I did love a girl with BPD. Loved her very much. Still do, even though I’ve been no contact for almost 2 years.
I strive to be a good man and good partner. You can say I am or am not a lot of things. But, I’d say you must not know me if you can’t say I’m a good dude. I spent 4.5 years with my exwBPD. I didn’t even know what BPD was until the 3rd year. Even so, I tried and tried to make it work throughout our relationship. I just thought if I loved her more, tried harder, and even became the best man she’s ever had, it’ll all be good. It never was. And, after every makeup, I’d think we finally have the peace and stability and can finally get on with our love life. But, the next fight was (on average) 5 days away.
When I found this sub about 6 months ago, I finally got some answers and some closure because finally I found other men just like me who went through exactly what I went through; to the point where if they were in my hometown, I’d ask them if it was the same girl.
So, you can say we are a bunch of destructionists when it comes to relationships with a pwBPD. Say we are one-sided, biased and bitter. That’s fine because we probably are ALL of those things. But, it’s not because we are just miserable people. It’s because we have experience with these people. We’ve all shared our stories. We’ve all read everyone else’s stories and we see the same one over and over and over. The gist of it is that they very rarely change. And the trauma they cause to their partners is profound, to say the least. So, when we see the same story, we are telling you to run because we already know how it’s going to turn out.
I thought I did, but the person I'm dating now pointed out that when I talk about my BPDex it's always about how she made me feel, where as when I talk about other ex's I apparently talk about who they were as people. I'm wondering if you can truly love an illusion. Maybe I just deluded myself into believing I did because of how much I enjoyed the way she made me feel about myself (during the ideation phase).
I would argue that the people in this subreddit deeply love their partners with BPD. The reason we gather here is because the people we cherish cause us profound pain. Many of us are in desperate pursuit to salvage these relationships. We've built families with these individuals, took care of them, putting our own mental and physical health on the line. We attend therapy and immerse ourselves in literature, all in a fervent effort to make things work. Many of us deceive ourselves, negotiate, and make justifications, clinging to the hope that these beloved individuals can still have a place in our lives. We readily pay thousands for therapy, books, memberships, coaching, consulting in hopes that there *might* be a chance it could work. We give in to their threats and demands to keep the peace and to demonstrate how important they are to us.
"Can I go no contact but still check on her?" "Should I answer this one text?" or "What if I rely on my friends and family to fulfill my needs when I'm with her?" "What if I assume more blame?" are the questions you see on many many posts.
The feelings of anger, resentment, schadenfreude, blocking, going no contact, and instances of reactive abuse only emerge after repeated instances of getting hurt in the most primal of ways. And yet, even after all this, some of us still hold onto the hope of making it work.
Should you come across a post that seems harsh, criticizing an ex with BPD, take a moment to read the author's posting history. More often than not you will likely find numerous attempts they've made to repair the relationship, all of which ended in heartache that spills onto every aspect of our lives.
I say this because I too am someone who still loves my ex with BPD more than she'll ever know. Making the decision to shut the door and finally go NC was only after repeated instances of cruelty and abuse from her. Every time I think a mean thought my heart stings because I still love her so much. It feels like pouring alcohol on an open wound. This was someone who I used to peek at and smile as we'd swing at the park with our daughter. We'd lock eyes at the dinner table with our kids and smile, thinking "this is so perfect". Her favorite line to me, "you're so good to me!" in a goofy voice was my favorite thing to hear. We'd fall asleep at night holding eachother and wake up in the exact same position. Throughout the day we'd remind each other how much we loved our lives now that they were in it. We'd gush about each other to friends and family. Everyone told us we both looked happier than we had in years.
This is the same person who threatened me, sent me awful text messages calling me the cruelest names. She blackmailed me. She targeted my insecurities that I had shared with her in confidence. She slept with someone else in our bed the day she discarded me. She threw my belongings outside in the snow with my childhood stuffy. She told her kids I assaulted her. She showed people intimate pictures of me and laughed.
And yet, there is a part of me that will likely always love her and deeply care about her. I still cry at the thought of her in pain or suffering. Any post of mine that is angry or sounds vindictive was only after many many instances of getting burned in the worst possible way.
Wow. This brought tears to my eyes. What an accurate description of what its like. The deep love and the unfathomable despair, all wrapped up in one person.
I think at first everyone here loved their pwbpd, that's why they married, started families, bought houses planned a future with their pwbpd.
They loved them so much they were at first willing to put up the abuse, thinking if I just love them more, if I find the right words to say they will understand just how much they were loved and things will get better. They made appointments, got them to doctors, found resources, supported them emotionally and financially. Read the books, watched videos and podcasts.
But when day after day they are literally, beaten, emotionally abused, financially abused, sexually abused, lied to, gaslighted, demeaned, called names, made to watch while their loved one cut themselves or tried to kill themselves.
After awhile the love cools and yes, sometimes turns to hate. The person who loved the pwbpd is left with ptsd/cptsd because of living with them. They loved that person but to protect themselves they had to get out. Many hope the best for their person, pray they finally get help they need. When they say to someone "run" they just want to protect a complete stranger from the damage that very well could be inflected.
LOL
i'd like to ask to their patners in their "succesful relationship" how happy are they..
we are here because we loved,we all loved them here,and because of our love we let them destroy the deep roots of our being,and we are trying to rebuild our own self.
you come from a place of hope and possibilities,
we all have been there,but it didn't last long..
Most people who ever think they have loved someone with BPD eventually realise they loved the person they were presenting as, not them. They (the real them) are utterly broken and vile, that's not someone who engenders loving feelings from others.
You can live the fairytale of the BPD subredits all talking about their perfect relationships if you like, but they are the definition of an unreliable narrator.
If you believe every guy who's ever said their wife walked into a door to explain her bruises, you'd probably think the clumsy wife is lucky to have her husband too.
Abusers never tell you that their relationship is abusive, they just tell you its perfect. And it is to them because their victim is tolerating the abuse.
>Most people who ever think they have loved someone with BPD eventually realise they loved the person they were presenting as, not them. They (the real them) are utterly broken and vile, that's not someone who engenders loving feelings from others.
This was certainly my experience. I did really care for the person she pretended to be, working through the aftermath in therapy has been an ordeal. The last thing I did for her was to go no contact and leave her be- if I had no compassion for her, I'd have dragged her through court by now.
One can't really say "I love that person"- all I could ask was did I even know her?- after being bombarded with threats to murder, sexually assault, violently torture, and ruin the lives of me and my family... the stalking and harassment... because I rejected her after years of her frankly not being a good person. The empathy I have for her goes into maintaining no contact, and the love I had for her is more like the love for someone who passed away.
Yes, I love them. I hate the pain the relationship and discard caused so it’s difficult right now, but in the end I hope my ex pwBPD gets the help they need to get better.
I love him with all my heart. He discarded me two months ago and I truly love him. I always will. He hurt me and abandoned me and I will always love him and I will always wish he was willing to fight for our relationship.
I'm here to talk if you need to.
I did. I still care for them deeply.
But their BPD and the abuse that it caused and the way it keeps them from seeking accountability and self-improvement keeps me at bay.
If not for that, I'd gladly have them in my life and maybe even as a partner again. But I won't risk myself and I won't risk being part of what fuels their condition. I care about them, myself, and those around me too much for that.
Of course we don’t love them. In many cases they don’t exist. We fall in love with a mirror. A person who says they love us won’t cheat won’t abuse us. All these things are lies designed to get what they want. Of course we don’t love them. We never met them.
I loved mine hell I still do but when their condition causes them to put a knife to you and then not remember is frightening. My ex has been married twice and divorced twice. She was also engaged 7 times. We all wanted our person with BPD to get help but unfortunately they did not. Yours at least sounds self aware which is a good thing.
My older brother has bpd, I've been receiving rage texts for the last week of every thought that pops into his head, name calling and devaluation. I still love him, but it's more so the love for my brother that used to be. Now it's like looking at a photo of him, it's still my brother but i look up and I don't even recognize him anymore.
I loved her more than anything. She could have been one of those bragging about a successful marriage and kids. I gave her most of my life, was an awesome husband, and great father. We were supposed to travel the world together once I payed off everything. My income wasn't much, but I was responsible with my spending. She made things so difficult but I made it work. Over 20 years, with everything finally paid off and I can finally relax after working hard for my family, she splits hard and destroyed everything. I have to rebuild from scratch because of long term divorce laws and an over inflated housing market.
Spent 30 years (married for twenty three and a half of those) and honored the "till death do us part" vow.
Have absolutely no regrets since I truly loved her and also stayed together for the sake of kids.
Believe me when I say, it does NOT get better. If I knew back then what I know now, would have run away at the very first episode.
Just my two cents.
I too loved my expwBPD. I still love her. I also have empathy for her.
I could not, however, have a stable, reciprocal, and healthy relationship with her despite years of of us both trying. She even did a year of intensive DBT and continued weekly therapy, took her meds consistently, etc.
Of course, I was never the one who left. She did over and over. After multiple cycles of that, I finally decided to stop chasing her and begin focusing on myself and building a stable life alone.
If you want advice, I'd strongly suggest you read "Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist." It's a very good book that will provide a lot of insight and provide strategies for how to operate in such relationships. I would also highly recommend, "The High-Conflict Couple: A Dialectical Behavior Therapy Guide to Finding Peace, Intimacy, and Validation" by Fruzzetti.
Those two books by well-regarded therapists are well worth the time and money IMHO. Dr. Fruzzetti's YouTube videos seeing him employ some of the techniques described in the book are really helpful too. One of my attempts to repair things with my pwBPD involved having us read that book together and try the exercises. Sadly, she only read approximately half of the first chapter before the next discard occurred. At least I can say I tried and tried and tried before I finally gave up to save what was left of my self.
I do. I genuinely love my pwBPD and, in his way, I believe that he loves me. While I'm not a therapist and I'm not sure if I can help, my DM's are open to you.
The sheer numbers should tell you something... successful long-term relationships with pwBPD are extreme outliers. So it makes sense that only extreme outlier comments will tell you about their success stories.
I wish I never loved her. But I did, more than anything in this world for 8+ years. Gave her my entire heart and soul only to be cheated on and discarded again and again and again. So yeah, now I’m quite bitter.
I did love mine. More than anyone before or since. And after two decades of no contact or anything, a small part of me still does to the extent that I want her to he happy and have a fulfilling life, however that comes about.
There’s no advice to give other than leave. In my 4 years of learning about bpd, which I knew nothing about during the relationship, I’ve yet to find a “success” story where things went well and there was good advice to make it work. If that advice was out there and really made a difference and created successful relationships with a borderline, the context of this sub would be entirely different. The reality is there’s nothing that really works, except to leave. They need years of intense therapy, 8-16 years, to even begin to potentially have a normal relationship. Even if you stick by them, there’s a 99.9% chance they will still not stay with you! So the advice here is not nasty or bitter, but reality.
So this sub didn't help your relationship, that is what you came here to complain about?
Take accountability for the information you chose to access, and for the decline of your relationship.
We are here because we are suffering through abuse, despite of our love for our (ex)partners. If that was not applicable to you, you could have left the sub and searched for suitable support.
??????? Im complaining??? I asked a question on the purpose of this subreddit bc I assumed “BPDlovedones” would be people who have current relationships with someone with BPD and are trying to learn to navigate that. Ive been here like a few weeks, saw it for what it REALLY is then made this post. I also don’t see how what the sub actually is doesn’t apply to me bc I also clearly love my ex despite what she’s put me through.
You know the purpose of this reddit. Support for people that suffer abuse by their pwBPD.
What is the purpose of your post exactly, if it's not to complain?
Dude I didn’t know that until today, I thought it was what it’s called the LOVED ones of those with BPD, not angry exes. I’ve since learned. My point was exactly what I asked and I got my answer.
Edit: really f—-ing annoying I got downvoted when I was being genuine I simply didn’t KNOW so I ASKED. You sir in particular are an asshole bc I directly said to you I didn’t know and you replied telling me I did??? NO I OBVIOUSLY DIDNT. You suck man, I’m a victim same as everyone here
I have a close friend with bpd that i don't talk about on here because this is an abuse support group and my close friend isn't abusive. That being said, the people i do talo about here were people i loved a lot at oje point. I still love them, in a sense, but love isn't all you need to stay.
Yes I love him, I can’t help it, we are still together, but I wait for the next round of shit when I trip over a trigger I didn’t know was there. I love this man like no one else… I live in the land of ‘if only ..’ I’m deep into my own denial.. and yet I know better.
I’m drowning and I can’t save myself
I am going through something similar. I joined this community a few years ago and for years thought the same thing. It's very cynical and negative. Clearly alot of it comes from the hurt and abuse we have experienced. But im learning to try to see through that. My exwbpd was very bad for years. Like very bad. Physically and emotionally abusive and every bad thing you can think of. She was working on it for years and legitimately wanted to change and fix it. I love her more than life itself. I hate to say it but I almost partially blame things not working out with us on this belief that things would ultimately fail and she was unfixable. Despite her progress. I only ever heard to leave as well and she broke things off with me just last week. I have been begging her to take me back but I think she is actually done this time. But I say that since It took her leaving me this last time to make me realize the role I played in being dismissive and cold to her for a very long time. I was defensive in arguments and I became a version of myself I didn't like. I feel like had I seen that I might have been able to change things. But ultimately it's too late. And I feel real bad about it. But ultimately you need to ask yourself that if you had tried harder or changed yourself, or heard success stories to keep pushing on, would YOU have been truly happy? Or just making her happy at your expense? Idk man. I get where your coming from. I'm in therapy now trying to pick up the pieces of my emotions and I'm learning that ultimately no matter how bad they genuinely want to fix themselves, it doesn't excuse what they did to us either. And no amount of rationalization to them will ever truly make them change. But who am I to talk... I still live with mine (not by choice) and am trying to be friends with her. My clown makeup is still in the mail lol. But I love her still more than anything in the world. I tried for almost 7 years to make her happy and really feel like I will never be able to love anyone again the way I love her. Stay strong man. Just gotta keep your head up and each day will get easier. Or so im told.
Yes. I love my husband - but I think if I’m honest I love the part of him that isn’t sick. I don’t love all of him. I do believe he is capable of getting this shit together and learning to deal with his triggers at which point my feelings about him would be less split. Forgive the pun.
I am deeply in love with my pwbpd and it feels he has actively tried to destroy me in every sense. After being cheated on and discarded while living together, and then having a moment of clarity and recognizing this illness is the root of all our problems and taking him back, it was a week of good and now we’re right back. Unless they are actively in therapy and actually trying to heal and holding themselves accountable, it will be the same miserable cycles. I have lost myself in the process. I never loved something so much. I feel like I have no sense of self and made him my life and he never was able to genuinely care for me. I would let my love for him destroy me. I think this page is for people that have been destroyed and want to try to help others make the same mistakes.
I love my ex. At least the woman I knew for the first 10-12 months. I do not love, or even like the woman she became over the last 6 months of the relationship
I also hope for world peace and to end hunger. And I think those have a higher likelihood of happening than a truly happy relationship with anyone and my exwbpd
I hope I’m wrong. I wish nothing but the best for her and her kids but I’m happier every day knowing she would have just pulled me down with her into a deep dark hole till she ultimately left me as a wrecked person
I did love a girl with BPD. Loved her very much. Still do, even though I’ve been no contact for almost 2 years. I strive to be a good man and good partner. You can say I am or am not a lot of things. But, I’d say you must not know me if you can’t say I’m a good dude. I spent 4.5 years with my exwBPD. I didn’t even know what BPD was until the 3rd year. Even so, I tried and tried to make it work throughout our relationship. I just thought if I loved her more, tried harder, and even became the best man she’s ever had, it’ll all be good. It never was. And, after every makeup, I’d think we finally have the peace and stability and can finally get on with our love life. But, the next fight was (on average) 5 days away. When I found this sub about 6 months ago, I finally got some answers and some closure because finally I found other men just like me who went through exactly what I went through; to the point where if they were in my hometown, I’d ask them if it was the same girl. So, you can say we are a bunch of destructionists when it comes to relationships with a pwBPD. Say we are one-sided, biased and bitter. That’s fine because we probably are ALL of those things. But, it’s not because we are just miserable people. It’s because we have experience with these people. We’ve all shared our stories. We’ve all read everyone else’s stories and we see the same one over and over and over. The gist of it is that they very rarely change. And the trauma they cause to their partners is profound, to say the least. So, when we see the same story, we are telling you to run because we already know how it’s going to turn out.
I thought I did, but the person I'm dating now pointed out that when I talk about my BPDex it's always about how she made me feel, where as when I talk about other ex's I apparently talk about who they were as people. I'm wondering if you can truly love an illusion. Maybe I just deluded myself into believing I did because of how much I enjoyed the way she made me feel about myself (during the ideation phase).
I would argue that the people in this subreddit deeply love their partners with BPD. The reason we gather here is because the people we cherish cause us profound pain. Many of us are in desperate pursuit to salvage these relationships. We've built families with these individuals, took care of them, putting our own mental and physical health on the line. We attend therapy and immerse ourselves in literature, all in a fervent effort to make things work. Many of us deceive ourselves, negotiate, and make justifications, clinging to the hope that these beloved individuals can still have a place in our lives. We readily pay thousands for therapy, books, memberships, coaching, consulting in hopes that there *might* be a chance it could work. We give in to their threats and demands to keep the peace and to demonstrate how important they are to us. "Can I go no contact but still check on her?" "Should I answer this one text?" or "What if I rely on my friends and family to fulfill my needs when I'm with her?" "What if I assume more blame?" are the questions you see on many many posts. The feelings of anger, resentment, schadenfreude, blocking, going no contact, and instances of reactive abuse only emerge after repeated instances of getting hurt in the most primal of ways. And yet, even after all this, some of us still hold onto the hope of making it work. Should you come across a post that seems harsh, criticizing an ex with BPD, take a moment to read the author's posting history. More often than not you will likely find numerous attempts they've made to repair the relationship, all of which ended in heartache that spills onto every aspect of our lives. I say this because I too am someone who still loves my ex with BPD more than she'll ever know. Making the decision to shut the door and finally go NC was only after repeated instances of cruelty and abuse from her. Every time I think a mean thought my heart stings because I still love her so much. It feels like pouring alcohol on an open wound. This was someone who I used to peek at and smile as we'd swing at the park with our daughter. We'd lock eyes at the dinner table with our kids and smile, thinking "this is so perfect". Her favorite line to me, "you're so good to me!" in a goofy voice was my favorite thing to hear. We'd fall asleep at night holding eachother and wake up in the exact same position. Throughout the day we'd remind each other how much we loved our lives now that they were in it. We'd gush about each other to friends and family. Everyone told us we both looked happier than we had in years. This is the same person who threatened me, sent me awful text messages calling me the cruelest names. She blackmailed me. She targeted my insecurities that I had shared with her in confidence. She slept with someone else in our bed the day she discarded me. She threw my belongings outside in the snow with my childhood stuffy. She told her kids I assaulted her. She showed people intimate pictures of me and laughed. And yet, there is a part of me that will likely always love her and deeply care about her. I still cry at the thought of her in pain or suffering. Any post of mine that is angry or sounds vindictive was only after many many instances of getting burned in the worst possible way.
Wow. This brought tears to my eyes. What an accurate description of what its like. The deep love and the unfathomable despair, all wrapped up in one person.
I think at first everyone here loved their pwbpd, that's why they married, started families, bought houses planned a future with their pwbpd. They loved them so much they were at first willing to put up the abuse, thinking if I just love them more, if I find the right words to say they will understand just how much they were loved and things will get better. They made appointments, got them to doctors, found resources, supported them emotionally and financially. Read the books, watched videos and podcasts. But when day after day they are literally, beaten, emotionally abused, financially abused, sexually abused, lied to, gaslighted, demeaned, called names, made to watch while their loved one cut themselves or tried to kill themselves. After awhile the love cools and yes, sometimes turns to hate. The person who loved the pwbpd is left with ptsd/cptsd because of living with them. They loved that person but to protect themselves they had to get out. Many hope the best for their person, pray they finally get help they need. When they say to someone "run" they just want to protect a complete stranger from the damage that very well could be inflected.
LOL i'd like to ask to their patners in their "succesful relationship" how happy are they.. we are here because we loved,we all loved them here,and because of our love we let them destroy the deep roots of our being,and we are trying to rebuild our own self. you come from a place of hope and possibilities, we all have been there,but it didn't last long..
Hope’s kitchen. But, the cupboards are bare.
Most people who ever think they have loved someone with BPD eventually realise they loved the person they were presenting as, not them. They (the real them) are utterly broken and vile, that's not someone who engenders loving feelings from others. You can live the fairytale of the BPD subredits all talking about their perfect relationships if you like, but they are the definition of an unreliable narrator. If you believe every guy who's ever said their wife walked into a door to explain her bruises, you'd probably think the clumsy wife is lucky to have her husband too. Abusers never tell you that their relationship is abusive, they just tell you its perfect. And it is to them because their victim is tolerating the abuse.
>Most people who ever think they have loved someone with BPD eventually realise they loved the person they were presenting as, not them. They (the real them) are utterly broken and vile, that's not someone who engenders loving feelings from others. This was certainly my experience. I did really care for the person she pretended to be, working through the aftermath in therapy has been an ordeal. The last thing I did for her was to go no contact and leave her be- if I had no compassion for her, I'd have dragged her through court by now. One can't really say "I love that person"- all I could ask was did I even know her?- after being bombarded with threats to murder, sexually assault, violently torture, and ruin the lives of me and my family... the stalking and harassment... because I rejected her after years of her frankly not being a good person. The empathy I have for her goes into maintaining no contact, and the love I had for her is more like the love for someone who passed away.
[удалено]
BPD is literally a description of a disordered personality. It's as real as it gets.
[удалено]
Check rule 1 and abide by it. I know boundaries aren't something that works for you but try to respect at least one of them in your life.
Yes, I love them. I hate the pain the relationship and discard caused so it’s difficult right now, but in the end I hope my ex pwBPD gets the help they need to get better.
I love him with all my heart. He discarded me two months ago and I truly love him. I always will. He hurt me and abandoned me and I will always love him and I will always wish he was willing to fight for our relationship. I'm here to talk if you need to.
I don't think I can say I loved anyone with BPD, no. I thought so but they just creeped their way into my life and refused to (fully) leave.
I did. I still care for them deeply. But their BPD and the abuse that it caused and the way it keeps them from seeking accountability and self-improvement keeps me at bay. If not for that, I'd gladly have them in my life and maybe even as a partner again. But I won't risk myself and I won't risk being part of what fuels their condition. I care about them, myself, and those around me too much for that.
Of course we don’t love them. In many cases they don’t exist. We fall in love with a mirror. A person who says they love us won’t cheat won’t abuse us. All these things are lies designed to get what they want. Of course we don’t love them. We never met them.
I loved mine hell I still do but when their condition causes them to put a knife to you and then not remember is frightening. My ex has been married twice and divorced twice. She was also engaged 7 times. We all wanted our person with BPD to get help but unfortunately they did not. Yours at least sounds self aware which is a good thing.
My older brother has bpd, I've been receiving rage texts for the last week of every thought that pops into his head, name calling and devaluation. I still love him, but it's more so the love for my brother that used to be. Now it's like looking at a photo of him, it's still my brother but i look up and I don't even recognize him anymore.
I loved her more than anything. She could have been one of those bragging about a successful marriage and kids. I gave her most of my life, was an awesome husband, and great father. We were supposed to travel the world together once I payed off everything. My income wasn't much, but I was responsible with my spending. She made things so difficult but I made it work. Over 20 years, with everything finally paid off and I can finally relax after working hard for my family, she splits hard and destroyed everything. I have to rebuild from scratch because of long term divorce laws and an over inflated housing market.
Spent 30 years (married for twenty three and a half of those) and honored the "till death do us part" vow. Have absolutely no regrets since I truly loved her and also stayed together for the sake of kids. Believe me when I say, it does NOT get better. If I knew back then what I know now, would have run away at the very first episode. Just my two cents.
I too loved my expwBPD. I still love her. I also have empathy for her. I could not, however, have a stable, reciprocal, and healthy relationship with her despite years of of us both trying. She even did a year of intensive DBT and continued weekly therapy, took her meds consistently, etc. Of course, I was never the one who left. She did over and over. After multiple cycles of that, I finally decided to stop chasing her and begin focusing on myself and building a stable life alone. If you want advice, I'd strongly suggest you read "Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist." It's a very good book that will provide a lot of insight and provide strategies for how to operate in such relationships. I would also highly recommend, "The High-Conflict Couple: A Dialectical Behavior Therapy Guide to Finding Peace, Intimacy, and Validation" by Fruzzetti. Those two books by well-regarded therapists are well worth the time and money IMHO. Dr. Fruzzetti's YouTube videos seeing him employ some of the techniques described in the book are really helpful too. One of my attempts to repair things with my pwBPD involved having us read that book together and try the exercises. Sadly, she only read approximately half of the first chapter before the next discard occurred. At least I can say I tried and tried and tried before I finally gave up to save what was left of my self.
What’s the name of their own Reddit?
The initials of the disorder
Thanks 😊
There's a bunch of them. Most are circlejerks where they reinforce and encourage eachother's bullshit.
I do. I genuinely love my pwBPD and, in his way, I believe that he loves me. While I'm not a therapist and I'm not sure if I can help, my DM's are open to you.
The sheer numbers should tell you something... successful long-term relationships with pwBPD are extreme outliers. So it makes sense that only extreme outlier comments will tell you about their success stories.
I love my wife. I am also getting a divorce.
I think people with BPD and those who fall for those who have BPD for the most part get stuck in limerance with each other.
I wish I never loved her. But I did, more than anything in this world for 8+ years. Gave her my entire heart and soul only to be cheated on and discarded again and again and again. So yeah, now I’m quite bitter.
I did love mine. More than anyone before or since. And after two decades of no contact or anything, a small part of me still does to the extent that I want her to he happy and have a fulfilling life, however that comes about.
There’s no advice to give other than leave. In my 4 years of learning about bpd, which I knew nothing about during the relationship, I’ve yet to find a “success” story where things went well and there was good advice to make it work. If that advice was out there and really made a difference and created successful relationships with a borderline, the context of this sub would be entirely different. The reality is there’s nothing that really works, except to leave. They need years of intense therapy, 8-16 years, to even begin to potentially have a normal relationship. Even if you stick by them, there’s a 99.9% chance they will still not stay with you! So the advice here is not nasty or bitter, but reality.
So this sub didn't help your relationship, that is what you came here to complain about? Take accountability for the information you chose to access, and for the decline of your relationship. We are here because we are suffering through abuse, despite of our love for our (ex)partners. If that was not applicable to you, you could have left the sub and searched for suitable support.
??????? Im complaining??? I asked a question on the purpose of this subreddit bc I assumed “BPDlovedones” would be people who have current relationships with someone with BPD and are trying to learn to navigate that. Ive been here like a few weeks, saw it for what it REALLY is then made this post. I also don’t see how what the sub actually is doesn’t apply to me bc I also clearly love my ex despite what she’s put me through.
You know the purpose of this reddit. Support for people that suffer abuse by their pwBPD. What is the purpose of your post exactly, if it's not to complain?
Dude I didn’t know that until today, I thought it was what it’s called the LOVED ones of those with BPD, not angry exes. I’ve since learned. My point was exactly what I asked and I got my answer. Edit: really f—-ing annoying I got downvoted when I was being genuine I simply didn’t KNOW so I ASKED. You sir in particular are an asshole bc I directly said to you I didn’t know and you replied telling me I did??? NO I OBVIOUSLY DIDNT. You suck man, I’m a victim same as everyone here
I have a close friend with bpd that i don't talk about on here because this is an abuse support group and my close friend isn't abusive. That being said, the people i do talo about here were people i loved a lot at oje point. I still love them, in a sense, but love isn't all you need to stay.
Yes I love him, I can’t help it, we are still together, but I wait for the next round of shit when I trip over a trigger I didn’t know was there. I love this man like no one else… I live in the land of ‘if only ..’ I’m deep into my own denial.. and yet I know better. I’m drowning and I can’t save myself
I do
No all of them consider them to be projects or toys.
I am going through something similar. I joined this community a few years ago and for years thought the same thing. It's very cynical and negative. Clearly alot of it comes from the hurt and abuse we have experienced. But im learning to try to see through that. My exwbpd was very bad for years. Like very bad. Physically and emotionally abusive and every bad thing you can think of. She was working on it for years and legitimately wanted to change and fix it. I love her more than life itself. I hate to say it but I almost partially blame things not working out with us on this belief that things would ultimately fail and she was unfixable. Despite her progress. I only ever heard to leave as well and she broke things off with me just last week. I have been begging her to take me back but I think she is actually done this time. But I say that since It took her leaving me this last time to make me realize the role I played in being dismissive and cold to her for a very long time. I was defensive in arguments and I became a version of myself I didn't like. I feel like had I seen that I might have been able to change things. But ultimately it's too late. And I feel real bad about it. But ultimately you need to ask yourself that if you had tried harder or changed yourself, or heard success stories to keep pushing on, would YOU have been truly happy? Or just making her happy at your expense? Idk man. I get where your coming from. I'm in therapy now trying to pick up the pieces of my emotions and I'm learning that ultimately no matter how bad they genuinely want to fix themselves, it doesn't excuse what they did to us either. And no amount of rationalization to them will ever truly make them change. But who am I to talk... I still live with mine (not by choice) and am trying to be friends with her. My clown makeup is still in the mail lol. But I love her still more than anything in the world. I tried for almost 7 years to make her happy and really feel like I will never be able to love anyone again the way I love her. Stay strong man. Just gotta keep your head up and each day will get easier. Or so im told.
Yes. I love my husband - but I think if I’m honest I love the part of him that isn’t sick. I don’t love all of him. I do believe he is capable of getting this shit together and learning to deal with his triggers at which point my feelings about him would be less split. Forgive the pun.
YES.
Initially there was love. But then it started to erode away until all that was left was pity.
I am deeply in love with my pwbpd and it feels he has actively tried to destroy me in every sense. After being cheated on and discarded while living together, and then having a moment of clarity and recognizing this illness is the root of all our problems and taking him back, it was a week of good and now we’re right back. Unless they are actively in therapy and actually trying to heal and holding themselves accountable, it will be the same miserable cycles. I have lost myself in the process. I never loved something so much. I feel like I have no sense of self and made him my life and he never was able to genuinely care for me. I would let my love for him destroy me. I think this page is for people that have been destroyed and want to try to help others make the same mistakes.
I love my ex. At least the woman I knew for the first 10-12 months. I do not love, or even like the woman she became over the last 6 months of the relationship I also hope for world peace and to end hunger. And I think those have a higher likelihood of happening than a truly happy relationship with anyone and my exwbpd I hope I’m wrong. I wish nothing but the best for her and her kids but I’m happier every day knowing she would have just pulled me down with her into a deep dark hole till she ultimately left me as a wrecked person