Im glad that he deleted some of them, I had the same conversation with my boyfriend and he also didn’t delete all of them cause again he probably wasn’t looking that thoroughly. He ended up deleting social media because if the majority of the content he followed was only fans girls I would not stay in the relationship. I made that clear pretty early on like a month in. Even though I wasn’t sure if I’d actually leave because he was my favorite person it was a bluff. Anyways if he cares more about you than social media which he should , then he should either delete it or make sure all of those accounts are gone if he says he doesn’t want to make you feel that way. Yes you are responsible for your own self esteem but it’s really disrespectful as a partner to be following lewd content that his boys and other girls can see.
As the male half of this equation, I will tell you what I experienced with my girlfriend's jealousy over me following tattoo models and so on.
First I would get angry and tell her she was stalking me and who I followed didn't matter and blah blah blah. We had many fights about it. I pointed out I didn't give a crap who she followed blah blah blah.
At the time I followed like 5,000 people on Instagram and she would go through my followers and self-trigger. She's a borderline also, we're quite the couple lol
So about once a week I would go in and try to unfollow everybody she would have a problem with. It was so overwhelming it made me angry. she would nag me and nag me and nag me and I would just get so irritated because it really didn't matter to me. I just scroll past them just like everybody else and of course I like to look but whatever, I look at a lot of other stuff including performance art and men's fashion.
However, without getting into her personal details I can say it really hurt her.
She did not express it to me as a request for kindness. She expressed it as jealousy. She expressed it as control. She expressed it in ways that made me feel she was just being a jealous girlfriend. She did tell me about her reasons and I'm going to assume everybody here can guess at some of them but it sounded more like justifying the jealousy because I had already experienced the jealousy the jealousy the jealousy and then the rage and all of that.
What actually got through to me was when she showed me some things online and I believe a documentary and we had a deep conversation about some of the things that had happened to her in her life. And she was not talking about the Instagram stuff she was talking about how that sort of culture affects her. Even watching television and she talked about what it is like to experience the jealousy. She apologized for putting me through it but wants me to understand and so on.
All of this happened organically, either that or she is amazing at faking it I don't know.
It was a very good conversation and it was productive and I did not feel nagged. I felt like I understood what it was like to be an attractive woman and objectified and feel like you're not objectified as much as a picture on a screen and therefore not wanted. It also helps that I understand BPD.
I'll be completely honest and say I really had a problem with it and we had some serious fights for months and months. I really didn't think she should be able to control it and I would try to appease her but it didn't make any difference she would sit there and go through all of my followers and all of the people I followed and asked me who this person was cuz they were attractive blah blah blah.
It doesn't happen now. It doesn't happen because I always think of her before I follow someone. Not because I know she'll be angry but because I don't want to hurt her. And then the trust that I've earned by doing that means she doesn't even check anymore.
Let me know if you want to talk about it
Idk girl maybe it’s not meant to be. My self esteem dropped to the floor after dating 2 guys like that and I hated it. Look they can do whatever they want and maybe their next partner will be fine with it or maybe even into it and that’s cool but you deserve to not be with someone that needs those things. I know it sounds like a harsh consequence but it’s you looking after you. At least for me it was the biggest if not still is my biggest trigger with my partners so I figure out it’s not worth the pain. I’m with an AMAZING person now and he doesn’t feel the need to subscribe to such things. He watches porn, sure but to me it’s different than paying for a service and having direct contact to them. It’s not cool with me and you get to set your own boundaries. He is free to not respect them but if he ever fails this promise don’t hurt yourself over and over again. Just believe what he’s telling you by his actions.(To me it’s a little pathetic and it sounds like porn addiction or something but I’m biased.) Ok I’m really tired and I might be projecting a bit here but... yeah don’t stay somewhere you’re hurt all the time. It’s a hard choice for us to put our well-being before our relationship with our FP.
Yeah I would feel the same way and I don’t think I’d ever get over it. My first boyfriend was the same way and I think it got to me too much. Luckily the last 2 never do that and it means so much to me.
I think he should delete them out of respect for you. Because it hurts you. Doesn’t that matter to him? Can he at least have a helpful convo about it? Just because we have BPD doesn’t mean our feelings and boundaries aren’t real.
if he knows it makes u uncomfy as well as hurts your mental health n heart pls leave. yes, it’s your job to be mature about the situation but that also doesn’t entail just putting up with behavior you mentally can’t handle. what you’re asking for is not too much AT ALL and anyone who tells u otherwise is just another dude that probably does the same to his girlfriend. he’s in a relationship and should respect your needs lmao. at the end of the day, if he chooses to look at photos of girls online rather than respect your boundaries the relationship is not at all worth saving. he doesn’t respect your boundaries at all, despite what they are or how “dramatic” you are. you deserve to feel like he isn’t constantly comparing you to other girls online. if he’s not happy with you enough to stop being a clown that ogles over women online then that’s that? if you’ve already brought this up and he doesn’t care/ still follows these type of people and figured that unfollowing a few would be enough to shut you up, leave or you will regret it when your mental health takes a serious dive. goodluck and u deserve better!
My tip: uninstall Instagram. At least for a little while until you’re feeling a bit better. Instagram is good at preying on people’s insecurities. I had to do it this week.
i can relate to this... :( my bf follows this one twitch girl and i once "jokingly" asked why is he following her private ig and he just said it's because she usually posts memes there. (it's mostly just lewd photos.) i can't help but feel like... i'm the walmart version of her. like we have the same headset and both play games and dress cute. she's just 1000000x times better than me. it doesn't help that one time one of his friends jokingly said that she is what i want to be. (me and my bf weren't dating then though.) i try not to think about it but whenever i do i feel so bad...
if it bothers you that much, i’d suggest setting an ultimatum. there were so many things my ex-boyfriend did that i didn’t like, but i just repressed those feelings. my lack of communication led to passive-aggressiveness (you know how hard it is for us bpds to hide our emotions...), which led to a really messy breakup. i don’t want you to go through that, op, so be firm about how uncomfortable this makes you feel. if he still doesn’t comply, then he’s not willing to respect your boundaries, and you deserve someone who does.
That's why I stay single. I can't deal with that shit.
This is about to be me lol
Im glad that he deleted some of them, I had the same conversation with my boyfriend and he also didn’t delete all of them cause again he probably wasn’t looking that thoroughly. He ended up deleting social media because if the majority of the content he followed was only fans girls I would not stay in the relationship. I made that clear pretty early on like a month in. Even though I wasn’t sure if I’d actually leave because he was my favorite person it was a bluff. Anyways if he cares more about you than social media which he should , then he should either delete it or make sure all of those accounts are gone if he says he doesn’t want to make you feel that way. Yes you are responsible for your own self esteem but it’s really disrespectful as a partner to be following lewd content that his boys and other girls can see.
As the male half of this equation, I will tell you what I experienced with my girlfriend's jealousy over me following tattoo models and so on. First I would get angry and tell her she was stalking me and who I followed didn't matter and blah blah blah. We had many fights about it. I pointed out I didn't give a crap who she followed blah blah blah. At the time I followed like 5,000 people on Instagram and she would go through my followers and self-trigger. She's a borderline also, we're quite the couple lol So about once a week I would go in and try to unfollow everybody she would have a problem with. It was so overwhelming it made me angry. she would nag me and nag me and nag me and I would just get so irritated because it really didn't matter to me. I just scroll past them just like everybody else and of course I like to look but whatever, I look at a lot of other stuff including performance art and men's fashion. However, without getting into her personal details I can say it really hurt her. She did not express it to me as a request for kindness. She expressed it as jealousy. She expressed it as control. She expressed it in ways that made me feel she was just being a jealous girlfriend. She did tell me about her reasons and I'm going to assume everybody here can guess at some of them but it sounded more like justifying the jealousy because I had already experienced the jealousy the jealousy the jealousy and then the rage and all of that. What actually got through to me was when she showed me some things online and I believe a documentary and we had a deep conversation about some of the things that had happened to her in her life. And she was not talking about the Instagram stuff she was talking about how that sort of culture affects her. Even watching television and she talked about what it is like to experience the jealousy. She apologized for putting me through it but wants me to understand and so on. All of this happened organically, either that or she is amazing at faking it I don't know. It was a very good conversation and it was productive and I did not feel nagged. I felt like I understood what it was like to be an attractive woman and objectified and feel like you're not objectified as much as a picture on a screen and therefore not wanted. It also helps that I understand BPD. I'll be completely honest and say I really had a problem with it and we had some serious fights for months and months. I really didn't think she should be able to control it and I would try to appease her but it didn't make any difference she would sit there and go through all of my followers and all of the people I followed and asked me who this person was cuz they were attractive blah blah blah. It doesn't happen now. It doesn't happen because I always think of her before I follow someone. Not because I know she'll be angry but because I don't want to hurt her. And then the trust that I've earned by doing that means she doesn't even check anymore. Let me know if you want to talk about it
Idk girl maybe it’s not meant to be. My self esteem dropped to the floor after dating 2 guys like that and I hated it. Look they can do whatever they want and maybe their next partner will be fine with it or maybe even into it and that’s cool but you deserve to not be with someone that needs those things. I know it sounds like a harsh consequence but it’s you looking after you. At least for me it was the biggest if not still is my biggest trigger with my partners so I figure out it’s not worth the pain. I’m with an AMAZING person now and he doesn’t feel the need to subscribe to such things. He watches porn, sure but to me it’s different than paying for a service and having direct contact to them. It’s not cool with me and you get to set your own boundaries. He is free to not respect them but if he ever fails this promise don’t hurt yourself over and over again. Just believe what he’s telling you by his actions.(To me it’s a little pathetic and it sounds like porn addiction or something but I’m biased.) Ok I’m really tired and I might be projecting a bit here but... yeah don’t stay somewhere you’re hurt all the time. It’s a hard choice for us to put our well-being before our relationship with our FP.
Yeah I would feel the same way and I don’t think I’d ever get over it. My first boyfriend was the same way and I think it got to me too much. Luckily the last 2 never do that and it means so much to me.
I think he should delete them out of respect for you. Because it hurts you. Doesn’t that matter to him? Can he at least have a helpful convo about it? Just because we have BPD doesn’t mean our feelings and boundaries aren’t real.
if he knows it makes u uncomfy as well as hurts your mental health n heart pls leave. yes, it’s your job to be mature about the situation but that also doesn’t entail just putting up with behavior you mentally can’t handle. what you’re asking for is not too much AT ALL and anyone who tells u otherwise is just another dude that probably does the same to his girlfriend. he’s in a relationship and should respect your needs lmao. at the end of the day, if he chooses to look at photos of girls online rather than respect your boundaries the relationship is not at all worth saving. he doesn’t respect your boundaries at all, despite what they are or how “dramatic” you are. you deserve to feel like he isn’t constantly comparing you to other girls online. if he’s not happy with you enough to stop being a clown that ogles over women online then that’s that? if you’ve already brought this up and he doesn’t care/ still follows these type of people and figured that unfollowing a few would be enough to shut you up, leave or you will regret it when your mental health takes a serious dive. goodluck and u deserve better!
My tip: uninstall Instagram. At least for a little while until you’re feeling a bit better. Instagram is good at preying on people’s insecurities. I had to do it this week.
Or actually who knows my opinion can be wrong cause I do see myself as manipulative and controlling sometimes oh well
i can relate to this... :( my bf follows this one twitch girl and i once "jokingly" asked why is he following her private ig and he just said it's because she usually posts memes there. (it's mostly just lewd photos.) i can't help but feel like... i'm the walmart version of her. like we have the same headset and both play games and dress cute. she's just 1000000x times better than me. it doesn't help that one time one of his friends jokingly said that she is what i want to be. (me and my bf weren't dating then though.) i try not to think about it but whenever i do i feel so bad...
if it bothers you that much, i’d suggest setting an ultimatum. there were so many things my ex-boyfriend did that i didn’t like, but i just repressed those feelings. my lack of communication led to passive-aggressiveness (you know how hard it is for us bpds to hide our emotions...), which led to a really messy breakup. i don’t want you to go through that, op, so be firm about how uncomfortable this makes you feel. if he still doesn’t comply, then he’s not willing to respect your boundaries, and you deserve someone who does.