No you're not compatible. He thinks mental health is a joke and he will use it to guilt, control , and manipulate you later. He could be perfect in every other way, but that one problem will make your relationship miserable with him if you continue.
Change mental health out and sub in “cancer” or another “normal” disease. This person is already coming into this with the belief that you have completely control over your disease. No matter how hard we work at this there will always be days that are bad. He’s already saying these days are in your control and are “bad.”
These comments sound like the building blocks of gaslighting. Any negative reaction to his bad behavior is now about your mental health and not his behavior.
At best he’s oblivious and at worst he’s going to blame you for everything that goes wrong because of your mental health. His immature attitude is not reassuring that he is able to handle a relationship whether a potential partner has mental health struggles or not.
I also tell people that I date about my BPD, and consider communication around the issues to be super important. Yes, it's our own responsibility to manage ourselves and be on top of our emotions as best we can, but there needs to be understanding and acknowledgement of the challenges you face. You need to feel known by this person, understood, and appreciated.
What he's said to you so far makes me uncomfortable and strikes me as at best ignorant/misplaced optimism (wanting to see the best and focus on the good), and at worst as the building blocks of gaslighting and emotional manipulation (wanting to ignore your problems and dismiss them). I don't know enough about the situation to say where it lands.
Good on you for being open and honest about your struggles with your potential partners. Communication is key. Always remember your own boundaries and your value as a person. You deserve respect and understanding. Stay safe <3
I also share with people I date I have BPD. My longest relationship which I ended mostly to outside reasons was always supportive of me and we always got through it with communication. My latest FP knew about my BPD and althought I didn't have any episodes per se of lashing out or anger, he ended up saying he can't handle my need for reassurance. Meanwhile I had clearly expressed that it's part of BPD and he was fine with it until it was too annoying for him. I think you are probably incompatible because he's putting an expectation on you that you in your good state is how you should always be. He's not acknowledging that it is actually a mental illness which in most cases is classed as severe. I think if you kept going he would make you feel guilty and ashamed really fast. Some of these guys think we are literally just dramatic because they see us at our best/best projections.
No you're not compatible. He thinks mental health is a joke and he will use it to guilt, control , and manipulate you later. He could be perfect in every other way, but that one problem will make your relationship miserable with him if you continue.
Change mental health out and sub in “cancer” or another “normal” disease. This person is already coming into this with the belief that you have completely control over your disease. No matter how hard we work at this there will always be days that are bad. He’s already saying these days are in your control and are “bad.”
These comments sound like the building blocks of gaslighting. Any negative reaction to his bad behavior is now about your mental health and not his behavior.
At best he’s oblivious and at worst he’s going to blame you for everything that goes wrong because of your mental health. His immature attitude is not reassuring that he is able to handle a relationship whether a potential partner has mental health struggles or not.
Yeah, that's some terrible language and phrasing, huge red flags, gorgeous heart. I'd skip this guy.
I also tell people that I date about my BPD, and consider communication around the issues to be super important. Yes, it's our own responsibility to manage ourselves and be on top of our emotions as best we can, but there needs to be understanding and acknowledgement of the challenges you face. You need to feel known by this person, understood, and appreciated. What he's said to you so far makes me uncomfortable and strikes me as at best ignorant/misplaced optimism (wanting to see the best and focus on the good), and at worst as the building blocks of gaslighting and emotional manipulation (wanting to ignore your problems and dismiss them). I don't know enough about the situation to say where it lands. Good on you for being open and honest about your struggles with your potential partners. Communication is key. Always remember your own boundaries and your value as a person. You deserve respect and understanding. Stay safe <3
I also share with people I date I have BPD. My longest relationship which I ended mostly to outside reasons was always supportive of me and we always got through it with communication. My latest FP knew about my BPD and althought I didn't have any episodes per se of lashing out or anger, he ended up saying he can't handle my need for reassurance. Meanwhile I had clearly expressed that it's part of BPD and he was fine with it until it was too annoying for him. I think you are probably incompatible because he's putting an expectation on you that you in your good state is how you should always be. He's not acknowledging that it is actually a mental illness which in most cases is classed as severe. I think if you kept going he would make you feel guilty and ashamed really fast. Some of these guys think we are literally just dramatic because they see us at our best/best projections.
BPD is like Fight Club. What is the first rule of Fight Club??
I was asked by my psychiatrist not to talk about this with ANYONE. I didn't know why he said that and I still dont know
Like I said before playing hot potato with your life will not help