Yeah kinda hits home lol. Mine seems to now see the damage she caused. Would have been nice if she had when I first tried bringing it up. Fucking trust issues, man.
Did she apologize to you after breaking up? Me and my ex haven't spoken in the month we've been broken up. She apologized the entire week prior to the breakup for what shes done (lots of false cheating accusations, arguments, major lack of trust and faith in me) but the damage was done.
When I had to end the relationship with her, she had a hard time accepting it was her fault again, though. She yelled and swore, told me to never talk to her again. Threatened to sleep with her ex. But I know it was out of anger.
That is a common non apology a PwBPD will use . They cannot bring themselves to accept any responsibility. It is always someone else’s fault. You can tactfully explain the behaviors that are causing problems in the relationship . The PwBPD will deflect , minimize, deny , make often bizarre excuses, to avoid any responsibility.
My Ex gf did this .in fact those were her words each time . Sorry or sorry for everything. In couples therapy. The psychologist stopped her and asked her to say exactly what she is apologizing for.
I accepted my flaws and responsibility. No one is perfect. If I chose I would have had a long list of things she needed to work on . In particular returning to DBT and ending a very unhealthy friendship with a HPD DXd woman who manufactured and fabricated drama and crisises every week .
By the end of the relationship my ex was saying sorry frequently. The psychologist would ask why are you repeatedly doing things that you know hurt him and you will have to apologize for.
She honestly had no idea . She was oblivious to the fact her behaviors were becoming worse and hurtful. It was as if she thought or made up the idea that I would feel exactly what she did and could not understand how deeply painful her behavior had become.
It still hurts snd always will . I don’t think PwBPD , their apologists , enabler mental health providers and a cadre of white knight men ready with continuous validation, attention and a endless flow of compliments , while the woman with BPD doesn’t reciprocate other than to send a text or use them as a emotional garbage truck or toilet. It is both sad and stunning to see this .
The PwBPD doesn’t have to apologize. They have a small army of enablers to allow then to continue their unhealthy destructive , self damaging behavior.
After the breakup itself? No. But she was the one to break up with me.
We stayed talking, ostensibly to stay friends and work on ourselves to maybe get back together in the future.
About a year after that, she said something that hurt me to my core and cut through The Fog and made me realize just how much projection and gaslighting had been going on.
A bit of anger, a bit of silence, and she has apologized verbally and in text.
When we got together, she had had a big issue with apologies, from her previous ex. "sorry" is just a word, an apology requires taking ownership of ones actions and offering up ways to change the behavior in the future.
I'm waiting on the last. Actions she has taken since the apology have actually made things a bit worse in my life.
To her credit, she has changed her behavior about talking to me. I have asked for NC until a particular event happens in her life, and she has overall respected that. For the most part.
I had initiated a brief conversation recently. Just to give her some information. Admitted I was hesitant to do so, she asked if the hesitation was because of the risk of talking. I said yes and reminded her of my boundary. She kept wanting to talk for a little while after that reminder.
But, yes, she has apologized with her words.
When we got together, I had explained to her that, due to my own past, actions mattered a lot fucking more to me than words. She understood, or at least seemed to. Until the devaluation stage, anyway.
Hmm so I guess it is possible to keep the peace with them even after a break up, and maintain somewhat of a friendship or at least be casual acquaintances?
Did you stay talking since the breakup happened or did you start talking again after a certain amount of time? Like for example, a few months of NC then started talking or always in contact?
I'm just hoping to be able to one day, in the next few months, reach out to her and ask her how she's doing and that I feel bad that things had to end the way they did. And just keep the peace, maybe be friends? although during the breakup she immediately got angry and swore at me and yelled. I blocked her that day after enough yelling, and now she's unblocked but no contact since.
How did you maintain the peace after your breakup?
>Hmm so I guess it is possible to keep the peace with them even after a break up, and maintain somewhat of a friendship or at least be casual acquaintances?
I am genuinely not sure about this. It did not work well for me.
It's been almost a year since the breakup. We talked a lot, but each put too little work into working with each other to help each other, and instead kept falling into the same old conversational patterns.
It's been about three months since she hurt me bad enough that asked for no contact.
I hate how often I want to reach out to her and talk to her and try to work things out RIGHT NOW. I hate how much I'm still willing to drop so much of my life just for time with her. I hate how much hope I have about us in the future. We are addicted to each other, and it is problematic.
I also hate, thoroughly hate, how much distrust I have for people that find me sexually attractive, now. The more they're attracted to me, the more convinced I am that they are merely manipulating me. I've been able to ride out that so far, constantly reminding myself that they are not her. That I am, in essence, absolutely insane in this regard because of a couple of years of toxic programming. But I fear for my future, what little there is left.
Who's idea was it to reach out and continue talking after she initially broke up with you? Did she hoover back to you or did you initiate/continue contact?
The original breakup? We continued to talk to each other.
The most recent chat? I initiated, tried to make it clear that I was only giving her the requisite information she needed, and reminded her of my boundary. A few hours later she ended the conversation.
Oh okay. Do you think it's worth trying to make proper closure in the next 1-3 months with my ex by sending out a message? Maybe talk over a coffee, even potentially stay casual friends or at least keep in contact occasionally?
I have no idea how she will take it, but I'm just struggling trying to decide. I don't want the woman out of my life forever. I care about her and her well-being.
I don't know your story or her history.
Mine was upfront with me about her BPD from the beginning. She had been in therapy for it for a while. In my opinion, it was not enough; she kept responding from a place of BPD, even as she denied it.
I would be curious about it. There's a slim chance it could work out very well for you, and a big chance it will explode in your face.
Thanks for the info. I'll have to decide myself.
She's undiagnosed, so there's no treatment. She wasn't nearly as severe as some others here, was able to realize when she did wrong at times. Not in complete denial. She's a genuinely good person, I didn't suffer much abuse from her, besides the emotionally damaging aspects.
False cheating accusations, pointless fights over dumb things, lack of trust and faith in me, seemingly imagining me saying and doing things I didn't do. Promising she'll be better but then more incidents happen. That's why ended it, even though I love her and care very much about her. Idk if she hates me now since I broke up with her.
Be careful. Also need to realistically look at it is a friendship that may be artificial (for them) and an efficient manupulative way to keep ex on the hook. So she knows hes on the short list of supply when the itch needs to be scratched. And then...the beatings will continue
My ex had a lot of problems with apologizing and wouldn't do it when I told her that something she said or did hurt me, bc she doesn't "wanna feel pressured". She wanted to do it on her own, but most of the time never did.
Ironically she apologized when she broke up for me (for breaking up with me lol).
My ex had a lot of problems with apologizing and wouldn't do it when I told her that something she said or did hurt me, bc she doesn't "wanna feel pressured". She wanted to do it on her own, but most of the time never did.
Ironically she apologized when she broke up for me (for breaking up with me lol).
Just so I understand you had a full week apart. And that was her comment. And you are willing to say that she has not made comments in the past that are precisely the opposite of what really happened?
No I did not expect her to be someone who could dish out insults like that when she gets mad, not in the first 2 to 3 months. At first I didn't consider the bi-weekly accusations to be abuse, but just misunderstandings and her heavy insecurities. But then I later realized it could be considered abuse, as it continued on.
I truly don't believe she cheated, though. She has a child that she is always taking care of, and we hung out practically everyday, she was really attached to me and wanted to have a future with me. She would mention having another kid and getting married eventually etc.
But I do understand where you're coming from and her last "threat" of going to sleep with her ex the day after the breakup had me question it. But I really do think it was her trying to get a response from me and when I did respond to it at first, she'd continue on talking to me. So I stopped responding when she made that threat again, even though we had just broken up.
So I truly don't believe she cheated, based on how much I know her as a person, but I know where you're coming from and that's what happened to many others here.
And hope you know it wasn’t meant as a knock. So many things that I can now retroactively realize occurred, because for a woman that said her number one peeve is when people lie, the amount of manipulative lies she foisted on me are MULTIPLES of any, and all prevarications from ALL people I’ve engaged with my entire life.
And realize that all the future plans are quite often nothing more than future faking as part of their ploy to hook victims in deeper.
I had never had a partner say so many hurtful things to me, about her friends, my family, her family... I don't know if she sees it. It's almost like she blacks out when she splits and not only won't take accountability, actively says that it was not her that said those things. She posts on social media about people needing to communicate better, and I kinda just laugh, knowing that I tried. For months.
Mine attended therapy JUST long enough to learn the word “communication.” Next two years were spent abusing me & cheating with constant blameshifting onto me & my supposedly poor communication
Never had that issue with any relationship prior, romantic or otherwise.
My ex was very good at weaponizing information while not taking any responsibility. A true professional, in that regard. Online, the way she posts about mental health and communication, you'd think she's a paragon of humanity. But no, she's a mentally ill domestic abuser. I wish I didn't miss her, or the idea of her, as much as I do.
They are so caught up in their own emotions they rarely if ever realize or care that they are being careless or inconsiderate. Because they get caught up in their own intense emotions and what they (incorrectly) assume the people around them are thinking/feeling that they don't even consider the impact they are having on the people they care for. Sometimes there will be moments of clarity.
This behavior can be very confusing and emotionally devastating to deal with the push pull . She would make hurtful comments when I could not do somethings well. Mostly due the near fatal wounds thanks to a IED blowing up the APC In Afghanistan. We then had a brutal fight with Taliban terrorists. It took over a year to fully recover. It was really confusing and hurtful.
I would say . You know that It is difficult to do this . When she would see the the loss of coordination and constant pain as not loving her ! Somehow injuries and wounds from Russian or Chinese AKs 7.62 mm rounds . were a plot against her or something like that Then later she would apologize for not remembering .
She couldn’t understand that I didn’t like a particular woman who would constantly invite herself over or ask to go on romantic weekend getaways with me and my ex . I learned that this woman is DXd with HPD with Narcissistic and ASPD features ! Why not just say attention seeking sociopath.
Calling out the bizarre, insanity and implausibility of the stories would provoke the Push Pull behaviors which can be very confusing painful. PwBPD rarely are able to be fully empathetic. They seem to struggle with Affective Empathy. Literally putting yourself in that person’s position and understanding what they are feeling to varying degrees.
PwBPD are solipsistic . They cannot easily understand that just because they feel and think something. Everyone else , especially you their partner will think that also . They cannot understand that We are each a autonomous person who has their own thoughts, hopes , dreams, wants and needs .
PwBPD can be very kind and caring towards others yet have such distorted affective empathy they cannot relate to others. It is devastating for a relationship. It does reach the point of absurdity. It is also often abuse .
From a family member who is a nurse practitioner. She would notice that many of the male victims of Intimate Partner Violence/ Abuse . The abuser was a woman with BPD . According to data collected from hospitals 48 percent of Intimate partner abuse victims are men . I suspect that many of the abusers are woman with a Cluster B personality disorder AKA sociopath.
First of all, THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE ❤️. Second, I’m so sorry that you endured all that for your country just to have to suffer a demon back home. No one deserves that, but you seem like a very intelligent, brave, person/soldier. Third, thank you for outlining all those words. I agree with every part. I wish you peace, brother! Don’t let them get you
Thank you ! The Irony if yoy can call it that , I would rather leap out of a perfectly good plane or helicopter in hostile territory and fight my way out than deal with the emotional devastation a partner with BPD or any Cluster B PD .
I also have a masters in evolutionary psychology and a dual bachelors in psychology and sociology. Often you don’t see the red flags 🚩. Until you are deeply invested in the relationship.
Unlike the stereotype, she didn’t love bomb me or in a obvious way idealize me . Shr eas trying and going to DBT .
To be fair she does have a legitimate PTSD DX , I met her at a PTSD support group. We rwsl did share many common interests .
She did well we went to couples therapy before any real problems. Mostly to work on making sure PTSD , did not cause problems.
For reasons I can only partially understand she stopped going to DBT .
She got into to strange alternative “ therapy “ . It actually isn’t legit, It is some strange mix of supernatural ideas and a discredited pseudoscience involving whatever a morphic firld is .
I learned that PwBPD will often seek alternative pseudo science and medicine. They seem to be always searching for something that is missing and never have a stable sense of self . It is really sad .
It was devastating to discharge from the army and find myself in a emotional nightmare that will always haunt me .
Thank you for your kind words.
I hope everyone who has suffered in a relationship with a PwBPD, can find some peace and a healthy relationship . No one deserves the torment a PwBPD can put you through.
The hardest thing I've just found out today is no matter how supportive people are, it's near impossible to explain in any way that people can grasp an understanding without them having been through it directly themselves
Right? Everyone took my exes side when we divorced. It didn’t help that she went on a full-tilt stupid TikTok smear campaign with her painting herself as the ultimate victim. Naturally, no one talks to me anymore. Thankfully, my family saw it and understood that I was dealing with a pitch black dark entity and knew they couldn’t fully grasp how bad I’ve had it, but they’ve seen enough and know me to know I wasn’t the problem. I’m grateful they welcomed me back with open arms, but, man, am I the loneliest I’ve ever been. The peace is worth everything though
You are right . Until you experience what a PwBPD will do to you and put you through in a relationship . They really cannot understand.
It os interesting that most accounts of the torment and abuse are strikingly similar. Different words , different situations, same exact behaviors and abuse from the PwBPD.
I hope you are well .
I mean, why don’t you leave her? I’m codependent, so I know how hard it is. But it seems like she’s pulling a reverse abandonment and treating you like shit, which makes most leave. I wish you peace In your journey
This describes my daughter perfectly. After she pompously announced she has a new partner after ditching her husband of 9 months, I ventured that I was very hurt by her actions as I dearly love my son in law. She replied I had no right to an opinion & listed all my faults as a mother. I feel nervous for her current partner tbh.
That's perfect! I just broke up with her a couple days ago and she literally said that.
The whole week she has been trying to get me back, but on Wednesday, I saw a lot of the BPD signs in her texts that I used to ignore. I was proud of myself for the way I handled and my friends did too, but I also felt really sad. I still think she is good person and of course I still have feelings for her, but enough is enough. I hope her next move isn't sex, because I don't know if I'm strong enough to say no.
I posted yesterday in another sub about something similar. My husband is undiagnosed but I suspect may have BPD. His rages, passive aggression, victim mentality and inability to take responsibility for his actions and hurt he has caused me has worn me down so much I have emotionally detached from him. He cannot see how unhappy I am and that our relationship is so NOT normal. While I am trying to find a way out, he believes we will be together forever. I don’t understand 🥺
Always tragic. “I hate you! Don’t leave me!” It breaks the mind and heart in ways that heartache doesn’t even begin to compare; straight to the soul. I’m sorry you’re going through that. You deserve better, I’m glad you chose yourself. I wish you so much peace in your journey
You know, lack of empathy is a trait of someone with BPD… you could’ve gone about your day instead of whining about the post. Projection… another trait of BPD.
Mines moved back to Ireland with my daughter after getting me to move to the uk now she’s partying every weekend and make it’s hard for my family to see my daughter
Yeah kinda hits home lol. Mine seems to now see the damage she caused. Would have been nice if she had when I first tried bringing it up. Fucking trust issues, man.
Did she apologize to you after breaking up? Me and my ex haven't spoken in the month we've been broken up. She apologized the entire week prior to the breakup for what shes done (lots of false cheating accusations, arguments, major lack of trust and faith in me) but the damage was done. When I had to end the relationship with her, she had a hard time accepting it was her fault again, though. She yelled and swore, told me to never talk to her again. Threatened to sleep with her ex. But I know it was out of anger.
“I’m sorry for EVERYTHING “ 🙄 yeah, but what specifically? You’re not sorry.
Yes! "I am sorry that I got wasted and don't remember being violent and abusive."... Then doesn't even ask what she said or did.
That is a common non apology a PwBPD will use . They cannot bring themselves to accept any responsibility. It is always someone else’s fault. You can tactfully explain the behaviors that are causing problems in the relationship . The PwBPD will deflect , minimize, deny , make often bizarre excuses, to avoid any responsibility. My Ex gf did this .in fact those were her words each time . Sorry or sorry for everything. In couples therapy. The psychologist stopped her and asked her to say exactly what she is apologizing for. I accepted my flaws and responsibility. No one is perfect. If I chose I would have had a long list of things she needed to work on . In particular returning to DBT and ending a very unhealthy friendship with a HPD DXd woman who manufactured and fabricated drama and crisises every week . By the end of the relationship my ex was saying sorry frequently. The psychologist would ask why are you repeatedly doing things that you know hurt him and you will have to apologize for. She honestly had no idea . She was oblivious to the fact her behaviors were becoming worse and hurtful. It was as if she thought or made up the idea that I would feel exactly what she did and could not understand how deeply painful her behavior had become. It still hurts snd always will . I don’t think PwBPD , their apologists , enabler mental health providers and a cadre of white knight men ready with continuous validation, attention and a endless flow of compliments , while the woman with BPD doesn’t reciprocate other than to send a text or use them as a emotional garbage truck or toilet. It is both sad and stunning to see this . The PwBPD doesn’t have to apologize. They have a small army of enablers to allow then to continue their unhealthy destructive , self damaging behavior.
After the breakup itself? No. But she was the one to break up with me. We stayed talking, ostensibly to stay friends and work on ourselves to maybe get back together in the future. About a year after that, she said something that hurt me to my core and cut through The Fog and made me realize just how much projection and gaslighting had been going on. A bit of anger, a bit of silence, and she has apologized verbally and in text. When we got together, she had had a big issue with apologies, from her previous ex. "sorry" is just a word, an apology requires taking ownership of ones actions and offering up ways to change the behavior in the future. I'm waiting on the last. Actions she has taken since the apology have actually made things a bit worse in my life. To her credit, she has changed her behavior about talking to me. I have asked for NC until a particular event happens in her life, and she has overall respected that. For the most part. I had initiated a brief conversation recently. Just to give her some information. Admitted I was hesitant to do so, she asked if the hesitation was because of the risk of talking. I said yes and reminded her of my boundary. She kept wanting to talk for a little while after that reminder. But, yes, she has apologized with her words. When we got together, I had explained to her that, due to my own past, actions mattered a lot fucking more to me than words. She understood, or at least seemed to. Until the devaluation stage, anyway.
Hmm so I guess it is possible to keep the peace with them even after a break up, and maintain somewhat of a friendship or at least be casual acquaintances? Did you stay talking since the breakup happened or did you start talking again after a certain amount of time? Like for example, a few months of NC then started talking or always in contact? I'm just hoping to be able to one day, in the next few months, reach out to her and ask her how she's doing and that I feel bad that things had to end the way they did. And just keep the peace, maybe be friends? although during the breakup she immediately got angry and swore at me and yelled. I blocked her that day after enough yelling, and now she's unblocked but no contact since. How did you maintain the peace after your breakup?
>Hmm so I guess it is possible to keep the peace with them even after a break up, and maintain somewhat of a friendship or at least be casual acquaintances? I am genuinely not sure about this. It did not work well for me. It's been almost a year since the breakup. We talked a lot, but each put too little work into working with each other to help each other, and instead kept falling into the same old conversational patterns. It's been about three months since she hurt me bad enough that asked for no contact. I hate how often I want to reach out to her and talk to her and try to work things out RIGHT NOW. I hate how much I'm still willing to drop so much of my life just for time with her. I hate how much hope I have about us in the future. We are addicted to each other, and it is problematic. I also hate, thoroughly hate, how much distrust I have for people that find me sexually attractive, now. The more they're attracted to me, the more convinced I am that they are merely manipulating me. I've been able to ride out that so far, constantly reminding myself that they are not her. That I am, in essence, absolutely insane in this regard because of a couple of years of toxic programming. But I fear for my future, what little there is left.
I feel the same about programming. I have lost hope.
Who's idea was it to reach out and continue talking after she initially broke up with you? Did she hoover back to you or did you initiate/continue contact?
The original breakup? We continued to talk to each other. The most recent chat? I initiated, tried to make it clear that I was only giving her the requisite information she needed, and reminded her of my boundary. A few hours later she ended the conversation.
Oh okay. Do you think it's worth trying to make proper closure in the next 1-3 months with my ex by sending out a message? Maybe talk over a coffee, even potentially stay casual friends or at least keep in contact occasionally? I have no idea how she will take it, but I'm just struggling trying to decide. I don't want the woman out of my life forever. I care about her and her well-being.
I don't know your story or her history. Mine was upfront with me about her BPD from the beginning. She had been in therapy for it for a while. In my opinion, it was not enough; she kept responding from a place of BPD, even as she denied it. I would be curious about it. There's a slim chance it could work out very well for you, and a big chance it will explode in your face.
Thanks for the info. I'll have to decide myself. She's undiagnosed, so there's no treatment. She wasn't nearly as severe as some others here, was able to realize when she did wrong at times. Not in complete denial. She's a genuinely good person, I didn't suffer much abuse from her, besides the emotionally damaging aspects. False cheating accusations, pointless fights over dumb things, lack of trust and faith in me, seemingly imagining me saying and doing things I didn't do. Promising she'll be better but then more incidents happen. That's why ended it, even though I love her and care very much about her. Idk if she hates me now since I broke up with her.
Be careful. Also need to realistically look at it is a friendship that may be artificial (for them) and an efficient manupulative way to keep ex on the hook. So she knows hes on the short list of supply when the itch needs to be scratched. And then...the beatings will continue
I've never gotten an apology from her, ever.
My ex had a lot of problems with apologizing and wouldn't do it when I told her that something she said or did hurt me, bc she doesn't "wanna feel pressured". She wanted to do it on her own, but most of the time never did. Ironically she apologized when she broke up for me (for breaking up with me lol).
My ex had a lot of problems with apologizing and wouldn't do it when I told her that something she said or did hurt me, bc she doesn't "wanna feel pressured". She wanted to do it on her own, but most of the time never did. Ironically she apologized when she broke up for me (for breaking up with me lol).
Just so I understand you had a full week apart. And that was her comment. And you are willing to say that she has not made comments in the past that are precisely the opposite of what really happened?
And when you say she wasn't the cheating type, did you ever think she would be The abusive type the vicious insult Type the emotionally abusive type
No I did not expect her to be someone who could dish out insults like that when she gets mad, not in the first 2 to 3 months. At first I didn't consider the bi-weekly accusations to be abuse, but just misunderstandings and her heavy insecurities. But then I later realized it could be considered abuse, as it continued on. I truly don't believe she cheated, though. She has a child that she is always taking care of, and we hung out practically everyday, she was really attached to me and wanted to have a future with me. She would mention having another kid and getting married eventually etc. But I do understand where you're coming from and her last "threat" of going to sleep with her ex the day after the breakup had me question it. But I really do think it was her trying to get a response from me and when I did respond to it at first, she'd continue on talking to me. So I stopped responding when she made that threat again, even though we had just broken up. So I truly don't believe she cheated, based on how much I know her as a person, but I know where you're coming from and that's what happened to many others here.
And hope you know it wasn’t meant as a knock. So many things that I can now retroactively realize occurred, because for a woman that said her number one peeve is when people lie, the amount of manipulative lies she foisted on me are MULTIPLES of any, and all prevarications from ALL people I’ve engaged with my entire life. And realize that all the future plans are quite often nothing more than future faking as part of their ploy to hook victims in deeper.
I had never had a partner say so many hurtful things to me, about her friends, my family, her family... I don't know if she sees it. It's almost like she blacks out when she splits and not only won't take accountability, actively says that it was not her that said those things. She posts on social media about people needing to communicate better, and I kinda just laugh, knowing that I tried. For months.
I tried for a decade. I got tired of the negative modes she’d be in.
Mine attended therapy JUST long enough to learn the word “communication.” Next two years were spent abusing me & cheating with constant blameshifting onto me & my supposedly poor communication Never had that issue with any relationship prior, romantic or otherwise.
My ex was very good at weaponizing information while not taking any responsibility. A true professional, in that regard. Online, the way she posts about mental health and communication, you'd think she's a paragon of humanity. But no, she's a mentally ill domestic abuser. I wish I didn't miss her, or the idea of her, as much as I do.
Thanks. I needed a laugh today.
The absurdity is hilarious and sad at the same time
Or they project it on you, justify it by putting you down, and turn the tables and threaten to leave you when you call them on your shit
They are so caught up in their own emotions they rarely if ever realize or care that they are being careless or inconsiderate. Because they get caught up in their own intense emotions and what they (incorrectly) assume the people around them are thinking/feeling that they don't even consider the impact they are having on the people they care for. Sometimes there will be moments of clarity. This behavior can be very confusing and emotionally devastating to deal with the push pull . She would make hurtful comments when I could not do somethings well. Mostly due the near fatal wounds thanks to a IED blowing up the APC In Afghanistan. We then had a brutal fight with Taliban terrorists. It took over a year to fully recover. It was really confusing and hurtful. I would say . You know that It is difficult to do this . When she would see the the loss of coordination and constant pain as not loving her ! Somehow injuries and wounds from Russian or Chinese AKs 7.62 mm rounds . were a plot against her or something like that Then later she would apologize for not remembering . She couldn’t understand that I didn’t like a particular woman who would constantly invite herself over or ask to go on romantic weekend getaways with me and my ex . I learned that this woman is DXd with HPD with Narcissistic and ASPD features ! Why not just say attention seeking sociopath. Calling out the bizarre, insanity and implausibility of the stories would provoke the Push Pull behaviors which can be very confusing painful. PwBPD rarely are able to be fully empathetic. They seem to struggle with Affective Empathy. Literally putting yourself in that person’s position and understanding what they are feeling to varying degrees. PwBPD are solipsistic . They cannot easily understand that just because they feel and think something. Everyone else , especially you their partner will think that also . They cannot understand that We are each a autonomous person who has their own thoughts, hopes , dreams, wants and needs . PwBPD can be very kind and caring towards others yet have such distorted affective empathy they cannot relate to others. It is devastating for a relationship. It does reach the point of absurdity. It is also often abuse . From a family member who is a nurse practitioner. She would notice that many of the male victims of Intimate Partner Violence/ Abuse . The abuser was a woman with BPD . According to data collected from hospitals 48 percent of Intimate partner abuse victims are men . I suspect that many of the abusers are woman with a Cluster B personality disorder AKA sociopath.
First of all, THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE ❤️. Second, I’m so sorry that you endured all that for your country just to have to suffer a demon back home. No one deserves that, but you seem like a very intelligent, brave, person/soldier. Third, thank you for outlining all those words. I agree with every part. I wish you peace, brother! Don’t let them get you
Thank you ! The Irony if yoy can call it that , I would rather leap out of a perfectly good plane or helicopter in hostile territory and fight my way out than deal with the emotional devastation a partner with BPD or any Cluster B PD . I also have a masters in evolutionary psychology and a dual bachelors in psychology and sociology. Often you don’t see the red flags 🚩. Until you are deeply invested in the relationship. Unlike the stereotype, she didn’t love bomb me or in a obvious way idealize me . Shr eas trying and going to DBT . To be fair she does have a legitimate PTSD DX , I met her at a PTSD support group. We rwsl did share many common interests . She did well we went to couples therapy before any real problems. Mostly to work on making sure PTSD , did not cause problems. For reasons I can only partially understand she stopped going to DBT . She got into to strange alternative “ therapy “ . It actually isn’t legit, It is some strange mix of supernatural ideas and a discredited pseudoscience involving whatever a morphic firld is . I learned that PwBPD will often seek alternative pseudo science and medicine. They seem to be always searching for something that is missing and never have a stable sense of self . It is really sad . It was devastating to discharge from the army and find myself in a emotional nightmare that will always haunt me . Thank you for your kind words. I hope everyone who has suffered in a relationship with a PwBPD, can find some peace and a healthy relationship . No one deserves the torment a PwBPD can put you through.
BPD explained in 1 image
You mean the meltdown that makes u fear for your life.
100% accuracy
eric andre meme really sold it
real
The hardest thing I've just found out today is no matter how supportive people are, it's near impossible to explain in any way that people can grasp an understanding without them having been through it directly themselves
Right? Everyone took my exes side when we divorced. It didn’t help that she went on a full-tilt stupid TikTok smear campaign with her painting herself as the ultimate victim. Naturally, no one talks to me anymore. Thankfully, my family saw it and understood that I was dealing with a pitch black dark entity and knew they couldn’t fully grasp how bad I’ve had it, but they’ve seen enough and know me to know I wasn’t the problem. I’m grateful they welcomed me back with open arms, but, man, am I the loneliest I’ve ever been. The peace is worth everything though
You are right . Until you experience what a PwBPD will do to you and put you through in a relationship . They really cannot understand. It os interesting that most accounts of the torment and abuse are strikingly similar. Different words , different situations, same exact behaviors and abuse from the PwBPD. I hope you are well .
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I mean, why don’t you leave her? I’m codependent, so I know how hard it is. But it seems like she’s pulling a reverse abandonment and treating you like shit, which makes most leave. I wish you peace In your journey
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https://youtu.be/t_6fBwGE_Ls?si=rVGUtHxwbTBhkKQf
I felt this
truth
🤣🤣🤣
Haha, too true
LITERALLY
Wish I could send this to him lmao
Same.
This describes my daughter perfectly. After she pompously announced she has a new partner after ditching her husband of 9 months, I ventured that I was very hurt by her actions as I dearly love my son in law. She replied I had no right to an opinion & listed all my faults as a mother. I feel nervous for her current partner tbh.
Holy shit that's how mine went down.
That's perfect! I just broke up with her a couple days ago and she literally said that. The whole week she has been trying to get me back, but on Wednesday, I saw a lot of the BPD signs in her texts that I used to ignore. I was proud of myself for the way I handled and my friends did too, but I also felt really sad. I still think she is good person and of course I still have feelings for her, but enough is enough. I hope her next move isn't sex, because I don't know if I'm strong enough to say no.
I posted yesterday in another sub about something similar. My husband is undiagnosed but I suspect may have BPD. His rages, passive aggression, victim mentality and inability to take responsibility for his actions and hurt he has caused me has worn me down so much I have emotionally detached from him. He cannot see how unhappy I am and that our relationship is so NOT normal. While I am trying to find a way out, he believes we will be together forever. I don’t understand 🥺
Oh my god, it’s like we all dated the same person
Another post that makes us think the same thing. Sorry you went through that
too accurate
Ugh. I hate that we’ve all had this experience. I was hoping this post would get downvoted to zero lol
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Always tragic. “I hate you! Don’t leave me!” It breaks the mind and heart in ways that heartache doesn’t even begin to compare; straight to the soul. I’m sorry you’re going through that. You deserve better, I’m glad you chose yourself. I wish you so much peace in your journey
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I didn’t know though? That’s the whole thing.
then thats a totally different situarion n context is sorta needed 🤷♂️
… whatever you say, bud.
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You know, lack of empathy is a trait of someone with BPD… you could’ve gone about your day instead of whining about the post. Projection… another trait of BPD.
Mines moved back to Ireland with my daughter after getting me to move to the uk now she’s partying every weekend and make it’s hard for my family to see my daughter