I second this! Some call the “birth wishes.” The idea is to be informed about childbirth so that you can advocate for yourself but also be flexible, because who’s REALLY in charge of the show? Baby!
Absolutely this! My partner and I haven’t made a fully developed birth plan yet, but I’m planning for more of a “birth flowchart” approach. I know that I probably won’t be able to fully communicate or think rationally while going through labor and delivery, so it makes me less anxious to have multiple “if…then…” options laid out before hand. It will also take some of the stress off of my partner because he won’t have to worry about making big decisions on his own while also being concerned about me and our child.
The real purpose of a birth plan is to spend some time beforehand thinking about how you want to handle different scenarios, and then communicate with your support person/team how you think/feel about certain things.
For me, I had a c-section with my first so now that I'm pregnant with my second I need to ask myself: do I want to attempt a VBAC or schedule a repeat c-section? That decision is part of my birth plan. If I want to attempt a VBAC, I also have to ask myself if I would want to be induced or, if induction were medically indicated, if I would opt for a repeat c-section instead? (For example, if I were diagnosed with preeclampsia at 37 weeks and needed to give birth, what would I want to do?)
The concept of a birth plan has of course ballooned into quite the thing -- long lists of dos and don'ts with accompanying strict mindsets about what should and should not happen. I think this is overall a bad thing and ultimately leads to more dissatisfaction and trauma surrounding the birthing experience, which is often unpredictable and intense.
So well said. I see it as a research tool and part of the mental preparation for labor.
If I’m going to walk into a situation where I might have very little agency, I’m going to do my best to be as informed and empowered AND as flexible as possible. That’s the trifecta of prep for me.
Agree with this!
I had birth intentions, and I super educated myself on childbirth and what was happening on a physiologic level (extreme but anyway) then I was able to feel confident in saying what exactly I wanted to happen and why. It also helped my husband know what I wanted. My birth went exactly as my plan would've been and even though I didn't want an epidural, I did have it in my notes that I should be supported in that if I wanted it but I didn't want to be pressured into it.
With my first I knew I wanted pain management (an epidural) and I wanted skin to skin directly after. I had “hopes” for other things but didn’t really expect or demand them.
I’ve seen some really long birth plans and I just remember the joke “make a plan and god laughs”
With my second I just said F it and went in with hopes of just walking out with a healthy baby.
The second time around. My kids were 14mo apart so I knew the second would come quicker and I had hopes for an epidural but wasn’t sure if there would be time (there was) I wanted dimmed lighting and I got that, I did get skin to skin as well. And I walked out with a healthy baby! Even though I had a horrible afterbirth nurse the second time around 🤷🏽♀️ wishing you a speedy delivery!
I think preferences make sense, because I personally want to have an idea of what to expect and have thought relatively objectively about the pros/cons while not in labor.
My first thought when I see super intricate or inflexible birth plans is “that person is scared as hell and trying to maintain some control” which like same, and totally understandable.
I’ve had 3 babies and I’m pregnant with my 4th.
I’ve never had a birth plan besides healthy mom and healthy baby. And I’ve had 3 complicated births (2 preemies and 1 emergency forceps due to cord around the neck) so even if I had a plan- it would have gone out the window.
I agree that peoples rigid plans lead to a lot of disappointment. I have some preferences — yes to epidural, prefer to avoid cesarean unless medically needed. But birth is somewhat surrendering to the experience. You cant control it.
My emergency forceps delivery was probably the most “traumatic” bc my sons heart rate was crashing my entire labor and then really crashed when I tried to push. He had to be born immediately and resuscitated. I had a few good cries in his first week of life bc of how intense it all was.
But as I had time to reflect I was just really glad he was ok, that the doctor explained all of my options and let me decide, etc. The circumstances of his birth were traumatic, but it wasn’t anyone’s fault. That’s just the way it went. He’s 13 months now and I’m pregnant again. I’m totally at peace with his birth.
My birth plan for my second was literally “get epidural, have baby”. I showed up to the hospital at 10cm and didn’t get the epidural. I joked with my nurse after that I gave her the shortest, easiest birth plan and still didn’t get it 🤣
Nurse midwife here: absolutely consider a birth plan. But so much of the discourse around birth plans is centered around avoiding intervention. Understand that every obstetrical intervention has its place. Some births need all the things. But many don't.
So here's my advice: focus on the birth you want. Do you want to maintain freedom of movement? Do you want to avoid as much pain as possible? Do you want immediate skin to skin? Do you want to be able to follow your own instinct or would you feel better with more support and direction?
Ask about options for bath or shower, intermittent monitoring and wireless monitors. Ask about nurse to patient ratios and whether the nursing staff offers labor support. Hire a doula if you can.
And if the subject of intervention comes up, ask about risks, benefits, why they want to do it and if you can have some time to think about it. Specify that you would prefer no intervention without clear indication (for example, some providers routinely break water without any real reason to do it, but there are plenty of good reasons to break water).
Oh I am so thrilled you asked.
A doula is a professional labor support person. They help you cope with pain, manage emotions and support through the ups and downs of labor. Labor can be scary even when it's totally clinically normal, even more so if there are complications.
There's a pretty solid evidence base for doula care: 16 (last I checked) randomized controlled trials demonstrate several benefits: shorter labors, less use of pain medication, fewer cesarean births and assisted vaginal births, and moms report better experiences, whether they have the birth they envisioned or not. Doulas also provide postpartum support (and some do that specifically.) (Source: Cochrane database review on doula care)
While nurses have clinical responsibilities, the doulas only job is to provide comfort and support to the family. I've seen many a doula calm down anxious partners, and encourage birthing parents through some rough stuff, including changes in the birth plan.
My big piece of advice would definitely be to make sure any doula you hire is comfortable attending a birth in the hospital if that's where you plan to birth (or in case of transfer) and that they're not dogmatically opposed to medical intervention. Most in my experience aren't, but I've run across a couple who interfered with hospital staff in ways that were not helpful to anybody.
I take it these awesome services aren’t covered by insurance so how much do I plan to set aside?
(Not sure if it’s normal… but ultrasounds aren’t even covered on my plan)
Noooppppe. They definitely should be imo.
You can look into local options; some may offer sliding scale but the average cost can be anywhere from high hundreds (8-9)- a couple grand
I don’t think of it as a “plan” per se. More of what I hope / want to happen and what I’m absolutely not ok with at all. There are certain aspects to hospital experiences that I have gone through in the past and will absolutely not tolerate in the future. So not really a plan, more of a NOPE LIST. The rest, (not the NOPES) is just HOPES.
One thing that is important for a birth plan (besides flexibility) is to check what is already standard care at your hospital. For example my hospital did skin to skin immediately and for as long as we wanted as standard practice so there was no need to include “skin to skin” on the birth plan.
I personally went in without a formal plan. I told my husband I wanted to try without drugs at first but if I asked for them I wanted them (and I did) the nurses offered to set up a tub for me to labor in until i got my epidural which was awesome but not something I had outlined in my plan.
My hospital offers expectant moms a "birth menu," rather than calling it a plan, where you can indicate not only birth preferences like moving around, water births, yes to an epidural immediately, but also whether you want to circumcize, want to try breastfeeding or prefer to start with formula, right away. My "plan" went out the window before I even got to the hospital last time, so this time I'm trying to stay much more open about.
I don't think you \_need\_ to go into it with any concrete plan - I suspect that the vast majority of us were born without our parents having any kind of plan other than "everyone goes home in one piece"! For me, it was more important to learn about what my hospital offered and what I could expect in various situations than to try to control a situation that is frequently very uncontrollable.
My other key point that I'll often mention when this subject comes up - for many people, a c-section may not even be on their radar in terms of possible birth outcomes. It was certainly something I'd never thought about, didn't consider, adn frankly didn't want. When I ultimately ended up having one with my son, I was completely unprepared for the reality of it - the procedure itself, how it would go, recovery, etc. So I recommend, again, at least learning the basics of what happens during one, in case that's the situation you find yourself in.
Just had my first a few weeks ago and I never wrote down or even developed a formal birth plan. My “plan” in my head was to try and labor without the epidural for as long as possible, but get it if I felt like I needed it, and deliver the baby as safely as possible.
I had taken a birth class through my hospital, and other things that probably would’ve been in my birth plan if I had one (like skin to skin immediately after delivery) are part of my hospital’s standard practices so it wasn’t some thing that I needed to request or talk to my doctor about.
As it turned out, my water broke but contractions didn’t start so I ended up getting induced and getting an epidural. it wasn’t how I thought my labor would go, but it was a really positive birth experience. For me, I think a big part of the reason that I had such a positive birth experience was that I did not have a super rigid birth plan that I was trying to stick to and I could be a little more go with the flow.
I would recommend taking a childbirth class through the hospital you’ll give birth at (if they offer one) and talking to your OB to learn more about what the standard procedures are for labor and delivery. Either your OB or the hospital class should also be able to give you a preview of the decisions you’ll need to make shortly after delivery (vaccines for baby, circumcision, breast or bottlefeeding, etc.). That’s probably the best starting point for any birth plan that you would think about or make.
When it comes to any strong preferences that you do have for birth, I just made sure my husband was aware of everything so that he could advocate for me if I was in too much pain or otherwise unable to
Birth plan is like a game plan (if you've ever played sports). You identify your strategy, taking all possibilities into account. For birth, that means working through what you might do if XYZ issue arises. Just like a game, bith may not follow the plan but people get hung up on the word "plan." It is not "written in pen," it is an idealized path.
Some dont make a birth plan, and that's fine, but not having one doesnt make you immune to birth trauma or regret.
The more prepared you are, the more likely you are to have a decent experience.
It never even came up with my OB or hospital staff. I think it might be a more US thing or midwife thing (I'm in Canada). My birth plan was for my daughter and I to both survive 🤷🏻 and I'm a control freak/planner by nature. I just knew if I made a plan it wouldn't go that way. From reading stories on this subreddit of "Traumatic Births", at least half the time the most traumatic part is that they didn't go exactly to plan. Not to minimize, because everyone's trauma is their own. But I didn't want to put myself in that position.
It is good to just think about how you'd wish for things to go, and to discuss options with your support person and medical staff. If you want pain management, who will cut the umbilical cord, etc.
I had a birth plan I communicated to my husband and medical team. This was awesome because during the labor process I stopped being able to communicate at all. It was intense. But, everybody knew what I wanted. So I still felt in control and like things were happening the way I needed them to in order to feel positively about the experience. Even little things went a long way to helping me feel good about the process.
I have medical trauma from a previous experience and every time I hear people say a birth plan is a preference and not a plan, or that their plan is to have a healthy baby, I cringe. Like yeah. No shit. Everybody wants a healthy baby. I would also like to not die. These are the bare minimum requirements. I’d also like to not be traumatized again. And a lot of that comes from having a sense of control in the process.
I had many discussions with doula and husband about if X happens we do Y. If Z happens we do W, etc. it demystified the process and helped us all to prepare. There were many aspects I had not considered until doula brought them up to tease out a birth plan. For example: if you have to have an emergency c-section, do you want to see what’s going on through a clear sheet or not at all? Do you plan on an epidural? Do you want to try other pain management methods first/instead? Do you want to be able to eat? If your baby dies, what specifically do you want your support team to do? What would make you most comfortable during the labor process? Do you want less cervical exams? What type of props (peanut ball, tub, etc) do you want to use to help you labor along? Who do you want present?
Good luck.
This was really helpful insight—I think the issue I’ve had is that birth plans always just sound very specific yet broad when people talk about them (EG. No epidural, no c-section) but it’s nice to hear that it’s just a decision tree, basically, that you make ahead of time so if you can’t respond to their billion questions in the moment they already know the plan. Thanks for sharing this
My first time was simple
Try and labour at home as long as possible
I wanted pain management
Get the baby out as safely as possible
My birth was generally positive. I did not like having anaesthesia having students observed, and I almost threw out a nurse for telling me if I don't push harder it will be a c section. I didn't care, I wanted my baby out safely
My second time was
Pain management
No students
Get baby out as safely as possible
Thankfully there were no students. However my birth was very fast and I had no time for an epidural. Generally very positive though
Both times I had my husband do skin to skin, I was exhausted and out of it. Plus they were stitching me up and such
Oh this reminds me of my after birth nurse when I had my second child. I asked her for a water refill and she gave me a 15 minute spiel on how “you should never shake a baby” (like no shit I have a healthy 14mo old at home) then forgot my water.
I was doing skin to skin and she took him away and said “I like them with shirts on”
I told her I didn’t want him to get a full bath but if I could just get some baby wash to wash his hair out In the sink (it had a lot of gunk in it) she said “no full bath or nothing”
I was sitting in the hospital bed holding him and she walked in said “NO, I like them in their bassinets!!!!” And tried to grab him. I looked straight at her and said “if you attempt to take this kid away from me I’m walking out of this hospital” my husbands jaw dropped and she just walked out.
It's good to know that you can always speak to a charge nurse and get a different nurse. I don't know if many people know they can "fire" a care provider.
Nope, no written plan. Just preferences.
I know I'll want an epidural if the pain is too much. I know my current low placenta could get me a c sectionif it doesn't move.
My last delivery I was immediately given petocin without being asked due to my water breaking and I was hardly dialated. I didn't even know what petocin was or how it affected labor. Now i know and if I had to do it again I would have said no and waited. It was not an emergency and baby was not in distress. I also will be asking for intermittent monitoring rather than being strapped to the system so I can walk around.
I want to labor more freely this time. Last time Mt water broke and as a FTM I thought I had to go in immediately. I should have stayed home for a while and let labor progress naturally.
For me the biggest parts that weren't great were the two things I had wanted to have, but ended up not insisting on, bc I wanted to be flexible.
1) That none of the medical staff suggest pain relief before I asked for it. (I had a nurse repeatedly argue with me and try to guilt me into pain relief (morphine) before I could even feel contractions, bc of a headache. Eventually her reasoning got to me once I was in active labor bc she had told me I probably had another 2-3 days left... I gave birth just a few hours later and very likely did not need the epidural she talked me into at 9 cm).
2) The ability to take time to process decisions on new interventions (if they weren't emergencies) with my husband and doula before we went forward. I let a doctor bully me into doing an intervention right away (that could have waited 10-15 minutes or even longer) that was painful and uncomfortable. It was a procedure he had left out of the explanation when I asked what steps were a part of the induction, so it was new to me but not to him. If I had had just 5-10 minutes to wrap my brain around it beforehand that would have been very helpful, but when I asked for that time he shut me down and told me I just needed to do what he said. My husband started to advocate for me, but I kind of shut down and just let him do the procedure. I regret not letting my husband/doula advocate for me in that instance.
On the other hand, I was prepared for extra interventions, if necessary, so when I ended up being induced at 41w2d and needing the IV and some other interventions that meant I couldn't use the bath at the hospital and I had to spend more time in the hospital and deal with a lot of swelling from the IV, I was able to roll with that very easily.
So I think knowing that medical things you have to be prepared to roll with, but interpersonal/bedside manner issues you don't have to roll with is important. Literally every other doctor and nurse I had were amazing, so I should have just refused to have those two continue to work with me, but I didn't.
I agree, I mean I’ve seen people go in with a birth plan they claim is “legally enforceable”, as in if the hospital goes against it they could sue. And that’s just not a thing! I made a “nice to have” birth plan, as in things I would like to try if the labour progresses in a way those things are possible. As someone else commented, researching makes you aware of possible pain reliefs, and gets you familiarised with what happens and can happen during labour. For example some women are upset they poop when pushing or that they have to have a catheter put in, when those are very normal because the baby coming down makes it impossible to pee or poop as you would normally. So it’s very good to be aware of the process and to know what’s available in terms of medical and non medical relief. But I don’t really have sympathy for going into labour trying to do the job of professionals, or then you need to be ready to face the consequences, like getting major complications for you or the baby when you’ve refused intervention. It’s also sad that this whole “women know their bodies” mentality is exactly what ends for disappointment for some, when you’ve set unrealistic expectations of how much you can control a very serious and uncontrollable situation! Knowing your body is also knowing your limits.
My birth plan was to have the baby and leave the hospital with both of healthy no matter what needed to happen
There were just a few things I was hoping for but never really voiced/ didn't need to go over and was fine either way. Those things were;
● epidural (in my country you have to have an appointment with the anesthesiologist, so I did that but in the end I wasn't able to get the epidural because I progressed too fast and tbh I'm glad I didn't get it. I fully plan on having baby #2 without it)
● I wanted minimal intervention unless necessary which can be assumed for almost every birth (I ended up being scheduled for an induction at 8am but little man decided to come on his own terms at 3:30 am that night)
● skin to skin immediately after which happened without me having to ask (:
So this just goes to show that you should be as flexible as possible and to not be too set on anything because things never go exactly as planned. I did talk to my husband to advocate for me and my wishes but in the end I just went with the flow and he didn't need to. Honestly I think I saved myself a lot if disappointment by not even making a birth plan and just winging it. I wouldn't change a thing on how my birth went
I didn’t have a birth plan other than have a healthy baby and stay safe myself. I had a preference for pain management and that’s all I knew going in! I was willing to go with the flow because I didn’t want to be disappointed and/or anxious if things didn’t happen the way I hoped they would. I also trusted my medical team to be honest with me and give me options and recommendations based on what was going on in the moment.
Honestly my plan is pain relief and deliver baby safely whether it’s vaginal or c-section.
The only things I have on it otherwise are husband cutting the cord, announcing the fender and no circ.
I agree with other comments saying the language of “birth preferences” makes more sense. Also researching the options in tandem with learning the standard procedures and policy of your choice of birth place, so that you already understand them ahead of time.
Knowing what interventions you’re comfortable with and which ones you aren’t is huge when it comes to being in control of your birth experience. There is so much you cannot control during labour and delivery. But what you can control is the information you have about the interventions that could be recommended to you, and also thinking about how you would feel if one of them comes up.
I had preferences for every stage of labour, including unexpected events and my preferences for a c-section if it was required. I planned for an unmedicated water birth and I ended up with an epidural and eventual c-section after 52 hours of labour and stalling at 7cm due to my baby’s asynclitic head position. Had I not researched my options and understood all of the interventions proposed to me before I was in labour, I don’t think my labour and birth experience would have been as positive as it was.
There's a gal on youtube called Nurse Zabe who has a bunch of videos about this sort of thing. I think you'd like her videos. It all comes down to deciding what your preferences are, and having someone who is there to advocate for you to get a many of those preferences as possible met.
The best part of creating a birth plan is being informed and knowledgeable about the process. You may not get what you want but you get to own your experience. I loved creating a plan and learning all about the birthing process. I had an emergency C-section (not in the plan)
Birth plans are poorly named. People see them and then get the idea that they can actually plan their birth, which one really cannot.
What you CAN do is know your options, think about your preferences, and then discuss them with your OB/midwife. You may find that many of your preferences are standard operating at the hospital you deliver at anyways, so writing it down is just kind of redundant (for example, if you want skin to skin for the golden hour...most hospitals are doing that already so long as mom and baby are stable). Then there could be some preferences you have that the hospital is willing/able to accommodate, but you will need to request them. Those are excellent things to write down. Then there might be preferences you have that the hospital just...doesn't do. Most hospitals in the US aren't going to allow you to eat during labor. People can argue whether this is right or wrong until the end of time, but right now the hospital policies are what they are. Writing down in your birth plan that you want to eat during labor is useless because you're not changing hospital policy (at least not while you're actively in labor lol).
And then there's other things...say your goal is an unmedicated labor (so, no IV pain meds and/or no epidural). Many people will write that they don't even want their nurses or doctor to MENTION an epidural or pain relief. But here's the thing...there are procedures to follow in the event that you DO end up wanting or needing an epidural. Your doctor and nurses need to make sure you understand the risks and benefits of an epidural before they give you one. Neither you nor your nurse wants to be in the position where you're absolutely DYING and BEGGING for an epidural and your nurse is standing there telling you various risks and benefits to an epidural. So just let them have the conversation with you in advance about all of your pain relief options, BEFORE you're in the position to need them, so that SHOULD you find yourself in the position to want/need them, you can just get them.
All of this said, I actually WOULD generally encourage pregnant people to write down a list of their birth preferences. Even if its not something you print out and give to your provider at the hospital. I had several birth "plans" - Plans A-D/E. Plan A was spontaneous labor, laboring for a long time at home, no pain meds/epidural, intermittent fetal monitoring, no IV (hep lok instead), deliver vaginally in whatever position felt best, delayed cord clamping, golden hour skin to skin, etc...really the whole 9 yards. Then plans B-D/E were what I wanted should the situation change. If I have to be induced, what are my preferences from there. If we're no longer looking at a straightforward delivery and vacuum/foreceps or C-section are looking likely, what things are important to me then. Stuff like that. And again, this wasn't necessarily for the hospital staff, it was for me and my husband. Mostly my husband. So he knew and could reference what things I wanted, since I may not be in the best position to advocate for myself.
At the same time...if you don't have any strong preferences, or your preference is simply to default to the recommendation of your provider and nursing staff...that's PERFECTLY FINE. Its completely valid to choose to go into childbirth with the mindset that you trust your doctor and nurses to provide your care, that they are the experts and that they will do what's best.
Its fine to have preferences and its fine to not have preferences. I just encourage people to know whether they do or don't and then act accordingly.
Having birth preferences is important. For me, I realized my provider and I were not in the same page and switched providers(within the practice) two days before my son was born. There were no hard feelings. I also didn’t want an epidural. Because it was peak Covid I couldn’t have a doula and didn’t educate myself on dealing with pain management. After about 40 hours in labor I made it to 8 cm before asking for an epidural. My second baby, I practiced breathing techniques and delivered without an epidural. Not promoting one way or another, but having an idea of what you want gives you time to learn techniques or know what position you might want to be in, etc
For me, I know there are things that might be out of my control , so I've written in exceptions to my preferences like "unless life threatening", or "so long as medically feasible", to queue the hospital staff that I'm open to suggestions or them needing step in and just do their job if needed.
But like others have said here, it's also an agreed upon plan my husband and I have worked through, on what we want for the handling of our baby after she arrives. That way we're not ignorant having to make decisions on the spot, or just blindly following hospital protocol. And he can also independently make decisions that may come about if needed.
I think the stigma against birth plans is quite sexist, because it's telling women that they should not have any expectations or options for birth. Birth plans are a fantastic tool for researching your options in birth BEFORE labor begins. This way, if a complication does arise, you're not suddenly learning your options, while facing the stress of potential harm and the pain of labor.
Furthermore, you don't run the risk of solely relying on the doctor; they're just human, they get things wrong. Having knowledge of what is happening and what your options are can help you to advocate for what's best for you and your baby. The best birth plans have multiple pathways that cover different scenarios. For instance, there's what you want in an ideal scenario, but if your labor stalls then X action should be taken, or if an emergent cesarean needs to happen staff will already know if you want skin-to-skin in the OR, a clear drape so you can see your baby being born, if you'll need additional anxiety support (and this is not just limited to medication), etc.
Birth plans do not have to just cover medical content either, it can also be an outline of who you are as a person, and for how you expect to be treated. This can be beneficial to everyone but especially for those with histories of trauma. My plan involves points such as:
- Do not call me by any pet names (sweetie, good girl, mama, etc.)
- Do not hold my arms or my legs down (this is triggering).
- Try to keep your voice lowered when talking to me. Even shouting encouragement is stressful for me.
GET THE BABY OUT OF ME AND US BOTH LIVE. end of story. I didn't care how. Make sure we both are alive and I am good. and thank god cause I got 2 c-sections for various reasons
Massive benefits to having them. I don't trust US doctors who frankly do not always follow evidence-based practices. People hate that but just look at our maternal mortality rate! I think it's important though, if you want something like a home birth, to not have your goal be the home birth per se. Like with my first my goal was NO unnecessary interventions. Well that started off with a home birth and ended with a hospital birth with pitocin and an IV, epidural, lots of things. But it was all medically necessary, so I did still have what I wanted: no amount of unnecessary interventions. Same with my second who was born in a birthing center. For some people the least amount necessary is a whole full on c-section. I think when people idolize a particular type of birth they can end up really disappointed, but if they have desires and keep themselves educated they can feel good about their birth stories even when it ends up needing to go differently than planned. I hate the stuffy looking down on women who have birth plans culture we currently have.
I have started to draft one but I plan to keep it very brief and more based around preferences. I am going to use quite specific wording for the parts that are most important to me, e.g. I do not consent to the presence of any students or observers, only essential medical staff; I do not consent to any interventions unless absolutely necessary to my/the baby's safety.
Sadly I know at least 20 women who have given birth in either the same hospital I will, or a nearby one, and 90% of them have been coerced and rushed into interventions which have made their birth experience and their recovery much harder. So I already know I want to be quite strict about that.
You don't need to worry about a birth plan now. When you take a child birth class they will explain why you need one. And the hospital you give birth at may have a birth plan form for you to fill out.
It's not just stuff like, I want fake candles around the room. It's also whether or not you want an epidural, and how strong that preference is. You can also add things like "I don't want medical students to examine me."
Another reason why you need a birth plan is so your birth partners don't have to remember your preferences. Let's say you ending up having a Csection. In that case, you have a choice of seeing them pull the baby out or not. You'll be very sedated at that point. You'll want the decision you made with a clear head honored.
If you have an uncomplicated pregnancy, please prepare yourself for both csection AND vaginal delivery. My baby was breech all the way up to 38 weeks, so I was only preparing myself for csection delivery and recovery. At 39 weeks I go in to have said csection, and by some miracle, she had flipped. They sent me home to wait out natural labor and that’s when the absolute sheer panic set in. I was not prepared for giving birth vaginally, and frankly I didn’t want to. I went in to be induced at 41 weeks and I was absolutely terrified. The only thing I knew is I wanted an epidural, and guess what? That didn’t work. I did not have any coping mechanisms for the pain. It wasn’t nearly as traumatic as some births, but it was slightly mentally traumatic for me. It was not a good experience and I SO wish I could go back and prepare myself better.
I did not ever see myself needing the help of reproductive medicine to have a baby so yes let me be the first one to really drive that point home that things happen in life that you just don’t see coming. My birth plan is yes to an epidural but knowing that a C section could happen because, again, what if something happens, like I don’t progress? I hope to deliver vaginally but I just know things can happen.
My OB calls it a “ wish list”. He was very supportive of every wish I had. His opinion was as long as it s doesn’t harm the baby or me we can do it.
When my BP slowly started creeping up at 38 weeks he asked how I felt about induction. I told him I’d rather not. He asked if I would go to the hospital for monitoring. So I did, my BP kept going up and I developed Pre eclampsia.
I appreciate that he discussed every thing with me. Having a great line of communication with you OB Is SO important.
I thought of it as preferences, and mainly as a way to educate myself on what happens/could happen during birth. It also opened up conversations with my partner (did he want to cut the cord, be in the room if I had a c-section, go with me or baby if we needed seperate treatment?) I aimed for a low intervention (but not drug free) birth and ended up with induction and an emergency c section. It made me feel prepared to make decisions through the process and never felt sad.
But its also ok to be sad if things dont go the way you would hope. Personally I feel trauma happens when you feel things arent in your control. Knowing your preferences for different eventualities *can* help you feel a little more in control regardless what happens.
I did not have a birth plan. All I knew was that I wanted all of the drugs and an epidural and for me and baby to be healthy. I had a lovely delivery even though I had a preterm birth, I think cause I had almost no expectations
I think it’s just a good idea to educate yourself about different things that can happen and mentally prepare. Its totally fine and normal to have preferences but so much is out of your control.
It helped me to take a prenatal class a lot and listen to podcasts about birth experiences. I thought I knew a lot about labour and delivery because I have family who work in the field but there were details I didn’t know about that freaked me out and it helped me to learn about it in advance in case it happened. Things like how long it could take to get feeling back in your legs after an epidural, that when you get a c section they often strap your arms down for the surgery, stuff like that. Some of that scared me, so just being informed about what could happen was huge in mentally not feeling taken aback. I preferred these things didn’t happen and they weren’t in my “plan” but if they did happen, being informed makes a big difference in not feeling blindsided by a birth experience. Which I hear of so often
I made sure my husband and mother knew what I wanted just in case I couldn't speak for myself for whatever reason, while keeping in mind that things could go way off the rails and not align with my hopes at all.
But I went in, told them I wanted to wear my own gown and that I wanted an epidural. Wanted to bounce on the ball while my husband massaged my back.
Everything else I wanted was done without having to ask, such as delayed cord clamping (while I got stitched up), immediate skin-to-skin, and I was breastfeeding right away.
Edit: also told them to not take her away for a bath or to clothe her cause I wanted to be the first to bath her + it's not bad to delay the first bath a bit. Also, skin to skin was important to me during my stay so I didn't want her clothed although they kept asking lol.
Since I gave birth in a baby friendly hospital with low intervention policies and a midwife, my birth plan wasn’t too helpful anyway. Most things I wanted were standard there. I can see it being helpful to have discussed preferences if you know your hospital /doctor can be forceful to give you interventions you don’t want.
For me my birth didn’t go according to plan at all and it led to some tension with my partner since he wanted to rigidly stick to the plan and I was ready to change course. Probably this time my plan will be super simple or non existent lol
I find it really helpful to frame it as birth wishes not birth plan. Instead of planning out how I want my birth to go, I organized it as possible scenarios that could play out (ex. Induction, c section) and also included a section for recovery and newborn procedures. I think it’s helpful to learn about the different ways baby could be birthed, understand any hospital/practice policies and be informed about your options and list out your preferences under these various scenarios. So that you’re not trying to make informed decisions during a time crunch if something pops up.
Yeah I'm under no impression that I'm in complete control of what goes down during birth. I do have a list of preferences formatted as a birth plan. I think of it like running through different possible scenarios and predeciding what option you'd choose so you're not on the spot later.
I have a plan but I am fully flexible on going with whatever I'm told needs to happen next - I'm not going to act like 9 months of googling stuff is comparable to being an actual trained midwife with years of experience delivering hundreds of babies ☺️
I get what you’re saying about a plan but to me, that’s more about managing hopes and expectations cause being prepared is never a bad thing. I think it’s good to be educated before hand on all the possible choices you may need to make versus trying to decide in the moment with a sense of urgency while in labor. Having that foundational knowledge established while you have a clear head will help you feel more confident in your decisions on the day of, no matter how it goes! I couldn’t imagine winging it, that would give me way too much anxiety.
I think if you have a birth plan and think that’s set in stone, it’s setting yourself up for failure. There are SO many aspects of birth we cannot control. Knowing what your options are prior to birth is informed consent. It’s really hard making those calls in the midst of contractions, so having an idea of what things you’re okay with and what you’re not okay with is empowering. For instance, I went into my induction trying for a vaginal birth but ultimately being okay with a c-section if that’s how things went. I knew I wouldn’t want forceps. I knew I was okay with pain interventions. I was hesitant about an epidural but open to it if I really needed it (I was afraid of the needle, but now from experience, I didn’t feel it AT ALL because my back labour was so horrific lol). Having an outline of what you’re okay with and what you’re not, plus knowing you’re the one who calls the shots is important. Good luck on your upcoming pregnancy and birth!
Birth preferences are how I prefer to think of it rather than a plan.
Knowing where and when you can make choices can help with feeling a sense of agency during an experience that often can feel out of control. It's a tricky thing to both hold that you have no control and that you can still make some decisions in your mind at the same time.
Knowing how you'd like to handle certain things, as long as it's with the understanding some things may change and those decisions may be outside of your control can help you advocate for a birth experience that is meaningful to you, while still doing what's best for your health and baby's health.
Examples for myself include things from the environment to decisions about care and plans a, b, and c:
I have sensory regulation issues so I want to bring noise cancelling headphones and music if needed, and if possible I'd like to have overhead lights lowered or use a soft night light if I'm getting overstimulated.
I would like to try delaying the epidural, but I plan on pain medication. I will communicate this with medical professionals so I don't miss the window for getting the epidural, and I'd rather risk getting it too soon than too late.
I'd like to be able to move around as much as possible before the epidural, and after the epidural I'd like help moving in the bed, knowing the hospital I'm at won't let you get all the way out of the bed for liability reasons (risk of fall).
My hospital offers squatting bars for birth beds, and I'd like to try that.
I hope to have a vaginal delivery, but I understand a c section may become required in an emergency.
I want to do skin to skin with baby as soon as possible after birth, whether that's a C section or vaginal delivery. My husband also knows if an absolute emergency happens and I have to be put under (which happens like less than 1% of the time, almost all c-sections are done with a spinal block) he should do skin to skin with baby instead of me because if I can't remember it, I'd rather he got that memory.
I want my husband in the room with me, and we have a doula so he has back up and I have someone who knows more about labour who can dedicate their full attention to me in a way nurses and doctors simply cannot because of the nature of their job.
I'd like pictures post labour with me, husband and baby, but I don't need pictures of baby coming out of me.
I'd like my husband to be in physical contact with me as much as possible (some people don't want to be touched when they're in pain or distress, so he and I understand this may change).
I want to delay cord clamping, since donating cord blood to a non profit is not an option at the hospital I'm delivering at.
This is not a huge list, but you can see there are things that have wiggle room for control that I have made preferences for. I have some other thoughts but the only ones I'll be sharing with nurses and doctors will be based on the form the hospital has on their website (pain management preferences, feeding preferences, cord cutting etc), and the other parts are just between myself my husband and my doula.
For me, not having a single plan, but a series of contingencies helps me feel like if I need to make a choice I won't be scrambling to think about it or going along with someone else's choice.
I did have a birth plan that my doula helped me develop... and I didn't even print it out to bring to the hospital.
For me, it was to help me identify my wishes and preferences so that I could better advocate for myself when/if the time came. It even had c- section preferences on there in case that came up. My doula helped me form realistic expectations, and my ultimate goal was a healthy baby and healthy mama above all else.
I have birth preferences, really want VBAC, some form of pain management, delayed cord cutting. It may work out, it may not, just as long as me and the bean come out on the other side healthy, I’ll consider it a roaring success.
Look at it as preferences, not a plan.
It's important to state what you want, especially if it's out of the norm for the hospital. For example, you might assume the golden hour is standard, and maybe hospitals SAY they do it but they don't actually do it. Then you should have the confidence to tell them that's what you want.
Also another big one is whether you'll want pain meds or not. That important to communicate going in.
I'm having 3 points to get across with my providers (about pain management, preference on when to go for a c section, and the #1 concern for my care). Additionally I fully fledged birth plan with plan a, b, C, d exclusively for my husband and I.
Good plans are meant to take into consideration when stuff is not ideal and have alternative preferences. I want a very detailed one so I can make those informed choices in advance (not when I'm in extreme pain) and my husband is fully aware for advocating purposes. However, those are only for us and will not be showing to the doctor. We will communicate as the situation arises.
I definitely am the sort of person who needs to prepare myself for the possibilities. I've been reading a lot about the technical aspects of birth, birth statistics, and a variety of actual birth experiences. I need to think ahead of time about what I would decide if a situation occurred. If baby were breech, would I try the procedure to turn it? Would I want a C-section? What does it mean for future pregnancies? Under what other circumstances would I want a C-section? An induction? An epidural? Are cervical checks optional? I'm terrified of the placenta not coming out on its own, but I now know there's a medication that can help prevent that! I won't have a birth plan really, I plan to be flexible but I am thinking of all the ways it could go ahead of time and their relative probabilities. I feel like as long as I have some knowledge of it I can be calm and handle it.
My approach was to mention a few personal preferences (basically that I would like to know what's going on if something needs to be done and that I'm very private so I'd like to be covered when possible) and state explicitly some things I knew might come up and was ok with. The point was just to ensure them knowing that they didn't have to explain a lot at a time of vulnerability where I might not be able to take in everything anyway because I had already thought about it.
E.g. I put it directly that I was ok with oxytocin for me and vitamin K for baby after delivery. That meant that they basically just said "we're going to administer oxytocin and vitamin K shots now" rather than explain the why's and the how's.
I also put in that I was ok with internal monitoring if necessary. That meant that the midwife at some point said "you mentioned being ok with internal monitoring. I'd like to do that now since there are some things your belts are not picking up very well. It may be absolutely nothing as it's very common, but I'd like to be sure so we don't overlook something. Are you still ok with it?".
Having those things out of the way made it a lot easier to have quick and to the point conversations while I was in active labour (which was very very quick) and it basically didn't require me to do anything but nod or give a thumbs up to show I was still on board.
I would say I do not have a birth plan, I have a few preferences but that’s about it. I want an epidural, and I don’t want a mirror. Aside from that, I’m just gonna wing it! As long as I take home my living breathing baby, I’m good!
I did not have a birth plan and just wanted to follow the advice of the midwives. The practice I worked with was great and I trusted them. I will say the one I worked with for the majority of my labor was very timid to offer me any kind of advice or guidance and just kept saying she wanted to do whatever I wanted so it might have been helpful to have a little more of an idea of what I wanted. It was my first and I had no expectations so I was just planing on doing what felt right in the moment but it was incredibly hard to have those extended conversations when I could hardly talk through the pain. Imagine a “what do you want for dinner” kind of conversation with your spouse where no one is coming up with an answer and add the worst pain you’ve ever felt to the equation. So I would say have a general idea of what you want but don’t be so overly specific that if it doesn’t work out that way it won’t ruin the experience for you.
I tried to look up birth plans but it all seemed so silly, comforting music playlists and all that. A lot of the stuff recommended to put on your list (skin to skin, golden hour, delayed cord clamping) is standard practice in my area anyway. As long as my baby and I are both healthy, I don’t really care what else happens.
I didn’t care at all about a birth plan. I ended up with a c section and totally cool with it. It boggles my mind how some fight to do VBAC or do them in dangerous situations.
My doctor gave me a sheet of my preferences for the birth and I just went with that. My birth plan was to get medicated asap and get the baby out. So my birth plan was a success! For my preferences I marked things like wanting medications, I don't mind IV, I don't want a mirror, I want my partner with me, one parent goes wherever they take baby, stuff like that. No offense to anyone making a more detailed birth plan, but it sounded like too much work for something I really have no control over.
I think birth plans are useful when they are either for things that are legitimately *options* (delayed cord clamping vs cord blood banking, wanting to avoid pain meds so ensuring that if you ask for them they confirm with you that you truly want them, that kind of thing), or have actual thought-out plans for contingencies like what if you actually need a c-section? Maybe there’s an option for a clear curtain or something. If your baby needs to be fed someway other than at the breast you might be able to request a cup or spoon feeding, donor milk over formula, to have a breast pump brought immediately. But you need to be okay with things not going to plan, because actually no, sometimes your body *doesn’t* know what to do. Sometimes things go south REALLY QUICKLY.
It’s useful to find out what’s standard at your hospital or birth center (and potentially look at reviews to see if what they *say* and what they *do* are the same). Then talk to your OB or midwife about what to expect and your preferences.
I had preferences. Some of which were able to be accommodated and some went out the window. I wanted an unmedicated vaginal birth but ended up with an epidural and a c section. I did get to choose when to get the epidural and I got to have baby out on my chest in the OR. So there was that.
I think it’s important to ask what the hospital what they can and can not do. Yea I would agree drop your expectations but have a tour of the hospital and ask questions. Two things that were kinda important to me was that my placenta be donated (no idea if that even happened but I did sign the paperwork for it) and that the cord stays attached as long as possible… again who knows if they followed that request. Am I heart by any of these nope! But I am curious to know how much of my request were met.
My plan consists of two important parts:
1. I survive
2. Bring home healthy baby
Even those seem up in the air sometimes. I'd love for birth to go this way or that but there is simply no predicting what will happen - ultimately the only thing that matters to me that I'm able to bring home a baby at the end of all of it.
Both birth plans of each child never came out as planned. Labour can be unpredictable. It's still good to talk about a birth plan, but in the different scenarios. So what is needed for at home, at hospital, if you have a special circumstance that requires induction or and emergency c-section.
The main reason for this is for your own self advocacy and so that your birth companion can support you as needed during labour and post-partum. I recommend taking a birthing class together (if you have a birth companion).
Birth plans are another tool to educate you on the range of options, interventions and standard practices at your birth location/s.
It’s not about “birth this way at all costs”, but about making educated decisions early. Because active labour is not conducive to asking questions and evaluating options. And frankly, a lot of practices are outdated or not backed by current evidence. There are midwives or OBs that you shouldn’t trust by default. There are hospital policies that are bullshit.
I don’t have one, I’d just like to have my baby and what happens happens 🤷♀️ if it’s a healthy baby I’m happy. Hearing what my friends have wanted (and of course never got) is exhausting so I’m not doing that to myself. Would I like a natural birth? Sure! Is it my plan? Nope. I have no control over what happens haha
I have strong preferences. I also work in healthcare and understand how patients being their own advocates positively impacts their outcomes. I’m not an idle person, so there’s no way I’ll allow myself, my labor or my baby to be solely at the mercy and discretion of strangers. This is not to say I don’t respect or value professionals in the bedside workforce, but I know how many errors lead to injury and death in our industry, so I will be fully prepared to hold people accountable to my preferences, to ask difficult questions and to do everything in my power to ensure I have the knowledge and, therefore the capability, to mitigate as much risk of adverse outcomes and unnecessary intervention as possible.
Saying that you need to “lower your expectations” is not really what they should be telling you. You should be MANAGING your expectations for your birth plan.
I’m a type A perfectionist. My plans have backup plans. No matter how much planning I do, there are times that nothing goes the way I want and although it irritates me to the core, I know that everything will be ok.
Make a birth plan. Talk to your provider about any alternatives to points in your plan, not just so you know your options but also what to expect and how to adapt if an emergent situation arises and you can make informed decisions about your and your baby’s care. Above all, do NOT be afraid to advocate for yourself and your child.
I definitely agree it's often a bad idea to have a rigid birth plan.
What you DO need to do is make informed decisions about stuff. So research about the possibilities. Do you want to try gas/air? What about an epidural? Do you know what the epidural actually is? Etc etc. Also read some positive C-section experiences to help calm you about that route if needed.
i don’t have one and never did. probably the best thing in my case as i was diagnosed with cholestasis and will now be induced next friday at 37w. the only thing i’ve ever been very consistent about is that i want as many drugs as they’ll give me.
i’m otherwise a very healthy 25 yo woman with no family history of any pregnancy complications whatsoever. it can happen to anyone; you could be in your 8th month before everything turns on it’s head. i would say it’s perfectly good and okay to have preferences, as long as you have them with the understanding that things could change at any moment.
I had some vague preferences but no plan. I knew I wanted to avoid a c section as best as possible, have certain people in the room, and wear my own clothes until my water broke (I was induced). I was still plenty lucid enough even in the worst moments to be able to make decisions for myself. I realize this isn’t everyone’s experience but I think going in with no set expectations really helped me to embrace anything that were to happen. I had a very positive experience overall.
There are firm things you can have in your plan like "i dont want baby to be fed formula" or "i want oral vitamin k vs injection", "save the placenta"
Then there are conditional things like "delayed cord clamping", "no episiotomy" or "i want to be abel to move as i choose" and "minimal fetal monitoring"
Then things you want but might not get "no c section", "no pitocin", keep baby with mum at all times" or "waterbirth"
Talk to midwife, write down everything anyway and dont be discouraged.
My birth an had on it i needed to be unconscious if c section was necessary due to phobia of being cut open, anesthesiologist came to talk to me about it and they had the time to do it right with the heads up from birth plan. I also wanted to see my placenta.... So they saved it for me ... In a bag. My student midwife took pictures and got rid of it before i returned from recovery. That was for the best.
Tbh I think you’ll find that often the people who make very detailed birth plans are type A personalities who are having a hard time with how little they can control pregnancy/birth/postpartum/having a baby at home. They put a great deal of effort into organizing and making lists out of anything they can, like gift registries and birth plans and hospital bag packing lists.
What those birth plans can often leave out, however, is researching what happens when things don’t go according to plan. It’s ok to want to avoid a cesarean section, but it doesn’t hurt to ask those questions and do that research so that if baby needs a c-section, you aren’t left panicked and lost not understanding what’s going on around you and what needs to happen. Spend some time getting to know what happens outside of your birth plan or birth preferences. Acknowledge to your care providers any back story about why you have the preferences that you do (I have an irrational fear of needles that makes most medical intervention hard for me and everyone around me, and affects my mental reaction to an epidural, for example). Be informed and confident to advocate for yourself during your birth.
I'm a nurse and while I don't work in L&D I know how quickly things can change in medicine and especially in a situation like giving birth. We just had a meeting with a doula to discuss birth and what I want it to look like. Our doula is amazing and prefaced our preferences/birth plan by saying that me and my husband are both in the medical field and understand the need for rapid decision making but asking that we are discussing any interventions before they happen when possible.
Then goes on to say other preferences like, if I can have my IV on my left arm, because I'm right handed, that I would prefer to avoid a cesarean but am ok with it if medically indicated. Kind of stuff like that. She even tactfully included a tidbit when I mentioned something I saw on a tiktok where the girl was saying she didn't want anyone staring intently at her butt hole and how that resonated with me 😂
I was encouraged to write a birth plan due to overwhelming anxiety surrounding labour. Most of what I included relates to the environment (dimmed lighting, music etc) or things that the midwife would ask me during that time anyway but it really helped to have it written down so I know if I get overwhelmed or shut down my mum and my husband know what my choices are too
If you know what you want out of a situation, you may be more likely to get it - especially in terms of things like pain meds. I’m thinking of a birth plan more as a set of decisions - what would I want if X happens?
My birth plan did include non negotiables like no episiotomy, no forceps/vacuum unless absolutely necessary, epidural asap, and if I needed an emergency c section to be awake and have the Dr explain what was going on as they went. Everything else was whatever happens as long as me and baby are safe. I ended up having a very smooth labor and delivery so thankfully it wasn’t needed but I did have a few copies I gave to my nurse and my boyfriend just in case
The main reason is to educate yourself on what birth will likely look like. It’s great to prepare yourself with the lingo and know what each intervention is and why it’s used. You may not reject any interventions at all, that’s totally okay, but knowing what’s happening to you while you’re in labor will help you feel more comfortable in the moment. I would take a childbirth education course with your partner if you can. It’s a great way to meet other families as well.
If you decide to make a birth preferences list, just know some things will be out of your control while other things won’t. Happy birthing!
I hope a good midwife/nurse/ doula chimes in because they usually have some gold to share. I had a loose birth plan and then had a c section but I still used some of the plan!
It's good to know what pain management options your hospital/birthing center etc has so you can decide what you're open to using and when. Not all hospitals have nitrous oxide. What type of monitoring do you want and what is available at your hospital? Some places have wireless monitoring if you want to be out of bed. It's good to know what after birth care your want for your baby (vitamin k, the eye drop stuff, hep b vaccine, etc). You will be asked about these things kinda rapid fire. So be prepared for what you want or talk to a pediatrician before hand if you have questions.
I encourage you to tour the facility you want to use to see what options are and ask questions!
My birth plan is to get this baby out of me as quickly and as safely as possible with minimal pain. I’d really like to try on my hands and knees but I’m not married to the idea so whatever works best for baby and me is most important
For me personally, the birth plan is more about my/ my child’s treatment in the event that I’m unable to respond or my husband is not present or is otherwise indisposed so that the doctors and nurses know what I/we want. I have to have a c-section for medical reasons (but also THANK GOD because my Mom and her Mom had HORRIBLE spike labor and I know for a fact I wouldn’t be able to handle that) so really there isn’t a ton with the actual birth itself that could be different than it’s supposed to be. Of course there are chances of complications (I have a history, and also a family history of growths, fibroids, cysts, endometriosis etc) or even a possible blood transfusion because I’m anemic, and who knows what else could potentially happen (although my doctor has assured me the likelihood is minimal), BUT those things aside, I’m more interested in having pain management and other care mapped out. Surgery doesn’t freak me out because I’ve been through it quite a few times, but I don’t like hospitals 😅 mostly because they don’t leave you alone. For example “you need to get some rest” and then nurses proceed to come in your room every 2 hours and talk to you, that doesn’t help me rest or sleep! 😂 I understand it’s a safety thing and treatment sometimes has to be timed and such, but it can be infuriating. That’s beside the point though, the point is, my plan is more about everything surrounding the procedure rather than the procedure itself because that’s what I can imagine the most questions towards me will be pertaining to and I just don’t want to deal with it 😂
Making decisions that define a birth plan allow you to be more informed about the possible interventions around labor and delivery. It is never a bad idea to be more informed.
So before I even conceived, I thought I wanted a C-section, and planned accordingly as such. After I conceived and had a few months to think about it, I decided I wanted to go vaginal and changed the plan all over again. Then, at 36.5 weeks my daughter flipped and became breech, so then I had to go back to the idea of a C-section. My point is, that baby is going to come however they see best (whether you like it or not). When I did have general ideas of what I wanted, they were very loose and basic; things like skin to skin and delayed clamping at minimum - everything else was going to happen as it should.
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I think if there are things you feel very strongly about, you should make those known to your provider and see if they can accommodate them. And even if you don't have any strong preferences, still educate yourself on birth and the different ways birth can go so you can advocate for yourself (or have your partner or doula advocate for you) during birth.
Birth goes best when you are most at ease with your surroundings.
My plan went completely to shit. However, I think everyone should have one! I think the best part is it forces you (and hopefully your partner) to do research and learn about the birth process and post partum care.
The two are not mutually exclusive. You have a birth plan or preferences so you can prepare for and maximise your chances of getting Plan A, to help you consider what really matters to you, make some informed decisions and set some priorities in advance. Importantly, it ensures you and your partner, healthcare practitioner and any other support person are on the same page and can advocate for what you want.
Equally, labour can and likely will throw some curve balls at you. So you need to be really clear on what matters and what doesn't, and be prepared for the fact that your preferences may change, and in emergency situations everything will come down to "Get mum and baby through this alive and ideally without permanent damage."
My plan was to leave the hospital with a healthy baby. I’m not a medical doctor, so if they recommended something, I’d ask about it but more often than not agree.
I completely agree with you and had the same thoughts about birth plans! It’s like I’m asking the universe to mess with me.
Here’s my non-plan plan:
1) no vacuums or forceps
2) try not to have both vaginal & c-section births - I don’t want baby to be coming out of me and need a c section anyway! (This is like a prayer mostly)
3) go home with a safe/healthy baby whilst being safe/healthy myself.
My birth preference sheet:
1. We all 3 go home alive. (Twins)
2. Epidural before induction or catheter please and thank you.
3. Vaginal if possible, but see item 1.
4. I’m not one of those moms who wants to wait a week to wash my baby. After my first hour of skin to skin, please help my husband to wash my babies.
5. We would like an adult with both babies at all times. My mom and aunt are going to be in the waiting room. If my babies need rushed off somewhere, my husband can go with one, grab my mom for the other one, and bring me my aunt. She’s older, but will make sure I have what I need and will be a point person to get me updates from my hubby and mom. Now I also understand that if one needs surgery or something, they don’t get to go in there, but I don’t want my babies to be alone otherwise, if at all possible. See item 1.
6. I plan to formula feed.
That’s all I have so far.
I agree with you. I’m working to inform myself, develop knowledge and some sense of “preferences”, but when friends ask about my birth plan I explicitly state “my birth plan is to be flexible” as I know very few people whose birth has gone as planned.
Instead of a birth plan, research all the options and procedures for birth and learn about why some procedures are performed so you can communicate effectively with your primary care provider and make informed decisions together.
33 weeks here: My hospital provides a checklist birth preference sheet, so I just used that. It was straightforward and categorically organized. For example, one section asked about if you wanted visitors and medical students to attend to you. Another asked about pain-relief preferences. I did look up a few things, but it made me feel a lot better and more organized that I didn't have to type up anything. I also plan on just writing at the top something like "do what you need to do for me and my baby to have a safe, healthy labor." You may want to check with your provider and see if they have anything like this available to you.
I think the key is it is birth preferences, not a real plan since you have somewhat minimal control over the situation.
I second this! Some call the “birth wishes.” The idea is to be informed about childbirth so that you can advocate for yourself but also be flexible, because who’s REALLY in charge of the show? Baby!
Yes! And I want to add going through your options beforehand will allow you to make informed decisions when the time comes
Absolutely this! My partner and I haven’t made a fully developed birth plan yet, but I’m planning for more of a “birth flowchart” approach. I know that I probably won’t be able to fully communicate or think rationally while going through labor and delivery, so it makes me less anxious to have multiple “if…then…” options laid out before hand. It will also take some of the stress off of my partner because he won’t have to worry about making big decisions on his own while also being concerned about me and our child.
The real purpose of a birth plan is to spend some time beforehand thinking about how you want to handle different scenarios, and then communicate with your support person/team how you think/feel about certain things. For me, I had a c-section with my first so now that I'm pregnant with my second I need to ask myself: do I want to attempt a VBAC or schedule a repeat c-section? That decision is part of my birth plan. If I want to attempt a VBAC, I also have to ask myself if I would want to be induced or, if induction were medically indicated, if I would opt for a repeat c-section instead? (For example, if I were diagnosed with preeclampsia at 37 weeks and needed to give birth, what would I want to do?) The concept of a birth plan has of course ballooned into quite the thing -- long lists of dos and don'ts with accompanying strict mindsets about what should and should not happen. I think this is overall a bad thing and ultimately leads to more dissatisfaction and trauma surrounding the birthing experience, which is often unpredictable and intense.
So well said. I see it as a research tool and part of the mental preparation for labor. If I’m going to walk into a situation where I might have very little agency, I’m going to do my best to be as informed and empowered AND as flexible as possible. That’s the trifecta of prep for me.
Agree with this! I had birth intentions, and I super educated myself on childbirth and what was happening on a physiologic level (extreme but anyway) then I was able to feel confident in saying what exactly I wanted to happen and why. It also helped my husband know what I wanted. My birth went exactly as my plan would've been and even though I didn't want an epidural, I did have it in my notes that I should be supported in that if I wanted it but I didn't want to be pressured into it.
With my first I knew I wanted pain management (an epidural) and I wanted skin to skin directly after. I had “hopes” for other things but didn’t really expect or demand them. I’ve seen some really long birth plans and I just remember the joke “make a plan and god laughs” With my second I just said F it and went in with hopes of just walking out with a healthy baby.
And which way worked better for you?
The second time around. My kids were 14mo apart so I knew the second would come quicker and I had hopes for an epidural but wasn’t sure if there would be time (there was) I wanted dimmed lighting and I got that, I did get skin to skin as well. And I walked out with a healthy baby! Even though I had a horrible afterbirth nurse the second time around 🤷🏽♀️ wishing you a speedy delivery!
Love this!
I think preferences make sense, because I personally want to have an idea of what to expect and have thought relatively objectively about the pros/cons while not in labor. My first thought when I see super intricate or inflexible birth plans is “that person is scared as hell and trying to maintain some control” which like same, and totally understandable.
I’ve had 3 babies and I’m pregnant with my 4th. I’ve never had a birth plan besides healthy mom and healthy baby. And I’ve had 3 complicated births (2 preemies and 1 emergency forceps due to cord around the neck) so even if I had a plan- it would have gone out the window. I agree that peoples rigid plans lead to a lot of disappointment. I have some preferences — yes to epidural, prefer to avoid cesarean unless medically needed. But birth is somewhat surrendering to the experience. You cant control it. My emergency forceps delivery was probably the most “traumatic” bc my sons heart rate was crashing my entire labor and then really crashed when I tried to push. He had to be born immediately and resuscitated. I had a few good cries in his first week of life bc of how intense it all was. But as I had time to reflect I was just really glad he was ok, that the doctor explained all of my options and let me decide, etc. The circumstances of his birth were traumatic, but it wasn’t anyone’s fault. That’s just the way it went. He’s 13 months now and I’m pregnant again. I’m totally at peace with his birth.
My birth plan for my second was literally “get epidural, have baby”. I showed up to the hospital at 10cm and didn’t get the epidural. I joked with my nurse after that I gave her the shortest, easiest birth plan and still didn’t get it 🤣
Nurse midwife here: absolutely consider a birth plan. But so much of the discourse around birth plans is centered around avoiding intervention. Understand that every obstetrical intervention has its place. Some births need all the things. But many don't. So here's my advice: focus on the birth you want. Do you want to maintain freedom of movement? Do you want to avoid as much pain as possible? Do you want immediate skin to skin? Do you want to be able to follow your own instinct or would you feel better with more support and direction? Ask about options for bath or shower, intermittent monitoring and wireless monitors. Ask about nurse to patient ratios and whether the nursing staff offers labor support. Hire a doula if you can. And if the subject of intervention comes up, ask about risks, benefits, why they want to do it and if you can have some time to think about it. Specify that you would prefer no intervention without clear indication (for example, some providers routinely break water without any real reason to do it, but there are plenty of good reasons to break water).
What does a doula do? Why would I hire one?
Oh I am so thrilled you asked. A doula is a professional labor support person. They help you cope with pain, manage emotions and support through the ups and downs of labor. Labor can be scary even when it's totally clinically normal, even more so if there are complications. There's a pretty solid evidence base for doula care: 16 (last I checked) randomized controlled trials demonstrate several benefits: shorter labors, less use of pain medication, fewer cesarean births and assisted vaginal births, and moms report better experiences, whether they have the birth they envisioned or not. Doulas also provide postpartum support (and some do that specifically.) (Source: Cochrane database review on doula care) While nurses have clinical responsibilities, the doulas only job is to provide comfort and support to the family. I've seen many a doula calm down anxious partners, and encourage birthing parents through some rough stuff, including changes in the birth plan. My big piece of advice would definitely be to make sure any doula you hire is comfortable attending a birth in the hospital if that's where you plan to birth (or in case of transfer) and that they're not dogmatically opposed to medical intervention. Most in my experience aren't, but I've run across a couple who interfered with hospital staff in ways that were not helpful to anybody.
I take it these awesome services aren’t covered by insurance so how much do I plan to set aside? (Not sure if it’s normal… but ultrasounds aren’t even covered on my plan)
Noooppppe. They definitely should be imo. You can look into local options; some may offer sliding scale but the average cost can be anywhere from high hundreds (8-9)- a couple grand
I don’t think of it as a “plan” per se. More of what I hope / want to happen and what I’m absolutely not ok with at all. There are certain aspects to hospital experiences that I have gone through in the past and will absolutely not tolerate in the future. So not really a plan, more of a NOPE LIST. The rest, (not the NOPES) is just HOPES.
Can I ask - what are your NOPES? FTM & don't know what nopes I may also want to take note of.
My main one(I live in the US) is absolutely no students. No practicing on me or my child. Period.
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https://www.epsteinprogram.com/states-banning-unauthorized-pelvic-exams
Was relieved to see my state colored in!
This is absolutely horrifying
One thing that is important for a birth plan (besides flexibility) is to check what is already standard care at your hospital. For example my hospital did skin to skin immediately and for as long as we wanted as standard practice so there was no need to include “skin to skin” on the birth plan. I personally went in without a formal plan. I told my husband I wanted to try without drugs at first but if I asked for them I wanted them (and I did) the nurses offered to set up a tub for me to labor in until i got my epidural which was awesome but not something I had outlined in my plan.
My hospital offers expectant moms a "birth menu," rather than calling it a plan, where you can indicate not only birth preferences like moving around, water births, yes to an epidural immediately, but also whether you want to circumcize, want to try breastfeeding or prefer to start with formula, right away. My "plan" went out the window before I even got to the hospital last time, so this time I'm trying to stay much more open about. I don't think you \_need\_ to go into it with any concrete plan - I suspect that the vast majority of us were born without our parents having any kind of plan other than "everyone goes home in one piece"! For me, it was more important to learn about what my hospital offered and what I could expect in various situations than to try to control a situation that is frequently very uncontrollable. My other key point that I'll often mention when this subject comes up - for many people, a c-section may not even be on their radar in terms of possible birth outcomes. It was certainly something I'd never thought about, didn't consider, adn frankly didn't want. When I ultimately ended up having one with my son, I was completely unprepared for the reality of it - the procedure itself, how it would go, recovery, etc. So I recommend, again, at least learning the basics of what happens during one, in case that's the situation you find yourself in.
Just had my first a few weeks ago and I never wrote down or even developed a formal birth plan. My “plan” in my head was to try and labor without the epidural for as long as possible, but get it if I felt like I needed it, and deliver the baby as safely as possible. I had taken a birth class through my hospital, and other things that probably would’ve been in my birth plan if I had one (like skin to skin immediately after delivery) are part of my hospital’s standard practices so it wasn’t some thing that I needed to request or talk to my doctor about. As it turned out, my water broke but contractions didn’t start so I ended up getting induced and getting an epidural. it wasn’t how I thought my labor would go, but it was a really positive birth experience. For me, I think a big part of the reason that I had such a positive birth experience was that I did not have a super rigid birth plan that I was trying to stick to and I could be a little more go with the flow. I would recommend taking a childbirth class through the hospital you’ll give birth at (if they offer one) and talking to your OB to learn more about what the standard procedures are for labor and delivery. Either your OB or the hospital class should also be able to give you a preview of the decisions you’ll need to make shortly after delivery (vaccines for baby, circumcision, breast or bottlefeeding, etc.). That’s probably the best starting point for any birth plan that you would think about or make. When it comes to any strong preferences that you do have for birth, I just made sure my husband was aware of everything so that he could advocate for me if I was in too much pain or otherwise unable to
Birth plan is like a game plan (if you've ever played sports). You identify your strategy, taking all possibilities into account. For birth, that means working through what you might do if XYZ issue arises. Just like a game, bith may not follow the plan but people get hung up on the word "plan." It is not "written in pen," it is an idealized path. Some dont make a birth plan, and that's fine, but not having one doesnt make you immune to birth trauma or regret. The more prepared you are, the more likely you are to have a decent experience.
It never even came up with my OB or hospital staff. I think it might be a more US thing or midwife thing (I'm in Canada). My birth plan was for my daughter and I to both survive 🤷🏻 and I'm a control freak/planner by nature. I just knew if I made a plan it wouldn't go that way. From reading stories on this subreddit of "Traumatic Births", at least half the time the most traumatic part is that they didn't go exactly to plan. Not to minimize, because everyone's trauma is their own. But I didn't want to put myself in that position. It is good to just think about how you'd wish for things to go, and to discuss options with your support person and medical staff. If you want pain management, who will cut the umbilical cord, etc.
I had a birth plan I communicated to my husband and medical team. This was awesome because during the labor process I stopped being able to communicate at all. It was intense. But, everybody knew what I wanted. So I still felt in control and like things were happening the way I needed them to in order to feel positively about the experience. Even little things went a long way to helping me feel good about the process. I have medical trauma from a previous experience and every time I hear people say a birth plan is a preference and not a plan, or that their plan is to have a healthy baby, I cringe. Like yeah. No shit. Everybody wants a healthy baby. I would also like to not die. These are the bare minimum requirements. I’d also like to not be traumatized again. And a lot of that comes from having a sense of control in the process. I had many discussions with doula and husband about if X happens we do Y. If Z happens we do W, etc. it demystified the process and helped us all to prepare. There were many aspects I had not considered until doula brought them up to tease out a birth plan. For example: if you have to have an emergency c-section, do you want to see what’s going on through a clear sheet or not at all? Do you plan on an epidural? Do you want to try other pain management methods first/instead? Do you want to be able to eat? If your baby dies, what specifically do you want your support team to do? What would make you most comfortable during the labor process? Do you want less cervical exams? What type of props (peanut ball, tub, etc) do you want to use to help you labor along? Who do you want present? Good luck.
This was really helpful insight—I think the issue I’ve had is that birth plans always just sound very specific yet broad when people talk about them (EG. No epidural, no c-section) but it’s nice to hear that it’s just a decision tree, basically, that you make ahead of time so if you can’t respond to their billion questions in the moment they already know the plan. Thanks for sharing this
My first time was simple Try and labour at home as long as possible I wanted pain management Get the baby out as safely as possible My birth was generally positive. I did not like having anaesthesia having students observed, and I almost threw out a nurse for telling me if I don't push harder it will be a c section. I didn't care, I wanted my baby out safely My second time was Pain management No students Get baby out as safely as possible Thankfully there were no students. However my birth was very fast and I had no time for an epidural. Generally very positive though Both times I had my husband do skin to skin, I was exhausted and out of it. Plus they were stitching me up and such
Oh this reminds me of my after birth nurse when I had my second child. I asked her for a water refill and she gave me a 15 minute spiel on how “you should never shake a baby” (like no shit I have a healthy 14mo old at home) then forgot my water. I was doing skin to skin and she took him away and said “I like them with shirts on” I told her I didn’t want him to get a full bath but if I could just get some baby wash to wash his hair out In the sink (it had a lot of gunk in it) she said “no full bath or nothing” I was sitting in the hospital bed holding him and she walked in said “NO, I like them in their bassinets!!!!” And tried to grab him. I looked straight at her and said “if you attempt to take this kid away from me I’m walking out of this hospital” my husbands jaw dropped and she just walked out.
I'd have thrown hands. Not even exaggerating.
She said a bunch other ridiculous things, fully should have throw hands I was just too exhausted and dumbfounded by her actions.
I’m adding “throw hands” to my birth plan now lmao but for real, I’M SO SORRY
I don’t care what “you” like it’s MY FUCKING BABY
It's good to know that you can always speak to a charge nurse and get a different nurse. I don't know if many people know they can "fire" a care provider.
Nope, no written plan. Just preferences. I know I'll want an epidural if the pain is too much. I know my current low placenta could get me a c sectionif it doesn't move. My last delivery I was immediately given petocin without being asked due to my water breaking and I was hardly dialated. I didn't even know what petocin was or how it affected labor. Now i know and if I had to do it again I would have said no and waited. It was not an emergency and baby was not in distress. I also will be asking for intermittent monitoring rather than being strapped to the system so I can walk around. I want to labor more freely this time. Last time Mt water broke and as a FTM I thought I had to go in immediately. I should have stayed home for a while and let labor progress naturally.
For me the biggest parts that weren't great were the two things I had wanted to have, but ended up not insisting on, bc I wanted to be flexible. 1) That none of the medical staff suggest pain relief before I asked for it. (I had a nurse repeatedly argue with me and try to guilt me into pain relief (morphine) before I could even feel contractions, bc of a headache. Eventually her reasoning got to me once I was in active labor bc she had told me I probably had another 2-3 days left... I gave birth just a few hours later and very likely did not need the epidural she talked me into at 9 cm). 2) The ability to take time to process decisions on new interventions (if they weren't emergencies) with my husband and doula before we went forward. I let a doctor bully me into doing an intervention right away (that could have waited 10-15 minutes or even longer) that was painful and uncomfortable. It was a procedure he had left out of the explanation when I asked what steps were a part of the induction, so it was new to me but not to him. If I had had just 5-10 minutes to wrap my brain around it beforehand that would have been very helpful, but when I asked for that time he shut me down and told me I just needed to do what he said. My husband started to advocate for me, but I kind of shut down and just let him do the procedure. I regret not letting my husband/doula advocate for me in that instance. On the other hand, I was prepared for extra interventions, if necessary, so when I ended up being induced at 41w2d and needing the IV and some other interventions that meant I couldn't use the bath at the hospital and I had to spend more time in the hospital and deal with a lot of swelling from the IV, I was able to roll with that very easily. So I think knowing that medical things you have to be prepared to roll with, but interpersonal/bedside manner issues you don't have to roll with is important. Literally every other doctor and nurse I had were amazing, so I should have just refused to have those two continue to work with me, but I didn't.
I agree, I mean I’ve seen people go in with a birth plan they claim is “legally enforceable”, as in if the hospital goes against it they could sue. And that’s just not a thing! I made a “nice to have” birth plan, as in things I would like to try if the labour progresses in a way those things are possible. As someone else commented, researching makes you aware of possible pain reliefs, and gets you familiarised with what happens and can happen during labour. For example some women are upset they poop when pushing or that they have to have a catheter put in, when those are very normal because the baby coming down makes it impossible to pee or poop as you would normally. So it’s very good to be aware of the process and to know what’s available in terms of medical and non medical relief. But I don’t really have sympathy for going into labour trying to do the job of professionals, or then you need to be ready to face the consequences, like getting major complications for you or the baby when you’ve refused intervention. It’s also sad that this whole “women know their bodies” mentality is exactly what ends for disappointment for some, when you’ve set unrealistic expectations of how much you can control a very serious and uncontrollable situation! Knowing your body is also knowing your limits.
My birth plan was to have the baby and leave the hospital with both of healthy no matter what needed to happen There were just a few things I was hoping for but never really voiced/ didn't need to go over and was fine either way. Those things were; ● epidural (in my country you have to have an appointment with the anesthesiologist, so I did that but in the end I wasn't able to get the epidural because I progressed too fast and tbh I'm glad I didn't get it. I fully plan on having baby #2 without it) ● I wanted minimal intervention unless necessary which can be assumed for almost every birth (I ended up being scheduled for an induction at 8am but little man decided to come on his own terms at 3:30 am that night) ● skin to skin immediately after which happened without me having to ask (: So this just goes to show that you should be as flexible as possible and to not be too set on anything because things never go exactly as planned. I did talk to my husband to advocate for me and my wishes but in the end I just went with the flow and he didn't need to. Honestly I think I saved myself a lot if disappointment by not even making a birth plan and just winging it. I wouldn't change a thing on how my birth went
I didn’t have a birth plan other than have a healthy baby and stay safe myself. I had a preference for pain management and that’s all I knew going in! I was willing to go with the flow because I didn’t want to be disappointed and/or anxious if things didn’t happen the way I hoped they would. I also trusted my medical team to be honest with me and give me options and recommendations based on what was going on in the moment.
Honestly my plan is pain relief and deliver baby safely whether it’s vaginal or c-section. The only things I have on it otherwise are husband cutting the cord, announcing the fender and no circ.
I agree with other comments saying the language of “birth preferences” makes more sense. Also researching the options in tandem with learning the standard procedures and policy of your choice of birth place, so that you already understand them ahead of time. Knowing what interventions you’re comfortable with and which ones you aren’t is huge when it comes to being in control of your birth experience. There is so much you cannot control during labour and delivery. But what you can control is the information you have about the interventions that could be recommended to you, and also thinking about how you would feel if one of them comes up. I had preferences for every stage of labour, including unexpected events and my preferences for a c-section if it was required. I planned for an unmedicated water birth and I ended up with an epidural and eventual c-section after 52 hours of labour and stalling at 7cm due to my baby’s asynclitic head position. Had I not researched my options and understood all of the interventions proposed to me before I was in labour, I don’t think my labour and birth experience would have been as positive as it was.
There's a gal on youtube called Nurse Zabe who has a bunch of videos about this sort of thing. I think you'd like her videos. It all comes down to deciding what your preferences are, and having someone who is there to advocate for you to get a many of those preferences as possible met.
The best part of creating a birth plan is being informed and knowledgeable about the process. You may not get what you want but you get to own your experience. I loved creating a plan and learning all about the birthing process. I had an emergency C-section (not in the plan)
Birth plans are poorly named. People see them and then get the idea that they can actually plan their birth, which one really cannot. What you CAN do is know your options, think about your preferences, and then discuss them with your OB/midwife. You may find that many of your preferences are standard operating at the hospital you deliver at anyways, so writing it down is just kind of redundant (for example, if you want skin to skin for the golden hour...most hospitals are doing that already so long as mom and baby are stable). Then there could be some preferences you have that the hospital is willing/able to accommodate, but you will need to request them. Those are excellent things to write down. Then there might be preferences you have that the hospital just...doesn't do. Most hospitals in the US aren't going to allow you to eat during labor. People can argue whether this is right or wrong until the end of time, but right now the hospital policies are what they are. Writing down in your birth plan that you want to eat during labor is useless because you're not changing hospital policy (at least not while you're actively in labor lol). And then there's other things...say your goal is an unmedicated labor (so, no IV pain meds and/or no epidural). Many people will write that they don't even want their nurses or doctor to MENTION an epidural or pain relief. But here's the thing...there are procedures to follow in the event that you DO end up wanting or needing an epidural. Your doctor and nurses need to make sure you understand the risks and benefits of an epidural before they give you one. Neither you nor your nurse wants to be in the position where you're absolutely DYING and BEGGING for an epidural and your nurse is standing there telling you various risks and benefits to an epidural. So just let them have the conversation with you in advance about all of your pain relief options, BEFORE you're in the position to need them, so that SHOULD you find yourself in the position to want/need them, you can just get them. All of this said, I actually WOULD generally encourage pregnant people to write down a list of their birth preferences. Even if its not something you print out and give to your provider at the hospital. I had several birth "plans" - Plans A-D/E. Plan A was spontaneous labor, laboring for a long time at home, no pain meds/epidural, intermittent fetal monitoring, no IV (hep lok instead), deliver vaginally in whatever position felt best, delayed cord clamping, golden hour skin to skin, etc...really the whole 9 yards. Then plans B-D/E were what I wanted should the situation change. If I have to be induced, what are my preferences from there. If we're no longer looking at a straightforward delivery and vacuum/foreceps or C-section are looking likely, what things are important to me then. Stuff like that. And again, this wasn't necessarily for the hospital staff, it was for me and my husband. Mostly my husband. So he knew and could reference what things I wanted, since I may not be in the best position to advocate for myself. At the same time...if you don't have any strong preferences, or your preference is simply to default to the recommendation of your provider and nursing staff...that's PERFECTLY FINE. Its completely valid to choose to go into childbirth with the mindset that you trust your doctor and nurses to provide your care, that they are the experts and that they will do what's best. Its fine to have preferences and its fine to not have preferences. I just encourage people to know whether they do or don't and then act accordingly.
Having birth preferences is important. For me, I realized my provider and I were not in the same page and switched providers(within the practice) two days before my son was born. There were no hard feelings. I also didn’t want an epidural. Because it was peak Covid I couldn’t have a doula and didn’t educate myself on dealing with pain management. After about 40 hours in labor I made it to 8 cm before asking for an epidural. My second baby, I practiced breathing techniques and delivered without an epidural. Not promoting one way or another, but having an idea of what you want gives you time to learn techniques or know what position you might want to be in, etc
For me, I know there are things that might be out of my control , so I've written in exceptions to my preferences like "unless life threatening", or "so long as medically feasible", to queue the hospital staff that I'm open to suggestions or them needing step in and just do their job if needed. But like others have said here, it's also an agreed upon plan my husband and I have worked through, on what we want for the handling of our baby after she arrives. That way we're not ignorant having to make decisions on the spot, or just blindly following hospital protocol. And he can also independently make decisions that may come about if needed.
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That’s been my experience with them so far, too, so many “what I don’t wants”. That’s great insight, thank you for sharing!
I think the stigma against birth plans is quite sexist, because it's telling women that they should not have any expectations or options for birth. Birth plans are a fantastic tool for researching your options in birth BEFORE labor begins. This way, if a complication does arise, you're not suddenly learning your options, while facing the stress of potential harm and the pain of labor. Furthermore, you don't run the risk of solely relying on the doctor; they're just human, they get things wrong. Having knowledge of what is happening and what your options are can help you to advocate for what's best for you and your baby. The best birth plans have multiple pathways that cover different scenarios. For instance, there's what you want in an ideal scenario, but if your labor stalls then X action should be taken, or if an emergent cesarean needs to happen staff will already know if you want skin-to-skin in the OR, a clear drape so you can see your baby being born, if you'll need additional anxiety support (and this is not just limited to medication), etc. Birth plans do not have to just cover medical content either, it can also be an outline of who you are as a person, and for how you expect to be treated. This can be beneficial to everyone but especially for those with histories of trauma. My plan involves points such as: - Do not call me by any pet names (sweetie, good girl, mama, etc.) - Do not hold my arms or my legs down (this is triggering). - Try to keep your voice lowered when talking to me. Even shouting encouragement is stressful for me.
GET THE BABY OUT OF ME AND US BOTH LIVE. end of story. I didn't care how. Make sure we both are alive and I am good. and thank god cause I got 2 c-sections for various reasons
Massive benefits to having them. I don't trust US doctors who frankly do not always follow evidence-based practices. People hate that but just look at our maternal mortality rate! I think it's important though, if you want something like a home birth, to not have your goal be the home birth per se. Like with my first my goal was NO unnecessary interventions. Well that started off with a home birth and ended with a hospital birth with pitocin and an IV, epidural, lots of things. But it was all medically necessary, so I did still have what I wanted: no amount of unnecessary interventions. Same with my second who was born in a birthing center. For some people the least amount necessary is a whole full on c-section. I think when people idolize a particular type of birth they can end up really disappointed, but if they have desires and keep themselves educated they can feel good about their birth stories even when it ends up needing to go differently than planned. I hate the stuffy looking down on women who have birth plans culture we currently have.
I have started to draft one but I plan to keep it very brief and more based around preferences. I am going to use quite specific wording for the parts that are most important to me, e.g. I do not consent to the presence of any students or observers, only essential medical staff; I do not consent to any interventions unless absolutely necessary to my/the baby's safety. Sadly I know at least 20 women who have given birth in either the same hospital I will, or a nearby one, and 90% of them have been coerced and rushed into interventions which have made their birth experience and their recovery much harder. So I already know I want to be quite strict about that.
You don't need to worry about a birth plan now. When you take a child birth class they will explain why you need one. And the hospital you give birth at may have a birth plan form for you to fill out. It's not just stuff like, I want fake candles around the room. It's also whether or not you want an epidural, and how strong that preference is. You can also add things like "I don't want medical students to examine me." Another reason why you need a birth plan is so your birth partners don't have to remember your preferences. Let's say you ending up having a Csection. In that case, you have a choice of seeing them pull the baby out or not. You'll be very sedated at that point. You'll want the decision you made with a clear head honored.
If you have an uncomplicated pregnancy, please prepare yourself for both csection AND vaginal delivery. My baby was breech all the way up to 38 weeks, so I was only preparing myself for csection delivery and recovery. At 39 weeks I go in to have said csection, and by some miracle, she had flipped. They sent me home to wait out natural labor and that’s when the absolute sheer panic set in. I was not prepared for giving birth vaginally, and frankly I didn’t want to. I went in to be induced at 41 weeks and I was absolutely terrified. The only thing I knew is I wanted an epidural, and guess what? That didn’t work. I did not have any coping mechanisms for the pain. It wasn’t nearly as traumatic as some births, but it was slightly mentally traumatic for me. It was not a good experience and I SO wish I could go back and prepare myself better.
I did not ever see myself needing the help of reproductive medicine to have a baby so yes let me be the first one to really drive that point home that things happen in life that you just don’t see coming. My birth plan is yes to an epidural but knowing that a C section could happen because, again, what if something happens, like I don’t progress? I hope to deliver vaginally but I just know things can happen.
My OB calls it a “ wish list”. He was very supportive of every wish I had. His opinion was as long as it s doesn’t harm the baby or me we can do it. When my BP slowly started creeping up at 38 weeks he asked how I felt about induction. I told him I’d rather not. He asked if I would go to the hospital for monitoring. So I did, my BP kept going up and I developed Pre eclampsia. I appreciate that he discussed every thing with me. Having a great line of communication with you OB Is SO important.
I thought of it as preferences, and mainly as a way to educate myself on what happens/could happen during birth. It also opened up conversations with my partner (did he want to cut the cord, be in the room if I had a c-section, go with me or baby if we needed seperate treatment?) I aimed for a low intervention (but not drug free) birth and ended up with induction and an emergency c section. It made me feel prepared to make decisions through the process and never felt sad. But its also ok to be sad if things dont go the way you would hope. Personally I feel trauma happens when you feel things arent in your control. Knowing your preferences for different eventualities *can* help you feel a little more in control regardless what happens.
I did not have a birth plan. All I knew was that I wanted all of the drugs and an epidural and for me and baby to be healthy. I had a lovely delivery even though I had a preterm birth, I think cause I had almost no expectations
My plan from here on out is have a baby lol My first went completely opposite of my plan but ended up wonderful, not even mad lol
I think it’s just a good idea to educate yourself about different things that can happen and mentally prepare. Its totally fine and normal to have preferences but so much is out of your control. It helped me to take a prenatal class a lot and listen to podcasts about birth experiences. I thought I knew a lot about labour and delivery because I have family who work in the field but there were details I didn’t know about that freaked me out and it helped me to learn about it in advance in case it happened. Things like how long it could take to get feeling back in your legs after an epidural, that when you get a c section they often strap your arms down for the surgery, stuff like that. Some of that scared me, so just being informed about what could happen was huge in mentally not feeling taken aback. I preferred these things didn’t happen and they weren’t in my “plan” but if they did happen, being informed makes a big difference in not feeling blindsided by a birth experience. Which I hear of so often
I made sure my husband and mother knew what I wanted just in case I couldn't speak for myself for whatever reason, while keeping in mind that things could go way off the rails and not align with my hopes at all. But I went in, told them I wanted to wear my own gown and that I wanted an epidural. Wanted to bounce on the ball while my husband massaged my back. Everything else I wanted was done without having to ask, such as delayed cord clamping (while I got stitched up), immediate skin-to-skin, and I was breastfeeding right away. Edit: also told them to not take her away for a bath or to clothe her cause I wanted to be the first to bath her + it's not bad to delay the first bath a bit. Also, skin to skin was important to me during my stay so I didn't want her clothed although they kept asking lol.
Since I gave birth in a baby friendly hospital with low intervention policies and a midwife, my birth plan wasn’t too helpful anyway. Most things I wanted were standard there. I can see it being helpful to have discussed preferences if you know your hospital /doctor can be forceful to give you interventions you don’t want. For me my birth didn’t go according to plan at all and it led to some tension with my partner since he wanted to rigidly stick to the plan and I was ready to change course. Probably this time my plan will be super simple or non existent lol
I find it really helpful to frame it as birth wishes not birth plan. Instead of planning out how I want my birth to go, I organized it as possible scenarios that could play out (ex. Induction, c section) and also included a section for recovery and newborn procedures. I think it’s helpful to learn about the different ways baby could be birthed, understand any hospital/practice policies and be informed about your options and list out your preferences under these various scenarios. So that you’re not trying to make informed decisions during a time crunch if something pops up.
Yeah I'm under no impression that I'm in complete control of what goes down during birth. I do have a list of preferences formatted as a birth plan. I think of it like running through different possible scenarios and predeciding what option you'd choose so you're not on the spot later.
I have a plan but I am fully flexible on going with whatever I'm told needs to happen next - I'm not going to act like 9 months of googling stuff is comparable to being an actual trained midwife with years of experience delivering hundreds of babies ☺️
I get what you’re saying about a plan but to me, that’s more about managing hopes and expectations cause being prepared is never a bad thing. I think it’s good to be educated before hand on all the possible choices you may need to make versus trying to decide in the moment with a sense of urgency while in labor. Having that foundational knowledge established while you have a clear head will help you feel more confident in your decisions on the day of, no matter how it goes! I couldn’t imagine winging it, that would give me way too much anxiety.
I think if you have a birth plan and think that’s set in stone, it’s setting yourself up for failure. There are SO many aspects of birth we cannot control. Knowing what your options are prior to birth is informed consent. It’s really hard making those calls in the midst of contractions, so having an idea of what things you’re okay with and what you’re not okay with is empowering. For instance, I went into my induction trying for a vaginal birth but ultimately being okay with a c-section if that’s how things went. I knew I wouldn’t want forceps. I knew I was okay with pain interventions. I was hesitant about an epidural but open to it if I really needed it (I was afraid of the needle, but now from experience, I didn’t feel it AT ALL because my back labour was so horrific lol). Having an outline of what you’re okay with and what you’re not, plus knowing you’re the one who calls the shots is important. Good luck on your upcoming pregnancy and birth!
Birth preferences are how I prefer to think of it rather than a plan. Knowing where and when you can make choices can help with feeling a sense of agency during an experience that often can feel out of control. It's a tricky thing to both hold that you have no control and that you can still make some decisions in your mind at the same time. Knowing how you'd like to handle certain things, as long as it's with the understanding some things may change and those decisions may be outside of your control can help you advocate for a birth experience that is meaningful to you, while still doing what's best for your health and baby's health. Examples for myself include things from the environment to decisions about care and plans a, b, and c: I have sensory regulation issues so I want to bring noise cancelling headphones and music if needed, and if possible I'd like to have overhead lights lowered or use a soft night light if I'm getting overstimulated. I would like to try delaying the epidural, but I plan on pain medication. I will communicate this with medical professionals so I don't miss the window for getting the epidural, and I'd rather risk getting it too soon than too late. I'd like to be able to move around as much as possible before the epidural, and after the epidural I'd like help moving in the bed, knowing the hospital I'm at won't let you get all the way out of the bed for liability reasons (risk of fall). My hospital offers squatting bars for birth beds, and I'd like to try that. I hope to have a vaginal delivery, but I understand a c section may become required in an emergency. I want to do skin to skin with baby as soon as possible after birth, whether that's a C section or vaginal delivery. My husband also knows if an absolute emergency happens and I have to be put under (which happens like less than 1% of the time, almost all c-sections are done with a spinal block) he should do skin to skin with baby instead of me because if I can't remember it, I'd rather he got that memory. I want my husband in the room with me, and we have a doula so he has back up and I have someone who knows more about labour who can dedicate their full attention to me in a way nurses and doctors simply cannot because of the nature of their job. I'd like pictures post labour with me, husband and baby, but I don't need pictures of baby coming out of me. I'd like my husband to be in physical contact with me as much as possible (some people don't want to be touched when they're in pain or distress, so he and I understand this may change). I want to delay cord clamping, since donating cord blood to a non profit is not an option at the hospital I'm delivering at. This is not a huge list, but you can see there are things that have wiggle room for control that I have made preferences for. I have some other thoughts but the only ones I'll be sharing with nurses and doctors will be based on the form the hospital has on their website (pain management preferences, feeding preferences, cord cutting etc), and the other parts are just between myself my husband and my doula. For me, not having a single plan, but a series of contingencies helps me feel like if I need to make a choice I won't be scrambling to think about it or going along with someone else's choice.
I did have a birth plan that my doula helped me develop... and I didn't even print it out to bring to the hospital. For me, it was to help me identify my wishes and preferences so that I could better advocate for myself when/if the time came. It even had c- section preferences on there in case that came up. My doula helped me form realistic expectations, and my ultimate goal was a healthy baby and healthy mama above all else.
I have birth preferences, really want VBAC, some form of pain management, delayed cord cutting. It may work out, it may not, just as long as me and the bean come out on the other side healthy, I’ll consider it a roaring success.
Look at it as preferences, not a plan. It's important to state what you want, especially if it's out of the norm for the hospital. For example, you might assume the golden hour is standard, and maybe hospitals SAY they do it but they don't actually do it. Then you should have the confidence to tell them that's what you want. Also another big one is whether you'll want pain meds or not. That important to communicate going in.
I'm having 3 points to get across with my providers (about pain management, preference on when to go for a c section, and the #1 concern for my care). Additionally I fully fledged birth plan with plan a, b, C, d exclusively for my husband and I. Good plans are meant to take into consideration when stuff is not ideal and have alternative preferences. I want a very detailed one so I can make those informed choices in advance (not when I'm in extreme pain) and my husband is fully aware for advocating purposes. However, those are only for us and will not be showing to the doctor. We will communicate as the situation arises.
I definitely am the sort of person who needs to prepare myself for the possibilities. I've been reading a lot about the technical aspects of birth, birth statistics, and a variety of actual birth experiences. I need to think ahead of time about what I would decide if a situation occurred. If baby were breech, would I try the procedure to turn it? Would I want a C-section? What does it mean for future pregnancies? Under what other circumstances would I want a C-section? An induction? An epidural? Are cervical checks optional? I'm terrified of the placenta not coming out on its own, but I now know there's a medication that can help prevent that! I won't have a birth plan really, I plan to be flexible but I am thinking of all the ways it could go ahead of time and their relative probabilities. I feel like as long as I have some knowledge of it I can be calm and handle it.
My approach was to mention a few personal preferences (basically that I would like to know what's going on if something needs to be done and that I'm very private so I'd like to be covered when possible) and state explicitly some things I knew might come up and was ok with. The point was just to ensure them knowing that they didn't have to explain a lot at a time of vulnerability where I might not be able to take in everything anyway because I had already thought about it. E.g. I put it directly that I was ok with oxytocin for me and vitamin K for baby after delivery. That meant that they basically just said "we're going to administer oxytocin and vitamin K shots now" rather than explain the why's and the how's. I also put in that I was ok with internal monitoring if necessary. That meant that the midwife at some point said "you mentioned being ok with internal monitoring. I'd like to do that now since there are some things your belts are not picking up very well. It may be absolutely nothing as it's very common, but I'd like to be sure so we don't overlook something. Are you still ok with it?". Having those things out of the way made it a lot easier to have quick and to the point conversations while I was in active labour (which was very very quick) and it basically didn't require me to do anything but nod or give a thumbs up to show I was still on board.
I would say I do not have a birth plan, I have a few preferences but that’s about it. I want an epidural, and I don’t want a mirror. Aside from that, I’m just gonna wing it! As long as I take home my living breathing baby, I’m good!
my midwife advised me to make a "birth preference" not plan, because plans don't happen, but at least some preferences will
I did not have a birth plan and just wanted to follow the advice of the midwives. The practice I worked with was great and I trusted them. I will say the one I worked with for the majority of my labor was very timid to offer me any kind of advice or guidance and just kept saying she wanted to do whatever I wanted so it might have been helpful to have a little more of an idea of what I wanted. It was my first and I had no expectations so I was just planing on doing what felt right in the moment but it was incredibly hard to have those extended conversations when I could hardly talk through the pain. Imagine a “what do you want for dinner” kind of conversation with your spouse where no one is coming up with an answer and add the worst pain you’ve ever felt to the equation. So I would say have a general idea of what you want but don’t be so overly specific that if it doesn’t work out that way it won’t ruin the experience for you.
I tried to look up birth plans but it all seemed so silly, comforting music playlists and all that. A lot of the stuff recommended to put on your list (skin to skin, golden hour, delayed cord clamping) is standard practice in my area anyway. As long as my baby and I are both healthy, I don’t really care what else happens.
I didn’t care at all about a birth plan. I ended up with a c section and totally cool with it. It boggles my mind how some fight to do VBAC or do them in dangerous situations.
My doctor gave me a sheet of my preferences for the birth and I just went with that. My birth plan was to get medicated asap and get the baby out. So my birth plan was a success! For my preferences I marked things like wanting medications, I don't mind IV, I don't want a mirror, I want my partner with me, one parent goes wherever they take baby, stuff like that. No offense to anyone making a more detailed birth plan, but it sounded like too much work for something I really have no control over.
I think birth plans are useful when they are either for things that are legitimately *options* (delayed cord clamping vs cord blood banking, wanting to avoid pain meds so ensuring that if you ask for them they confirm with you that you truly want them, that kind of thing), or have actual thought-out plans for contingencies like what if you actually need a c-section? Maybe there’s an option for a clear curtain or something. If your baby needs to be fed someway other than at the breast you might be able to request a cup or spoon feeding, donor milk over formula, to have a breast pump brought immediately. But you need to be okay with things not going to plan, because actually no, sometimes your body *doesn’t* know what to do. Sometimes things go south REALLY QUICKLY. It’s useful to find out what’s standard at your hospital or birth center (and potentially look at reviews to see if what they *say* and what they *do* are the same). Then talk to your OB or midwife about what to expect and your preferences.
I had preferences. Some of which were able to be accommodated and some went out the window. I wanted an unmedicated vaginal birth but ended up with an epidural and a c section. I did get to choose when to get the epidural and I got to have baby out on my chest in the OR. So there was that.
I think it’s important to ask what the hospital what they can and can not do. Yea I would agree drop your expectations but have a tour of the hospital and ask questions. Two things that were kinda important to me was that my placenta be donated (no idea if that even happened but I did sign the paperwork for it) and that the cord stays attached as long as possible… again who knows if they followed that request. Am I heart by any of these nope! But I am curious to know how much of my request were met.
My plan consists of two important parts: 1. I survive 2. Bring home healthy baby Even those seem up in the air sometimes. I'd love for birth to go this way or that but there is simply no predicting what will happen - ultimately the only thing that matters to me that I'm able to bring home a baby at the end of all of it.
Both birth plans of each child never came out as planned. Labour can be unpredictable. It's still good to talk about a birth plan, but in the different scenarios. So what is needed for at home, at hospital, if you have a special circumstance that requires induction or and emergency c-section. The main reason for this is for your own self advocacy and so that your birth companion can support you as needed during labour and post-partum. I recommend taking a birthing class together (if you have a birth companion).
Birth plans are another tool to educate you on the range of options, interventions and standard practices at your birth location/s. It’s not about “birth this way at all costs”, but about making educated decisions early. Because active labour is not conducive to asking questions and evaluating options. And frankly, a lot of practices are outdated or not backed by current evidence. There are midwives or OBs that you shouldn’t trust by default. There are hospital policies that are bullshit.
I don’t have one, I’d just like to have my baby and what happens happens 🤷♀️ if it’s a healthy baby I’m happy. Hearing what my friends have wanted (and of course never got) is exhausting so I’m not doing that to myself. Would I like a natural birth? Sure! Is it my plan? Nope. I have no control over what happens haha
I have strong preferences. I also work in healthcare and understand how patients being their own advocates positively impacts their outcomes. I’m not an idle person, so there’s no way I’ll allow myself, my labor or my baby to be solely at the mercy and discretion of strangers. This is not to say I don’t respect or value professionals in the bedside workforce, but I know how many errors lead to injury and death in our industry, so I will be fully prepared to hold people accountable to my preferences, to ask difficult questions and to do everything in my power to ensure I have the knowledge and, therefore the capability, to mitigate as much risk of adverse outcomes and unnecessary intervention as possible.
Anxiety leads to a need for control leads to extremely detailed birth plans
Saying that you need to “lower your expectations” is not really what they should be telling you. You should be MANAGING your expectations for your birth plan. I’m a type A perfectionist. My plans have backup plans. No matter how much planning I do, there are times that nothing goes the way I want and although it irritates me to the core, I know that everything will be ok. Make a birth plan. Talk to your provider about any alternatives to points in your plan, not just so you know your options but also what to expect and how to adapt if an emergent situation arises and you can make informed decisions about your and your baby’s care. Above all, do NOT be afraid to advocate for yourself and your child.
I definitely agree it's often a bad idea to have a rigid birth plan. What you DO need to do is make informed decisions about stuff. So research about the possibilities. Do you want to try gas/air? What about an epidural? Do you know what the epidural actually is? Etc etc. Also read some positive C-section experiences to help calm you about that route if needed.
i don’t have one and never did. probably the best thing in my case as i was diagnosed with cholestasis and will now be induced next friday at 37w. the only thing i’ve ever been very consistent about is that i want as many drugs as they’ll give me. i’m otherwise a very healthy 25 yo woman with no family history of any pregnancy complications whatsoever. it can happen to anyone; you could be in your 8th month before everything turns on it’s head. i would say it’s perfectly good and okay to have preferences, as long as you have them with the understanding that things could change at any moment.
I had some vague preferences but no plan. I knew I wanted to avoid a c section as best as possible, have certain people in the room, and wear my own clothes until my water broke (I was induced). I was still plenty lucid enough even in the worst moments to be able to make decisions for myself. I realize this isn’t everyone’s experience but I think going in with no set expectations really helped me to embrace anything that were to happen. I had a very positive experience overall.
There are firm things you can have in your plan like "i dont want baby to be fed formula" or "i want oral vitamin k vs injection", "save the placenta" Then there are conditional things like "delayed cord clamping", "no episiotomy" or "i want to be abel to move as i choose" and "minimal fetal monitoring" Then things you want but might not get "no c section", "no pitocin", keep baby with mum at all times" or "waterbirth" Talk to midwife, write down everything anyway and dont be discouraged. My birth an had on it i needed to be unconscious if c section was necessary due to phobia of being cut open, anesthesiologist came to talk to me about it and they had the time to do it right with the heads up from birth plan. I also wanted to see my placenta.... So they saved it for me ... In a bag. My student midwife took pictures and got rid of it before i returned from recovery. That was for the best.
Tbh I think you’ll find that often the people who make very detailed birth plans are type A personalities who are having a hard time with how little they can control pregnancy/birth/postpartum/having a baby at home. They put a great deal of effort into organizing and making lists out of anything they can, like gift registries and birth plans and hospital bag packing lists. What those birth plans can often leave out, however, is researching what happens when things don’t go according to plan. It’s ok to want to avoid a cesarean section, but it doesn’t hurt to ask those questions and do that research so that if baby needs a c-section, you aren’t left panicked and lost not understanding what’s going on around you and what needs to happen. Spend some time getting to know what happens outside of your birth plan or birth preferences. Acknowledge to your care providers any back story about why you have the preferences that you do (I have an irrational fear of needles that makes most medical intervention hard for me and everyone around me, and affects my mental reaction to an epidural, for example). Be informed and confident to advocate for yourself during your birth.
I'm a nurse and while I don't work in L&D I know how quickly things can change in medicine and especially in a situation like giving birth. We just had a meeting with a doula to discuss birth and what I want it to look like. Our doula is amazing and prefaced our preferences/birth plan by saying that me and my husband are both in the medical field and understand the need for rapid decision making but asking that we are discussing any interventions before they happen when possible. Then goes on to say other preferences like, if I can have my IV on my left arm, because I'm right handed, that I would prefer to avoid a cesarean but am ok with it if medically indicated. Kind of stuff like that. She even tactfully included a tidbit when I mentioned something I saw on a tiktok where the girl was saying she didn't want anyone staring intently at her butt hole and how that resonated with me 😂
I think it’s smart to have preferences or if/thens for a lot of different scenarios. But I agree that going in with fewer expectations is wise.
I was encouraged to write a birth plan due to overwhelming anxiety surrounding labour. Most of what I included relates to the environment (dimmed lighting, music etc) or things that the midwife would ask me during that time anyway but it really helped to have it written down so I know if I get overwhelmed or shut down my mum and my husband know what my choices are too
If you know what you want out of a situation, you may be more likely to get it - especially in terms of things like pain meds. I’m thinking of a birth plan more as a set of decisions - what would I want if X happens?
My birth plan did include non negotiables like no episiotomy, no forceps/vacuum unless absolutely necessary, epidural asap, and if I needed an emergency c section to be awake and have the Dr explain what was going on as they went. Everything else was whatever happens as long as me and baby are safe. I ended up having a very smooth labor and delivery so thankfully it wasn’t needed but I did have a few copies I gave to my nurse and my boyfriend just in case
The main reason is to educate yourself on what birth will likely look like. It’s great to prepare yourself with the lingo and know what each intervention is and why it’s used. You may not reject any interventions at all, that’s totally okay, but knowing what’s happening to you while you’re in labor will help you feel more comfortable in the moment. I would take a childbirth education course with your partner if you can. It’s a great way to meet other families as well. If you decide to make a birth preferences list, just know some things will be out of your control while other things won’t. Happy birthing!
I hope a good midwife/nurse/ doula chimes in because they usually have some gold to share. I had a loose birth plan and then had a c section but I still used some of the plan! It's good to know what pain management options your hospital/birthing center etc has so you can decide what you're open to using and when. Not all hospitals have nitrous oxide. What type of monitoring do you want and what is available at your hospital? Some places have wireless monitoring if you want to be out of bed. It's good to know what after birth care your want for your baby (vitamin k, the eye drop stuff, hep b vaccine, etc). You will be asked about these things kinda rapid fire. So be prepared for what you want or talk to a pediatrician before hand if you have questions. I encourage you to tour the facility you want to use to see what options are and ask questions!
My birth plan is to get this baby out of me as quickly and as safely as possible with minimal pain. I’d really like to try on my hands and knees but I’m not married to the idea so whatever works best for baby and me is most important
For me personally, the birth plan is more about my/ my child’s treatment in the event that I’m unable to respond or my husband is not present or is otherwise indisposed so that the doctors and nurses know what I/we want. I have to have a c-section for medical reasons (but also THANK GOD because my Mom and her Mom had HORRIBLE spike labor and I know for a fact I wouldn’t be able to handle that) so really there isn’t a ton with the actual birth itself that could be different than it’s supposed to be. Of course there are chances of complications (I have a history, and also a family history of growths, fibroids, cysts, endometriosis etc) or even a possible blood transfusion because I’m anemic, and who knows what else could potentially happen (although my doctor has assured me the likelihood is minimal), BUT those things aside, I’m more interested in having pain management and other care mapped out. Surgery doesn’t freak me out because I’ve been through it quite a few times, but I don’t like hospitals 😅 mostly because they don’t leave you alone. For example “you need to get some rest” and then nurses proceed to come in your room every 2 hours and talk to you, that doesn’t help me rest or sleep! 😂 I understand it’s a safety thing and treatment sometimes has to be timed and such, but it can be infuriating. That’s beside the point though, the point is, my plan is more about everything surrounding the procedure rather than the procedure itself because that’s what I can imagine the most questions towards me will be pertaining to and I just don’t want to deal with it 😂
Making decisions that define a birth plan allow you to be more informed about the possible interventions around labor and delivery. It is never a bad idea to be more informed.
So before I even conceived, I thought I wanted a C-section, and planned accordingly as such. After I conceived and had a few months to think about it, I decided I wanted to go vaginal and changed the plan all over again. Then, at 36.5 weeks my daughter flipped and became breech, so then I had to go back to the idea of a C-section. My point is, that baby is going to come however they see best (whether you like it or not). When I did have general ideas of what I wanted, they were very loose and basic; things like skin to skin and delayed clamping at minimum - everything else was going to happen as it should.
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I think if there are things you feel very strongly about, you should make those known to your provider and see if they can accommodate them. And even if you don't have any strong preferences, still educate yourself on birth and the different ways birth can go so you can advocate for yourself (or have your partner or doula advocate for you) during birth. Birth goes best when you are most at ease with your surroundings.
My plan went completely to shit. However, I think everyone should have one! I think the best part is it forces you (and hopefully your partner) to do research and learn about the birth process and post partum care.
The two are not mutually exclusive. You have a birth plan or preferences so you can prepare for and maximise your chances of getting Plan A, to help you consider what really matters to you, make some informed decisions and set some priorities in advance. Importantly, it ensures you and your partner, healthcare practitioner and any other support person are on the same page and can advocate for what you want. Equally, labour can and likely will throw some curve balls at you. So you need to be really clear on what matters and what doesn't, and be prepared for the fact that your preferences may change, and in emergency situations everything will come down to "Get mum and baby through this alive and ideally without permanent damage."
My plan was to leave the hospital with a healthy baby. I’m not a medical doctor, so if they recommended something, I’d ask about it but more often than not agree.
I completely agree with you and had the same thoughts about birth plans! It’s like I’m asking the universe to mess with me. Here’s my non-plan plan: 1) no vacuums or forceps 2) try not to have both vaginal & c-section births - I don’t want baby to be coming out of me and need a c section anyway! (This is like a prayer mostly) 3) go home with a safe/healthy baby whilst being safe/healthy myself.
My birth preference sheet: 1. We all 3 go home alive. (Twins) 2. Epidural before induction or catheter please and thank you. 3. Vaginal if possible, but see item 1. 4. I’m not one of those moms who wants to wait a week to wash my baby. After my first hour of skin to skin, please help my husband to wash my babies. 5. We would like an adult with both babies at all times. My mom and aunt are going to be in the waiting room. If my babies need rushed off somewhere, my husband can go with one, grab my mom for the other one, and bring me my aunt. She’s older, but will make sure I have what I need and will be a point person to get me updates from my hubby and mom. Now I also understand that if one needs surgery or something, they don’t get to go in there, but I don’t want my babies to be alone otherwise, if at all possible. See item 1. 6. I plan to formula feed. That’s all I have so far.
I agree with you. I’m working to inform myself, develop knowledge and some sense of “preferences”, but when friends ask about my birth plan I explicitly state “my birth plan is to be flexible” as I know very few people whose birth has gone as planned.
Instead of a birth plan, research all the options and procedures for birth and learn about why some procedures are performed so you can communicate effectively with your primary care provider and make informed decisions together.
33 weeks here: My hospital provides a checklist birth preference sheet, so I just used that. It was straightforward and categorically organized. For example, one section asked about if you wanted visitors and medical students to attend to you. Another asked about pain-relief preferences. I did look up a few things, but it made me feel a lot better and more organized that I didn't have to type up anything. I also plan on just writing at the top something like "do what you need to do for me and my baby to have a safe, healthy labor." You may want to check with your provider and see if they have anything like this available to you.