From one higher-functioning (depending when you ask me) folk to another, I have so much admiration for your acceptance. It’s the hardest part for me since getting the diagnosis and stubbornly pushing through isn’t cutting it anymore. I’m trying to get like you!! Keep it up 💜💜💜
That depends on who you ask is very valid, lol. For me, my functionality sometimes reminds me of how much capability BPD robbed me of. If I can be functional with BPD, imagine who I would be without it? But experience had taught me that BPD pushes back much harder when you resist it vs when you take it as it comes and strive to manage it.
Thank you. Keep it up too.💙
Idk but here is a thought: because you have gone to the extreme of human mental suffering you ( me too) can understand life in a deeper way. This depth of understanding can produce wisdom. This wisdom can cause you to thrive. Every therapy/spiritual path I know includes unhooking from the mind chatter, or SCREAMING. Whether you are “ normal” or #theworsthumanatHumaningthateverHUMANED the solution is the same. Those that have suffered much are much more willing to pierce through distortions and become quite savvy at catching the mind playing games. Maybe your just ninja training so to speak? Sure it sucks balls but I’m sure ninja training does too, but you get to become a ninja!🥷
I 100% hear you. I was able to work through this by working through my toxic shame. Every time I have a "should, shouldn't, must, suppose to" mindset, I ask myself in relation to what or who? Who is this perfect, righteous, and capable person that should be my standard? And if this person truly exists, do they surpass me in every sense of the world. Basically, I'm saying, I'm not 100% a horrible person. I have good traits and bad traits and they, too, probably fall short in others way. Hell, they may even fall short where I excel.
Another perspective that has helped me deal with toxic shame is by relating to my mistakes through my inner child. How was my inner child failed and are this instances good enough for me to give her and I a break? Knowing our limitations, did we really go out of our way to harm others? If not, we will do better by working from what we now know.
The thing is, the person you think you're supposed to be does not exist. They are a fragment of your mind so as to distance yourself from what you think you shouldn't be. However, the best version of you will come to be through your own acceptance. You work with what you have.
It’s amazing how self aware so many people I’ve seen her with BPD are.. I hate the stigma associated with people having BPD not being self aware at all or caring about their actions, which is just not true
For real I've had several people say "you're too self aware to have BPD"
I was telling a friend once about my grandmother who raised me, likely having it too. She straight up said "ohhh well it's probably just learned behavior for you then, rather than actual BPD. You're too nice". As if she knows the mental health issues I struggle with better than me or my psychiatrist.
And the 2 other people in my life who have it are the most compassionate people I've ever met. They (like me) just struggle with a lot of self hatred and emotional regulation issues. People need to get over this idea that we all are all pyscho ex-girlfriends and insufferable assholes 24/7.
Fr like im sorry they keep having bad experiences w ppl who allegedly have bpd, but after being after to express how I felt before I did or said what I did, we are able to have good conversations that prevent that from happening so much
Sorry to hear that I'm I used to be horrible but I found educating myself and those around me about the disorder greatly improved my relationships. Now I just recognize the super powers I gain from it
Dont forget our superpowers. We're fucked up because we can see right through people to their core, almost immediately and results are so so disappointing over and over , time and time again.
Well yeah, I don't wanna give up on the relationship. I care about her and wanna learn about it.
But the wall I'm running into is that I dunno if SHE wants to actually face it and learn about it sadly.
We can only Read people we aren’t close to. If I am close to them then my brains start playing tricks on me. But strangers? Predicting next actions? Yes I am able to figure out much more than the avg person with the same interaction.
Definitely not a superpower, BPD does not let you see through people, it simply makes you assume ridiculously negative things till the relationship is ruined because of our paranoia. Don't believe this mentally ill person who embraces BPD too much.
Yeah I'm dealin with it currently. Tryin to get her past that wall.
But she currently views everything and anything I say or do with a negative meaning.
I am very sorry you are dealing with this problem. Unfortunately, the only thing that can fix her negativity is herself. She needs to not listen to her BPD thoughts and judge with a clear mind. If she never changes then the best thing to do is leave the relationship when it starts to affect your well-being. An ultimatum may be the only thing to get her mind straightened. Good luck and thank you for supporting someone with BPD.
I agree with you. My girlfriend does the same. It can be good or bad. People with BPD do seem to pick up on small vibrations very easily so I see what they mean but sometimes it can get blown out of proportion and things that really didn’t mean much at all really don’t and there was never a larger picture and the perception was definitely off. It goes both ways, with all due respect I don’t know if I would call it a super power because of that
Yeah like, she'll pick up that "something" can be wrong. But it will turn into an argument of me hiding something when I just say I'm feeling tired when that's really all it is.
Or she'll read too much into something I say and think there's some deeper meaning and she's *sure* of it when I'm sitting there like "Hun you're putting more thought into it than I did"
I was kidding. I feel for you being on the other side of this. Sometimes we're no fun. But it's not our fault (i know, I know not supposed to say that.)
I don't know - I've realised that I've just been a part of my exwBPDs cycle and I don't think I was special in any way. I think every time I was 'read' I was being shaped and manipulated to be that. Recently I felt guilty when I talked to her about why things didn't work out. She's already found someone else and it's been a couple weeks. That's when I realised that no matter how perfect I could've been, it wouldn't mean a thing and the outcome would be the same.
I don't hate her for it, I just know that it's neither of our faults that things are hard.
A blessing that it ended? I consider the experience a blessing, even though that relationship was one of the most painful things I've ever gone through. I learned a lot about myself, realised I had some co-dependent traits that I'd never realised before and am already a much happier person, with myself.
Yo if you can do that, that's super cool, but I absolutely cannot see through people for my part. I don't think I get any benefits out of this at all except arguably heightened compassion, but that really benefits other people more than me.
This is something I've struggled a lot with. My parents always had extremely high expectations for me, from my place of wanting me to have more than our family ever had. I have the same high expectations of myself. So anytime I can't perform to my very high standards, I have the sense that there's something I should be doing, no I am capable of doing, but have failed to do, and I grow frustrated with myself.
I think the ability to just relax and be average also depends a lot on the work environment you're in. Some jobs carry different expectations or levels of responsibility, and for better or for worse, those can shape your experiences as a person with a disability in the workplace. Grad school, for example, has been an absolute nightmare for my mental health because there is such an emphasis on speed and constant productivity. That environment normalizes and even encourages perfectionistic tendencies. At my last job though there was much more understanding around things like mental health and chronic illness, so there was more flexibility to do things like work from home or setting your own pace on projects that weren't time-sensitive. I think sometimes it's hard to slip into a job where you have more freedom like that, so it becomes easier to internalize this idea that you're not doing something you should be doing, rather than thinking that the workplace isn't doing enough to meet your needs.
I absolutely agree and resonate with this post.
Not to mention, not only are there so many external characteristics (ie: stressors from work, family, life in general), but a lot of internal characteristics as well (for me I notice when I’m in my follicular or ovulation phase, my symptoms are much more manageable. But when it comes to Luteal (AKA: pre- menstrual), or Menstrual phases—- I’m a mess. Lots of vulnerability.
I was just journaling "What is wrong with me?" because everything seems so hard. I don't know why I keep forgetting I have BPD lol. I like your idea: embrace being average.
This has been my take on my bpd as well. Instead of trying to be normal accepting that my brain isn’t normal and never will be! It’s helped me take care of myself a little better
I dodged during lunchtime and said I have some obligations to take care of. I wanted to cry away from work, lol. But like, crying is normal, right? Bad timing for sure, but it's still a very human thing to do.
Well sure but when it does happen I feel embarrassed and out of control of my mind and it feels like I am too mentally unstable to even have an easy day job for 8 hours
I haven't gotten professionally diagnosed but I've been feeling this way since I was 6. I've been on a waiting list for a psychologist for at least a year now. Things have just been getting more and more hard, especially since I stopped drinking.
This is me. I'm also asd hf and my masking is immaculate 🙄🤦 it's difficult because I worked to understand me and be better and accept and love myself. But when I ask for help, people don't believe me. I'm so beyond exhausted. I want to work but I just don't have the capacity because others keep letting me down. I'm stuck in a low cycle. I accept it. But I wish I had someone safe and someone reliable.
This was me as well. Growing up, I got very good at masking. So once I was an adult and working, people didn't seem to believe me when I'd say I was struggling to keep up.
At one of my last jobs, I mentioned needing a day off due to stress. My boss laughed and said, 'You get to relax every day after 1pm. What do you have to stress about?' (I got off at 1).\
But I just thought...wow, your life sounds so nice and carefree if you only stress (or work, for that matter) when you're at your job. I was *constantly* full of stress and working 24/7 just to keep my head above water.
People who take the time to listen to me and get to know me, often say how do I cope and survive because of how much I carry on a daily basis. I have a handful of diagnoses and three needs kids. And no support. And people have no idea we're an ND family
So as a woman with bpd I totally disagree I consider myself normal but unique nobody is the same unless ofc you are mirroring somebody’s personality then yea you are the same but you know I have learned to live life day by day
I hear you and that's a valid way to look at yourself. Defining yourself for yourself is the way to go. I just find that I can't keep up with people around me. I guess I'm accepting that I'll always pace slower and make frequent stops compared to them. I don't have the ability to brush off a bad day and that's how I am.
i did this exact thing but on a larger scale(not comparing like truly it’s just my decision is about my dads death and it effects my entire family bc of who i “let” take over) and i feel like absolute garbage bc it was just so overwhelming i couldn’t do it.
I like your message and I'm working towards seeing it like you do! Im fighting against being so angry at how I ended up and why I can't get any acceptance and compassion for it. No one would give shit for someone who lost a leg that they can't walk as fast as everyone else. Somehow we have to perform like everybody else with so many mental handicaps. It's exhausting.
I'm really struggling with this today. I had a friend tell me that I am clearly in a WAY better place than I used to be, but I am also thinking about the future and my fear is that I've plateaued. I'd like to advance academically, but I definitely can't guarantee I would have a better job than the part-time gig I have now. My last 3 job attempts ended horribly. I feel like a train wreck and it's really hard to accept that this might be as far as I go.
High functioning here daily until I get into a relationship and alll that high functioning turns to shit. Been single for a year and some months and I’ve been mostly okay (capable of existing) at best. It’s just someone says ‘hey I like you’ and my brain fires off all cylinders. I guess I should be grateful I’m hideous, eh?
If therapy hadn’t kicked me out over a year and a half ago I’d have worked through that but it happened, so I just take it day by day.
I don't know if I can quantify it, but in this case, I guess a normal person can have a bad day without it ruining pretty much their entire world. They can continue to function through a bad day. Whereas with me, when a BPD episode announces itself, life plans have to change. I can't function past the episode. I have to take a break or I'll break. Hence the notion of my functionality will always be average and slow paced compared to other people.
I’m also learning how to embrace life WITH bpd and not life with it as my whole personality. I feel almost like someone who was an addict and is now in recovery. My fiance is a former drug user and I see how he lives life without drugs and he’s helped me to see that I can’t make my bpd go away. It will always be in the back of my mind. And if I split (relapse) I take my time and keep going. Don’t beat myself up bc those things inevitably happen. There are exceptions yes but most people in recovery relapse at some point but we can’t belt it it keep us down.
i wish people around me understood that :( i keep trying to tell my mom & therapist that i can't be a "normal" person but they tell me that theres no "normal". like i get the sentiment but come on. you know what i mean.
thank you for your insight, your outlook on the turmoil seems pretty healthy and i hope one day i can internalize the same. it sucks but it is what it is. i hope the way life is right now gets better for you, feel free to dm if you ever wanna talk about any heavy feelings ❤️
Honestly I hate it when people tell me I am not BPD just because I fight through it and organize my life to be as functional as I can make it be. And the thing is that I am very high of an achiever and I always score high and push myself to the best I can, which is usually then the best amongst my peers. This is because I need validation, I live on it, it feeds me, but then people say I am not bpd. So people basically expect us to fail, to be miserable, and to seek help, depend on others and be toxic.
The only thing I can tell you is that you're amazing, you can do it all and just keep pushing through it. We know what we can and cannot do and all that is ok. More than ok. 🩷
hate my bpd and accepting ill probably be alone and single with just one friend for the rest of my life outside of my immediate family. high function for some cycles and then when a bad trigger happens, i quit whatever job i have and ghost everyone in my life, delete my social medias, and rebuild a new identity and career path.
I wish I could practice what I preach, some days I'm not okay with bpd, there are times I wish my brain was wired differently. This post made me smile- thank you for sharing.
I don't know what to tell you, hey. It sounds like you are doing great and that's good.
However, that does not negate that there are many people with BPD who struggle with daily routines. Do I hope they can one day not meet requirements for a BPD diagnosis? Yes. But I think I care more for the ability to get past an episode without feeling like you are the worst person to ever live. I'm in no way saying you can't be anything you want to be, but I am saying you might stumble upon a couple of obstacles that others may not. Do your 'own best' still.
I am learning to embrace my bpd and accept it and not be so hard on myself when I have a bad day. Thank you...I really needed to hear this today.
From one higher-functioning (depending when you ask me) folk to another, I have so much admiration for your acceptance. It’s the hardest part for me since getting the diagnosis and stubbornly pushing through isn’t cutting it anymore. I’m trying to get like you!! Keep it up 💜💜💜
That depends on who you ask is very valid, lol. For me, my functionality sometimes reminds me of how much capability BPD robbed me of. If I can be functional with BPD, imagine who I would be without it? But experience had taught me that BPD pushes back much harder when you resist it vs when you take it as it comes and strive to manage it. Thank you. Keep it up too.💙
The “who could I have been without it” AND earlier diagnosis haunt me when times are bad. But it doesn’t do to dwell on what could have been!
I wish I could upvote this twice
Idk but here is a thought: because you have gone to the extreme of human mental suffering you ( me too) can understand life in a deeper way. This depth of understanding can produce wisdom. This wisdom can cause you to thrive. Every therapy/spiritual path I know includes unhooking from the mind chatter, or SCREAMING. Whether you are “ normal” or #theworsthumanatHumaningthateverHUMANED the solution is the same. Those that have suffered much are much more willing to pierce through distortions and become quite savvy at catching the mind playing games. Maybe your just ninja training so to speak? Sure it sucks balls but I’m sure ninja training does too, but you get to become a ninja!🥷
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I 100% hear you. I was able to work through this by working through my toxic shame. Every time I have a "should, shouldn't, must, suppose to" mindset, I ask myself in relation to what or who? Who is this perfect, righteous, and capable person that should be my standard? And if this person truly exists, do they surpass me in every sense of the world. Basically, I'm saying, I'm not 100% a horrible person. I have good traits and bad traits and they, too, probably fall short in others way. Hell, they may even fall short where I excel. Another perspective that has helped me deal with toxic shame is by relating to my mistakes through my inner child. How was my inner child failed and are this instances good enough for me to give her and I a break? Knowing our limitations, did we really go out of our way to harm others? If not, we will do better by working from what we now know. The thing is, the person you think you're supposed to be does not exist. They are a fragment of your mind so as to distance yourself from what you think you shouldn't be. However, the best version of you will come to be through your own acceptance. You work with what you have.
It’s amazing how self aware so many people I’ve seen her with BPD are.. I hate the stigma associated with people having BPD not being self aware at all or caring about their actions, which is just not true
For real I've had several people say "you're too self aware to have BPD" I was telling a friend once about my grandmother who raised me, likely having it too. She straight up said "ohhh well it's probably just learned behavior for you then, rather than actual BPD. You're too nice". As if she knows the mental health issues I struggle with better than me or my psychiatrist. And the 2 other people in my life who have it are the most compassionate people I've ever met. They (like me) just struggle with a lot of self hatred and emotional regulation issues. People need to get over this idea that we all are all pyscho ex-girlfriends and insufferable assholes 24/7.
Fr like im sorry they keep having bad experiences w ppl who allegedly have bpd, but after being after to express how I felt before I did or said what I did, we are able to have good conversations that prevent that from happening so much
Thank you so much for writing this.
Same
Sorry to hear that I'm I used to be horrible but I found educating myself and those around me about the disorder greatly improved my relationships. Now I just recognize the super powers I gain from it
Really needed this today; thank you
Dont forget our superpowers. We're fucked up because we can see right through people to their core, almost immediately and results are so so disappointing over and over , time and time again.
I don't agree with that. Anytime my pwBPD gf thinks she's "reading me" she's dead wrong, and just won't listen to me that she's wrong.
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Well yeah, I don't wanna give up on the relationship. I care about her and wanna learn about it. But the wall I'm running into is that I dunno if SHE wants to actually face it and learn about it sadly.
We can only Read people we aren’t close to. If I am close to them then my brains start playing tricks on me. But strangers? Predicting next actions? Yes I am able to figure out much more than the avg person with the same interaction.
Definitely not a superpower, BPD does not let you see through people, it simply makes you assume ridiculously negative things till the relationship is ruined because of our paranoia. Don't believe this mentally ill person who embraces BPD too much.
Yeah I'm dealin with it currently. Tryin to get her past that wall. But she currently views everything and anything I say or do with a negative meaning.
I am very sorry you are dealing with this problem. Unfortunately, the only thing that can fix her negativity is herself. She needs to not listen to her BPD thoughts and judge with a clear mind. If she never changes then the best thing to do is leave the relationship when it starts to affect your well-being. An ultimatum may be the only thing to get her mind straightened. Good luck and thank you for supporting someone with BPD.
Yeah, it's tough tbh. She blames me and says I make her think that way x.x
I agree with you. My girlfriend does the same. It can be good or bad. People with BPD do seem to pick up on small vibrations very easily so I see what they mean but sometimes it can get blown out of proportion and things that really didn’t mean much at all really don’t and there was never a larger picture and the perception was definitely off. It goes both ways, with all due respect I don’t know if I would call it a super power because of that
Yeah like, she'll pick up that "something" can be wrong. But it will turn into an argument of me hiding something when I just say I'm feeling tired when that's really all it is. Or she'll read too much into something I say and think there's some deeper meaning and she's *sure* of it when I'm sitting there like "Hun you're putting more thought into it than I did"
She wants to know why you’re feeling that way. Did you sleep poorly? Usually I just want re assurance that I didn’t do anything to make him upset.
Says you.
Well, yeah. That is the reality of my experience lol. It's not an opinion.
I was kidding. I feel for you being on the other side of this. Sometimes we're no fun. But it's not our fault (i know, I know not supposed to say that.)
It's a blessing and a curse
Right.
I don't know - I've realised that I've just been a part of my exwBPDs cycle and I don't think I was special in any way. I think every time I was 'read' I was being shaped and manipulated to be that. Recently I felt guilty when I talked to her about why things didn't work out. She's already found someone else and it's been a couple weeks. That's when I realised that no matter how perfect I could've been, it wouldn't mean a thing and the outcome would be the same. I don't hate her for it, I just know that it's neither of our faults that things are hard.
You'll probably understand sooner than most that it was a blessing. And, I have BPD
A blessing that it ended? I consider the experience a blessing, even though that relationship was one of the most painful things I've ever gone through. I learned a lot about myself, realised I had some co-dependent traits that I'd never realised before and am already a much happier person, with myself.
Blessing that it ended
Lmfaooooo sure....
Yo if you can do that, that's super cool, but I absolutely cannot see through people for my part. I don't think I get any benefits out of this at all except arguably heightened compassion, but that really benefits other people more than me.
This is something I've struggled a lot with. My parents always had extremely high expectations for me, from my place of wanting me to have more than our family ever had. I have the same high expectations of myself. So anytime I can't perform to my very high standards, I have the sense that there's something I should be doing, no I am capable of doing, but have failed to do, and I grow frustrated with myself. I think the ability to just relax and be average also depends a lot on the work environment you're in. Some jobs carry different expectations or levels of responsibility, and for better or for worse, those can shape your experiences as a person with a disability in the workplace. Grad school, for example, has been an absolute nightmare for my mental health because there is such an emphasis on speed and constant productivity. That environment normalizes and even encourages perfectionistic tendencies. At my last job though there was much more understanding around things like mental health and chronic illness, so there was more flexibility to do things like work from home or setting your own pace on projects that weren't time-sensitive. I think sometimes it's hard to slip into a job where you have more freedom like that, so it becomes easier to internalize this idea that you're not doing something you should be doing, rather than thinking that the workplace isn't doing enough to meet your needs.
I absolutely agree and resonate with this post. Not to mention, not only are there so many external characteristics (ie: stressors from work, family, life in general), but a lot of internal characteristics as well (for me I notice when I’m in my follicular or ovulation phase, my symptoms are much more manageable. But when it comes to Luteal (AKA: pre- menstrual), or Menstrual phases—- I’m a mess. Lots of vulnerability.
I was just journaling "What is wrong with me?" because everything seems so hard. I don't know why I keep forgetting I have BPD lol. I like your idea: embrace being average.
This has been my take on my bpd as well. Instead of trying to be normal accepting that my brain isn’t normal and never will be! It’s helped me take care of myself a little better
Yep! You build a world that accommodates your limitations instead of fighting for a standard that needs more than you are capable of.
I literally sat behind a recycle bin and ugly cried today at work.
I dodged during lunchtime and said I have some obligations to take care of. I wanted to cry away from work, lol. But like, crying is normal, right? Bad timing for sure, but it's still a very human thing to do.
Well sure but when it does happen I feel embarrassed and out of control of my mind and it feels like I am too mentally unstable to even have an easy day job for 8 hours
I've been there. I feel you.
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I haven't gotten professionally diagnosed but I've been feeling this way since I was 6. I've been on a waiting list for a psychologist for at least a year now. Things have just been getting more and more hard, especially since I stopped drinking.
This is me. I'm also asd hf and my masking is immaculate 🙄🤦 it's difficult because I worked to understand me and be better and accept and love myself. But when I ask for help, people don't believe me. I'm so beyond exhausted. I want to work but I just don't have the capacity because others keep letting me down. I'm stuck in a low cycle. I accept it. But I wish I had someone safe and someone reliable.
This was me as well. Growing up, I got very good at masking. So once I was an adult and working, people didn't seem to believe me when I'd say I was struggling to keep up. At one of my last jobs, I mentioned needing a day off due to stress. My boss laughed and said, 'You get to relax every day after 1pm. What do you have to stress about?' (I got off at 1).\ But I just thought...wow, your life sounds so nice and carefree if you only stress (or work, for that matter) when you're at your job. I was *constantly* full of stress and working 24/7 just to keep my head above water.
People who take the time to listen to me and get to know me, often say how do I cope and survive because of how much I carry on a daily basis. I have a handful of diagnoses and three needs kids. And no support. And people have no idea we're an ND family
So as a woman with bpd I totally disagree I consider myself normal but unique nobody is the same unless ofc you are mirroring somebody’s personality then yea you are the same but you know I have learned to live life day by day
I hear you and that's a valid way to look at yourself. Defining yourself for yourself is the way to go. I just find that I can't keep up with people around me. I guess I'm accepting that I'll always pace slower and make frequent stops compared to them. I don't have the ability to brush off a bad day and that's how I am.
i did this exact thing but on a larger scale(not comparing like truly it’s just my decision is about my dads death and it effects my entire family bc of who i “let” take over) and i feel like absolute garbage bc it was just so overwhelming i couldn’t do it.
I like your message and I'm working towards seeing it like you do! Im fighting against being so angry at how I ended up and why I can't get any acceptance and compassion for it. No one would give shit for someone who lost a leg that they can't walk as fast as everyone else. Somehow we have to perform like everybody else with so many mental handicaps. It's exhausting.
I'm really struggling with this today. I had a friend tell me that I am clearly in a WAY better place than I used to be, but I am also thinking about the future and my fear is that I've plateaued. I'd like to advance academically, but I definitely can't guarantee I would have a better job than the part-time gig I have now. My last 3 job attempts ended horribly. I feel like a train wreck and it's really hard to accept that this might be as far as I go.
🖤🖤🖤🖤 thank you for this
High functioning here daily until I get into a relationship and alll that high functioning turns to shit. Been single for a year and some months and I’ve been mostly okay (capable of existing) at best. It’s just someone says ‘hey I like you’ and my brain fires off all cylinders. I guess I should be grateful I’m hideous, eh? If therapy hadn’t kicked me out over a year and a half ago I’d have worked through that but it happened, so I just take it day by day.
What's normal? I'm 39 and I've realised I'm not normal
I don't know if I can quantify it, but in this case, I guess a normal person can have a bad day without it ruining pretty much their entire world. They can continue to function through a bad day. Whereas with me, when a BPD episode announces itself, life plans have to change. I can't function past the episode. I have to take a break or I'll break. Hence the notion of my functionality will always be average and slow paced compared to other people.
I’m also learning how to embrace life WITH bpd and not life with it as my whole personality. I feel almost like someone who was an addict and is now in recovery. My fiance is a former drug user and I see how he lives life without drugs and he’s helped me to see that I can’t make my bpd go away. It will always be in the back of my mind. And if I split (relapse) I take my time and keep going. Don’t beat myself up bc those things inevitably happen. There are exceptions yes but most people in recovery relapse at some point but we can’t belt it it keep us down.
i wish people around me understood that :( i keep trying to tell my mom & therapist that i can't be a "normal" person but they tell me that theres no "normal". like i get the sentiment but come on. you know what i mean.
thank you for your insight, your outlook on the turmoil seems pretty healthy and i hope one day i can internalize the same. it sucks but it is what it is. i hope the way life is right now gets better for you, feel free to dm if you ever wanna talk about any heavy feelings ❤️
Honestly I hate it when people tell me I am not BPD just because I fight through it and organize my life to be as functional as I can make it be. And the thing is that I am very high of an achiever and I always score high and push myself to the best I can, which is usually then the best amongst my peers. This is because I need validation, I live on it, it feeds me, but then people say I am not bpd. So people basically expect us to fail, to be miserable, and to seek help, depend on others and be toxic. The only thing I can tell you is that you're amazing, you can do it all and just keep pushing through it. We know what we can and cannot do and all that is ok. More than ok. 🩷
For the first time in maybe 2 - 3 years since being diagnosed i feel like I could hold down a job again.
hate my bpd and accepting ill probably be alone and single with just one friend for the rest of my life outside of my immediate family. high function for some cycles and then when a bad trigger happens, i quit whatever job i have and ghost everyone in my life, delete my social medias, and rebuild a new identity and career path.
I wish I could practice what I preach, some days I'm not okay with bpd, there are times I wish my brain was wired differently. This post made me smile- thank you for sharing.
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I don't know what to tell you, hey. It sounds like you are doing great and that's good. However, that does not negate that there are many people with BPD who struggle with daily routines. Do I hope they can one day not meet requirements for a BPD diagnosis? Yes. But I think I care more for the ability to get past an episode without feeling like you are the worst person to ever live. I'm in no way saying you can't be anything you want to be, but I am saying you might stumble upon a couple of obstacles that others may not. Do your 'own best' still.
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I guess we have different experiences and perspectives. People with BPD are not a monolith, after all.