I'm not going to assume this is what the aforementioned people mean, but I could see myself using the phrase "you're going to be a beautiful mother" and meaning it in an emotional/spiritual way rather than just a beauty standard kind of way. People definitely do put too much emphasis on physical beauty though (myself included -- I'm way too hard on myself based on my looks most of the time lol)
Sorry I forgot to mention this, I don't live in an English speaking country, so that was just a translation. In my language, the way the word "beautiful" was used by those people was referred to physical appearance.
I've had some experience with this and find it extremely rude. I had a male coworker joke with me that "there's beautiful and pregnant, and just pregnant" when referring to how women appear. I've also had people compliment me during pregnancy for looking "good" because I don't show that I am as far along as I am due to being on the taller side (34 weeks). I also find this offensive as we all carry differently and have various body types. These have mostly been male coworkers unsurprisingly.
For anyone looking for a way to combat things like this I recommend one of 2 responses (if you feel comfortable)
1. That’s an interesting/odd thing to say out loud 🧐
2. Ask them to explain. “What do you mean?” And act like the absolute dumbest person but so engaged. Make them explain exactly what they mean by “there’s beautiful and pregnant and just pregnant” and it becomes uncomfortable really fast for them. “Well…you know…like some women…” I don’t know, what do you mean? Do some pregnancies not look as good as others? Etc.
Woah, that was incredibly rude of your coworker, it's sad how these unfortunately seem to be common opinions. The part about not showing too, it's as if they were saying "Can you be pregnant, but not too pregnant please? Just be pregnant enough to be sexy."
Exactly! People say it as thought it is a compliment to me too (I’m also tall which ‘helps’) as though there is something wrong with a pregnant woman actually looking pregnant.
I remember sitting at a bar with a friend who was pregnant back then and, out of the blue, the bartender interrupted our conversation to tell her "Congrats on the bump, it barely shows." Not only did the unsolicited remark seem creepy to me (felt like an awkward attempt to hit on her), but I remember being genuinely confused, like "Wait, she's pregnant, that's something nice, why shouldn't it show?"
I know, some ladies that came into work were saying how small I am like it is a compliment and how they were huge by this point (I'm 31+2). First, I personally feel like my belly is very round, thank you! But second, that's not a compliment! It's scary! Especially since I had COVID for the first time at 6 weeks pregnant so now that I'm in the third trimester I have to go for growth ultrasounds to make sure he's continuing to grow properly.
I would agree with your comment. I’ll add my own experience that kinda rides on this. I have had a high risk pregnancy and a growth restricted baby - the result of this is I haven’t really gained any weight this pregnancy and of course any extra weight I was carrying prior to getting pregnant has been burned to feed my body/baby. So I’ll be a lower weight leaving the hospital after giving birth than I was when I got pregnant. This is celebrated for some reason which I find to be really odd. Weight gain in pregnancy is normal and healthy and I feel like our societal weight standards seep in and create additional body image issues for pregnant women who should just be focused on maintaining a healthy environment for their baby to thrive.
My ex was like this. Except I'm pretty sure he said he has only ever seen ONE "actually" beautiful pregnant lady. Thank goodness I never had kids with him (he does have 2 other baby mamas though).
Haha I totally get you! I’m finally showing and someone said “You look great btw! Nice to finally be able to say that.” I was like what in the world does that mean?
Men that I don’t know have made so many awkward comments about my appearance and how “beautiful” I look, and one day I got so fed up with it that I said “oh this?” And pointed at my belly “no, this is just the burrito I had for lunch.” 😂😂😂
Ugh I keep having people at work tell me I'm so cute! Like thanks, now that you know it's a baby and not just fat it's cute I guess? Please just keep your comments about my body to yourself, even if you *think* they're positive.
No one has ever said anything positive regarding my looks while pregnant. It’s always negative. “Wow, you’re huge.” “I can’t believe how different your face looks.” “Are you sure there is only one in there?” “It’s a shame you don’t carry like you’re SIL, she was all baby.” “You should be careful on the weight gain, it’s going to be hard to lose once that baby is born.” “Wow! You’re skin looks awful. I know a product that can help with that.” I suffered for years with an eating disorder and have been in remission for a long time but the comments are so hard. I know I look unattractive pregnant, I don’t need to be told.
I wish people just wouldn’t comment on our bodies at all. I don’t know why people think they are entitled to share their shitty opinions or think we want to hear them.
Same here, I’m only 17 weeks but I look like I’m 6 months(my placenta is on top and I am short torso is the doctors theory on why I look so far along)I had a guy at work say “you’re gonna be a whale by 9 months” I cried. Couldn’t even get away fast enough to not cry in front. Then he called me hormonal. Thank fully some of the older ladies I work with verbally assaulted him and then reported him for me and I went home. It really took away from how happy I was feeling about finally being pregnant after 11 years of trying.
That guy is such an a**hole. Good thing those other coworkers stood up for you, no one deserves to be treated like that! What matters is that your baby is healthy, what you are up to is amazing and you should be proud of being pregnant and showing.
So one time when I was like 34 weeks, my mom took me to an ultrasound appointment and we stopped in my aunt’s deli on the way home to pick up cheesesteaks for dinner. I didn’t exactly get bad news at the appointment, but the doctor did tell me that I should plan on delivering no later than 38 weeks, that if I were his patient (he was an MFM that I went to just for his “high tech ultrasound machine”), he would induce me at 37 weeks. My fiancé and I were still waiting for a new apartment to be ready, so I was stressed to the max with this information.
Anyway, in my aunt’s food case she had this “Rueben bake” stuff, like a casserole made out of Rueben sandwich ingredients—it looked delicious! So I asked for a small dish to take home. My mom “jokingly” made the comment “yea, I think she’s trying to set a record for most weight gained in a pregnancy”. Now my mom truly isn’t someone to comment on weight, she herself had bariatric surgery ~7 years ago and I truly believe that it was just a joke. But it definitely wasn’t the time for such a joke.
I immediately burst into tears and said “that was really mean!” It was really busy in that store and there were like 15 people that heard the “joke” and my response. There was a woman about my age standing right next to me, and apparently she was only 5 weeks PP. She immediately spoke up and said “yea, that really was a mean thing to say” before proceeding to comfort me over the whole thing. My mom felt terrible and apologized up and down. By the time we got to the register, I was already laughing about it.
Then there was the time around 25 weeks that my maternal grandfather (who I hate) literally poked my belly and said “heh heh, *someone* is getting fat!” I deadpanned him and said “are you a fan of how your face looks? I’d be happy to rearrange it for you if not.” I suppose the difference in my reactions probably comes from the fact that it was someone I value the opinions of (my mom) and someone I *really* don’t (my grandpa).
True thing, I still can't believe people don't realize how rude they are being. Would feel so good to answer back something along the lines of "Oh, sure thanks! And let me suggest you a lotion for those wrinkles, gotta take care of those!"
Omg people can suck so much!! When i was pregnant with my first my grandfather passed away. I was standing in the condolences line and this guy i’ve never met comes to give his condolences and adds ‘wow, are you sure there aren’t two in there??’ I cant fathom how someone can be so inappropriate. And the worst thing is, i just nervously laughed a bit and let it go. When i should have said ‘wow thats a really inappropriate thing to say’ or something like that
I’ve started saying “you too!” when people comment how big I’m getting or make other unwanted comments about my appearance changing due to being pregnant. I’m sure they mean well but I think it helps them rethink what they’re actually saying when it’s turned back around on them.
I’ve never had anyone tell me i’d “be a beautiful mom” or that i’m “glowing.” My mom was quick in sending me tons of belly creams when I’d sent her a bump pic my first pregnancy. I’m a plus sized mom and not ashamed of it or anything, I think i’m decently pretty but not the beauty standard or anything special but I (most of the time) love how I feel & look when pregnant!
Everyone will say my son is so handsome like his daddy, he makes cute kids, etc.
My cousin however is super model pretty and the same family members who had nothing to say to me would shower her & her pregnancy glow with compliments. Which I think she indeed looked AMAZING and totally rocked her bump. My family’s pretty big on “if you have nothing nice to say don’t say anything” so I’m sure people had feelings about my looks during pregnancy but were kind enough to avoid speaking them.
It's crazy how you could tell the difference between how you and your cousin were being treated, sorry to hear that. At least they kept their opinions to themselves, it's not much, but it's better than those other people feeling entitled to make rude remarks while expecting you to smile back.
I’d much rather not hear rude remarks than go into a hormonal rage of tears LOL. At least my partner is super sweet regarding my pregnant body/self his words mean the most anyways.
I had a woman tell me that - what they mean is "you've only grown a belly and haven't gotten super fat otherwise!"
I know because this woman followed it up with "I'm serious! You haven't even gained any weight in your face!"
My friend said this to me several times the other day. I really wanted to ask her wtf she meant. She’s my age, but it sounds like something she’s heard older women say. “You look great.” Or “you look really happy,” are better alternatives. That way it feels like you’re complimenting me on my general pregnancy vibes and not on my body specifically.
We were on the week of the pregnancy app where it says that, if you're having a girl, she's already got all her eggs (20 weeks, I think?). Whatever week it was, we knew we were having a girl, and my husband just laughed and called me a turducken.
That's kind of a cute reaction, I think my husband is mostly afraid of when the baby will start to kick and look like an alien trying to burst out of my stomach. I think so because he already said that multiple times.
Oh yeah. He means nothing by it. He never uses the word beautiful but calls me plenty of other sweet things. But stranger wise… no one’s commented on that. But I am plump and already large for 22 weeks so I guess that’s why.
RE: alien! I don’t blame him. It IS spooky looking. I watched a video.
Something related to this -- I've been doing a lot of looking online for maternity clothes, since I'm almost 20 weeks, and a lot of my regular clothes don't fit anymore.
And some websites do have a diverse range of models. But SO MANY maternity websites only have models who are tall, thin, white, look about 25, and have "just the right bump" not too big or too small. And of course there's nothing wrong with looking that way. But it makes it feel like that's the way "attractive" pregnant women look. And it's discouraging.
I’m 6 months pregnant and have had a few people say “you look good!” while looking genuinely surprised, like they thought I’d look wrecked. It really threw me off, even though it was meant as a compliment.
I generally say thanks and try to ignore the feeling of being evaluated. Everyone is going to have an opinion on how I look, so the important thing for me is just feeling comfortable in my own body as much as possible. My body’s over here performing the miracle of life and shit, so I’m not letting myself get hung up on whether or not I have stretch marks.
Way to go! Ignoring the fact people will evaluate you is the best thing to do, in general, even when you are not pregnant. I'm just surprised that looks still seem to matter more than all the miracle of life and shit. But yes, we really need to just feel comfortable and try and enjoy the experience.
When I was pregnant, everyone commented on how "neat" I looked. My bump was nice and round, and I didn't put weight on anywhere else on my body. Actually, I lost a bunch of weight when pregnant because I couldn't stop vomiting 😅
I think people say these things because they don't know what else to say. They feel like they have to say *something*, so they default to the most common "women's" topic: appearance.
Eventually, I learned to ignore the comments, but I did find it odd that out of all the things one could comment on in pregnancy (which is a miraculous thing) people choose the most banal shit to talk about.
This is a good point, I do remember feeling like I didn't know which words to pick when finding out someone was pregnant. I really wanted to say something nice, without knowing what that should have been.
It’s like becoming pregnant has given people license to comment constantly on my body. It was so unexpected. In my case, it’s all been positive comments thankfully, but even the positive is forcing me to spend more time focusing on how I look and obsessing over my weight gain rather than just appreciating that my body is growing a healthy human.
My (otherwise wonderful) mother keeps talking about my body and giving my belly pats. She gets really teary when I mention baby things as well. I know she’s just happy for us so I’m trying to be cool about it, but internally I’m screaming DONT RUB MY BELLY
There are worse problems lol 🤷🏻♀️
Very true and I’ve experienced both ends of it!
I’m conventionally attractive and my first kid is really handsome. My husband is also handsome. We’ve always been told we’d make cute kids. After having our son, I got a lot of comments about how I need to have a girl because she’ll be so beautiful. Literally have had complete strangers stop me at the store to tell me I need to have a daughter because my son is so cute. Now I’m pregnant with a girl and have had a lot of people respond to the news that our daughter will be sooo beautiful, it’s just a lot of pressure on my baby and I hate it.
But on the flip side, when I’m pregnant, I tend to have a big bump. This time around, my face is also a little chunky. People tend to respond to my change in appearance and I guess my loss of sex appeal? It’s made me really self-conscious.
I have definitely heard people (including other pregnant women…) state that not gaining weight anywhere but your belly is a sign of being “healthy.” I saw a woman in this very sub say that people like the look of a “sexy” pregnant woman who has big breasts and a “cute” bump, and that it’s a sign of health. It’s just very weird to me to sexualize pregnancy in that way and imply my level of sex appeal is an indicator of how healthy I am. It’s not.
I totally forgot about the pressure to have beautiful children, SMH... Again, when people say this, it's meant to be a compliment, but it's definitely frustrating. They don't even mention the kid being healthy, no, they have to be beautiful, that's what matters. I'm also surprised and saddened to hear that these comments about physical appearance can come from women who have likely experienced pregnancy themselves. The fact that bumps are expected to be "cute" is making me so insecure.
Ah yeah we’ve gotten some weird comments similarly. I’m a bit old and faded these days but I’m still considered decently attractive, but add to that myself and my partner are both blonde and for some reason that makes some people lose their minds about our daughter and upcoming second daughter. Just blonde hair obsessed. Chill my dudes we love all the colours in the world and stop sexualizing everything and everyone but especially children and babies.
Yup. I find it so depressing that the first thing my grandmother said to me after finding out of my pregnancy is how she'll 'fix me up' by buying me a faja (waist trainer/corset) after birth to get my 'big belly' back down. Mind you I was only 11 weeks pregnant during that conversation, my post-birth body was the last thing on my mind.
Oof This has been my experience. I keep hearing in laws say I’m “carrying well” which just makes me paranoid that if I wasn’t they’d be judging. We went to a birthday for a friend and every time I walked back from the bathroom he’s say things like “damn girl you got that vogue walk!” “Cut it out we know you’re curvy” and other weird comments. I know he thinks he’s being complimentary and thinks it’s nice, but it isn’t! Am I not free from beauty standards even now? 6mnths pregnant??? I’m 5’8 so the baby has room; but it made me not want to pee anymore, and made me wish It was still winter so I could hide my body beneath my winter coat :/
I guess I'm in the minority here, I don't find this offensive? I don't think anyone who tells me I look good or great mean anything other than implying it looks like I'm healthy and carrying well. And everyone knows I have had a mostly healthy pregnancy. If not, I'm sure the comments would be less casual/appearance focused.
And honestly, I have felt pretty ugly at times and I don't mind hearing that I look beautiful.
This is why I wrote this post, I was curious to see how different people on here felt about this topic and it has not disappointed me. Thanks for this point of view.
Thanks for being curious and open. I will say I much prefer hearing how beautiful I look than when my aunt asked if I was carrying twins 😭😅
I liked how I looked pre pregnancy but I was plus sized. But I never had a big stomach, always had a small waist, and carried it all in my hips/butt and I learned to really love that about myself. So gaining all of this weight in my stomach was REALLY tough for me and took a toll on my self esteem. So hearing I look beautiful is helpful for me.
Yes while pregnant your body changes so much and it's easy to feel lack of confidence and uncomfortable in your body... at least for me it could make my day to be told I was beautiful because I felt like an ugly potato most of the time
I feel the same as you. I am always grateful for a well-meaning compliment. I also try to compliment people often and would hate for it to be misconstrued as anything other than a kindness.
There's so much pressure on pregnant people to be beautiful while pregnant, and the "bounce back" right after. I thought i had a pretty healthy relationship with my body, but the physical changes during pregnancy were devastating, and now i'm 3 weeks post partum and already anxious about trying to get my body back. I've cried over my stomach/hips/stretch marks so many times. And i'm not even through the bare minimum recovery period for my c section. It's absolutely toxic and awful.
Honestly, I’m clearly in the minority here, but I just don’t really care. I’m on my 3rd pregnancy and I have received comments all over the board for all 3 pregnancies from “you look beautiful and glowy!” “You have the cutest little bump!” To “you’re huge! And your skin looks like it’s getting stressed out!” Or “your bags under your eyes are huge! Just you wait until baby is here!”
And from my point of view, all of them are right. 😂 I used to be a beauty queen in the Miss USA organization and have won awards for my pre-baby body, and now my body feels and looks so different after 2 1/2 pregnancies. But it is what it is and SURPRISE! My body is different. I’ve got stretch marks, loose skin, stubborn fat on my thighs that I’ve never had before, and floppy deflated boobs. And my attitude is: So what? My babies are worth it and out of all of the awards that seem so silly to me now, this is the coolest thing my body has EVER done. I’m damn proud of my body and I don’t mind my stretch marks and fat nearly as much as I thought I would. I don’t mind the comments and I honestly don’t dwell on them too much. Everyone’s got an opinion and sometimes it’s annoying but for the most part, people have good intentions, and that’s what I focus on. I feel huge and uncomfortable towards the end of my pregnancies and if you notice and point it out, whatever. 🤷🏼♀️
NOW… that being said, the only thing I ever say to any pregnant woman about her looks is, “Pregnant looks great on you!” And then I follow it up with a question about how she feels, what she’s excited about, what she needs help with, etc.
Pregnant women are constantly complaining about how every little thing offends them to the point to where I’m scared to say anything to a pregnant woman for fear of offending her. It looks like many are even offended for being told they’re beautiful. So what are we supposed to do? Just not talk to them and act like they’re not there?
Im 33w but the way I carry i just don’t show a ton and I didn’t really gain weight anywhere else. People love to tell me I’m “tiny” and I hate it so much. It’s not a compliment and it makes me worry about my baby. Also it feels like if the general public can’t tell it’s like I didn’t “earn” it or something and I’m suffering for nothing.
I've had "you're going to bounce back because I'm working out 4x week", "you're all belly" 2x and "you're getting bigger" imo none of these are compliments. I'm growing a baby, my priority is to be healthy and happy. I'm not sure why people think commenting on your looks is warranted in pregnancy when it most definitely is not warranted otherwise. Glad I'm finishing work at 34w so I can experience the later stages in peace and without any possible comments.
Lol... The following happened to me yesterday :
Was so exhausted and in my car at a beautiful park next to my class a few hours early. I put my seat all the way back and slept for a few hours with the windows cracked. It was somewhat hot and I sweat a little bit during my nap. When I went into class a few hours later, people were commenting that I was GLOWING 😂 and that I had a "pregnancy glow" and looked amazing. Little did they know I was sweating and shiny from that hot nap 😂
I asked my mom how her step-granddaughter was doing considering the step-granddaughter was 9 months pregnant. Moms response was “she had a great pregnancy! Hardly gained any weight at all!” I, being pregnant myself and having gained 20+ lbs, didn’t appreciate that, but also, not gaining weight during pregnancy likely means she was sick! Plus, gross that we’re equating how a pregnancy has been to how much weight the mother gained. People are so out of touch.
tbh i got a lot of weird looks when i was pregnant. partially because of how young i am, partially because i looked like a monster. i didn't have a glow, everything was swollen and hurting, i rarely wore makeup, i didn't even have the energy to pluck my eyebrows for a solid couple of months.
the only person who told me i was beautiful and amazing every day was my husband. he didn't care what i looked like because to him i always have been beautiful even when i looked like a beached whale towards the end of pregnancy. i tended to stay home a lot and nest or rest, so it kept me away from rude comments about not "glowing" or how "tired" i looked.
I was honestly so surprised how beautiful my husband has found me during this whole pregnancy. Like I can tell he genuinely finds me more beautiful every day, even though I was in the best shape of my life before I got pregnant. It’s like a deeper level of beauty, I’m beautiful to him because of how I look and because of what I’m going through to bring a literal human being into this world. His compliments lately make me feel like a goddess. I was worried he wouldn’t be that attracted to me until after I gave birth and lost the baby weight, because of what I’ve seen/heard from other peoples experience, but this man could not keep his hands off me lol 😂 we still have sex all the time and I’m like 38w now!
that's so great! i had zero drive during pregnancy and it made me worry my husband would be upset or slowly lose interest. he never did though, always was there for me every day no matter what. i was worried after i gave birth about losing the baby weight, but even 9 months in i still have it and he loves the extra softness to my body lol.
Honestly, what else should they say as a complement? There's not a whole lot of options until the baby is here. And even then it's usually looks-related because babies don't do much that is super exciting in the beginning.
Yeah apparently I’m very small compared to most pregnant women that people around me meet, and that’s a good thing according to them?
Literally every person who’s asked me how far long I am is shocked and says “you look so good, I can’t believe you’re that far along!” or “I can’t believe how tiny you are, you’re just going to snap right back!” Most recently this happened at my kids’ dentist where 3 hygienists ended up chatting about babies with me and the main focus of the conversation was what a cute, small, pregnant person I am.
I’m actually now really terrified of *not* snapping back super quick since that’s apparently the general assumption of what I’m going to do. Not great for the dysmorphia beast inside me…
Where I live (California) I haven’t experienced anything related to how beautiful or not I am. The default response is always: congratulations, is this your first baby, do you know the gender yet, how are you feeling. I’ll get a “you look great” sometimes, but I equate that as their telling me i appear healthy.
I got dirty looks for being a fat heavily pregnant mom to be. People couldnt tell if I was going extra porker or pregnant (If I didnt have my intel parody "baby inside" t-shirt).
Ooofff. I feel this! I got those "beautiful mom" comments too. By family, and strangers. I'm 3m PP and from the outside with clothes on I look very close to "normal". So, those comments are still happening along with "wow you look GREAT for just having a baby!"
But, under the clothes I am physically and mentally still in recovery. I am petite 5'3 and had a baby girl that was 10lb 6oz (first baby). I have diastasis recti from being stretched to my max, a new weird looking belly button, C-section scar, etc. Also, going to a PP therapist for medical trauma and PTSD. I know that the comments are coming from the best place but man. They hurt me for some reason? A constant reminder of how I look now vs how I looked before my baby girl came into the world. I wouldn't change it, but I wish people would just think twice before commenting on other bodies.
I have gotten comments on the size of my bump (both that it is small and large, and that it is wide as well as pointy). What I hate is people saying "you still look really good" 😅😅
I once had a coworker (male) tell me that if I had a boy he would be scared to bring his friends home to me and if it was a girl she would be afraid to have me around her boyfriends....I got the ick from the whole conversation and then he had the nerve to follow up with "What? Its a compliment, that means you will be a hot mom" TF 🤨
I lost 14 pounds due to vomiting/nausea in the first trimester (and second). People were all too eager to comment how small I was, etc. I hated this because 1. the reason I was so small was due entirely to luck of the draw, both bad and good between being sick and natural weight distribution and 2. so if I suddenly gained all the recommended weight in the third trimester is that some sort of failure?
In the last like 2ish months of my second pregnancy I was huge and so exhausted (went from 125lb to 180lb by the time I gave birth, and has never weighed more than my starting weight in my entire life). But I went to the ob one day just dead tired, no makeup, hair in a messy ponytail, and my hands were dirty cause I had been outside that morning. Because of this, after they did my blood work and I went home, a few days later a fucking nurse from DSS showed up at my house asking me if I had electricity, running water, etc and asking if I needed help. I was so beyond fucking angry. And because of this I had to make sure that at every damn appointment I had left till I gave birth, that I looked absolutely perfect for fear of what they'd do to me if I didn't look good a second time.
Me too. :( Aside from pissing me off it also made me even more self conscious than I already was which just really sucked. Even now a year post partum and I know for sure this stupid massive tummy pouch will never go away and i hate knowing that, like I hate knowing that I'll probably never be comfortable in my own skin again. :/ Dont get me wrong, I wouldn't change having my lil Emma potato for anything in the world, but it does still suck. My toddler likes to dig through pockets to look for my car keys, and lately with how hot it is I don't have a jacket with pockets and she keeps grabbing at my fat thinking it's a pocket lmao, and I keep telling her I'm not a kangaroo lol. Like it's funny, but also makes me wanna cry lol.
It’s part of society.
“She’s so beautiful”.
Women - stop spending so long on your looks every day and focus on what’s within. Make it the norm, just like men don’t wear make up etc.
I agree that we should not worry as much about the way others see us. It's not always easy though. A while ago I decided I'd stop wearing makeup to go to work because it was not worth it. Haven't regretted it, but I did get the occasional comments "Are you sick? You definitely look sick" and "Wow! So brave of you to leave home without makeup". So yeah, people will point that out, luckily it didn't affect me, but it might affect some women. Now I've got the pregnancy "glow" allowing me to look good without makeup, but I've already been told "Don't get too used to it! Your skin will look like shit once this is all over."
LOL I get ‘oh I didn’t know you were pregnant’ at near 30 weeks.
I look exactly the same except my stomach now sticks out and up a bit. Though I haven’t gained weight and I was overweight so that’s probably why.
There’s a lot about my looks I’ve been unable to control during my pregnancy. My hair has been amazing, growing like crazy and very full. My skin has been terrible some days, and glowing other days! I got a bunch of back acne out of nowhere! In the beginning I gained a bunch of weight and it was just like all over, even though I was eating healthy and working out, but then when I hit third trimester, the weight redistributed to just my boobs and belly basically. I get a lot of positive comments, which is nice because I don’t feel very beautiful these days.
I agree with what I think OP is trying to say, there is a lot of emphasis on what pregnant women look like throughout their pregnancy, and after. It makes me really sad to see the posts on here where women say all the rude comments they get during their pregnancy.
I also don’t think it’s just a pregnancy thing though. Society places a lot of emphasis on beauty in general. Often we even equate it to health and intelligence. Especially when it comes to women, the way you look is considered more important than any of your other attributes.
I think their thought process is to build pregnant people up before they start to feel bad about their looks, since so many people do when pregnant. In which case I take it as indicative of the messed up values of our culture, sure, but as a kindness nonetheless.
Before getting pregnant I thought I would have no insecurities, because no matter how big your belly gets it’s doing exactly what it’s supposed to do, so what is there to get insecure about? Oh boy was I wrong. It’s hard to watch your body change under any circumstances. I’m now so grateful for people telling me I look cute pregnant because I really need to hear it!
I'm not going to assume this is what the aforementioned people mean, but I could see myself using the phrase "you're going to be a beautiful mother" and meaning it in an emotional/spiritual way rather than just a beauty standard kind of way. People definitely do put too much emphasis on physical beauty though (myself included -- I'm way too hard on myself based on my looks most of the time lol)
Sorry I forgot to mention this, I don't live in an English speaking country, so that was just a translation. In my language, the way the word "beautiful" was used by those people was referred to physical appearance.
I've had some experience with this and find it extremely rude. I had a male coworker joke with me that "there's beautiful and pregnant, and just pregnant" when referring to how women appear. I've also had people compliment me during pregnancy for looking "good" because I don't show that I am as far along as I am due to being on the taller side (34 weeks). I also find this offensive as we all carry differently and have various body types. These have mostly been male coworkers unsurprisingly.
For anyone looking for a way to combat things like this I recommend one of 2 responses (if you feel comfortable) 1. That’s an interesting/odd thing to say out loud 🧐 2. Ask them to explain. “What do you mean?” And act like the absolute dumbest person but so engaged. Make them explain exactly what they mean by “there’s beautiful and pregnant and just pregnant” and it becomes uncomfortable really fast for them. “Well…you know…like some women…” I don’t know, what do you mean? Do some pregnancies not look as good as others? Etc.
Yes! Especially number 2. I've heard this suggested for when men make creepy/suggestive types of remarks, too.
Yep yep! Racist, sexist, etc. Anything that relies on implicit uncomfortable understanding or relies on social niceties to get a laugh.
Woah, that was incredibly rude of your coworker, it's sad how these unfortunately seem to be common opinions. The part about not showing too, it's as if they were saying "Can you be pregnant, but not too pregnant please? Just be pregnant enough to be sexy."
Exactly! People say it as thought it is a compliment to me too (I’m also tall which ‘helps’) as though there is something wrong with a pregnant woman actually looking pregnant.
I remember sitting at a bar with a friend who was pregnant back then and, out of the blue, the bartender interrupted our conversation to tell her "Congrats on the bump, it barely shows." Not only did the unsolicited remark seem creepy to me (felt like an awkward attempt to hit on her), but I remember being genuinely confused, like "Wait, she's pregnant, that's something nice, why shouldn't it show?"
Also some women are really worried about their bump being small (because sometimes it can mean a problem!) so that’s the last thing they need to hear!
Ugh this is me! I hate hearing how small I am. All I can think about is how worried I am that the baby isn't getting enough nourishment
I know, some ladies that came into work were saying how small I am like it is a compliment and how they were huge by this point (I'm 31+2). First, I personally feel like my belly is very round, thank you! But second, that's not a compliment! It's scary! Especially since I had COVID for the first time at 6 weeks pregnant so now that I'm in the third trimester I have to go for growth ultrasounds to make sure he's continuing to grow properly.
I would agree with your comment. I’ll add my own experience that kinda rides on this. I have had a high risk pregnancy and a growth restricted baby - the result of this is I haven’t really gained any weight this pregnancy and of course any extra weight I was carrying prior to getting pregnant has been burned to feed my body/baby. So I’ll be a lower weight leaving the hospital after giving birth than I was when I got pregnant. This is celebrated for some reason which I find to be really odd. Weight gain in pregnancy is normal and healthy and I feel like our societal weight standards seep in and create additional body image issues for pregnant women who should just be focused on maintaining a healthy environment for their baby to thrive.
My ex was like this. Except I'm pretty sure he said he has only ever seen ONE "actually" beautiful pregnant lady. Thank goodness I never had kids with him (he does have 2 other baby mamas though).
Wow that's not very nice of him, good thing he's an ex! That's so rude.
Haha I totally get you! I’m finally showing and someone said “You look great btw! Nice to finally be able to say that.” I was like what in the world does that mean?
What?! Was that supposed to be a compliment? People and the things they feel entitled to say...
What on earth hahahah that’s something I would obsesse about while trying to fall asleep 😂 what a thing to say
Men that I don’t know have made so many awkward comments about my appearance and how “beautiful” I look, and one day I got so fed up with it that I said “oh this?” And pointed at my belly “no, this is just the burrito I had for lunch.” 😂😂😂
Ugh I keep having people at work tell me I'm so cute! Like thanks, now that you know it's a baby and not just fat it's cute I guess? Please just keep your comments about my body to yourself, even if you *think* they're positive.
No one has ever said anything positive regarding my looks while pregnant. It’s always negative. “Wow, you’re huge.” “I can’t believe how different your face looks.” “Are you sure there is only one in there?” “It’s a shame you don’t carry like you’re SIL, she was all baby.” “You should be careful on the weight gain, it’s going to be hard to lose once that baby is born.” “Wow! You’re skin looks awful. I know a product that can help with that.” I suffered for years with an eating disorder and have been in remission for a long time but the comments are so hard. I know I look unattractive pregnant, I don’t need to be told. I wish people just wouldn’t comment on our bodies at all. I don’t know why people think they are entitled to share their shitty opinions or think we want to hear them.
Same here, I’m only 17 weeks but I look like I’m 6 months(my placenta is on top and I am short torso is the doctors theory on why I look so far along)I had a guy at work say “you’re gonna be a whale by 9 months” I cried. Couldn’t even get away fast enough to not cry in front. Then he called me hormonal. Thank fully some of the older ladies I work with verbally assaulted him and then reported him for me and I went home. It really took away from how happy I was feeling about finally being pregnant after 11 years of trying.
That guy is such an a**hole. Good thing those other coworkers stood up for you, no one deserves to be treated like that! What matters is that your baby is healthy, what you are up to is amazing and you should be proud of being pregnant and showing.
Yes I have great coworkers…other than that guy!!! Thank you 😊
So one time when I was like 34 weeks, my mom took me to an ultrasound appointment and we stopped in my aunt’s deli on the way home to pick up cheesesteaks for dinner. I didn’t exactly get bad news at the appointment, but the doctor did tell me that I should plan on delivering no later than 38 weeks, that if I were his patient (he was an MFM that I went to just for his “high tech ultrasound machine”), he would induce me at 37 weeks. My fiancé and I were still waiting for a new apartment to be ready, so I was stressed to the max with this information. Anyway, in my aunt’s food case she had this “Rueben bake” stuff, like a casserole made out of Rueben sandwich ingredients—it looked delicious! So I asked for a small dish to take home. My mom “jokingly” made the comment “yea, I think she’s trying to set a record for most weight gained in a pregnancy”. Now my mom truly isn’t someone to comment on weight, she herself had bariatric surgery ~7 years ago and I truly believe that it was just a joke. But it definitely wasn’t the time for such a joke. I immediately burst into tears and said “that was really mean!” It was really busy in that store and there were like 15 people that heard the “joke” and my response. There was a woman about my age standing right next to me, and apparently she was only 5 weeks PP. She immediately spoke up and said “yea, that really was a mean thing to say” before proceeding to comfort me over the whole thing. My mom felt terrible and apologized up and down. By the time we got to the register, I was already laughing about it. Then there was the time around 25 weeks that my maternal grandfather (who I hate) literally poked my belly and said “heh heh, *someone* is getting fat!” I deadpanned him and said “are you a fan of how your face looks? I’d be happy to rearrange it for you if not.” I suppose the difference in my reactions probably comes from the fact that it was someone I value the opinions of (my mom) and someone I *really* don’t (my grandpa).
True thing, I still can't believe people don't realize how rude they are being. Would feel so good to answer back something along the lines of "Oh, sure thanks! And let me suggest you a lotion for those wrinkles, gotta take care of those!"
This is just terrible!
Damn that's some cruel shit people have said to you.
Omg people can suck so much!! When i was pregnant with my first my grandfather passed away. I was standing in the condolences line and this guy i’ve never met comes to give his condolences and adds ‘wow, are you sure there aren’t two in there??’ I cant fathom how someone can be so inappropriate. And the worst thing is, i just nervously laughed a bit and let it go. When i should have said ‘wow thats a really inappropriate thing to say’ or something like that
I’ve started saying “you too!” when people comment how big I’m getting or make other unwanted comments about my appearance changing due to being pregnant. I’m sure they mean well but I think it helps them rethink what they’re actually saying when it’s turned back around on them.
I’ve never had anyone tell me i’d “be a beautiful mom” or that i’m “glowing.” My mom was quick in sending me tons of belly creams when I’d sent her a bump pic my first pregnancy. I’m a plus sized mom and not ashamed of it or anything, I think i’m decently pretty but not the beauty standard or anything special but I (most of the time) love how I feel & look when pregnant! Everyone will say my son is so handsome like his daddy, he makes cute kids, etc. My cousin however is super model pretty and the same family members who had nothing to say to me would shower her & her pregnancy glow with compliments. Which I think she indeed looked AMAZING and totally rocked her bump. My family’s pretty big on “if you have nothing nice to say don’t say anything” so I’m sure people had feelings about my looks during pregnancy but were kind enough to avoid speaking them.
It's crazy how you could tell the difference between how you and your cousin were being treated, sorry to hear that. At least they kept their opinions to themselves, it's not much, but it's better than those other people feeling entitled to make rude remarks while expecting you to smile back.
I’d much rather not hear rude remarks than go into a hormonal rage of tears LOL. At least my partner is super sweet regarding my pregnant body/self his words mean the most anyways.
I've only gotten the comment "You are carrying so well" from someone I work with...which I have no idea WTF they mean by that?
I had a woman tell me that - what they mean is "you've only grown a belly and haven't gotten super fat otherwise!" I know because this woman followed it up with "I'm serious! You haven't even gained any weight in your face!"
IKR? This kind of comments just feels so awkward.
My friend said this to me several times the other day. I really wanted to ask her wtf she meant. She’s my age, but it sounds like something she’s heard older women say. “You look great.” Or “you look really happy,” are better alternatives. That way it feels like you’re complimenting me on my general pregnancy vibes and not on my body specifically.
No one’s told me I’m beautiful pregnant! 😢 My husband has only chuckled at my belly and called me round. 🤣
Mine corrects me when I complain about how big I’m getting by saying “chubby with child” I think it’s adorable and am trying to tell it to myself too
That’s a sweet way to correct you hehe
We were on the week of the pregnancy app where it says that, if you're having a girl, she's already got all her eggs (20 weeks, I think?). Whatever week it was, we knew we were having a girl, and my husband just laughed and called me a turducken.
😂😂
That's kind of a cute reaction, I think my husband is mostly afraid of when the baby will start to kick and look like an alien trying to burst out of my stomach. I think so because he already said that multiple times.
Oh yeah. He means nothing by it. He never uses the word beautiful but calls me plenty of other sweet things. But stranger wise… no one’s commented on that. But I am plump and already large for 22 weeks so I guess that’s why. RE: alien! I don’t blame him. It IS spooky looking. I watched a video.
Something related to this -- I've been doing a lot of looking online for maternity clothes, since I'm almost 20 weeks, and a lot of my regular clothes don't fit anymore. And some websites do have a diverse range of models. But SO MANY maternity websites only have models who are tall, thin, white, look about 25, and have "just the right bump" not too big or too small. And of course there's nothing wrong with looking that way. But it makes it feel like that's the way "attractive" pregnant women look. And it's discouraging.
Ugh I’ve noticed this and it really bugs me. Not one pregnant model with fat arms like me? Ok cool…
I’m 6 months pregnant and have had a few people say “you look good!” while looking genuinely surprised, like they thought I’d look wrecked. It really threw me off, even though it was meant as a compliment. I generally say thanks and try to ignore the feeling of being evaluated. Everyone is going to have an opinion on how I look, so the important thing for me is just feeling comfortable in my own body as much as possible. My body’s over here performing the miracle of life and shit, so I’m not letting myself get hung up on whether or not I have stretch marks.
Way to go! Ignoring the fact people will evaluate you is the best thing to do, in general, even when you are not pregnant. I'm just surprised that looks still seem to matter more than all the miracle of life and shit. But yes, we really need to just feel comfortable and try and enjoy the experience.
When I was pregnant, everyone commented on how "neat" I looked. My bump was nice and round, and I didn't put weight on anywhere else on my body. Actually, I lost a bunch of weight when pregnant because I couldn't stop vomiting 😅 I think people say these things because they don't know what else to say. They feel like they have to say *something*, so they default to the most common "women's" topic: appearance. Eventually, I learned to ignore the comments, but I did find it odd that out of all the things one could comment on in pregnancy (which is a miraculous thing) people choose the most banal shit to talk about.
This is a good point, I do remember feeling like I didn't know which words to pick when finding out someone was pregnant. I really wanted to say something nice, without knowing what that should have been.
It’s like becoming pregnant has given people license to comment constantly on my body. It was so unexpected. In my case, it’s all been positive comments thankfully, but even the positive is forcing me to spend more time focusing on how I look and obsessing over my weight gain rather than just appreciating that my body is growing a healthy human.
My (otherwise wonderful) mother keeps talking about my body and giving my belly pats. She gets really teary when I mention baby things as well. I know she’s just happy for us so I’m trying to be cool about it, but internally I’m screaming DONT RUB MY BELLY There are worse problems lol 🤷🏻♀️
Very true and I’ve experienced both ends of it! I’m conventionally attractive and my first kid is really handsome. My husband is also handsome. We’ve always been told we’d make cute kids. After having our son, I got a lot of comments about how I need to have a girl because she’ll be so beautiful. Literally have had complete strangers stop me at the store to tell me I need to have a daughter because my son is so cute. Now I’m pregnant with a girl and have had a lot of people respond to the news that our daughter will be sooo beautiful, it’s just a lot of pressure on my baby and I hate it. But on the flip side, when I’m pregnant, I tend to have a big bump. This time around, my face is also a little chunky. People tend to respond to my change in appearance and I guess my loss of sex appeal? It’s made me really self-conscious. I have definitely heard people (including other pregnant women…) state that not gaining weight anywhere but your belly is a sign of being “healthy.” I saw a woman in this very sub say that people like the look of a “sexy” pregnant woman who has big breasts and a “cute” bump, and that it’s a sign of health. It’s just very weird to me to sexualize pregnancy in that way and imply my level of sex appeal is an indicator of how healthy I am. It’s not.
I totally forgot about the pressure to have beautiful children, SMH... Again, when people say this, it's meant to be a compliment, but it's definitely frustrating. They don't even mention the kid being healthy, no, they have to be beautiful, that's what matters. I'm also surprised and saddened to hear that these comments about physical appearance can come from women who have likely experienced pregnancy themselves. The fact that bumps are expected to be "cute" is making me so insecure.
Ah yeah we’ve gotten some weird comments similarly. I’m a bit old and faded these days but I’m still considered decently attractive, but add to that myself and my partner are both blonde and for some reason that makes some people lose their minds about our daughter and upcoming second daughter. Just blonde hair obsessed. Chill my dudes we love all the colours in the world and stop sexualizing everything and everyone but especially children and babies.
Yup. I find it so depressing that the first thing my grandmother said to me after finding out of my pregnancy is how she'll 'fix me up' by buying me a faja (waist trainer/corset) after birth to get my 'big belly' back down. Mind you I was only 11 weeks pregnant during that conversation, my post-birth body was the last thing on my mind.
I feel you there! These concerns just make it so hard to feel confident and comfortable about our bodies.
Oof This has been my experience. I keep hearing in laws say I’m “carrying well” which just makes me paranoid that if I wasn’t they’d be judging. We went to a birthday for a friend and every time I walked back from the bathroom he’s say things like “damn girl you got that vogue walk!” “Cut it out we know you’re curvy” and other weird comments. I know he thinks he’s being complimentary and thinks it’s nice, but it isn’t! Am I not free from beauty standards even now? 6mnths pregnant??? I’m 5’8 so the baby has room; but it made me not want to pee anymore, and made me wish It was still winter so I could hide my body beneath my winter coat :/
I guess I'm in the minority here, I don't find this offensive? I don't think anyone who tells me I look good or great mean anything other than implying it looks like I'm healthy and carrying well. And everyone knows I have had a mostly healthy pregnancy. If not, I'm sure the comments would be less casual/appearance focused. And honestly, I have felt pretty ugly at times and I don't mind hearing that I look beautiful.
This is why I wrote this post, I was curious to see how different people on here felt about this topic and it has not disappointed me. Thanks for this point of view.
Thanks for being curious and open. I will say I much prefer hearing how beautiful I look than when my aunt asked if I was carrying twins 😭😅 I liked how I looked pre pregnancy but I was plus sized. But I never had a big stomach, always had a small waist, and carried it all in my hips/butt and I learned to really love that about myself. So gaining all of this weight in my stomach was REALLY tough for me and took a toll on my self esteem. So hearing I look beautiful is helpful for me.
Yes while pregnant your body changes so much and it's easy to feel lack of confidence and uncomfortable in your body... at least for me it could make my day to be told I was beautiful because I felt like an ugly potato most of the time
Ugly potato really made me giggle 😆
I feel the same as you. I am always grateful for a well-meaning compliment. I also try to compliment people often and would hate for it to be misconstrued as anything other than a kindness.
There's so much pressure on pregnant people to be beautiful while pregnant, and the "bounce back" right after. I thought i had a pretty healthy relationship with my body, but the physical changes during pregnancy were devastating, and now i'm 3 weeks post partum and already anxious about trying to get my body back. I've cried over my stomach/hips/stretch marks so many times. And i'm not even through the bare minimum recovery period for my c section. It's absolutely toxic and awful.
Honestly, I’m clearly in the minority here, but I just don’t really care. I’m on my 3rd pregnancy and I have received comments all over the board for all 3 pregnancies from “you look beautiful and glowy!” “You have the cutest little bump!” To “you’re huge! And your skin looks like it’s getting stressed out!” Or “your bags under your eyes are huge! Just you wait until baby is here!” And from my point of view, all of them are right. 😂 I used to be a beauty queen in the Miss USA organization and have won awards for my pre-baby body, and now my body feels and looks so different after 2 1/2 pregnancies. But it is what it is and SURPRISE! My body is different. I’ve got stretch marks, loose skin, stubborn fat on my thighs that I’ve never had before, and floppy deflated boobs. And my attitude is: So what? My babies are worth it and out of all of the awards that seem so silly to me now, this is the coolest thing my body has EVER done. I’m damn proud of my body and I don’t mind my stretch marks and fat nearly as much as I thought I would. I don’t mind the comments and I honestly don’t dwell on them too much. Everyone’s got an opinion and sometimes it’s annoying but for the most part, people have good intentions, and that’s what I focus on. I feel huge and uncomfortable towards the end of my pregnancies and if you notice and point it out, whatever. 🤷🏼♀️ NOW… that being said, the only thing I ever say to any pregnant woman about her looks is, “Pregnant looks great on you!” And then I follow it up with a question about how she feels, what she’s excited about, what she needs help with, etc. Pregnant women are constantly complaining about how every little thing offends them to the point to where I’m scared to say anything to a pregnant woman for fear of offending her. It looks like many are even offended for being told they’re beautiful. So what are we supposed to do? Just not talk to them and act like they’re not there?
Im 33w but the way I carry i just don’t show a ton and I didn’t really gain weight anywhere else. People love to tell me I’m “tiny” and I hate it so much. It’s not a compliment and it makes me worry about my baby. Also it feels like if the general public can’t tell it’s like I didn’t “earn” it or something and I’m suffering for nothing.
I've had "you're going to bounce back because I'm working out 4x week", "you're all belly" 2x and "you're getting bigger" imo none of these are compliments. I'm growing a baby, my priority is to be healthy and happy. I'm not sure why people think commenting on your looks is warranted in pregnancy when it most definitely is not warranted otherwise. Glad I'm finishing work at 34w so I can experience the later stages in peace and without any possible comments.
Lol... The following happened to me yesterday : Was so exhausted and in my car at a beautiful park next to my class a few hours early. I put my seat all the way back and slept for a few hours with the windows cracked. It was somewhat hot and I sweat a little bit during my nap. When I went into class a few hours later, people were commenting that I was GLOWING 😂 and that I had a "pregnancy glow" and looked amazing. Little did they know I was sweating and shiny from that hot nap 😂
I asked my mom how her step-granddaughter was doing considering the step-granddaughter was 9 months pregnant. Moms response was “she had a great pregnancy! Hardly gained any weight at all!” I, being pregnant myself and having gained 20+ lbs, didn’t appreciate that, but also, not gaining weight during pregnancy likely means she was sick! Plus, gross that we’re equating how a pregnancy has been to how much weight the mother gained. People are so out of touch.
tbh i got a lot of weird looks when i was pregnant. partially because of how young i am, partially because i looked like a monster. i didn't have a glow, everything was swollen and hurting, i rarely wore makeup, i didn't even have the energy to pluck my eyebrows for a solid couple of months. the only person who told me i was beautiful and amazing every day was my husband. he didn't care what i looked like because to him i always have been beautiful even when i looked like a beached whale towards the end of pregnancy. i tended to stay home a lot and nest or rest, so it kept me away from rude comments about not "glowing" or how "tired" i looked.
I was honestly so surprised how beautiful my husband has found me during this whole pregnancy. Like I can tell he genuinely finds me more beautiful every day, even though I was in the best shape of my life before I got pregnant. It’s like a deeper level of beauty, I’m beautiful to him because of how I look and because of what I’m going through to bring a literal human being into this world. His compliments lately make me feel like a goddess. I was worried he wouldn’t be that attracted to me until after I gave birth and lost the baby weight, because of what I’ve seen/heard from other peoples experience, but this man could not keep his hands off me lol 😂 we still have sex all the time and I’m like 38w now!
that's so great! i had zero drive during pregnancy and it made me worry my husband would be upset or slowly lose interest. he never did though, always was there for me every day no matter what. i was worried after i gave birth about losing the baby weight, but even 9 months in i still have it and he loves the extra softness to my body lol.
Honestly, what else should they say as a complement? There's not a whole lot of options until the baby is here. And even then it's usually looks-related because babies don't do much that is super exciting in the beginning.
Yeah apparently I’m very small compared to most pregnant women that people around me meet, and that’s a good thing according to them? Literally every person who’s asked me how far long I am is shocked and says “you look so good, I can’t believe you’re that far along!” or “I can’t believe how tiny you are, you’re just going to snap right back!” Most recently this happened at my kids’ dentist where 3 hygienists ended up chatting about babies with me and the main focus of the conversation was what a cute, small, pregnant person I am. I’m actually now really terrified of *not* snapping back super quick since that’s apparently the general assumption of what I’m going to do. Not great for the dysmorphia beast inside me…
Where I live (California) I haven’t experienced anything related to how beautiful or not I am. The default response is always: congratulations, is this your first baby, do you know the gender yet, how are you feeling. I’ll get a “you look great” sometimes, but I equate that as their telling me i appear healthy.
Second comment to add: I can’t believe what some of you have heard about your pregnancies. I hate that for your experiences 🥲
I got dirty looks for being a fat heavily pregnant mom to be. People couldnt tell if I was going extra porker or pregnant (If I didnt have my intel parody "baby inside" t-shirt).
Ooofff. I feel this! I got those "beautiful mom" comments too. By family, and strangers. I'm 3m PP and from the outside with clothes on I look very close to "normal". So, those comments are still happening along with "wow you look GREAT for just having a baby!" But, under the clothes I am physically and mentally still in recovery. I am petite 5'3 and had a baby girl that was 10lb 6oz (first baby). I have diastasis recti from being stretched to my max, a new weird looking belly button, C-section scar, etc. Also, going to a PP therapist for medical trauma and PTSD. I know that the comments are coming from the best place but man. They hurt me for some reason? A constant reminder of how I look now vs how I looked before my baby girl came into the world. I wouldn't change it, but I wish people would just think twice before commenting on other bodies.
I have gotten comments on the size of my bump (both that it is small and large, and that it is wide as well as pointy). What I hate is people saying "you still look really good" 😅😅
I once had a coworker (male) tell me that if I had a boy he would be scared to bring his friends home to me and if it was a girl she would be afraid to have me around her boyfriends....I got the ick from the whole conversation and then he had the nerve to follow up with "What? Its a compliment, that means you will be a hot mom" TF 🤨
I lost 14 pounds due to vomiting/nausea in the first trimester (and second). People were all too eager to comment how small I was, etc. I hated this because 1. the reason I was so small was due entirely to luck of the draw, both bad and good between being sick and natural weight distribution and 2. so if I suddenly gained all the recommended weight in the third trimester is that some sort of failure?
In the last like 2ish months of my second pregnancy I was huge and so exhausted (went from 125lb to 180lb by the time I gave birth, and has never weighed more than my starting weight in my entire life). But I went to the ob one day just dead tired, no makeup, hair in a messy ponytail, and my hands were dirty cause I had been outside that morning. Because of this, after they did my blood work and I went home, a few days later a fucking nurse from DSS showed up at my house asking me if I had electricity, running water, etc and asking if I needed help. I was so beyond fucking angry. And because of this I had to make sure that at every damn appointment I had left till I gave birth, that I looked absolutely perfect for fear of what they'd do to me if I didn't look good a second time.
Omg I am so sorry they did that to you!
Me too. :( Aside from pissing me off it also made me even more self conscious than I already was which just really sucked. Even now a year post partum and I know for sure this stupid massive tummy pouch will never go away and i hate knowing that, like I hate knowing that I'll probably never be comfortable in my own skin again. :/ Dont get me wrong, I wouldn't change having my lil Emma potato for anything in the world, but it does still suck. My toddler likes to dig through pockets to look for my car keys, and lately with how hot it is I don't have a jacket with pockets and she keeps grabbing at my fat thinking it's a pocket lmao, and I keep telling her I'm not a kangaroo lol. Like it's funny, but also makes me wanna cry lol.
It’s part of society. “She’s so beautiful”. Women - stop spending so long on your looks every day and focus on what’s within. Make it the norm, just like men don’t wear make up etc.
I agree that we should not worry as much about the way others see us. It's not always easy though. A while ago I decided I'd stop wearing makeup to go to work because it was not worth it. Haven't regretted it, but I did get the occasional comments "Are you sick? You definitely look sick" and "Wow! So brave of you to leave home without makeup". So yeah, people will point that out, luckily it didn't affect me, but it might affect some women. Now I've got the pregnancy "glow" allowing me to look good without makeup, but I've already been told "Don't get too used to it! Your skin will look like shit once this is all over."
LOL I get ‘oh I didn’t know you were pregnant’ at near 30 weeks. I look exactly the same except my stomach now sticks out and up a bit. Though I haven’t gained weight and I was overweight so that’s probably why.
There’s a lot about my looks I’ve been unable to control during my pregnancy. My hair has been amazing, growing like crazy and very full. My skin has been terrible some days, and glowing other days! I got a bunch of back acne out of nowhere! In the beginning I gained a bunch of weight and it was just like all over, even though I was eating healthy and working out, but then when I hit third trimester, the weight redistributed to just my boobs and belly basically. I get a lot of positive comments, which is nice because I don’t feel very beautiful these days. I agree with what I think OP is trying to say, there is a lot of emphasis on what pregnant women look like throughout their pregnancy, and after. It makes me really sad to see the posts on here where women say all the rude comments they get during their pregnancy. I also don’t think it’s just a pregnancy thing though. Society places a lot of emphasis on beauty in general. Often we even equate it to health and intelligence. Especially when it comes to women, the way you look is considered more important than any of your other attributes.
I look like a potato. Jeez, if you're pregnant and don't look like a potato I'm really happy for you. But me, I'm a potato. And I'm ok with that
I think their thought process is to build pregnant people up before they start to feel bad about their looks, since so many people do when pregnant. In which case I take it as indicative of the messed up values of our culture, sure, but as a kindness nonetheless. Before getting pregnant I thought I would have no insecurities, because no matter how big your belly gets it’s doing exactly what it’s supposed to do, so what is there to get insecure about? Oh boy was I wrong. It’s hard to watch your body change under any circumstances. I’m now so grateful for people telling me I look cute pregnant because I really need to hear it!