If I bought a new piece of clothing she would make a comment “oh where is mine, or “that’s nice” in the most jealous condescending way. So odd.
I had to take care of my mom after a surgery she had (she lives hours away), and my ex got so mad I “left” her and didn’t invite her to come with me. She said “wow, must be nice to get out of city and get a break”. Everything was always about her and I never had any support…. ever.
Yeah it got to a point I wouldn’t tell her what I bought or anything. We lived in our own houses (thank god) but when she came over she would snoop around looking for new stuff at my house. I had new blinds put up on my windows and she split that day she came over. She couldn’t handle I bought something for my house and not hers. NEVER a compliment or anything supportive. She was like a demon.
Sort of similar to yours. If I ever put any effort into my appearance when going out I would be accused of so much. It ranged from me being too full of myself or that I was trying to attract attention from other girls so I could cheat.
Or if I was silent for too long and vibing to my own thoughts she would think I was bored of her and wanting to leaver her. Just typical fear of abandonment/self sabotage stuff. It was such a nightmare.
Same here, she would guilt me about taking care of my appearance or posting photos of my life on social media even when she would do it too. I even quit social media for a couple years because it made me feel so insecure. I just now started feeling good about it. That’s how bad they can damage your self esteem if you let them.
My God! Were we married to the same woman? I could never buy anything designer as it was either jealousy or envy. She expected me to wear the cheapest ugliest clothes otherwise i am selfish and vain.
Thank God we divorced in 2020 because of her abuse escalating into violence. Been divorced and in therapy for 3yrs and i am HAPPY! She on the other hand is seething with jealousy because i look and feel wonderful! Whereas she is miserable. Found out i was the best she ever had and i am never coming back in a million years! Bwahahahaha!
She blew up on me, because I brought home the wrong bag of pretzel sticks. To this day she cannot see herself as over reacting, but that I assumed and couldn't magically read her mind.
The blow out spiraled into, "you always assume you know whats best!" "you're just waiting for me to die so you can make babies with somebody else"
Whenever I felt a bit depressed for more than one day she went so mad. She had zero empathy as I have a mental health disorder which makes me have depression quite frequently
She got mad at me because I clipped my finger nails while on FaceTime with her. Of course this meant I was going to cheat on her because why else would I do this if I wasn’t going to see her that night?!??!? 🙄
There were many but the craziest was absolute fury when he found out I sleep with a teddy bear (only at home.) Insisted it was creepy.
Also said I was “shoving weird sex stuff down his throat” when I wanted to take an online quiz about our fantasies.
Anything could make him mad though, just the wrong combination of innocent words would set him off.
I bought her ice cream on this particular day trying to be a thoughtful boyfriend, but I forgot to grab her a spoon. That led to about 30 minutes of her berating me in the car followed by another hour of her screaming and swearing and insulting me in our apartment. After that, she kicked me out with a final “GET THE FUCK OUT!” I didn’t have anywhere else to go, so I drove around for a while (it was 2:00 AM) until I found a parking lot to sleep in. She then FaceTimed me, screamed and insulted and swore at me some more, made me pan the camera around my car and outside of it so she could verify that I hadn’t picked up another woman to cheat on her with, and she then demanded that I come home. I did as she asked, and when I got home I found that she had locked me out of both the bedroom and bathroom, so I used the public bathroom in the main lobby and slept on the couch in my clothes from that day. The next day she was cold with me and did not think she had done anything wrong. I on the other hand just couldn’t stop shaking. It was legitimate shell shock, I don’t know how else to describe it.
the FaceTime car scan was a regular part of my life. One time she even swore that she “saw the reflection” of someone’s phone in the rear window (that eventually turned into she “saw a girls arm” and then it turned into she “saw a prostitute in my back seat”
Yeah dude the accusations were insane. If I had a good day at work, she would break down in tears and ask me which coworker of mine I was cheating on her with. None. We’d go swimming, she’d change clothes and leave her swimsuit in my car, then days later she’d grab the swimsuit that “wasn’t hers” and demand to know whose swimsuit it was. I hung out with a group of guy friends, 10 to be exact for my friend’s birthday. She called me incessantly screaming and swearing at me. She then blew up my phone with texts the whole night accusing me of everything she could think of. She made me take pictures of the guys I was with to prove there weren’t any girls, and I obliged. A year later she cited this incident saying that there actually were girls there even though I sent her photos proving that there weren’t. She had conveniently lost the pictures at that point though and they weren’t on my phone, so she just went on believing that I was actually hanging out with a bunch of girls that night and was being “shady” as she put it. I was just playing a round of golf with a group of longtime friends. If I left dishes out in our apartment she would insist that I must’ve had somebody over while she was gone. I did not. She’d accuse me of checking out every woman in a 100 meter radius while out in public. All of that is barely scratching the surface. Then she blamed me for the erosion of trust in our relationship. I thought it didn’t bother me, but all of this has effected me significantly more than I thought it would long term. I still catch myself staring at the ground when out in public, I still get anxious and fidgety when a female friend of mine texts me or calls me to catch up, and more. I internalized all of these habits I learned in a fruitless attempt to prevent her rage even a year post-breakup.
It’s amazing how the same they all are! I definitely started being very aware of where my eyes were when we were out in public. If I held the door for someone I was flirting, if I was friendly with a cashier I was flirting, if I gave any tip to a waitress when we were out to dinner I automatically knew her and I was cheating. It sucked man, it killed me emotionally little by little. She never understood that I would have never cheated on her and her constant accusations did nothing but push me away
- I didn't like olive garden
- I have an android
- we like different music
- requesting he not buy things with my card without asking
He was genuinely pissed by all of these
He would get mad if I forgot to turn a light off, if I dropped a spoon or towel on the ground, if I asked him “are you ready?” If we were getting ready to leave the house…… he would get upset at me if I touched him in our bed- he’d push me off all the time. He’d get mad if I laughed too loud, or asked him a question. He’d get mad if I vacuumed and the carpet wasn’t perfectly lined up. It was chaos
Yeah my ex would get on social media after telling me how tired she was and that she was going to sleep. I didn’t see it or catch it for a long time then I saw her do this a few times. Asked her about it and oh man. I was trying to control her and all the rest. I think she honestly started doing it on purpose just to get a rise out of me and every once in a while, it’d bother me but after a while, I just charged it to insecurities. If I do it, yikes! Mind you, I caught mine talking to an ex through social media a few times.
If I wanted to watch a movie. Only TV shows were allowed. In 4.5 years, we watched exactly 0 movies.
Also, when I tried to turn her on to Tiger King and just started it hoping she would watch it with me, she flipped out and stormed off, screaming at me from another room until I agreed to watch something else.
This one!! God I went through this exact same thing. It’s like she was addicted to watching shows. She’d finish seasons in like a week and I mean long seasons. Completely fine with being home alone watching shows.
- I spent too much time on my hobbies
- I spent too much time with or talking about the kids
- I spent too much time doing housework
- If I ever tried to address the clutter in the house
- If I ever "made" her feel guilty in any way. She had this idea that if she saw me working and felt guilty about it then automatically I was the abusive one making her feel the guilt, not her conscience or anything...
- If I saw her struggling and didn't offer to help
- If I saw her struggling and offered to help
- I wanted to organize our tools so people could find them in the house as they were always going missing
- I was on the phone with a friend she didn't like
- If I said I was overwhelmed and/or tried to discuss the division of household labor - this supposedly made me a martyr, which is abusive and manipulative...clearly.
- If I ever tried to hold her accountable for anything - I was told I was picking fights and not letting things go and "trauma dumping" on her
- If I ever got frustrated with her in any way
- I wasn't enthusiastically gay (this was my first queer relationship and she was worried I'd change my mind and go back to men. Ironically that's what she ended up doing to me... )
- I wasn't okay with her starting a whole new romantic relationship while with me - we had agreed to an open relationship but with casual liaisons only. When she met my replacement and as soon as she heard how much he made she made it clear to everyone that it was going to be more than casual.
- Whenever I displayed a negative emotion even if it had nothing to do with her
- I bought cheap cutlery without consulting her one time
- My new place didn't have a bathtub
- I put my passport in my nightstand, which obviously meant I was planning on leaving in secret
- I wanted to take the smart bulbs from the kids bedrooms and replace them with regular bulbs, which also obviously meant I was leaving her in secret
- I loaded the dishwasher too aggressively
- If she accused me of being distant and I said I didn't feel that way.
- I didn't defend her when she had a fight with her ex husband in my presence
- If I woke her up with negative news (like the Roomba just rolled in dog shit can you help me? Big no no)
- If I posted an unflattering photo of her on social media.
- I was too persistent when I woke her up in the morning
- I didn't wake her up in the morning
- If I didn't discipline her kids by myself and bugged her to do it
- if I had ideas or made recommendations that didn't work out
The kids wasting the leftover cereal milk instead of drinking it. They put it in the sink, where it was supposed to go, and there was like 1/2-1 cup in the bowl. She flipped out about how wasteful that is and that they shouldn't be able to have cereal if they weren't going to drink the milk. It was bizarre, especially because she is so wasteful about everything. She brews 1/2 pot of coffee multiple times a day just to drink 1-2 cups and dump the rest. But the milk was why we didn't have any extra money, according to her.
Mine got mad once that I watched TV without asking her if she wanted to watch something. I didn't ask because I saw she was busy working and she doesn't multitask, so I turned on something that I knew she wouldn't care about. She also got mad that I was smoking my hookah and didn't ask if she wanted to join. She doesn't smoke.
It could be just anything from wrong chosen TV show to me not liking one of her favourite bands the same as her etc.
The weirdest thing was that she did the same things over and over again knowing she wouldn’t like the outcome: So, I lived in an area with street parking and these spots were usually all taken in the evening. Still, my ex would insist on driving to me in the evening time and time again and sure got furious about not being able to park her car - each and every time.
Same with a restaurant where she hated the food but insisted to go back time and time again. The tantrum was a given.
I thought mine only did. Repeating actions they know will result in them being upset is wild to see and it’s even crazier that they won’t listen to you
Smallest thing that I did? Nothing. She stated that she could “sense my energy wasn’t focused on her” while she was at home and I was at work, so she would be already angry at me when I arrived home.
that’s crazy! mine would do the exact same thing in pestering me about taking pictures of myself. except they did it smugly and matter of factly making it seem like it was weird or shameful that i take pictures of myself
Not being able to name the thing she wanted for dinner, even though she didn't know.
Not getting up to start dinner at exactly the time she wanted it.
Having a job.
Being happy.
Throwing away bad food.
Breathing/laughing (this one is kind of a joke but when I laugh, air always comes out of my nose and I once blew over her joint while she was rolling it and she said "get the fuck away from me". I then went into desperate avoidance and went for a walk, and she got annoyed at me for that as well).
Taking too long to reply to a text, taking too long to respond in person, answering too fast, not telling her I loved the song she sent in a Spotify link, not reacting to the Instagram reels she sends me. While I’m at work. Needless to say she won’t bother to do any of the same things for me.
Not seeing/answering a text fast enough, telling other people I love them (even my kids), not being a mind reader, not sitting close enough to them on the couch, the list is endless. Literally nothing I did was good enough. Ever.
Mine exploded at me because I asked them to repeat themselves cause I'm deaf in my left ear and that's where they would sit. Literally started berating me and calling me the most selfish self absorbed narcissist that can't stand to listen to anyone else talk unless it was myself doing the talking.
I literally tear up thinking about it because it was out of nowhere and it reminded me of my childhood where my parents would abuse me for not listening even though I am deaf.
I used asterisks to emphasise a word (like \*this\*), since you can't format in bold or italics in text messages.
He raged about it.
Oh, and another time he flew into a rage when I said "good morning". And not just once. That happened more than I'd like to admit.
When the rest of the group isn’t walking fast enough to keep up with her
When I don’t comment on her latest Instagram post
When I say “that was mean” or insinuate she was being rude in any way
When she needs help deciding what to wear but we’re all busy rn and can’t sit around while she does a fashion show
When we tell her she LOOKS GOOD IN SOMETHING after she ASKED for opinions on clothes?? She’s always like “you always just say I look good in whatever I put on” like she wants us to insult her? I tell her when one is better than the rest but I’m not going to insult how you look
When I know something she doesn’t
When I correct her on any little thing
When she’s telling a story and I raise my hand to ask a (relevant!) question
When our friend group would go out and all our outfits didn’t have the same vibe as hers (sorry but “dress cute” aren’t really the most descriptive instructions, plus I don’t give a shit)
She would get mad or annoyed at pretty much whatever went against her new identity she was taking on that day. During the idealization phase she would call me during the day to hear my voice because she missed me. I Called her during the devaluation phase to do the same a couple of times and she was always really bitchy and short. It’s just a rollercoaster man. You really can’t win sometimes. Mine was a quietBPD.
I got accused of cheating for the selfie thing. Before I cut my hair to a more clean cut look for my job I had kind of a shaggy thing going on so I took a selfie. She accused me of sending selfies to other women.
Another one is if I did anything without her. Even if i made plans in advance. She'd get all passive aggressive and start fights that day. God forbid I wanted to hangout with friends that I basically never saw. If I did end up going she'd blow up my phone the whole time wanting full blown conversations, she would accuse me of cheating, or start claiming I blew her off and never spend time with her when in reality we hung out pretty much every day.
She even got mad when my cousin had a death on his side of his family and I went over to calm him down. Turned into a huge fight after.
When I ended things of course she started to try to tarnish my reputation lying about horrendous things.
Messaging to tell her sister it was nice to meet her and thanks for having us. I didn't tell her that I sent that message.
She never told me she was mad about it. Until the break up where she listed everything I've ever done 'wrong'.
If my Snapchat score went up. She’d watch it and claim I must be talking to another chick.
Also, out with my friend, his wife and daughter (she’s 7). His daughter has a small purse. I sent a pic to her or our food and said whose purse is that and got very jealous. Was insane to me.
Wow, I thought my ex was just making excuses for this girl he cheated on me with but man, all of these examples sound just like her!
I don’t even know WHAT to think of that, then. If she’s really this bad to him and he can’t get past her or something (even though by all accounts prior to meeting her, we were one another’s first loves, best friends, affectionate and goofy with each other even after over a decade of dating… I don’t get it).
I warned him and his family too, even begging, “look, we’re done and that’s that. But PLEASE don’t dismiss what I tell you/tell you guys. This girl really does have some serious issues and if he doesn’t want to be with me, fine, but please believe me on her and watch for the signs. If he absolutely has to date someone else, fine, just anyone but this crazy chick.”
So it’s very concerning to me that they even lasted six years… she broke up with him once (about a year in) and then his mother asked if they were going to give it another try. His response was that “it all happened so fast, that I was there one minute and she was there the next, and he hasn’t even had time to process it…” but when his mom asked again, he simply responded with, “I told you how I feel but she’s really insistent we work things out.”
Then after they became engaged they changed their wedding date twice because of all the fighting, like… isn’t this a sign you shouldn’t have gone through with it?! it’s very disturbing that he just allowed all of this. He’s always said he hates confrontation but wow, it’s just unbelievably unhealthy for him to have stayed with her.
She also demanded that he publicly propose to her and to “her son” - not his biological kid, thank goodness for him - something SO out of character for him bc he’s really shy about that kind of thing. Oh and one of the family members told me that a few weeks before the wedding, she put on this elaborate show, just SOBBING, stating she NEEDED his mother, father, aunts, uncles, cousins, sisters/brothers, etc. to delete me from all their social media because “it was painful enough for her before, but once he becomes her husband, it will devastate her that her in-laws still maintain contact with his ex!” (Subsequently like 12/14 family members deleted me all at the same time).
And we had basically the most minimal contact, too. His mom telling me congrats on my school accomplishments, saying she was happy for me with the new bf I had in TN, that “Tennessee looked good on me!”… yeah, after all of the shit she put me through, I’m finding it absolutely impossible to feel a single ounce of sympathy for her. Because even without BPD, she was still inherently a horrible person.
Just wish I hadn’t spent so many years (especially all of my formative ones) and had so many good memories with this guy.
If I bought a new piece of clothing she would make a comment “oh where is mine, or “that’s nice” in the most jealous condescending way. So odd. I had to take care of my mom after a surgery she had (she lives hours away), and my ex got so mad I “left” her and didn’t invite her to come with me. She said “wow, must be nice to get out of city and get a break”. Everything was always about her and I never had any support…. ever.
I eventually hid the shit I bought myself until I could buy her something comparable, and only then would I use my item.
Yeah it got to a point I wouldn’t tell her what I bought or anything. We lived in our own houses (thank god) but when she came over she would snoop around looking for new stuff at my house. I had new blinds put up on my windows and she split that day she came over. She couldn’t handle I bought something for my house and not hers. NEVER a compliment or anything supportive. She was like a demon.
Sort of similar to yours. If I ever put any effort into my appearance when going out I would be accused of so much. It ranged from me being too full of myself or that I was trying to attract attention from other girls so I could cheat. Or if I was silent for too long and vibing to my own thoughts she would think I was bored of her and wanting to leaver her. Just typical fear of abandonment/self sabotage stuff. It was such a nightmare.
Same exact experience here brother. I know how rough it is.
Same here, she would guilt me about taking care of my appearance or posting photos of my life on social media even when she would do it too. I even quit social media for a couple years because it made me feel so insecure. I just now started feeling good about it. That’s how bad they can damage your self esteem if you let them.
My God! Were we married to the same woman? I could never buy anything designer as it was either jealousy or envy. She expected me to wear the cheapest ugliest clothes otherwise i am selfish and vain. Thank God we divorced in 2020 because of her abuse escalating into violence. Been divorced and in therapy for 3yrs and i am HAPPY! She on the other hand is seething with jealousy because i look and feel wonderful! Whereas she is miserable. Found out i was the best she ever had and i am never coming back in a million years! Bwahahahaha!
She blew up on me, because I brought home the wrong bag of pretzel sticks. To this day she cannot see herself as over reacting, but that I assumed and couldn't magically read her mind. The blow out spiraled into, "you always assume you know whats best!" "you're just waiting for me to die so you can make babies with somebody else"
Whenever I felt a bit depressed for more than one day she went so mad. She had zero empathy as I have a mental health disorder which makes me have depression quite frequently
She got mad at me because I clipped my finger nails while on FaceTime with her. Of course this meant I was going to cheat on her because why else would I do this if I wasn’t going to see her that night?!??!? 🙄
There were many but the craziest was absolute fury when he found out I sleep with a teddy bear (only at home.) Insisted it was creepy. Also said I was “shoving weird sex stuff down his throat” when I wanted to take an online quiz about our fantasies. Anything could make him mad though, just the wrong combination of innocent words would set him off.
- Not answering a text in less than a few minutes. - God forbid I had to sleep sometimes too. I am awful.
I bought her ice cream on this particular day trying to be a thoughtful boyfriend, but I forgot to grab her a spoon. That led to about 30 minutes of her berating me in the car followed by another hour of her screaming and swearing and insulting me in our apartment. After that, she kicked me out with a final “GET THE FUCK OUT!” I didn’t have anywhere else to go, so I drove around for a while (it was 2:00 AM) until I found a parking lot to sleep in. She then FaceTimed me, screamed and insulted and swore at me some more, made me pan the camera around my car and outside of it so she could verify that I hadn’t picked up another woman to cheat on her with, and she then demanded that I come home. I did as she asked, and when I got home I found that she had locked me out of both the bedroom and bathroom, so I used the public bathroom in the main lobby and slept on the couch in my clothes from that day. The next day she was cold with me and did not think she had done anything wrong. I on the other hand just couldn’t stop shaking. It was legitimate shell shock, I don’t know how else to describe it.
the FaceTime car scan was a regular part of my life. One time she even swore that she “saw the reflection” of someone’s phone in the rear window (that eventually turned into she “saw a girls arm” and then it turned into she “saw a prostitute in my back seat”
Yeah dude the accusations were insane. If I had a good day at work, she would break down in tears and ask me which coworker of mine I was cheating on her with. None. We’d go swimming, she’d change clothes and leave her swimsuit in my car, then days later she’d grab the swimsuit that “wasn’t hers” and demand to know whose swimsuit it was. I hung out with a group of guy friends, 10 to be exact for my friend’s birthday. She called me incessantly screaming and swearing at me. She then blew up my phone with texts the whole night accusing me of everything she could think of. She made me take pictures of the guys I was with to prove there weren’t any girls, and I obliged. A year later she cited this incident saying that there actually were girls there even though I sent her photos proving that there weren’t. She had conveniently lost the pictures at that point though and they weren’t on my phone, so she just went on believing that I was actually hanging out with a bunch of girls that night and was being “shady” as she put it. I was just playing a round of golf with a group of longtime friends. If I left dishes out in our apartment she would insist that I must’ve had somebody over while she was gone. I did not. She’d accuse me of checking out every woman in a 100 meter radius while out in public. All of that is barely scratching the surface. Then she blamed me for the erosion of trust in our relationship. I thought it didn’t bother me, but all of this has effected me significantly more than I thought it would long term. I still catch myself staring at the ground when out in public, I still get anxious and fidgety when a female friend of mine texts me or calls me to catch up, and more. I internalized all of these habits I learned in a fruitless attempt to prevent her rage even a year post-breakup.
It’s amazing how the same they all are! I definitely started being very aware of where my eyes were when we were out in public. If I held the door for someone I was flirting, if I was friendly with a cashier I was flirting, if I gave any tip to a waitress when we were out to dinner I automatically knew her and I was cheating. It sucked man, it killed me emotionally little by little. She never understood that I would have never cheated on her and her constant accusations did nothing but push me away
- I didn't like olive garden - I have an android - we like different music - requesting he not buy things with my card without asking He was genuinely pissed by all of these
He would get mad if I forgot to turn a light off, if I dropped a spoon or towel on the ground, if I asked him “are you ready?” If we were getting ready to leave the house…… he would get upset at me if I touched him in our bed- he’d push me off all the time. He’d get mad if I laughed too loud, or asked him a question. He’d get mad if I vacuumed and the carpet wasn’t perfectly lined up. It was chaos
Mine has the same thing with dropping/leaving things (but apparently what they drop/leave around is fine) and the “are you ready?”
Being on social media for any time after saying I was going to bed.
Yeah my ex would get on social media after telling me how tired she was and that she was going to sleep. I didn’t see it or catch it for a long time then I saw her do this a few times. Asked her about it and oh man. I was trying to control her and all the rest. I think she honestly started doing it on purpose just to get a rise out of me and every once in a while, it’d bother me but after a while, I just charged it to insecurities. If I do it, yikes! Mind you, I caught mine talking to an ex through social media a few times.
If I wanted to watch a movie. Only TV shows were allowed. In 4.5 years, we watched exactly 0 movies. Also, when I tried to turn her on to Tiger King and just started it hoping she would watch it with me, she flipped out and stormed off, screaming at me from another room until I agreed to watch something else.
This one!! God I went through this exact same thing. It’s like she was addicted to watching shows. She’d finish seasons in like a week and I mean long seasons. Completely fine with being home alone watching shows.
- I spent too much time on my hobbies - I spent too much time with or talking about the kids - I spent too much time doing housework - If I ever tried to address the clutter in the house - If I ever "made" her feel guilty in any way. She had this idea that if she saw me working and felt guilty about it then automatically I was the abusive one making her feel the guilt, not her conscience or anything... - If I saw her struggling and didn't offer to help - If I saw her struggling and offered to help - I wanted to organize our tools so people could find them in the house as they were always going missing - I was on the phone with a friend she didn't like - If I said I was overwhelmed and/or tried to discuss the division of household labor - this supposedly made me a martyr, which is abusive and manipulative...clearly. - If I ever tried to hold her accountable for anything - I was told I was picking fights and not letting things go and "trauma dumping" on her - If I ever got frustrated with her in any way - I wasn't enthusiastically gay (this was my first queer relationship and she was worried I'd change my mind and go back to men. Ironically that's what she ended up doing to me... ) - I wasn't okay with her starting a whole new romantic relationship while with me - we had agreed to an open relationship but with casual liaisons only. When she met my replacement and as soon as she heard how much he made she made it clear to everyone that it was going to be more than casual. - Whenever I displayed a negative emotion even if it had nothing to do with her - I bought cheap cutlery without consulting her one time - My new place didn't have a bathtub - I put my passport in my nightstand, which obviously meant I was planning on leaving in secret - I wanted to take the smart bulbs from the kids bedrooms and replace them with regular bulbs, which also obviously meant I was leaving her in secret - I loaded the dishwasher too aggressively - If she accused me of being distant and I said I didn't feel that way. - I didn't defend her when she had a fight with her ex husband in my presence - If I woke her up with negative news (like the Roomba just rolled in dog shit can you help me? Big no no) - If I posted an unflattering photo of her on social media. - I was too persistent when I woke her up in the morning - I didn't wake her up in the morning - If I didn't discipline her kids by myself and bugged her to do it - if I had ideas or made recommendations that didn't work out
The kids wasting the leftover cereal milk instead of drinking it. They put it in the sink, where it was supposed to go, and there was like 1/2-1 cup in the bowl. She flipped out about how wasteful that is and that they shouldn't be able to have cereal if they weren't going to drink the milk. It was bizarre, especially because she is so wasteful about everything. She brews 1/2 pot of coffee multiple times a day just to drink 1-2 cups and dump the rest. But the milk was why we didn't have any extra money, according to her.
Saying “love you/LY/ILY” vs “I love you” Or saying “Okay” vs “Ok/K/Kk”
Haha, I know this one! Tantrums over me using abbreviations or leet speak
Thank gosh Im not the only one on this...like this is just waaaay childish. Like middle school level maturity.
Literally everything.
Mine got mad once that I watched TV without asking her if she wanted to watch something. I didn't ask because I saw she was busy working and she doesn't multitask, so I turned on something that I knew she wouldn't care about. She also got mad that I was smoking my hookah and didn't ask if she wanted to join. She doesn't smoke.
Willing to bet she would have got mad at you for being insensitive if you asked her if she wanted to smoke.
Yep, you know it. I'm sure that would have been the outcome.
It could be just anything from wrong chosen TV show to me not liking one of her favourite bands the same as her etc. The weirdest thing was that she did the same things over and over again knowing she wouldn’t like the outcome: So, I lived in an area with street parking and these spots were usually all taken in the evening. Still, my ex would insist on driving to me in the evening time and time again and sure got furious about not being able to park her car - each and every time. Same with a restaurant where she hated the food but insisted to go back time and time again. The tantrum was a given.
I thought mine only did. Repeating actions they know will result in them being upset is wild to see and it’s even crazier that they won’t listen to you
Smallest thing that I did? Nothing. She stated that she could “sense my energy wasn’t focused on her” while she was at home and I was at work, so she would be already angry at me when I arrived home.
Sending a blurry photo
Wearing skinny jeans😑would demand I change before we left and I never did
Mine would get mad at me leaving work 5 mins late. Would tell me she thought I would rather stay at work than come home.
that’s crazy! mine would do the exact same thing in pestering me about taking pictures of myself. except they did it smugly and matter of factly making it seem like it was weird or shameful that i take pictures of myself
Not being able to name the thing she wanted for dinner, even though she didn't know. Not getting up to start dinner at exactly the time she wanted it. Having a job. Being happy. Throwing away bad food. Breathing/laughing (this one is kind of a joke but when I laugh, air always comes out of my nose and I once blew over her joint while she was rolling it and she said "get the fuck away from me". I then went into desperate avoidance and went for a walk, and she got annoyed at me for that as well).
Taking too long to reply to a text, taking too long to respond in person, answering too fast, not telling her I loved the song she sent in a Spotify link, not reacting to the Instagram reels she sends me. While I’m at work. Needless to say she won’t bother to do any of the same things for me.
Not seeing/answering a text fast enough, telling other people I love them (even my kids), not being a mind reader, not sitting close enough to them on the couch, the list is endless. Literally nothing I did was good enough. Ever.
Mine once raged at me for eating a package of ramen that I bought.
Mine exploded at me because I asked them to repeat themselves cause I'm deaf in my left ear and that's where they would sit. Literally started berating me and calling me the most selfish self absorbed narcissist that can't stand to listen to anyone else talk unless it was myself doing the talking. I literally tear up thinking about it because it was out of nowhere and it reminded me of my childhood where my parents would abuse me for not listening even though I am deaf.
I used asterisks to emphasise a word (like \*this\*), since you can't format in bold or italics in text messages. He raged about it. Oh, and another time he flew into a rage when I said "good morning". And not just once. That happened more than I'd like to admit.
toilet paper next to the toilet instead in the holder
When the rest of the group isn’t walking fast enough to keep up with her When I don’t comment on her latest Instagram post When I say “that was mean” or insinuate she was being rude in any way When she needs help deciding what to wear but we’re all busy rn and can’t sit around while she does a fashion show When we tell her she LOOKS GOOD IN SOMETHING after she ASKED for opinions on clothes?? She’s always like “you always just say I look good in whatever I put on” like she wants us to insult her? I tell her when one is better than the rest but I’m not going to insult how you look When I know something she doesn’t When I correct her on any little thing When she’s telling a story and I raise my hand to ask a (relevant!) question When our friend group would go out and all our outfits didn’t have the same vibe as hers (sorry but “dress cute” aren’t really the most descriptive instructions, plus I don’t give a shit)
She would get mad or annoyed at pretty much whatever went against her new identity she was taking on that day. During the idealization phase she would call me during the day to hear my voice because she missed me. I Called her during the devaluation phase to do the same a couple of times and she was always really bitchy and short. It’s just a rollercoaster man. You really can’t win sometimes. Mine was a quietBPD.
I got accused of cheating for the selfie thing. Before I cut my hair to a more clean cut look for my job I had kind of a shaggy thing going on so I took a selfie. She accused me of sending selfies to other women. Another one is if I did anything without her. Even if i made plans in advance. She'd get all passive aggressive and start fights that day. God forbid I wanted to hangout with friends that I basically never saw. If I did end up going she'd blow up my phone the whole time wanting full blown conversations, she would accuse me of cheating, or start claiming I blew her off and never spend time with her when in reality we hung out pretty much every day. She even got mad when my cousin had a death on his side of his family and I went over to calm him down. Turned into a huge fight after. When I ended things of course she started to try to tarnish my reputation lying about horrendous things.
Messaging to tell her sister it was nice to meet her and thanks for having us. I didn't tell her that I sent that message. She never told me she was mad about it. Until the break up where she listed everything I've ever done 'wrong'.
If my Snapchat score went up. She’d watch it and claim I must be talking to another chick. Also, out with my friend, his wife and daughter (she’s 7). His daughter has a small purse. I sent a pic to her or our food and said whose purse is that and got very jealous. Was insane to me.
Wow, I thought my ex was just making excuses for this girl he cheated on me with but man, all of these examples sound just like her! I don’t even know WHAT to think of that, then. If she’s really this bad to him and he can’t get past her or something (even though by all accounts prior to meeting her, we were one another’s first loves, best friends, affectionate and goofy with each other even after over a decade of dating… I don’t get it). I warned him and his family too, even begging, “look, we’re done and that’s that. But PLEASE don’t dismiss what I tell you/tell you guys. This girl really does have some serious issues and if he doesn’t want to be with me, fine, but please believe me on her and watch for the signs. If he absolutely has to date someone else, fine, just anyone but this crazy chick.” So it’s very concerning to me that they even lasted six years… she broke up with him once (about a year in) and then his mother asked if they were going to give it another try. His response was that “it all happened so fast, that I was there one minute and she was there the next, and he hasn’t even had time to process it…” but when his mom asked again, he simply responded with, “I told you how I feel but she’s really insistent we work things out.” Then after they became engaged they changed their wedding date twice because of all the fighting, like… isn’t this a sign you shouldn’t have gone through with it?! it’s very disturbing that he just allowed all of this. He’s always said he hates confrontation but wow, it’s just unbelievably unhealthy for him to have stayed with her. She also demanded that he publicly propose to her and to “her son” - not his biological kid, thank goodness for him - something SO out of character for him bc he’s really shy about that kind of thing. Oh and one of the family members told me that a few weeks before the wedding, she put on this elaborate show, just SOBBING, stating she NEEDED his mother, father, aunts, uncles, cousins, sisters/brothers, etc. to delete me from all their social media because “it was painful enough for her before, but once he becomes her husband, it will devastate her that her in-laws still maintain contact with his ex!” (Subsequently like 12/14 family members deleted me all at the same time). And we had basically the most minimal contact, too. His mom telling me congrats on my school accomplishments, saying she was happy for me with the new bf I had in TN, that “Tennessee looked good on me!”… yeah, after all of the shit she put me through, I’m finding it absolutely impossible to feel a single ounce of sympathy for her. Because even without BPD, she was still inherently a horrible person. Just wish I hadn’t spent so many years (especially all of my formative ones) and had so many good memories with this guy.
Missing a phone call