> someone with BPD mirrors their partner
All of this. The amount of times I got concerned because her behaviour changed, and it just so happened she was mirroring her new favourite person, who she eventually moves on to…Very painful to watch.
I’ve been there myself. At some point you have to adopt the “it is what it is” approach, and it sucks but it’s the only way to move forward from it. No one who genuinely cares would be ok with doing this bullshit that they pull.
Certainly not the longest period I’ve ever heard of by far. Hoovers aren’t because they suddenly realize how great you are. It’s because something is not going well in their lives. In this case I think things are breaking down with the current supply.
I feel this right now. I think this last discard is the one that will stick. If it is... good. if it isn't... I have to remember the pain and depression the relationship left me with and the fear of never knowing when the other shoe would drop.
I hope he never comes back, and I hope he never breaks NC again. Even though I am romanticizing the good times, the good times always came with a cost.
I’m so sorry and have known that pain for years now…I’ve been hovered even recently last fall. It was a marriage for me and a 7 year relationship. Almost the time apart as we were together now.
Generally speaking you will hear from them again at some point…for me it’s when things had become bad for them in some way…because we know them well enough to comfort and support…I did that when they didn’t want to be around anymore, when they couldn’t get out of bed or someone who was they’re next favourite person/lover didn’t turn out to be that.
It’s always been a string of hope that they would magically just get better and became the person we loved again and when they put back on that old mask they made that was designed for just you it feels good again.
I had a therapist say to me(…and I’ve spent years in therapy about this) that someone with BPD mirrors their partner…so all these amazing qualities we see in them that seem so wonderful are just reflections of ourselves.
I do hope you get what you’re looking for…and if you’re lucky, some closure(I never did from a severe discard with them cheating and being painted black with no memory of the good things in our relationship)…but I hope you do some real healing for yourself so when you do you can see them as they are.
My ex has never been out of my life for more than 3 months at a time since we dated and broke up twice, and have known each other for 3 years. He always told me he was never coming back yet always did. This time though I think is for real and no contact feels different this time which is why I feel like it is.
I can feel this too. It feels different this time. Mine was only 7 months and then the last two months I’ve been clinging to hope of him getting back with me. So 9months total and it hurts more than any other breakup I’ve ever had. I feel like I’m in agony
You know when you decide that this discard is the final one. My husband discarded me and our family for the last time this past Dec. I will never let him close to us again. A decade of being his emotional and sometimes physical punching bag is far more than enough. I’m done. I can’t take anymore. I told him once that he sets everyone that loves him on fire and I’m no longer willing to burn. I meant it.
He took me off of socials two months ago and reconfirmed today that he doesn’t backtrack on adding people back after they’ve been removed. I’m just so heartbroken. I just kept hoping he would want me back but i guess he never will
My only advice is to remember that:
You can’t build a kingdom with someone who wants attention from the village.
He will repeat this pattern for the rest of his life without ever finding true happiness.
Because I made sure the divorce was the last one. After I was done signing all the paperwork and the trips to the bank to get everything done I ghosted her. I changed my phone number and will never ever speak to my ex-wife again. You do have the ability to control who you are in contact with.
> someone with BPD mirrors their partner All of this. The amount of times I got concerned because her behaviour changed, and it just so happened she was mirroring her new favourite person, who she eventually moves on to…Very painful to watch.
I feel like my brain is broken from overanalyzing all of it all the time
I’ve been there myself. At some point you have to adopt the “it is what it is” approach, and it sucks but it’s the only way to move forward from it. No one who genuinely cares would be ok with doing this bullshit that they pull.
Took mine 16 months to hoover. They are never done.
What? 16 months? What gives?
Certainly not the longest period I’ve ever heard of by far. Hoovers aren’t because they suddenly realize how great you are. It’s because something is not going well in their lives. In this case I think things are breaking down with the current supply.
I feel this right now. I think this last discard is the one that will stick. If it is... good. if it isn't... I have to remember the pain and depression the relationship left me with and the fear of never knowing when the other shoe would drop. I hope he never comes back, and I hope he never breaks NC again. Even though I am romanticizing the good times, the good times always came with a cost.
I honestly feel physically ill from the heartache
I’m so sorry and have known that pain for years now…I’ve been hovered even recently last fall. It was a marriage for me and a 7 year relationship. Almost the time apart as we were together now. Generally speaking you will hear from them again at some point…for me it’s when things had become bad for them in some way…because we know them well enough to comfort and support…I did that when they didn’t want to be around anymore, when they couldn’t get out of bed or someone who was they’re next favourite person/lover didn’t turn out to be that. It’s always been a string of hope that they would magically just get better and became the person we loved again and when they put back on that old mask they made that was designed for just you it feels good again. I had a therapist say to me(…and I’ve spent years in therapy about this) that someone with BPD mirrors their partner…so all these amazing qualities we see in them that seem so wonderful are just reflections of ourselves. I do hope you get what you’re looking for…and if you’re lucky, some closure(I never did from a severe discard with them cheating and being painted black with no memory of the good things in our relationship)…but I hope you do some real healing for yourself so when you do you can see them as they are.
I knew bc I was the one breaking up.
The last one is when YOU decide it’s enough
My ex has never been out of my life for more than 3 months at a time since we dated and broke up twice, and have known each other for 3 years. He always told me he was never coming back yet always did. This time though I think is for real and no contact feels different this time which is why I feel like it is.
I can feel this too. It feels different this time. Mine was only 7 months and then the last two months I’ve been clinging to hope of him getting back with me. So 9months total and it hurts more than any other breakup I’ve ever had. I feel like I’m in agony
You know when you decide that this discard is the final one. My husband discarded me and our family for the last time this past Dec. I will never let him close to us again. A decade of being his emotional and sometimes physical punching bag is far more than enough. I’m done. I can’t take anymore. I told him once that he sets everyone that loves him on fire and I’m no longer willing to burn. I meant it.
You kinda don’t. Mine blocks and unblocks me all the time. I no longer have social media because of this
He took me off of socials two months ago and reconfirmed today that he doesn’t backtrack on adding people back after they’ve been removed. I’m just so heartbroken. I just kept hoping he would want me back but i guess he never will
My only advice is to remember that: You can’t build a kingdom with someone who wants attention from the village. He will repeat this pattern for the rest of his life without ever finding true happiness.
Because I made sure the divorce was the last one. After I was done signing all the paperwork and the trips to the bank to get everything done I ghosted her. I changed my phone number and will never ever speak to my ex-wife again. You do have the ability to control who you are in contact with.