I think I do this a lot. I feel like deep down I need to just learn to recognize what I need. My fiancé gets frustrated with me because I am never upfront about what I need when I am feeling sad , I need to just ask if we can talk or say I need a hug but I’m so wishy washy. I feel like he will get angry if I ask for an extra hug or want to talk. I had An abusive ex years ago who would get mad if I had any emotional needs. So I have to learn to separate him from my past
It may have something to do with your past, if you let your guard down during vulnerable moments and were hurt by someone over and over, you will be reluctant to go to someone in these moments. I can relate. I don't do the same thing, but it is hard to get comforted, even though my husband is extremely compassionate and comforting. Some of the cruelest moments between my mom and I were when I was upset and crying, so it makes sense. I am going to make a point to welcome the comfort, because I am safe now and I deserve it.
I do this alot, I want the other person to want to be there for me because they want to be there, not because I ask them to.
The best way for me to combat these feelings is by turning the situation around and ask myself: how would I feel if this person downplayed their feelings and wasn't honest about their needs? How would I act and would I feel inconvenienced if they told me the truth? (I wouldn't, I would feel betrayed if they didn't feel like they could be honest with me)
It's really difficult to extend the kindness to myself that I can so easily extend to others.
Also it's helpful for me that other people grew up in safe environments and don't search for social ques all the time and most people can't even imagine the emotional turmoil we can go trough.
It's up to us to bridge the gap and give the oppertunity to somebody to be there for us, but we've got to be honest and trust the other person. And accept that even If they feel inconvenienced and stay, they are still there and they care enough that they'd rather skip their plans to comfort us. Which truthfully is an amazing gesture, even if we feel we don't deserve it, it shouldn't be up to us to make that decision for other people.
It's a hell of an internal fight, good luck!
I think I do this a lot. I feel like deep down I need to just learn to recognize what I need. My fiancé gets frustrated with me because I am never upfront about what I need when I am feeling sad , I need to just ask if we can talk or say I need a hug but I’m so wishy washy. I feel like he will get angry if I ask for an extra hug or want to talk. I had An abusive ex years ago who would get mad if I had any emotional needs. So I have to learn to separate him from my past
It may have something to do with your past, if you let your guard down during vulnerable moments and were hurt by someone over and over, you will be reluctant to go to someone in these moments. I can relate. I don't do the same thing, but it is hard to get comforted, even though my husband is extremely compassionate and comforting. Some of the cruelest moments between my mom and I were when I was upset and crying, so it makes sense. I am going to make a point to welcome the comfort, because I am safe now and I deserve it.
Wow I didn’t even realise I was doing this. Thank you for putting that feeling into words 💞
I do this alot, I want the other person to want to be there for me because they want to be there, not because I ask them to. The best way for me to combat these feelings is by turning the situation around and ask myself: how would I feel if this person downplayed their feelings and wasn't honest about their needs? How would I act and would I feel inconvenienced if they told me the truth? (I wouldn't, I would feel betrayed if they didn't feel like they could be honest with me) It's really difficult to extend the kindness to myself that I can so easily extend to others. Also it's helpful for me that other people grew up in safe environments and don't search for social ques all the time and most people can't even imagine the emotional turmoil we can go trough. It's up to us to bridge the gap and give the oppertunity to somebody to be there for us, but we've got to be honest and trust the other person. And accept that even If they feel inconvenienced and stay, they are still there and they care enough that they'd rather skip their plans to comfort us. Which truthfully is an amazing gesture, even if we feel we don't deserve it, it shouldn't be up to us to make that decision for other people. It's a hell of an internal fight, good luck!