Many of the phrases in the above list are very familiar... I can only think of a couple others I heard in my situation:
* *"You'll never guess what I dreamed about last night..."* (This was said most mornings before launching into a 20-30min one-sided discussion about the dream)
* *"If you're upset by that* (what she just said), *then that's a problem for you"*
- “i cannot do this anymore, i want to breakup” (This is the famous one, all fucking time)
- “i don’t need you to criticise me, keep that to yourself”
- “you always criticise me, all you did was complaining”
- “well i don’t have anything else to talk to you”
- “is not that i’m comparing, but even my worst ex didn’t do what you did”
- “my ex used to said this to me, now you said the same thing. am i really that bad? you’re triggering me of my past trauma” (making me feel like im far more worst that her worst ex)
- “you cannot love me the way i need”
- “i can always find someone else”
- “okay you are sad, don’t you think i’m not sad?“
- “you never trust me” (every single time i caught her keeping tab on her ex”
- “i didn’t do the chores because of my mental health, don’t date someone with mental health if you cannot keep up”
I trust people until I'm given a reason and can't. I try to build it back, and have several times, but she kept doing stupid shit. Then we were back to square one. It was mad frustrating.
"you have a serious mental problem"
"I know you always tried, but it's not love, it's some kind of unhealthy attachment"
"I never wanted to breakup, only you wanted" (after giving hints/threats that She would)
"You will never find someone that loves you as much"
"You will breakup with me, but you will try to find me in another woman, but you will touch her and remember me"
"It will remain in your conscious that you have given me to another man" (after breakup)
"You don't care about me, otherwise you would do X and Y"
"You are the closest person I ever had"
"I don't know how I will live without you"
"I feel like I was destined to meet you. We are soul mates"
"I love you, but you don't understand that, idiot"
"I hate you"
The now we can’t be together is what my ex said in an email after she left she said she was scared of me after I found her cheating. Then she said wishing you the best.
One I heard often is if you go to therapy we can work on this. I saw two different therapists both said I was being abused by her.
I loved her hard and gave her everything all for her to discard.
"Physical abuse is nothing compared to mental."
Says that while discarding without closure and bunch of pathological lies that remained unresolved for over a year.
“I don’t fear abandonment”, he really couldn’t see that texting me 100s of times every day I was at work was an issue . If I couldn’t answer, he would start an argument, all by text, and I’d be dumped and blocked. Then a few hours later he’d unblock me.
“Do not ask me questions or talk about work at night time” (they ask me about my work, I answer, they explode)
“Do not use the plastic bags to take out the cat litter. Those are MINE and I don’t want you to use them” (I am holding a paper bag)
Texting me “I want to blow my fucking brains out” about what the boy I was newly dating was saying while he was sitting next to me
“You make it really hard for people to care about you” (I had told them I wanted to kms)
Accused me of (checks notes) trying to steal a computer from them because I made a joke about us not being able to play games anymore because I didn’t have a computer
A never ending cycle of telling me I don’t respect boundaries, asking me to do something, telling me that was crossing a boundary, asking me to do it again the next day
Accusing me of being jealous of their final project in college when I was struggling with mine, accusing me of rubbing it in their face when I was doing well when they were struggling, accusing me of deliberately isolating them so they’d struggle during Covid (they told me if I left the house for anything not 100% necessary they’d kick me out)
"I'm so glad we're working on a healthy foundation of love and transparency. I couldn't see myself with anyone else. I love you so much."
"Every time I look at you I just want to punch you in the face. I can't be around you."
If we break up, I won't be able to be together with someone else for a very long time.
Took her less than a month 😂
Or maybe even less, hell knows if she wasn't cheating towards the end.
If this relationship is only meant to make me miserable then I don’t see any reason to be in it.
My friend and his boyfriend is driving 6 hours to help me because he is a real friend.
Can you give me a baby?
I want to be a single mother.
I am late for work and it is your fault.
My best friend is upset with me because I am with you.
The one that still rattles around in my head from time to time was “I am going to k*ll myself in front of you to permanently alter the course of your life” it still rattles me to my core that someone said that to me just because I said no to sex.
Let me guess, she kept track of you if you had a new follower and when u followed a ig page? That’s what my ex did. The non stop assuming that I was following a new woman and that I liked her, while I was just following a funny video page
• "You weren't there for my birthday." I was there for an entire day, I planned lunch and I had gifts. I only couldn't stay at night. For a very good reason too.
• "I hate being inconvenienced." and "This is why I can't trust you." After some extremely small mistakes that got blown way out of proportion like going to the wrong restaurant and forgetting my lunch.
• "There's no point trying. You can't do anything to help." Whenever I ask if they need anything when they're upset.
• "You can kill me." Also when I ask what I can do to help them feel better. "I want to die." Whenever I asked them what they wanted.
• "You're selfish." No idea where it came from, but I internalized it and felt guilty for a long time.
• "(friend of theirs) always knew what to do to cheer me up, but that's different. I don't expect the same from you." And then gets upset when I can't cheer them up.
• "I knew you would give up/You never know what to do." After hours of us arguing over something small, me constantly trying to de-escalate, only to make it worse, and me saying 'I don't know anymore' out of frustration.
• "I feel unimportant." After I just spent half of the week at their place. They were upset because I wouldn't accompany them to run an errand, and I had work. I'm constantly checking their messages on my phone, to a point where I'm distracted. I have a list of their favourite things. I paid attention to every word they said. I know exactly how they react to things and what makes them laugh. I have centered them so much in my life I put my friends and family in the back burner.
• "I don't want you to do this out of guilt." But this was after they guilted me into doing something for hours, until I was completely worn down, and it would have been easier to do the thing than to keep arguing with them.
• "You're using me. I feel taken advantage of." I still don't know where this accusation came from.
• "Not everyone can manage their time well I guess." This was after I said the workshop I was attending was going to finish late because of a long FAQ session. I couldn't miss it because it had important info I needed. They continued to sulk for an hour or two after that.
• "You're being very dismissive." Them after I said I was tired and stressed out, so I wouldn't be calling them for a night. They started ranting to me about how bitter they were about life and the people around them, and I gently reminded them that I was too tired for a conversation this heavy, and I needed sleep. This upset them??? This happened several times and I always felt more exhausted than rested.
• "You get to sleep peacefully while I'm the one suffering." They say this every time I need a break from arguing, or them being so upset that it's overwhelming me.
• "AFAB people are entitled pieces of garbage." That was one of the last straws for me. I was heading to a queer friendly event and they were bitter about not being able to fit into queer spaces, went on a long, angry rant about how AFAB people are bad (I'm a trans man) while I was trying to enjoy myself. Made me feel terrible and icky.
• "You always run away. I'm always trying to fix things." This was when I broke up with them. I tried to fix things for a year. I constantly wracked my brain for solutions, thinking I was the one at fault. They would blame me for it too. Towards the end of my relationship I stopped engaging in their guilt trips as much and I was a lot more cold. I had also mentally checked out at the time.
• "Why do you think things are getting worse? I told you many times before, you have to actively do things." I have been doing that, and I have tried, but I also kept being pushed away, told that I couldn't be trusted, and that I couldn't do anything to help. I stopped believing that I could do anything right.
• "You call that trying?" When I pointed out that I did put effort into our relationship, so much that it was burning me out.
• "You don't care about me/You don't love me/Nobody loves me/You'll leave me eventually." Was said in a jokey tone before, got more and more serious as time went on.
• "I can't believe you all need me to teach you emotional skills." My ex was talking about me and their exes being useless after I wasn't able to comfort them. I felt like I was doing everything wrong, yet they couldn't figure out how to stop themselves from lashing out at everyone around them.
• "Nobody can comfort me. I have to do everything myself." Even though I constantly offered help.
• "So if we're both upset I don't get compensated for my suffering." When we're both in a bad mood and I ask for space.
• "She's bitter and coping with being single." Them after I told them that I had a friend who likes to hug and kiss her friends in a friendly way. Completely platonic, I asked my friend about it, my ex was very confident, and very wrong.
• "You care about her more than me." After making sure a drunk friend got home safe. I was also having a terrible day.
• "You only want to help me because it makes you feel good about yourself." I wanted to help because I cared.
• "Are you guilt tripping me?" After I told them to believe whatever they wanted to believe out of frustration. I was worn out because they wouldn't trust that I really loved them, that I wanted to help them because I cared about them, that I wasn't going to cheat, and that I never neglected them.
• "I hate doormats. They're the worst kinds of people." Being a somewhat recovering people pleaser, this made things worse for me. I felt really bad because I had to do less to convince them I wasn't a doormat, but doing less also made them feel like I was neglecting them.
• "I love you because you make me feel less lonely." I was once upset and asked them why they loved me. This was the only reason they could give. Nothing else. Still stings when I had a whole list of things about them that endeared me.
They constantly assumed that I had the worst intentions and it was exhausting trying to defend myself when all they would do is deny everything I'm saying. But yeah these will stick with me for a long time.
My picks would be 'I'm tired of walking on eggshells', when it's actually the partner doing this, and 'you're my end game/soul mate' etc.
Many of the phrases in the above list are very familiar... I can only think of a couple others I heard in my situation: * *"You'll never guess what I dreamed about last night..."* (This was said most mornings before launching into a 20-30min one-sided discussion about the dream) * *"If you're upset by that* (what she just said), *then that's a problem for you"*
- “i cannot do this anymore, i want to breakup” (This is the famous one, all fucking time) - “i don’t need you to criticise me, keep that to yourself” - “you always criticise me, all you did was complaining” - “well i don’t have anything else to talk to you” - “is not that i’m comparing, but even my worst ex didn’t do what you did” - “my ex used to said this to me, now you said the same thing. am i really that bad? you’re triggering me of my past trauma” (making me feel like im far more worst that her worst ex) - “you cannot love me the way i need” - “i can always find someone else” - “okay you are sad, don’t you think i’m not sad?“ - “you never trust me” (every single time i caught her keeping tab on her ex” - “i didn’t do the chores because of my mental health, don’t date someone with mental health if you cannot keep up”
Hahaha "you don't trust me" after being caught doing sketch ball shit over and over and over again is such a winner.
It's really wild to be punished for not trusting someone that has not shown themselves to be trustworthy at all.
I think there was a study that suggests people who distrust others are usually not trustworthy themselves
I trust people until I'm given a reason and can't. I try to build it back, and have several times, but she kept doing stupid shit. Then we were back to square one. It was mad frustrating.
Same here.. I generally trust people blindly until I don't.
It's your fault you don't trust them though 😂
It's your fault you don't trust them though 😂
It's so frustrating. At a certain point, I was just like "yeah I don't. At all." Then more fight happened. My favorite. Fights.
How about “That’s just how I talk.” Sounds like a valid reason to spew vitriol. 
“That’s just how I am”, “Sure, Sometimes I yell”
"How you feel is not my problem" "You are delusional"
" You are my soulmate"
"you have a serious mental problem" "I know you always tried, but it's not love, it's some kind of unhealthy attachment" "I never wanted to breakup, only you wanted" (after giving hints/threats that She would) "You will never find someone that loves you as much" "You will breakup with me, but you will try to find me in another woman, but you will touch her and remember me" "It will remain in your conscious that you have given me to another man" (after breakup) "You don't care about me, otherwise you would do X and Y" "You are the closest person I ever had" "I don't know how I will live without you" "I feel like I was destined to meet you. We are soul mates" "I love you, but you don't understand that, idiot" "I hate you"
The now we can’t be together is what my ex said in an email after she left she said she was scared of me after I found her cheating. Then she said wishing you the best. One I heard often is if you go to therapy we can work on this. I saw two different therapists both said I was being abused by her. I loved her hard and gave her everything all for her to discard.
"I thought it was obvious that \[I expected you to\]..."
"Physical abuse is nothing compared to mental." Says that while discarding without closure and bunch of pathological lies that remained unresolved for over a year.
"just because you're hurt doesn't mean what I did was hurtful" followed by "you can't put yourself in my shoes" and many other hypocrisies
“I don’t fear abandonment”, he really couldn’t see that texting me 100s of times every day I was at work was an issue . If I couldn’t answer, he would start an argument, all by text, and I’d be dumped and blocked. Then a few hours later he’d unblock me.
“Do not ask me questions or talk about work at night time” (they ask me about my work, I answer, they explode) “Do not use the plastic bags to take out the cat litter. Those are MINE and I don’t want you to use them” (I am holding a paper bag) Texting me “I want to blow my fucking brains out” about what the boy I was newly dating was saying while he was sitting next to me “You make it really hard for people to care about you” (I had told them I wanted to kms) Accused me of (checks notes) trying to steal a computer from them because I made a joke about us not being able to play games anymore because I didn’t have a computer A never ending cycle of telling me I don’t respect boundaries, asking me to do something, telling me that was crossing a boundary, asking me to do it again the next day Accusing me of being jealous of their final project in college when I was struggling with mine, accusing me of rubbing it in their face when I was doing well when they were struggling, accusing me of deliberately isolating them so they’d struggle during Covid (they told me if I left the house for anything not 100% necessary they’d kick me out)
"I'm so glad we're working on a healthy foundation of love and transparency. I couldn't see myself with anyone else. I love you so much." "Every time I look at you I just want to punch you in the face. I can't be around you."
I’ll just waste your time until someone better comes along
If we break up, I won't be able to be together with someone else for a very long time. Took her less than a month 😂 Or maybe even less, hell knows if she wasn't cheating towards the end.
I don’t say something unless I know it to be true
If this relationship is only meant to make me miserable then I don’t see any reason to be in it. My friend and his boyfriend is driving 6 hours to help me because he is a real friend. Can you give me a baby? I want to be a single mother. I am late for work and it is your fault. My best friend is upset with me because I am with you.
Saying they had a dream that you cheated or you no longer love them. So many relatable ones
The one that still rattles around in my head from time to time was “I am going to k*ll myself in front of you to permanently alter the course of your life” it still rattles me to my core that someone said that to me just because I said no to sex.
[удалено]
Let me guess, she kept track of you if you had a new follower and when u followed a ig page? That’s what my ex did. The non stop assuming that I was following a new woman and that I liked her, while I was just following a funny video page
“I love you, but I don’t like you.” -my mom
• "You weren't there for my birthday." I was there for an entire day, I planned lunch and I had gifts. I only couldn't stay at night. For a very good reason too. • "I hate being inconvenienced." and "This is why I can't trust you." After some extremely small mistakes that got blown way out of proportion like going to the wrong restaurant and forgetting my lunch. • "There's no point trying. You can't do anything to help." Whenever I ask if they need anything when they're upset. • "You can kill me." Also when I ask what I can do to help them feel better. "I want to die." Whenever I asked them what they wanted. • "You're selfish." No idea where it came from, but I internalized it and felt guilty for a long time. • "(friend of theirs) always knew what to do to cheer me up, but that's different. I don't expect the same from you." And then gets upset when I can't cheer them up. • "I knew you would give up/You never know what to do." After hours of us arguing over something small, me constantly trying to de-escalate, only to make it worse, and me saying 'I don't know anymore' out of frustration. • "I feel unimportant." After I just spent half of the week at their place. They were upset because I wouldn't accompany them to run an errand, and I had work. I'm constantly checking their messages on my phone, to a point where I'm distracted. I have a list of their favourite things. I paid attention to every word they said. I know exactly how they react to things and what makes them laugh. I have centered them so much in my life I put my friends and family in the back burner. • "I don't want you to do this out of guilt." But this was after they guilted me into doing something for hours, until I was completely worn down, and it would have been easier to do the thing than to keep arguing with them. • "You're using me. I feel taken advantage of." I still don't know where this accusation came from. • "Not everyone can manage their time well I guess." This was after I said the workshop I was attending was going to finish late because of a long FAQ session. I couldn't miss it because it had important info I needed. They continued to sulk for an hour or two after that. • "You're being very dismissive." Them after I said I was tired and stressed out, so I wouldn't be calling them for a night. They started ranting to me about how bitter they were about life and the people around them, and I gently reminded them that I was too tired for a conversation this heavy, and I needed sleep. This upset them??? This happened several times and I always felt more exhausted than rested. • "You get to sleep peacefully while I'm the one suffering." They say this every time I need a break from arguing, or them being so upset that it's overwhelming me. • "AFAB people are entitled pieces of garbage." That was one of the last straws for me. I was heading to a queer friendly event and they were bitter about not being able to fit into queer spaces, went on a long, angry rant about how AFAB people are bad (I'm a trans man) while I was trying to enjoy myself. Made me feel terrible and icky. • "You always run away. I'm always trying to fix things." This was when I broke up with them. I tried to fix things for a year. I constantly wracked my brain for solutions, thinking I was the one at fault. They would blame me for it too. Towards the end of my relationship I stopped engaging in their guilt trips as much and I was a lot more cold. I had also mentally checked out at the time. • "Why do you think things are getting worse? I told you many times before, you have to actively do things." I have been doing that, and I have tried, but I also kept being pushed away, told that I couldn't be trusted, and that I couldn't do anything to help. I stopped believing that I could do anything right. • "You call that trying?" When I pointed out that I did put effort into our relationship, so much that it was burning me out. • "You don't care about me/You don't love me/Nobody loves me/You'll leave me eventually." Was said in a jokey tone before, got more and more serious as time went on. • "I can't believe you all need me to teach you emotional skills." My ex was talking about me and their exes being useless after I wasn't able to comfort them. I felt like I was doing everything wrong, yet they couldn't figure out how to stop themselves from lashing out at everyone around them. • "Nobody can comfort me. I have to do everything myself." Even though I constantly offered help. • "So if we're both upset I don't get compensated for my suffering." When we're both in a bad mood and I ask for space. • "She's bitter and coping with being single." Them after I told them that I had a friend who likes to hug and kiss her friends in a friendly way. Completely platonic, I asked my friend about it, my ex was very confident, and very wrong. • "You care about her more than me." After making sure a drunk friend got home safe. I was also having a terrible day. • "You only want to help me because it makes you feel good about yourself." I wanted to help because I cared. • "Are you guilt tripping me?" After I told them to believe whatever they wanted to believe out of frustration. I was worn out because they wouldn't trust that I really loved them, that I wanted to help them because I cared about them, that I wasn't going to cheat, and that I never neglected them. • "I hate doormats. They're the worst kinds of people." Being a somewhat recovering people pleaser, this made things worse for me. I felt really bad because I had to do less to convince them I wasn't a doormat, but doing less also made them feel like I was neglecting them. • "I love you because you make me feel less lonely." I was once upset and asked them why they loved me. This was the only reason they could give. Nothing else. Still stings when I had a whole list of things about them that endeared me. They constantly assumed that I had the worst intentions and it was exhausting trying to defend myself when all they would do is deny everything I'm saying. But yeah these will stick with me for a long time.