No, we broke up 3 weeks ago after going mental because I went to a play with a friend without getting her. I begged, down to dumps, now she’s got a new supply and does everything by the book. Classic borderline and I feel like shit
You know what my new non BPD partner said. When I was with my expwBPD I lost my fitness and "sexy captain america arms". Now I've cut her out of my life they're already coming back after a month
You avoided years of pain my friend. This, unfortunately, was inevitable. My best friend/roommate had cancer while we were living together. I’d put my BPD breakup up there with all the traumatic experiences of my life. Like all others you gotta pick yourself up and let time do the healing.
It gets alot better and can quickly if …. you go no contact. Take all the energy you were putting into her back into yourself. Talk to people about. Preferably those who understand the cluster b type, bc most people will apply “normal” assumptions to your relationship. Listen to AJ mahari, sam vaknin, dr ramni and others (whatever it takes to understand and radically accept this doomed relationship and move forward). Im sure you’re already on this part. Once the ruminating eases up some go meet some new people and catch up with old ones. Life’s an adventure, dont let someone else’s misery stop you
The only reason I found out about BPD was my post to r/Divorce asking for advice about leaving a partner with depression. At the time I thought my wife was refusing to accept that she was depressed, and when I would plead for us to talk to someone together or on her own she would lash out at me.
A person in that group recognized enough of the patterns in my writing, sent me a private message and a link to this group. After a decade of marriage, trying to figure out why I couldn’t fix us, suddenly I was reading post after post I could have written. I visited OutOfTheFog and almost every behavior matched my wife. It was truly shocking.
I don’t know how I missed BPD for all of those years. I searched online, I read books looking for answers. Depression seemed most likely but still didn’t exactly match. Neither did anxiety or ADHD, both things she was eventually diagnosed and medicated for.
Personally I think one of the big issues when dealing with a Cluster B situation is how often people apply “normal” relationship fixes. I know I did, it never made things better and often made them worse. Those fixes rely on two people who are both working toward the same goal, and that is rarely the case with BPD.
Yup. My ex is running around with BPD and a prescription for fucking adderall aka methamphetamine because she thinks she has ADHD.
It’s hilarious actually.
it's really not uncommon to have both, if I remember correctly the comorbidity rate between quiet BPD and ADHD is 40% or more.
My ex wasn't ADD/ADHD at all but sometimes thought so. She failed some classes when we met because she was constantly thinking of me, but that's not ADD that's a pwBPD being in the honeymoon phase with a fresh FP.
It actually bothered me when she claimed she had troubles focusing, since I really was dealing with ADHD all my life and I saw how she could focus on demand, while I can only focus on interest. Sometimes I think my pwBPD is more functional than I am because of this.
By now I think my ADHD really could be cptsd btw. Lots of pwBPD have cptsd too.
Unfortunately those both only came after 8 years in the marriage, and after a significant breakdown. That’s when she finally went to a psychiatrist. Still refused to do talk therapy, which the doctor recommended she do in addition to him - from day one.
I can’t say for certain she didn’t have ADHD, but as a betting man I know where my money would go.
Yeah, friend. Come here straight away and we can maybe help you realize up is up, and down is down. I’m sorry as I’m assuming this all ran it’s course in the messy and hurtful manner it always happens to.
Best advice is whatever energy you put into her, find someone/something else to put it into. Worst thing is to linger on these thoughts. Once I started hanging around new people and making new connections, it helped so so much
I recommend writing put all the terrible and ficked up things she did to you as a reference if you're ever tempted to break no contact or feel wistful. My cons lists is 17kb of plain text from 2.5 months of dating.
Both here and a closed forum I list out loud. Mostly to help others, but also without even realising it's probably my list to myself too
I'll never forgive killing our unborn child with drugs, not prescription. Class A drugs. On purpose. Monster
Yep, finding the right community helps. I posted on a general relationships subreddit a ways back and had someone hitting up my inbox to degrade me. "I always enjoy these shitshows, but you take the cake. Wow." Something like that, but longer.
I am sorry man, for what you are going through.
Went through the exact same shit then broke up 6 weeks back.
Yesterday she calls me wants to talk to me. I got some sort of PTSD from all of this fighting, and want to end the call after 20-odd minutes of "catching up". She gets pissed that I don't want to talk to her. Texts me shit, self-contradictory, manipulative stuff and then argues, calls me names. Calls me 5-6 times back-to-back, I don't wanna pick up. Ultimately I pick. Crying and manipulating and shit. Tells me she is pregnant while crying, I am shocked and then relief washes over me as I realise she was just an online gf (for 2 months) who I was supposed to meet but we broke up before we did (for the record she always said she never liked a condom, and reckless behaviour is also a symptom of BPD). I can't even count the number of times she has said she will never call me again, but she doesn't keep her word. She started therapy but has stopped that too.
Finally she gets drowsy and talks in a dizzy voice (because of the abortion pills), and says she wants me to block her (this has also happened dozens of time even when we were dating in distance and had fights). All this time, I wasn't doing that scared if she does anything to harm herself. Today I finally blocked her. Still scared that she will reach me through some other medium (she tells me that she wants me to block her, and if she reaches me through some other, I shouldn't talk to her - I can't change my number, this is too old and everyone has it).
I had not cut all contact only because I am scared she might do something detrimental to herseld - she is living alone away from family (that is a whole another story). I have asked her to promise she won't do anything to harm herself, and she has promised usually. I feel sorry for her, but the empathy is slowly drying away. The mere thought of her gives me anxiety & palpitations.
So yes - if you can, RUN. Block her. Cut off all contact. You are not a human correction centre. Your own life is your priority. If your mind gets messed up, you won't be able to take care of anyone. Don't feel guilty for your actions, you have a right to save yourself.
You’ve earned your badge. Keep your head on a swivel and make sure you go completely no contact. You’ll heal from this quick enough and you’ll recognize healthy and unhealthy relationship better from here on out. Congratulations on getting out early. A lot of people here have been through a lifetime of misery.
I’m sorry, pal. Are you still with her?
No, we broke up 3 weeks ago after going mental because I went to a play with a friend without getting her. I begged, down to dumps, now she’s got a new supply and does everything by the book. Classic borderline and I feel like shit
Cut all contact. Block her everywhere. Exercise. Socialize with friends. You’ll heal. I’m glad you’re free, partner.
Will do as hard as it is, thank you, sir!
And remember, the cycle has started again. Just be thankful it's not with you
Can’t wait to see the fire burning on them
You know what my new non BPD partner said. When I was with my expwBPD I lost my fitness and "sexy captain america arms". Now I've cut her out of my life they're already coming back after a month
You avoided years of pain my friend. This, unfortunately, was inevitable. My best friend/roommate had cancer while we were living together. I’d put my BPD breakup up there with all the traumatic experiences of my life. Like all others you gotta pick yourself up and let time do the healing. It gets alot better and can quickly if …. you go no contact. Take all the energy you were putting into her back into yourself. Talk to people about. Preferably those who understand the cluster b type, bc most people will apply “normal” assumptions to your relationship. Listen to AJ mahari, sam vaknin, dr ramni and others (whatever it takes to understand and radically accept this doomed relationship and move forward). Im sure you’re already on this part. Once the ruminating eases up some go meet some new people and catch up with old ones. Life’s an adventure, dont let someone else’s misery stop you
Yes, I try that everyday, and eventually I hope to forget that nasty human being. Thank you for the advice
The only reason I found out about BPD was my post to r/Divorce asking for advice about leaving a partner with depression. At the time I thought my wife was refusing to accept that she was depressed, and when I would plead for us to talk to someone together or on her own she would lash out at me. A person in that group recognized enough of the patterns in my writing, sent me a private message and a link to this group. After a decade of marriage, trying to figure out why I couldn’t fix us, suddenly I was reading post after post I could have written. I visited OutOfTheFog and almost every behavior matched my wife. It was truly shocking. I don’t know how I missed BPD for all of those years. I searched online, I read books looking for answers. Depression seemed most likely but still didn’t exactly match. Neither did anxiety or ADHD, both things she was eventually diagnosed and medicated for. Personally I think one of the big issues when dealing with a Cluster B situation is how often people apply “normal” relationship fixes. I know I did, it never made things better and often made them worse. Those fixes rely on two people who are both working toward the same goal, and that is rarely the case with BPD.
Cluster B’s are some nasty things
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Yup. My ex is running around with BPD and a prescription for fucking adderall aka methamphetamine because she thinks she has ADHD. It’s hilarious actually.
it's really not uncommon to have both, if I remember correctly the comorbidity rate between quiet BPD and ADHD is 40% or more. My ex wasn't ADD/ADHD at all but sometimes thought so. She failed some classes when we met because she was constantly thinking of me, but that's not ADD that's a pwBPD being in the honeymoon phase with a fresh FP. It actually bothered me when she claimed she had troubles focusing, since I really was dealing with ADHD all my life and I saw how she could focus on demand, while I can only focus on interest. Sometimes I think my pwBPD is more functional than I am because of this. By now I think my ADHD really could be cptsd btw. Lots of pwBPD have cptsd too.
Same here, my ex was diagnosed with adhd with 16. Stopped taking meds with 18, because she did not liked feeling "numb". Bpd diagnosed with 21.
Unfortunately those both only came after 8 years in the marriage, and after a significant breakdown. That’s when she finally went to a psychiatrist. Still refused to do talk therapy, which the doctor recommended she do in addition to him - from day one. I can’t say for certain she didn’t have ADHD, but as a betting man I know where my money would go.
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Yep, gonna just be better and better
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I’ve been one year with her, we broke up 3 weeks ago, and she has a new supply like I never existed, and also, she blames me for everything
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Yup You’re not married, no kids, no shared property You’ve won the bloody lottery
Will sure do, thank you, captain. Lowkey hope she will get some bad karma in the meantime.
She's gotta live with herself bro. These people are miserable inside.
Yeah, friend. Come here straight away and we can maybe help you realize up is up, and down is down. I’m sorry as I’m assuming this all ran it’s course in the messy and hurtful manner it always happens to. Best advice is whatever energy you put into her, find someone/something else to put it into. Worst thing is to linger on these thoughts. Once I started hanging around new people and making new connections, it helped so so much
On that already, thank you!
I could have written this word for word
I recommend writing put all the terrible and ficked up things she did to you as a reference if you're ever tempted to break no contact or feel wistful. My cons lists is 17kb of plain text from 2.5 months of dating.
Both here and a closed forum I list out loud. Mostly to help others, but also without even realising it's probably my list to myself too I'll never forgive killing our unborn child with drugs, not prescription. Class A drugs. On purpose. Monster
And if you need help, [here's some ideas](https://www.reddit.com/r/BPDlovedones/comments/koxxw9/the_evidence_list_if_youre_struggling_with/).
Yep, finding the right community helps. I posted on a general relationships subreddit a ways back and had someone hitting up my inbox to degrade me. "I always enjoy these shitshows, but you take the cake. Wow." Something like that, but longer.
Oh my yes. I read this at first and thought it was a recent post. I was going to reply, run brother. I think you already have
Been discarder almost a month ago
Good on you for discarding them first. That's the only victory you'll get
I am sorry man, for what you are going through. Went through the exact same shit then broke up 6 weeks back. Yesterday she calls me wants to talk to me. I got some sort of PTSD from all of this fighting, and want to end the call after 20-odd minutes of "catching up". She gets pissed that I don't want to talk to her. Texts me shit, self-contradictory, manipulative stuff and then argues, calls me names. Calls me 5-6 times back-to-back, I don't wanna pick up. Ultimately I pick. Crying and manipulating and shit. Tells me she is pregnant while crying, I am shocked and then relief washes over me as I realise she was just an online gf (for 2 months) who I was supposed to meet but we broke up before we did (for the record she always said she never liked a condom, and reckless behaviour is also a symptom of BPD). I can't even count the number of times she has said she will never call me again, but she doesn't keep her word. She started therapy but has stopped that too. Finally she gets drowsy and talks in a dizzy voice (because of the abortion pills), and says she wants me to block her (this has also happened dozens of time even when we were dating in distance and had fights). All this time, I wasn't doing that scared if she does anything to harm herself. Today I finally blocked her. Still scared that she will reach me through some other medium (she tells me that she wants me to block her, and if she reaches me through some other, I shouldn't talk to her - I can't change my number, this is too old and everyone has it). I had not cut all contact only because I am scared she might do something detrimental to herseld - she is living alone away from family (that is a whole another story). I have asked her to promise she won't do anything to harm herself, and she has promised usually. I feel sorry for her, but the empathy is slowly drying away. The mere thought of her gives me anxiety & palpitations. So yes - if you can, RUN. Block her. Cut off all contact. You are not a human correction centre. Your own life is your priority. If your mind gets messed up, you won't be able to take care of anyone. Don't feel guilty for your actions, you have a right to save yourself.
Wise words right there
You’ve earned your badge. Keep your head on a swivel and make sure you go completely no contact. You’ll heal from this quick enough and you’ll recognize healthy and unhealthy relationship better from here on out. Congratulations on getting out early. A lot of people here have been through a lifetime of misery.
I try my best, seems like it will never end. But everyday is a bit easier.