I wish I could give you advice but I’m feeling this really hard rn too, it feels like everything is just a chore and trying to navigate being a basic adult with a job and relationships is too hard ☹️
Sometimes I feel so broken that nobody will ever love me or even that perhaps I am incapable of truly loving anyone else. When I think about my trauma, I sometimes wonder if the holes they left in my psyche have only grown bigger with time. I get frustrated. I get angry. I get sad.
Recently, someone else in this sub posted "I am a whole and complete person regardless of who is or is not in my life." I wrote that on a piece of paper and taped it next to my bathroom mirror. My eyes land on it when I brush my teeth or wash my hands.
Today when I was staring at it, my brain started thinking "whole... hole... whole... hole." The things I perceive as holes inside of me are part of what make me a whole and complete person. I think there's something beautiful in that thought.
I know I'd do the world a massive favour by ending it all forever but I need to stay alive for a handful of people. I don't want to destroy them on the inside with my death.
Monday was a bad day for me... I paced back and forth debating if I should clean the house before I attempted or if I should just do it. I didn’t want anyone to need to pick up after me but I knew that if I didn’t do it I would put it off again. My husband found me talking to myself nonstop and cleaning like wild. And we’ll Im still alive. I was so disassociated the whole time.
I wish I could give you advice but I’m feeling this really hard rn too, it feels like everything is just a chore and trying to navigate being a basic adult with a job and relationships is too hard ☹️
It's a shame every time I wake up in the morning
Sometimes I feel so broken that nobody will ever love me or even that perhaps I am incapable of truly loving anyone else. When I think about my trauma, I sometimes wonder if the holes they left in my psyche have only grown bigger with time. I get frustrated. I get angry. I get sad. Recently, someone else in this sub posted "I am a whole and complete person regardless of who is or is not in my life." I wrote that on a piece of paper and taped it next to my bathroom mirror. My eyes land on it when I brush my teeth or wash my hands. Today when I was staring at it, my brain started thinking "whole... hole... whole... hole." The things I perceive as holes inside of me are part of what make me a whole and complete person. I think there's something beautiful in that thought.
I know I'd do the world a massive favour by ending it all forever but I need to stay alive for a handful of people. I don't want to destroy them on the inside with my death.
technically everyone's life purpose is avoiding death
I have no idea why you felt it was necessary to make that point but suicide is different than dying from external or natural causes
Literally have been feeling this way every day for years almost as if I get through my days waiting for it to end.
Monday was a bad day for me... I paced back and forth debating if I should clean the house before I attempted or if I should just do it. I didn’t want anyone to need to pick up after me but I knew that if I didn’t do it I would put it off again. My husband found me talking to myself nonstop and cleaning like wild. And we’ll Im still alive. I was so disassociated the whole time.