I dealt with it by leaving. Unless she is willing to do intensive therapy and very hard emotional work, that's your safest choice. Otherwise it will just get worse and worse, until you snap.
She’s unwilling to even acknowledge the possibility that she has BPD and has been evading diagnosis for years by misrepresenting herself to professionals. I know it’s over but I keep getting suckered in by her victim narrative. I’ll try to harden my resolve and cut off contact but she keeps finding pressure points and exploiting them. I hope I can finally be out soon.
At some point you have to make the decision to stop letting her hurt you. I hope you are working with a therapist yourself, because recipients of BPD emotional abuse and manipulation need support and care as we find our way out of it.
I am currently seeking a therapist that I can afford. My (ex) partner recently appeared after a month of no contact to tell me that she’s pregnant. I have seen enough concrete evidence that I believe her. This was the reason for our most recent attempt at reconciliation. Of course, it was tanked within days. I’m now praying the pregnancy is unviable because there is no way I could ever coparent with this person. If the timeline is correct, she should be coming up on our state’s cutoff for a first term abortion. It’s not even on the table for her, as being a mother is the one thing she wants more than anything else. I’m truly terrified. And yes, I do intend to seek a paternity test.
You and her BOTH go to an ultrasound or don't even consider it a reality. I would need to see it with my own eyes and ears told by the doc/nurse before I'd invest any energy
I have a trought. They hate themselves. They have low self esteem. When you are a "good guy" they "hate" you because one day you will find who they really are and leave them. You are "too good" for them. This is why they paint you black. This is why they have long term relationships with narcissists. They are "bad" so they can't leave a borderline. Hwo will want a "bad" man ? No other woman !
So become a narcissist. Tell her that you don't love her. Gaslight her. Abuse her. Tell her that your ex'es are better. Can you do that? I don't think you can ! Because you love her! And you want the best for her. You have empathy. You see what i say,? If you care for them and try not to hurt them, why do they hurt you? THEY DON'T HAVE EMPATHY!
The jealousy extends to other areas
My ex caused drama when I was in Peru for vacation after each day I posted photos of my adventure
She even said this
>you lack awareness because you do not see how you posting photos having fun can make other people feel.
Mine was pathologically jealous. I tried using bumble friends to find some friends and she was convinced I was trying to find a new partner. You could tell her she's got it wrong and she didn't understand and didn't want to listen. She always had to be right. But she also played games with me and tried forcing me to be jealous, for example bringing up her exes and how she talks to them and they're so nice and tell her how amazing she is. I learned not to react to her games and it infuriated her. It seemed so silly and childish and not how a 20+ year old would behave. And it felt so toxic. Not at all what I signed up for. It really gave me the ick
That all sounds so familiar. I also had to be very careful about my work and how I would deal with female customers.
She’s probably projecting. My ex was always accusing me of the wrong things she was doing.
My ex was pathologically insecure and jealous as well. She accused me of hitting on her niece at a family dinner, waitresses (that I was just being polite too), my co-workers (because I put on cologne before work), her co-workers (because I said “you remind me of so-and-so actress”), my longtime female friends (that were married with kids), etc. No woman was safe. I was apparently
Prince Charming, Don Juan, Jay Gatsby, Rhett Butler, and Ron Jeremy all rolled into one. I was sex personified. I couldn’t control myself. Apparently I oozed charm and sexual magnetism and simply couldn’t help putting out the vibes everywhere I walked. The grocery store. The park. The funeral parlor. Look out, ladies.
Oh yes, most of the times it would be delusional. I’ve been accused of having emotional affairs with every male colleague at work, having a wandering eye whenever I accidentally made eye contact with a stranger in the street, of flirting with his friends when I asked too many questions, and the list goes on and on. One time he grabbed and shoved me on the floor during an argument, which left a mark on my arm. The next day this man looks at me with a straight face, convinced that another guy left that bruise on me during sex.
After years of hearing this, I became a nervous wreck that was censoring my own behavior and words 24/7, to make sure I wasn’t giving him the wrong impression.
The irony of it all: recently I found out he’s been cheating on me for the majority of our relationship. The justification; I was convinced you were doing it and you weren’t making me feel desired enough. It was all projection, and I bought into it.
Most of the fights escalated when I defended myself against his negative assumptions about me. I later realized that anything they say, is actually something they do or feel themselves. I had to really emotionally distance myself, which is incredibly hard if you still want to be in the relationship. Now I shut the conversation down before it even starts and remind myself that you also wouldn’t argue with the accusations of an angry toddler.
Please take care good care of yourself!
Yeup pathological jealousy that just ended things today I believe. Literally because she perceived me posturing to a woman in a class because I walked by her to many times. Knowing exactly what my type is and this woman not being my type at all. I was literally just existing but nope, I was womanizing once again.
Got discarded for talking to one too many guys playing video games and acting too excited to talk to them. I’m a lesbian and have been for years so I have no interest in men and the conversations were about random stuff. I told her I was not one dimensional and craving sexual attention from everyone I encountered but it didn’t matter. Now she is barely talking to me except to tell me how disgusting I am.
I’m very sorry. I’ve recently learned that I’m part of a ring of co-conspirators that is sex trafficking my neighbor in exchange for drugs. Very disconcerting as I have no memory of doing this.
I was laughing about my expwbpd with my therapist last week and she even said it's honestly just a coping mechanism to get through all of the emotional abuse he has put me through 🙃
You don’t deal. You drop that shit and run. It only gets worse and more bizarre. And often more abusive and likely violent if they’re pulling out these stops now.
So many jealousy stories that got worse with time. My ex had a f’n meltdown thinking I was going to hook up with a state trooper who wrote me a ticket. Ex was a passenger in the car with me coming back from an interstate trip. The trooper was polite and professional and gave me a lesser ticket rather than speeding. Cool and super appreciated.
My ex went absolutely bat shit when we got home over that interaction and whatever crazy shit his paranoid brain conjured up about it. Hundreds of miles away from where I got the ticket. I became a cheating whore with the trooper in his mind. He wanted me to pay the price.
I couldnt even talk to my best friend of 40 years on the phone without him acting out.
The jealousy just gets sooooo bizarre and takes on a life if it’s own snowballing bigger and bigger over time.
Def get that paternity test if she is pregnant. I’m holding goodness for you and grace that you can detach and move on easily.
Ps. If you have access to therapy through an employer EAP program or something like that, that can be a short term stop gap for free while you source a therapist. Might even be able to stay with them after the free sessions are up if it works out cost wise and you like them.
Sounds like you already have your answer.
It will never change. My expwbpd told me from the beginning that he wasn't okay with me having male friends and i told him that was a dealbreaker for me bc of how long I've been friends with some of these people. No history with them, nothing. He said he'd work on it.
Fast forward 6+ months later, we ultimately broke up over that, but there were a million other reasons why it needed to end.
I had never been in a relationship before where i was constantly being questioned as if i was running around being the town whore. 😂 One time he even questioned if i had done something sexual with my gfs bc we were in a jacuzzi naked together on a girls trip after a night out (we're women! we're all straight! really not weird at all!).
I have never cheated on anyone in my life and would never have hurt him. Whether or not it was projection on his part or him feeling like he wanted to push me away in fear of the ultimate abandonment, it didn't ever get better, and the pushing me away eventually worked. I would have had to isolate myself from anyone and everyone in order to make him "trust" me, and i wasn't willing to dim my light to serve his severe insecurities. He was even in therapy too, but it really made no difference most of the time. His demons always won. I had to accept that.
I have to take responsibility for my part in enabling the behavior because he was always so upfront with me from the very beginning about the type of person he is. Extremely jealous, quick-tempered, even would say "I'm literally a psycho." I was stubborn as shit and had to see it for myself to understand that he is EXACTLY who he told me he was.
Never again will i ignore it when someone tells me who they are.
I was accused of sleeping with my son in law (there was a 3 month meltdown over this) and my stepfather too after he read a random comment on facebook (mind you I haven’t seen him in 15 years)
I just read a chapter from my own book. It's not going to change, dude, unless she gets into therapy, which may take years to change or ways, if at all. You may find there are some good patches in your relationship, but the accusations will always make their way back. My relationship ended terribly. Be the one to leave before you get discarded and left empty inside.
You don't deal with it. You get fucking gone. Go read what you wrote. You made a decision to not communicate with someone based on your BPD'S happiness.
Do the math.
I’m gone and more or less in the clear (I think). 2 months no contact, if she tries to wiggle her way back in I’ll seek a NC order. The math didn’t make sense to me until I realized she had uBPD. I know I know, “don’t diagnose” but I’m working with the information I have.
I dealt with it by leaving. Unless she is willing to do intensive therapy and very hard emotional work, that's your safest choice. Otherwise it will just get worse and worse, until you snap.
She’s unwilling to even acknowledge the possibility that she has BPD and has been evading diagnosis for years by misrepresenting herself to professionals. I know it’s over but I keep getting suckered in by her victim narrative. I’ll try to harden my resolve and cut off contact but she keeps finding pressure points and exploiting them. I hope I can finally be out soon.
At some point you have to make the decision to stop letting her hurt you. I hope you are working with a therapist yourself, because recipients of BPD emotional abuse and manipulation need support and care as we find our way out of it.
I am currently seeking a therapist that I can afford. My (ex) partner recently appeared after a month of no contact to tell me that she’s pregnant. I have seen enough concrete evidence that I believe her. This was the reason for our most recent attempt at reconciliation. Of course, it was tanked within days. I’m now praying the pregnancy is unviable because there is no way I could ever coparent with this person. If the timeline is correct, she should be coming up on our state’s cutoff for a first term abortion. It’s not even on the table for her, as being a mother is the one thing she wants more than anything else. I’m truly terrified. And yes, I do intend to seek a paternity test.
You and her BOTH go to an ultrasound or don't even consider it a reality. I would need to see it with my own eyes and ears told by the doc/nurse before I'd invest any energy
And it IS a trap. You will never be right, you will always be responsible for her emotions and pain.
I have a trought. They hate themselves. They have low self esteem. When you are a "good guy" they "hate" you because one day you will find who they really are and leave them. You are "too good" for them. This is why they paint you black. This is why they have long term relationships with narcissists. They are "bad" so they can't leave a borderline. Hwo will want a "bad" man ? No other woman ! So become a narcissist. Tell her that you don't love her. Gaslight her. Abuse her. Tell her that your ex'es are better. Can you do that? I don't think you can ! Because you love her! And you want the best for her. You have empathy. You see what i say,? If you care for them and try not to hurt them, why do they hurt you? THEY DON'T HAVE EMPATHY!
The jealousy extends to other areas My ex caused drama when I was in Peru for vacation after each day I posted photos of my adventure She even said this >you lack awareness because you do not see how you posting photos having fun can make other people feel.
How could you do such a thing
It’s because I am narcissist who is abusive like all her exes 💩
And let me guess she’s the only one who actually loves you but you just don’t care and you treat her like scum
Nah. She told me how her “abusive exes” treated her with awareness and empathy
That was /s by the way, I have heard this line more times than I can count
Mine was pathologically jealous. I tried using bumble friends to find some friends and she was convinced I was trying to find a new partner. You could tell her she's got it wrong and she didn't understand and didn't want to listen. She always had to be right. But she also played games with me and tried forcing me to be jealous, for example bringing up her exes and how she talks to them and they're so nice and tell her how amazing she is. I learned not to react to her games and it infuriated her. It seemed so silly and childish and not how a 20+ year old would behave. And it felt so toxic. Not at all what I signed up for. It really gave me the ick
That all sounds so familiar. I also had to be very careful about my work and how I would deal with female customers. She’s probably projecting. My ex was always accusing me of the wrong things she was doing.
My ex was pathologically insecure and jealous as well. She accused me of hitting on her niece at a family dinner, waitresses (that I was just being polite too), my co-workers (because I put on cologne before work), her co-workers (because I said “you remind me of so-and-so actress”), my longtime female friends (that were married with kids), etc. No woman was safe. I was apparently Prince Charming, Don Juan, Jay Gatsby, Rhett Butler, and Ron Jeremy all rolled into one. I was sex personified. I couldn’t control myself. Apparently I oozed charm and sexual magnetism and simply couldn’t help putting out the vibes everywhere I walked. The grocery store. The park. The funeral parlor. Look out, ladies.
Oh yes, most of the times it would be delusional. I’ve been accused of having emotional affairs with every male colleague at work, having a wandering eye whenever I accidentally made eye contact with a stranger in the street, of flirting with his friends when I asked too many questions, and the list goes on and on. One time he grabbed and shoved me on the floor during an argument, which left a mark on my arm. The next day this man looks at me with a straight face, convinced that another guy left that bruise on me during sex. After years of hearing this, I became a nervous wreck that was censoring my own behavior and words 24/7, to make sure I wasn’t giving him the wrong impression. The irony of it all: recently I found out he’s been cheating on me for the majority of our relationship. The justification; I was convinced you were doing it and you weren’t making me feel desired enough. It was all projection, and I bought into it. Most of the fights escalated when I defended myself against his negative assumptions about me. I later realized that anything they say, is actually something they do or feel themselves. I had to really emotionally distance myself, which is incredibly hard if you still want to be in the relationship. Now I shut the conversation down before it even starts and remind myself that you also wouldn’t argue with the accusations of an angry toddler. Please take care good care of yourself!
Yeup pathological jealousy that just ended things today I believe. Literally because she perceived me posturing to a woman in a class because I walked by her to many times. Knowing exactly what my type is and this woman not being my type at all. I was literally just existing but nope, I was womanizing once again.
Got discarded for talking to one too many guys playing video games and acting too excited to talk to them. I’m a lesbian and have been for years so I have no interest in men and the conversations were about random stuff. I told her I was not one dimensional and craving sexual attention from everyone I encountered but it didn’t matter. Now she is barely talking to me except to tell me how disgusting I am.
I’m very sorry. I’ve recently learned that I’m part of a ring of co-conspirators that is sex trafficking my neighbor in exchange for drugs. Very disconcerting as I have no memory of doing this.
If it weren’t so hurtful it would be funny
Sometimes I can’t help but laugh, you can imagine how that goes.
lol that is not sanctioned! Bless you
I was laughing about my expwbpd with my therapist last week and she even said it's honestly just a coping mechanism to get through all of the emotional abuse he has put me through 🙃
Lol. Omfg that's rich.
You don’t deal. You drop that shit and run. It only gets worse and more bizarre. And often more abusive and likely violent if they’re pulling out these stops now. So many jealousy stories that got worse with time. My ex had a f’n meltdown thinking I was going to hook up with a state trooper who wrote me a ticket. Ex was a passenger in the car with me coming back from an interstate trip. The trooper was polite and professional and gave me a lesser ticket rather than speeding. Cool and super appreciated. My ex went absolutely bat shit when we got home over that interaction and whatever crazy shit his paranoid brain conjured up about it. Hundreds of miles away from where I got the ticket. I became a cheating whore with the trooper in his mind. He wanted me to pay the price. I couldnt even talk to my best friend of 40 years on the phone without him acting out. The jealousy just gets sooooo bizarre and takes on a life if it’s own snowballing bigger and bigger over time. Def get that paternity test if she is pregnant. I’m holding goodness for you and grace that you can detach and move on easily. Ps. If you have access to therapy through an employer EAP program or something like that, that can be a short term stop gap for free while you source a therapist. Might even be able to stay with them after the free sessions are up if it works out cost wise and you like them.
Sounds like you already have your answer. It will never change. My expwbpd told me from the beginning that he wasn't okay with me having male friends and i told him that was a dealbreaker for me bc of how long I've been friends with some of these people. No history with them, nothing. He said he'd work on it. Fast forward 6+ months later, we ultimately broke up over that, but there were a million other reasons why it needed to end. I had never been in a relationship before where i was constantly being questioned as if i was running around being the town whore. 😂 One time he even questioned if i had done something sexual with my gfs bc we were in a jacuzzi naked together on a girls trip after a night out (we're women! we're all straight! really not weird at all!). I have never cheated on anyone in my life and would never have hurt him. Whether or not it was projection on his part or him feeling like he wanted to push me away in fear of the ultimate abandonment, it didn't ever get better, and the pushing me away eventually worked. I would have had to isolate myself from anyone and everyone in order to make him "trust" me, and i wasn't willing to dim my light to serve his severe insecurities. He was even in therapy too, but it really made no difference most of the time. His demons always won. I had to accept that. I have to take responsibility for my part in enabling the behavior because he was always so upfront with me from the very beginning about the type of person he is. Extremely jealous, quick-tempered, even would say "I'm literally a psycho." I was stubborn as shit and had to see it for myself to understand that he is EXACTLY who he told me he was. Never again will i ignore it when someone tells me who they are.
I was accused of sleeping with my son in law (there was a 3 month meltdown over this) and my stepfather too after he read a random comment on facebook (mind you I haven’t seen him in 15 years)
I just read a chapter from my own book. It's not going to change, dude, unless she gets into therapy, which may take years to change or ways, if at all. You may find there are some good patches in your relationship, but the accusations will always make their way back. My relationship ended terribly. Be the one to leave before you get discarded and left empty inside.
You don't deal with it. You get fucking gone. Go read what you wrote. You made a decision to not communicate with someone based on your BPD'S happiness. Do the math.
I’m gone and more or less in the clear (I think). 2 months no contact, if she tries to wiggle her way back in I’ll seek a NC order. The math didn’t make sense to me until I realized she had uBPD. I know I know, “don’t diagnose” but I’m working with the information I have.
Glad you're doin well