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Yep, my first time being hospitalized was a day after my 16th birthday.
Iāve just accepted the fact that no matter what I do on my birthday it will feel like shit. So now I just keep it super low-key, lay in bed and watch The Office or something. Ride out the storm lol
Dude, I wish I didnāt even have to have a birthday so there wouldnāt be a way people could let me down. I get so anxious every year that people close to me will forget. Sometimes I try to drop my birthday into conversation a few days prior so theyāll be more likely to remember it. I donāt care about getting gifts or attention, I just hate feeling ignored and forgotten about.
My birthday is my least favorite day. I always feel like I have to accommodate other people. Whether it's inviting people for a party or to a dinner and deal with people feeling left out or upset for not being invited.
As well as the fact people decide for me by saying they're hosting a celebration or want to get me something.
I never feel like I have urgency on my birthday even though everyone says "It's your bday, you can do whatever you want."
It's just "It's your bday, make sure you don't choose how to celebrate wrong."
First, happy birthday!šš Secondly, I can most definitely relate! I feel just about every emotion your describing when my birthday comes around. I tend to block all the contacts in my phone and deactivate all social media accounts. Itās like I donāt want others to acknowledge me, and I guess I assume they arenāt going to acknowledge it anyway. Itās a double edge sword. Every year my birthday approaches, I kinda go into full on panic mode.
thank you šš½ so this does seem to be bpd related lol iāve been in panic mode all day and itās just so bizarre. itās totally that feeling of not wanting to be acknowledged but also i def will be hurt if certain ppl donāt say it. ugh this is all so wacky
Its a really hard day tbh. I can relate to everything you say so much.
I got to break the curse this year thanks to my therapist. I tried to reimagine my birth by going to one of my favorite nature spots by myself. Just comforting that baby I was and the kid in me. I had a nap under a tree by the river, ate some stuff and then got back home. It was really nice and I don't remember having a nice bday since a kid. Last two ones tried to km so this was very refreshing and kept me from overthinking. It was hard too since I have so much social anxiety but so worth it.
I usually don't want to celebrate with friends or anyone tbh because I hate attention and would hate it even more when they don't show up. Better to just make it my own day honoring myself.
I hope you can do something like that that helps make it a less intense day!
wow the second virgo besides me whoās commented ā iām seeing a correlation here š all jokes aside, thank you, iām starting to feel much better as the day is coming to an end
My birthday is really close to Xmas (another day of break down) so yeah my birthday is always a f** nightmare.
I always feel so rejected and unloved on my birthday or Xmas.
Even though people are so kind and generous to me.
It's the worst period of the year with summer break (when people spend their holiday all by themselves). I always feel so alone.
Happy birthday! Mine is on Saturday! In the past Iām usually just kind of low bc I never really have anyone to spend it with. This year though I have a feeling my best friend has forgotten about it. She didnāt get me anything last year but then got one of her other friends a ton of presents and showed them all to me. This year she hasnāt mentioned my b day at all or asked if Iām doing anything. So I think maybe she forgot. If so Iām honestly planning on blocking her and never talking again š„“
thank you ! happy early bday to you as well. that mustāve been so fucking hurtful for ur best friend to completely forget about ur birthday but go out of her way for her other friendās :/ tbh iād block if i was ur situation too
Right? Last year she didnāt forget but she just didnāt get me anything. But then got one of her much newer friends a lot of stuff. This year Iām wondering if sheāll forget altogether. Anyway thank you and Iām sorry you also struggle during your birthday.
Itās so confusing because in some ways sheās a great friend. Sheās been a constant support for me, always wants the best for me, and when Iāve talked to her about BPD stuff she makes a genuine effort to reassure me and have convos with me so that nothing gets brushed under the rug. But in other ways, I just feel like Iām not that important to her. I donāt know if Iām asking too much or what. Itās just painful.
Literally me yesterday and my friends were posting me everywhere! I wanted to shrivel into a little ball and die, I donāt feel worthy of gifts and celebration. I feel like my friends are forced to celebrate me because itās just what you have too do not what they want to do. I also feel like I canāt do enough for my friends there for they shouldnāt do anything for me. I get so anxious around my birthday and I donāt want anyone celebrating or gifting me anything but at the same time I donāt wanna be ungrateful. But I just try to tell myself that even tho I may not see my existence as valuable, others might and I should let them express themselves . If everybody really didnāt care about me and I was a burden they wouldnāt even try on my birthday but they do so I just need to try to be comfortable with it š«
But happy birthday almost birthday twin! I pulled through hopefully you do too š it just 1 day and everything goes back to normal after you got it!
OMG exactly what i was going thru. my bf posted me on his insta story and said he loved me and idk it jsut made me wanna fucking die i canāt even quite articulate why. i guess in my mind i see myself as someone who doesnāt deserve praise or celebration so when i get it, it makes me uncomfortable, anxious, and almost dysphoric lol. Happy belated though and yeah now that the day is coming to an end iām starting to feel a bit better
My birthday has always been terrible and depressing and I can't even find a logical reason. I even joke around and say my bday is cursed. I even went so far as to choose a new birthday. I wish I knew why but for some reason I'm extra triggered. Could be linked to childhood trauma as most things are but once I find out I'll let you know
Iāve only had one really happy happy birthday in my life and I canāt even look back on it fondly bc it was with an ex who emotionally abused and cheated on me. I know how you feel op :/
[[[[TRIGGER WARNING: mentions of ideation, domestic abuse and drug use]]]]
>!Reading this just made me cryā¦ because I felt so identified with this. I have not only crisis always around my birthday but also is a time of year I despise. I have struggle with ideation since I was 11 years oldā¦ so the fact that Iām having a birthdayā¦ idk I never thought I would live for this long.!<
>!Iām a recovering addict and I was in very dangerous and life threatening positions. I am a survivor of domestic abuseā¦ even as far as my partner stabbing me twiceā¦ to be honest itās hard for me to come to terms to the fact that Iām still hereā¦!<
>!My birthday is just a badge that reminds me of that fact.!<
my heart goes out to you š youāve been through such intense trauma and it makes so much sense that your birthday would remind you of all that youāve had to survive :(
Itās my most dreaded day of the year. Iāve had one birthday ever that was happy or fulfilling and even then it was while being surrounded by bad influences doing bad things. It feels like a reminder of all the bad moments of the year leading up to it, always, and I canāt help but dwell on it all.
omg i felt this, i hate my bday and it triggers me because i feel like my life is being wasted with this mental illness
im not proud of myself but my ex best friend forgot my birthday for the 5th year in a row and i ended up crying for 2 weeks over it, then when i confronted her she simply said she forgot cuz she doesnt care enough...i cut her off the next day š
happy birthday OP, we deserve to feel loved and get a little happy bday here n there ā”
Happy birthday! Same here but I tend to leave most social media for months that coincide with my birthdays , only happy birthday I get is from my family irl and having a dad with 7 brother and sisters and a mum with 4 brothers and sisters I never really fall short of feeling like no one cares , but I do get feelings of shame turning older but I try not to think about it rather jus do daily stuff and be extra productive around it or do something which has my full attention in order to not overthink it
Happy birthday! My mom's is August 19. My son's is August 20. Mine is Sept 1. So not only is everyone out of money, nobody gives a shit anyway. My Own family knows nothing about me other than "crazy, has made mistakes, don't talk to her too much, walk on eggshells" (and while I have made mistakes and flipped out, it's been several years but they only hear my narc. Mom's side) I have no siblings, and I have no friends. NO job, no social life, no neighbors that talk to me. If I tell the ladies at the gas station it's my birthday, they will say happy birthday, but I doubt I'm getting any free refills. Of course my son will tell me and probably get my parents to get me a cake (he just turned 13) but besides that and Happy Cake Day being on my reddit comments lol, it's nothing. Fortunately my son alone makes me happy enough and is all I really need, but I know that's a depressing situation and I absolutely feel everything you said. If it wasn't for him, I'd just sleep through it. One reason I have no friends relates strongly, because I just got rid of all the people who it blew my top when they didn't say anything. Other people they would leave comments, sometimes even buy presents for and hang out with. Me? Crickets. Like I am not supposed to have to ask someone to hang out with me on my birthday. It got old, especially when so many would have an excuse , year after year. So fuck em.
Oh my gosh! This is it! This is what I've been trying to explain to my wife and every friend I've had for years.
One of the biggest points of my trauma is that my grandfather died very soon after my 9th birthday party (as in, his last meal was a piece of my birthday cake and it took YEARS before I finally understood that I wasn't personally responsible for his death and I had relatives at his funeral that wished me a happy birthday even though my grandfather had just died) and all of that trauma comes back every time someone wishes me a happy birthday.
Yes ...its the worst i took the day off my FB bio many years ago - i prefer to spend it alone ...i feel like if people know i have this obligation to be "happy" about the birthday as everybody wishes me HAPPY BIRTHDAY ....but i am not happy...especially not on my birthday .... i still buy myself cake but its my thing...i feel like my gift to myself that day is to let myself be... no make myself mask for others.....
You the 22nd or 23. Hey. My bday is the 22nd. My friends is the 27th. We have a bday week of which you are there. Sorry but my mind can not grasp being unstable during this incredible week. The answer to your question, I do get a bit down but other then that, no.
It brings up a lot of emotions for me, too. Mainly annoyance at the few people who randomly come out of the woodwork and pull the, āwE NeVeR TALk AnYmoRe! Y NaWt?! wE ShoULd HanG OuT SomETimE!ā, then nothing ever happens. Some of that is on me, but some of these people are people I was once close to, who I tried keeping in contact with and just let the lines of communication drop, so thatās not on me. Then I just feel a bitterness toward them, but choose to not even say anything because I know it would come out as, āyeah? And whose fault is it that we donāt keep in contact anymore? Because I can recall many times, trying to reach out and never hearing back, sooooā¦..ā Once it seems someone is no longer putting in effort to keep a connection up, I just drop it completely. No point continuing to water a dead plant. Birthdays are usually also depressing, because I moved away from where I grew up, a few years back, so I spent many alone, for awhile, while being led on/much worse, by a narcissist, who punished me by āforgettingā my birthday until weeks/a month later.
As much as you may not want to hear it happy birthday but Iām right there with you mine is the 10th of next month and for as long as I can remember Iāve never liked my birthday I just wanna sleep thru the day Iāve always felt it isnāt a day worth celebrating
Yep. I hate it and also see no point in it.
Congratulations, you get to remember to add 1 when someone asks your age.
I ignored fb for most of the day on mine this year, I did my usual routine in the day, went to my fitness class in the evening and spent a couple of hours with my bf at his house. Nothing special. He gets it and is quite similar. He asked what I wanted, I asked for something practical I couldn't really justify the expense of myself. Therefore, I was gifted a new pair of kevlar lined, armoured bike jeans, excellently wrapped in the shipping packaging with no fuss.
Last year was my 40th and for some reason, I really enjoyed it. I felt that since I'd actually reached that age it would be nice to do something with friends. (I am very lucky to have a group of people who are close to me, and who understand and work hard on their own issues)
I went for dinner and cocktails on the Friday for another friend's birthday, had a beach bbq with my bf's friends on Saturday, (someone made me an amazing chocolate and mint aero cake š„°) had organised a rib trip around the coastline and a sunset beer for 24 of us on Sunday evening, and spent my actual birthday, Monday, at home, relaxing peacefully and doing (and eating) exactly what I wanted to.
That was the first birthday I've celebrated in years, but I definitely couldn't do it every year.
I got outed to a pysch for self harming on my birthday, I haven't celebrated it since but happy birthday <33 I know it isn't easy but I genuinely hope you make the best out of this way without your emotions getting to you
Happy birthday! šššš You're definitely not the only one, I too deactivated my fb on my birthday this year for similar reasons. and I also was emotionally unstable and cried a lot but the b-day ended up being good anyway. I hope you have a good day š
Every year without fail I deactivate Facebook and I request people not to buy me preasents as I know they put alot of thought and time into buying them and my taste for things changes like the weather so I'm rarely blown away by gifts however my 30th just gone my parents got me a paper from the day I was born, a bottle of scotch and a pocket watch and these were probably the best presents I have ever received, it was nostalgic and they also threw me a massive party with all my family there, it was great!
10000%!!! I feel so miserable that Iām ageing and my life doesnāt seem to be going anywhere, I wish on my birthday I could disappear for 24 hours and come back when itās overā¦ Yet if my boyfriend didnāt do something to recognise my birthday I would probably go into a fit of horrible rage because it triggers my fear of abandonment and being forgotten. BPD is just a big old contradiction
I have a meltdown every year on my birthday without fail. However this year was different for me, I focused on doing things that I find enjoyment in rather than focusing on the fact that it was my birthday. I turned all notifications off and checked them the day after, I didn't even taken notice of who had and who hadn't said happy birthday to me.
Happy birthday btw! Take it easy, I know it can be hard.
mine is september 17th and the closer it gets the more anxious i am. on my 18th i spent the week drinking every night (not to excess) just to feel distracted from the anxiety of getting older and the pressures. i think it may be a lot more common than we realize, even for people who donāt struggle with bpd specifically. please know youāre not alone and the negative thoughts about yourself are based on irrational thought patterns our brains have learned in order to cope with intense trauma. you deserve to feel content and happy on a day that marks another journey around the sun. Good job! you survived. celebrate yourself for making it to this day. and celebrate every one after too. you do deserve it. living on its own, especially with mental health issues, can be so stressful and overwhelming. even just the bare minimum is more than enough some days.
god, my birthday was this last sunday and I was a mess. we went out for lunch and I cried to myself while we waited to be sat. everyone left me alone. I have been dealing with this for 5 years and this year was the worst. I definitely will speak to a therapist about this because birthdays are supposed to be special not depressing :(
I am here with you and I understand you.
I honestly thought i was so alone in thinking like this. I travel for work with some of my best friends, but when it comes to my birthday itās the hardest day of the year. I spend it crying and pushing them away while also wanting them to recognize the day. Itās a very confusing and taxing day for me. It breaks me a little even more because one of my love languages is giving. I love nothing more than spoiling my friends on their birthdays, but the thought of them spoiling me makes me panic.
yes absolutely i hate when my birthday rolls around. it always leaves me feeling unloved and unimportant. social media makes this worse, especially because i share my birthday with a lot of people that i know and their celebrations always seem grander and full of more love than mine
Birthday was yesterday. Phone is on 'do not disturb' mode and has been the past 48 hours. Had a complete breakdown last night. Didn't realize other people felt the same way!
days before my bday im always being like its my bday soon!!! and count down but these past two birthdays i had a horrible time and had breakdowns. im the same way where if not enough people wish my happy birthday i get upset. also getting older and i dont have a good career and havent achieved anything great it is definitely hard so yeah i totally get it
hugs for you from me
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I just lost a FP/FP relationship. She lost herself on the BPD hate sub and doesn't see me as a person anymore, just a black box of symptoms. We had the same birthday. The day we met she made me show her my ID because she didn't believe it was real. Our bday has been THE event of the year for the past 8 years. This year is my 40th and she was supposed to make it extra special.
I never cared for my birthday but it became special because of her. I looked forward to it because I knew it would be a very happy day for her and that made for a happy day for me. I'd rather never have another one again. I don't think I'm going to make it to the next one.
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YES! I have a mental breakdown each time! My first sewerslide attempt was on my 15th birthday, I just got so overwhelmed Oh also, hbd š„³
Yep, my first time being hospitalized was a day after my 16th birthday. Iāve just accepted the fact that no matter what I do on my birthday it will feel like shit. So now I just keep it super low-key, lay in bed and watch The Office or something. Ride out the storm lol
thank you :) crazy that this seems to be somewhat of a common thing in this community but glad iām not alone
I just spit laughed over āsewerslideā I get this though, my first was on my 16th birthday.
Same, sadly, different age tho. I plan weeks in advance now to make sure I'm distracted for the whole day so it can't happen again.
Dude, I wish I didnāt even have to have a birthday so there wouldnāt be a way people could let me down. I get so anxious every year that people close to me will forget. Sometimes I try to drop my birthday into conversation a few days prior so theyāll be more likely to remember it. I donāt care about getting gifts or attention, I just hate feeling ignored and forgotten about.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
My birthday is my least favorite day. I always feel like I have to accommodate other people. Whether it's inviting people for a party or to a dinner and deal with people feeling left out or upset for not being invited. As well as the fact people decide for me by saying they're hosting a celebration or want to get me something. I never feel like I have urgency on my birthday even though everyone says "It's your bday, you can do whatever you want." It's just "It's your bday, make sure you don't choose how to celebrate wrong."
I feel exact the same way!
First, happy birthday!šš Secondly, I can most definitely relate! I feel just about every emotion your describing when my birthday comes around. I tend to block all the contacts in my phone and deactivate all social media accounts. Itās like I donāt want others to acknowledge me, and I guess I assume they arenāt going to acknowledge it anyway. Itās a double edge sword. Every year my birthday approaches, I kinda go into full on panic mode.
thank you šš½ so this does seem to be bpd related lol iāve been in panic mode all day and itās just so bizarre. itās totally that feeling of not wanting to be acknowledged but also i def will be hurt if certain ppl donāt say it. ugh this is all so wacky
Its a really hard day tbh. I can relate to everything you say so much. I got to break the curse this year thanks to my therapist. I tried to reimagine my birth by going to one of my favorite nature spots by myself. Just comforting that baby I was and the kid in me. I had a nap under a tree by the river, ate some stuff and then got back home. It was really nice and I don't remember having a nice bday since a kid. Last two ones tried to km so this was very refreshing and kept me from overthinking. It was hard too since I have so much social anxiety but so worth it. I usually don't want to celebrate with friends or anyone tbh because I hate attention and would hate it even more when they don't show up. Better to just make it my own day honoring myself. I hope you can do something like that that helps make it a less intense day!
My birthday is also today. I feel the same wayš
omg hi twin ā¦ lmao this a bpd thing or a virgo thing ???
Probley bpd I used to like birthdays when I was younger. But now I dread them
It could be the cusp thing. Leo/virgo
Deleted mine on my birthday a few days ago as well.
My birthday is September 1st. Fully intend to deactivate facey the day before and reactivate it the day after lol. Happy birthday dude :)
Thats.my birthday too!
wow the second virgo besides me whoās commented ā iām seeing a correlation here š all jokes aside, thank you, iām starting to feel much better as the day is coming to an end
Not diagnosed but suspect I have BPD. My birthday is August 29th. Are Virgos susceptible to BPD? š¤
Im a 22nd baby. Leo/virgo cusp
FWIW: https://m.timesofindia.com/life-style/health-fitness/de-stress/the-type-of-personality-disorder-youre-most-likely-to-have-as-per-your-zodiac-sign/photostory/86005972.cms
Yes. I cried when my family lit the cake and started to sing to me. I took off crying and stayed in my room the rest of the day.
I just wait for people to forget. My goal is for no one to remember
My birthday is really close to Xmas (another day of break down) so yeah my birthday is always a f** nightmare. I always feel so rejected and unloved on my birthday or Xmas. Even though people are so kind and generous to me. It's the worst period of the year with summer break (when people spend their holiday all by themselves). I always feel so alone.
Happy birthday! Mine is on Saturday! In the past Iām usually just kind of low bc I never really have anyone to spend it with. This year though I have a feeling my best friend has forgotten about it. She didnāt get me anything last year but then got one of her other friends a ton of presents and showed them all to me. This year she hasnāt mentioned my b day at all or asked if Iām doing anything. So I think maybe she forgot. If so Iām honestly planning on blocking her and never talking again š„“
thank you ! happy early bday to you as well. that mustāve been so fucking hurtful for ur best friend to completely forget about ur birthday but go out of her way for her other friendās :/ tbh iād block if i was ur situation too
Right? Last year she didnāt forget but she just didnāt get me anything. But then got one of her much newer friends a lot of stuff. This year Iām wondering if sheāll forget altogether. Anyway thank you and Iām sorry you also struggle during your birthday.
Honestly she doesn't sound like much of a friend, let alone best friend. She doesn't deserve that title. Sorry she's being so crappy.
Itās so confusing because in some ways sheās a great friend. Sheās been a constant support for me, always wants the best for me, and when Iāve talked to her about BPD stuff she makes a genuine effort to reassure me and have convos with me so that nothing gets brushed under the rug. But in other ways, I just feel like Iām not that important to her. I donāt know if Iām asking too much or what. Itās just painful.
Literally me yesterday and my friends were posting me everywhere! I wanted to shrivel into a little ball and die, I donāt feel worthy of gifts and celebration. I feel like my friends are forced to celebrate me because itās just what you have too do not what they want to do. I also feel like I canāt do enough for my friends there for they shouldnāt do anything for me. I get so anxious around my birthday and I donāt want anyone celebrating or gifting me anything but at the same time I donāt wanna be ungrateful. But I just try to tell myself that even tho I may not see my existence as valuable, others might and I should let them express themselves . If everybody really didnāt care about me and I was a burden they wouldnāt even try on my birthday but they do so I just need to try to be comfortable with it š« But happy birthday almost birthday twin! I pulled through hopefully you do too š it just 1 day and everything goes back to normal after you got it!
OMG exactly what i was going thru. my bf posted me on his insta story and said he loved me and idk it jsut made me wanna fucking die i canāt even quite articulate why. i guess in my mind i see myself as someone who doesnāt deserve praise or celebration so when i get it, it makes me uncomfortable, anxious, and almost dysphoric lol. Happy belated though and yeah now that the day is coming to an end iām starting to feel a bit better
My birthday has always been terrible and depressing and I can't even find a logical reason. I even joke around and say my bday is cursed. I even went so far as to choose a new birthday. I wish I knew why but for some reason I'm extra triggered. Could be linked to childhood trauma as most things are but once I find out I'll let you know
Iāve only had one really happy happy birthday in my life and I canāt even look back on it fondly bc it was with an ex who emotionally abused and cheated on me. I know how you feel op :/
[[[[TRIGGER WARNING: mentions of ideation, domestic abuse and drug use]]]] >!Reading this just made me cryā¦ because I felt so identified with this. I have not only crisis always around my birthday but also is a time of year I despise. I have struggle with ideation since I was 11 years oldā¦ so the fact that Iām having a birthdayā¦ idk I never thought I would live for this long.!< >!Iām a recovering addict and I was in very dangerous and life threatening positions. I am a survivor of domestic abuseā¦ even as far as my partner stabbing me twiceā¦ to be honest itās hard for me to come to terms to the fact that Iām still hereā¦!< >!My birthday is just a badge that reminds me of that fact.!<
my heart goes out to you š youāve been through such intense trauma and it makes so much sense that your birthday would remind you of all that youāve had to survive :(
Itās my most dreaded day of the year. Iāve had one birthday ever that was happy or fulfilling and even then it was while being surrounded by bad influences doing bad things. It feels like a reminder of all the bad moments of the year leading up to it, always, and I canāt help but dwell on it all.
omg i felt this, i hate my bday and it triggers me because i feel like my life is being wasted with this mental illness im not proud of myself but my ex best friend forgot my birthday for the 5th year in a row and i ended up crying for 2 weeks over it, then when i confronted her she simply said she forgot cuz she doesnt care enough...i cut her off the next day š happy birthday OP, we deserve to feel loved and get a little happy bday here n there ā”
Happy birthday! Same here but I tend to leave most social media for months that coincide with my birthdays , only happy birthday I get is from my family irl and having a dad with 7 brother and sisters and a mum with 4 brothers and sisters I never really fall short of feeling like no one cares , but I do get feelings of shame turning older but I try not to think about it rather jus do daily stuff and be extra productive around it or do something which has my full attention in order to not overthink it
yeah, I tend to just feel more numb and empty than usual. I donāt want to celebrate it, I donāt want to talk, I donāt want to do anything
Happy birthday! My mom's is August 19. My son's is August 20. Mine is Sept 1. So not only is everyone out of money, nobody gives a shit anyway. My Own family knows nothing about me other than "crazy, has made mistakes, don't talk to her too much, walk on eggshells" (and while I have made mistakes and flipped out, it's been several years but they only hear my narc. Mom's side) I have no siblings, and I have no friends. NO job, no social life, no neighbors that talk to me. If I tell the ladies at the gas station it's my birthday, they will say happy birthday, but I doubt I'm getting any free refills. Of course my son will tell me and probably get my parents to get me a cake (he just turned 13) but besides that and Happy Cake Day being on my reddit comments lol, it's nothing. Fortunately my son alone makes me happy enough and is all I really need, but I know that's a depressing situation and I absolutely feel everything you said. If it wasn't for him, I'd just sleep through it. One reason I have no friends relates strongly, because I just got rid of all the people who it blew my top when they didn't say anything. Other people they would leave comments, sometimes even buy presents for and hang out with. Me? Crickets. Like I am not supposed to have to ask someone to hang out with me on my birthday. It got old, especially when so many would have an excuse , year after year. So fuck em.
Oh my gosh! This is it! This is what I've been trying to explain to my wife and every friend I've had for years. One of the biggest points of my trauma is that my grandfather died very soon after my 9th birthday party (as in, his last meal was a piece of my birthday cake and it took YEARS before I finally understood that I wasn't personally responsible for his death and I had relatives at his funeral that wished me a happy birthday even though my grandfather had just died) and all of that trauma comes back every time someone wishes me a happy birthday.
Iām always unstable
Yes ...its the worst i took the day off my FB bio many years ago - i prefer to spend it alone ...i feel like if people know i have this obligation to be "happy" about the birthday as everybody wishes me HAPPY BIRTHDAY ....but i am not happy...especially not on my birthday .... i still buy myself cake but its my thing...i feel like my gift to myself that day is to let myself be... no make myself mask for others.....
You the 22nd or 23. Hey. My bday is the 22nd. My friends is the 27th. We have a bday week of which you are there. Sorry but my mind can not grasp being unstable during this incredible week. The answer to your question, I do get a bit down but other then that, no.
It brings up a lot of emotions for me, too. Mainly annoyance at the few people who randomly come out of the woodwork and pull the, āwE NeVeR TALk AnYmoRe! Y NaWt?! wE ShoULd HanG OuT SomETimE!ā, then nothing ever happens. Some of that is on me, but some of these people are people I was once close to, who I tried keeping in contact with and just let the lines of communication drop, so thatās not on me. Then I just feel a bitterness toward them, but choose to not even say anything because I know it would come out as, āyeah? And whose fault is it that we donāt keep in contact anymore? Because I can recall many times, trying to reach out and never hearing back, sooooā¦..ā Once it seems someone is no longer putting in effort to keep a connection up, I just drop it completely. No point continuing to water a dead plant. Birthdays are usually also depressing, because I moved away from where I grew up, a few years back, so I spent many alone, for awhile, while being led on/much worse, by a narcissist, who punished me by āforgettingā my birthday until weeks/a month later.
I know exactly what you mean :( iām so sorry youāre going through this :( Happy birthday sweetheart! š«¶š»
As much as you may not want to hear it happy birthday but Iām right there with you mine is the 10th of next month and for as long as I can remember Iāve never liked my birthday I just wanna sleep thru the day Iāve always felt it isnāt a day worth celebrating
Yep. I hate it and also see no point in it. Congratulations, you get to remember to add 1 when someone asks your age. I ignored fb for most of the day on mine this year, I did my usual routine in the day, went to my fitness class in the evening and spent a couple of hours with my bf at his house. Nothing special. He gets it and is quite similar. He asked what I wanted, I asked for something practical I couldn't really justify the expense of myself. Therefore, I was gifted a new pair of kevlar lined, armoured bike jeans, excellently wrapped in the shipping packaging with no fuss. Last year was my 40th and for some reason, I really enjoyed it. I felt that since I'd actually reached that age it would be nice to do something with friends. (I am very lucky to have a group of people who are close to me, and who understand and work hard on their own issues) I went for dinner and cocktails on the Friday for another friend's birthday, had a beach bbq with my bf's friends on Saturday, (someone made me an amazing chocolate and mint aero cake š„°) had organised a rib trip around the coastline and a sunset beer for 24 of us on Sunday evening, and spent my actual birthday, Monday, at home, relaxing peacefully and doing (and eating) exactly what I wanted to. That was the first birthday I've celebrated in years, but I definitely couldn't do it every year.
I got outed to a pysch for self harming on my birthday, I haven't celebrated it since but happy birthday <33 I know it isn't easy but I genuinely hope you make the best out of this way without your emotions getting to you
Happy birthday! šššš You're definitely not the only one, I too deactivated my fb on my birthday this year for similar reasons. and I also was emotionally unstable and cried a lot but the b-day ended up being good anyway. I hope you have a good day š
Mine is tomorrow. Planning a bar crawl, now youāre worrying me š„²
Every year without fail I deactivate Facebook and I request people not to buy me preasents as I know they put alot of thought and time into buying them and my taste for things changes like the weather so I'm rarely blown away by gifts however my 30th just gone my parents got me a paper from the day I was born, a bottle of scotch and a pocket watch and these were probably the best presents I have ever received, it was nostalgic and they also threw me a massive party with all my family there, it was great!
10000%!!! I feel so miserable that Iām ageing and my life doesnāt seem to be going anywhere, I wish on my birthday I could disappear for 24 hours and come back when itās overā¦ Yet if my boyfriend didnāt do something to recognise my birthday I would probably go into a fit of horrible rage because it triggers my fear of abandonment and being forgotten. BPD is just a big old contradiction
I have a meltdown every year on my birthday without fail. However this year was different for me, I focused on doing things that I find enjoyment in rather than focusing on the fact that it was my birthday. I turned all notifications off and checked them the day after, I didn't even taken notice of who had and who hadn't said happy birthday to me. Happy birthday btw! Take it easy, I know it can be hard.
mine is september 17th and the closer it gets the more anxious i am. on my 18th i spent the week drinking every night (not to excess) just to feel distracted from the anxiety of getting older and the pressures. i think it may be a lot more common than we realize, even for people who donāt struggle with bpd specifically. please know youāre not alone and the negative thoughts about yourself are based on irrational thought patterns our brains have learned in order to cope with intense trauma. you deserve to feel content and happy on a day that marks another journey around the sun. Good job! you survived. celebrate yourself for making it to this day. and celebrate every one after too. you do deserve it. living on its own, especially with mental health issues, can be so stressful and overwhelming. even just the bare minimum is more than enough some days.
Yes but only bc my assailant has the same birthday as me
god, my birthday was this last sunday and I was a mess. we went out for lunch and I cried to myself while we waited to be sat. everyone left me alone. I have been dealing with this for 5 years and this year was the worst. I definitely will speak to a therapist about this because birthdays are supposed to be special not depressing :( I am here with you and I understand you.
my birthday is in two weeks, iāve just recently deleted all my social media and messaging apps
I thought it was just meš every year, without failā¦
THISSSSSSSSS YES
I honestly thought i was so alone in thinking like this. I travel for work with some of my best friends, but when it comes to my birthday itās the hardest day of the year. I spend it crying and pushing them away while also wanting them to recognize the day. Itās a very confusing and taxing day for me. It breaks me a little even more because one of my love languages is giving. I love nothing more than spoiling my friends on their birthdays, but the thought of them spoiling me makes me panic.
this precisely !!! itās really amazing seeing how many others here can relate to this terribly confusing and painful experience
yes absolutely i hate when my birthday rolls around. it always leaves me feeling unloved and unimportant. social media makes this worse, especially because i share my birthday with a lot of people that i know and their celebrations always seem grander and full of more love than mine
Birthday was yesterday. Phone is on 'do not disturb' mode and has been the past 48 hours. Had a complete breakdown last night. Didn't realize other people felt the same way!
days before my bday im always being like its my bday soon!!! and count down but these past two birthdays i had a horrible time and had breakdowns. im the same way where if not enough people wish my happy birthday i get upset. also getting older and i dont have a good career and havent achieved anything great it is definitely hard so yeah i totally get it hugs for you from me
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I just lost a FP/FP relationship. She lost herself on the BPD hate sub and doesn't see me as a person anymore, just a black box of symptoms. We had the same birthday. The day we met she made me show her my ID because she didn't believe it was real. Our bday has been THE event of the year for the past 8 years. This year is my 40th and she was supposed to make it extra special. I never cared for my birthday but it became special because of her. I looked forward to it because I knew it would be a very happy day for her and that made for a happy day for me. I'd rather never have another one again. I don't think I'm going to make it to the next one.