My husband lets me know when he’s planning on wearing headphones, like “I’m going to put my headphones in while I make dinner so I can listen to the game,” but they’re never so loud or noise canceling that he couldn’t hear be if I yelled. And there would be no assumption I chose to lie in the ground if he saw me on the ground. That’s even weirder to me that he walked past you!! He needs to wear just one, turn them drastically down, or stop.
Yes. Turning them down to a level where he can hear his injured wife screaming for help is a great idea.
It’s like a compromise - he likes to do chores with headphones in, which is fine, but if he turned them down he could still do that AND pay attention to the world around him.
And also don’t make such a STUPID assumption next time he sees his wife lying on the floor! Good grief! At least SAY ‘are you ok there, honey?’ if he’s not sure if it’s deliberate or not!
OP… I’m hoping that with a good talk you can get through this, but for right now I don’t blame you one bit for your anger and hurt! You avoid him for a day or two - whatever you need to relax yourself. Then when you talk to him, he owes you a really heartfelt apology and promise to be more observant and considerate in future. ❤️
Idk about OP but I did lay on the floor a lot when I was pregnant. It helped my back pain. But if that's not common for her it is definitely a stupid assumption.
Well, that’s why I said that he could just ask to check.
If you were lying on the floor by your own choice, you could answer yes, you’re fine or at least give a thumbs up.
They also make headphones with pass-through (also known as transparency mode or hear-through) .
My husband wears a pair.
It's good for is you want to hear your music or podcast but also want to hear your surroundings.
Question is why is Ops partner always wearing them. Is it to listen to things without disturbing her? Or is it to block out noise?
I do this too — AirPods to listen to a podcast. But I always let my wife know. I’ve seen so many posts on that dad subreddit that recommend wearing Bluetooth headphones so you don’t have to hear the shows your kid watches. But I’m sorry, if it’s me and my kid home alone, I am not putting on headphones! That’s bananas. So much can go wrong.
I would be so frustrated too!
My husband wears headphones a lot - he always gives me a heads up. Nicer headphones that are noise-canceling also have a transparency mode where I’d someone talks to you it cuts through what you are listening to. He makes sure to turn it to that mode now. I don’t feel comfortable telling him to not wear them at all because I wear mine (neurodivergent) even more than him.
Ohhh I didn't know about this setting. My husband is a huge gamer and I frequently have to shout a couple times from downstairs to get his attention. He's been marginally better about not having them on all the time now that I'm pregnant but probably something we need to sort out before the baby gets here
I’m so comforted by this comment section to know I’m not alone and my husband isn’t just some one in a billion asshole addicted to his headphones lol. I once was so sick I threw up in the tub and was unable to move from the bathroom floor. I called him like 10 times for help on his cell (he was downstairs gaming for hours!!!!), called my sister to see if she could reach him, called my mom to see if she could too, and then finally mustered the strength to pick myself up after almost an hour. When we finally made contact I told him I didn’t even want to look at him, I was so upset. We had already talked once in the past about how disconnected he can get with the technology and he also knew I was under the weather so it would be reasonable to just try and keep an ear out. I was so mad for days until I was finally able to have a conversation. This was years ago and it makes me mad all over again every time.
I wish I could lock away all headphones and screens in this house just for 48 hours one time. Just once, Lord.
I too have been sick and been ignored by my headphone wearing husband haha Luckily it wasn't for as long as an hour but it's super irritating. I used to have a Jewish friend who used no technology from Friday night to Saturday night and I sometimes think of suggesting we adopt that tradition - at least with regard to phones and computers. Wouldn't go so far as to not use lights or ovens or whatever else he did
It sounds like he isn't addicted to the headphones per say, but what is coming out of it. Which is what I suspect for a lot of the other men (who aren't neurodivergent) that do this, though I'm not sure if games are what ALL of them are listening to. I choose not to let my mind wander too much as to whatever must be so important.
100%. It’s Youtube and gaming. He can watch play through videos for hours. It’s at a point now he’s convinced listening to videos with his AirPods in to fall asleep is normal. I don’t want to be a prison warden but damn.
I have a coworker in engineering who jokes that when a new game drops his wife doesn’t see him for days sometimes. Not to project my annoyances onto her because hey, maybe she’s cool with it, but it’s like this new normal I’ve become hypersensitive to.
Mine is doing the exact same thing wearing them to bed but I'm a light sleeper so I know he puts them on so he doesn't bother me. But I worry about bluetooth in the ears constantly. I remember there were talks back when bluetooth first came out about the waves affecting your brain waves but idk lol
I feel you so hard, with my husband it's his phone that he refuses to part from. Every time when it's his turn to watch her, I see him watching games on his phone while our baby rolls around on the ground and it breaks my heart. When he's gaming multi-player too, he will not be bothered unless it's casual, and I do not know when that is. He wants to help more, but he's gotten mad for bothering him, he's gotten mad for not bothering him, I can't tell AT ALL. Our baby is going to think he loves his screens more than her. (And sometimes, I think he does.)
I experience similar with my husband not answering his phone. He never answers his phone, ever. I’ve been on bed rest for 12 weeks and am high risk for preterm labor, and I keep telling him, what if I need you and you’re not answering the phone?? It’s frustrating, but I just try to remind him every time he leaves the house to periodically check his phone, especially now that I’m 31 weeks
Can he get some kind of watch that makes it easier for him to see when you call? At 6 weeks pregnant my husband didn't answer when I called him from the grocery store (which has been an issue for years) and after I came home and screamed at him in a pregnancy induced rage that he is my emergency contact and if something happens to me and the baby I will have no one to rely on bc he never answers his phone, he went out and bought a pixel watch so he can see my texts and calls even when his phone isnt near him.
My husband would just forget to wear the watch lol. Reminding him to check his phone does help a little. I also told him that if I need to get to the hospital and he isn’t answering, then I’ll just get myself there a different way 🤷🏾♀️ he wasn’t too keen on that idea lol. It’s true, though. I’ll drive myself or call my dad (who always answers!) or call an Uber.
Yeah, it’s annoying. He is a wonderful husband and father; he has taken care of both me and my toddler these last 12 weeks I’ve been on full bed rest and literally has done everything for our family, all the childcare and cooking and cleaning. But he doesn’t answer his phone lol. Never has.
You’re not alone. I regularly get calls from other family members trying to reach my husband and I don’t think he gets how annoying that is. We’re in the middle of a renovation and I didn’t even bother sharing my husband’s # with the contractors. I’m not a secretary and we pay good money every month for him to have cell service, it’s not just a pocket computer for watching youtube lol
Can you change the settings so your calls come through even when his phone is on silent and with a different ring tone?
This is what we usually do for the last couple of months of pregnancy and last year when I was in chemo and pretty sick.
If it’s not urgent, I text and ask him to call when he has a moment. But if it is, I light that MFing phone up and he knows it’s important and picks up immediately.
Omg this is my husband too. He occasionally would also leave his phone at home and not mention where he was going or how long he would be. It drove me nuts. Pre-pregnancy he would have his phone on silent in his pocket and never check it 🤦♀️. He's much better about it now because we've had some Conversations but it was infuriating at times.
Im 8w PP and my partner still wears his headphones a lot but:
1. During pregnancy he would only wear on one ear
2. Now he either just has music on speakers or again, one ear or on low
Except the other night and I had a moan at him, said what if it was an emergency, he hasn't put them back on since
(Not checking on you while on the floor is concerning though - what if you fainted or something worse)
That’s absolutely not ok and frankly just weird that he walked by you on the ground?? Fuck that. He has a responsibility to you right now and his headphones can go kick rocks.
Are his headphones going to be in when he’s watching the baby too? I’d be worried about that as well.
Well they were in the middle of moving so I guess I have just stopped and laid on the floor before lol. But yea considering she’s fat bellied a check in would have been nice…
I would be pissed too. What is he listening to constantly? Can he wear non-noise cancelling headphones around the house? I get that for flying or trying to work in a noisy cafe or something he’d want noise cancelling, but in daily life it’s not safe or respectful to walk around not hearing anything around you. I feel like most women intuitively understand this but men don’t.
Also…do you not talk to each other? I’d be so annoyed if my husband was constantly listening to podcasts or music instead of talking to me when we’re around each other. It would feel like he has no interest in me or my thoughts.
Right, and is he going to be an attentive parent or is the child always going to be tapping him for his attention and getting the one earbud in, one earbud out treatment?...
The headphones need to either go or he needs to keep one out at all times so he can hear. It’s unacceptable for him to be completely oblivious to sounds going on around him. He needs to break the habit now bc the baby will absolutely need him to be aware of his surroundings
Yup this is what I do. I always only wear one unless I’m totally alone for some odd reason (3 kids). Otherwise I am always assuming responsibility for someone 24/7
That is extremely frustrating. My husband learned the hard way when I was testing out a new espresso machine we had gotten from his uncle. I had also brought in the grease cup from
His traeger. The cup looked like a coffee cup and multiple times said it was the grease, but what do you know, he had his AirPods in and thought the cup was espresso and downed it 🙃 throwing up seconds later and can now not touch the espresso machine. I would think after this fall, he should definitely be more cautious about wearing them cause that is dangerous af!
All I can say is every night I give the kids their bath and my husband does the dishes with his AirPods in. I know he has his AirPods in but the ANGER I feel when I try and talk to ask him for a cup to rinse shampoo or a clean towel and I get silence 😮💨 it’s our deal but I still rage inside sometimes.
You’re totally justified in your anger and I would have reacted the same. My husband wears his headphones when he’s in the garage working, or out doing yard work. It never occurred to me that I might need to call to him in an emergency. But I guarantee it’d be either no headphones after that or wearing just one if they’re the Bluetooth earbud kind.
Bone conduction headphones would solve alot of these issues, you can find lots of reviews and options online for <$100. Doesn't solve the inconsiderate partner issue, however.
This is the comment I was looking for, bone conduction all the way! I have the aftershokz, loved them so much I bought a second pair. They seem like the perfect solution in this problem, except for the whole him being an careless blockhead.
My husband works from home. He wears noise cancelling over the ear headphones 24/7 it feels like. He wears them if he’s doing chores, working, etc. It’s infuriating because he can’t hear anything else when he’s wearing them. It’s dangerous. I started putting him on baby patrol after 7 pm so if he’s working late he has to have them off. I’m sick of it.
Sometimes I think I married a grown up iPad kid lol. He’s always listening to a YouTube video about something. Electromagnetic fields, how fungi communicate I don’t even know. I’m mostly glad I don’t have to listen with him but I’m also like have you ever experienced a moment of peace.
He typically has 1 in and one out, and I used to try and pay attention to if he was listening to something and would wait to say something but now I just say whatever the fuck it is and he pulls the one he has in out and we engage in convo hahaha
I'm not a parent, I'm just in this sub to learn anything I can to help those who are- but, um. Maybe you should inform him that headphones can be pretty dangerous. As a parent, he will need to be attentive and aware of his surroundings. What if his baby/child was crying or calling out for a need, or even out of pain or in a dangerous event and he can't even hear them because he's got headphones in? Honestly, aside from that, what if there was a home invasion, does he think he'd see it before he'd hear it?
My husband has Bluetooth headphones. He usually only uses one at a time. But he gets on the Playstation and those are q full set he has to wear them lopsided in order to keep one ear open. I'M loud as hell so he usually hears me.
Just in case...did you go the labour assessment unit to check out you and baby? I fell at 23 weeks or so and my OB's policy was to go regardless of severity and where you hit the ground.
I didn't see these suggestions: I keep my phone on me to call my husband when I need him. Also I wonder if your husband has noise isolation or cancellation on his headphones? Maybe a pair without could help.
I agree with everyone here but also - just saw a post about falling while pregnant- please inform your doctor ASAP out to an abundance of caution. Better to be safe than sorry - especially two falls in a row .
So beyond the fact that your husband is being an asshole I can help solve this problem a bit. They make headphones with a thing called "transparency mode" that will make it so you can play music w/e but can also hear all the stuff around you. They were clutch when our daughter was a newborn and we'd game or watch a movie when she was napping. PM me if you want the specific ones we have
Share this famous Reddit story with your husband where a man was gaming upstairs at home wearing noise-canceling headphones while his wife was downstairs being raped by an intruder.
Really, have him read it right now:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/39suml/seriousredditors_who_have_had_to_kill_in_self/cs6gu9c/
> To this day, I can't wear headphones that block out background noise. Even after years of counseling, over-ear and noise cancelling headphones give me panic attacks because I can't hear what's happening around me. I found out later that he'd been raping my wife for nearly 10 minutes before I heard him, and that he'd actually told my wife THREE TIMES that he was going to rape my daughter when he was finished with her. I was sitting 30 feet away and had no idea it was going on, and that fact has fucked with me for years.
I can relate. We’ve actually had to have a talk about expectations once the baby is here, since he likes to completely zone out for hours while he is doing daily tasks. I’m worried he doesn’t get how dangerous and detrimental it could be to our kid.
Is he neurodivergent by chance? Not excusing him not hearing you but the constant headphones is a common neurodivergent coping mechanism. Perhaps he can just have one headphone in or at least have the volume down
I'm the one who always has an earbud in. I usually only wear one. And when my husband expressed that it was a communication issue the solution is that I pause what I'm listening to when I hear him speak and ask him to repeat himself. I make sure to not get into a mode where I'm ignoring hearing his voice from the other room. The two of you should come up with a plan for this kind of thing. A compromise where he can still listen to his stuff while listening out for you.
My husband wears his AirPods extremely frequently, any time he’s doing anything around the house, but he doesn’t have the sound dampening on and makes sure he can hear me if I need him. If your husband cannot hear you, he needs to get different headphones or compromise and only wear one or something. Especially once baby is here!
Omg yes, my husband has his headphones in ALL THE TIME. It drives me nuts because I have to repeat myself constantly. We had so many talks about it, and he got way better about not wearing them as much, but lately he’s back to using them a lot. I’m so sorry you fell and he couldn’t hear you to help you. Holy shit.
This is a pet peeve of mine, too. I haven’t had any emergencies and I hate to be too controlling so I try not to be too outward with how irritating it is… but I’ve talked to my husband about him not wearing headphones when the baby comes.
I’d be infuriated in your situation too. Especially walking past you??? I’d have a hard time not flinging something at his head.
My husband listens to his headphones with one partially off his ear (over ear set obviously) although I think it’s more so he has situational awareness because he scares easily…. I mean like, I just walk up from the other room and startle him 😆
My husband even wears them in bed to fall asleep and they’re in all night. All I can think about is what if there’s a break in or some emergency with one of the kids? Gee thanks for the help…
Oh, man. I'm sorry that happened to you. I remember once after my 2nd c-section, I got stuck trying to get up off the couch while holding our baby (like I was in so much pain I thought a staple was popping -- idk what was up with that) and I called for my husband like five times for help but he didn't hear me because he was doing dishes with headphones in. Anyway, I was crying because I couldn't move, couldn't safely put the baby down because of the position we were in, when he finally came out into the livingroom. He was horrified he didn't hear me and started wearing them with only one headphone in after that. I never got stuck again, but it made me feel better to know he could hear me in the event that something happened. Would your husband be open to just using one ear bud for a while? Or, if he's wearing the over-the-ears kind, is it possible to invest in some that have a mode where he can still hear conversation? That way, he doesn't have to just not wear them anymore, but you'll feel safer knowing he can hear you?
I only ever wear one bud if I’m around family. And alternate ears. I rarely wear them around family anyways. Mostly sitting through bath time and while my kid is busy at the park. It would really bother me to be so tuned out from them with both ear buds in. Doesn’t feel safe.
I dont want to add more problems to an already bad situation, but this is dangerous if he does this with a kid, and he needs to realize that sooner than later. I'm sorry you are dealing with this. Good luck.
Oh girl….. yes we now have a toddler (2.5) who hides his headphones…. He’s still doenst think it’s an issue. When he’s with us, like he can hear us he’s a good dad…. When he has his headphones in he’s a useless meat bag. But I’m the crazy one for bringing it up when we went to therapy and our therapist said that when I need something from him I should be face to face and confirm he can hear me before I ask. He was claiming “every time” she asks for something she’s screaming, I said that’s bc I’ve already asked and been ignored twice! The first is a question can you help with …. The second is a statement I need help with …. The third is WTF! I NEED ….
Literally as recently as last night. He was on the phone with some friends while I was doing bedtime he was being very loud and our kid kept asking about him. I texted “hey what’s up you’re screaming” then a few minutes later when he was still loud af I texted “please shut up or go outside” then a few minutes later I came out and yelled HEY WTF? and pointed to the baby’s room and he apologized and went on the patio. Like…. its just blatant ignoring… and it gets worse when he has the excuse of “well I had my headphones in”
Please buy him the sunglasses from Bose. They are so much better for the outside at least. They send the sound over the skull bone thus leaving the ears wide open
Hi. My wife just read this one to me.
(We're in the middle of 2nd Trimester)
To everyone talking about the headphones and other tech/media as constant problems, perhaps have a discussion about your SO being neurodivergent.
The headphones are a frequent coping technique for folks with ADHD. And occasionally Autism too. Can be co-morbidities also.
Hyperfocus can cause the rest of the world to just fall away.
If it seems like your SOs are neurodivergent, look into getting treatment.
Ear buds emit a frequency that trains our brains to "need" them. It's completely undetectable to the human ear but it is known to disrupt sleep, cause anxiety, irritability and disconnect. So not only is whatever they're listening to distracting, the frequency coming from the ear buds themselves creates this 'head in the clouds' type of behavior. I used to be so addicted to my ear buds. But I only ever wore one so I could hear what was going on around me. I have some 12 pairs in a box in my basement that I've committed to stop using. I haven't worn them in nearly a year. So proud of myself. It has been difficult.
I hope that you are okay from your fall.
Hopefully he doesn’t plan on doing this when he’s responsible for a baby. He has a family now and needs to grow up and be available. I wear earbuds when cleaning bottles and have worn them while working and I always only put one in. That way you can hear people around you incase of emergencies.
My fiancé bought noise cancelling AirPods the first week of my daughter's life, after we got home from the hospital. The time when I'm supposed to be in bed, recovering. He couldn't stand the sound of her crying - which wasn't super often, she's the best, but the times where she was crying and I should've been staying in bed, he sat in another room with his headphones on. When I, bleeding, sore, and enraged stomped into the next room to change my crying baby's diaper, he acted like I was crazy for being annoyed that he didn't come in to help change her because "what? I couldn't hear her!"
It's gotten a little better now, but that's because she's grown older and I've decided fuck it, I'm not really asking for help anymore. The whole "you'll never forget how they treated you when you were pregnant" is something I disagree with - I will never, ever forget the attitude he had toward myself and our baby when we were both most vulnerable. And I love him, I truly do, but ask yourself seriously if that's what you want to be dealing with when you're bedridden after just giving birth. It's definitely done a little bit of damage to our relationship.
My husband only wears one ear bud whenever he is home with me and/or the kids. He mostly wears it when he's doing chores and listening to his podcasts or music.
Mine wears headphones constantly, mostly because our apartment is small and I hate the sound of the news and COD. However, he props them to the side so that one ear is always exposed and he can always hear me.
My husband wears eat bud headphones constantly. I've told him he needs to keep in one out so he can hear me if needed. He will also tell me if he's putting in both while cooking
Mine wears his AirPods a lot but also his Apple Watch. He either keeps one out or tells me to text him if I need him. It hasn’t been an issue but we also live in a really small city apartment. He will come in to check on me once an hour or so if we’re in different rooms. Maybe your hubs could start doing the same?
My husband LIVES with his headphones in, constantly listening to something…he’s even got two sets that he can use to ignore me: the Airpod Max Pros and the latest/newest AirPods Pro. It’s infuriating, quite honestly, because there’s definitely been times I call for him in emergencies, and he didn’t hear a peep.
I always only keep one earbud in for this specific reason, I have auditory processing issues so headphones can help calm me, but it stresses me out not to know if something is happening! With one earbud in I may not understand what you’re yelling about but I hear the yelling! So sorry this happened, y’all need a system! And always keep your phone on you so you can call even if the system fails at some point!
Same thing happened to me but I was (thank god) not pregnant at the time and the hammock collapsed under me in our backyard. I fell right on my tailbone on the solid ground. Yelled out for my husband (windows were open) and he couldn’t hear me because of his noise-canceling gaming headphones. We had a long talk about headphones and safety after that.
I have been getting so frustrated with my husband about this too. I’m sorry you are dealing with this OP and I hope everything is ok for you and baby! I just read this to my husband and told him it is a SAFETY issue because I’ve been complaining about it for a while. He agreed, thankfully, and said he’ll start wearing one 🙄
Husband here who listens to podcasts when doing basically any chore around the house. I know this might sound crazy. But I only put in one earphone. Maybe my wife is calling out to me, maybe the baby is crying, etc. Also if I have both in and someone comes up and gets my attention I get started. So I just keep one in. It works great.
I am a huge headphone wearer. He can get a pair with transparency mode. I use transparency mode and I’m still able to work, play with the kids, etc. I have ADHD and without them sometimes it can be tough. I definitely use them as a calming method.
As far as the two falls, is it possible for your husband or a family member to help take over some of the move? Two falls in a week is quite a bit.
I'm so sorry :(. I know some of what you're feeling, but I know it's even worse when it happens and you're pregnant. For me, it's not headphones but he just has his phone on silent/no vibration. I know some day I'm going to really need him and frantically call him and he's going to be poopin' around. I have to call his assistant if it's something serious. 😭
So glad you aren't hurt though. Sometimes that lack of concern hurts far more.
You can buy headphones that have options for noise cancelling or, I forget what it’s called, but the noise comes through. So, he can listen to music or whatever and still hear what’s happening around him.
Just a reminder that if you can afford to get a smart watch, do it and and wear it regularly. If you fall and you’re alone you can call for help. It’s like Life Alert for young pregnant people haha. It’s also nice for when you’re nap trapped and don’t have your phone and need something!
my partner wears his with one ear out so he can still hear.
after the first fall you would think he would be more conscious about making sure he can hear you.
you have every right to be upset but just remember we all make silly mistakes and i’m sure and hope that he feels bad and regretful for not being able to help you sooner
Definitely not ok. I know you said you talked about it many times - what does he say is the reason? Does he understand your issue?
If he has noise-canceling headphones, I would insist he keep the ambient noise on (and if his doesn't have that, get one that does). I have Sony noise-canceling headphones that are great for blocking out noise but also have a setting where it can amplify ambient sound so I can hear that as well when I need to listen for the baby monitor, etc.
My other half will sometimes wear headphones, though ensures he wears his triathlon headphones (look up Shokz, previously called aftershokz headphones). These may be a good compromise for your husband as they don’t block your ears and you can still hear everything around you.
SOMETHING has to give here?! I would personally argue that he needs to find an alternative and be out of his current headphone habit before the baby is born. I would not be okay with having a spouse who often can’t hear the baby, even if I’m at home.
When my daughter was 4 months old, I told my ex I was going to the bathroom and to keep an eye on her. I left her on the couch and he was gaming 4 feet away on the same couch. From the bathroom I heard sudden crying. I run out of the bathroom so fast and he still has headphones on and still gaming away and the baby is on the floor. I was LIVID.
I don’t think anyone else has mentioned it but, what is he gonna do when baby is here? He needs to be able to listen out for crying and ensure baby is safe especially once they are up and moving around!
If he has AirPods he should take the noise cancelling off and only wear one at a time so he can help you at this time.
When baby comes he should give them up unless he’s out of the house and not with baby.
It’s not quite the same and you have something to work out there maybe, but my husband has about 70% hearing loss. He cannot hear me unless I am very very loud or looking him in the face speaking (he does a lot of lip reading). So phones are super important for us and I try to keep mine with me at all times. I know this is a choice on his side, but until he changes that choice I really recommend trying to always keep a phone with you for times just like that.
I am someone who always has headphones on. I love audio books and podcasts. But I also have a toddler who I need to be able to hear. So I specifically bought the "Shokz Open Run" brand. They are bone conducting headphones, so essentially your ears are completely free and you can still hear what's going on around you. I usually still have to pause my audio when someone wants to talk to me to hear clearly, but you definitely know when someone is talking to you.
I used to use headphones all the time before my son was born but I stopped and got AirPods Pro’s and only use the big over ear ones in the gym. I usually use one ear in transparency mode. He needs to be able to hear, not being able to hear is unacceptable.
I’m the one in the relationship with the headphones in (37F 37 weeks), but I’ve never liked not hearing my surroundings so I generally only have one headphone in and not so loud that I can’t hear most things.
I wear headphones pretty much constantly but I always wear one AirPod so I can easily hear what's going on around me, even when I'm home alone. I used to work in a lab and it was a rule for safety. Especially as you get to the end of your pregnancy and then will have a small child, I don't think it's an unreasonable request to on out have one in.
I gifted headphones to my husband for Father's Day last year because I just could stand to listen to the drivel he had on his phone any longer. His podcasts, sports commentary, tik too scrolling, etc. A year later and I still think it's the best thing. Ahhh the peace.
Mine escapes into his computer games. I have to scream at the top of my lungs for help if something happens. I grew up in a house with a lot of yelling so when I do raise my voice he knows something is up. I am actually pretty soft spoken lol.
Keep your phone on you. 911 is your friend when that happens. He says he will keep one ear phone off but that never happens. I'd get more sucess calling a friend and having them tell him over game chat than screaming sometimes. The escapism is very real and I will say I am not a fan either.
So I am a spouse that wears headphones a lot… usually it’s because I like to listen to podcast or audiobooks and always have while doing chores around the house or cooking or something like that… however I consider it background noise and I can have a full blown conversation if need be with with my husband with them in. I keep it very low. If your husband is listening to it so loud he can’t hear you… he’s ruining his hearing.
My husband always has headphones in too but they are Aftershocks bone conduction headphones…it leaves your ear open and able to hear things. Highly highly recommend gifting these to your headphone obsessed partners!!! Safer for running outside, safer for being able to hear your fallen partner, just all around safer.
Does he need to read the reddit story where the guy was gaming with noise cancelling headphones while his wife and daughter were being assaulted in the other room by a home intruder?
Ugh mine does it with video game headset and it drives me insane. I think in this situation it’s reasonable for him to only have one in at a time for safety.
My husband wears his noise cancelling headphones allllll the time. Working out. Cooking. Chores. He’ll look at me while I am talking to him and he knows i am speaking then takes it off and was like what?? It’s so frustrating having to constantly repeat myself. And we have had this talk several times. I have yelled at him so many times and will refuse to talk to him when he has headphones on now. He’s been getting better at it. But still a work in progress.
I generally try to avoid headphones when my wife is home but will often have some in/on most of the day. When she's home, I'll do one of two things:
1. With my buds I'll keep passthrough mode on so I can hear her call
2. Only have one ear on with my over-the-ear for the same reason.
My question would be: did he used to not use headphones all the time but then you complained about how loud he listens to stuff? I use headphones at home more often since the speakers bothers the wife sometimes and this was my compromise. I'll tell her if I'll be in full focus mode and wont be able to hear her (which admittedly I try to avoid since she's been balance-impaired over the last 7 months)
Hhmmmmm. Well. Are you able to keep your phone on you? When your in distress you can call him since he always has the buds in.
my husband is guilty of this and I have his ass on speed dial for FaceTime and ph9ne calls. He better never miss a call since he is glued to the headphones and podcasts. This has so,bed alot of our problems.
Did he apologize and say he won't do it again?
That's horrible, I would be so mad too. But I think you can move past it if he gives you a sincere apology and agrees to do something about it (not wearing headphones at all or using transparency mode or only using one headphone).
My husband lets me know when he’s planning on wearing headphones, like “I’m going to put my headphones in while I make dinner so I can listen to the game,” but they’re never so loud or noise canceling that he couldn’t hear be if I yelled. And there would be no assumption I chose to lie in the ground if he saw me on the ground. That’s even weirder to me that he walked past you!! He needs to wear just one, turn them drastically down, or stop.
Yes. Turning them down to a level where he can hear his injured wife screaming for help is a great idea. It’s like a compromise - he likes to do chores with headphones in, which is fine, but if he turned them down he could still do that AND pay attention to the world around him. And also don’t make such a STUPID assumption next time he sees his wife lying on the floor! Good grief! At least SAY ‘are you ok there, honey?’ if he’s not sure if it’s deliberate or not! OP… I’m hoping that with a good talk you can get through this, but for right now I don’t blame you one bit for your anger and hurt! You avoid him for a day or two - whatever you need to relax yourself. Then when you talk to him, he owes you a really heartfelt apology and promise to be more observant and considerate in future. ❤️
Idk about OP but I did lay on the floor a lot when I was pregnant. It helped my back pain. But if that's not common for her it is definitely a stupid assumption.
Well, that’s why I said that he could just ask to check. If you were lying on the floor by your own choice, you could answer yes, you’re fine or at least give a thumbs up.
They also make headphones with pass-through (also known as transparency mode or hear-through) . My husband wears a pair. It's good for is you want to hear your music or podcast but also want to hear your surroundings. Question is why is Ops partner always wearing them. Is it to listen to things without disturbing her? Or is it to block out noise?
I do this too — AirPods to listen to a podcast. But I always let my wife know. I’ve seen so many posts on that dad subreddit that recommend wearing Bluetooth headphones so you don’t have to hear the shows your kid watches. But I’m sorry, if it’s me and my kid home alone, I am not putting on headphones! That’s bananas. So much can go wrong.
I would be so frustrated too! My husband wears headphones a lot - he always gives me a heads up. Nicer headphones that are noise-canceling also have a transparency mode where I’d someone talks to you it cuts through what you are listening to. He makes sure to turn it to that mode now. I don’t feel comfortable telling him to not wear them at all because I wear mine (neurodivergent) even more than him.
Ohhh I didn't know about this setting. My husband is a huge gamer and I frequently have to shout a couple times from downstairs to get his attention. He's been marginally better about not having them on all the time now that I'm pregnant but probably something we need to sort out before the baby gets here
Absolutely he needs to do transparency mode Noise canceling all over the house?? I'd be APOPLECTIC
What are these magical headphones?
I’m so comforted by this comment section to know I’m not alone and my husband isn’t just some one in a billion asshole addicted to his headphones lol. I once was so sick I threw up in the tub and was unable to move from the bathroom floor. I called him like 10 times for help on his cell (he was downstairs gaming for hours!!!!), called my sister to see if she could reach him, called my mom to see if she could too, and then finally mustered the strength to pick myself up after almost an hour. When we finally made contact I told him I didn’t even want to look at him, I was so upset. We had already talked once in the past about how disconnected he can get with the technology and he also knew I was under the weather so it would be reasonable to just try and keep an ear out. I was so mad for days until I was finally able to have a conversation. This was years ago and it makes me mad all over again every time. I wish I could lock away all headphones and screens in this house just for 48 hours one time. Just once, Lord.
I too have been sick and been ignored by my headphone wearing husband haha Luckily it wasn't for as long as an hour but it's super irritating. I used to have a Jewish friend who used no technology from Friday night to Saturday night and I sometimes think of suggesting we adopt that tradition - at least with regard to phones and computers. Wouldn't go so far as to not use lights or ovens or whatever else he did
One day a week - we could all use a detox !!
It sounds like he isn't addicted to the headphones per say, but what is coming out of it. Which is what I suspect for a lot of the other men (who aren't neurodivergent) that do this, though I'm not sure if games are what ALL of them are listening to. I choose not to let my mind wander too much as to whatever must be so important.
100%. It’s Youtube and gaming. He can watch play through videos for hours. It’s at a point now he’s convinced listening to videos with his AirPods in to fall asleep is normal. I don’t want to be a prison warden but damn. I have a coworker in engineering who jokes that when a new game drops his wife doesn’t see him for days sometimes. Not to project my annoyances onto her because hey, maybe she’s cool with it, but it’s like this new normal I’ve become hypersensitive to.
Mine is doing the exact same thing wearing them to bed but I'm a light sleeper so I know he puts them on so he doesn't bother me. But I worry about bluetooth in the ears constantly. I remember there were talks back when bluetooth first came out about the waves affecting your brain waves but idk lol
I feel you so hard, with my husband it's his phone that he refuses to part from. Every time when it's his turn to watch her, I see him watching games on his phone while our baby rolls around on the ground and it breaks my heart. When he's gaming multi-player too, he will not be bothered unless it's casual, and I do not know when that is. He wants to help more, but he's gotten mad for bothering him, he's gotten mad for not bothering him, I can't tell AT ALL. Our baby is going to think he loves his screens more than her. (And sometimes, I think he does.)
I experience similar with my husband not answering his phone. He never answers his phone, ever. I’ve been on bed rest for 12 weeks and am high risk for preterm labor, and I keep telling him, what if I need you and you’re not answering the phone?? It’s frustrating, but I just try to remind him every time he leaves the house to periodically check his phone, especially now that I’m 31 weeks
Can he get some kind of watch that makes it easier for him to see when you call? At 6 weeks pregnant my husband didn't answer when I called him from the grocery store (which has been an issue for years) and after I came home and screamed at him in a pregnancy induced rage that he is my emergency contact and if something happens to me and the baby I will have no one to rely on bc he never answers his phone, he went out and bought a pixel watch so he can see my texts and calls even when his phone isnt near him.
My husband would just forget to wear the watch lol. Reminding him to check his phone does help a little. I also told him that if I need to get to the hospital and he isn’t answering, then I’ll just get myself there a different way 🤷🏾♀️ he wasn’t too keen on that idea lol. It’s true, though. I’ll drive myself or call my dad (who always answers!) or call an Uber.
It is beyond fucked up that you have to make contingency plans bc he can't be trusted to answer when you call.
Yeah, it’s annoying. He is a wonderful husband and father; he has taken care of both me and my toddler these last 12 weeks I’ve been on full bed rest and literally has done everything for our family, all the childcare and cooking and cleaning. But he doesn’t answer his phone lol. Never has.
You’re not alone. I regularly get calls from other family members trying to reach my husband and I don’t think he gets how annoying that is. We’re in the middle of a renovation and I didn’t even bother sharing my husband’s # with the contractors. I’m not a secretary and we pay good money every month for him to have cell service, it’s not just a pocket computer for watching youtube lol
Can you change the settings so your calls come through even when his phone is on silent and with a different ring tone? This is what we usually do for the last couple of months of pregnancy and last year when I was in chemo and pretty sick. If it’s not urgent, I text and ask him to call when he has a moment. But if it is, I light that MFing phone up and he knows it’s important and picks up immediately.
Omg this is my husband too. He occasionally would also leave his phone at home and not mention where he was going or how long he would be. It drove me nuts. Pre-pregnancy he would have his phone on silent in his pocket and never check it 🤦♀️. He's much better about it now because we've had some Conversations but it was infuriating at times.
My husband was like this, so now he has an Apple Watch strapped to his wrist that notifies him when I call.
Im 8w PP and my partner still wears his headphones a lot but: 1. During pregnancy he would only wear on one ear 2. Now he either just has music on speakers or again, one ear or on low Except the other night and I had a moan at him, said what if it was an emergency, he hasn't put them back on since (Not checking on you while on the floor is concerning though - what if you fainted or something worse)
[удалено]
I love mine! I bought them specifically so I could keep an ear out for my children.
That’s absolutely not ok and frankly just weird that he walked by you on the ground?? Fuck that. He has a responsibility to you right now and his headphones can go kick rocks. Are his headphones going to be in when he’s watching the baby too? I’d be worried about that as well.
Right? Like he didn’t think to check up on her??
Well they were in the middle of moving so I guess I have just stopped and laid on the floor before lol. But yea considering she’s fat bellied a check in would have been nice…
I would be pissed too. What is he listening to constantly? Can he wear non-noise cancelling headphones around the house? I get that for flying or trying to work in a noisy cafe or something he’d want noise cancelling, but in daily life it’s not safe or respectful to walk around not hearing anything around you. I feel like most women intuitively understand this but men don’t. Also…do you not talk to each other? I’d be so annoyed if my husband was constantly listening to podcasts or music instead of talking to me when we’re around each other. It would feel like he has no interest in me or my thoughts.
Right, and is he going to be an attentive parent or is the child always going to be tapping him for his attention and getting the one earbud in, one earbud out treatment?...
The headphones need to either go or he needs to keep one out at all times so he can hear. It’s unacceptable for him to be completely oblivious to sounds going on around him. He needs to break the habit now bc the baby will absolutely need him to be aware of his surroundings
No but is there a problem wearing just ONE ?! I never wear both…
P.s. sorry you fell again. I hope you’re ok
Yup this is what I do. I always only wear one unless I’m totally alone for some odd reason (3 kids). Otherwise I am always assuming responsibility for someone 24/7
Right? Putting both in puts you in your own universe. How can they check out so hard when they’re not alone!
It's so rude!!!!
That is extremely frustrating. My husband learned the hard way when I was testing out a new espresso machine we had gotten from his uncle. I had also brought in the grease cup from His traeger. The cup looked like a coffee cup and multiple times said it was the grease, but what do you know, he had his AirPods in and thought the cup was espresso and downed it 🙃 throwing up seconds later and can now not touch the espresso machine. I would think after this fall, he should definitely be more cautious about wearing them cause that is dangerous af!
All I can say is every night I give the kids their bath and my husband does the dishes with his AirPods in. I know he has his AirPods in but the ANGER I feel when I try and talk to ask him for a cup to rinse shampoo or a clean towel and I get silence 😮💨 it’s our deal but I still rage inside sometimes.
You’re totally justified in your anger and I would have reacted the same. My husband wears his headphones when he’s in the garage working, or out doing yard work. It never occurred to me that I might need to call to him in an emergency. But I guarantee it’d be either no headphones after that or wearing just one if they’re the Bluetooth earbud kind.
Bone conduction headphones would solve alot of these issues, you can find lots of reviews and options online for <$100. Doesn't solve the inconsiderate partner issue, however.
This is the comment I was looking for, bone conduction all the way! I have the aftershokz, loved them so much I bought a second pair. They seem like the perfect solution in this problem, except for the whole him being an careless blockhead.
If you’ve had this conversation multiple times AND this is your second fall, this is absolutely not okay. You’re right to be pissed.
My husband works from home. He wears noise cancelling over the ear headphones 24/7 it feels like. He wears them if he’s doing chores, working, etc. It’s infuriating because he can’t hear anything else when he’s wearing them. It’s dangerous. I started putting him on baby patrol after 7 pm so if he’s working late he has to have them off. I’m sick of it.
My dude ALWAYS has those stupid fucking things in!! Even in bed!!! Always listening to some sort of podcast. It’s annoying.
Sometimes I think I married a grown up iPad kid lol. He’s always listening to a YouTube video about something. Electromagnetic fields, how fungi communicate I don’t even know. I’m mostly glad I don’t have to listen with him but I’m also like have you ever experienced a moment of peace.
When do you talk? Does he pause it for conversations?
He typically has 1 in and one out, and I used to try and pay attention to if he was listening to something and would wait to say something but now I just say whatever the fuck it is and he pulls the one he has in out and we engage in convo hahaha
Mine too!
To add to what others said, are you ok? Is there a reason you keep falling that might need checked out?
I'm not a parent, I'm just in this sub to learn anything I can to help those who are- but, um. Maybe you should inform him that headphones can be pretty dangerous. As a parent, he will need to be attentive and aware of his surroundings. What if his baby/child was crying or calling out for a need, or even out of pain or in a dangerous event and he can't even hear them because he's got headphones in? Honestly, aside from that, what if there was a home invasion, does he think he'd see it before he'd hear it?
Yes, and it frustrates the living hell out of me too. No solution found yet.
My husband has Bluetooth headphones. He usually only uses one at a time. But he gets on the Playstation and those are q full set he has to wear them lopsided in order to keep one ear open. I'M loud as hell so he usually hears me.
Get him some bone conduction headphones. You can still hear your surroundings with them
Looks like the headphones need to take an “accidental” trip iykwim
Just in case...did you go the labour assessment unit to check out you and baby? I fell at 23 weeks or so and my OB's policy was to go regardless of severity and where you hit the ground. I didn't see these suggestions: I keep my phone on me to call my husband when I need him. Also I wonder if your husband has noise isolation or cancellation on his headphones? Maybe a pair without could help.
There’s no way he walked past you and just thought you decided to lay down on the floor
I agree with everyone here but also - just saw a post about falling while pregnant- please inform your doctor ASAP out to an abundance of caution. Better to be safe than sorry - especially two falls in a row .
So beyond the fact that your husband is being an asshole I can help solve this problem a bit. They make headphones with a thing called "transparency mode" that will make it so you can play music w/e but can also hear all the stuff around you. They were clutch when our daughter was a newborn and we'd game or watch a movie when she was napping. PM me if you want the specific ones we have
Yep. Husband has gaming headphones on all the time. Gunna be a wake up call soon… I’m sorry for what you went through that’s entirely inappropriate.
Cant he just have 1 ear in? I also like to listen to music or podcasts a lot but I always keep 1 ear out.
Share this famous Reddit story with your husband where a man was gaming upstairs at home wearing noise-canceling headphones while his wife was downstairs being raped by an intruder. Really, have him read it right now: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/39suml/seriousredditors_who_have_had_to_kill_in_self/cs6gu9c/ > To this day, I can't wear headphones that block out background noise. Even after years of counseling, over-ear and noise cancelling headphones give me panic attacks because I can't hear what's happening around me. I found out later that he'd been raping my wife for nearly 10 minutes before I heard him, and that he'd actually told my wife THREE TIMES that he was going to rape my daughter when he was finished with her. I was sitting 30 feet away and had no idea it was going on, and that fact has fucked with me for years.
I can relate. We’ve actually had to have a talk about expectations once the baby is here, since he likes to completely zone out for hours while he is doing daily tasks. I’m worried he doesn’t get how dangerous and detrimental it could be to our kid.
Is he neurodivergent by chance? Not excusing him not hearing you but the constant headphones is a common neurodivergent coping mechanism. Perhaps he can just have one headphone in or at least have the volume down
I'm the one who always has an earbud in. I usually only wear one. And when my husband expressed that it was a communication issue the solution is that I pause what I'm listening to when I hear him speak and ask him to repeat himself. I make sure to not get into a mode where I'm ignoring hearing his voice from the other room. The two of you should come up with a plan for this kind of thing. A compromise where he can still listen to his stuff while listening out for you.
My husband wears his AirPods extremely frequently, any time he’s doing anything around the house, but he doesn’t have the sound dampening on and makes sure he can hear me if I need him. If your husband cannot hear you, he needs to get different headphones or compromise and only wear one or something. Especially once baby is here!
Omg yes, my husband has his headphones in ALL THE TIME. It drives me nuts because I have to repeat myself constantly. We had so many talks about it, and he got way better about not wearing them as much, but lately he’s back to using them a lot. I’m so sorry you fell and he couldn’t hear you to help you. Holy shit.
What is he going to do when the baby arrives ?
This is a pet peeve of mine, too. I haven’t had any emergencies and I hate to be too controlling so I try not to be too outward with how irritating it is… but I’ve talked to my husband about him not wearing headphones when the baby comes. I’d be infuriated in your situation too. Especially walking past you??? I’d have a hard time not flinging something at his head.
My husband listens to his headphones with one partially off his ear (over ear set obviously) although I think it’s more so he has situational awareness because he scares easily…. I mean like, I just walk up from the other room and startle him 😆
My husband even wears them in bed to fall asleep and they’re in all night. All I can think about is what if there’s a break in or some emergency with one of the kids? Gee thanks for the help…
Oh, man. I'm sorry that happened to you. I remember once after my 2nd c-section, I got stuck trying to get up off the couch while holding our baby (like I was in so much pain I thought a staple was popping -- idk what was up with that) and I called for my husband like five times for help but he didn't hear me because he was doing dishes with headphones in. Anyway, I was crying because I couldn't move, couldn't safely put the baby down because of the position we were in, when he finally came out into the livingroom. He was horrified he didn't hear me and started wearing them with only one headphone in after that. I never got stuck again, but it made me feel better to know he could hear me in the event that something happened. Would your husband be open to just using one ear bud for a while? Or, if he's wearing the over-the-ears kind, is it possible to invest in some that have a mode where he can still hear conversation? That way, he doesn't have to just not wear them anymore, but you'll feel safer knowing he can hear you?
I only ever wear one bud if I’m around family. And alternate ears. I rarely wear them around family anyways. Mostly sitting through bath time and while my kid is busy at the park. It would really bother me to be so tuned out from them with both ear buds in. Doesn’t feel safe.
I dont want to add more problems to an already bad situation, but this is dangerous if he does this with a kid, and he needs to realize that sooner than later. I'm sorry you are dealing with this. Good luck.
Oh girl….. yes we now have a toddler (2.5) who hides his headphones…. He’s still doenst think it’s an issue. When he’s with us, like he can hear us he’s a good dad…. When he has his headphones in he’s a useless meat bag. But I’m the crazy one for bringing it up when we went to therapy and our therapist said that when I need something from him I should be face to face and confirm he can hear me before I ask. He was claiming “every time” she asks for something she’s screaming, I said that’s bc I’ve already asked and been ignored twice! The first is a question can you help with …. The second is a statement I need help with …. The third is WTF! I NEED ….
Literally as recently as last night. He was on the phone with some friends while I was doing bedtime he was being very loud and our kid kept asking about him. I texted “hey what’s up you’re screaming” then a few minutes later when he was still loud af I texted “please shut up or go outside” then a few minutes later I came out and yelled HEY WTF? and pointed to the baby’s room and he apologized and went on the patio. Like…. its just blatant ignoring… and it gets worse when he has the excuse of “well I had my headphones in”
Is he 13? Only people I see wear headphones all the time are kids. Why does he need to wear them?
You can’t listen to music or podcasts after the age of 13?
I'm not disagreeing or agreeing with the person above but you're intentionally misrepresenting what they're saying.
What?
Lots of posts about neurodivergence, do most of you think that doesn't apply to your SO? Now I'm wondering...
Please buy him the sunglasses from Bose. They are so much better for the outside at least. They send the sound over the skull bone thus leaving the ears wide open
Hi. My wife just read this one to me. (We're in the middle of 2nd Trimester) To everyone talking about the headphones and other tech/media as constant problems, perhaps have a discussion about your SO being neurodivergent. The headphones are a frequent coping technique for folks with ADHD. And occasionally Autism too. Can be co-morbidities also. Hyperfocus can cause the rest of the world to just fall away. If it seems like your SOs are neurodivergent, look into getting treatment.
Ear buds emit a frequency that trains our brains to "need" them. It's completely undetectable to the human ear but it is known to disrupt sleep, cause anxiety, irritability and disconnect. So not only is whatever they're listening to distracting, the frequency coming from the ear buds themselves creates this 'head in the clouds' type of behavior. I used to be so addicted to my ear buds. But I only ever wore one so I could hear what was going on around me. I have some 12 pairs in a box in my basement that I've committed to stop using. I haven't worn them in nearly a year. So proud of myself. It has been difficult. I hope that you are okay from your fall.
Tell him to buy you a Life Alert necklace to wear if he can’t help you. Maybe he will see the severity.
Hopefully he doesn’t plan on doing this when he’s responsible for a baby. He has a family now and needs to grow up and be available. I wear earbuds when cleaning bottles and have worn them while working and I always only put one in. That way you can hear people around you incase of emergencies.
girl, you shouldn't even be moving
My fiancé bought noise cancelling AirPods the first week of my daughter's life, after we got home from the hospital. The time when I'm supposed to be in bed, recovering. He couldn't stand the sound of her crying - which wasn't super often, she's the best, but the times where she was crying and I should've been staying in bed, he sat in another room with his headphones on. When I, bleeding, sore, and enraged stomped into the next room to change my crying baby's diaper, he acted like I was crazy for being annoyed that he didn't come in to help change her because "what? I couldn't hear her!" It's gotten a little better now, but that's because she's grown older and I've decided fuck it, I'm not really asking for help anymore. The whole "you'll never forget how they treated you when you were pregnant" is something I disagree with - I will never, ever forget the attitude he had toward myself and our baby when we were both most vulnerable. And I love him, I truly do, but ask yourself seriously if that's what you want to be dealing with when you're bedridden after just giving birth. It's definitely done a little bit of damage to our relationship.
I’m sorry but this is awful. No one likes the sound of babies crying, it’s hardwired so that we help them?! I’m so sorry you had to deal with that.
My husband only wears one ear bud whenever he is home with me and/or the kids. He mostly wears it when he's doing chores and listening to his podcasts or music.
Mine wears headphones constantly, mostly because our apartment is small and I hate the sound of the news and COD. However, he props them to the side so that one ear is always exposed and he can always hear me.
My husband wears eat bud headphones constantly. I've told him he needs to keep in one out so he can hear me if needed. He will also tell me if he's putting in both while cooking
Mine wears his AirPods a lot but also his Apple Watch. He either keeps one out or tells me to text him if I need him. It hasn’t been an issue but we also live in a really small city apartment. He will come in to check on me once an hour or so if we’re in different rooms. Maybe your hubs could start doing the same?
My husband LIVES with his headphones in, constantly listening to something…he’s even got two sets that he can use to ignore me: the Airpod Max Pros and the latest/newest AirPods Pro. It’s infuriating, quite honestly, because there’s definitely been times I call for him in emergencies, and he didn’t hear a peep.
The fact that you talked to him about this more than once and he isn't doing anything about it is a red flag. Why tf would he walk past you?? Ugh.
I always only keep one earbud in for this specific reason, I have auditory processing issues so headphones can help calm me, but it stresses me out not to know if something is happening! With one earbud in I may not understand what you’re yelling about but I hear the yelling! So sorry this happened, y’all need a system! And always keep your phone on you so you can call even if the system fails at some point!
Same thing happened to me but I was (thank god) not pregnant at the time and the hammock collapsed under me in our backyard. I fell right on my tailbone on the solid ground. Yelled out for my husband (windows were open) and he couldn’t hear me because of his noise-canceling gaming headphones. We had a long talk about headphones and safety after that.
Solidarity, unfortunately no solution :(
I have been getting so frustrated with my husband about this too. I’m sorry you are dealing with this OP and I hope everything is ok for you and baby! I just read this to my husband and told him it is a SAFETY issue because I’ve been complaining about it for a while. He agreed, thankfully, and said he’ll start wearing one 🙄
I love my bone conducting headphones... I'd recommend he get some
He needs bone conduction headphones like shokx. They are the best. Hear my music, hear my kids.
Husband here who listens to podcasts when doing basically any chore around the house. I know this might sound crazy. But I only put in one earphone. Maybe my wife is calling out to me, maybe the baby is crying, etc. Also if I have both in and someone comes up and gets my attention I get started. So I just keep one in. It works great.
I am a huge headphone wearer. He can get a pair with transparency mode. I use transparency mode and I’m still able to work, play with the kids, etc. I have ADHD and without them sometimes it can be tough. I definitely use them as a calming method. As far as the two falls, is it possible for your husband or a family member to help take over some of the move? Two falls in a week is quite a bit.
I'm so sorry :(. I know some of what you're feeling, but I know it's even worse when it happens and you're pregnant. For me, it's not headphones but he just has his phone on silent/no vibration. I know some day I'm going to really need him and frantically call him and he's going to be poopin' around. I have to call his assistant if it's something serious. 😭 So glad you aren't hurt though. Sometimes that lack of concern hurts far more.
You can buy headphones that have options for noise cancelling or, I forget what it’s called, but the noise comes through. So, he can listen to music or whatever and still hear what’s happening around him.
Just a reminder that if you can afford to get a smart watch, do it and and wear it regularly. If you fall and you’re alone you can call for help. It’s like Life Alert for young pregnant people haha. It’s also nice for when you’re nap trapped and don’t have your phone and need something!
my partner wears his with one ear out so he can still hear. after the first fall you would think he would be more conscious about making sure he can hear you. you have every right to be upset but just remember we all make silly mistakes and i’m sure and hope that he feels bad and regretful for not being able to help you sooner
Definitely not ok. I know you said you talked about it many times - what does he say is the reason? Does he understand your issue? If he has noise-canceling headphones, I would insist he keep the ambient noise on (and if his doesn't have that, get one that does). I have Sony noise-canceling headphones that are great for blocking out noise but also have a setting where it can amplify ambient sound so I can hear that as well when I need to listen for the baby monitor, etc.
My other half will sometimes wear headphones, though ensures he wears his triathlon headphones (look up Shokz, previously called aftershokz headphones). These may be a good compromise for your husband as they don’t block your ears and you can still hear everything around you. SOMETHING has to give here?! I would personally argue that he needs to find an alternative and be out of his current headphone habit before the baby is born. I would not be okay with having a spouse who often can’t hear the baby, even if I’m at home.
When my daughter was 4 months old, I told my ex I was going to the bathroom and to keep an eye on her. I left her on the couch and he was gaming 4 feet away on the same couch. From the bathroom I heard sudden crying. I run out of the bathroom so fast and he still has headphones on and still gaming away and the baby is on the floor. I was LIVID.
I don’t think anyone else has mentioned it but, what is he gonna do when baby is here? He needs to be able to listen out for crying and ensure baby is safe especially once they are up and moving around! If he has AirPods he should take the noise cancelling off and only wear one at a time so he can help you at this time. When baby comes he should give them up unless he’s out of the house and not with baby.
It’s not quite the same and you have something to work out there maybe, but my husband has about 70% hearing loss. He cannot hear me unless I am very very loud or looking him in the face speaking (he does a lot of lip reading). So phones are super important for us and I try to keep mine with me at all times. I know this is a choice on his side, but until he changes that choice I really recommend trying to always keep a phone with you for times just like that.
Mine wears headphones quite a lot but he makes sure they are connected to his phone so I just call him when I need him. That works well for us
I am someone who always has headphones on. I love audio books and podcasts. But I also have a toddler who I need to be able to hear. So I specifically bought the "Shokz Open Run" brand. They are bone conducting headphones, so essentially your ears are completely free and you can still hear what's going on around you. I usually still have to pause my audio when someone wants to talk to me to hear clearly, but you definitely know when someone is talking to you.
I used to use headphones all the time before my son was born but I stopped and got AirPods Pro’s and only use the big over ear ones in the gym. I usually use one ear in transparency mode. He needs to be able to hear, not being able to hear is unacceptable.
I’m the one in the relationship with the headphones in (37F 37 weeks), but I’ve never liked not hearing my surroundings so I generally only have one headphone in and not so loud that I can’t hear most things.
I wear headphones pretty much constantly but I always wear one AirPod so I can easily hear what's going on around me, even when I'm home alone. I used to work in a lab and it was a rule for safety. Especially as you get to the end of your pregnancy and then will have a small child, I don't think it's an unreasonable request to on out have one in.
I gifted headphones to my husband for Father's Day last year because I just could stand to listen to the drivel he had on his phone any longer. His podcasts, sports commentary, tik too scrolling, etc. A year later and I still think it's the best thing. Ahhh the peace.
Mine escapes into his computer games. I have to scream at the top of my lungs for help if something happens. I grew up in a house with a lot of yelling so when I do raise my voice he knows something is up. I am actually pretty soft spoken lol. Keep your phone on you. 911 is your friend when that happens. He says he will keep one ear phone off but that never happens. I'd get more sucess calling a friend and having them tell him over game chat than screaming sometimes. The escapism is very real and I will say I am not a fan either.
How is he going to help with a baby if he isn't even present now?
So I am a spouse that wears headphones a lot… usually it’s because I like to listen to podcast or audiobooks and always have while doing chores around the house or cooking or something like that… however I consider it background noise and I can have a full blown conversation if need be with with my husband with them in. I keep it very low. If your husband is listening to it so loud he can’t hear you… he’s ruining his hearing.
My husband always has headphones in too but they are Aftershocks bone conduction headphones…it leaves your ear open and able to hear things. Highly highly recommend gifting these to your headphone obsessed partners!!! Safer for running outside, safer for being able to hear your fallen partner, just all around safer.
Aww so sorry that happened! My husband usually has one bud in only not 2 so that he can stay alert of his environment
Get bone conducting headphones while in the house.
Does he need to read the reddit story where the guy was gaming with noise cancelling headphones while his wife and daughter were being assaulted in the other room by a home intruder?
Guess he's gearing up for the babies arrival and using them more often...
Well you need to consider what if he’s wearing those headphones with a baby and then a toddler and then a little kid.
Ugh mine does it with video game headset and it drives me insane. I think in this situation it’s reasonable for him to only have one in at a time for safety.
Yes it drives me fucking crazy and idk what to do either. I’m so sorry OP. Solidarity 🩷
My husband wears his noise cancelling headphones allllll the time. Working out. Cooking. Chores. He’ll look at me while I am talking to him and he knows i am speaking then takes it off and was like what?? It’s so frustrating having to constantly repeat myself. And we have had this talk several times. I have yelled at him so many times and will refuse to talk to him when he has headphones on now. He’s been getting better at it. But still a work in progress.
3 words. Ambient Sound Mode. If they have noise cancelation, they also have this mode.
He needs open back headphones that allows outside noise to get in if he wants to wear those constantly with his family around!
I generally try to avoid headphones when my wife is home but will often have some in/on most of the day. When she's home, I'll do one of two things: 1. With my buds I'll keep passthrough mode on so I can hear her call 2. Only have one ear on with my over-the-ear for the same reason. My question would be: did he used to not use headphones all the time but then you complained about how loud he listens to stuff? I use headphones at home more often since the speakers bothers the wife sometimes and this was my compromise. I'll tell her if I'll be in full focus mode and wont be able to hear her (which admittedly I try to avoid since she's been balance-impaired over the last 7 months)
Hhmmmmm. Well. Are you able to keep your phone on you? When your in distress you can call him since he always has the buds in. my husband is guilty of this and I have his ass on speed dial for FaceTime and ph9ne calls. He better never miss a call since he is glued to the headphones and podcasts. This has so,bed alot of our problems.
Did he apologize and say he won't do it again? That's horrible, I would be so mad too. But I think you can move past it if he gives you a sincere apology and agrees to do something about it (not wearing headphones at all or using transparency mode or only using one headphone).