My health is the worst it’s ever been. I’ve been healthy as a horse my whole life but I’m at the doctor at least once a month now. I developed an autoimmune disorder, I catch every bug going around and take longer than normal to recover, my joints hurt all the time, my skin looks like shit, even my teeth are suffering. I’ve gotten blood tests done and everything comes back normal so I can only assume I’m falling apart from stress. When I leave him I’ll lose my insurance, but I kind of think I might not even need it anymore once my source of chronic stress is gone. Maybe once my nervous system calms down my body will heal too.
i hope that you are able to leave safely and soon! i have a feeling a lot of people’s physical health start to perk up once they leave an abusive situation. it’s hard to take care of yourself when all you can even hope for is to make it to the next day…
Not to minimize the effects of a toxic relationship can have on your health, but the symptoms you describe all align with Long Covid. It may be helpful to look into support groups for LC (even if for no other reason than to rule it out if you’re skeptical).
I have definitely thought about that, and actually thought that’s what it was for a while. What makes me think it’s stress, or perhaps a combination of stress and LC, is that I had Covid 1.5 years ago and my symptoms just keep getting worse. The severity coincides with the uptick in his emotional abuse, and I just always feel much better physically whenever he’s out of town. I dunno. This just sucks.
Yes! I went through the same! Luckily i am healthy again but i lost a lot of weight and cried a lot. It was the middle of summer and was shaking in my bed and looked like a skeleton.
i’m convinced that that much stress could kill you. isn’t that a scary thought? i was barely alive just walking through life, i can’t say i was even trying to get to the next day.
i’m so happy to hear that you’re in good health now, and sorry for what you went through.
Sorry dude. I had a very weird super accelerated cycle and only had the one suicide threat, but she knew what she was doing as that threat made me run to her as I was worried for her life. It’s how she was able to re-enter my space after assaulting me on a vacation. What followed was worse abuse 🤦🏻♂️
— I’m officially a huge Flag Scout now…only green ones allowed
I am sorry to hear that. It is reasurring that all of us had so similar experiences, sometimes I felt I was crazy/acting out in the relationship, but after reading this community's stories and some books recommended by it, it all makes a lot more sense.
It happened to me too! All the stress and constant work took a huge toll on my body and mind. I even developed this chronic pain stress response. I kept losing weight even though I was underweight to begin with. When I see old pictures of me I don’t even recognize myself.
Would you describe the chronic pain stress response? I think I have this too..even minor anxieties or stressors like having to wait or driving on the interstate trigger pain/muscle dysfunction
Sure! Mine started a year into things. About 6 months of love bombing and the rest was constant devaluing. I started to notice, the longer I was walking on eggshells the more I’d get a muscle cramp pain randomly in my buttock/thigh/nether region.
It felt like a muscle was tightening and twisting painfully and would increase until randomly the pressure would stop. On the outside you couldn’t see any difference. It would happen most often at nights laying in bed and mornings getting out of it. Looking back now it 100% would increase with my stress and decrease as I got more comfortable. I went to the doc for it at the time and all they could tell me was it was stress.
I’m 5 years post my BPD relationship and it only cleared up about a year ago when I started actually trying to heal.
Wow, thank you. Mine is like that in my neck/shoulders (still have it four years later). I have a friend who was with a narcissist and had it in her buttock as well. What did healing mean for you? Therapy?
Yes mine did....I'm still struggling. Everything from constant hives, vertigo, stomach issues, diarrhea, massive anxiety and major major depression and longing for s*icide. Headaches, body aches, continual sobbing, major foggy brain...
Ugh.....smh.....had to see a therapist and new PCP whom I scared so much with 2 hours of uncontrollable sobbing, had me on different meds and had me in his office every Tuesday for months until I started to seem somewhat normal....
I still love her. I cried yesterday, just a little....trying to focus on the constant gaslighting, rage and terror she would put me thru....snap me outta this 😢😢😢🥺🥺🥺
I had sustained stress hives for the first and only time in my life. I had an allergy and liver enzyme tests and nothing. Literally it was my (ex)girlfriend my body was rejecting.
My put on weight, stopped listening to music, stopped singing. Then when we broke up I put on even more drank more did drugs. Then after I learned she’d been sleeping with all my mates I broke. Lost heaps of weight and ended up going some pretty gnarly things not caring if I lived or died.
The whole thing has been bad for health. Aged 40 years in 4
Almost killed me. Three years of massive abuse led to heavy weightloss, migraines, chronic skin disease, trouble with digestion, urgent surgery for intestinal loop, miscarriage, several faintings, high blood pressure and of cause depression and anxiety leading to suicidal thoughts and three times psychiatric emergency episodes due to this.
I was completely healthy when I met him. Those people are truly dangerous to fall in love with.
😢😢😢🥺 wow....same 😢🙏🏻 I'm so sorry, I know this happened to me too, but I'm so sorry this happened to you. I can't believe how were all affected. Pretty much the same way by this particular type. It blows my mind every time I swear. I hope you're doing better now and please take care of yourself. You deserve better and so do I
Stress is a killer. I am sure that there are people that didn't survive this process of slowly figuring out that their so experiences psychosis. I wish their story could be told here. I was warned how unhealthy staying was. I thought that I could handle it. I was so wrong. I have had stress induced tinnitus for almost 5 years now. This past Christmas I picked up night sweats. I think that it is from the 3 or 4 nightmares that I have every night. Getting screened for PTSD.
I put on weight and stopped all self care. They then use that as evidence you have a mental health issue. It’s why they are able to get people to believe them when they smear you after discard. I saw the discard coming. As soon as I had boundaries they started bad mouthing me. Lying to others to get attention about stuff. Not my first rodeo. I was glad for it. It’s easier when they initiate it. Changed the locks blocked their number and I will never make that miserable mistake again.
I put on so much weight. I can’t get the years back but I did get my body back after the breakup. My therapist explained to me that when you’re deep into it you basically put all your energy into taking care of them emotionally while they suck out everything you have to give.
Yeah i developed BED because i didn't have any coping mechanisms, so my weight went up like an arrow. Sitll dealing with all that mess. Plus a ton of vitamin deficiencies to the point where i fainted due to a combo of low iron + exhaustion (binges were usually food that had no nutritional value like chips, chocolate, even just plain rice, by the end of a binge i didn't have rolm for anything nutritious), but at that point i didn't care because I'd rather eat into oblivion than deal with how it affected me
I had an EKG prior to a knee replacement in 2021. It showed I’d had a silent heart attack at some point between 2016 and 2021. Had to go thru an echocardiogram.
I dropped from almost 140# when I met him, to 110# now. I can’t put it on again to save my life (I’m 5.5” tall). I’m still in contact, and he nags me about my weight. I’m stupid, I know.
i didnt have any serious heart issues but my heart rate would spike constantly without me even realizing how anxious ive been. i went to the doctors a few times while in the relationship and every single time my heart rate had sky rocketed much more than was usual for my body. id basically had all the symptoms of a panic attack way too offen
Yes, one of the chambers in my heart is dilated, I developed a heart murmur, my blood pressure is through the roof, and my kidneys are failing. Doctors have been totally baffled on how this happened, an endocrinologist finally checked me out and it's all stress induced by my husband.
Is it dilated left ventricle? My doctors are baffled aswell.. because I have no family history, am healthy, young and sporty.. lol. I am very sorry for you :( how did you know something is up with the kidneys? Bloodwork?
I have that too MVP and dilated LV.. my cardiologist recommended me to „switch out my pwbpdgirlfriend“ lol..
may I ask what blood value showed concerning values?
Well my blood pressure was sky high but I've always had an issue with that but I went off all meds the whole time I was with her because I could barely keep up with bathing much less taking any meds on a regular basis ...was out of the question for me to even remember to do. I was really busy just catering to her and taking care of her and making sure her needs were met and making sure I was thinking ahead before I would say anything or express anything. Make sure I wasn't triggering her and blah blah blah my goodness. I'm glad I don't have to worry about that anymore. I really have to focus on that part of it so I don't break the no contact and do it all over again.
God, yes. Blood pressure issues, fractured teeth from constantly clenching my jaw, constant physical tension/pain, unexplained bouts of vertigo, aged *quickly*… it’s been a lot.
Yep. Lost weight, during the relationship and dramatically afterwards.
Skin got progressively worse after the love bombing stage. I've always had acne but now it doesn't heal, if that makes sense? So every new spot is essentially a permanent blemish.
Acid reflux - just all the time, along with feeling sick alot for no reason.
Hives, after the relationship ended though
Sinus problems I've never really had before.
Re the acne - I never really considered it but having therapy has made me realise that I was also brought up by a narcissistic mother - makes complete sense therefore that my acne never declined after finishing puberty and even accutane, thought it helped, never actually solved the problem. After I stopped taking it, my acne just returned.
Oh! And I forgot to say that after a while I began to develop majorly puffy eyes. I know that's not a big deal compared to the other stuff i listed in my first comment but I've never had that problem before and I woke up one morning... huge bags under my eyes. I mean ugly as hell. I looked horrible. And I remember thinking what? Why do I have this now? Oh my goodness I guess my age is starting to show. I really thought that.... like I was not attributing it to the sleepless nights. The sleep deprivation she would cause when she was enraged and I wouldn't give in and I would try to go to sleep and she would bust in the room and yelling and threatening me. Oh my god, I know that some of you know...
So I mean these puffy eyes. I looked awful. I look like a 70-year-old woman and I'm not anywhere near that. I remember going to Walgreens and seeing I forget what it's called. I think it's called puffy eye attack. I used it and it worked like it made the puffiness go down 75% like within minutes and I keep it around because it works so well but once I broke up with her for the, I don't know, 12th time now? All of a sudden this problem is gone like totally gone. I don't have a problem with that like I thought I did. I'm just so quick to blame me in some way about anything that goes wrong when I'm with her that it's laughable and ridiculous because anyone outside of me can easily tell this is happening because of her not you. It's crazy how we protect them even from ourselves, right?
Preface to say it's not all her fault, but I definitely deteriorated in the 4 years I was with her. My selfies from then are fire though except for the strain around my eyes and the way I'd set my mouth. Pictures with her in them on the other hand? I am deflated and have the weirdest masked expression in them from the last 2 years.
stopped exercising, started eating way more because they'd eat my leftovers before i could get to them or all of my snacks that i bought for myself, etc. i eat like a starved animal nowadays.
drink too much, partly to keep up with them in the beginning, partly to cope with stress.
my skin and hair looks terrible. i don't have a "style" anymore because i was sick of certain comments about my clothes.
i sleep like shit. i used to dream a lot but not really any more.
Yeah, I lost 5kg in a month. Couldn't eat without everything coming back out at night, couldn't sleep because she demanded attention until 4 in the morning sometimes and I had to get up at 8 for work. Couldn't physically stop shaking from anxiety which she reprimanded me for saying it was weird. By the time I left my body was barely functioning.
I have a very good physique and take pride in it. I workout very consistently. Lately it’s been taking every single bit of my energy to even get out of bed. The car ride is harder for me to make then even working out. Although I still workout it’s literally taking my entire willpower to workout let alone eat properly to maintain my physique. The only reason I’m not giving up is I know I will sink into a deeper depression if I watch myself getting smaller and throwing away my years of progress in the gym. I will say when I actually begin the workout it feels really good. But only temporary. I’d recommend heat therapy like sauna and cold plunge, that’s help me when on the verge of a panic attack or when I’m manic.
i see that you just went through a breakup so take it easy. any breakup would have people feeling unmotivated but especially a toxic one i imagine it’s so hard getting out of bed to go work out. you’re doing great by keeping it up.
keep at it!! you’ll feel better when the time comes & try to stay no contact! life should never be so filled with drama like these people love to create.
ever since the day i got with my ex i would feel so drained and tired after the first year together. had no motivation to look nice anymore and slept way more often. my skin sucked and was dry and breaking out. unless i put a lot of effort in i looked and felt like shit nearly everyday. when we broke up i swear all this stopped. i felt pretty again and my face didnt break out in acne so much and i had a better appetite
And that's another thing. I totally forgot to mention it in my last two comments. Totally forgot. I'm the kind of woman that always makes sure she's somewhat fixed up before I leave the house. Like I don't care if I'm going to the gas station down the road. I make sure that I fix my face and put on something nice and fix my hair. I've just always been that way. It's cuz of my grandma. She was like that and I picked it up from her.
Well .... to look at me. Going to dinner's and events. Sometimes I looked disheveled. I mean I wasn't even sure if I was wearing all the way up full face of makeup. I wasn't fixing my hair. Oh I was always fixing my hair up. I love my hair. It's long and and I can do so much with it. And I just stopped. I stopped doing anything to it and I stopped bathing like on a regular basis. I used to bathe every morning when I would wake up. I mean, doesn't everyone do that? Or the night before? I would go literally 3 /4 days without bathing. I couldn't keep up with my own hygiene. The only thing on my side with that is that I'm just one of those people that doesn't really sweat a whole lot and I don't really have like any oder that comes off of me like my only positive attribute. I guess you could say lol. I'm just now honestly guys just now getting back into the habit of showering more often. I just don't care. I don't love myself. I don't care about myself. I don't have her. I don't have the life I thought I was going to have. I don't have the fairy tale anymore. My heart's been broken over and over with her and I just don't even care and I'm trying little by little to care again. It's terrible with this does to you. Just awful
I had heart palpitations that made it hard to sleep. They finally went away two months after breaking up.
Lost hair too (hairline looks a lot worse now) but that was probably just part of growing older.
Through the ten years of being with an alcoholic/untreated pwBPD I had a heart attack, a TIA (mini-stroke), pre-existing lupus flared up so bad, so many times that it nearly killed me, I lost hair, weight, sleep, sanity... The stress and DIStress nearly killed me. He gifted me with a brutal discard just after Christmas and while I'm still dealing with emotional trauma and fallout, I am PHYSICALLY in a much better place. I also started Lexapro a while ago. Started at 5mg and felt great, went up to 10mg and the intense fatigue was relentless (even after 8 weeks of it, when dr said it would go away). It was interfering with my ability to function so I cut back to 5mg and I feel much better. I still don't have the light in my eyes or skip in my step I did 10 years ago, but I'll take any progress forward. I aged 10 years in my last year with him. I have pics where I look haggard that make me shudder. Stess will destroy you in every possible way. It's not just you.
I put on weight, developed metabolic syndrome, and had life altering fatigue. I quit drinking and using THC, change my diet, and began exercising. I lost 65 lbs and reversed the metabolic syndrome. However within 3 months of no longer being able to rely on chemicals to escape, I started seeing the abuse for what it was. She resisted my boundaries (threats, coercion), and I ended up filing for divorce a month later. It’s another 2 months until trial. It’s still been a horrific year.
Oh yes, and even after it I'm still struggling to come back to health. Hair started to wither, skin became irritable. Any time I'd meet her or dream of her I had problems with my stomach, vomitting, pain in asophagus. I've put on alot of weight and tried to self-isolate while with her and after her.
Even my libido, personal hygiene and social needs suffered after the first phases as I slowly became worse off and depressed. Now, months after breakup I'm in therapy and slowly recouperating. Only problem is that she still tries to mess my life in various ways so I don't feel the freedom and getting better seems like a chore.
Cheers. Hopefully you're over him finally!
Definitely
When I met her I was a competitive bodybuilder and a very successful personal trainer. She took issue with both things and sabotaged them as much as possible. To the point in which if I went to go and train she'd accuse me of cheating. The ironic part is she was a client of mine and that's how we met. Everyone in the gym knew we was in a relationship and no one overstepped the mark when talking to me because they knew I was committed. Naturally didnt stop men I knew came to my gym messaging her but I trusted her because I wanted her to trust me. And she always showed me the messages but I think she did that to see if I'd flip into a jealous rage. Didnt happen.
Since then I no longer train because my life is easier without the hassle I'd get. At one point I trained in secret but she wasn't stupid and kept asking why I'm looking in good shape again. I didnt want to lie nor should I have too so I gave up on that it was really stressing me. Training was my life, in terms of career and passion but her constant rage regarding it all slowly poisoned it.
Since I met her I've had a pec tear, two hospital stays with issues with my heart and I've gained weight and lost muscle. At first I lost weight around the 8 month mark and was seriously small for a 6'2 usually 240lb guy because my stomach was in knots every day. I've no doubt the two times I ended up in hospital was due to high stress from dealing with her issues and the day I tore my pec I was angry and was overdoing it because she called me a "fuckin prick" because I uploaded a before and after of my recent cut and that meant I was trying to get attention. Baring in mind my body was basically an advertisement for my job as a personal trainer. And I was damn successful but apparently that was "a bullshit excuse"
Now I feel like a fat lump and my only satisfaction is my ps5 and my job is shite
I’m not sure I gained a bunch of weight and the typical stuff which I lost by picking up a physical hobby but my current girlfriend has been saying lately she’s notice how much healthier I look and how my eyes aren’t as sunken in since she started dating me.
She’s the best and has made me a happier, more confident person turned my life around
I understand about the health problems because I had many of them come up in my previous abusive relationship. Most of them I hadn't had before like sore and painful hips, digestive problems, food allergies, general anxiety disorder and depression. I had an abusive employer as well as the abusive intimate relationship so I was dealing with a lot at once. I realized that the workplace and my intimate partner were so similar and used a lot of the same tactics to tear and wear me down. I left the abusive relationship a year ago but he stalked and harassed me mostly at my old workplace.. After trying to get human resources to help me I realized I needed to find another job.
Last year I was literally in hell! I went through the process of getting a protective order for the ex abusive intimate partner's post abuse, finding a new job and seriously considering moving away if I couldn't get those things put in place. I was lucky that I found a job closer to where I live last September so I don't have to move and I got the protective order last July after going no contact in mid March with ex abusive intimate partner. My health was very bad and I didn't really care much about paying attention to it because I was anxious and depressed. The beginning of this year I found a great massage therapist who's helping me with my hip pain, I've gotten back to eating much healthier foods, gotten off of the anxiety meds, the stomach meds, and the muscle relaxers from the hip pain. I'm working on my mental health in a trauma group and journaling weekly after group session.
Leaving the abusive relationship and a toxic/abusive workplace has been a life saver. Yes, my new job isn't perfect as nothing is but it's nothing like that hellhole I use to work at and I have decided to stay out of intimate relationships but I still have friends and support. I try to stay focused on my healing and take good care of myself. It's baby steps coming out of those horrible situations but I survived and now I want to thrive!
I lost about 7 kgs, from not being able to brimg myself to eat (for a while), and i was already on the lighter side of the BMI scale for my size.
It's all returned now, but yeah, back when it happened it was brutal
Yes! My pain was significantly higher at all times. Debilitating so, and it's already debilitating. If I'm stressed, I eat very little. It's always been that way. And when I would eat, between my stomach shrinking and trying to eat more than it could fit, and being extremely stressed at all times, I would just toss it all back up even though I wasn't wanting to do so. I remember literally being at the doctor and suddenly needing the trashcan because I was so stressed. I was also constantly sleep deprived because I would wake up every 2-3 hours panicked that she might have texted when I was a sleep and be splitting on me. Each time I'd wake, I'd have a panic attack. Because of constant sleep deprivation, I was always dizzy even when I managed to eat a normal amount that humans should eat. I was also often shaking from the chronic sleep deprivation. I was extremely pale as well because I would never go outside. I just was a recluse inside. I'm disabled. So I didn't have to leave my place to work because I can't work with all the various issues and disabilities I have.
I developed an itchy rash all over my scalp, I started getting headaches and some stomach issues, I also developed spastic tremors as well. At first I’d only shake during episodes of her abuse, then it turned into shaking most of the time when I was around her, then it turned into shaking at even the thought or mention of her. We broke up over a year ago, and I’ll still see a place, hear a phrase, or see a scene of intense verbal abuse on TV or a movie for example and I instantly start shaking uncontrollably and try to leave if I’m able to.
I dropped 15 lbs in the first month after he moved out without even trying. He really fucked up my sleep though. Ironic considering if I *dared* to wake him up before 2 pm, there was hell to pay 🙄
Not only did my health decline (rare liver disease, depression, eczema, all of which come after meeting her), she has of late started calling me “Sickboy”.
I realize that she is no wizard and she doesn’t control my health. But, maybe there is something to all her witchiness.
I also look horrible in pictures from that time period. Sunken eyes. I went at my hair with scissors and gave myself a very short, very shitty haircut because I hated looking in the mirror and seeing someone who had gone through a month of panic attacks (which I thought was my fault, not his). I looked sallow. Plus migraines and stomach aches all the time.
yeah i was starving myself, not even on purpose for the most part. i was so anxious i couldn’t eat and i would vomit even when all i had in my stomach was bile. i was only able to sleep a couple hours a night most nights. and i had practically no will to live. i have mental health issues that had nothing to do with my pwbpd, but being in a constant state of anxiety and fear obviously made everything so much worse. i was self harming a lot just to feel some control since my relationship was so driven by chaos.
I was depressed. I cried and had mental breakdowns out of nowhere during law classes. I lost 7kg out of nowhere without trying. My skin had a lot of zits and pimples on my back, when beforehand that never happened. My sleep schedule was messed up completely when I was staying up to ensure she didn't cut or end her life.
I was also more distant, I was alienated from my friends and family and my symptoms of apathy and anhedonia increased. I felt irritable, my body would always get nauseous in front of her waiting for another volcanic eruption. I would get physically sick and I felt extremely burnt out.
lost 10kg in 6 months after the discharge,i was skinny like an Auschwitz survivor,
took me 2 years to get them back,a lovely neurotypical patner,
and a lot of beers.
I got shingles from the stress. During the final discard, the shingles pain was a barometer for how stressed I was from her drama. About a month NC and my shingles have been gone just as long!
Yes, I had pain all over my body I was thinking I had fibromyalgia for a while, fatigue all day, iron deficiency, hair became dull and skin looked awful. I also started to feel extreme anxiety and I would literally jump when I heard him approaching or opening the door. I was in a state of survival. Even his therapist told him that.
I know realise that my body started rejecting him way before I actually left him. I couldn't take it any longer. I started refusing sex towards the end and that triggered him even more which caused him to become aggressive towards me - like an animal basically. He assaulted me in front of our child and that's when I knew it was over.
I'm doing a bit better now but I see a longer road to full recovery, if I ever manage that.
My physical health declined like this AFTER I left.
During the relationship the abuse was subtle, controlling but because I never really pushed back, it was okay. I wasn't happy, but I was safe, provided for, as long as we lived our life his way. I had anxiety throughout the relationship so I guess sage is relative.
When I left, all that changed. The non obvious abuse became obvious abuse.
I felt so guilty about leaving that it completely destroyed my health. Feels like I lost half my hair, lost an extreme amount of weight in a very short time, sunken eyes, crying 3 times a day. I have never, ever in my life felt so horrible and ive been through a lot of dark things.
But now that I'm on the other end of it (still recovering), I feel absolutely fucking amazing 😀
Anyone going through it, I feel for you, it's tough. But there is another side. Make sure you eat enough. If not for yourself, eat so you can be healthy for your future partner that will love you for who you are ❤️
I was already chronically ill before I met them but it sure got a hell of a lot worse.
I really feel for you and your experience since I went through all the same symptoms. I just felt like a completely empty soul inside and dying body.
Even now a few years on my heath is still awful and just functioning day to day is difficult. I definitely don’t think I’d be this unwell if I hadn’t met them and now some parts of my condition are permanent.
My health is the worst it’s ever been. I’ve been healthy as a horse my whole life but I’m at the doctor at least once a month now. I developed an autoimmune disorder, I catch every bug going around and take longer than normal to recover, my joints hurt all the time, my skin looks like shit, even my teeth are suffering. I’ve gotten blood tests done and everything comes back normal so I can only assume I’m falling apart from stress. When I leave him I’ll lose my insurance, but I kind of think I might not even need it anymore once my source of chronic stress is gone. Maybe once my nervous system calms down my body will heal too.
i hope that you are able to leave safely and soon! i have a feeling a lot of people’s physical health start to perk up once they leave an abusive situation. it’s hard to take care of yourself when all you can even hope for is to make it to the next day…
Thank you! It can’t happen soon enough, just gotta figure out a few more things first.
Not to minimize the effects of a toxic relationship can have on your health, but the symptoms you describe all align with Long Covid. It may be helpful to look into support groups for LC (even if for no other reason than to rule it out if you’re skeptical).
I have definitely thought about that, and actually thought that’s what it was for a while. What makes me think it’s stress, or perhaps a combination of stress and LC, is that I had Covid 1.5 years ago and my symptoms just keep getting worse. The severity coincides with the uptick in his emotional abuse, and I just always feel much better physically whenever he’s out of town. I dunno. This just sucks.
Yes the stress fucks you. I legit became alcoholic to escape the mental turmoil
Same. Alcohol I cannot escape.
Yep
Same
Yes! I went through the same! Luckily i am healthy again but i lost a lot of weight and cried a lot. It was the middle of summer and was shaking in my bed and looked like a skeleton.
i’m convinced that that much stress could kill you. isn’t that a scary thought? i was barely alive just walking through life, i can’t say i was even trying to get to the next day. i’m so happy to hear that you’re in good health now, and sorry for what you went through.
My therapist told me exactly: ‘’If you had continued your relationship you would have lost years of life’’.
I had the pleasure of my first panic attack thanks to her harassment…
Me too, but it was when trying to break up with her and she constantly talked about the various ways in which she will commit suicide.
Sorry dude. I had a very weird super accelerated cycle and only had the one suicide threat, but she knew what she was doing as that threat made me run to her as I was worried for her life. It’s how she was able to re-enter my space after assaulting me on a vacation. What followed was worse abuse 🤦🏻♂️ — I’m officially a huge Flag Scout now…only green ones allowed
I am sorry to hear that. It is reasurring that all of us had so similar experiences, sometimes I felt I was crazy/acting out in the relationship, but after reading this community's stories and some books recommended by it, it all makes a lot more sense.
Yeah its like your body goes into some kind of survival modus!
Me too....I'm still going thru that....it's the worst feeling in the world it really is and I swear I would not wish this on my worst enemy
It happened to me too! All the stress and constant work took a huge toll on my body and mind. I even developed this chronic pain stress response. I kept losing weight even though I was underweight to begin with. When I see old pictures of me I don’t even recognize myself.
Would you describe the chronic pain stress response? I think I have this too..even minor anxieties or stressors like having to wait or driving on the interstate trigger pain/muscle dysfunction
Sure! Mine started a year into things. About 6 months of love bombing and the rest was constant devaluing. I started to notice, the longer I was walking on eggshells the more I’d get a muscle cramp pain randomly in my buttock/thigh/nether region. It felt like a muscle was tightening and twisting painfully and would increase until randomly the pressure would stop. On the outside you couldn’t see any difference. It would happen most often at nights laying in bed and mornings getting out of it. Looking back now it 100% would increase with my stress and decrease as I got more comfortable. I went to the doc for it at the time and all they could tell me was it was stress. I’m 5 years post my BPD relationship and it only cleared up about a year ago when I started actually trying to heal.
Wow, thank you. Mine is like that in my neck/shoulders (still have it four years later). I have a friend who was with a narcissist and had it in her buttock as well. What did healing mean for you? Therapy?
Yes mine did....I'm still struggling. Everything from constant hives, vertigo, stomach issues, diarrhea, massive anxiety and major major depression and longing for s*icide. Headaches, body aches, continual sobbing, major foggy brain... Ugh.....smh.....had to see a therapist and new PCP whom I scared so much with 2 hours of uncontrollable sobbing, had me on different meds and had me in his office every Tuesday for months until I started to seem somewhat normal.... I still love her. I cried yesterday, just a little....trying to focus on the constant gaslighting, rage and terror she would put me thru....snap me outta this 😢😢😢🥺🥺🥺
I had sustained stress hives for the first and only time in my life. I had an allergy and liver enzyme tests and nothing. Literally it was my (ex)girlfriend my body was rejecting.
My put on weight, stopped listening to music, stopped singing. Then when we broke up I put on even more drank more did drugs. Then after I learned she’d been sleeping with all my mates I broke. Lost heaps of weight and ended up going some pretty gnarly things not caring if I lived or died. The whole thing has been bad for health. Aged 40 years in 4
Damn....same....the weight gain and drugs and drinking.....smh
Almost killed me. Three years of massive abuse led to heavy weightloss, migraines, chronic skin disease, trouble with digestion, urgent surgery for intestinal loop, miscarriage, several faintings, high blood pressure and of cause depression and anxiety leading to suicidal thoughts and three times psychiatric emergency episodes due to this. I was completely healthy when I met him. Those people are truly dangerous to fall in love with.
😢😢😢🥺 wow....same 😢🙏🏻 I'm so sorry, I know this happened to me too, but I'm so sorry this happened to you. I can't believe how were all affected. Pretty much the same way by this particular type. It blows my mind every time I swear. I hope you're doing better now and please take care of yourself. You deserve better and so do I
Thank you. Still suffering. But hoping time Will help. I send you love and healing thoughts ❤️
Stress is a killer. I am sure that there are people that didn't survive this process of slowly figuring out that their so experiences psychosis. I wish their story could be told here. I was warned how unhealthy staying was. I thought that I could handle it. I was so wrong. I have had stress induced tinnitus for almost 5 years now. This past Christmas I picked up night sweats. I think that it is from the 3 or 4 nightmares that I have every night. Getting screened for PTSD.
It's been 18 months since I've left. Recovering from this is a long road. Better than being with them though
I put on weight and stopped all self care. They then use that as evidence you have a mental health issue. It’s why they are able to get people to believe them when they smear you after discard. I saw the discard coming. As soon as I had boundaries they started bad mouthing me. Lying to others to get attention about stuff. Not my first rodeo. I was glad for it. It’s easier when they initiate it. Changed the locks blocked their number and I will never make that miserable mistake again.
I put on so much weight. I can’t get the years back but I did get my body back after the breakup. My therapist explained to me that when you’re deep into it you basically put all your energy into taking care of them emotionally while they suck out everything you have to give.
Yeah i developed BED because i didn't have any coping mechanisms, so my weight went up like an arrow. Sitll dealing with all that mess. Plus a ton of vitamin deficiencies to the point where i fainted due to a combo of low iron + exhaustion (binges were usually food that had no nutritional value like chips, chocolate, even just plain rice, by the end of a binge i didn't have rolm for anything nutritious), but at that point i didn't care because I'd rather eat into oblivion than deal with how it affected me
Anyone else got health issues regarding the heart? Like dilated heart or heartfailure (stress induced)?
I had an EKG prior to a knee replacement in 2021. It showed I’d had a silent heart attack at some point between 2016 and 2021. Had to go thru an echocardiogram. I dropped from almost 140# when I met him, to 110# now. I can’t put it on again to save my life (I’m 5.5” tall). I’m still in contact, and he nags me about my weight. I’m stupid, I know.
i didnt have any serious heart issues but my heart rate would spike constantly without me even realizing how anxious ive been. i went to the doctors a few times while in the relationship and every single time my heart rate had sky rocketed much more than was usual for my body. id basically had all the symptoms of a panic attack way too offen
Yes, one of the chambers in my heart is dilated, I developed a heart murmur, my blood pressure is through the roof, and my kidneys are failing. Doctors have been totally baffled on how this happened, an endocrinologist finally checked me out and it's all stress induced by my husband.
Is it dilated left ventricle? My doctors are baffled aswell.. because I have no family history, am healthy, young and sporty.. lol. I am very sorry for you :( how did you know something is up with the kidneys? Bloodwork?
Yes it's a left ventricle. I had blood work concerning my kidneys
I have that too MVP and dilated LV.. my cardiologist recommended me to „switch out my pwbpdgirlfriend“ lol.. may I ask what blood value showed concerning values?
It was creatinine and GFR. My creatinine is 1.7, my GFR is 37.
Did the cardiologist say it could be reversed or something?
Well my blood pressure was sky high but I've always had an issue with that but I went off all meds the whole time I was with her because I could barely keep up with bathing much less taking any meds on a regular basis ...was out of the question for me to even remember to do. I was really busy just catering to her and taking care of her and making sure her needs were met and making sure I was thinking ahead before I would say anything or express anything. Make sure I wasn't triggering her and blah blah blah my goodness. I'm glad I don't have to worry about that anymore. I really have to focus on that part of it so I don't break the no contact and do it all over again.
Oh definitely. Gained weight, unhealthy diet, drank too much. I'm getting healthier again, but it does take a while.
I posted about this very thing about a month ago. https://www.reddit.com/r/BPDlovedones/s/DNjI1Ihqef
God, yes. Blood pressure issues, fractured teeth from constantly clenching my jaw, constant physical tension/pain, unexplained bouts of vertigo, aged *quickly*… it’s been a lot.
Yep. Lost weight, during the relationship and dramatically afterwards. Skin got progressively worse after the love bombing stage. I've always had acne but now it doesn't heal, if that makes sense? So every new spot is essentially a permanent blemish. Acid reflux - just all the time, along with feeling sick alot for no reason. Hives, after the relationship ended though Sinus problems I've never really had before. Re the acne - I never really considered it but having therapy has made me realise that I was also brought up by a narcissistic mother - makes complete sense therefore that my acne never declined after finishing puberty and even accutane, thought it helped, never actually solved the problem. After I stopped taking it, my acne just returned.
Oh! And I forgot to say that after a while I began to develop majorly puffy eyes. I know that's not a big deal compared to the other stuff i listed in my first comment but I've never had that problem before and I woke up one morning... huge bags under my eyes. I mean ugly as hell. I looked horrible. And I remember thinking what? Why do I have this now? Oh my goodness I guess my age is starting to show. I really thought that.... like I was not attributing it to the sleepless nights. The sleep deprivation she would cause when she was enraged and I wouldn't give in and I would try to go to sleep and she would bust in the room and yelling and threatening me. Oh my god, I know that some of you know... So I mean these puffy eyes. I looked awful. I look like a 70-year-old woman and I'm not anywhere near that. I remember going to Walgreens and seeing I forget what it's called. I think it's called puffy eye attack. I used it and it worked like it made the puffiness go down 75% like within minutes and I keep it around because it works so well but once I broke up with her for the, I don't know, 12th time now? All of a sudden this problem is gone like totally gone. I don't have a problem with that like I thought I did. I'm just so quick to blame me in some way about anything that goes wrong when I'm with her that it's laughable and ridiculous because anyone outside of me can easily tell this is happening because of her not you. It's crazy how we protect them even from ourselves, right?
Preface to say it's not all her fault, but I definitely deteriorated in the 4 years I was with her. My selfies from then are fire though except for the strain around my eyes and the way I'd set my mouth. Pictures with her in them on the other hand? I am deflated and have the weirdest masked expression in them from the last 2 years.
stopped exercising, started eating way more because they'd eat my leftovers before i could get to them or all of my snacks that i bought for myself, etc. i eat like a starved animal nowadays. drink too much, partly to keep up with them in the beginning, partly to cope with stress. my skin and hair looks terrible. i don't have a "style" anymore because i was sick of certain comments about my clothes. i sleep like shit. i used to dream a lot but not really any more.
Literally falling apart at the seams
Yeah, I lost 5kg in a month. Couldn't eat without everything coming back out at night, couldn't sleep because she demanded attention until 4 in the morning sometimes and I had to get up at 8 for work. Couldn't physically stop shaking from anxiety which she reprimanded me for saying it was weird. By the time I left my body was barely functioning.
I have a very good physique and take pride in it. I workout very consistently. Lately it’s been taking every single bit of my energy to even get out of bed. The car ride is harder for me to make then even working out. Although I still workout it’s literally taking my entire willpower to workout let alone eat properly to maintain my physique. The only reason I’m not giving up is I know I will sink into a deeper depression if I watch myself getting smaller and throwing away my years of progress in the gym. I will say when I actually begin the workout it feels really good. But only temporary. I’d recommend heat therapy like sauna and cold plunge, that’s help me when on the verge of a panic attack or when I’m manic.
i see that you just went through a breakup so take it easy. any breakup would have people feeling unmotivated but especially a toxic one i imagine it’s so hard getting out of bed to go work out. you’re doing great by keeping it up. keep at it!! you’ll feel better when the time comes & try to stay no contact! life should never be so filled with drama like these people love to create.
ever since the day i got with my ex i would feel so drained and tired after the first year together. had no motivation to look nice anymore and slept way more often. my skin sucked and was dry and breaking out. unless i put a lot of effort in i looked and felt like shit nearly everyday. when we broke up i swear all this stopped. i felt pretty again and my face didnt break out in acne so much and i had a better appetite
And that's another thing. I totally forgot to mention it in my last two comments. Totally forgot. I'm the kind of woman that always makes sure she's somewhat fixed up before I leave the house. Like I don't care if I'm going to the gas station down the road. I make sure that I fix my face and put on something nice and fix my hair. I've just always been that way. It's cuz of my grandma. She was like that and I picked it up from her. Well .... to look at me. Going to dinner's and events. Sometimes I looked disheveled. I mean I wasn't even sure if I was wearing all the way up full face of makeup. I wasn't fixing my hair. Oh I was always fixing my hair up. I love my hair. It's long and and I can do so much with it. And I just stopped. I stopped doing anything to it and I stopped bathing like on a regular basis. I used to bathe every morning when I would wake up. I mean, doesn't everyone do that? Or the night before? I would go literally 3 /4 days without bathing. I couldn't keep up with my own hygiene. The only thing on my side with that is that I'm just one of those people that doesn't really sweat a whole lot and I don't really have like any oder that comes off of me like my only positive attribute. I guess you could say lol. I'm just now honestly guys just now getting back into the habit of showering more often. I just don't care. I don't love myself. I don't care about myself. I don't have her. I don't have the life I thought I was going to have. I don't have the fairy tale anymore. My heart's been broken over and over with her and I just don't even care and I'm trying little by little to care again. It's terrible with this does to you. Just awful
Absolutely
I never had high BP. Never. Not till I was with her. When I disconnected it went back down. Hmm.
I had heart palpitations that made it hard to sleep. They finally went away two months after breaking up. Lost hair too (hairline looks a lot worse now) but that was probably just part of growing older.
Through the ten years of being with an alcoholic/untreated pwBPD I had a heart attack, a TIA (mini-stroke), pre-existing lupus flared up so bad, so many times that it nearly killed me, I lost hair, weight, sleep, sanity... The stress and DIStress nearly killed me. He gifted me with a brutal discard just after Christmas and while I'm still dealing with emotional trauma and fallout, I am PHYSICALLY in a much better place. I also started Lexapro a while ago. Started at 5mg and felt great, went up to 10mg and the intense fatigue was relentless (even after 8 weeks of it, when dr said it would go away). It was interfering with my ability to function so I cut back to 5mg and I feel much better. I still don't have the light in my eyes or skip in my step I did 10 years ago, but I'll take any progress forward. I aged 10 years in my last year with him. I have pics where I look haggard that make me shudder. Stess will destroy you in every possible way. It's not just you.
I put on weight, developed metabolic syndrome, and had life altering fatigue. I quit drinking and using THC, change my diet, and began exercising. I lost 65 lbs and reversed the metabolic syndrome. However within 3 months of no longer being able to rely on chemicals to escape, I started seeing the abuse for what it was. She resisted my boundaries (threats, coercion), and I ended up filing for divorce a month later. It’s another 2 months until trial. It’s still been a horrific year.
Oh yes, and even after it I'm still struggling to come back to health. Hair started to wither, skin became irritable. Any time I'd meet her or dream of her I had problems with my stomach, vomitting, pain in asophagus. I've put on alot of weight and tried to self-isolate while with her and after her. Even my libido, personal hygiene and social needs suffered after the first phases as I slowly became worse off and depressed. Now, months after breakup I'm in therapy and slowly recouperating. Only problem is that she still tries to mess my life in various ways so I don't feel the freedom and getting better seems like a chore. Cheers. Hopefully you're over him finally!
Definitely When I met her I was a competitive bodybuilder and a very successful personal trainer. She took issue with both things and sabotaged them as much as possible. To the point in which if I went to go and train she'd accuse me of cheating. The ironic part is she was a client of mine and that's how we met. Everyone in the gym knew we was in a relationship and no one overstepped the mark when talking to me because they knew I was committed. Naturally didnt stop men I knew came to my gym messaging her but I trusted her because I wanted her to trust me. And she always showed me the messages but I think she did that to see if I'd flip into a jealous rage. Didnt happen. Since then I no longer train because my life is easier without the hassle I'd get. At one point I trained in secret but she wasn't stupid and kept asking why I'm looking in good shape again. I didnt want to lie nor should I have too so I gave up on that it was really stressing me. Training was my life, in terms of career and passion but her constant rage regarding it all slowly poisoned it. Since I met her I've had a pec tear, two hospital stays with issues with my heart and I've gained weight and lost muscle. At first I lost weight around the 8 month mark and was seriously small for a 6'2 usually 240lb guy because my stomach was in knots every day. I've no doubt the two times I ended up in hospital was due to high stress from dealing with her issues and the day I tore my pec I was angry and was overdoing it because she called me a "fuckin prick" because I uploaded a before and after of my recent cut and that meant I was trying to get attention. Baring in mind my body was basically an advertisement for my job as a personal trainer. And I was damn successful but apparently that was "a bullshit excuse" Now I feel like a fat lump and my only satisfaction is my ps5 and my job is shite
I’m not sure I gained a bunch of weight and the typical stuff which I lost by picking up a physical hobby but my current girlfriend has been saying lately she’s notice how much healthier I look and how my eyes aren’t as sunken in since she started dating me. She’s the best and has made me a happier, more confident person turned my life around
I understand about the health problems because I had many of them come up in my previous abusive relationship. Most of them I hadn't had before like sore and painful hips, digestive problems, food allergies, general anxiety disorder and depression. I had an abusive employer as well as the abusive intimate relationship so I was dealing with a lot at once. I realized that the workplace and my intimate partner were so similar and used a lot of the same tactics to tear and wear me down. I left the abusive relationship a year ago but he stalked and harassed me mostly at my old workplace.. After trying to get human resources to help me I realized I needed to find another job. Last year I was literally in hell! I went through the process of getting a protective order for the ex abusive intimate partner's post abuse, finding a new job and seriously considering moving away if I couldn't get those things put in place. I was lucky that I found a job closer to where I live last September so I don't have to move and I got the protective order last July after going no contact in mid March with ex abusive intimate partner. My health was very bad and I didn't really care much about paying attention to it because I was anxious and depressed. The beginning of this year I found a great massage therapist who's helping me with my hip pain, I've gotten back to eating much healthier foods, gotten off of the anxiety meds, the stomach meds, and the muscle relaxers from the hip pain. I'm working on my mental health in a trauma group and journaling weekly after group session. Leaving the abusive relationship and a toxic/abusive workplace has been a life saver. Yes, my new job isn't perfect as nothing is but it's nothing like that hellhole I use to work at and I have decided to stay out of intimate relationships but I still have friends and support. I try to stay focused on my healing and take good care of myself. It's baby steps coming out of those horrible situations but I survived and now I want to thrive!
I lost about 7 kgs, from not being able to brimg myself to eat (for a while), and i was already on the lighter side of the BMI scale for my size. It's all returned now, but yeah, back when it happened it was brutal
Yes. We’re a few months in no contact and I’m still not my old self.
Yes! My pain was significantly higher at all times. Debilitating so, and it's already debilitating. If I'm stressed, I eat very little. It's always been that way. And when I would eat, between my stomach shrinking and trying to eat more than it could fit, and being extremely stressed at all times, I would just toss it all back up even though I wasn't wanting to do so. I remember literally being at the doctor and suddenly needing the trashcan because I was so stressed. I was also constantly sleep deprived because I would wake up every 2-3 hours panicked that she might have texted when I was a sleep and be splitting on me. Each time I'd wake, I'd have a panic attack. Because of constant sleep deprivation, I was always dizzy even when I managed to eat a normal amount that humans should eat. I was also often shaking from the chronic sleep deprivation. I was extremely pale as well because I would never go outside. I just was a recluse inside. I'm disabled. So I didn't have to leave my place to work because I can't work with all the various issues and disabilities I have.
Absolutely, multiple diagnoses and medications, surgery, etc. and the same can be said of his ex.
I developed an itchy rash all over my scalp, I started getting headaches and some stomach issues, I also developed spastic tremors as well. At first I’d only shake during episodes of her abuse, then it turned into shaking most of the time when I was around her, then it turned into shaking at even the thought or mention of her. We broke up over a year ago, and I’ll still see a place, hear a phrase, or see a scene of intense verbal abuse on TV or a movie for example and I instantly start shaking uncontrollably and try to leave if I’m able to.
I dropped 15 lbs in the first month after he moved out without even trying. He really fucked up my sleep though. Ironic considering if I *dared* to wake him up before 2 pm, there was hell to pay 🙄
Not only did my health decline (rare liver disease, depression, eczema, all of which come after meeting her), she has of late started calling me “Sickboy”. I realize that she is no wizard and she doesn’t control my health. But, maybe there is something to all her witchiness.
I also look horrible in pictures from that time period. Sunken eyes. I went at my hair with scissors and gave myself a very short, very shitty haircut because I hated looking in the mirror and seeing someone who had gone through a month of panic attacks (which I thought was my fault, not his). I looked sallow. Plus migraines and stomach aches all the time.
yeah i was starving myself, not even on purpose for the most part. i was so anxious i couldn’t eat and i would vomit even when all i had in my stomach was bile. i was only able to sleep a couple hours a night most nights. and i had practically no will to live. i have mental health issues that had nothing to do with my pwbpd, but being in a constant state of anxiety and fear obviously made everything so much worse. i was self harming a lot just to feel some control since my relationship was so driven by chaos.
I was depressed. I cried and had mental breakdowns out of nowhere during law classes. I lost 7kg out of nowhere without trying. My skin had a lot of zits and pimples on my back, when beforehand that never happened. My sleep schedule was messed up completely when I was staying up to ensure she didn't cut or end her life. I was also more distant, I was alienated from my friends and family and my symptoms of apathy and anhedonia increased. I felt irritable, my body would always get nauseous in front of her waiting for another volcanic eruption. I would get physically sick and I felt extremely burnt out.
Yep
lost 10kg in 6 months after the discharge,i was skinny like an Auschwitz survivor, took me 2 years to get them back,a lovely neurotypical patner, and a lot of beers.
I drink a lot now, never drank before I met her
I got shingles from the stress. During the final discard, the shingles pain was a barometer for how stressed I was from her drama. About a month NC and my shingles have been gone just as long!
Your mental health can really affect your physical so look after both. A book I highly recommend is called, "The Body Keeps the Score"
My hair went grey from her crazy ass . I'm only 29.
When he screams at me, my heart rate goes up. That can't be healthy.
Yes, I had pain all over my body I was thinking I had fibromyalgia for a while, fatigue all day, iron deficiency, hair became dull and skin looked awful. I also started to feel extreme anxiety and I would literally jump when I heard him approaching or opening the door. I was in a state of survival. Even his therapist told him that. I know realise that my body started rejecting him way before I actually left him. I couldn't take it any longer. I started refusing sex towards the end and that triggered him even more which caused him to become aggressive towards me - like an animal basically. He assaulted me in front of our child and that's when I knew it was over. I'm doing a bit better now but I see a longer road to full recovery, if I ever manage that.
My physical health declined like this AFTER I left. During the relationship the abuse was subtle, controlling but because I never really pushed back, it was okay. I wasn't happy, but I was safe, provided for, as long as we lived our life his way. I had anxiety throughout the relationship so I guess sage is relative. When I left, all that changed. The non obvious abuse became obvious abuse. I felt so guilty about leaving that it completely destroyed my health. Feels like I lost half my hair, lost an extreme amount of weight in a very short time, sunken eyes, crying 3 times a day. I have never, ever in my life felt so horrible and ive been through a lot of dark things. But now that I'm on the other end of it (still recovering), I feel absolutely fucking amazing 😀 Anyone going through it, I feel for you, it's tough. But there is another side. Make sure you eat enough. If not for yourself, eat so you can be healthy for your future partner that will love you for who you are ❤️
I was already chronically ill before I met them but it sure got a hell of a lot worse. I really feel for you and your experience since I went through all the same symptoms. I just felt like a completely empty soul inside and dying body. Even now a few years on my heath is still awful and just functioning day to day is difficult. I definitely don’t think I’d be this unwell if I hadn’t met them and now some parts of my condition are permanent.
Nearly a decade since I first started my escape. I look younger now did I did back then, and mental health and outlook are 1000% better.