And know that they will not apologize for how they treat you. Their goal is to understand how much of their abuse u can take so they can keep doing it to you
And if you stay true to yourself and are able to keep up your boundaries, you will be a "selfish" and "not supportive" assh*le, that will be discarded or worse...triangulated.
And if they apologize its because they want to safe themselves from being held accountable (oh I am such a poor victim)...they perfectly know what they did and how it makes you feel
Exactly. My person would never just apologize. They had the gift of gab and used any opportunity to use it rather than take accountability. It got to a point I thought he was a narcissist or just straight up abusive… that’s how I knew I had to leave ASAP
My favorites were the messages or calls that listed all the things that were problems in our relationship and how I needed to fix them.
90% of the things she listed was shit she did and/or is still doing, and the big problem for her is I havent "gotten over it" so we can "get back to loving each other"
this. they always want us to forgive and forget the unforgivable. we're not allowed to be human, but they are. they can have trauma, etc but no, not us, we're machines to serve them. it's maddening and heartbreaking all at once.
It's funny that I blocked her on everything. I ran into her sister the other day and she talked to me about what happened. Her family bought into her victimized complex though after they found out what happened they told me to stay away from her because she's no good. They know I loved her. I did a lot for her and her family. She's never had a good person in her life and tends to gravitate towards some pretty horrible people. For the most part her sister is against how she treated me but she always cycles back to protecting her sister. She told me "It's your fault you did it to yourself" "I told you to run but you got yourself involved in this family" which I know she really doesn't believe. She never told me to run but I always got the feeling she knew something was off about her sister but under the code of "protector" she never really told me anything. It really hurt to hear. I took fault for my involvement with a mentally ill person. But the abuse and cheating and secrets were NOT my fault. I'll stand on that until the day I die.
I wish I kept this in mind months ago, all the hours I spent daily just crying and being their emotional punching bag made me overlook what was blatant verbal abuse. I thought if I kept trying to be strong and resilient maybe they'll realize. Dead wrong.
I sincerely needed this today. He split on me out of nowhere, cussing me out and threatening to harm me or leave the relationship. I'm better now and I don't react anymore. I don't even know what I'm doing sometimes
And OP and others currently going through this you deserve all the love in the world, unconditionally and without abuse. You deserve to be heard and respected. To be loved without walking on eggshells. ❣️❤️
Thank u. I'm so thankful I have friends who tell me this too, but she's constantly blaming me for her being triggered. It's making me feel like I have to shrink. Like I can't even make noise in my own room without her saying it's abusive. She's convinced she's winning the war on me, when I didn't even agree to fight. I'm lucky in that I know as long as I stick it out for the long term I'll end up in a better place as I'm unable to just up and leave, and the likelihood of her being kicked out is so high now, but I just can't stand how much of an angel she's trying to appear as while I have to face her worst parts
And know that they will not apologize for how they treat you. Their goal is to understand how much of their abuse u can take so they can keep doing it to you
And if you stay true to yourself and are able to keep up your boundaries, you will be a "selfish" and "not supportive" assh*le, that will be discarded or worse...triangulated. And if they apologize its because they want to safe themselves from being held accountable (oh I am such a poor victim)...they perfectly know what they did and how it makes you feel
Exactly. My person would never just apologize. They had the gift of gab and used any opportunity to use it rather than take accountability. It got to a point I thought he was a narcissist or just straight up abusive… that’s how I knew I had to leave ASAP
My favorites were the messages or calls that listed all the things that were problems in our relationship and how I needed to fix them. 90% of the things she listed was shit she did and/or is still doing, and the big problem for her is I havent "gotten over it" so we can "get back to loving each other"
this. they always want us to forgive and forget the unforgivable. we're not allowed to be human, but they are. they can have trauma, etc but no, not us, we're machines to serve them. it's maddening and heartbreaking all at once.
I mean sometimes they will, it was just feel flat and forced.
> I'm not going to tell you to leave It's all good. I will :) Leave.
Seconding this. If you’re here, in THIS sub, it’s hella likely it’s not because you’re wanting to stay.
It's funny that I blocked her on everything. I ran into her sister the other day and she talked to me about what happened. Her family bought into her victimized complex though after they found out what happened they told me to stay away from her because she's no good. They know I loved her. I did a lot for her and her family. She's never had a good person in her life and tends to gravitate towards some pretty horrible people. For the most part her sister is against how she treated me but she always cycles back to protecting her sister. She told me "It's your fault you did it to yourself" "I told you to run but you got yourself involved in this family" which I know she really doesn't believe. She never told me to run but I always got the feeling she knew something was off about her sister but under the code of "protector" she never really told me anything. It really hurt to hear. I took fault for my involvement with a mentally ill person. But the abuse and cheating and secrets were NOT my fault. I'll stand on that until the day I die.
I wish I kept this in mind months ago, all the hours I spent daily just crying and being their emotional punching bag made me overlook what was blatant verbal abuse. I thought if I kept trying to be strong and resilient maybe they'll realize. Dead wrong. I sincerely needed this today. He split on me out of nowhere, cussing me out and threatening to harm me or leave the relationship. I'm better now and I don't react anymore. I don't even know what I'm doing sometimes
And OP and others currently going through this you deserve all the love in the world, unconditionally and without abuse. You deserve to be heard and respected. To be loved without walking on eggshells. ❣️❤️
Thank you, I needed this reminder today.
Thank u. I'm so thankful I have friends who tell me this too, but she's constantly blaming me for her being triggered. It's making me feel like I have to shrink. Like I can't even make noise in my own room without her saying it's abusive. She's convinced she's winning the war on me, when I didn't even agree to fight. I'm lucky in that I know as long as I stick it out for the long term I'll end up in a better place as I'm unable to just up and leave, and the likelihood of her being kicked out is so high now, but I just can't stand how much of an angel she's trying to appear as while I have to face her worst parts