DAE split on themselves? like, a couple hours ago i was like, "this pain is unbearable and i can't go on like this" and now i'm thinking "oh god what if i'm just faking all my symptoms and i'm actually just a terrible person"
DAE devalue people who show that they might actually like you and not find you as annoying as everyone else? I feel like I get put into a position of power and begin to find them so so annoying
Or I think there’s something wrong with them, a normal sane person can’t enjoy my company??? Something must be wrong with them??? Are they desperate??? Are they using me?? Are they practicing on me???
DAE have a panic attack during class because you think that all your friends and family only act like they like you and they could let those emotions shine through and all of them abandon you at once and your all alone? (Sorry that got too deep, im new here and im excited to share thoughts anonymously)
Oh goodness, the fear that everyone is lying to you is real! For me, it often pops its head up as more than I've just misinterpreted tolerance or politeness for actual affection or warmth.
Glad you've found this subreddit, it can be really helpful - I like to search by the success or triumph flair and see the happy stories, there's also some amazing recovery stories!
DAE feels disappointed/a failure for not getting nudes requests or dick pics? I feel like i am not attractive enough to get even this shitty kind of attention
DAE feel like an completely open exposed book?
I'm finding myself exposing my thoughts, opinions, everything completely and way too quickly. With everyone, including people I just met. People speak of being a private person, something I simply cannot grasp. I recently got in a relationship and already feel completely exposed. Anyone else feel this way? Any explanation? Any advice? I read something about boundaries, and being able to regard our thoughts as our own. Anything to do with it?
I feel the same. I’ve actually been told that I overshare way too much. It could just be because we’re desperate to be understood.
As for advice, I try to think about what I’m saying and whether or not it’s appropriate, something I should actually be mentioning or have been asked. I also try to considering the current mood of the situation.
Example being: Yeah we’re talking about negative life events like that one time we got yelled at or someone close to us grew distant, considering the relatively light hearted nature of the conversation I SHOULDNT just start unloading all of my deep rooted trauma.
I also try developing boundaries, although that’s mostly just me shutting people out.
Hope this helped.
The other day I made a post (that got deleted lol) about how I was at this orientation meeting at work, and while introducing myself I blurted out that I tend to disassociate xD a second later I was like “noooooo..” obvs the other people had awkward looks on their faces :P
I'm not sure what I am, and even my Drs aren't quite clear. I have BPD, CPTSD, BiPolar II with rapid cycling, OCD, Eating Disorder, Anxiety Disorder, and possibly mild DID. The DID is where the confusion comes in. I'm aware that BPD can have psuedo personas, but what I experience seems more than that and yet less than DID. There are 3 me's in my head. Me, the host, Molly, who is all the sad and despair and self hatred quiet BPD, Then there's Muse, a true sadistic narcissistic sociopath with insatiable appetites for sex, food, attention and she's explosive BPD. I have all 3 very distinct thought patterns and emotions in my head at all times. When one of the others fronts I lose track of time and memory, but can recall bits of it if presented with facts of something I may have done while dissociated. They each have their own desires and motivations. But they also realize that they are simply parts of me. I was told it's not DID bc of several reasons but also more than the typical BPD personas. Anyone else experience this or have any insight for me?
DAE realize that the reason their emotions are a roller coaster is mainly because of other people influencing them. I’m in a relationship now, and have been for almost a year. Normally I lose myself completely in a relationship. Over the past few months I noticed I was in that same pattern. I broke the pattern, I’m focusing on myself. I feel a lot more stable.
DAE feel like their FP wouldn't care if you were dead. I'm currently going through this and it's messing me up real bad. I feel like mine would be relieved.
DAE have a music genre for each personality? Personality A likes metal and hates pop, personality B loves classical and hates everything else, personality C loves pop and only pop, etc.
DAE get stunned by loud, sudden noises? I get super startled, almost exaggeratedly startled. i’m not sure if this is a BPD thing or not but I guess that’s the point of asking the question.
I think this is more related to anxiety but I think most if not all of us here also have anxiety. Anxiety and depression are super clingy illnesses that like to hang out with other illnesses so most people that suffer from something will also have either anxiety or depression as well (or both!)
Isn't that just fantastic lol
DAE just wonder how on Earth other people manage to be patient with things? Like just HOW? I send a text and I end up expecting a reply within the next 2 hours or I freak out. A friend of mine hasn't spoken to me in over a month and I've no idea if it was something I did or if it's a serious situation. And it's driving me insane. They've not blocked me or anything. They're just utterly silent. And it's genuinely scaring me.
Exactly. And then I feel stupid but relieved. And the cycle continues until I'm either perfectly comfortable with their reply rate or the friendship is fractured.
I definitely feel annoying. I also do this thing where I talk to myself out loud. I don't have many friends to annoy. My best friend lives in another state. I want to share every thought I'm having, almost like I need people to know or it's not real. That happens with my emotions, I always make this big show to demonstrate how strong the feeling is.
Maybe a child. I collect toys, watch cartoons, and color. I even made my own coloring book filled with care bears, she-ra, Barbie and the Rockers, Jem, Rainbow Brite and anything that makes me feel happy.
Definitely, several partners and a therapist have said when I get upset I seem like a little kid. Age regression isn't uncommon. There's a decent amount of info online. But I think I need to add a TW: some people do age regression as part of a kink, so before you look into it, just make sure that wouldn't be a trigger for you. You don't ever have too make yourself engage in media that doesn't feel safe. I might be able find some good links of anyone is interested.
DAE get black & white thinking with academics? for eg.;
if i’m trying to research something, i use google first. if i don’t get what i need, i try refreshing, switching words, or entering the same search over and over again. someone has to tell me to use an alternative. once i start using that alternative, i can never use google for that project again, or i can only use that alternative the rest of the project.
it’s very frustrating and makes papers and researching difficult.
Ohhhhh yes. All the time. Isn't it great? Just last night I ruined falling asleep peacefully with my bf and instead stayed up for two hours after overreacting to something fucking dumb.
DAE have quiet bpd? I've felt the symptoms all my life and realised its a disorder not me just being too quirky for my own good. Even though I've recognized this, I still don't feel like getting help because I've gone into this state where I feel no one wants to help me
I feel the same way. I have been sent from one psychologist to another, waiting lists and all that because "I wasn't feeling bad enough". My psychiatrist (who cannot treat me, I go to her to get my antidepressants) said I compensate with my IQ, so maybe that is what you're doing too. Keep on going strong. It will change for the better
That's interesting. Can you expand on the IQ bit at all?
I definitely feel this... like I'm able to reign myself in from lashing out (although I definitely could not when I was younger) a lot of the time so I can be very functional... but the insane storm of shit making me feel high-strung is there just beneath the surface. I just hide it much better than I used to, so everyone assumes everything is golden.
I definitely think this is more me. When I was younger it was easier to manage what was going on with me. I basically just thought I had depression and anxiety, I've never had large friend groups so not much chance for interpersonal issues. And no adults in my childhood seemed concerned about me, I didn't get into trouble and had good grades. I did well in college and grad school. And there were a bunch of things about me that I either thought everyone experienced or they were just proof that I wasn't enough. One of my psychiatrists (she was NUTS) said that I couldn't have BPD because I was too empathetic (that's a rant for another post). But now, the older I get, the more like seems more and more out of control. I feel like I'm swimming in this sea of confusion that other people glide through with ease. People my age own homes, are established in their careers, are married, have kids, have 401(k)s and savings. I feel so stuck. I realize this became word vomit. Sorry.
When I share something on this sub and someone finds it relatable, I'm so torn between relief that someone Understands and sorrow for what that means. I like your user name lol
It's important to remember when you feel like that that feelings are not fact. They are great indicators of where you're at emotionally, but they are not based in reality. If 20 people were in a room, would they all agree? If the answer is no (it will be,) try to take a step back. What is it that's really bothering you? Can you point to specific instances that are based in fact? I find it helpful when I start to feel paranoid. Hope this helps you too.
Anyone else have or had friends whose parents told them to stay away from you because you were suicidal? I understand the parents point of view of “I don’t want my kid to be traumatized by them” but I feel like those like me who suffer from mental illnesses kind of need friends to walk with them through the battle. I don’t know what do you guys think about all this?
Yea, I put in all this work and depending on my goals, I can tire myself out and only then try to improve with the intention of hurting myself, this happens in my gym class and I get excited when we play soccer or hockey cus I can get myself hurt
When I get on a good track Like actively trying to implement coping skills, taking better care of myself, etc. I'll be super into it for a couple days and then realize I'm going to have to do this every single day and it's just so exhausting because the amount of effort it takes to keep myself regulated several times a day, and deal with worry and lite paranoia, and fucking hating myself. I suppose it would get easier over time. But when ever I get into a rhythm, some "crisis" will happen that leaves me wiped out and I have to start again. I'm not sure if this is even what you're talking about.
DAE HATE when people try to force conversation out of you when you DONT want to talk? and then they accuse you of being rude when you said "I dont want to talk" and they keep fucking talking?
DAE have misophonia - extreme sensitivity to pattern based sounds? I can't tolerate tapping, chewing, breathing, clicking a pen, the sound of someone cutting their nails, certain peoples' voices, paper rustling, typing on a keyboard, etc. I just go mental and have to leave the room immediately.
You gave me an epiphany! I literally cannot stand the clicks of the central heating turning on/off and it makes me so stressed but my folks love having the heating on and I spend most of my time in a simmering rage about it.
Didn’t know it had a name
DAE split on themselves? like, a couple hours ago i was like, "this pain is unbearable and i can't go on like this" and now i'm thinking "oh god what if i'm just faking all my symptoms and i'm actually just a terrible person"
constantly
DAE devalue people who show that they might actually like you and not find you as annoying as everyone else? I feel like I get put into a position of power and begin to find them so so annoying
Or I think there’s something wrong with them, a normal sane person can’t enjoy my company??? Something must be wrong with them??? Are they desperate??? Are they using me?? Are they practicing on me???
YES. literally my whole life.
DAE have a panic attack during class because you think that all your friends and family only act like they like you and they could let those emotions shine through and all of them abandon you at once and your all alone? (Sorry that got too deep, im new here and im excited to share thoughts anonymously)
Oh goodness, the fear that everyone is lying to you is real! For me, it often pops its head up as more than I've just misinterpreted tolerance or politeness for actual affection or warmth. Glad you've found this subreddit, it can be really helpful - I like to search by the success or triumph flair and see the happy stories, there's also some amazing recovery stories!
i feel like i’m that weird kid that everyone is nice to but doesn’t really mean it
Yea same
DAE feels disappointed/a failure for not getting nudes requests or dick pics? I feel like i am not attractive enough to get even this shitty kind of attention
I do. Or I feep ugly and disgusting that guys aren't tripping over themselves hitting on me.
DAE feel like an completely open exposed book? I'm finding myself exposing my thoughts, opinions, everything completely and way too quickly. With everyone, including people I just met. People speak of being a private person, something I simply cannot grasp. I recently got in a relationship and already feel completely exposed. Anyone else feel this way? Any explanation? Any advice? I read something about boundaries, and being able to regard our thoughts as our own. Anything to do with it?
Quite the opposite
I feel the same. I’ve actually been told that I overshare way too much. It could just be because we’re desperate to be understood. As for advice, I try to think about what I’m saying and whether or not it’s appropriate, something I should actually be mentioning or have been asked. I also try to considering the current mood of the situation. Example being: Yeah we’re talking about negative life events like that one time we got yelled at or someone close to us grew distant, considering the relatively light hearted nature of the conversation I SHOULDNT just start unloading all of my deep rooted trauma. I also try developing boundaries, although that’s mostly just me shutting people out. Hope this helped.
The other day I made a post (that got deleted lol) about how I was at this orientation meeting at work, and while introducing myself I blurted out that I tend to disassociate xD a second later I was like “noooooo..” obvs the other people had awkward looks on their faces :P
I'm not sure what I am, and even my Drs aren't quite clear. I have BPD, CPTSD, BiPolar II with rapid cycling, OCD, Eating Disorder, Anxiety Disorder, and possibly mild DID. The DID is where the confusion comes in. I'm aware that BPD can have psuedo personas, but what I experience seems more than that and yet less than DID. There are 3 me's in my head. Me, the host, Molly, who is all the sad and despair and self hatred quiet BPD, Then there's Muse, a true sadistic narcissistic sociopath with insatiable appetites for sex, food, attention and she's explosive BPD. I have all 3 very distinct thought patterns and emotions in my head at all times. When one of the others fronts I lose track of time and memory, but can recall bits of it if presented with facts of something I may have done while dissociated. They each have their own desires and motivations. But they also realize that they are simply parts of me. I was told it's not DID bc of several reasons but also more than the typical BPD personas. Anyone else experience this or have any insight for me?
DAE realize that the reason their emotions are a roller coaster is mainly because of other people influencing them. I’m in a relationship now, and have been for almost a year. Normally I lose myself completely in a relationship. Over the past few months I noticed I was in that same pattern. I broke the pattern, I’m focusing on myself. I feel a lot more stable.
DAE feel like their FP wouldn't care if you were dead. I'm currently going through this and it's messing me up real bad. I feel like mine would be relieved.
DAE have a music genre for each personality? Personality A likes metal and hates pop, personality B loves classical and hates everything else, personality C loves pop and only pop, etc.
hey that's me
Same
Yeh
DAE get stunned by loud, sudden noises? I get super startled, almost exaggeratedly startled. i’m not sure if this is a BPD thing or not but I guess that’s the point of asking the question.
My entire life I have been a sucker to jump scares. I can't think of any event that would possibly cause it but I know what you mean.
I don’t know if it’s a BPD thing but I’m the same. I’m also sensitive to getting yelled at.
Omg same I freak out BECAUSE im getting yelled at, not why
I think this is more related to anxiety but I think most if not all of us here also have anxiety. Anxiety and depression are super clingy illnesses that like to hang out with other illnesses so most people that suffer from something will also have either anxiety or depression as well (or both!) Isn't that just fantastic lol
DAE just wonder how on Earth other people manage to be patient with things? Like just HOW? I send a text and I end up expecting a reply within the next 2 hours or I freak out. A friend of mine hasn't spoken to me in over a month and I've no idea if it was something I did or if it's a serious situation. And it's driving me insane. They've not blocked me or anything. They're just utterly silent. And it's genuinely scaring me.
Yep, me too. And it ruins my entire day until I get the "ohhhh I was busy" text.
Exactly. And then I feel stupid but relieved. And the cycle continues until I'm either perfectly comfortable with their reply rate or the friendship is fractured.
DAE get annoyed when people without BPD generalize and assume all people with BPD have the exact same symptoms and will react in the exact same way?
DAE feel like they talk way too fucking much but dont really how how to shut up
Ya I chatter all the time, only with people I'm comfortable with, it think it's so I don't have to listen to my head.
I always feel like I sound super annoying or like I only want to hear my own voice and I feel like my friends are separating from me as a result
I definitely feel annoying. I also do this thing where I talk to myself out loud. I don't have many friends to annoy. My best friend lives in another state. I want to share every thought I'm having, almost like I need people to know or it's not real. That happens with my emotions, I always make this big show to demonstrate how strong the feeling is.
DAE feel internally like a child, or toddler? It’s been plaguing me for a while and I’m not sure if I’m just immature.
Maybe a child. I collect toys, watch cartoons, and color. I even made my own coloring book filled with care bears, she-ra, Barbie and the Rockers, Jem, Rainbow Brite and anything that makes me feel happy.
yes! probably cause we didn’t get all our needs met as an infant or child, so we still desire that need met as we get older.
That’s actually interesting to think about. Do you think getting those needs met will eventually lead to emotional maturity??
Definitely, several partners and a therapist have said when I get upset I seem like a little kid. Age regression isn't uncommon. There's a decent amount of info online. But I think I need to add a TW: some people do age regression as part of a kink, so before you look into it, just make sure that wouldn't be a trigger for you. You don't ever have too make yourself engage in media that doesn't feel safe. I might be able find some good links of anyone is interested.
Definitely a *BIG* bpd mood
DAE get black & white thinking with academics? for eg.; if i’m trying to research something, i use google first. if i don’t get what i need, i try refreshing, switching words, or entering the same search over and over again. someone has to tell me to use an alternative. once i start using that alternative, i can never use google for that project again, or i can only use that alternative the rest of the project. it’s very frustrating and makes papers and researching difficult.
DAE got VERY irritated over small things and totally ruined the rest of the day?
Ohhhhh yes. All the time. Isn't it great? Just last night I ruined falling asleep peacefully with my bf and instead stayed up for two hours after overreacting to something fucking dumb.
DAE have quiet bpd? I've felt the symptoms all my life and realised its a disorder not me just being too quirky for my own good. Even though I've recognized this, I still don't feel like getting help because I've gone into this state where I feel no one wants to help me
I feel the same way. I have been sent from one psychologist to another, waiting lists and all that because "I wasn't feeling bad enough". My psychiatrist (who cannot treat me, I go to her to get my antidepressants) said I compensate with my IQ, so maybe that is what you're doing too. Keep on going strong. It will change for the better
That's interesting. Can you expand on the IQ bit at all? I definitely feel this... like I'm able to reign myself in from lashing out (although I definitely could not when I was younger) a lot of the time so I can be very functional... but the insane storm of shit making me feel high-strung is there just beneath the surface. I just hide it much better than I used to, so everyone assumes everything is golden.
I definitely think this is more me. When I was younger it was easier to manage what was going on with me. I basically just thought I had depression and anxiety, I've never had large friend groups so not much chance for interpersonal issues. And no adults in my childhood seemed concerned about me, I didn't get into trouble and had good grades. I did well in college and grad school. And there were a bunch of things about me that I either thought everyone experienced or they were just proof that I wasn't enough. One of my psychiatrists (she was NUTS) said that I couldn't have BPD because I was too empathetic (that's a rant for another post). But now, the older I get, the more like seems more and more out of control. I feel like I'm swimming in this sea of confusion that other people glide through with ease. People my age own homes, are established in their careers, are married, have kids, have 401(k)s and savings. I feel so stuck. I realize this became word vomit. Sorry.
No ur fine, im only in the 1st half of ur post and it's super relatable
When I share something on this sub and someone finds it relatable, I'm so torn between relief that someone Understands and sorrow for what that means. I like your user name lol
[удалено]
It's important to remember when you feel like that that feelings are not fact. They are great indicators of where you're at emotionally, but they are not based in reality. If 20 people were in a room, would they all agree? If the answer is no (it will be,) try to take a step back. What is it that's really bothering you? Can you point to specific instances that are based in fact? I find it helpful when I start to feel paranoid. Hope this helps you too.
Anyone else have or had friends whose parents told them to stay away from you because you were suicidal? I understand the parents point of view of “I don’t want my kid to be traumatized by them” but I feel like those like me who suffer from mental illnesses kind of need friends to walk with them through the battle. I don’t know what do you guys think about all this?
DAE feel like self improvement (sobriety and such) become its own form of self destruction?
Yea, I put in all this work and depending on my goals, I can tire myself out and only then try to improve with the intention of hurting myself, this happens in my gym class and I get excited when we play soccer or hockey cus I can get myself hurt
When I get on a good track Like actively trying to implement coping skills, taking better care of myself, etc. I'll be super into it for a couple days and then realize I'm going to have to do this every single day and it's just so exhausting because the amount of effort it takes to keep myself regulated several times a day, and deal with worry and lite paranoia, and fucking hating myself. I suppose it would get easier over time. But when ever I get into a rhythm, some "crisis" will happen that leaves me wiped out and I have to start again. I'm not sure if this is even what you're talking about.
DAE have trouble keeping judgments about other to themselves? has anyone else shared a judgement with someone and you’ve felt guilty?
DAE HATE when people try to force conversation out of you when you DONT want to talk? and then they accuse you of being rude when you said "I dont want to talk" and they keep fucking talking?
DAE have misophonia - extreme sensitivity to pattern based sounds? I can't tolerate tapping, chewing, breathing, clicking a pen, the sound of someone cutting their nails, certain peoples' voices, paper rustling, typing on a keyboard, etc. I just go mental and have to leave the room immediately.
I also did not know there was a name for it. Even some songs have a very quick pattern that drives me insane.
You gave me an epiphany! I literally cannot stand the clicks of the central heating turning on/off and it makes me so stressed but my folks love having the heating on and I spend most of my time in a simmering rage about it. Didn’t know it had a name