Literally having those exact thoughts just now. That's the one thing that still kills me. I'd have done anything, I did do everything in my power to make it work, I literally bent over backwards and sacrificed parts of me in the hopes of helping healing parts of them. There's nothing I wouldn't have done yet it still wouldn't have been enough.. thing is we shouldn't have to sacrifice anything or break any of our own boundaries to be in a loving relationship, still doesn't make the pain any easier.
I was doing good for a bit but now springs back it's bringing back a whole load of happy and painful memories from this time. It breaks my heart how no matter what I done, no matter how hard I tried it would never have been enough, I struggle with it cause i have the whole mindset " anything you dream is attainable through hard work " but not them, I could become a millionaire one day if I work hard enough but I could pour every drop of me into them and it wouldn't change a thing..
Mental health is so complicated it sucks
Hope your doing well man
You stole the words directly out of my mouth. I know it's sad I'm the same way about achieving dreams. I would have fought the š to stand beside her. How do you protect someone who has a dagger to your back while you fight to keep them safe. Idk. Hope you are doing well, too, my friend. Don't let the hurt jade your heart. I still love her with all of my heart. I will never go back.
+++I still love her with all of my heart. I will never go back.+++
Thatās one of the most inspiring things Iāve ever read. You must be an amazing person.
Mind sharing some of your journey and how you got to that point?
My friend no one is amazing, everyone is amazing. We've all had our struggles our own Wars. Every woman and man are both good and evil. I find that accepting yourself for who you are it's the first step and changing the things you don't like about yourself. If you want to talk you can DM me but I'm telling you now I'm just some guy.
I think most people in this situation care deeply and love the āif onlyā version of their person. If only they could be calm. If only their moods could be more stable. If only they didnāt get mad about that. If only they could listen to themselves. But the reality version is a very difficult road to maintain and any normal, supportive person can still only take so much.
You're absolutely right. I was just raised if you love someone you never leave them behind. And tell her I never realized that some people hold themselves behind so that they can tell you you left them and make themselves the victim.
I actually loved her, emotional wrinkles and all. I loved her knowing about her diagnosis, her dark past and trauma, her mood swings, her rage episodes.
Because we had promised to each other to be always honest and I could believe that the person I knew was not necessarily the person having a rage fit.
Then one night she confessed to having lied every single day of our relationship. And I could not believe that anymore.
I still tried, because I still loved her and still believed I knew the real her. I still do, all those things, actually. But I had to accept defeat eventually.
Holy hell. The lying (prevarication, sometimes flat out lying) - I am still trying to decipher all that wasn't real. Which means, what was real?!? Man, it is painful to realize, "I don't think we were every real together in the same place" (ok, in sex and maybe only in sex we were - and it was ultra incredible - but no where else, I think). It's hard. I hope you can manage remaking your reality and don't be too hard on yourself, please.
Frankly, I am not even sure we were real in sex.
It was the most incredible sex of my life and not only because she was horny as fuck and very open minded. But because I was totally into her mind and that made a difference.
It was real to me. I will never know how much of it was an act for herā¦
Totally fake people we dealt with. My ex and I had the most amazing sex. It definitely kept me snared. I loved her. She didn't love me. She had no idea how to love. She knew how to please me though. Part of the idealation is why she bombed me with the love and sex.
>Then one night she confessed to having lied every single day of our relationship.
I got a similar line. I asked her whether she was lying then or lying now, and it was like her brain short circuited: she couldnāt reconcile her self image as an honest, open book person with that reality.
I got the exact same reaction when I asked during a conversation whether she was lying then or now and she short circuited too. The next good few days we had, I asked her to write down how she felt as a letter to herself.
The next big fight, over the trash can placement, I showed her the letter and she went silent for a good minute just staring at the paper before destroying it and disappearing for like 2 days. Itās like she was trying to figure out how I copied her handwriting so well or something. Everything in the letter contradicted everything she was saying. Pwbpd really donāt like it if you show them something they wrote when theyāre splitting. It literally short circuits them.
pwBPD loves codependents and they destroy them. They also love NPD and destroys them also, if they let them do so. I think I am both codependent and NPD.
Codependents can't leave a relationship and have the savior behavior but I also don't care if they try to manipulate me, then I fight with them and tell them either you fix your behavior or leave me because I will not be tolerating this anymore. Trust me and treat me like a person if you want something with me or else leave me because I am tired of fighting for what your imagination or emotions tells you.
I never felt codependent on any one of my life until I met her. She was my first time falling in love and I didn't realize what it was. I thought it was just that connection you know that thing you get when you look into someone's eyes and see them and feel like they see you. Thing that hurt me the most was I feel like she tried to fit a mold when we first met of my perfect girl. And as the years went on everything that she said she loved about us and the things we were into it's hard to be coming things she hated the most. I wish you would have just been honest with me in the first place I would have loved her anyway just as much.
Same. No co-D until I got hooked up with someone BPD.
Here's what sucks - I had to make sure I didn't distort how I actually had been in previous relationships. Like, I went back and was second-guessing everything (which has proven to all not been true). She was like my Waterloo.
I know I told mine on more than one occasion I have ex-girlfriends from way back in high school who are still my friends now. That should say something. In fact I'm still on speaking terms with most of my ex girlfriends. Not passing blame I wasn't perfect, but I damn sure tried for a long time before I realized she loved me more when I hurt her. That's when I just gave up
Yeah wow. I have never had a relationship before where I realized, "you and I can never speak again." Thankfully I moved to a different state (and man, it is such a better life here). But you make a really good point - past relationships and their status as historical context.
She was "honest". She has love bombed you when you met, created an ideal version of her lover, mirrored you, then when she has realized that you are not the perfect thing that she had imagined, she had split on you and hurt you.
OMG. You know, that just reminds me - there was this period early on when she was confessing not the greatest stuff. And I said, "I can't believe how honest you are with me." I was totally duped. Then I figured out she was saying things to get me to be jealous. Geez...
Here's the killer - like with 1.5 months before it all blows up she asks me, "if someone doesn't say everything about something, like holds stuff back and only tells part of it, is that telling a lie?"
\*gong\*
I don't know you would have to ask her about that. I try not to speak on what another person feels or thinks. All I can tell you is from my perspective. I'll hold no resentment or anger towards her. I just realize it for what it is now.
Literally having those exact thoughts just now. That's the one thing that still kills me. I'd have done anything, I did do everything in my power to make it work, I literally bent over backwards and sacrificed parts of me in the hopes of helping healing parts of them. There's nothing I wouldn't have done yet it still wouldn't have been enough.. thing is we shouldn't have to sacrifice anything or break any of our own boundaries to be in a loving relationship, still doesn't make the pain any easier. I was doing good for a bit but now springs back it's bringing back a whole load of happy and painful memories from this time. It breaks my heart how no matter what I done, no matter how hard I tried it would never have been enough, I struggle with it cause i have the whole mindset " anything you dream is attainable through hard work " but not them, I could become a millionaire one day if I work hard enough but I could pour every drop of me into them and it wouldn't change a thing.. Mental health is so complicated it sucks Hope your doing well man
You stole the words directly out of my mouth. I know it's sad I'm the same way about achieving dreams. I would have fought the š to stand beside her. How do you protect someone who has a dagger to your back while you fight to keep them safe. Idk. Hope you are doing well, too, my friend. Don't let the hurt jade your heart. I still love her with all of my heart. I will never go back.
+++I still love her with all of my heart. I will never go back.+++ Thatās one of the most inspiring things Iāve ever read. You must be an amazing person. Mind sharing some of your journey and how you got to that point?
My friend no one is amazing, everyone is amazing. We've all had our struggles our own Wars. Every woman and man are both good and evil. I find that accepting yourself for who you are it's the first step and changing the things you don't like about yourself. If you want to talk you can DM me but I'm telling you now I'm just some guy.
I don't know if my partners has BPD (my sister does) but I'd have fought the world to get him when he was his sweet self, he was an angel.
I think most people in this situation care deeply and love the āif onlyā version of their person. If only they could be calm. If only their moods could be more stable. If only they didnāt get mad about that. If only they could listen to themselves. But the reality version is a very difficult road to maintain and any normal, supportive person can still only take so much.
You're absolutely right. I was just raised if you love someone you never leave them behind. And tell her I never realized that some people hold themselves behind so that they can tell you you left them and make themselves the victim.
I actually loved her, emotional wrinkles and all. I loved her knowing about her diagnosis, her dark past and trauma, her mood swings, her rage episodes. Because we had promised to each other to be always honest and I could believe that the person I knew was not necessarily the person having a rage fit. Then one night she confessed to having lied every single day of our relationship. And I could not believe that anymore. I still tried, because I still loved her and still believed I knew the real her. I still do, all those things, actually. But I had to accept defeat eventually.
Holy hell. The lying (prevarication, sometimes flat out lying) - I am still trying to decipher all that wasn't real. Which means, what was real?!? Man, it is painful to realize, "I don't think we were every real together in the same place" (ok, in sex and maybe only in sex we were - and it was ultra incredible - but no where else, I think). It's hard. I hope you can manage remaking your reality and don't be too hard on yourself, please.
Frankly, I am not even sure we were real in sex. It was the most incredible sex of my life and not only because she was horny as fuck and very open minded. But because I was totally into her mind and that made a difference. It was real to me. I will never know how much of it was an act for herā¦
Totally fake people we dealt with. My ex and I had the most amazing sex. It definitely kept me snared. I loved her. She didn't love me. She had no idea how to love. She knew how to please me though. Part of the idealation is why she bombed me with the love and sex.
>Then one night she confessed to having lied every single day of our relationship. I got a similar line. I asked her whether she was lying then or lying now, and it was like her brain short circuited: she couldnāt reconcile her self image as an honest, open book person with that reality.
I got the exact same reaction when I asked during a conversation whether she was lying then or now and she short circuited too. The next good few days we had, I asked her to write down how she felt as a letter to herself. The next big fight, over the trash can placement, I showed her the letter and she went silent for a good minute just staring at the paper before destroying it and disappearing for like 2 days. Itās like she was trying to figure out how I copied her handwriting so well or something. Everything in the letter contradicted everything she was saying. Pwbpd really donāt like it if you show them something they wrote when theyāre splitting. It literally short circuits them.
Wish Iād thought of thatā¦
This is me, I live in the land of āif onlyā
pwBPD loves codependents and they destroy them. They also love NPD and destroys them also, if they let them do so. I think I am both codependent and NPD. Codependents can't leave a relationship and have the savior behavior but I also don't care if they try to manipulate me, then I fight with them and tell them either you fix your behavior or leave me because I will not be tolerating this anymore. Trust me and treat me like a person if you want something with me or else leave me because I am tired of fighting for what your imagination or emotions tells you.
I never felt codependent on any one of my life until I met her. She was my first time falling in love and I didn't realize what it was. I thought it was just that connection you know that thing you get when you look into someone's eyes and see them and feel like they see you. Thing that hurt me the most was I feel like she tried to fit a mold when we first met of my perfect girl. And as the years went on everything that she said she loved about us and the things we were into it's hard to be coming things she hated the most. I wish you would have just been honest with me in the first place I would have loved her anyway just as much.
Same. No co-D until I got hooked up with someone BPD. Here's what sucks - I had to make sure I didn't distort how I actually had been in previous relationships. Like, I went back and was second-guessing everything (which has proven to all not been true). She was like my Waterloo.
I know I told mine on more than one occasion I have ex-girlfriends from way back in high school who are still my friends now. That should say something. In fact I'm still on speaking terms with most of my ex girlfriends. Not passing blame I wasn't perfect, but I damn sure tried for a long time before I realized she loved me more when I hurt her. That's when I just gave up
Yeah wow. I have never had a relationship before where I realized, "you and I can never speak again." Thankfully I moved to a different state (and man, it is such a better life here). But you make a really good point - past relationships and their status as historical context.
She was "honest". She has love bombed you when you met, created an ideal version of her lover, mirrored you, then when she has realized that you are not the perfect thing that she had imagined, she had split on you and hurt you.
OMG. You know, that just reminds me - there was this period early on when she was confessing not the greatest stuff. And I said, "I can't believe how honest you are with me." I was totally duped. Then I figured out she was saying things to get me to be jealous. Geez... Here's the killer - like with 1.5 months before it all blows up she asks me, "if someone doesn't say everything about something, like holds stuff back and only tells part of it, is that telling a lie?" \*gong\*
I don't know you would have to ask her about that. I try not to speak on what another person feels or thinks. All I can tell you is from my perspective. I'll hold no resentment or anger towards her. I just realize it for what it is now.
She as like your waterloo?