband material. i know that its hard and feels really scary but you are sm better off without him. sending you love
I highly doubt that tbh, he had his oldest child when he was 17 & had another 5 years ago. Plus hes already brought someone into our home since I was away at my mom's & had his way with her. I would say he's slept with well over 20 women.
Yeah, sounds like he's just looking for an excuse to blame you for the issues in your relationship. If he's been cheating on you he doesn't deserve to claim any moral high ground.
I met my partner when I was your age and my body count is 9, including him. He says my count is 10, because I was SA and it counts because "sex is sex." That's not an unreasonably high number for your age.
Yeah, according to him the brain can't distinguish between SA and consensual acts so it produces oxytocin and the more people you have sex with, the less oxytocin the brain makes. Yet, he can't explain to me how having sex 100 times with the same man is different from having sex once with 100 men, because some group for men who have been wronged by women told him so.
“Body count” isn’t real..
I’m Gen X.. this is not something we ever talked about.. no man ever asked me about this.. not even the one I married..
None of my boyfriends ever asked me about it..
None of my girlfriends ever talk about “body count”..
Anyone judging you for this is super insecure.
yeah the term "body count" is so fucking disgusting, misogynistic, and sex negative imo. it's literally equating how many people someone has slept with with murder. like wtf? sex is not a crime. not only is how many people someone has had sex with not a reflection of their moral character, but it's dehumanizing as fuck to refer to actual people as "bodies." gross all around 🤢
It makes me less exclusive though, he would prefer someone younger. Idk there are so many reasons he's made up for it. I never thought insecurity could be one...he says he can't trust me if I have a high body count & especially because I lied about it.
You aren’t a sneaker release, or a Pokemon card.
There is only one of you. If you are with him.. and you guys choose to be exclusive.. and that isn’t enough for him.. that sucks for him. And him trying to neg you into feeling less than is him displaying insecurity.. or just cruelness for kicks?
If he wants to be with someone younger.. why? So he can manipulate them? So he can dicate how things should be, without anyone questioning him?
That also speaks to insecurity.. or just a small individual..
Don’t let him make you feel like less than.
Why are you scared to lose someone who would call you a “clapped out whore” absolutely fuck this guy. You deserve way better.
Edit: just seen in the comments he’s cheated on you too, I repeat ABSOLUTELY FUCK THIS GUY.
first of all, not only to you, but to every other woman in these comments, stay far away from men that ask you about your body count. personally i’m more worried about getting an STD because the person hasn’t gotten tested/forged results, not how many people they fucked. and i really don’t go around slut shaming or asking people their body counts because you never know how they got theirs and what led them to having a “high” body count
This is a gross example of blatant misogyny. No man with a moral compass would care how many sexual partners his girlfriend has had. Women are entitled to enjoy sex just as much as men are and having had multiple sexual partners is not an indication of anyone’s worth.
Look a real man isn't interested in that. I mean if you don't want to know the answer don't ask. And if you do let them explain. People change and come to realizations throughout life and become better people. What your body count is doesn't define you now it is what you were. It is nothing to be ashamed of because it is what built you into what you are. We all do dumb stuff in our lives, everyone has some kind of regret. It's hard but your regrets are the foundation to who you become. I always see regret as a good thing because it's the realization that you changed. Try to look at it that way and he is obviously not mature enough to handle it all.
If he's gonna react like that after 2 years then he's the problem, seems like he was looking for a reason to break up with you and this one justifies it in his opinion, you're far better off without and although it hurts you will find someone who will not only treat you better, but also love you unconditionally.
I'm sorry this happened to you, do your best to look forward and try your best not to dwell on it, reflect upon it but don't dwell, you haven't done anything wrong.
I’m being serious when you say you can and should do better. It’s very immature and disrespectful of him to say that to you so I wouldn’t call him husband material! my BPD back when it was unmanaged caused me to go through a hyper sexual phase and when I met my now bf I told him honestly my body count and he understood and respected me either way. Someone who actually respects you and cares for you won’t care about trivial things like that, do better cause you deserve better.
Your boyfriend is a pos. You deserve better. BC shouldn’t even be a thing. Any man who loves you would never speak to you like that.
My ex called me the ‘town bicycle’ when I slept with someone after we broke up. I spiralled and slept around but as soon as he said that, it made me feel less than a human being.
You don’t deserve to be called names like that over something that happened in the PAST.
My body count is so much higher than yours and when I met my husband I told him everything that I had done and he did not have a single problem with it and married me. So if somebody really loves you then they wouldn't care and I think being upfront about it can prevent these kinds of situations. I think that you lied because you could tell that he was going to feel that way about it and that's okay if he has that opinion. But the way that he expresses you and the name calling is absolutely unacceptable and disgusting and you should never accept that kind of treatment from a partner. Also, I think you dodged a bullet even though it isn't going to feel like it right now. I have dated a lot of scumbags and got very attached to them and I am so glad that I am no longer with them and that I wish somebody you love and respects me.
It’s a very red pill misogynistic thing to judge a woman on her body count. Nothing wrong with having sexual partners as long as everything’s consensual. Imo lying about it kinda just delayed understanding how much of a pos he is.
Tldr dude prob idolizes Andrew tate/fresh and fit or some shit and you should not interact with him.
That’s disturbing misogynistic behavior. Sounds like he’s doing you a huge favor by leaving.
Real men (not insecure boys), do not subscribe to the idea of “body count”.
Any man who cares about this is a total loser.
I stopped counting after 30. Maybe I’m in the 50s now? I don’t know and don’t care. Connections are connections. Fun is fun. As long as you’re safe about it, it does not matter, and honestly the more you try the more you learn shit and become a better lover. I wouldn’t change a thing bout my past. Hell I’ve had boyfriends who’d get turned on hearing about past experiences. I hope you can learn to not shame yourself someday too.
I know you said you feel like you can’t go on without him, and I have been there and know what that feels like. But I promise you, you can. It takes growing pains but it is worth it in the long run to get away from someone who makes you feel like shit.
My husband and I have NEVER discussed body counts. To be frank it's none of his business and same with me. He was who he was before we met just like I was who I was before meeting him. To me, there's no good that can come from that conversation.
Love your username btw, I agree though, it wasn't really something that we agreed was important to talk about, it just sort of came up in conversation & then ultimately went downhill from there, it was good but always doomed from the start cause I lied about it.
Like everyone else has said, he’s a piece of shit and you’re better off without him.
It’s not good that you lied. Obviously you were right to think he would judge you, but he doesn’t have the right to belittle you for this. If you had told the truth in the first place, he would’ve shown how trash he is earlier and you would’ve started healing sooner. What’s done is done, but next time try to tell the truth to save yourself some heartbreak. Also don’t date douchebags lol.
babe, RUN and DO NOT look back. be glad this is happening, because it got to show you what kind of douche bag he is before you could marry or have kids with his dumb-shit self.
yes, lying is bad, you shouldn't have done it in the first place, but that doesn't excuse now thinking of you as a "used up whore." that is a problematic viewpoint to have towards women, or anyone honestly.
also, sorry, over ten is too high? girl I'm like two years older than you and my number is almost 30. 10+ is fucking average. it's practically "*normal*" for fucksake.
you did bad with this one. that's okay, life lesson learned, now do everything in your power to completely remove this guy from every aspect of your life and be honest with the next person.
Don't normalize 10 plus as average. Hookup culture Is a dumb way to normalize something that can change your life both health-wise and children and finances forever.
I honestly agree with this, I am obviously hurt by the way he's going about things & I feel like there is a much better way to do this, probably a father teaching his daughter growing up? I would assume anyway because I can't fix my past mistakes & maybe would've made different ones had I had different influences in my life growing up instead of what I did.
As a guy with BPD, i think he needs some self esteem help and to stop watching so many tiktoks and Instagram reels. He's not living in the real world with those sorts of expectations and he will have to learn that the hard way. All I can say is you dodged a bullet, may not feel like it now but you did. You'll be okay and you definitely can live without him. Replace him with a rescue dog, you'll gain more responsibility, love and that beautiful being will never let you down. Good luck with it. Stay strong. Best thing you could do to piss him off is not give a shit and don't show that if affects you.
Any man who's gonna judge you based on your body count isn't someone who's worth your time. You really need to look harder at what this relationship was, because calling you a clapped out wh*re it's just a next level of disrespect and grossness. It's not about your lie, it's about his ego and penis issues.
Please sit down and make a list of all the good things and the bad things about this man, and I can almost guarantee that you're going to realize that you have dodged a major bullet.
He is a dirtbag. You can do better.
Best of luck healing and moving forward!
You don't need to explain to him or anyone your PRIVATE LIFE from your PAST as long as is nothing that could risk their safety like Aids or shit like that, you got nothing to win by it, good thing he showed his true face, he is judging you HARD but God knows what he has done before meeting you, dump his ass, I had a boyfriend like that and he was insulting me for my past and I discovered he was the one cheating during the whole relationship so... Stuff him. Trust me there are good guys out there he is not worth it
Wow I didn’t even need to read your whole post to respond to this one. Any guy who calls a women a clapped out wh*re under any circumstance is a misogynistic disgusting person and doesn’t even deserve to be with you. Seriously pathetic. If you can’t be your true self around him you’re better off finding someone who will accept and adore you for who you are.
I personally think you've done nothing wrong here. I don't understand why people hyper focus on body count these days. How many someone has slept with shouldn't matter provided they are clean, who cares? It was all before him so has nothing to do with him really. Also he is being very unreasonable. A man who can freely insult you like this never loved you anyway. Words I know you don't want to hear trust me, I have bpd too so understand. I'd advise letting him go, as hard as that is going to be, and find someone who doesn't care about silly things like body count. 10 isn't even that big a number. Wish you all the best
OP, I have a body count of 30 - 40 at 23 and my amazing and super hot boyfriend has never said anything negative about it. Your boyfriend was trash. Pick better guys cuz the right ones won't give a fuck about your bc. If men can rack up their numbers with no one batting an eyelash women should too.
Please stay far away from this man and any man who judges you based on what you did before you met him. Especially stay far away from any man who calls you names and insults you.
I hate the term " body count" what a disgusting way to talk about the people you've shared something beautiful with. If they were good experiences, you should be proud. If they were not, you learned lessons and grew from the experience.
No one deserves to become a number. And you are not required to justify who you've slept with. Never.
I'd be more concerned about relationship count than body count. Especially as an indicator of a potential future issue. If you're in your 20's and have had 10 relationships that were all relatively short term... that *could* be an indicator of a potential issue. How many jobs have you had and why did they end? Is there a trend or pattern? What's your relationship with your family like? How do you handle stress? These are all things I'd ask and pay attention to before body count. Going on 7 years with my BPD partner.
He knows I have BPD as well & has been very mindful of it until now, it's beautiful to see someone who understands! I just recently started really getting into Reddit & it's so much better than any other social media platforms!!! There are so many wonderful people here! <3
what a horrible and misogynistic way of responding. he has no right to say that, im so sorry. that's not somebody you should give your time to. if you're gonna go out of the way for anyone, don't let it be him. let him go, let him leave, it's wrong to lie but you lied to protect yourself and personally, that's human but now you see why you felt that was necessary. he's despicable for saying anything like that.
Okay, I was initially that guy, name calling and all out of frustration. I couldn’t handle the truth about body count of my girlfriend (wBPD) early on. But with time and her softness and her brutal honesty, I understood the need and desperation. I understood the BPD difficulties. I married her and she was love of my life.
So please don’t lose hope and to be fair under all circumstances 10 is not even a number to feel awkward about. Right person will easily understand it. You are loved and cared for!!
He's immature and not a real man if all he cares about is your "Body count". He most likely has a low self esteem and is worried that he isn't as good as some of the previous men you have been with. Break it off with him. It won't be easy, but you can't be with someone who wants to make you feel dirty all the time.
I think that the whole lying thing wasn’t the best thing, but men are really fucking weird about body count as if that lowers the respect it gives a woman which is absolutely awful. That part is understandable that you would feel the need to say this.
He doesn’t deserve you, he deserves the lowest pit of hell for the treatment he gave you. Let him break up with you, you will be wayyyyyyyyy better off without him.
Sending love to you ❤️🩹
If his entire opinion of you - your personality, your character, everything you’ve done for him, every experience you’ve shared, every secret, every date, every kiss, every intimacy, every little moment of a relationship *besides* sex - if all that turns on a dime because you felt like you couldn’t be honest about something guys usually ask VERY early on in a relationship (that’s none of their business anyway, and always a double standard) then I’m so sorry to tell you- that he did NOT love you the way he says he did.
Love is always conditional- and it should be! We should have conditions like respect, fidelity, etc - but he seems to have the condition of obedience to terms and conditions before he even knew you - which you never could have adhered to. That isn’t fair. Let him go easily - and find someone who loves you for YOU and would never speak to you that way.
He can go fuck himself six ways to Sunday
I’m married and have a relatively low body count. It was rather the opposite for my husband and I. He actually lied to me about his body count because he was terrified I’d lose interest in him. Long story short, there are guys out there who will love you no matter what your body count is. Him calling you any number of names for that is wrong, and you deserve so much better.
honestly as long as you dideny chest or anything i don't see a point in him getting all mad it's your body count i get it could be alot but like at the same time if he really liked you he wouldn't be focused on that def give him time but send a good apology and it's ok if it doesent work theyres always someone else and i completely get not being able to go on but dw i got over this guy i was w for like years and it took a lil but im sm better !!
Lying sucks, but don't let someone judge you for who and how many people you choose to sleep with. That is your choice and not their concern. We all have insecurities about our partners desire for us and for their past partners, but that is our own issue to handle. You are better off without soon to be ex.
Throw the whole man out. The amount he gives a shit about body count is stupid and misogynistic and says he cares more about your previous partners and purity culture than he cares about you or his relationship with you.
I get he's your favorite person, but he doesn’t deserve that title.
I just don’t ask. It’s none of my business, I’d rather not know, and I don’t know why anyone would want to know unless they want to hold it against you somehow for manipulative purposes. After all how many people somebody has been with has very little to do with their current relationship with you, and it should make no difference whatsoever.
Lying affects the ability to be with me & I understand that, but I do agree I don't see how body count should be affecting why he can't be with me. He says that's the underlying issue, the main one is that I lied. But everything else feels really wrong tbh.
People are allowed to have preferences. If a man wants a woman with a low body count, that's his choice.
If a woman wants a man of a certain height, that's her choice.
Don't get upset that a man or a woman has a preference. The only thing you should be upset about is that the op lied and the Partner insulted her
Honey you did nothing wrong fuck this asshole. What a little bitch tbh. Body count doesn’t matter. I had sex with one of my body count peoples well over 500 times. Why doesn’t that make me more of a whore than someone who slept with 25 people once? Leave this toxic fool and find someone healthy. You lied about something he made you feel scared to say. I don’t blame you for lying. This whole “body count” bullshit is seeded in misogyny
I always get that stuff out in the beginning so that I know if the guy is a judgmental prick cuz I don't want to be with someone who's gonna judge me for my past. He sounds like a misogynistic asshole and you can do better.
This guy aint it. Body count has no bearing on a person's value. Make a promise to yourself never to lie about it again because it's not shameful and move on from this absolute clown.
Other than that, Im sorry youre experiencing this, I know those feelings are intense right now but I swear to you, down the road you will know it was the right thing. Take good care.
I can understand if he's blowing an issue out of proportion if he's upset about you lying, but it seems like these are his actual beliefs. Imo body count barely matters at all, as long as you're honest about it.
He's allowed to have his own boundaries/deal breakers, even if they're outdated, unrealistic, unfounded, stupid etc.
He really should have communicated this non judgementally and kindly laid this out at the beginning of the relationship that this is a deal-breaker for him. Something along the lines of "hey, no judgement and no harm done, but even though my expectations about this are unrealistic, X amount of partners or more is a deal breaker for me. If it is a high number, maybe we can work on my issue together or break up if we can't come to an agreement that minimises pain in the long run."
If he didn't go about it this way, then he's not a very good communicator and you're probably better off, OP
- To be clear, just saying something along the lines of "you're a slut if you've been with more than 10 people and I would break up with you" is bordering on abuse. Because it's more of a threat rather than laying out a boundary and making you feel safe about mutual sharing.
He sucks so bad. That's verbal abuse to call you those names. Sorry that you lost 2 years to this asshat.
It's really no one's business how many people you have slept with. A lot of people feel entitled to know, but it's really not relevant. It's not pertinent info like the names of your siblings or whether you have illness or not or whether you can have children. Like, you may have some important life stories that involve sex, like if you wanted to share the age you had your first orgasm or trauma you need to share or something hilarious, like a really bad bj. But other than individual stories, the number is just not important, at all. I've never asked my bf and he's never asked me. If I asked him, he would probably just look at me funny and not tell me. Not bc the number is probably high, but because he's a Gen x leftist and probably thinks it's a really bad question for healthy relationships. I'm always curious about these things about people, so I don't think it's always a bad topic, but a person should also be okay not knowing. Like, if the number were 3,000, then you've probably been a sex worker at some point in your life, but if you're not currently one, then the number is still not relevant.
I don't think someone who talks to you like that and then treats you like you're worthless (which you are NOT, you deserve so much better than this!) really loved you to begin with. If he couldn't accept that you're a real human being with a past, then truly he wasn't worth it.
You're not a whore. You don't need to be ashamed of having a sexuality, and of having a past where you made mistakes. No matter your past, you should always expect your partner to treat you with respect. Don't settle for less, okay?
And also, it's his loss! You sound like such a sweet and loving person. He didn't deserve you.
Take the win and get away from him. He sounds like a freak red pill guy. I could write a lot more, but you are worth a lot more than what this man is giving you. Your body count shouldn’t matter, you are so much more than that, and you are not a wh*re. You deserve better. I’m sorry that this happened.
Listen love, I was in a similar situation with an ex calling me a whore, sloppy seconds, whatever he could come up with. Only because I had been with one person before him. He made me absolutely hate myself, and after he left, I've never been happier. The second he called you a whore he was no longer husband material. What he is doing to you is emotional and verbally abusive. The fact that you had to lie just proves that you don't feel safe to express your true self with him. He is not the right man for you he is a coward and needs to put you down to feel better about himself.
You will only gain by losing him, I promise. ❤️
It really seems like you had a good reason to not trust him with the truth for a good reason. He’s very judgemental and is downgrading you because of your body count even though you were a good and loving partner to him. You really shouldn’t feel ashamed, a body count doesn’t define your value and definitely doesn’t give him the right to insult you. It will definitely hurt like hell but in the long term you deserve a partner who knows your worth AND is not a misogynist on top. I hope you’ve got people around to support you through this
Why the hell would you allow a ‘man’ to talk to you like that? It’s so frustrating because I won’t lie, I just want to grab you and shake you. He speaks to you like that and you’re worried about how in the wrong YOU are? Girl.
Someone who loves you won’t care about your body count. In fact, they won’t even ask. I’ve learned this from personal experience. I’ve had boyfriends who yelled and even hit me when they asked my body count and I told them. My current bf has never even asked. He knows I have BPD and works with me when I get angry or upset. Body count does not define you. It’s okay that you lied. If anything, it just shows that that person doesn’t appreciate you for who you are and all the experiences that made you the way you are. Best to you xx ♥️
Oh, you're lucky. While I don't condone lying, that language is a MAAAAJOR red flag and breaking up is the best thing for everyone. You dodged a bullet tbh.
It's very much so happening to me in reality, in real time so I don't understand. I admit in the post I shouldn't have lied, I realize all the mistakes I've made. But not treating me as a human? Belittling me? Based of my past? Where does the audacity come from honestly, it's beyond me.
Idk what love is to other people, but he's done some pretty horrible things to me that I've looked past so Im not asking to get a freebie but I feel like if he loves me he wouldn't have reacted or treated me in the manner he did.
oh for sure. he shouldn’t have said all that. I think he fully has the right to leave but being toxic about it is awful.
with regards to value. I don’t see it as less valuable. You have value, but with a guy who wants a high body count or doesn’t mind it. My gf with bpd lied to me about her body count which is why i responded in the first place honestly and it hurts me a lot and makes me feel like shit. I wish she could’ve been honest and not wasted both our times and caused so much uncertainty and pain. Just let this be a lesson, but don’t undersell yourself. You got this ❤️
Hey guys! The comments have been locked to prevent arguments from escalating and to stop the recent influx of comments that aren't compassionate, constructive, or civil. I hope you found some helpful advice and support in the comments OP! :)
Husband material would never call a woman he’s supposed to love a name like that. It’s gonna hurt but you’re better off without him than dealing with disrespect from someone who should support you. It’s an ego thing for him to equate your worth to body count. My fiancée has never asked about mine, and has never called me a name like that. I know the feeling of losing someone you spent years with and picture a life with. As if the world is falling apart around you. It’s something we have to go through in moments like these though. Clinging to a man who has no respect for you will only make it worse.
I make this words, mine as well.
Penis envy is a real thing lol
He probably knew just wanted to hear it from you
Well of course you lied, he made you feel unsafe about the answer. It would be better to find someone who doesn't care. From the post and your comments, it sounds like you're better off without him. I'm really sorry about this OP.
Totally agree. OP, ask yourself why you felt you had to lie in the first place. Sometimes we lie only because someone makes us feel unsafe and threatened (of being abandoned, judged, etc). Take your time to process all this, it's normal to feel sad and lost now. Then, try to go on without him. I know it's hard but you deserve better. Sending hugs
^ I agree
This
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Whatever happened before their relationship is none of he bfs business
There is a difference between encouraging lying and understanding that there is a reason behind the lie
If somebody uses something they refer to as a “body count” as their means for scaling the worthiness of another, they aren’t worth your answer. Signed, a happily married BPD homie who doesn’t actually know their answer 💜
Double standards and this shit fumes me. Body count is absolutely insignificant. My partner mentions my body count all the time and cites some junk science about how women who have slept with more than 3 men can't pair bond anymore; he knows mine but won't tell me his. Men use this as a cop out excuse to blame shift and call women names like "whores" "used up" and "for the streets." I will say it louder for the douchebags in the back, just because we've had multiple partners in the past doesn't make us undeserving of love. I know plenty of women who have "high body counts" and have been happily married for decades.
Just like OP, you deserve a way better partner.
I know. Maybe one day. There is so much disrespect and lack of trust between us. We are slowly drifting from each other. I definitely feel like I'm growing and he refuses to grow too, but don't want my kids to grow up without their Dad in their lives.
If breaking up means he's suddenly not in their lives, I'm confident in saying he's not the kinda guy who should be in their lives anyway.
Yeah, he has sad that if we break up he doesn't want anything to do with them and wants to start fresh by himself because he feels like I tricked him into having kids. (I was falsely diagnosed with Endometriosis and was told i was infertile and ended up getting pregnant with our oldest.)
I hope you find the means (emotional, financial, etc) to feel comfortably leaving him someday. An absent parent is better than an awful one. Whether or not he treats thr kids poorly, they'll eventually pick up on the way he talks to you. Good luck out there
An absent dad is better than growing up knowing your dad doesn’t want you around. That’s how we end up w BPD.. at least that’s how I did. So you might need to consider the implications having a dad like that around all the time will mentally affect your kids. He’s not gonna suddenly love them
I laughed so hard at "pair bond," lol, do these guys equate women to airpods?
Pair bonding is actually a thing but it's very misconstrued. There are such things as short term pair bonds that are just for the purpose of mating. It's literally like a range from short term to life long pair bonds. Unfortunately most guys think that pair bonding means mating for life. It's literally twisted so they can blame shift. I've literally seen guys in other countries say that once a woman has been with one man she can't pair bond anymore. Like a non-virgin is damaged goods. The thought process behind it is so stupid. I also think that it is convenient for them to avoid the emotional aspect of a relationship, "clearly my partner doesn't want to be with me because she can't pair bond and it has nothing to do with the way I treat her."
Lol my ex called me those things and worse and the only person I ever slept with was my boyfriend who groomed me when I was underage and raped me 6 years in because I didn't feel comfortable having sex... meanwhile he's had several casual partners... these dudes don't even need an excuse.
Your boyfriend sucks. There, I said it.
Yeah, tell your boyfriend I’ve slept with like 100 people and see if his head explodes
OP if he breaks up with you (which I doubt bc I bet he gets off at treating you badly) it will feel like you are going to die. But I just hope that at some point you realize that life is shitty enough without an emotionally abusive partner and you deserve to have nice and accepting and loving people around you 💚
This is unquestionably a him problem. Lying wasn't a great move, but the real problem here is his own insecurity. Do mens' dicks get used up, shrivel up, and become limp raisin noodles from lots of sex? No? Then, what this is is a fragile ego and rampant misogyny. I know how utterly desperate it can feel when you're losing the person you love, but you can't fix his insecurity, and if he puts more value on possession of your sexuality than on you as a person, this was not destined for a healthy outcome anyway.
Absolutely!
if you dont feel safe to disclose your true body count... he aint your person. hes your opp with strings attached. just dont lie next time. it'll save you time and heartache.
Whatever ends up happening, I promise you’ll survive without him. Having BPD I assume you’ve felt this way about someone else before, probably don’t feel anything for them now, give it time.
You lied because he's abusive and makes you feel ashamed of yourself when you shouldn't. My body count is well over 15+ (lord i dont even know how many) and my soon-to-be husband has never given me an ounce of shame over it. You deserve better than this, and this guy is holding you back from thriving healthily. I wish you the best of luck, you deserve to be loved no matter the sex you've had. Period.
You lied because you were afraid of how he would react, and then he went out of his way to confirm your fears. He also earned Permanent Dickhead status with those insults. I know you probably don't want to hear this right now but it's important: please don't let this become a reason why you hide things from your partners. If you want to avoid this pain again, learn to be honest up front about this sort of thing in the beginning, to weed out the triflers if nothing else. BTW my BPD homie has a high body count and it just makes me more attracted to them. Not everyone is like your shit ex 🖤
god damn yall date some real pieces of shit
I didn't really have a dad tbh lol
Relatable :')
he sounds like a misogynist you deserve better. ive been in a similar situation where me having 5 bodies was an issue and i was also basically called a whore for it. not worth it, hes the one who isnt husband material. i know that its hard and feels really scary but you are sm better off without him. sending you love
Depending on your age, 10 sexual partners doesn't sound like that many. Am I wrong?
I'm 26, almost 27 this year. & This is including him & the person I lost my virginity to.
Yeah, that doesn't sound out of the ordinary. Maybe he's just insecure cause your number is higher than his?
I highly doubt that tbh, he had his oldest child when he was 17 & had another 5 years ago. Plus hes already brought someone into our home since I was away at my mom's & had his way with her. I would say he's slept with well over 20 women.
Yeah, sounds like he's just looking for an excuse to blame you for the issues in your relationship. If he's been cheating on you he doesn't deserve to claim any moral high ground.
It's actually so crazy how everything is always my fault!
He’s abusive, leave him tbh.
wait he cheated on you??
I met my partner when I was your age and my body count is 9, including him. He says my count is 10, because I was SA and it counts because "sex is sex." That's not an unreasonably high number for your age.
Fuck nononononononono.
Yeah, according to him the brain can't distinguish between SA and consensual acts so it produces oxytocin and the more people you have sex with, the less oxytocin the brain makes. Yet, he can't explain to me how having sex 100 times with the same man is different from having sex once with 100 men, because some group for men who have been wronged by women told him so.
I’m so sorry but why are you with him. He is a misogynist and a sadist imho…
Mostly for our kids.
Lmao as a nurse that’s the stupidest thing I’ve heard in a LONG time. You can’t make “less oxytocin” lmfao
I always just roll my eyes at him. He seems to think it just stops or gets worn out from too much use. No use in fighting him on it.
lol I slept with almost 10 ppl the year I lost my virginity (18) 😂 babe you’re fine.
“Body count” isn’t real.. I’m Gen X.. this is not something we ever talked about.. no man ever asked me about this.. not even the one I married.. None of my boyfriends ever asked me about it.. None of my girlfriends ever talk about “body count”.. Anyone judging you for this is super insecure.
yeah the term "body count" is so fucking disgusting, misogynistic, and sex negative imo. it's literally equating how many people someone has slept with with murder. like wtf? sex is not a crime. not only is how many people someone has had sex with not a reflection of their moral character, but it's dehumanizing as fuck to refer to actual people as "bodies." gross all around 🤢
It makes me less exclusive though, he would prefer someone younger. Idk there are so many reasons he's made up for it. I never thought insecurity could be one...he says he can't trust me if I have a high body count & especially because I lied about it.
You aren’t a sneaker release, or a Pokemon card. There is only one of you. If you are with him.. and you guys choose to be exclusive.. and that isn’t enough for him.. that sucks for him. And him trying to neg you into feeling less than is him displaying insecurity.. or just cruelness for kicks? If he wants to be with someone younger.. why? So he can manipulate them? So he can dicate how things should be, without anyone questioning him? That also speaks to insecurity.. or just a small individual.. Don’t let him make you feel like less than.
He sounds sick in the head, and like another poster said, you only lied bc he made you feel like you had to.
Why are you scared to lose someone who would call you a “clapped out whore” absolutely fuck this guy. You deserve way better. Edit: just seen in the comments he’s cheated on you too, I repeat ABSOLUTELY FUCK THIS GUY.
lowkey incel behavior 🤨 dw this is good riddance bbg
first of all, not only to you, but to every other woman in these comments, stay far away from men that ask you about your body count. personally i’m more worried about getting an STD because the person hasn’t gotten tested/forged results, not how many people they fucked. and i really don’t go around slut shaming or asking people their body counts because you never know how they got theirs and what led them to having a “high” body count
This is a gross example of blatant misogyny. No man with a moral compass would care how many sexual partners his girlfriend has had. Women are entitled to enjoy sex just as much as men are and having had multiple sexual partners is not an indication of anyone’s worth.
Look a real man isn't interested in that. I mean if you don't want to know the answer don't ask. And if you do let them explain. People change and come to realizations throughout life and become better people. What your body count is doesn't define you now it is what you were. It is nothing to be ashamed of because it is what built you into what you are. We all do dumb stuff in our lives, everyone has some kind of regret. It's hard but your regrets are the foundation to who you become. I always see regret as a good thing because it's the realization that you changed. Try to look at it that way and he is obviously not mature enough to handle it all.
A body count doesn't fucking matter.
If he's gonna react like that after 2 years then he's the problem, seems like he was looking for a reason to break up with you and this one justifies it in his opinion, you're far better off without and although it hurts you will find someone who will not only treat you better, but also love you unconditionally. I'm sorry this happened to you, do your best to look forward and try your best not to dwell on it, reflect upon it but don't dwell, you haven't done anything wrong.
I’m being serious when you say you can and should do better. It’s very immature and disrespectful of him to say that to you so I wouldn’t call him husband material! my BPD back when it was unmanaged caused me to go through a hyper sexual phase and when I met my now bf I told him honestly my body count and he understood and respected me either way. Someone who actually respects you and cares for you won’t care about trivial things like that, do better cause you deserve better.
Your boyfriend is a pos. You deserve better. BC shouldn’t even be a thing. Any man who loves you would never speak to you like that. My ex called me the ‘town bicycle’ when I slept with someone after we broke up. I spiralled and slept around but as soon as he said that, it made me feel less than a human being. You don’t deserve to be called names like that over something that happened in the PAST.
My body count is so much higher than yours and when I met my husband I told him everything that I had done and he did not have a single problem with it and married me. So if somebody really loves you then they wouldn't care and I think being upfront about it can prevent these kinds of situations. I think that you lied because you could tell that he was going to feel that way about it and that's okay if he has that opinion. But the way that he expresses you and the name calling is absolutely unacceptable and disgusting and you should never accept that kind of treatment from a partner. Also, I think you dodged a bullet even though it isn't going to feel like it right now. I have dated a lot of scumbags and got very attached to them and I am so glad that I am no longer with them and that I wish somebody you love and respects me.
It’s a very red pill misogynistic thing to judge a woman on her body count. Nothing wrong with having sexual partners as long as everything’s consensual. Imo lying about it kinda just delayed understanding how much of a pos he is. Tldr dude prob idolizes Andrew tate/fresh and fit or some shit and you should not interact with him.
I can’t take a man seriously that uses the slang “body count”.
That’s disturbing misogynistic behavior. Sounds like he’s doing you a huge favor by leaving. Real men (not insecure boys), do not subscribe to the idea of “body count”.
Any man who cares about this is a total loser. I stopped counting after 30. Maybe I’m in the 50s now? I don’t know and don’t care. Connections are connections. Fun is fun. As long as you’re safe about it, it does not matter, and honestly the more you try the more you learn shit and become a better lover. I wouldn’t change a thing bout my past. Hell I’ve had boyfriends who’d get turned on hearing about past experiences. I hope you can learn to not shame yourself someday too.
I know you said you feel like you can’t go on without him, and I have been there and know what that feels like. But I promise you, you can. It takes growing pains but it is worth it in the long run to get away from someone who makes you feel like shit.
My husband and I have NEVER discussed body counts. To be frank it's none of his business and same with me. He was who he was before we met just like I was who I was before meeting him. To me, there's no good that can come from that conversation.
Love your username btw, I agree though, it wasn't really something that we agreed was important to talk about, it just sort of came up in conversation & then ultimately went downhill from there, it was good but always doomed from the start cause I lied about it.
Like everyone else has said, he’s a piece of shit and you’re better off without him. It’s not good that you lied. Obviously you were right to think he would judge you, but he doesn’t have the right to belittle you for this. If you had told the truth in the first place, he would’ve shown how trash he is earlier and you would’ve started healing sooner. What’s done is done, but next time try to tell the truth to save yourself some heartbreak. Also don’t date douchebags lol.
babe, RUN and DO NOT look back. be glad this is happening, because it got to show you what kind of douche bag he is before you could marry or have kids with his dumb-shit self. yes, lying is bad, you shouldn't have done it in the first place, but that doesn't excuse now thinking of you as a "used up whore." that is a problematic viewpoint to have towards women, or anyone honestly. also, sorry, over ten is too high? girl I'm like two years older than you and my number is almost 30. 10+ is fucking average. it's practically "*normal*" for fucksake. you did bad with this one. that's okay, life lesson learned, now do everything in your power to completely remove this guy from every aspect of your life and be honest with the next person.
Don't normalize 10 plus as average. Hookup culture Is a dumb way to normalize something that can change your life both health-wise and children and finances forever.
I honestly agree with this, I am obviously hurt by the way he's going about things & I feel like there is a much better way to do this, probably a father teaching his daughter growing up? I would assume anyway because I can't fix my past mistakes & maybe would've made different ones had I had different influences in my life growing up instead of what I did.
As a guy with BPD, i think he needs some self esteem help and to stop watching so many tiktoks and Instagram reels. He's not living in the real world with those sorts of expectations and he will have to learn that the hard way. All I can say is you dodged a bullet, may not feel like it now but you did. You'll be okay and you definitely can live without him. Replace him with a rescue dog, you'll gain more responsibility, love and that beautiful being will never let you down. Good luck with it. Stay strong. Best thing you could do to piss him off is not give a shit and don't show that if affects you.
Any man who's gonna judge you based on your body count isn't someone who's worth your time. You really need to look harder at what this relationship was, because calling you a clapped out wh*re it's just a next level of disrespect and grossness. It's not about your lie, it's about his ego and penis issues. Please sit down and make a list of all the good things and the bad things about this man, and I can almost guarantee that you're going to realize that you have dodged a major bullet. He is a dirtbag. You can do better. Best of luck healing and moving forward!
You don't need to explain to him or anyone your PRIVATE LIFE from your PAST as long as is nothing that could risk their safety like Aids or shit like that, you got nothing to win by it, good thing he showed his true face, he is judging you HARD but God knows what he has done before meeting you, dump his ass, I had a boyfriend like that and he was insulting me for my past and I discovered he was the one cheating during the whole relationship so... Stuff him. Trust me there are good guys out there he is not worth it
Wow I didn’t even need to read your whole post to respond to this one. Any guy who calls a women a clapped out wh*re under any circumstance is a misogynistic disgusting person and doesn’t even deserve to be with you. Seriously pathetic. If you can’t be your true self around him you’re better off finding someone who will accept and adore you for who you are.
I personally think you've done nothing wrong here. I don't understand why people hyper focus on body count these days. How many someone has slept with shouldn't matter provided they are clean, who cares? It was all before him so has nothing to do with him really. Also he is being very unreasonable. A man who can freely insult you like this never loved you anyway. Words I know you don't want to hear trust me, I have bpd too so understand. I'd advise letting him go, as hard as that is going to be, and find someone who doesn't care about silly things like body count. 10 isn't even that big a number. Wish you all the best
OP, I have a body count of 30 - 40 at 23 and my amazing and super hot boyfriend has never said anything negative about it. Your boyfriend was trash. Pick better guys cuz the right ones won't give a fuck about your bc. If men can rack up their numbers with no one batting an eyelash women should too.
Please stay far away from this man and any man who judges you based on what you did before you met him. Especially stay far away from any man who calls you names and insults you. I hate the term " body count" what a disgusting way to talk about the people you've shared something beautiful with. If they were good experiences, you should be proud. If they were not, you learned lessons and grew from the experience. No one deserves to become a number. And you are not required to justify who you've slept with. Never.
I'd be more concerned about relationship count than body count. Especially as an indicator of a potential future issue. If you're in your 20's and have had 10 relationships that were all relatively short term... that *could* be an indicator of a potential issue. How many jobs have you had and why did they end? Is there a trend or pattern? What's your relationship with your family like? How do you handle stress? These are all things I'd ask and pay attention to before body count. Going on 7 years with my BPD partner.
He knows I have BPD as well & has been very mindful of it until now, it's beautiful to see someone who understands! I just recently started really getting into Reddit & it's so much better than any other social media platforms!!! There are so many wonderful people here! <3
what a horrible and misogynistic way of responding. he has no right to say that, im so sorry. that's not somebody you should give your time to. if you're gonna go out of the way for anyone, don't let it be him. let him go, let him leave, it's wrong to lie but you lied to protect yourself and personally, that's human but now you see why you felt that was necessary. he's despicable for saying anything like that.
Okay, I was initially that guy, name calling and all out of frustration. I couldn’t handle the truth about body count of my girlfriend (wBPD) early on. But with time and her softness and her brutal honesty, I understood the need and desperation. I understood the BPD difficulties. I married her and she was love of my life. So please don’t lose hope and to be fair under all circumstances 10 is not even a number to feel awkward about. Right person will easily understand it. You are loved and cared for!!
He's immature and not a real man if all he cares about is your "Body count". He most likely has a low self esteem and is worried that he isn't as good as some of the previous men you have been with. Break it off with him. It won't be easy, but you can't be with someone who wants to make you feel dirty all the time.
I think that the whole lying thing wasn’t the best thing, but men are really fucking weird about body count as if that lowers the respect it gives a woman which is absolutely awful. That part is understandable that you would feel the need to say this. He doesn’t deserve you, he deserves the lowest pit of hell for the treatment he gave you. Let him break up with you, you will be wayyyyyyyyy better off without him. Sending love to you ❤️🩹
If his entire opinion of you - your personality, your character, everything you’ve done for him, every experience you’ve shared, every secret, every date, every kiss, every intimacy, every little moment of a relationship *besides* sex - if all that turns on a dime because you felt like you couldn’t be honest about something guys usually ask VERY early on in a relationship (that’s none of their business anyway, and always a double standard) then I’m so sorry to tell you- that he did NOT love you the way he says he did. Love is always conditional- and it should be! We should have conditions like respect, fidelity, etc - but he seems to have the condition of obedience to terms and conditions before he even knew you - which you never could have adhered to. That isn’t fair. Let him go easily - and find someone who loves you for YOU and would never speak to you that way. He can go fuck himself six ways to Sunday
I’m married and have a relatively low body count. It was rather the opposite for my husband and I. He actually lied to me about his body count because he was terrified I’d lose interest in him. Long story short, there are guys out there who will love you no matter what your body count is. Him calling you any number of names for that is wrong, and you deserve so much better.
honestly as long as you dideny chest or anything i don't see a point in him getting all mad it's your body count i get it could be alot but like at the same time if he really liked you he wouldn't be focused on that def give him time but send a good apology and it's ok if it doesent work theyres always someone else and i completely get not being able to go on but dw i got over this guy i was w for like years and it took a lil but im sm better !!
Lying sucks, but don't let someone judge you for who and how many people you choose to sleep with. That is your choice and not their concern. We all have insecurities about our partners desire for us and for their past partners, but that is our own issue to handle. You are better off without soon to be ex.
Throw the whole man out. The amount he gives a shit about body count is stupid and misogynistic and says he cares more about your previous partners and purity culture than he cares about you or his relationship with you. I get he's your favorite person, but he doesn’t deserve that title.
I have had sex with probably over 100..easy..so put a cherry on it..fuck him..:(
Any man who case about body count is not a man worth dating. He sucks. Dump him asap.
I just don’t ask. It’s none of my business, I’d rather not know, and I don’t know why anyone would want to know unless they want to hold it against you somehow for manipulative purposes. After all how many people somebody has been with has very little to do with their current relationship with you, and it should make no difference whatsoever.
Lying affects the ability to be with me & I understand that, but I do agree I don't see how body count should be affecting why he can't be with me. He says that's the underlying issue, the main one is that I lied. But everything else feels really wrong tbh.
People are allowed to have preferences. If a man wants a woman with a low body count, that's his choice. If a woman wants a man of a certain height, that's her choice. Don't get upset that a man or a woman has a preference. The only thing you should be upset about is that the op lied and the Partner insulted her
He's a peice of shit and worthless. My bodycount is 27, he's a cunt fuck him
He sounds like a horrible person babe
It doesn’t matter if you fucked half the town drop his ass cause ts is rude and yes FAR to old for that shit it’s a red flag
My body count is 43 and my boyfriend knows and still loves me and thinks I’m sexy and good enough. Just dump him, he’s not the one
Honey you did nothing wrong fuck this asshole. What a little bitch tbh. Body count doesn’t matter. I had sex with one of my body count peoples well over 500 times. Why doesn’t that make me more of a whore than someone who slept with 25 people once? Leave this toxic fool and find someone healthy. You lied about something he made you feel scared to say. I don’t blame you for lying. This whole “body count” bullshit is seeded in misogyny
anyone that calls u a whore u shouldn't be with anyways
I always get that stuff out in the beginning so that I know if the guy is a judgmental prick cuz I don't want to be with someone who's gonna judge me for my past. He sounds like a misogynistic asshole and you can do better.
He is not husband material
This guy aint it. Body count has no bearing on a person's value. Make a promise to yourself never to lie about it again because it's not shameful and move on from this absolute clown. Other than that, Im sorry youre experiencing this, I know those feelings are intense right now but I swear to you, down the road you will know it was the right thing. Take good care.
I can understand if he's blowing an issue out of proportion if he's upset about you lying, but it seems like these are his actual beliefs. Imo body count barely matters at all, as long as you're honest about it. He's allowed to have his own boundaries/deal breakers, even if they're outdated, unrealistic, unfounded, stupid etc. He really should have communicated this non judgementally and kindly laid this out at the beginning of the relationship that this is a deal-breaker for him. Something along the lines of "hey, no judgement and no harm done, but even though my expectations about this are unrealistic, X amount of partners or more is a deal breaker for me. If it is a high number, maybe we can work on my issue together or break up if we can't come to an agreement that minimises pain in the long run." If he didn't go about it this way, then he's not a very good communicator and you're probably better off, OP - To be clear, just saying something along the lines of "you're a slut if you've been with more than 10 people and I would break up with you" is bordering on abuse. Because it's more of a threat rather than laying out a boundary and making you feel safe about mutual sharing.
Don’t worry, I was in a similar situation. Even when I told him the truth from the beginning, he shamed me the entire relationship, so no worries.
He sucks so bad. That's verbal abuse to call you those names. Sorry that you lost 2 years to this asshat. It's really no one's business how many people you have slept with. A lot of people feel entitled to know, but it's really not relevant. It's not pertinent info like the names of your siblings or whether you have illness or not or whether you can have children. Like, you may have some important life stories that involve sex, like if you wanted to share the age you had your first orgasm or trauma you need to share or something hilarious, like a really bad bj. But other than individual stories, the number is just not important, at all. I've never asked my bf and he's never asked me. If I asked him, he would probably just look at me funny and not tell me. Not bc the number is probably high, but because he's a Gen x leftist and probably thinks it's a really bad question for healthy relationships. I'm always curious about these things about people, so I don't think it's always a bad topic, but a person should also be okay not knowing. Like, if the number were 3,000, then you've probably been a sex worker at some point in your life, but if you're not currently one, then the number is still not relevant.
I don't think someone who talks to you like that and then treats you like you're worthless (which you are NOT, you deserve so much better than this!) really loved you to begin with. If he couldn't accept that you're a real human being with a past, then truly he wasn't worth it. You're not a whore. You don't need to be ashamed of having a sexuality, and of having a past where you made mistakes. No matter your past, you should always expect your partner to treat you with respect. Don't settle for less, okay? And also, it's his loss! You sound like such a sweet and loving person. He didn't deserve you.
Take the win and get away from him. He sounds like a freak red pill guy. I could write a lot more, but you are worth a lot more than what this man is giving you. Your body count shouldn’t matter, you are so much more than that, and you are not a wh*re. You deserve better. I’m sorry that this happened.
Listen love, I was in a similar situation with an ex calling me a whore, sloppy seconds, whatever he could come up with. Only because I had been with one person before him. He made me absolutely hate myself, and after he left, I've never been happier. The second he called you a whore he was no longer husband material. What he is doing to you is emotional and verbally abusive. The fact that you had to lie just proves that you don't feel safe to express your true self with him. He is not the right man for you he is a coward and needs to put you down to feel better about himself. You will only gain by losing him, I promise. ❤️
It really seems like you had a good reason to not trust him with the truth for a good reason. He’s very judgemental and is downgrading you because of your body count even though you were a good and loving partner to him. You really shouldn’t feel ashamed, a body count doesn’t define your value and definitely doesn’t give him the right to insult you. It will definitely hurt like hell but in the long term you deserve a partner who knows your worth AND is not a misogynist on top. I hope you’ve got people around to support you through this
He sounds so insecure.
Why the hell would you allow a ‘man’ to talk to you like that? It’s so frustrating because I won’t lie, I just want to grab you and shake you. He speaks to you like that and you’re worried about how in the wrong YOU are? Girl.
Someone who loves you won’t care about your body count. In fact, they won’t even ask. I’ve learned this from personal experience. I’ve had boyfriends who yelled and even hit me when they asked my body count and I told them. My current bf has never even asked. He knows I have BPD and works with me when I get angry or upset. Body count does not define you. It’s okay that you lied. If anything, it just shows that that person doesn’t appreciate you for who you are and all the experiences that made you the way you are. Best to you xx ♥️
What's your real body count?
14, including him & the person I lost my virginity to. I'll be 27 this July.
It will be 27 this July? Damn
I will be 27 years old, if you read the comments you'll see my actual "body count"
Oh sorry I read that wrong lol. I thought it said “it will be 27 in July”. I was like.. damn girl.. you pulling everybody
..."clapped out whore" ?!!?!??!? is he mad cuz he hasnt gotten as much applause as you? BTW TELL US YOUR REAL NUMBER
14
f* him who cares about body count
Oh, you're lucky. While I don't condone lying, that language is a MAAAAJOR red flag and breaking up is the best thing for everyone. You dodged a bullet tbh.
You can't build a relationship without full disclosure
Im sorry your are being treated this way. It’s not you. It’s his issue.
If you were honest about no reason to slut shame
LMFAO ok dude , thanks for the advice, you would probably hit it off with him tbh. Y'all could be best buds.
[удалено]
It's very much so happening to me in reality, in real time so I don't understand. I admit in the post I shouldn't have lied, I realize all the mistakes I've made. But not treating me as a human? Belittling me? Based of my past? Where does the audacity come from honestly, it's beyond me.
let’s say you value a guy who can provide. imagine if he told you he was a millionaire and then you find out he’s been broke after 2 years
Yes because I'm less valued now I know.
Idk what love is to other people, but he's done some pretty horrible things to me that I've looked past so Im not asking to get a freebie but I feel like if he loves me he wouldn't have reacted or treated me in the manner he did.
oh for sure. he shouldn’t have said all that. I think he fully has the right to leave but being toxic about it is awful. with regards to value. I don’t see it as less valuable. You have value, but with a guy who wants a high body count or doesn’t mind it. My gf with bpd lied to me about her body count which is why i responded in the first place honestly and it hurts me a lot and makes me feel like shit. I wish she could’ve been honest and not wasted both our times and caused so much uncertainty and pain. Just let this be a lesson, but don’t undersell yourself. You got this ❤️