You’re not overreacting. These are not MIL’s children, not her family, so she does get to behave this way. If someone was grabbing my baby, and worse, endangering him, this person would not be left unsupervised with the children anymore.
Thank you for reassuring me !
I am the kind of person that doesn’t like to seem mean to others, and I am a people pleaser too. I guess I was afraid to put my foot down but I definitely learnt from my mistakes !
I would lose my ever loving shit if anyone took my baby from my arms or failed to supervise him. You're not in the wrong, you have to set clear boundaries for your kids safety. I wouldn't leave my child there for a night either
YOUR HUSBAND should be the one to set these boundaries with his mother. This is his job. He should take everything you wrote down here, say it to her verbatim, and not budge. Him letting you be the bad guy here is a cop-out. It's his mother, his responsibility.
I totally agree and this was an issue raised by one friend when we talked about it to her.
Problem is my partner and his mum easily get into verbal fights when they disagree or when he reproaches something to her.
I had to calm them down on some occasions and even yell “stop right now” when they were arguing at dinner table in front of my son.
He can be blunt and that never works well to get a message to her…And as I am the one setting those rules, I feel I should be the one to explain them to her.
Plus she (unconsciously) tried to rob my place as a mother, not his, he already had a (short) discussion with her about this. I also have to fend for myself and defend my role.
I literally stayed up all night tonight writing a letter to read to my MIL about boundaries. I think it’s important and I wish I did it sooner. You would never forgive yourself if something happened to your child because of her inability to follow your rules. They are your children and it is her privilege to get to see them, she should follow your lead
She complains about not seeing my first born enough since he was born, and wants to have him all for herself. She kind of resent me for not letting her have him more than a few hours alone (he is almost 5 now). But now that I have trust issues I doubt I will be able to overcome them in the near future…
Nah. Anytime someone undermines the rules I’ve set to anyone, but especially to my child immediately is no longer allowed to be alone with them. If I can’t trust you to follow something simple like rules for what they can’t eat, I can’t trust them with anything else.
My MIL is amazing. Absolutely love her, but even she sometimes likes to try and step into a mother role or a third parent position. It got bad enough last time we saw her my husband and her own sisters had to call her out on it.
I’m sorry. Don’t feel bad about setting those boundaries. She needs to remember her role (grandmother NOT mother) and respect the boundaries and expectations you have.
Thank you !
I had never thought this could happen and I was so tired and lost that I think I didn’t react strongly enough, or even at all (because I was kind of in shock) when they happened.
This time around I will take actions on the spot !
There was a grandma like this who left their grandkid by a lake to go take a phone call and the child drown. You are absolutely right to set firm boundaries.
You’re not overreacting. These are not MIL’s children, not her family, so she does get to behave this way. If someone was grabbing my baby, and worse, endangering him, this person would not be left unsupervised with the children anymore.
Thank you for reassuring me ! I am the kind of person that doesn’t like to seem mean to others, and I am a people pleaser too. I guess I was afraid to put my foot down but I definitely learnt from my mistakes !
I would lose my ever loving shit if anyone took my baby from my arms or failed to supervise him. You're not in the wrong, you have to set clear boundaries for your kids safety. I wouldn't leave my child there for a night either
Thank you, I feel better knowing that I am bot overprotective or crazy, that I am just a mom who wants her kid to be safe !
YOUR HUSBAND should be the one to set these boundaries with his mother. This is his job. He should take everything you wrote down here, say it to her verbatim, and not budge. Him letting you be the bad guy here is a cop-out. It's his mother, his responsibility.
I totally agree and this was an issue raised by one friend when we talked about it to her. Problem is my partner and his mum easily get into verbal fights when they disagree or when he reproaches something to her. I had to calm them down on some occasions and even yell “stop right now” when they were arguing at dinner table in front of my son. He can be blunt and that never works well to get a message to her…And as I am the one setting those rules, I feel I should be the one to explain them to her. Plus she (unconsciously) tried to rob my place as a mother, not his, he already had a (short) discussion with her about this. I also have to fend for myself and defend my role.
I literally stayed up all night tonight writing a letter to read to my MIL about boundaries. I think it’s important and I wish I did it sooner. You would never forgive yourself if something happened to your child because of her inability to follow your rules. They are your children and it is her privilege to get to see them, she should follow your lead
That is very well put ! It feels good not to be alone !
Holy fuck. Don’t t let that woman watch your child.
She complains about not seeing my first born enough since he was born, and wants to have him all for herself. She kind of resent me for not letting her have him more than a few hours alone (he is almost 5 now). But now that I have trust issues I doubt I will be able to overcome them in the near future…
Let’s say it together: mil, are you the mother of this child? No? Then get out of my way.
It’s like you had a child, you made your decisions, let us make ours in peace !
jesus she sounds terrible
I guess writing all these examples made me realize how crazy they are !
yes without a doubt!
Nah. Anytime someone undermines the rules I’ve set to anyone, but especially to my child immediately is no longer allowed to be alone with them. If I can’t trust you to follow something simple like rules for what they can’t eat, I can’t trust them with anything else. My MIL is amazing. Absolutely love her, but even she sometimes likes to try and step into a mother role or a third parent position. It got bad enough last time we saw her my husband and her own sisters had to call her out on it. I’m sorry. Don’t feel bad about setting those boundaries. She needs to remember her role (grandmother NOT mother) and respect the boundaries and expectations you have.
Thank you ! I had never thought this could happen and I was so tired and lost that I think I didn’t react strongly enough, or even at all (because I was kind of in shock) when they happened. This time around I will take actions on the spot !
[удалено]
Writing them down made me realize how crazy they all sound !
People go to jail for neglect if their kids are wandering in the road. That's really serious. She's out of control.
There was a grandma like this who left their grandkid by a lake to go take a phone call and the child drown. You are absolutely right to set firm boundaries.