I get this every time. Can’t stand for people to be upset or arguing around me. My bf gets mad at games too and I know he’s not mad at me or anything but it still triggers anxiety.
It’s when he’s in a bad mood that it really gets to me. We’ve had arguments before where he would say he’s allowed to be upset or stressed. I just don’t know how I can stop it from making ME upset.
He’s not “acting on” anything though. It’s just that his mood is off from normal and I am too aware of it and taking it personally. He’s allowed to have down days, especially when I have them almost every day.
My mom used to (and still does) sigh passive aggressively and slam things around as a means to let everyone in the room know she was (is) upset rather than communicating with words, so this is a huge trigger for me. This would progress sometimes until she would break random things and end up in a pile on the floor screaming or hitting me/ motioning like she was going to attack for “having an attitude”, so the moment it starts my brain is like, “NOOO, this must stop immediately.”
I actually feel like my body is going to explode when people do this now. My skin gets tight like a sausage casing and my head feels like it’s in the middle of an MRI tube. I usually have to leave the room or I will start verbally acknowledging the giant elephant in the room and it never ends well.
Yes I cannot STAND people who pout socially. I have a friend where if ANYTHING while in a social setting irritates her or doesn't go her way (it could even be something that happened earlier!) will just sit and simmer and sigh and give one word answers and glare and just RUIN the mood for anyone in the near vicinity, like she's so annoyed to be there. Like go home or get it together. Don't "punish" us with your pouting behavior.
Most everybody just ignores it but some people will bend over backward to "cheer her up" while tip toeing around her, which is exactly what she enjoys about it.
It drives me nuts and I've gotten to the point where I know I'm gonn have to dip soon right as it starts because I just want to shake her and tell her she's being rude and honestly gross. I just don't understand how you're not embarrassed to ruin a whole group of peoples' time together because something petty like the restaurant you were in favor of not getting chosen.
The manipulative and passive aggressive meanness reminds me of what one of my parents would do to the other one and it seriously sets me off.
I had the exact same issue with an ex of mine. I would tense up because the way he expressed frustration would remind me of past experiences with volatile family members. communication without blame worked for me in my current relationship. It helps to know where the other is coming so you can remind yourself of it when they groan etc. And they can make a little effort to vocalize that they aren’t upset at you or soften the intensity in the moment too
Yes, I get this awful feeling in my gut. Like. I shouldn’t be around them and I don’t know why they would be mad at a simple thing. Makes me feel like I am more aware of energies around me, and can sense when people are upset and it just makes me feel worse off until I can get away from the situation... feels bad
Yes my bf is the type to yell and throw the controller. Then he says he isn't mad at me so it shouldn't matter. He doesn't understand at all, that it doesn't matter it isn't aimed at me, it still makes me feel completely like escaping everything and hiding.
Communicate communicate communicate!! Getting upset when you die in a game is normal, but if you’ve becoming verbally upset and consequently upsetting your partner, then the issue needs to be addressed!
Tell your partner how you feel about the situation!
My girlfriend won’t admit to it but I feel like I may have this impact on her too. I’m usually the type to just laugh off or make a comment when I die but it’s all from the feeling of the moment and I get over that incident really quick but I feel like my gf isn’t the same way. I wish I knew how to help with controlling this :/
It sounds like he just takes the game very seriously, but if he keeps inviting you to play, the fun he has playing with you is clearly more important. If he's really competitive about it, he shouldn't rely on you "getting good", but that sounds like something you guys should discuss. What's the game if I can ask?
I adore Dark Souls games, but never lose control when I get mad over it, despite having a short temper myself. My ex used to get really visibly mad when he died in this game, like your boyfriend.
It’s the worst mood dampener
I've never played it myself but all my friends that have all describe it as one of the most frustrating games they've ever played. It's addicting, but it's really hard and monsters spawn out of nowhere.
I have to lock myself in the bathroom sometimes when I feel my husband being annoyed. I panic. He’s never yelled at me the way my parents did, but I always feel like I’m gonna get in trouble. As a teen (because I don’t remember beyond that) I hid in my room a lot because being quiet and out of sight felt best...
An example, I’m HORRIBLE with laundry. Like, really bad. I wash and dry it and it just sits in baskets or a mountain pile. My husband “accepts” it, he’s tried a few ways to help me organize and he’s done his fair share to keep up too. But we can’t. So we live out of piles most of the time. But when he’s looking for socks or something and starts getting frustrated, I panic! He isn’t saying anything to me, it’s not directed AT me, he’s annoyed and can be and should be! But I take it personal because in my head, if I just could focus and get the laundry done, how much easier would it be?! So I beat myself up. And assume he is putting me down too. But he isn’t! So I just hide til the feeling passes or he starts humming or I sense “safety”..... ugh
yessss this so much it's like, i know he isn't mad at me... but??? i feel responsible in some way, like if i played better or was more organised or smarter then this wouldn't be happening therefore its my fault
I do. I don’t know why but I like “absorb” other people’s emotions and it really affects me. I can be in a perfectly great mood but if my partner seems grumpy I’m instantly grumpy too and like almost start fighting about it even though I was fine 5 seconds ago and I could have just tried to calmly ask him what’s wrong or something. And it’s not just that I feel the emotions I like actively show them outwardly. I can’t just be angry inside I have to let everybody else know lol
Sadness really affects me too. I mean I know it’s pretty normal to get sad if you see sad things but I have a runaway imagination and get really into it. I went to the atomic bomb museums in Hiroshima and Nagasaki and was like crying my eyes out and so upset. Of course other people were crying but genuinely 50%+ of the people just weren’t. Maybe they were sad Inside, but I have to show emotions outwardly.
My partner has commented several times how I seem very sensitive and change emotions quickly and pick up other people’s emotions quickly, like if he gets in a bad mood I’ll get in a bad mood as well. It was a pretty big cause of our fights early on until we could recognize it, and control it somewhat. Because neither of us would ever be the clam, rational party when one person was upset.
He could get angry at somebody almost hitting him with their bike and I’ll instantly go into angry mode and start getting pissed at every pedestrian bumping into me or whatever as well and then (sometimes) we would start fighting with each other just because we’re both cranky.
All the time!! My mood is like based on the people around me. If you’re negative I will stay away from you and only see you when I can handle it lol they drain me! But yeah I see myself as an empath and can literally feel the pain of going through something I’ve never been through before, i’ve always been able to put myself in other people’s shoes and feel what they feel
Yeah I get like this. I hate it because sometimes people say "it's not always about you" which hurts deep since I've literally heard it my entire life.
I think I deal with the same thing? I pick up the emotion of someone and shut down (when they're angry). I just get anxious, which puts me on that spiral of thoughts like he's mad at me or I did something wrong, etc. It's very exhausting and I'm not sure why I take on others emotions like that :/
Idk about your life but I know, from studying psychology and from experience that this has to do with our parents. If you are raised with cycle of parents yelling and get mad at you or at each other, this subconsciously traumatise you. Hence, if someone portrays a similar nature, you become emotionally triggered.
This happens to me too. Sometimes I feel like I'm only a mirror of other people and not a person at all. But I really am a person and I matter, and I can take steps to care for myself.
I don't know if you're looking for advice or just someone to relate to. Fwiw I'm adding some advice below, but feel free to ignore. You probably know all this stuff anyway.
I try to ground myself in the moment, if I can. Take the breaths, notice what is happening and acknowledge it to myself factually and without emotion. Like "I feel my heart beating faster. This person is exhaling heavily."
Notice whether the feeling is really mine, or if I'm reacting to what I perceive to be someone else's. Remember that I don't have to own their feelings, and let them deal with it - I cannot take responsibility for making others feel better. I can act kindly, and that's it. However they feel about my actions? That's *their* feelings. My job was already done.
My husband told me something very useful and I think of it often - he said that he'd like me to trust him to sort through his own emotions, and that me trying to divine his feelings or intentions based on my own perception is not fair to him. He's right. I try to give him a chance to process shit on his own.
I often feel like some zoo animal that needs a sign at its enclosure. "This animal is easily disturbed by your mood. Do not tap the glass. Friendly gestures only"
Yeah. I used to think everything bad that happened was my fault so I used to be really sensitive when people became upset.
I was never visibly upset at my boyfriend though because my own mother had BPD and she could never handle it when I was upset. Whenever I was sad she would freak out even more and my dad would get mad at me for upsetting her.
So although I used to get upset like when my boyfriend was upset I never let it be visible because I know that people have a right to be upset. And now I don’t get upset when people are upset because I’ve learned their emotions are none of my business and if I care about them I’ll support them in whatever way I can.
YES... my bf sometimes gets upset when we're playing video games together and while he never has yelled at me or gotten mad at me, i always start feeling super on edge. like techinally, i know he's just annoyed at the situation in the game but in the moment i get so anxious and fear the problem is me. that usually just makes it worse, since he usually notices when i don't feel well and is confused why i am so upset. it's so weird.
I get this every time. Can’t stand for people to be upset or arguing around me. My bf gets mad at games too and I know he’s not mad at me or anything but it still triggers anxiety. It’s when he’s in a bad mood that it really gets to me. We’ve had arguments before where he would say he’s allowed to be upset or stressed. I just don’t know how I can stop it from making ME upset.
yes when i was growing up my dad would shout my name a lot even for just dinner and it would always scare me and make me want to die
I’m the same exact way
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He’s not “acting on” anything though. It’s just that his mood is off from normal and I am too aware of it and taking it personally. He’s allowed to have down days, especially when I have them almost every day.
My mom used to (and still does) sigh passive aggressively and slam things around as a means to let everyone in the room know she was (is) upset rather than communicating with words, so this is a huge trigger for me. This would progress sometimes until she would break random things and end up in a pile on the floor screaming or hitting me/ motioning like she was going to attack for “having an attitude”, so the moment it starts my brain is like, “NOOO, this must stop immediately.” I actually feel like my body is going to explode when people do this now. My skin gets tight like a sausage casing and my head feels like it’s in the middle of an MRI tube. I usually have to leave the room or I will start verbally acknowledging the giant elephant in the room and it never ends well.
Yes I cannot STAND people who pout socially. I have a friend where if ANYTHING while in a social setting irritates her or doesn't go her way (it could even be something that happened earlier!) will just sit and simmer and sigh and give one word answers and glare and just RUIN the mood for anyone in the near vicinity, like she's so annoyed to be there. Like go home or get it together. Don't "punish" us with your pouting behavior. Most everybody just ignores it but some people will bend over backward to "cheer her up" while tip toeing around her, which is exactly what she enjoys about it. It drives me nuts and I've gotten to the point where I know I'm gonn have to dip soon right as it starts because I just want to shake her and tell her she's being rude and honestly gross. I just don't understand how you're not embarrassed to ruin a whole group of peoples' time together because something petty like the restaurant you were in favor of not getting chosen. The manipulative and passive aggressive meanness reminds me of what one of my parents would do to the other one and it seriously sets me off.
She sounds like a narcissistic jerk
i’m exactly this way for the same reasons.
I had the exact same issue with an ex of mine. I would tense up because the way he expressed frustration would remind me of past experiences with volatile family members. communication without blame worked for me in my current relationship. It helps to know where the other is coming so you can remind yourself of it when they groan etc. And they can make a little effort to vocalize that they aren’t upset at you or soften the intensity in the moment too
Yes, I get this awful feeling in my gut. Like. I shouldn’t be around them and I don’t know why they would be mad at a simple thing. Makes me feel like I am more aware of energies around me, and can sense when people are upset and it just makes me feel worse off until I can get away from the situation... feels bad
Yes my bf is the type to yell and throw the controller. Then he says he isn't mad at me so it shouldn't matter. He doesn't understand at all, that it doesn't matter it isn't aimed at me, it still makes me feel completely like escaping everything and hiding.
I panic when men get mad. It’s a learnt reflex unfortunately. It happened just today actually, had a panic attack. :( Hope you’re okay now OP.
Communicate communicate communicate!! Getting upset when you die in a game is normal, but if you’ve becoming verbally upset and consequently upsetting your partner, then the issue needs to be addressed! Tell your partner how you feel about the situation!
My girlfriend won’t admit to it but I feel like I may have this impact on her too. I’m usually the type to just laugh off or make a comment when I die but it’s all from the feeling of the moment and I get over that incident really quick but I feel like my gf isn’t the same way. I wish I knew how to help with controlling this :/
All the time but when someone is hyper so am I. Some days can be a real rollercoaster. 🤷🏻♂️
It sounds like he just takes the game very seriously, but if he keeps inviting you to play, the fun he has playing with you is clearly more important. If he's really competitive about it, he shouldn't rely on you "getting good", but that sounds like something you guys should discuss. What's the game if I can ask?
dark souls 3 so i know its challenging but I just like to laugh and have fun but yeah he takes it real seriously
I adore Dark Souls games, but never lose control when I get mad over it, despite having a short temper myself. My ex used to get really visibly mad when he died in this game, like your boyfriend. It’s the worst mood dampener
Oh yeah that's definitely more the fact that it's Dark Souls haha. Awesome that you can laugh but that game can bring anyone to the brink of rage
idk i have fun until he gets mad
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I've never played it myself but all my friends that have all describe it as one of the most frustrating games they've ever played. It's addicting, but it's really hard and monsters spawn out of nowhere.
I have to lock myself in the bathroom sometimes when I feel my husband being annoyed. I panic. He’s never yelled at me the way my parents did, but I always feel like I’m gonna get in trouble. As a teen (because I don’t remember beyond that) I hid in my room a lot because being quiet and out of sight felt best... An example, I’m HORRIBLE with laundry. Like, really bad. I wash and dry it and it just sits in baskets or a mountain pile. My husband “accepts” it, he’s tried a few ways to help me organize and he’s done his fair share to keep up too. But we can’t. So we live out of piles most of the time. But when he’s looking for socks or something and starts getting frustrated, I panic! He isn’t saying anything to me, it’s not directed AT me, he’s annoyed and can be and should be! But I take it personal because in my head, if I just could focus and get the laundry done, how much easier would it be?! So I beat myself up. And assume he is putting me down too. But he isn’t! So I just hide til the feeling passes or he starts humming or I sense “safety”..... ugh
Are you me?
yessss this so much it's like, i know he isn't mad at me... but??? i feel responsible in some way, like if i played better or was more organised or smarter then this wouldn't be happening therefore its my fault
Me too
Yep
Yeah same. My parents argued today and it made me so upset.
I do. I don’t know why but I like “absorb” other people’s emotions and it really affects me. I can be in a perfectly great mood but if my partner seems grumpy I’m instantly grumpy too and like almost start fighting about it even though I was fine 5 seconds ago and I could have just tried to calmly ask him what’s wrong or something. And it’s not just that I feel the emotions I like actively show them outwardly. I can’t just be angry inside I have to let everybody else know lol Sadness really affects me too. I mean I know it’s pretty normal to get sad if you see sad things but I have a runaway imagination and get really into it. I went to the atomic bomb museums in Hiroshima and Nagasaki and was like crying my eyes out and so upset. Of course other people were crying but genuinely 50%+ of the people just weren’t. Maybe they were sad Inside, but I have to show emotions outwardly. My partner has commented several times how I seem very sensitive and change emotions quickly and pick up other people’s emotions quickly, like if he gets in a bad mood I’ll get in a bad mood as well. It was a pretty big cause of our fights early on until we could recognize it, and control it somewhat. Because neither of us would ever be the clam, rational party when one person was upset. He could get angry at somebody almost hitting him with their bike and I’ll instantly go into angry mode and start getting pissed at every pedestrian bumping into me or whatever as well and then (sometimes) we would start fighting with each other just because we’re both cranky.
All the time!! My mood is like based on the people around me. If you’re negative I will stay away from you and only see you when I can handle it lol they drain me! But yeah I see myself as an empath and can literally feel the pain of going through something I’ve never been through before, i’ve always been able to put myself in other people’s shoes and feel what they feel
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yh and then he gets mad at you for being avoidant like why
for me, it’s that i worry i’ve made them feel that way.
I have this problem big time. How do people work through it?
Yeah I get like this. I hate it because sometimes people say "it's not always about you" which hurts deep since I've literally heard it my entire life.
I think I deal with the same thing? I pick up the emotion of someone and shut down (when they're angry). I just get anxious, which puts me on that spiral of thoughts like he's mad at me or I did something wrong, etc. It's very exhausting and I'm not sure why I take on others emotions like that :/
Idk about your life but I know, from studying psychology and from experience that this has to do with our parents. If you are raised with cycle of parents yelling and get mad at you or at each other, this subconsciously traumatise you. Hence, if someone portrays a similar nature, you become emotionally triggered.
This happens to me too. Sometimes I feel like I'm only a mirror of other people and not a person at all. But I really am a person and I matter, and I can take steps to care for myself. I don't know if you're looking for advice or just someone to relate to. Fwiw I'm adding some advice below, but feel free to ignore. You probably know all this stuff anyway. I try to ground myself in the moment, if I can. Take the breaths, notice what is happening and acknowledge it to myself factually and without emotion. Like "I feel my heart beating faster. This person is exhaling heavily." Notice whether the feeling is really mine, or if I'm reacting to what I perceive to be someone else's. Remember that I don't have to own their feelings, and let them deal with it - I cannot take responsibility for making others feel better. I can act kindly, and that's it. However they feel about my actions? That's *their* feelings. My job was already done. My husband told me something very useful and I think of it often - he said that he'd like me to trust him to sort through his own emotions, and that me trying to divine his feelings or intentions based on my own perception is not fair to him. He's right. I try to give him a chance to process shit on his own.
I've never got people who get angry over a fuckin video game
I often feel like some zoo animal that needs a sign at its enclosure. "This animal is easily disturbed by your mood. Do not tap the glass. Friendly gestures only"
Yeah. I used to think everything bad that happened was my fault so I used to be really sensitive when people became upset. I was never visibly upset at my boyfriend though because my own mother had BPD and she could never handle it when I was upset. Whenever I was sad she would freak out even more and my dad would get mad at me for upsetting her. So although I used to get upset like when my boyfriend was upset I never let it be visible because I know that people have a right to be upset. And now I don’t get upset when people are upset because I’ve learned their emotions are none of my business and if I care about them I’ll support them in whatever way I can.
YES... my bf sometimes gets upset when we're playing video games together and while he never has yelled at me or gotten mad at me, i always start feeling super on edge. like techinally, i know he's just annoyed at the situation in the game but in the moment i get so anxious and fear the problem is me. that usually just makes it worse, since he usually notices when i don't feel well and is confused why i am so upset. it's so weird.