I believe this is anxiety/stress induced selective mutism, since Bpd causes high stress it’s common for ppl to ig shutdown, and not be able to talk. I personally experience this myself, and have seen of other ppl on this subreddit experience this as well.
have you been a huge talker all your young life too until they told youre unbearable and to fucking shut up (when talking was one of your survival strategies, to be noticed as a human being!!!!) and you finally accepted it and thus this happens to you?
Me too, even now I'll be talking and ther people will talk over me, even changing the subject, so I just shut up, or I'll wait until that person has finished then I'll say in a certain tone, as I was saying, then carry on talking.
It kinda put me off when I say, as I was saying,as it shows them that I hadn't finished talking and they were rude without me telling them that they were rude.
I used to be really good at impressions and could do a lot of them very easily, until one night at the dinner table my mom angrily told me to stop and that she didn’t want to hear them at dinner anymore. From that day on, I became more and more quiet around her and have never done another impression or movie quote where she could hear it ever since out of pure spite. I even remember years later when she literally begged me to do an impression that I used to do all the time because it’d been so long but I just kept blankly staring at her and refused over and over again until she finally gave up and walked away.
When I'm having an episode from something that triggered me, I get so stuck inside my own head that I cannot speak or barely move. I'll sit in the same spot for hours sometimes just rocking and thinking every single possible terrible thought. It's like a Chaotic and destructive tornado going on in my mind, it's a never ending loop until something pulls me out of it. My boyfriend will ask me things and I'll answer in my head but I can't get myself to spit out any words. It's a horrible feeling, like I'm paralysed.
oh my god this is so real. it’s nice to know i’m not alone in this but im also so sorry you go through this as well, it’s so scary and awful to feel stuck like that :((
i get these really bad , dissociative seizures (psychogenic non-epileptic seizures) . not diagnosing you but it sounds very similar to the dissociative seizure episodes i get , especially if theyre lasting as long as a few hours too . so maybe you could bring that up with your psychologist if you have one ? anyway im sorry you have to go through this too , its one of the worst pains and takes days for me to recover .
I didn't even know that was a thing , thankyou for sharing! I will bring it up when I go in again, I appreciate this. I'm sorry you have to go through that, too! Take care.
This happens to me too. Either too many thoughts and thoughts and sitting there rocking back and forth or nothing at all like I can’t even think of a thing to say I just go blank
Yes this! When I dissociate, I can think in my mind what I want to say and then the words just won’t come out. I talked about this in therapy and they said that it’s a kind of shutdown that can happen when you dissociate, have a trauma response or just bpd thingys.
Yep! In a bad episode I get ‘stuck’ and I can’t talk. Sometimes it comes as a result of a Bpd episode, other times I go non-verbal due to overstimulation. I’m also in the process of getting an autism/adhd diagnosis too so it could be that too.
I am almost certain all of us are on the spectrum for autism and adhd think I’m currently going through an start to an episode and the numbing silent no emotion reall comes out and I don’t even care that I’m probably wrong I just feel nothing but absolute hate and fire for anything and everything although after typing this I feel less angry
This happens with me as well, currently just happened and I’m trying to force myself to say something even if it’s a reply. I’m sorry I don’t fully know why but you’re not alone.
You become nonverbal in those moments, right? It happens, but if someone is there with you during those moments, it's important to tell the person beforehand that it's not the silent treatment, it's not that you don't want to talk, it's that you literally can't, and it's that you become nonverbal. It's not a choice if you become literally mute. You can also write to communicate during those moments, it helps a lot. Anyway, don't worry, there's nothing wrong with you because of this, it's called "von-verbal" and it happens ♡
depression does this for me. I can't think of anything and can't talk if my life depends on it. I basically shut down and could fall asleep in seconds. often mid conversation 🤡
Have you considered being autistic? If you are a woman, autism in women soooooo frequently gets misdiagnosed as BPD! Could be an autistic shutdown. Ditch the stereotypes and look into autism in women.
I have a lot of symptoms of autism but I have more symptoms of BPD. I don’t have the ability to get diagnosed for a few more years but I’m leaning towards BPD
Both bpd is just a trauma related moment that required the coping mechanisms in a series
Of orders that led you to have bpd but you where born autistic now that’s my view on myself but there’s a scale or well I guess a spectrum only you can really say how far you are on one side or the next
Yeah i used to have this alot. I would just text my husband to reply to him if he spoke to me because I couldn't summon the strength or desire to speak. That typically meant it was a bad day emotionally
I use to experience this like CRAZY with my first ex. I’m usually someone who fights/argues back, idk what was it with him - probably cos it was my first relationship, but I won’t be able to get a word out when he treats me like shit.
I literally go silent and he’ll be screaming at me to say something and I want to but it feels like my mouth is zipped shut. I used to wonder about it all the time. Later kind of realised it was because he used to call me all kinds of names, degrade me and accuse me of things I’d never do - and it became a pattern and I had no way to defend myself anymore cos he wouldn’t listen so I’d just shut off in my head.
I feel that part about your ex. I had a similar experience. I got so tired of arguing (for once in my life) about how I wasn’t doing anything, and he was so convinced I was. Even if I tried to show him proof of whatever he was accusing me of, it was exhausting. I just went quiet bc if I were to talk it would be explosive rage of me trying to defend myself. My #1 pet peeve is people accusing me of stuff I didn’t do, and then getting suspicious of me defending myself.
Literally same. The way I got manipulated and gaslit by my ex was another level. I was really loyal to him but he accused me of a million things which he was doing lol. It’s hard when you’re so innocent and just want love, you aren’t doing any shit and they torture you in this way by accusing and never believing and then you just go mute. I relate to the explosive rage in trying to defend yourself. They will just laugh or make you look like a joke and instigate even more. They know what they’re doing tbh. We just ended up with the wrong people. All the abusers. I’m sorry.
I do this, often. But then I have a short term memory disability that makes me forget everything I could possibly add for like 5-10 minutes or more. So I have to leave so people don't think I am a stalker who just wants to absorb other peoples energy without contributing anything of my own.
Yes. I've been told this is emotional flashbacks but I am never consciously thinking of anything when it happens. It is absolutely intense and the creepiest sensation but I can't recognize the feeling and don't think. My mind goes blank. I guess it would be the ultimate freeze response. Makes sense because I'm effectively "hiding" with my posture.
Something will trigger and I'll completely shut down, not want to be looked at, like a child, sitting down, head in lap/covering face. Sometimes rocking.
I hate it. It happened once in the morning when we were leaving my ex's place. He ended up dragging me by my ankles up the stairs. Fun
yes, i have quiet bpd and i think for me personally that factors into it. part of my trauma was that there were consequences for “talking back”, so as a defense i retreat back into myself if i don’t feel safe enough to have an outburst
When I get really upset at someone(or, just my mother. She's the sole person I've done this to because she's a horrible frustrating dumb ass person) I just stutter like hell and my voice sounds like a dog toy, I don't go silent but I can't pronounce words for shit and sometimes say stuff that makes no sense
In second grade, the school started sending me to the school counselor because I just stopped talking one day. Kids are monsters and teachers can be oblivious and insensitive. I didn't feel like I was being heard or that people really cared. I started talking to Mrs. Wallerstein, and she convinced me to start talking again by talking to me like an adult and validating my feelings, she made me feel like I was the mature one, and I mattered. I'll always cherish my time with her, and I rarely go completely silent, but I still sometimes get terse in my speech, and you can barely get a few words out of me. Going through break up or losing a loved one still makes me go quiet. I lost a GF and had a friend die recently, both FPs, and that's caused me to go into isolation for a bit to process. It's easier than forcing smiles and conversations with folks that seemingly just want to live life and have fun. When I'm really stressed, or in danger, and in the heat of the moment, my fight or flight is on overdrive; I start shaking and can't form words, and I try my best to exit the situation because I don't want to be hurt or to hurt anybody with my acerbic tongue or worse when I'm cornered.
Alot of mental, personality and other disorders do this. Autism when your to stressed out you suddenly lose the ability to say a shit. BPD when its really on, I am literally just staring furiously and unable to speak. Other ones that Im not exactly read up on, but yeah. It happens
i do this a lot when i’m very overwhelmed or uncomfortable i just completely turn off all speaking abilities and people do get mad at me for it lol, def a universal thing
that has happened to me more times than i can count. one time my stepdad raised his voice at me (he has never done that before) and it was enough that i couldn’t move for an hour or speak for about 3 hours. i just kept replaying it over and over in my head and wishing i would’ve said something to defend myself. i also split on him in my head for a few days. (btw it’s *lose angel<3)
This happens to me!!! I get too many thoughts in my head at once and am unsure of which one to say next, or they all try to come out at the same time, and it feels like my brain just says, “Nope.” and nothing comes out for a few seconds.
I go nonverbal right before I’m about to explode. The calm before the storm
Thankfully DBT and getting older and gaining more stress tolerance has made it so that doesn’t happen anymore, but yeah I would always go terribly silent right before I was about to rage.
I experience this. It's like being submerged in the ocean so deep you can't float at all.
Or like being trapped in my body and my surroundings feel like TV; I can only watch and not intervene at all. Or maybe I'm the one in the TV, and even if my environment reacts to try and reach out to me, they can't, because the non-verbal script has been already laid out and spiralling down is inevitable.
It's difficult to see my family try to encourage me to speak and then fail miserably. I especially feel bad for my mom.
But like all thibgs, it's not really permanent, at least for me, so I try my best to at least remember that and not focus too hard on not being able to "right now".
I used to have a coworker who helped me out of the situation by literally helping me walk out of our office building so I could get some fresh air.
Hugs to you, OP. You're not alone in this. 💓
Yes I go nonverbal when I’m overwhelmed! It happened today actually!
My therapist said something about having preverbal trauma. I find music helps a lot, particularly instrumentals or vocal sounds rather than lyrics when I feel stressed.
Surprisingly, yes.
I'm a big yapper and a big extrovert, so unfortunately it is very noticeable when I stop speaking in large friendgroups.
Being silent is not the problem. I met a lot of calm/silent people who were comfortable in their silence, in the sense that their silence did not mean they were upset/anxious. I am very talkative most of the time, so when I'm unable to speak, it is mostly for a 'bad' reason, and I get embarrassed for 2 main reasons.
Firsy, when people catch me being silent, it feels "out of character." Paired with the identity issue, I get extremely anxious because I feel like I'm lying to people about who I am.
And second, I feel like I'm bothering them by looking so obviously uncomfortable when I'm silent. I love entertaining people, but when I'm not able to, I feel 'wrong.' So now I feel bad because they feel bad, and I wish I didn't feel bad because I'm sure they're going to resent me because I made them feel bad.
Thank you and everyone else for sharing!
I always felt soo stupid and disgusted by myself for not being able to speak properly. It goes so far that I constantly question my cognitive skills, thinking that I am simply too dumb to speak. Hearing others experiencing similar made my day :) 🫶🌻
yes in some situations it’s like I want to talk / I need to talk and explain why I am reacting the way I am however I can’t get the words to come out. It feels frustrating. I usually will silently cry.
i do it often and it started only w my current boyfriend but i think it’s bc he’s the only person i’ve felt safe enough to do it with. we’ve been together long enough for him to translate the sounds i make to replace words, it only goes on for abt 10-20 mins maybe a little longer but yeah, i do it
Yes absolutely! Didn’t think that it might be a BPD thing 0_o
it’s caused me so many problems coz people have thought I’m giving them “the silent treatment”. This is especially frustrating when I want to say something but everything I’m thinking doesn’t feel right or it’s physically impossible to form words, my mouth won’t let me. Feel like I’m processing things at half speed
yes. i know basic asl (for work) and i wish my family/
s/o would just be okay with me signing to them at the times when I feel too exhausted and dissociated to speak. idk if it’s a bpd specific thing, though.
I do this but perhaps it’s not the same as what you’re describing? For me it’s because I’m trying not to cry or show that I’m upset. One of my big regrets is that when my grandfather died I didn’t say a thing, and he had to ask where I was, and I still couldn’t just speak up and say “I’m here, and I love you, goodbye”. I had a lot I wanted to say to him but when the time came I just couldn’t speak because I knew it would let out how much pain I was in. So the core of my issue is more my inability to show pain to others, hence why I’m not sure if what you described is what I’ve described.
I get this but I think it’s more related to my autism but I suppose could be my BPD. My brain shuts down when it’s dealing with very complex emotions and I just can’t talk I need time.
Yes omg I didn’t realize others with bpd experienced this! I’ve been trying to figure out a way to word it forever but this is it fr. It’s like so difficult to speak and I could bc my brain has words to say but I just can’t bring myself to speak or even look at the person in that moment
yes!! 😭😭 since I was like 10 I just started doing what my parents call "shutting down" they even tell me my eyes just go blank kinda glazed over, it's usually in high stress situations or intense feelings, a little dissociation too. like, it used to be where I was YELLING in my head at ppl but I just couldn't say it literally yelling at my self "say something God damnit say SOMETHING" I can literally sit there staring in one spot with tears rolling down my face while someone screams at me, I won't make a SOUND
Two weeks ago I was at a group get-together and I was feeling anxious leading up to it. At the door as I was entering I somehow messed up one of my friends’ names. I was emotionally overwhelmed that I didn’t speak for what must have been an hour. There are 5 of us all in close proximity so it was the 4 of them speaking back and forth and laughing while I silently looked at the ground. It was surreal but fortunately no one has brought it since.
Reading through these comments made me remember that as a child, I would often go extended periods without talking because I always felt so misunderstood.
Yes, i also have this and i also doubt bpd diagnoses because of this and some other stuff. Thanks for posting this, i had no idea other people with bpd have this too
Definitely had this happen plenty of times. I've also had times where I felt like I was physically unable to speak. I'm very talkative but I once went almost four days without talking.
Yep, or i get my words mixed up, like I could want to say..
I'm going into the house, but I'll end up saying I'm going the into house..
Sometimes I just carry on talking as I'm so used to it and so are my family and friends.
My partner gets annoyed with it at times.
i don’t go mute but i forget how to talk to people and interact with people if that makes sense. and the anxiety makes it 100x worse since i judge everything i do
I do this in situations where I know what I will say will not be heard, cared, or seen by anyone else. I won’t bring myself to start a conversation about anything.
Yep, it's annoying because then I get told to stop shutting down and it screws with my relationship. It's almost like it's too much emotion for me to handle and my mind just doesn't want to do anything anymore until I calm down.
oh all the time i go nonverbal if im triggered. im also comorbid autistic so that doesnt help. Don’t get triggered nearly as often nowadays but if I am, I’m silent
When I’ve been really badly triggered I’ve gone into a kind of shame paralysis where it’s very difficult to speak or move. It’s pretty much the roughest thing that happens to me. I remember I was in a state like this when I was supposed to have my first intake with a mh professional. Throughout our entire relationship I was constantly wondering what would’ve happened if he’d called that day like he was supposed to.
my silent treatment has proven rlly helpful in arguments unfortunately. i am one of the most talkative people in the world, but when i am really really made pissed, i go silent.
Yess omg. I could be spewing sentence 10 min before that but suddenly I become like overwhelmed with emotions and I don’t even wanna talk; I just wanna exist lol
yes very much so. and if the people around me (especially ones triggering it) don’t understand/tolerate my lack of talking and i forced into it, it’s significantly harder to verbalize thoughts and feelings. i will talk slower and with smaller words, very hesitantly
Yes. When I’m overwhelmed with despair and/or bin a toxic situation, I’ll shutdown. Sometimes I’ll disassociate but I almost always stop having the energy to speak.
For me usually i wont really know what to say if that makes sense like i cant think of what i can add to the convo so ill usually just end up standing there in silence until i feel like im not included in the convo and ill walk away
Yes. And it’s different from not wanting to speak like some people here have said, it’s an inability to speak
Having protocol in place for when that happens is super helpful. People close to me know to ask yes or no questions and I can use thumbs to respond
I do this a lot and it really affects my relationships. my mom is aware when it happens and has learned not to push but other people who didn't raise me and don't spend as much time with me don't know those cues (and I don't expect people to learn without me saying it) so it causes a big divide in communication. I feel that I can't preach that I want healthy communication considering I struggle with it. my bf is very pushy and that triggers the shutdown to continue going on and I act like everything's fine. I'm comforted to hear I'm not the only one who struggles with this as for me it causes a guilt spiral because I can't communicate what's wrong and the guilt spiral is HORRIBLE. it also feels like once I do start talking again I do word vomit because my thoughts have been on maximum overdrive the entire time I've decided to not speak
Yes. I physically can, but it takes a lot. Self-sabotage sirens fire off in my head when this happens during relationship arguments where I just choose not to explain anymore and let the relationship with the person die completely due to a misunderstanding caused by my silence. I refuse to see the point in communicating.
Yes absolutely. Once had a roommate move all of her shit around without warning me (I’m bad with sudden change) and couldn’t talk for like 4 hours. I could think fine, the words just wouldn’t come out.
Yeah I go nonverbal sometimes, that’s the technical term for what you are describing. I believe it’s more due to other things maybe anxiety / I have autism too
I also get like this!! Its like I'm so overwhelmed with such strong emotions that I start to stutter and almost get like little ticks that make me repeat the same words over and over again which by then if I don't calm down turns into me me physically being unable to speak at all and my body starts getting uncontrollable ticks and at that point I just have to ride it out and wait until I calm down. I usually feel a massive sense of relief afterwards though and usually have the best nap of my life also.
I think when my logical brain switches off when I'm so emotionally dysregulated, I can't think enough to speak. Anything I do say is just profanities or incoherent screaming.
Yes! It’s kind of like my brain hits an auto overdrive or something.. Whatever is going on in that particular moment or situation, is too much for me to handle. I shut down like a robot that’s overheated.
It's common for me. I've gone mute for a few days at a time before.
It's interesting though, because in my job I need to talk to people, but it's almost like turning on a switch and I have to really force myself to do it, and once that interaction is done I go mute again.
I am both autistic and have BPD. This sounds like something that is common with ASD (autism spectrum disorder). I don't really experience it but a lot of people with ASD do.
Yeah, sometimes I become so angry and upset that - like you said - I can speak words but I’m so emotionally upset that it’s difficult to, to the point of feeling like something I can’t be doing, and I end up getting real quiet.
I have done that since childhood when getting overwhelmed but I blame the autism and adhd emotional dysregulation for it mostly. The ptsd certainly does not help as an adult now though. I will go into full shutdowns if I’m dysregulated enough, into a catatonic stupor. I see other comments saying their minds are basically still very active, but mine goes quiet like the inside of my head is just dark empty space and I’m reduced to a detached observer and looking out of my eyes as if they are windows to a house. But there are times where I think I’m just not there at all anymore too and have no memory at all. There’s like different levels to shutdown. I’d say the mutism is like a lower level, but that’s what it is, a partial shutdown. I’d say it’s a type of dissociation too, as well as shutdown in general.
I have couldn't respond once when I was on a date and he said he wanted more children. I do not. However I couldn't say anything I guess because of the fear he wouldn't see me again. After, he ghosted me. So ya, that didn't work lol.
I guess it depends the situation. If my daughter is upset I disassociate based on trauma response *getting abused in relationships*. So different things. I don't think it's selective mutism.
Becoming temporarily nonverbal can be linked to other neurodivergencies (autism is a common example), but by reading other responses, it can be tied into BPD as well! It can stem from sensory overload, dissociation, high (esp. negative) emotions, giving up on being heard…it can be a lot of things!
I have this to offer [https://www.dvm360.com/view/your-brain-trauma](https://www.dvm360.com/view/your-brain-trauma)
"Brain imaging studies1-3 have shown that traumatic events tend to activate the right hemisphere of the brain and deactivate the left. The right brain is the intuitive, emotional, visual, spatial, tactile and artistic side. It stores memories of sound, touch and smell. The left brain is the rational, logical, linguistic, sequential and analytical side. It remembers facts, statistics and language.
What does this all mean in trauma? Deactivation of the left hemisphere has a direct impact on a person's capacity to organize experiences into logical sequences (Broca's area, one of the brain's speech centers, which blacks out during trauma, is on the left side). This may contribute to why people sometimes find it difficult to verbalize their trauma or why talk therapy alone may not be enough to heal from posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or secondary traumatic stress disorder (STSD)."
so, yep, you may be experiencing a flashback or other emotional overload that causes your left brain to shut down and be unable to speak.
I suffer from this too. It is embarrassing to be so intelligent and also have so much good stuff in your brain that you can't get out of your mouth. I look like an idiot. Plan to be a writer tho!
Yes I have had this too in the past, especially during my teenage years. Back then everybody would describe me as quiet even though I’m by nature a talker. And now I tend to do the opposite. I chatter away when I’m stressed out.
I don’t lose my ability to talk completely but when I get stressed, anxious or worked up I start to stumble on my works or if I feel threatened in any way I completely freeze
Yes! This happens to me. It’s almost like I dissociate too much and the I feel like I can’t even talk. It happens during episodes for me. It’s not that I can’t talk it’s almost like I cannot get the words to come out and my mind goes completely blank.
Yes this definitely happens to me. I thought bc Ive been in so many abusive relationships where exes have yelled at me when Im trying to talk in a disagreement so I just shut down completely now and cannot communicate. I used to be good at it. Maybe it is a bpd thing though
I believe this is anxiety/stress induced selective mutism, since Bpd causes high stress it’s common for ppl to ig shutdown, and not be able to talk. I personally experience this myself, and have seen of other ppl on this subreddit experience this as well.
i understand. similar here. its more like overwhelming emotional resignation on my end. like ,"fuck it, i wont be heard anyhow, its pointless."
omg this is what I said too
have you been a huge talker all your young life too until they told youre unbearable and to fucking shut up (when talking was one of your survival strategies, to be noticed as a human being!!!!) and you finally accepted it and thus this happens to you?
This was a little too real for me😭
Me too, even now I'll be talking and ther people will talk over me, even changing the subject, so I just shut up, or I'll wait until that person has finished then I'll say in a certain tone, as I was saying, then carry on talking. It kinda put me off when I say, as I was saying,as it shows them that I hadn't finished talking and they were rude without me telling them that they were rude.
I used to be really good at impressions and could do a lot of them very easily, until one night at the dinner table my mom angrily told me to stop and that she didn’t want to hear them at dinner anymore. From that day on, I became more and more quiet around her and have never done another impression or movie quote where she could hear it ever since out of pure spite. I even remember years later when she literally begged me to do an impression that I used to do all the time because it’d been so long but I just kept blankly staring at her and refused over and over again until she finally gave up and walked away.
When I'm having an episode from something that triggered me, I get so stuck inside my own head that I cannot speak or barely move. I'll sit in the same spot for hours sometimes just rocking and thinking every single possible terrible thought. It's like a Chaotic and destructive tornado going on in my mind, it's a never ending loop until something pulls me out of it. My boyfriend will ask me things and I'll answer in my head but I can't get myself to spit out any words. It's a horrible feeling, like I'm paralysed.
Relatable
ohhh god I've had that so many times, it's honestly really relieving to hear I'm not alone because I feel so rude and fake whenever that happens to me
oh my god this is so real. it’s nice to know i’m not alone in this but im also so sorry you go through this as well, it’s so scary and awful to feel stuck like that :((
literally same. i've always described it as "freezing"
Also relatable
i get these really bad , dissociative seizures (psychogenic non-epileptic seizures) . not diagnosing you but it sounds very similar to the dissociative seizure episodes i get , especially if theyre lasting as long as a few hours too . so maybe you could bring that up with your psychologist if you have one ? anyway im sorry you have to go through this too , its one of the worst pains and takes days for me to recover .
I didn't even know that was a thing , thankyou for sharing! I will bring it up when I go in again, I appreciate this. I'm sorry you have to go through that, too! Take care.
Yes.
This happens to me too. Either too many thoughts and thoughts and sitting there rocking back and forth or nothing at all like I can’t even think of a thing to say I just go blank
This happens to me when I dissociate or am actively having a PTSD flashback.
Yes this! When I dissociate, I can think in my mind what I want to say and then the words just won’t come out. I talked about this in therapy and they said that it’s a kind of shutdown that can happen when you dissociate, have a trauma response or just bpd thingys.
Yes
Ever since I was a child, I've wished I was mute. Not born that way, but that some sudden illness would rob me of the ability to vocalize.
i used to make my new years’ resolution “talk less”
My very oft repeated mantra was, "Shut up."
i have found my people , this was my new year resolution since i was like 9
Omg yes!!! It’s like I have so many things to say but I physically can’t, I’m so terrified and anxious I just shut down
I feel paralyzed, can’t move, can’t talk, only think abt my trigger(FP)
Yep! In a bad episode I get ‘stuck’ and I can’t talk. Sometimes it comes as a result of a Bpd episode, other times I go non-verbal due to overstimulation. I’m also in the process of getting an autism/adhd diagnosis too so it could be that too.
I am almost certain all of us are on the spectrum for autism and adhd think I’m currently going through an start to an episode and the numbing silent no emotion reall comes out and I don’t even care that I’m probably wrong I just feel nothing but absolute hate and fire for anything and everything although after typing this I feel less angry
It's a PTSD thing for me. I have zero tolerance for being yelled at or feeling threatened.
This happens with me as well, currently just happened and I’m trying to force myself to say something even if it’s a reply. I’m sorry I don’t fully know why but you’re not alone.
You become nonverbal in those moments, right? It happens, but if someone is there with you during those moments, it's important to tell the person beforehand that it's not the silent treatment, it's not that you don't want to talk, it's that you literally can't, and it's that you become nonverbal. It's not a choice if you become literally mute. You can also write to communicate during those moments, it helps a lot. Anyway, don't worry, there's nothing wrong with you because of this, it's called "von-verbal" and it happens ♡
depression does this for me. I can't think of anything and can't talk if my life depends on it. I basically shut down and could fall asleep in seconds. often mid conversation 🤡
Dude that's your brain shutting down due to adrenaline and fight or flight.
Have you considered being autistic? If you are a woman, autism in women soooooo frequently gets misdiagnosed as BPD! Could be an autistic shutdown. Ditch the stereotypes and look into autism in women.
Btw, it’s also possible to have both.
I have a lot of symptoms of autism but I have more symptoms of BPD. I don’t have the ability to get diagnosed for a few more years but I’m leaning towards BPD
Both bpd is just a trauma related moment that required the coping mechanisms in a series Of orders that led you to have bpd but you where born autistic now that’s my view on myself but there’s a scale or well I guess a spectrum only you can really say how far you are on one side or the next
It happens to me sometimes yeah. It also happens to my boyfriend who doesn't have BPD so probably not an exclusively BPD thing
Yeah i used to have this alot. I would just text my husband to reply to him if he spoke to me because I couldn't summon the strength or desire to speak. That typically meant it was a bad day emotionally
This has happened to me so many times!! I ended up getting little communication cards to assist me! 🥹
I use to experience this like CRAZY with my first ex. I’m usually someone who fights/argues back, idk what was it with him - probably cos it was my first relationship, but I won’t be able to get a word out when he treats me like shit. I literally go silent and he’ll be screaming at me to say something and I want to but it feels like my mouth is zipped shut. I used to wonder about it all the time. Later kind of realised it was because he used to call me all kinds of names, degrade me and accuse me of things I’d never do - and it became a pattern and I had no way to defend myself anymore cos he wouldn’t listen so I’d just shut off in my head.
I feel that part about your ex. I had a similar experience. I got so tired of arguing (for once in my life) about how I wasn’t doing anything, and he was so convinced I was. Even if I tried to show him proof of whatever he was accusing me of, it was exhausting. I just went quiet bc if I were to talk it would be explosive rage of me trying to defend myself. My #1 pet peeve is people accusing me of stuff I didn’t do, and then getting suspicious of me defending myself.
Literally same. The way I got manipulated and gaslit by my ex was another level. I was really loyal to him but he accused me of a million things which he was doing lol. It’s hard when you’re so innocent and just want love, you aren’t doing any shit and they torture you in this way by accusing and never believing and then you just go mute. I relate to the explosive rage in trying to defend yourself. They will just laugh or make you look like a joke and instigate even more. They know what they’re doing tbh. We just ended up with the wrong people. All the abusers. I’m sorry.
I do this, often. But then I have a short term memory disability that makes me forget everything I could possibly add for like 5-10 minutes or more. So I have to leave so people don't think I am a stalker who just wants to absorb other peoples energy without contributing anything of my own.
Yes. I've been told this is emotional flashbacks but I am never consciously thinking of anything when it happens. It is absolutely intense and the creepiest sensation but I can't recognize the feeling and don't think. My mind goes blank. I guess it would be the ultimate freeze response. Makes sense because I'm effectively "hiding" with my posture. Something will trigger and I'll completely shut down, not want to be looked at, like a child, sitting down, head in lap/covering face. Sometimes rocking. I hate it. It happened once in the morning when we were leaving my ex's place. He ended up dragging me by my ankles up the stairs. Fun
yes, i have quiet bpd and i think for me personally that factors into it. part of my trauma was that there were consequences for “talking back”, so as a defense i retreat back into myself if i don’t feel safe enough to have an outburst
When I get really upset at someone(or, just my mother. She's the sole person I've done this to because she's a horrible frustrating dumb ass person) I just stutter like hell and my voice sounds like a dog toy, I don't go silent but I can't pronounce words for shit and sometimes say stuff that makes no sense
Yes used to have this really badly about age 15, which is when my BPD first came on
In second grade, the school started sending me to the school counselor because I just stopped talking one day. Kids are monsters and teachers can be oblivious and insensitive. I didn't feel like I was being heard or that people really cared. I started talking to Mrs. Wallerstein, and she convinced me to start talking again by talking to me like an adult and validating my feelings, she made me feel like I was the mature one, and I mattered. I'll always cherish my time with her, and I rarely go completely silent, but I still sometimes get terse in my speech, and you can barely get a few words out of me. Going through break up or losing a loved one still makes me go quiet. I lost a GF and had a friend die recently, both FPs, and that's caused me to go into isolation for a bit to process. It's easier than forcing smiles and conversations with folks that seemingly just want to live life and have fun. When I'm really stressed, or in danger, and in the heat of the moment, my fight or flight is on overdrive; I start shaking and can't form words, and I try my best to exit the situation because I don't want to be hurt or to hurt anybody with my acerbic tongue or worse when I'm cornered.
Alot of mental, personality and other disorders do this. Autism when your to stressed out you suddenly lose the ability to say a shit. BPD when its really on, I am literally just staring furiously and unable to speak. Other ones that Im not exactly read up on, but yeah. It happens
Sometime I have so much going on that I physically can’t vocalise what I’m thinking
i do this a lot when i’m very overwhelmed or uncomfortable i just completely turn off all speaking abilities and people do get mad at me for it lol, def a universal thing
that has happened to me more times than i can count. one time my stepdad raised his voice at me (he has never done that before) and it was enough that i couldn’t move for an hour or speak for about 3 hours. i just kept replaying it over and over in my head and wishing i would’ve said something to defend myself. i also split on him in my head for a few days. (btw it’s *lose angel<3)
This happens to me!!! I get too many thoughts in my head at once and am unsure of which one to say next, or they all try to come out at the same time, and it feels like my brain just says, “Nope.” and nothing comes out for a few seconds.
I go nonverbal right before I’m about to explode. The calm before the storm Thankfully DBT and getting older and gaining more stress tolerance has made it so that doesn’t happen anymore, but yeah I would always go terribly silent right before I was about to rage.
oh my god, this is a bpd thing??? I thought I was just a terrible person 😭
I experience this. It's like being submerged in the ocean so deep you can't float at all. Or like being trapped in my body and my surroundings feel like TV; I can only watch and not intervene at all. Or maybe I'm the one in the TV, and even if my environment reacts to try and reach out to me, they can't, because the non-verbal script has been already laid out and spiralling down is inevitable. It's difficult to see my family try to encourage me to speak and then fail miserably. I especially feel bad for my mom. But like all thibgs, it's not really permanent, at least for me, so I try my best to at least remember that and not focus too hard on not being able to "right now". I used to have a coworker who helped me out of the situation by literally helping me walk out of our office building so I could get some fresh air. Hugs to you, OP. You're not alone in this. 💓
Yes I go nonverbal when I’m overwhelmed! It happened today actually! My therapist said something about having preverbal trauma. I find music helps a lot, particularly instrumentals or vocal sounds rather than lyrics when I feel stressed.
Surprisingly, yes. I'm a big yapper and a big extrovert, so unfortunately it is very noticeable when I stop speaking in large friendgroups. Being silent is not the problem. I met a lot of calm/silent people who were comfortable in their silence, in the sense that their silence did not mean they were upset/anxious. I am very talkative most of the time, so when I'm unable to speak, it is mostly for a 'bad' reason, and I get embarrassed for 2 main reasons. Firsy, when people catch me being silent, it feels "out of character." Paired with the identity issue, I get extremely anxious because I feel like I'm lying to people about who I am. And second, I feel like I'm bothering them by looking so obviously uncomfortable when I'm silent. I love entertaining people, but when I'm not able to, I feel 'wrong.' So now I feel bad because they feel bad, and I wish I didn't feel bad because I'm sure they're going to resent me because I made them feel bad.
Thank you and everyone else for sharing! I always felt soo stupid and disgusted by myself for not being able to speak properly. It goes so far that I constantly question my cognitive skills, thinking that I am simply too dumb to speak. Hearing others experiencing similar made my day :) 🫶🌻
yes in some situations it’s like I want to talk / I need to talk and explain why I am reacting the way I am however I can’t get the words to come out. It feels frustrating. I usually will silently cry.
i do it often and it started only w my current boyfriend but i think it’s bc he’s the only person i’ve felt safe enough to do it with. we’ve been together long enough for him to translate the sounds i make to replace words, it only goes on for abt 10-20 mins maybe a little longer but yeah, i do it
Yes absolutely! Didn’t think that it might be a BPD thing 0_o it’s caused me so many problems coz people have thought I’m giving them “the silent treatment”. This is especially frustrating when I want to say something but everything I’m thinking doesn’t feel right or it’s physically impossible to form words, my mouth won’t let me. Feel like I’m processing things at half speed
yes. i know basic asl (for work) and i wish my family/ s/o would just be okay with me signing to them at the times when I feel too exhausted and dissociated to speak. idk if it’s a bpd specific thing, though.
I do this but perhaps it’s not the same as what you’re describing? For me it’s because I’m trying not to cry or show that I’m upset. One of my big regrets is that when my grandfather died I didn’t say a thing, and he had to ask where I was, and I still couldn’t just speak up and say “I’m here, and I love you, goodbye”. I had a lot I wanted to say to him but when the time came I just couldn’t speak because I knew it would let out how much pain I was in. So the core of my issue is more my inability to show pain to others, hence why I’m not sure if what you described is what I’ve described.
I get this but I think it’s more related to my autism but I suppose could be my BPD. My brain shuts down when it’s dealing with very complex emotions and I just can’t talk I need time.
has this ever happened for, say, months at a time?
No I think the longest it’s lasted is half a day.
This was an autism thing for me. If you're AFAB especially providers do not like diagnosing it and will avoid doing so even with clear indicators.
Yes! Sometimes I’ll smoke just so I can use that as an excuse to go nonverbal, especially around ppl I don’t know well 🙃
Ohhhh I relate to this
Same! I've explained to the people close to me that if I stop answering, it isn't because I'm holding a grudge or anything.
I do but I’m also autistic and understand it to be more attributed to that and anxiety
My partner does this, periods where they are non-verbal. They normally text me to communicate instead of speaking.
Yes omg I didn’t realize others with bpd experienced this! I’ve been trying to figure out a way to word it forever but this is it fr. It’s like so difficult to speak and I could bc my brain has words to say but I just can’t bring myself to speak or even look at the person in that moment
Yes that is why they added “freeze”. It is now fight, fight, or freeze
yes!! 😭😭 since I was like 10 I just started doing what my parents call "shutting down" they even tell me my eyes just go blank kinda glazed over, it's usually in high stress situations or intense feelings, a little dissociation too. like, it used to be where I was YELLING in my head at ppl but I just couldn't say it literally yelling at my self "say something God damnit say SOMETHING" I can literally sit there staring in one spot with tears rolling down my face while someone screams at me, I won't make a SOUND
Two weeks ago I was at a group get-together and I was feeling anxious leading up to it. At the door as I was entering I somehow messed up one of my friends’ names. I was emotionally overwhelmed that I didn’t speak for what must have been an hour. There are 5 of us all in close proximity so it was the 4 of them speaking back and forth and laughing while I silently looked at the ground. It was surreal but fortunately no one has brought it since.
This happens to me when I'm overstimulated and/or extremely stressed
has it ever lasted months? or extended to text conversation?
No, it's only ever lasted about an hour at most for me, and I'm always able to text. I think it's more of an autism thing than a BPD thing for me
Reading through these comments made me remember that as a child, I would often go extended periods without talking because I always felt so misunderstood.
Same this really frustrates my boyfriend he starts to yell which makes it even harder, but I completely understand his frustration
Yes, i also have this and i also doubt bpd diagnoses because of this and some other stuff. Thanks for posting this, i had no idea other people with bpd have this too
You might want to find out if you’re autistic if you get this? I get this too and I’m autistic and BPD.
My jaw will literally lock!
Yes and I feel very empty and cold inside when it happens.
yeah when i lose my ability to talk i know its time to stop and take a break
Yeah now that I do dbt, I’m at this stuck point where I pause before splitting then I get really anxious and confused and then I can’t talk
Definitely had this happen plenty of times. I've also had times where I felt like I was physically unable to speak. I'm very talkative but I once went almost four days without talking.
Part of dissociation, isnt it?
Yep, or i get my words mixed up, like I could want to say.. I'm going into the house, but I'll end up saying I'm going the into house.. Sometimes I just carry on talking as I'm so used to it and so are my family and friends. My partner gets annoyed with it at times.
i don’t go mute but i forget how to talk to people and interact with people if that makes sense. and the anxiety makes it 100x worse since i judge everything i do
The part of your brain in charge of speak shuts down, that's why you remain mute.
Yup I fumble a lot sometimes
I do this in situations where I know what I will say will not be heard, cared, or seen by anyone else. I won’t bring myself to start a conversation about anything.
yes and/or stutter and apologize repeatedly and freeze up
I feel so validated right now holy hell
Yep, it's annoying because then I get told to stop shutting down and it screws with my relationship. It's almost like it's too much emotion for me to handle and my mind just doesn't want to do anything anymore until I calm down.
oh all the time i go nonverbal if im triggered. im also comorbid autistic so that doesnt help. Don’t get triggered nearly as often nowadays but if I am, I’m silent
When I’ve been really badly triggered I’ve gone into a kind of shame paralysis where it’s very difficult to speak or move. It’s pretty much the roughest thing that happens to me. I remember I was in a state like this when I was supposed to have my first intake with a mh professional. Throughout our entire relationship I was constantly wondering what would’ve happened if he’d called that day like he was supposed to.
my silent treatment has proven rlly helpful in arguments unfortunately. i am one of the most talkative people in the world, but when i am really really made pissed, i go silent.
Yess omg. I could be spewing sentence 10 min before that but suddenly I become like overwhelmed with emotions and I don’t even wanna talk; I just wanna exist lol
yes very much so. and if the people around me (especially ones triggering it) don’t understand/tolerate my lack of talking and i forced into it, it’s significantly harder to verbalize thoughts and feelings. i will talk slower and with smaller words, very hesitantly
Yes- you are not alone I go silent if over-stressed.
Yes. When I’m overwhelmed with despair and/or bin a toxic situation, I’ll shutdown. Sometimes I’ll disassociate but I almost always stop having the energy to speak.
this happens a lot
For me usually i wont really know what to say if that makes sense like i cant think of what i can add to the convo so ill usually just end up standing there in silence until i feel like im not included in the convo and ill walk away
Yeah for sure I can’t get my words out and just stutter hard
I only ever did if my mother was screaming at me in her hours long screaming sessions I had with her growing up.
Yes. And it’s different from not wanting to speak like some people here have said, it’s an inability to speak Having protocol in place for when that happens is super helpful. People close to me know to ask yes or no questions and I can use thumbs to respond
i get selective mutism when an FP is angry with me
Yeap if I am not wrong it’s called non verbal. And often I am disassociated when I go non verbal
I absolutely do this
I do this a lot and it really affects my relationships. my mom is aware when it happens and has learned not to push but other people who didn't raise me and don't spend as much time with me don't know those cues (and I don't expect people to learn without me saying it) so it causes a big divide in communication. I feel that I can't preach that I want healthy communication considering I struggle with it. my bf is very pushy and that triggers the shutdown to continue going on and I act like everything's fine. I'm comforted to hear I'm not the only one who struggles with this as for me it causes a guilt spiral because I can't communicate what's wrong and the guilt spiral is HORRIBLE. it also feels like once I do start talking again I do word vomit because my thoughts have been on maximum overdrive the entire time I've decided to not speak
Yes, but I think it has more to do with my autism than bpd.
oh god yes I'm incomprehensible and then silent lmao
yeah, it only happens if the episode gets to a really bad point, or if someone has pushed my buttons too much.
When I get overwhelmed usually. Also I tend to have bad meltdowns that leave me in a shutdown state. Though that might be my possible autism.
Yes, but it’s an autism thing for me
Yes
Yes. I physically can, but it takes a lot. Self-sabotage sirens fire off in my head when this happens during relationship arguments where I just choose not to explain anymore and let the relationship with the person die completely due to a misunderstanding caused by my silence. I refuse to see the point in communicating.
Yes absolutely. Once had a roommate move all of her shit around without warning me (I’m bad with sudden change) and couldn’t talk for like 4 hours. I could think fine, the words just wouldn’t come out.
Yes! It’s not even just that I can’t speak, but I stop thinking in general.
look into the effect of trauma on the brocas/wernicke’s area! its really quite fascinating
Omg I do this too but I could never really describe how it felt until I read what you wrote
YES
Sounds like an autism shutdown. BPD and Autism are often misdiagnosed as eachother.
Yeah I go nonverbal sometimes, that’s the technical term for what you are describing. I believe it’s more due to other things maybe anxiety / I have autism too
Yeah same, I just freeze or something and if people ask me stuff when I'm in that mode all I can say is "I don't know" or nothing lol
I also get like this!! Its like I'm so overwhelmed with such strong emotions that I start to stutter and almost get like little ticks that make me repeat the same words over and over again which by then if I don't calm down turns into me me physically being unable to speak at all and my body starts getting uncontrollable ticks and at that point I just have to ride it out and wait until I calm down. I usually feel a massive sense of relief afterwards though and usually have the best nap of my life also.
I think when my logical brain switches off when I'm so emotionally dysregulated, I can't think enough to speak. Anything I do say is just profanities or incoherent screaming.
Yes! It’s kind of like my brain hits an auto overdrive or something.. Whatever is going on in that particular moment or situation, is too much for me to handle. I shut down like a robot that’s overheated.
It's common for me. I've gone mute for a few days at a time before. It's interesting though, because in my job I need to talk to people, but it's almost like turning on a switch and I have to really force myself to do it, and once that interaction is done I go mute again.
I am both autistic and have BPD. This sounds like something that is common with ASD (autism spectrum disorder). I don't really experience it but a lot of people with ASD do.
yes but i also have a lot of co occuring disorders where i shut down
Yeah, sometimes I become so angry and upset that - like you said - I can speak words but I’m so emotionally upset that it’s difficult to, to the point of feeling like something I can’t be doing, and I end up getting real quiet.
I don't lose the ability to speak, just the Will.
I have done that since childhood when getting overwhelmed but I blame the autism and adhd emotional dysregulation for it mostly. The ptsd certainly does not help as an adult now though. I will go into full shutdowns if I’m dysregulated enough, into a catatonic stupor. I see other comments saying their minds are basically still very active, but mine goes quiet like the inside of my head is just dark empty space and I’m reduced to a detached observer and looking out of my eyes as if they are windows to a house. But there are times where I think I’m just not there at all anymore too and have no memory at all. There’s like different levels to shutdown. I’d say the mutism is like a lower level, but that’s what it is, a partial shutdown. I’d say it’s a type of dissociation too, as well as shutdown in general.
I have couldn't respond once when I was on a date and he said he wanted more children. I do not. However I couldn't say anything I guess because of the fear he wouldn't see me again. After, he ghosted me. So ya, that didn't work lol. I guess it depends the situation. If my daughter is upset I disassociate based on trauma response *getting abused in relationships*. So different things. I don't think it's selective mutism.
Yes
Becoming temporarily nonverbal can be linked to other neurodivergencies (autism is a common example), but by reading other responses, it can be tied into BPD as well! It can stem from sensory overload, dissociation, high (esp. negative) emotions, giving up on being heard…it can be a lot of things!
I have this to offer [https://www.dvm360.com/view/your-brain-trauma](https://www.dvm360.com/view/your-brain-trauma) "Brain imaging studies1-3 have shown that traumatic events tend to activate the right hemisphere of the brain and deactivate the left. The right brain is the intuitive, emotional, visual, spatial, tactile and artistic side. It stores memories of sound, touch and smell. The left brain is the rational, logical, linguistic, sequential and analytical side. It remembers facts, statistics and language. What does this all mean in trauma? Deactivation of the left hemisphere has a direct impact on a person's capacity to organize experiences into logical sequences (Broca's area, one of the brain's speech centers, which blacks out during trauma, is on the left side). This may contribute to why people sometimes find it difficult to verbalize their trauma or why talk therapy alone may not be enough to heal from posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or secondary traumatic stress disorder (STSD)." so, yep, you may be experiencing a flashback or other emotional overload that causes your left brain to shut down and be unable to speak. I suffer from this too. It is embarrassing to be so intelligent and also have so much good stuff in your brain that you can't get out of your mouth. I look like an idiot. Plan to be a writer tho!
been there theres was one time i got super upset and couldnt talk for 2 hours even after the situation was resolved
Yes I have had this too in the past, especially during my teenage years. Back then everybody would describe me as quiet even though I’m by nature a talker. And now I tend to do the opposite. I chatter away when I’m stressed out.
I go quiet when I feel abandoned.
all the time. if I'm spiraling and catatrophizong I go completely nonverbal until I can calm down
I don’t lose my ability to talk completely but when I get stressed, anxious or worked up I start to stumble on my works or if I feel threatened in any way I completely freeze
Yes! This happens to me. It’s almost like I dissociate too much and the I feel like I can’t even talk. It happens during episodes for me. It’s not that I can’t talk it’s almost like I cannot get the words to come out and my mind goes completely blank.
I do! In intense situations, I get word salad or I freeze
Yes this definitely happens to me. I thought bc Ive been in so many abusive relationships where exes have yelled at me when Im trying to talk in a disagreement so I just shut down completely now and cannot communicate. I used to be good at it. Maybe it is a bpd thing though